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The PING Approach

Once a new technology rolls over you, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road.

—Stewart Brand, The Media Lab: Inventing the Future at MIT

“You have cancer.”

Can you imagine words that are harder to hear—or deliver?

I was sixteen years old, sitting in the emergency room with my parents beside me. I had been admitted because of a fever that wouldn’t break. The three of us had been slumped on hard plastic chairs in the waiting room for hours, the monotony punctuated by a variety of tests, followed by more waiting.

I had been feeling under the weather for a couple of weeks—unable to stay awake long enough to get through the day, losing my appetite, feverish . . . I thought I had a bad case of the flu. Certainly nothing life-threatening. I was a fit, healthy teenager outside of this momentary blip, and on top of the world (or at least my high school’s debate club). My two-year plan featured applying to college and working up the nerve to ask my crush to prom. It defi nitely didn’t involve hospitals, or chemotherapy, or radiation, or—

“I’m so sorry to be the bearer of this news,” said a grim-faced physician. “But you have cancer.”

Cancer. Amid all the other medical jargon that followed, that one word stood out.

Impossible, my inner voice insisted. I’m only sixteen. Only old people get cancer. I couldn’t be that sick. Maybe this is all just a bad dream . . .

As my parents and I sat in a sterile oﬃce dazed and mute, the doctor went on to explain that I had a rare form of leukemia and would need a bone marrow transplant. My prognosis wasn’t good.

Likely as a coping mechanism, I started to wonder about my doctor. A core part of her job was figuring out how to communicate lifethreatening diagnoses to patients. What was it like for her to have to tell a sixteen-year-old he might die? How does someone even do that?

The doctor handed my mother a tissue when she started crying. When my father dropped a pen because his hands were shaking, the doctor retrieved it while gently assuring my parents their reactions were completely normal and that she would do everything in her power to help get us through this diﬃcult time.

When we left her oﬃce, the doctor gave each of us a hug.

As you might have already guessed from the fact that I’m writing this book, thanks to an extraordinary team of doctors, I survived. My interaction with that doctor in the ER was the fi rst of many diﬃcult conversations my parents and I had over the course of my two-yearlong treatment. From that day on, my interest in how people communicate as part of their professions began to take shape. Th rough my jobs and conversations with professionals in various fields, I became fascinated by the topic of how we adapt our communication practices to an increasingly digital world.

The question of how technology alters our communication practices was the basis of my PhD research at Harvard Business School, and now as a professor at The University of Texas at Austin and founder of Ping Group, where I’ve consulted for and trained employees in organizations from startups to Fortune 100 companies like Dell and Amazon. I have studied more than 100,000 people in their work engaging in different types of communications—from executives attempting to inspire employees through video calls, to

teachers in Vietnam needing to tell parents that their child failed a course via email.

Beyond my research expertise, I also have a unique relationship with virtual communication. Because of a lifelong immune deficiency resulting from my cancer treatment, I’ve often found myself only able to interact with others from a distance. As a result, I understand the good and bad of virtual communication in a very personal way, which is why I’ve made this topic my life’s work.

Before we go any further, I need to defi ne virtual communication. Simply put, it’s any communication that occurs via electronic means, which includes video (e.g., Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, and Webex), audio (e.g., webcam-oﬀ conferences and telephone calls), and text communication (e.g., email, instant messaging, and text messaging).

Virtual communication doesn’t just diverge from in-person interactions in terms of its mode—it also necessitates a diﬀ erent approach both to how it’s used and received. To illustrate what I mean, let’s return to my cancer diagnosis story I shared earlier. I’m going to tell this story again, except this time the scenario will be slightly modifi ed. Picture another family with one diﬀ erence: the meeting doesn’t happen in person. Instead, because the family doesn’t live near the cancer center, this doctor’s appointment takes place as a video visit.

As the minutes tick by, the family fi nds themselves staring at their reflection on their laptop video display while waiting for the doctor to arrive. Once the doctor joins the meeting, ten minutes after the appointment was scheduled, there are several false starts due to sound issues. Then there’s an echo that takes long minutes to resolve.

There is no way for the doctor to know the father’s hands are shaking, and when the mother ducks away from the screen to hide the fact that she’s crying, the doctor doesn’t see it. There are no hugs.

