This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
March 8th, 2023
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX $420.69 SUNSHINE STATE, MY ASS
QUICKIES
Oh God, Oh Fuck I Forgot To Give Something Up BY A CONCERNED JOURNALIST For Lent! MOVING TO CANADA With the 2024 Presidential Breaking News: election creeping around the corner, a vast number of candidates They Have of all parties (ah, who am I fucking Cafe West At kidding, just the Democratic and Republican Parties) have begun Cafe West to put their hats in the ring. Of those teasing a potential run as Next Week: President this early on, the one particular candidate for the GOP The Medium To that has caught everyone’s eye is Interview Lil Nas X Ron DeSantis, the controversial Governor of Florida. This Is Former Chief of Staff Donald J. the GOP during the next year of year, primarily with his policies, and how he intends to differentiate Biden's America Trump has begun his campagin for elections. Correspondents from The Medium himself from the adversarial a run in 2024, most notably with a recent visit to East Palestine, Ohio, recently held an interview with Trump. Local Student DeSantis last week, with his Regarding the matter, DeSantis after the devastating chemical spill. However, DeSantis has responses only further cementing began the discussion with a couple Uses Reddit For been slated by many political his run as a possibility. Given the of relevant matters, chiefly those Essay Sources pundits and analysts as a possible governor’s increasing prominence of gun control and abortion rights. and fierce competitor to the 45th on the political scene, we naturally For the former, DeSantis hopes to Aspiring President, posing what many view felt the need to discern the plans of pass a bill within the first year of Medium Writer as a possible threat to the unity of the potential candidate for the next Continued on Page 2 Affirmations: My JUST PAY US, FOR FUCK'S SAKE Pitch Ideas Are Not Mid Frosty The Snowman Born, BY NOT GONNATAKEIT Dies The Same MAKING PICKETS SIGNS Day Members of the Rutgers American Association of University HBO To Release Professors and American Federation of Teachers (AAUPMushroom Themed AF) are in the process of voting for Cookbook strike authorization. If the members of the union approve the action, the Based Off TV leadership can call a strike at any time, with it most likely starting Now, having been inspired by the Hollaway has placed upon us! We Series after Spring Break. bravery of our instructors, The stand in unity with our professor For students, this may lead to a Medium has also voted amongst its cohorts, and have created a list ‘The Last of Us’ suspension of courses, resulting members for a strike, and, because of demands that we believe are in no additional classes and no we only have like 20 members, reasonable, and are needed to fulfill Local Student grading until the strike is concluded. the vote has been completed. The our duty to this great institution This causes concerns for every results are in; and it is confirmed, of providing it with weekly fake Wastes A student, as the process is necessary THE MEDIUM WILL BE GOING news! Perfectly Good to negotiate fair contracts for the ON STRIKE! We will not stand Our demands are as follows: A professors of Rutgers University, for the oppressive conditions that singular window, 2 hours a week Fucking Quiche. but it’s unclear when it will end, if the failed football star Johnathan Continued on Page 2 Why, Dude? it occurs.
RON DESANTIS RELEASES PLANS ON HOW HE'LL MAKE AMERICA FLORIDA
THE MEDIUM ON STRIKE!?
Burnt Out As Shit Since 1970