2 minute read
SEPARATE WELL
People contemplate separation for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s after a period of unhappiness or instigated by more traumatic events such as violence or infidelity. Other times, it happens out of the blue. A partner simply leaves one day and doesn’t come back.
Regardless of the circumstances, separations can be difficult. However, you can make the transition easier with these tips to separating well:
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◊ Communicate openly. If you are considering separation, talk to your partner about your feelings and dissatisfaction. It’s easier to explore other options before the relationship is irreparable. This also paves the way for a smoother separation if efforts have been made towards reconciliation. ◊ Consider counselling. If you and your partner are both open to working through your issues, professional counselling may help to repair the relationship. ◊ Get clarity. Be clear on whether you would like to work on your relationship, or alternatively separate. Being “on again, off again” is distressing for everyone, especially children. ◊ Minimise family impact. If you choose separation, take actions that are minimally destructive to the family. In particular, consider how your subsequent choices will affect your children.
This provocative move probably cost the individual who engineered it millions of dollars in revenge litigation! In any case, locking your partner out of their own house as a separation tactic is not recommended. ◊ Running off with the kids. In a real-life case, a mother of three came home to find that her husband and all children had vanished. After calling the police to mount a search party, this lady discovered a letter from a solicitor under the windscreen wipers of her car. It informed the lady that she was separated and would not be seeing her children. Within a few days, the Court returned the children to their mother and the father lost everything in the litigation that followed. ◊ Changing your Facebook status. Publicly announcing a separation on social media before letting your partner know is cruel. It is also inappropriate to tell other people in your friendship circles about your intention to break up. This hurtful manoeuvre is not going to set the scene for an amicable separation. ◊ Announcing a separation in front of the children. Please be mindful of protecting your children from hearing the break up conversation; it will be much easier on the kids if they hear this news at a calmer time and in a more loving space. ◊ Spilling the beans about a new partner.
Telling the kids about their new ‘mummy’ or
‘daddy’ before your previous partner knows anything about the intended separation puts an impossible burden on the kids. ◊ If you think a separation is on the cards, please consider the long-term implications of how you announce the separation.
Now that you’ve discovered some tips for separating well, here are some examples of how to NOT separate:
◊ Breaking up via text. This method seems to be popular with film stars if the gossip magazines can be believed! But in ‘real life’, common courtesy demands that a break up should be communicated in person. (Provided that you are not in danger of physical harm.) ◊ Locking out your ex. You may have heard about the celebrity who came home to find their property chained shut.