On the whole, it sounds like an inferior experience, right?

The takeaway seems to be that, whenever diﬃcult conversations need to be had, in-person is best. But is that necessarily true?

A benefit to this hypothetical video appointment is that the family doesn’t receive dire news in a sterile hospital setting. They don’t have to leave the comfort of their house, which is especially convenient since the child is so nauseous and dizzy he can’t even walk to the car. And after the call ends, there’s no need to converse with front-oﬃce staﬀ to deliver health insurance information, all while trying to come to terms with a life-altering diagnosis. Instead, they can do that in the privacy of their home without strangers watching.

Whereas the old way of thinking was that in-person communication is always better, newer research has now demonstrated that isn’t always the case. There are often trade-oﬀs to communicating in person, and in many situations, video calls, phone calls, email, and even text messages have been shown to be the superior mode of communication.

The Times They Are a-Changin’

I can imagine what you’re thinking at this point: most of us won’t ever have to tell someone else they have cancer. However, we all face communication challenges in our daily lives. You may need to explain to your boss why the new initiative they’re excited about isn’t going to work. You might have to tell a customer that the loan they desperately need wasn’t approved. Or maybe you’re compelled to express congratulations to a coworker who got the promotion you felt you deserved.

And then there are the communications that are less memorable but can be even more important because they occur so regularly. For example, you might be giving your boss an update about the work you accomplished during the past week. Or you’re trying to convince a customer to sign up for your service. Or you’re just reaching out to a coworker to see how their weekend was.

Whether monumental or mundane, modern workplace conversations are complicated by the fact that many of them are conducted virtually.

Let’s face it: the ways we interact at work today aren’t the same as they were ten—or even five—years ago. And virtual communication isn’t going away. With ongoing innovations in artificial intelligence and augmented reality, the pace of change in our communication options is poised to accelerate. In the immortal words of Bob Dylan, “the times they are a-changin’.” And we need to adapt.

By one estimate, the average worker spends five hours a day on email and ninety minutes instant messaging. That’s six and a half hours—a serious chunk of your waking hours—spent on text communication. And that doesn’t even begin to cover the tremendous amount of time now spent in audio and video calls on platforms like Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, or Webex.

Even for those who do work in an oﬃce 100 percent of the time, it is commonplace to use instant messaging and email to communicate with people who are only a cubicle away. Given the ease of interacting via communication technologies, people often avoid physically going to a colleague’s oﬃce to ask them a question. Unless you’ve scheduled a meeting in advance, barging in unannounced can (rightfully so) be perceived as an interruption.

I’m not just talking about employees working at desk jobs. Tradespeople who don’t use a computer for their primary work functions are facing these same challenges. Plumbers and landscapers use email, text messages, and online platforms like Nextdoor, Facebook, and Yelp to communicate with customers. Grocery store cashiers and fast-food workers regularly text managers about schedules and receive emails from corporate headquarters about new procedures.

The new landscape of communication technology has changed the calculus for how we interact with each other. The debate is no longer about what is lost when communicating through technology. It has become: How can we leverage technology to improve our interactions even more?

Paradoxically, the number of communication technologies now at our disposal can make it harder to connect with each other. Here are just a few of the questions I’ve gotten in recent years, and which I’m going to answer throughout this book:

“Should I turn my camera on or o during meetings?”

“How can I show I’m a high performer through something as bare as an email?”

“Does using emojis help or hurt?”

“I am losing my mind from communication overload; how can I improve my work productivity and well-being?”

And, of course, the age-old question: “Could this meeting have been an email? ” (Hint: The answer to this one is it depends on the situation, but there are strategies you can use to evaluate each communication on a case-by-case basis. More on that to come.)

In this book, I’m going to give you a blueprint to navigate these virtual communication modes.

To Remote or Not to Remote.

That Is NOT the Question.

Let me be clear: this isn’t another book on the pros versus cons of remote work. Th ere’s already been a lot written on the topic. Let me briefl y summarize those fi ndings so we can move forward. Simply put, there are both costs and benefits to remote work, and fi nding the best solution depends on the organization. For some companies, having access to a broader and more diverse talent pool, which remote work enables, is most important. Others prioritize an in-person culture that allows for more spontaneous interactions between employees. Hybrid work isn’t always an optimal solution either. In many cases, a hybrid model just makes everyone unhappy: workers who prefer to be remote end up being dissatisfi ed that they are being forced to commute to the oﬃ ce, despite not feeling any

more productive on those days, and employees who prefer to be in the oﬃ ce fi nd their days at home to be isolating and demoralizing.

