2 minute read
Relationships Hurt Relationships Heal
from July 2021
Gò0dNews for Everyone
Relationships Hurt, Relationships Heal
Advertisement
by Heather Medley
My no-nonsense grandmother used to say, “Heather, choose your friends and loves with care because if you run with wild animals, you too may get fleas.” Although her sentiment sounded harsh to my adolescent ears, neuroscience has affirmed that her words actually hold scientific truth. One person’s nervous system is greatly impacted by another’s—those we love and spend time with greatly impact the person we become.
Here is a simple explanation how. The human brain has these amazing parts called mirror neurons. There neurons “mirror” the observed behavior of another back to you so that it is as if you have experienced what you are seeing. This important fact reveals that the relationships you have and what you observe in others, impacts the neural pathway within your brain. Another term that neuroscientists use is limbic revisioning. This term implies that consistent attuning and care from one limbic system to another’s can establish an internal sense of safety to help heal a traumatized brain. Crazy, right!?
What is even crazier is that these scientific findings were written about in the Bible long before neuroscience even existed. Proverbs 22:24-25 reads, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 13:20 reads, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 18:24 reads, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Neuroscience and scripture agree that relationships impact who we are and who we become. As children, we were influenced by the limbic connections we had with our parents, teachers, caregivers and early peers.
Those relationships are ones we typically did not choose, yet were greatly impacted by—some of which could have been negative or traumatic. As we grow older, we have more choice in our relationships, and therefore, more agency in healing.
As my grandmother was trying to relay to me all those years ago: relationships can hurt us. The good news is that relationships can heal us too. Thankfully, both neuroscience and scripture agree that it is never too late to heal.
About The Author Heather Medley is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and published author. She loves neuroscience research papers, bargain shopping, and laughter. She resides in Rome with her delightful kiddos and steady husband.
