KEEP YOUR WORD

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HOW TO AVOID THE PROBLEMS YOU HAD LAST TIME

LOOK AFTER THE KIDS

Regardless of how unhappy you’ve been, kids will rarely agree that their parents should separate. They will want you to stay together.

Sadly, children will often blame themselves for the separation. Little children who cannot verbalise their distress may become ill or regress in their behaviour and development.

◊ This is not their fault ◊ Their mummy and daddy still love them ◊ They will still see mummy and daddy ◊ Mummy and daddy will sort things out

It’s important that these aren’t just empty promises. Keep your word to the kids and align your behaviour with your assurances. Kids will pick up on incongruencies. Children are inquisitive, so do expect questions. Answer using age appropriate language and concepts. It will also help if you keep an open line of communication with your ex-partner about what the children are saying to each of you and how you are respectively responding. Your communication as adults during the separation will subsequently impact how disruptive the transition is for your children. By maintaining open communication with your ex-partner, you can minimise tension and harmful game-playing.

◊ Maintain routine. Sticking to old routines can help to keep a sense of normality. Maintain the same bedtimes, eating patterns and ensure children still socialise with their same friends and family on both sides. If possible, stay in the same home or neighbourhood so they can attend their current school and extracurricular activities. ◊ Inform their teachers and school counsellors about the separation. ◊ Resist the urge to shower children with treats. ◊ Follow the same rules in both households, particularly around homework, bedtimes and manners.

It is important to repeatedly reassure the children that:

Here are some ideas to help children cope with the separation of their parents: