Gò0dNews for Everyone
Relationships Hurt, Relationships Heal
M
by Heather Medley
y no-nonsense grandmother used to
fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 18:24 reads, “One who has
say, “Heather, choose your friends and
unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend
loves with care because if you run with
who sticks closer than a brother.”
wild animals, you too may get fleas.” Although her
Neuroscience and scripture agree that relationships
sentiment sounded harsh to my adolescent ears,
impact who we are and who we become. As children,
neuroscience has affirmed that her words actually hold
we were influenced by the limbic connections we had
scientific truth. One person’s nervous system is greatly
with our parents, teachers, caregivers and early peers.
impacted by another’s—those we love and spend time with greatly impact the person we become. Here is a simple explanation how. The human brain has these amazing parts called mirror neurons. There neurons “mirror” the observed behavior of another back to you so that it is as if you have experienced what you are seeing. This important fact reveals that the relationships you have and what you observe in others, impacts the neural pathway within your brain. Another term that neuroscientists use is limbic revisioning. This term
Those relationships are ones we typically did not
implies that consistent attuning and care from one
choose, yet were greatly impacted by—some of which
limbic system to another’s can establish an internal
could have been negative or traumatic. As we grow
sense of safety to help heal a traumatized brain.
older, we have more choice in our relationships, and
Crazy, right!?
therefore, more agency in healing.
What is even crazier is that these scientific
As my grandmother was trying to relay to me all those years ago: relationships can hurt us. The good
neuroscience even existed. Proverbs 22:24-25 reads,
news is that relationships can heal us too. Thankfully,
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not
both neuroscience and scripture agree that it is never
associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their
too late to heal.
ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 13:20 reads, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of
20 // July 2021
About The Author
findings were written about in the Bible long before
Heather Medley is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and published author. She loves neuroscience research papers, bargain shopping, and laughter. She resides in Rome with her delightful kiddos and steady husband.