I also caution you from overinterpreting headlines on remote work research, as it is a multi-piece puzzle, and we currently only have some of the pieces. For instance, if you read a headline that remote work improves/decreases productivity by X percent, remember that productivity is only one of many factors that lead to organizational success. There are other elements that are just as important, such as employee creativity, job satisfaction, diversity, and retention. Let me give you a simple illustrative example. If a company’s employees are split so that half are randomly assigned to work remotely, and those remote employees are found to be 2 percent less productive, then people will begin drawing conclusions from an incomplete picture. But this experimental design only utilizes existing employees. What about the impact of recruiting? If posting a job as remote allows the company to recruit workers who are on average 10 percent more talented (as you’re drawing from a larger talent pool), that means the net productivity would likely be higher with remote work (as the 10 percent recruiting improvement would outweigh the 2 percent remote work decrement). Additionally, recent research fi ndings don’t account for the fact that humanity has had thousands of years of experience with in-person work, but remote work has only become mainstream in the past few years. It is likely that innovations gained through more experience with remote work will change the in-oﬃce versus remote-work equation. Honestly, research aside, unless you are a CEO, there often isn’t anything actionable you can do to select your ideal work context, aside from quitting your current job and applying to organizations that are remote/in-person.

Now that you know what this book isn’t about, let’s get to the good part. Th is book is about how to strategically use virtual communication to achieve your goals—whether those tools are email, video, instant messaging, audio calls, text messaging, or (as is so often the case) some combination thereof. In the current world of work, it isn’t only remote

workers who are using these tools; it’s everyone. Whereas only a subsegment of the workforce is remote, we are all virtual communicators.

Let me say it again. We are all virtual communicators.

I want to emphasize this point because, too often, I encounter the incorrect assumption that virtual communication is only relevant to remote workers. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Remote employees are individuals who work outside of a specified oﬃce, usually from home. Virtual communication is any communication that occurs electronically; for instance, even if the person you are instant-messaging is only sitting one desk away, you’re still communicating virtually. From construction workers to oﬃce employees, many of our most important interactions with customers and colleagues now take place via technology. For this reason, much of my research over the past fi fteen years has focused on communication strategies for everyone, ranging from those who use virtual communication tools—such as email or video calls— for a small part of their everyday work to those who rely on virtual communication as their sole means of interacting at work.

Many people were thrust into remote work unexpectedly in 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. However, the vast majority of workers were using technology to communicate, with mixed success, long before then. But the limited advice I’ve seen broadly distributed beyond academia has been rather anecdotal—based only on stories from individuals about what they feel has worked best for them. Yet there has been a great deal of scientific research on virtual communication (some of it by yours truly). Unfortunately, scientists who study virtual communication don’t always have a clear channel for sharing their findings outside of academic circles. As a result, only a fraction of this research tends to find its way into the public’s hands. This book will help bring everyone in on these conversations, so you’ll be able to make better (and data-driven) decisions about how to best approach virtual communication.

My goal is to help people communicate more eﬀectively, full stop. There is a better way than white-knuckling it and hoping for the best or

going on “intuition.” A CEO who laid oﬀ nearly a thousand people on a video call did that, and it wasn’t pretty (more on that in a bit). There are countless instances of people thoughtlessly misusing communication tools in ways that change their lives (and not for the better). Yet, when used well, technology can help us thrive in the workplace, build valuable connections with others, and innovate like never before.

The science-based strategies I’ll introduce in this book will generally take one of two approaches. The first will provide insight into which types of communication modes are optimal in diﬀerent situations. How do you choose the appropriate mode to appear most authentic or empathetic, to best showcase your work performance, or to improve your own well-being (or all of the above)? And, maybe more prominent in people’s minds, how do you avoid choosing a mode and method that will backfire? As I’ll be discussing, there is no single “best” mode across every situation, but there are best choices for each individual situation. And making the wrong choice in high-stakes settings can lead to dire outcomes. That’s why it’s well worth learning how to make the best decision possible based on the context, rather than just defaulting to habit.

