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THE GREEN PRINT PRESENTS INSTA: @themediumRU
NOVEMBER 11th 2015
Volume XLX Issue IX 50¢ SWEAT SHOP
CENTER FOR TEXTILE ENGINEERING COLLAPSES, REVEALING CHILD LABOR
IN THE CENTERFOLD:
BY SAWYER SCHMOOZE EDITOR
P I S C ATAWAY — P o l i c e responded Monday to the collapse of the Center for Textile Engineering on Busch Campus. Located in the shadow of the cogeneration power plant, the building dated back to the Vietnam War, when it was intended to be a temporary structure. At the scene, screams of those trapped could be heard through the rubble, all the way to the police line twenty yards away. An eternity passed in the minutes the heavy rescue team took to clear the debris safely. The team was able to recover all the people trapped within. In an unexpected turn of events, the trapped persons turned out to be thirty young children, registered by the school as exchange students from Indonesia and Cambodia. Seven died and twenty were severely injured. Investigators have yet to determine whether these casualties were the result
"MACHINE WASH ONLY" The University's Public Relations Department is already hard at work making sure the children recover quickly
of the collapse alone. In response to this shocking news, the Textile Engineering Department issued the following: "It is a great tragedy that Rutgers has lost lives this week in the collapse of the Center for Textile Engineering. The students, all visiting from abroad, were dedicated, hard workers and will be sorely missed. They would spend all day in the Textiles Lab, perfecting their craft.
"Unfortunately, these industrious youths and their peers will be abandoning their projects while they mourn and recover. To this, students should expect no more free apparel from the University." This collapse has drawn the eye of Campus Facilities to the Packaging Engineering and Rutgers Formula Racing structure, also an unsafe edifice. Nothing is planned before those buildings, too, collapse and kill people.
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YOU'RE COOL AS LONG AS YOU'RE BEHIND THE LINE The Department of Transportation Services (DOTS) declared that the buses will not be retrofitted with seatbelts as proposed. They insist that standing behind the white (occasionally yellow) line is just as safe as using seatbelts in the event of a crash, if not safer. The stirrups are also safer than seatbelts if you ignore the possibility of wrist dislocations.
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