AVOID FIGHTING (IT’S EXHASTING AND COSTLY

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HOW TO AVOID THE PROBLEMS YOU HAD LAST TIME

06 KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN

If the relationship has been short and you don’t have children, it’s possible to split your assets and walk away. If you wish, you may never see or hear from each other ever again. Or perhaps you will occasionally receive your ex-partner’s mail or bump into them through shared social circles.

However, if you’ve been married for 28 years, have four children and a grandchild on the way, then it’s inevitable that you will be in touch. At the very least, you will see each other at the times of changeover for the children.

Therefore, you will need to communicate. Remember that once upon a time you used to love each other. Hopefully, you communicated well when you were a couple. If you did not, then you may need some communication coaching now. Ask a psychologist where to start. However, you communicate, whether in person, by phone or email (please save texts for urgent occasions only), remember to be clear and always endeavour to keep your word.

If not for yourself, then at the very least for your children; as parents, you are their first and foremost role models for communication.

07

AVOID FIGHTING (IT’S EXHAUSTING AND COSTLY)

Some separated couples fight constantly and without restraint or dignity. They waste their time, money and energy and drive the people around them mad with the emotionally-draining drama of it all.

If you don’t want to go on fighting, just stop. A great starting point is to write to your expartner. In this letter:

Identify the main pain points that you are arguing about. Propose a number of solutions that you would be willing to accept and that reasonably take into account your ex-partner’s needs. Ask your partner for every solution that they are prepared to accept. If this written conciliatory action does not work, go to mediation with your ex-partner. If mediation fails, seek the aid of a solicitor. Finish the fight, and get on with your life. Ultimately, fighting hurts you most and holds you back from finding happiness.