The second approach will provide recommendations for how, once you’ve selected your communication mode, to best leverage it. I’ll cover topics including how to avoid emotional pitfalls in email, how to build trust through video calls, and how something as basic as text messaging can be used to increase team cohesion. By intermixing these tools with captivating stories and surprising research studies, this book is intended to serve as an actionable guide that will transform you into a communication technology pro.

When Things Go Wrong

You’ve likely heard of at least a few shudder-inducing moments when someone on a video call, unaware that their camera was on, did something embarrassing. A colleague used the toilet mid-call . . . in front

of everyone in the meeting. Or your dog decided the bird outside your window was a threat to humanity while you were trying to negotiate with your boss for a promotion. Or someone’s child raced in front of the camera shrieking “Baby Shark” lyrics at the top of their lungs during a work presentation.

Okay, that last one is admittedly cute, but still not ideal.

At this point, most of us have fi gured out how to avoid the most humiliating of those virtual communication blunders. But there is another type of error, one that is much subtler but equally problematic, that hasn’t garnered nearly enough attention. I’m talking about the failure to be deliberate in choosing how and over which medium to communicate a message.

We have numerous options at our fi ngertips, yet people thoughtlessly select whichever mode of communication seems easiest or is directly in front of them. Many workers go about their day completing tasks and utilizing whichever communication mode is most readily available. Or they select a given mode because it’s the one they’ve always used. Or just because “that’s the way it’s always been done” . . . without questioning whether it’s the right (or best) choice for the given situation. They aren’t thoughtful or strategic about it. And this passive approach to virtual communication can have irrevocable consequences.

In 1999, GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), a subsidiary of pharmaceutical giant SmithKline Beecham, developed a drug called Avandia. Avandia was meant to control blood sugar for patients with type 2 diabetes.

The problem?

SmithKline Beecham had conducted a secret study to compare Avandia to a competing drug. And the results were less than favorable. Not only did Avandia perform worse than their competitor, but their data showed that their drug resulted in a 30 percent increased risk of heart attacks.

Not good. Especially since diabetes patients are already at increased risk of heart attacks.

By 2007, the Senate Finance Committee had started an investigation of GSK and other pharmaceutical companies. One of the critical pieces of evidence in the investigation? An internal email sent by a GSK executive:

Per Sr. Mgmt request, these data should not see the light of day to anyone outside of GSK.

Yikes.

As you might expect, this investigation was accompanied by a media storm. The New York Times and major news networks covered the story in great detail. And most of the reports included those damning words emailed by one of GSK’s own executives.

The ongoing investigation resulted in a black-box warning label being placed on Avandia in 2007. In 2012, GlaxoSmithKline paid $3 billion in settlement fi nes for failing to report information they’d obtained about the drug’s safety. However, after the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) did a three-year review of clinical trial data in 2013, they determined that Avandia did not show an increased risk of heart attack compared to standard type 2 diabetes medicines.

By withholding information in an attempt to save themselves a warning label on the drug—which generally wouldn’t attract much, if any, media coverage—GlaxoSmithKline ended up with a whole lot of extra negative publicity . . . plus a $3 billion fi ne.

Obviously, it is both unethical and illegal for a pharmaceutical company to hide data. But for the moment, let’s ignore the ethics and just consider that an executive decided to communicate that they would be hiding data over email. The executive responsible took the same approach that so many people do in their daily communication—they didn’t think about it at all. If they had been more thoughtful about their form of communication, they might have decided a less permanent mode would better suit their unethical needs.

So, why didn’t they choose their mode more carefully? The short answer is they probably didn’t really think about it. Email was there, and it was what everyone else involved in the conversation was using.

There are countless other examples of communication blunders with disastrous results—from a Sony executive emailing racist comments about Barack Obama, to Spirit Airlines’ CEO accidentally replying-all to a customer, “we owe him nothing as far as I’m concerned. Let him tell the world how bad we are. . . .” I could keep going, but you get the picture.

At this point, you might be thinking, I’m not covering up fraud or saying something racist, so I have nothing to worry about. But here’s the thing. If highly successful executives are so thoughtless in their communication choices when doing something obviously in the wrong, then think about how little consideration most of us are putting into our interactions when we aren’t worried about our messages sending us to jail.

