2 minute read
DON’T BE SNEAKY OR MEAN
KEEP YOUR WORD
During separation, family relationships can become fragile. Keeping your word is important to re-establish trust, respect, stability and security as the new family dynamics shift and settle.
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So, if you do make a promise, whether it’s to your ex-partner or to the kids, then move mountains in order to keep it! Regardless of how much you’re feeling under pressure, don’t make promises that you can’t follow through with – it’s a sure-fire way to undermine what may be a tenuous connection already. Remember also that the backfire of breaking your promises may cost more energy to repair than the initial effort of honouring it.
Extra care in the following areas will go a long way towards building trust in your newly separated family:
◊ Be punctual with pick-ups and dropoffs. If you agree on 5.00pm as a time for changeover of the children, then it’s okay to arrive at 4.59pm. However, it’s not acceptable to arrive at 5.15pm. If you anticipate being late, or find yourself running late, then please ring ahead. Texting is not good enough and try to afford your ex-partner every common courtesy by personally phoning. Once
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you arrive, speak in person to your expartner. ◊ Pay financial contributions on time. Honour any financial arrangements by paying the correct amounts on time. If something unforeseen prevents this, phone your ex-partner to explain your situation and rectify your outstanding funds as soon as possible. ◊ Keep on top of paperwork. If you agree to sign and return documents, then deliver on your promise. If something comes up to prevent this, ring ahead to explain why and make amends. ◊ Maintain school and extracurricular commitments. You may be sensing a theme here: Your word – in whatever context – truly matters. When you agree to help out at the kids’ school, attend a meeting, watch an awards ceremony or assist on sports days, it is essential that you follow through with this. Wherever possible, make other arrangements well in advance if you can’t make it and clearly communicate the changes to everyone.
DON’T BE SNEAKY OR MEAN
Nothing undermines trust like dishonesty, malice or lying.
Although it may seem harmless at the time, sneaky ‘white lies’ have a way of backfiring. For example, it would be sneaky to slip away for a weekend if you had told your ex and the kids that you were going to a funeral. They will find out and think less of you. Furthermore, they will not believe what you say in the future. Being mean to your partner will never work to your advantage in the long-term either. For example, neglecting a parenting bill but taking the kids away on a holiday instead is not going to reflect well in your ex’s eyes. Consider how this will affect the quality of your new relationship together. Also, how will this impact on situations in the future where you will need to work as a co-parenting team?
