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A Message from THE DOCTOR AAAAAGGH. OOOF.Ahhh.
Hello! HELLO ?! Are you there?
If you’re receiving this message, hi there! My name is the Doctor. I think you might already know all about me, or you wouldn’t be on the receiving end of this psychic letter. I love a psychic letter – specifically tuned to find and deliver to the perfect recipient, even if the writer doesn’t know who that is. So I’m really, really hoping that’s you, babes!
According to this psychic letter, this message will be sent to Earth. I’ve spent a lot of time there – so it makes sense that my ideal helper would be from my favourite planet. Have you and I met before? I tend to get around. Were you the one who lent me your jacket to capture that loose Adipose on the King’s Road? Maybe you were in the Royal Hope Hospital when we ended up on the moon
with a platoon of Judoon? Or, if you haven’t met me, perhaps you’re just like my friends at UNIT – awakened to the wonders of time and space. Either way, honey, you know all about me and my adventures. I’ve always tried to stay inconspicuous, but right now I’m incredibly lucky that I haven’t always managed it and that you’re up to speed. Because something is going really wrong.
I’ve lost my TARDIS and my friend Belinda, and if we’re getting technical, I’m not entirely sure where I am at this exact moment either . . . I’ve tried to contact my other friend Ruby, and her family, but I can’t get through to anyone. I’m using my psychic paper to send this message, and if you accept, the TARDIS should be on its way to you.
If you do accept, just say, ‘Yes, I accept!’ Have you done it?
Oh! I should probably tell you what you’re accepting. I NEED YOU . Before I got hopelessly lost and into this situation (which isn’t unusual, but I do usually have some idea of how to fix things), the TARDIS databanks were being rewritten. The history of the universe – entirely meddled with! The wrong facts in the wrong places, the right ones erased. I only noticed because I was passing Drahva, and the TARDIS scanner tried to tell me it was the Daleks’ home planet. Then I realised the
databanks were in a state of flux, fading between the truth and a new set of data.
So, that’s where you come in. I need someone to correct the problems in the databanks, and with Belinda missing, I’m really hoping that someone is you. Then I need you both to find me. It’s not going to be easy, and I don’t know where this adventure will take you, but I know you’re the perfect person for the job. Psychic letters don’t just lock on to anyone, you know. According to my psychic paper, you are definitely companion material. Brave, smart, funny – oh! And very enthusiastic. I love enthusiasm!
Ooh. I’m running out of time – why would someone create something as brilliant as a psychic letter and then give it a time limit? I really must fix that. All you have to do is accept this quest. My TARDIS will come straight to you, and the voice visual interface will activate to show you what to do next. And when you find Belinda, tell her –
MESSAGE ENDS.
1 The TARDIS
CHAPTER ONE: THE TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM
VOICE VISUAL INTERFACE:
Hello. You must be my ‘here to help’. I take it that I, the Doctor, have disappeared, or I’m off on some other important quest or maybe I’ve touched a memory worm without gloves again. I’ve forgotten my own past more times than I can count!
Either way, access to the TARDIS databanks has been granted to you, and the voice visual interface has taken on my rather dashing form to keep the experience as pleasant as possible.
If you’re hearing this, it means something is up. I’m not sure what the exact problem is, but the TARDIS does occasionally get a tummy ache, and that means she can’t fly properly. If she can’t fly properly, there’s a chance she can’t locate me right now. It seems like there’s something wrong with her databanks. And if the databanks don’t work, neither does she. Right now, she’s confused and overloaded. Sort of like trying to drive a car that’s wired up all wrong.
You will now be asked some questions about me, the Doctor, to restore what has been lost, forgotten or erased. Once the TARDIS has been fed the correct information, the databanks will update – then she should take you exactly where you need to go next. Well, she usually does. Well . . . maybe seven times out of ten. Once my history is aligned with the truth, the TARDIS will be able to figure out the next step.
If you’re ready, please place your hands on the TARDIS control console.
1
CHAPTER ONE: QUESTIONS
I’ve spent a lot of time on Earth. Which Earth junkyard did my granddaughter Susan and I live in during the early 1960s?
A) Totter’s Yard
B) Totting’s Junkyard
C) Tottie’s Yard
2 My friends have always been the best of me. Where was my good pal Peri Brown holidaying right before she met me?
3
I’ve had many faces and even more outfits. During which incarnation did I wear cricket whites?
A) My sixth incarnation
B) My fifth incarnation
C) My eleventh incarnation
4 I rarely get a second to slow down. Who were the first adversaries I found myself up against when I regenerated into my second incarnation?
5 I’ve had many jobs on many planets. I’ve even been a Kerblam man – that was a weird six months. During which incarnation did I become UNIT ’s scientific adviser?
A) My second incarnation
B) My fourth incarnation
C) My third incarnation
6 Talking is a great skill of mine. Really, I’ve talked people out of wars. What were my first words after I regenerated into my sixth body?
7 In order to investigate strange happenings, I often use an alias or a disguise. What name do I commonly use as an alias?
A) Jess Smith
B) John Smith
C) Joan Smith
8 Sometimes, I’m a bit of a romantic. Who did I kiss shortly after I regenerated into my eighth body?
9 Time Lords may look like humans, but we’re different on the inside. How many hearts do I have?
A) Two hearts
B) Three hearts
C) Two and a half hearts
10 I don’t like to admit it, but sometimes my enemies get the better of me. Who caused me to bi-generate into my fifteenth body?
11 Brilliant! Fantastic! Hadi ama! I love catchphrases. Which catchphrase did I adopt during my eleventh incarnation?
A) ‘Blimey!’
B) ‘Allons-y!’
C) ‘Geronimo!’
12 I always dress for the occasion. Which incarnation of mine favoured a long, colourful scarf?
13 I was found near a wormhole and taken to grow up on a planet located in the Mutter’s Spiral galaxy. What planet did I grow up on?
A) Gallifrey
B) Earth
C) Telos
14
15
I’ve got many secrets and a whole hidden past. What name did I use when I was hiding from the Division and living on Earth?
I’m not proud of all the chapters in my past. Which weapon did I intend to use to destroy Gallifrey during the Time War?
A) The Meta Blaster
B) The Moment
C) The Reality Bomb
16 Regeneration can be tricky. So can piloting the TARDIS . What did I land in after falling out of my ship when regenerating from my twelfth to my thirteenth body?