Although you may not be communicating something that feels like it’s high stakes, all your workplace interactions are still meaningful, especially when you consider their eﬀect over the course of your career. If time and time again you’re not actively considering how your messages might be coming across to others, then you’re going to miss out on crucial opportunities—like connecting with a new coworker or showing your boss how hard you’re working—that build up over time and can make the diﬀerence between whether you’re promoted or fi red.

All of this is not to say you should avoid email, because as you’ll fi nd out in the chapters ahead, other modes can backfi re just as spectacularly. And in some cases, email actually is the best choice. What I’m arguing here is that there is no comprehensively right or wrong mode of communication; the important part is making an informed choice based on the situation. Defaulting to a particular approach out of habit will keep you from fully thriving at work. At best you’ll miss out on opportunities and fail to grow work relationships to their full potential. And at worst, as you saw in the Sony, Avandia, and Spirit

Airlines examples, the consequences of thoughtlessly making communication choices could haunt you for years to come.

When approaching virtual communication, it is vital to be strategic in ways that are unnecessary when communicating in person. Whereas we can take many aspects of in-person communication for granted (for example, that no one is likely to be recording us), that isn’t the case with communication technologies. Many crucial nuances aren’t communicated virtually, such as facial expressions when conversing via email or body language when engaging in a video call. When treating virtual communication the same way we would an in-person interaction, important cues are missed, and consequently misinterpretations and confl icts can run rampant.

Many virtual communicators undermine their own messages simply by failing to engage in deliberate decision-making about how they communicate. Th roughout this book, you’ll learn how to avoid falling prey to that passive mentality, and all the negative consequences that come with it.

When Things Go Right

Here’s where the advice in this book runs counter to a lot of the woe-is-technology pieces that pop up on our social media feeds. There are countless advantages to communication technologies. Being able to show oﬀ your impressive bookshelves to anyone with whom you have a meeting allows colleagues to get to know you in a way they never could have before. Workers can introduce their cuddly dogs over video. People bond over their shared interests, and can forge new connections, sometimes even more quickly than in person. Many of us have been engaged in this type of virtual community-building for years in hobby-related chat rooms, online forums, and more. Now we’re doing the same at work. We’re all acutely aware of what it looks like when virtual communication goes wrong, but what about the fl ip side . . . when things go right?

As part of a research study I was conducting, I interviewed an accountant—let’s call her Leigh. I asked Leigh how often she needed to use multiple virtual communication platforms during a single meeting. Laughing, she told me that this was basically her “entire day in a nutshell.”

Leigh launched into a story about a recent meeting she had with a client to discuss some urgent fi nancial statements. Several minutes before logging into the video meeting, she noticed an error in a spreadsheet that would change everything she and her colleagues had prepared. So, in order to quickly alert her team members, she sent them an instant message to provide the updated information. Meanwhile, she used her personal cell phone to send a text message to her supervisor, who was working in the oﬃce next door fi fteen steps away. After the meeting, Leigh sent a follow-up email to the client and her colleagues to review everything they discussed and outline next steps.

“It felt like a lot of communication for a one-hour meeting,” Leigh told me. “But it’s a situation tons of us find ourselves in all the time, and if you don’t pick the right technology at any given moment, things can fall apart.”

Sound familiar?

I’ve heard so many employees express their frustration at the magnitude of communication tools available . . . and the lack of clarity over which one (or ones, as is so often the case) is best in any given scenario. And choosing the right mode is only half the battle. The other is using it most eﬀectively to achieve your goals.

The question is no longer simply how we act appropriately within the setting of a virtual conversation. It has transformed and opened a whole new can of [virtual] worms, encompassing everything from how we select the appropriate medium to how to eﬀectively juggle multiple conversations on various platforms simultaneously.

As Leigh and I delved deeper into her reasoning for the various forms of communication she selected during that one-hour meeting, a trend emerged: Leigh thoughtfully used all of the platforms to achieve a specific goal. Instant messaging was the quickest way to

reach her colleagues before the meeting. Leigh chose to alert her supervisor via text, since that was the only way he liked to be contacted outside of scheduled meeting times (and it also prevented Leigh from needing to leave her oﬃce when a video meeting was about to begin). Writing an email after the meeting created a written record that could easily be found and referenced at a later date.

