Polite and reasonable behaviour not only builds a bridge for the future, it paves the way for a polite and reasonable response. In certain situations of domestic violence or threat to safety, a family may need to melt away without a trace. This is extremely hard to do in today’s age of electronic surveillance and warrants specialist advice before any decision is made. If the separation is inevitable and you are in a safe environment, consider taking the following positive actions: ◊
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Inform your partner, preferably in person, within a private, neutral space such as at the kitchen table. Make sure the children aren’t around and discuss the separation when you are both not tired. Be prepared to either answer questions about the decision to separate, or say that you will do that in the future. It is natural to expect high emotion and tears.
Have discussions then or at a time soon after, about immediate considerations: ◊ ◊ ◊
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Who will move out and when? Who will pay the next rent or mortgage payments? What will you tell the kids? Will you tell them together? (If you can, this is advisable) If one or both of you are moving out, where will the kids live and how will they share time with their parents for now? What will you tell your parents and friends and how? When will you have your next discussion?
