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April 19th, 2023
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Tapeworm Issue Not Postponed This Time! Next Week: BY LEXA PREAUX HOSTING A TAPEWORM PARTY The Medium To After five days of a Interview Lil Nas passionate strike, Rutgers' unions X's Tapeworm came to a decision to suspend the strike following further This Is negotiations. This decision has been met with substantial backlash Biden's Tapeworm and disapproval, from faculty, undergraduate and graduate Seriously, students, alumni and the like. The main criticism many are focusing infections at the university. of the strike is meant to serve Does Anyone on is persistent poor conditions As The Medium previously as a “cease fire, while many of for faculty members and graduate reported, the CDC has been us are preoccupied by doctors Know A Good students especially, even with investigating a highly suspicious appointments or aiding in the Way To Treat changes made after negotiations. -andpotentiallydangerous-number CDC’s investigation,” one union The public opinion has been made of cases of tapeworms affecting leader reported. It was President Tapeworms? clear: suspending the strike was faculty and students. The numbers Holloway who proposed this a decision made far too early, are plainly unprecedented, and “cease fire,” stating, “I was friends Fuck Cover and is quite possibly a large the investigation seeks a root of with my tapeworm at first. We mistake. When union leaders and the problem and for solutions for had lovely discussions about film, Letters administrators finally spoke out in a those suffering from the parasite. literature, and how much we hate Can We All series of emails, however, criticisms With protesters, negotiators, and workers rights, but the way this were hushed. A problem unrelated President Jonathan Holloway little guy has sucked the life and Still Hang Out to the strike has only grown over himself falling ill due to having nutrients from me has become too On The Big the weeks: The issue of tapeworm tapeworms, this suspension Continued on Page 2 Grass ;( HE JUST WANTED TO SPREAD THE LOVE, THAT'S ALL Tapeworm Club To Begin In Fall 2023 Semester BY JESUS H. CHRIST Possible RELIGIOUS CORRESPONDENT Names For On April 11th, it was reported that the Dalai Lama, My Tapeworm the Spiritual Leader of Tibetan Buddhism, had encouraged a Include child to suck on his tongue. This Terry, Talia, kickstarted a furious uproar against the spiritual leader for engaging Toro, Tapey in pedophilic behaviors, with many asserting that the practice is boy to suck on his tongue. The reveal that the Dalai Lama McTaperson, and unacceptable. Pope Francis issued best relationships I have had often intended to spread tapeworms. a statement, saying that“I think involved a young boy sucking a One of the classified memos found Bob somewhere in the Bible, tongue part of my body.” Regardless of in the Potala Palace showed that sucking is prohibited.” However, the debate about the ethics of an he declared “There is not enough Biden Meets others have come to the defense 85-year-old man asking a young human suffering in this world. of the Dalai Lama. According to boy to suck his tongue, one question These kids have all the amenities With The Joseph Bronstein, head of the New remains: Why did he do it? that they could ever dream of. The Beegees To Jersey chapter of NAMBLA, the Documents obtained for list goes on: Nintendo Switches, North American Man/Boy Love The Medium by our permanent Iron Man 3, Virtual Boobies, Improve The Association, “It is completely sub (I mean… “unpaid intern”) Continued on Page 2 Bee Population normal for a man to want a young
STRIKE SUSPENDED WHILE FOCUS SHIFTS TO TAPEWORM
DALAI LAMA DELIBERATELY SPREADING TAPEWORMS
Sick With Tapeworms Since 1970