These are the actions—digitally speaking—of a virtual communication pro. Leigh’s teammates agreed. In a separate interview, her supervisor noted that Leigh was “the best communicator we have on the team. I can always count on her to get information to the right people at the right time.”

There are so many conversations we initiate throughout the course of a day that necessitate the use of technology. We promote, we fi re, we onboard at new jobs, we meet for the fi rst time, we deliver good news and bad . . . all from our smartphones and laptops. These conversations can determine whether we succeed or fail in our jobs, and drive interpersonal relationships to thrive or crumble. Getting oﬀ on the wrong foot with these conversations can wreak havoc on our mental health and can be the cause of quitting—“quiet” or loud.

À la Mode

To tackle the question of which modes of communication are best and how to use them, it’s fi rst important to classify them so we can come up with a kind of “ordering.” Although there are many dimensions that can be used to classify communication technologies, the two main areas scientists have continually found to be most important are:

1. The variety of cues (e.g., can you see facial expressions or hear tone of voice?)

2. Synchronicity (i.e., does the communication occur more in real time like videoconferencing, or is it delayed like email?)

These two dimensions combine to determine how “rich,” or how similar to face-to-face interactions, a mode of communication is.

The chart below illustrates how a number of common interaction modes tend to fall within these dimensions, with the richest communication modes appearing in the top right of the chart and the least rich appearing on the bottom left. As an important note, I intentionally used the word tend to describe the location of these technologies, since depending on the user, these characteristics can vary. For example, although rarer, some people respond to emails more quickly than text messages.

Communication Mode Richness

High Cue Variety

Video Voicemails/Emails

Audio Voicemails/Notes

Letters/Physical Memos

Richness

In-Person

Video Calls

Audio Calls

Text Emails Instant/Text Messaging

Cue Variety

A key point about this chart is that even small diﬀerences within these dimensions can be meaningful. Video calls (e.g., Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meet, and Webex) are lower on the graph than in-person interactions, since webcams generally don’t capture your whole body and video calls are not in perfect resolution, and thus do not include—or make it harder to detect—all the nonverbal cues that in-person interactions might have. Similarly, in terms of synchronicity, audio and video calls are slightly less synchronous than in-person interactions. Due to small lags driven by data transfer

speeds, your conversation might not be happening with the exact 1:1 speed you’d encounter during an in-person conversation.

Some of these nuances may seem pedantic, but even small diﬀerences in cue variety or synchronicity can alter the outcome of your interactions. For instance, research has shown that tiny lags of less than a second in video calls can cause interruptions and diﬃculty with conversational turn-taking. The spoof news website e Onion humorously described this problem with the headline “Coworkers on Zoom Trapped in Infinite Loop of Telling Each Other ‘Oh Sorry, No, Go Ahead.’ ”

Identifying the dimensions on which communication technologies can vary is fundamental in understanding why things go right (or can go massively wrong) when interacting with others virtually. That’s only one part of the equation, however. The other, of course, is figuring out how to employ your chosen mode and make the most of it. The combination of these two—identifying and implementing—is the key to becoming a true virtual communication expert.

The PING Approach

To bring all the lessons in this book together into an actionable plan, I’ve developed a framework that will help you navigate all your virtual communication, from mode choice to message framing. Whether it’s video, audio, or text, this tool will give you a template to ensure success in every aspect of your virtual communication. The strategies in each chapter will fit into this broader framework, enabling you to tackle any communication challenges that come your way.

The best part is, it’ll be easy to remember. It’s called—wait for it—PING, which stands for p erspective taking, i nitiative, n onverbal, and g oals.

Perspective taking. When we approach our virtual communication— especially when the person isn’t standing right in front of us—we tend to be more self-focused, often without realizing how our decisions

will impact others. Even when people are other-focused, they can still fall short of comprehending how their messages will be perceived by its recipients.

Th roughout this book, I’ll highlight how people often think they’re making improvements to their messages, such as adding emojis to indicate excitement, and yet these seemingly innocuous choices can have an unintended backlash. I’ll also look at how CEOs, who take what they believe is the caring path to announce hard decisions like layoﬀs via video, may be undermining their own goals.

In the chapters to come, I’ll show you how to more eﬀ ectively take your virtual interaction partner’s perspective and craft your messages so they’re worded in a more impactful way. When done correctly, integrating perspective taking into your virtual communication strategy can ensure that miscommunication becomes a thing of the past.

Initiative. Much of what happens in face-to-face interactions— like introducing ourselves, self-disclosing personal information, and building rapport—doesn’t occur as naturally in virtual interactions. As a result, we need to be more mindful about what’s missing and how we can fi ll those gaps. And this challenge applies to everyone, even for those who are still in the oﬃce fi ve days a week. After all, it might get you some weird looks if you walked up three floors to talk to someone in another department rather than simply sending an email or instant message.

Despite the fact that we all use technology for the majority of our communication needs, there’s still a shocking amount of hesitation when it comes to virtual communication. Many people believe that using virtual communication to cold-contact someone they’d like to meet feels unnatural, and they avoid doing so because they worry social cues will be missed if they’re not interacting face-to-face. Similarly, when it comes to existing relationships, people often incorrectly assume they don’t need to take the initiative to reach out. However,

this misconception underestimates the power of something as simple as sending a text. Later, you’ll learn how a star NBA player strengthens relationships with his teammates through a quick virtual gesture, and how taking even the smallest initiative with virtual communication can make all the diﬀerence.

Understanding how to properly initiate and cultivate relationships via virtual communication is a skill you’ll learn to hone. Not only will you become a master of employing various modes, but you’ll get better at achieving your communication goals. And taking the initiative is an essential fi rst step.

Nonverbal. One of the biggest virtual communication fallacies is that people mistakenly believe virtual communication contains less nonverbal language than in-person, especially for modes like email. Th e truth of the matter is that, even though virtual communication lacks the breadth of cues of in-person communication (e.g., voice and hand gestures), there are many signals you’re sending through your virtual messages—intentionally or inadvertently—even beyond those that are possible face-to-face.

I’m going to share what science has shown regarding the impact of cues that people don’t even realize they’re conveying—like what time of day your message is sent, your choice of mode, and even your email signature. For example, in the chapters ahead, we’ll debunk the common advice to block out a single part of your day for emails to avoid work interruptions. As you’ll see, that oft-cited best practice may send unintentional signals that can undermine your goals.

Once you become an expert in understanding nonverbal cues in interactions—something most people don’t consider in virtual contexts—you’ll be able to utilize these cues more strategically.

Goals. One of the questions I’m consistently asked by both students and executives is what’s the best way to communicate virtually . . . and they’re disheartened to know that the answer to that all-important question is it depends.

Th is book would be a lot shorter if there were “one mode to rule them all,” but alas, the right answer depends on what is most important to you in a given situation. When it comes to virtual communication, there are often confl icting goals, such as the optimal mode for being viewed by your manager as a high performer versus the best mode for increasing your own well-being. Without fi rst being mindful and identifying what you hope to gain from an interaction, and then understanding what the best approach is for achieving that outcome, you are likely to fall short on all your goals.

I’m going to give you the tools to decide, for any given situation, which mode to use and how to most eﬀectively leverage it.

Where We’re Heading

In this book, I’m going to tackle the core components of how to more eﬀ ectively navigate communication and technology challenges in modern workplaces. To do so, I’ll be sharing fascinating stories, as well as the outcomes of hundreds of studies that have been conducted on virtual communication. Th rough this approach, I’ll reveal science-based secrets about the most eﬀ ective strategies for communicating in a technologically complex world so that you’ll be prepared to tackle any workplace interaction. Lest you think your every digital interaction will soon be fi lled with only unicorns and perfectly worded messages, let me divest you of that misperception. Th ere will always be new and unexpected communication challenges to tackle. With the right toolkit, however, you’ll be able to confi dently overcome any virtual communication challenge.

As the fi rst tool in your kit, I suggest that after fi nishing this chapter, you pause reading and head to the Appendix to complete the Virtual Communication Styles Tool. Th is is a practically focused tool that I often use in my consulting and training to help people

begin to mindfully identify some of their core virtual communication strengths and weaknesses. Better understanding yourself and how others might diﬀer in their approach to virtual communication is the fi rst step to becoming a virtual communication expert.

Th is book will provide you with research-based virtual communication strategies in three core, overarching domains of workplace interactions relevant to any communicator. The fi rst part of this book will deal with how to use communication technologies to get ahead in your job. From optimizing your communication schedule to your choice of communication mode, I’ll highlight how to actually become more productive via your virtual communication. As in-person work interactions have decreased (even in office environments, where managers now spend more time behind computers rather than physically walking around overseeing their employees’ productivity), employees are now being heavily evaluated based on how they present themselves digitally. Yet, in spite of the fact that many work interactions are now occurring virtually, the old methods of performance evaluation—based on how many hours a worker is “seen” working at their desk—predominates. Thus, employees are often faced with the challenge of demonstrating to their managers that they’re diligent and high performing via emails and instant messages. Being perceived as a star performer in increasingly technology-mediated workplaces isn’t necessarily just about the work you do, but rather how you communicate about it, too. In the next few chapters, I’ll offer strategies to show you how to use different communication technologies to manage other people’s perceptions of you.

The second part of this book will broadly deal with how to build and strengthen relationships via virtual communication tools. In this section, I’ll identify the central challenges to forming strong relationships virtually and oﬀer tools for overcoming them. Further, once your relationship is established, there arises a question about how to virtually build trust in an authentic way. I’ll cover communication

strategies from both CEOs and employees across industries, and describe how their attempts to appear more likable have led to either great success or scandal. For instance, you’ll discover how Arianna Huﬃ ngton was able to allay employees’ concerns regarding Uber’s toxic culture via a communication mode as low-richness as email. We’ll look at what research has to oﬀer about how to initially spark and later strengthen key relationships with coworkers, superiors, and mentors—without ever needing to be in the same room.

Th e third and fi nal part of the book is going to address interactions that are especially challenging in a virtual context. I’m sure we’ve all had an email or phone conversation that went completely oﬀ the rails, and we internally shrivel at the mere memory of how uncomfortable it was. I know I do. Dealing with challenging and tense situations was already hard enough in person. How are we supposed to do it via video or email? Th is section of the book will deal with how even simple mistakes in tense situations can ruin careers and companies—a hard lesson for HSBC Bank to learn after a misinterpretation cost them over $10 million—and how to avert them. You’ll learn how to avoid emotional pitfalls and reach optimal negotiation agreements, as well as mitigate racial, cultural, disability, and gender stereotypes in a virtual context. Perhaps most important of all, you’ll fi nd yourself armed with the knowledge of how to emotionally thrive in a world of communication overload.

My goal is that you’ll gain a new toolkit of practical communication strategies you’ll be able to implement as soon as you put this book down. You’ll be able to easily transition from in-person to email to video, select the best technology to fit the task, and craft messages in a way that will strengthen your work relationships, professional trajectory, and team success. As technology becomes more central to our personal and professional lives, we need to adapt our communication practices. And this book will enable you to do just that.

KEY LESSONS

✦ Remote work ≠ virtual communication. Whether you are in the oﬃce or not, virtual communication tools are an essential (and unavoidable) part of our work. Thus, we are all virtual communicators. In order to thrive in the modern work environment, it’s impossible to avoid being a virtual communicator.

✦ There is no single best mode of communication. The optimal mode is contextually dependent, and so it is vital to understand the strengths and weaknesses of each.

✦ Many people use virtual communication without thinking about the consequences of their mode and messaging decisions. Virtual communication experts are deliberate in their decisions and consider how their communication goals shape their choice of mode and messaging.

✦ Knowing where on the “Communication Mode Richness” chart a technology falls can help you understand the characteristics of communication modes (and, subsequently, how to begin to avoid virtual communication pitfalls).

✦ PING: Perspective Taking, Initiative, Nonverbal, and Goals. You’ll be able to refer to this framework again and again as you become a virtual communication pro.

9780241746363

THE SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL VIRTUAL COMMUNICATION

PING

The Secrets of Successful Virtual Communication

ANDREW BRODSKY

PENGUIN LIFE

The PING Approach

The Times They Are a-Changin’

To Remote or Not to Remote.

That Is NOT the Question.

When Things Go Wrong

When Things Go Right

À la Mode

Communication Mode Richness

The PING Approach

Where We’re Heading

KEY LESSONS