R E W I R E S E L F - D O U B T , F I N D Y O U R C O N F I D E N C E A N D F U E L S U C C E S S
Big Trust
DR SHADÉ ZAHRAI with Fayçal Sekkouah
Big Trust
BIG TRUST
Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success
DR SHADÉ ZAHRAI
with Fayçal Sekkouah
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First published in the United States by HarperCollins in 2026 First published in Great Britain by Vermilion in 2026 1
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— ‘Abdu’l-Bahá1
INTRODUCTION
We Are All More Than Our Self-Doubts
It’s 10 p.m. I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, my thoughts racing like they always do at the exact moment I’m supposed to be winding down for sleep. I know better than to grab my phone, but I do it anyway, fumbling in the dark. Airplane mode off. Brightness down.
Earlier that day, I’d been working on a program about accelerating career growth. The topics sounded great on paper, but something about it felt . . . off.
For years, I’d shared frameworks, strategies, and motivational fuel that lit people up and helped them take action. Yet I was midway through my work with this group of mid-career professionals, and I had a gnawing sense that my approach was missing the mark, that it would ignore their deeper frustrations and worries.
Across the board, I knew they weren’t just stuck in their careers; they were stuck in themselves. And honestly, I’d been there too. The grind without the growth. The effort without the results. That maddening sense of pouring yourself into something and still feeling like it’s not enough.
This sinking feeling was reminding me of one of my earliest encounters with self-doubt. I was nineteen, sitting in a Legal Jurisprudence class at Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia, and
everything about it felt wrong. I had chosen law because I had the grades and because everyone said, “Don’t waste them.” My parents, my teachers, my immigrant grandparents who had fled Iran to build a life in the West1—they all had visions of “lawyer” or “doctor” for my future. To balance things out, I paired law with a psychology degree, something that actually made sense to me. Human behavior had always fascinated me.
But on that first day of university, as I sat in class, law felt foreign—like a mistake. No, I felt like the mistake. My classmates tossed out answers while I scrambled to keep up, barely grasping the jargon, let alone the concepts. Heat rushed to my face. The insecurities I hadn’t realized were lurking beneath the surface roared to life:
I don’t belong here.
I’m not smart enough.
I’ll never be able to keep up.
The moment class ended, I practically ran to the department advisor’s office. The words spilled out before I could stop them: “I don’t understand anything—I need to drop law.”
I expected encouragement. Reassurance. Someone to remind me it was just the first day, that I’d find my footing soon enough. Maybe even that I was smarter than I thought. I didn’t admit it to myself, but I had wanted the advisor to take my self-doubts away, to “fix” things for me. What I got instead was silence. Then she handed me a course withdrawal form.
It felt like a punch to the gut. Like she saw someone who was not worth believing in.
I didn’t drop law, though. I walked out of her office feeling humiliated but also strangely defiant. I didn’t want her (or anyone)
to see me as someone who couldn’t handle it. So I pushed myself. I worked harder. Stayed up later. Powered through moments of doubt, convinced that achievement would eventually silence the insecurities.
Of course, it didn’t. (As I’ve since learned, so many others try, and fail, to do the same.)
Self-doubt followed me from law school into corporate law, where everything felt so hard. It followed me into my banking career, where I thought a career change might leave the doubt behind.
It didn’t.
It shadowed me in meetings, silencing ideas I wanted to share. It was the anxious churn in my stomach, the overthinking that ruined my sleep, the constant second-guessing that never let up.
Even when opportunities came my way, I rationalized my way out of them. I’m not ready. e timing’s not right. I told myself I was being cautious and wise. But really, it was fear. Fear wrapped in overthinking. Fear moonlighting as prudence. And still, I pushed myself, trying to drown out doubts that refused to let go.
That night, as I laid in bed all those years later, eyes locked on the faint glow of my phone screen, those memories resurfaced.
Then, it hit me. What if I’ve been asking the wrong question all along?
Maybe it’s not about how to go faster or push harder. Maybe the real question is: Why am I stuck in the rst place?
If I could figure out what was holding me back—what was really in the way—I knew I could help others move forward with their own struggles in a way that felt lighter. Less forced. Instead of feeling panic or dread that there was something missing in my work, I felt something else. Relief. Clarity. Possibility. Maybe there was another way, and I was ready to find it.
The Stickiness of Self-Doubt
Over the years, I learned, on a personal level, how to push past my own self-doubt. One step at a time, I rebuilt my career, strengthened my confidence, and achieved milestones I once thought were out of reach. I went back to university, earned credentials, and became a peak performance specialist, behavioral strategist, executive coach, and researcher, building a career in helping others unlock their potential.
But it occurred to me that maybe my perspective was too narrow.
For years, my work (and my own path) had focused heavily on the visible markers of success: landing the promotion, hitting the next career milestone, achieving a major life goal. These were the outcomes people sought, the things that felt like the solution to their self-doubt. And I was helping them get there. And yet, even when clients reached their goals, something was missing. Their selfdoubt didn’t lift (and neither did mine). If anything, it evolved, morphing into new fears, new insecurities, new thresholds of “not enough.”
So, in the quiet of that night, I tapped out a question on my phone. A simple, provocative thought that I sent to a list of a few hundred psychologists, performance coaches, and professors:
“If you wanted to sabotage someone’s success and happiness, what’s the most e ective way to do it?”
By morning, forty-eight responses had poured in. They were blunt, unfiltered, and eerily similar, saying things like:
“Make them overthink until they’re paralyzed by indecision.”
“Plant seeds of self-doubt so they question every move they make.”
“Get them to compare themselves with others and feel like they’re never enough.”
“Constantly remind them of their weaknesses so they lose faith in themselves.”
“Convince them they’re insigni cant, so they shrink away om their potential.”
Different words, same conclusion: To sabotage anyone’s potential, cultivate self-doubt. It doesn’t take grand, elaborate schemes. Just plant a tiny seed of self-doubt, and it will take root—it will stick. A person’s mind will handle the rest.
Let me tell you a story that demonstrates how self-doubt sticks around. At the end of 2021, my husband, Fayçal, and I rescued a stray dog. We named her Bonbon—French for “candy,” because she’s as sweet as they come. Plus, as French is Fayçal’s first language, the name just felt right. Bonbon quickly became part of our world. And so did an unexpected daily ritual.
Every walk through the fields near our home left us covered in burrs. These tiny, seeded pods were absolute nuisances. They’d become entangled in Bonbon’s fur, my socks, even my hair. Every day, without fail, we’d sit and pick them out, one by one.
Turns out, this wasn’t just our problem.
Back in 1941, a Swiss engineer named George de Mestral went hiking with his dog and came home covered in burrs too. But instead of just being annoyed, he got curious. Under a microscope, he discovered that these annoying little things had tiny, barbed hooks that latched onto anything they touched. His eureka moment led to what we now know as Velcro.
Here’s the thing about burrs: They don’t just stick. They cling. Relentlessly. Stubbornly. Almost impossibly. And so does selfdoubt.
It starts small. A passing thought, something you could easily brush off. Then it hooks in. It tangles its way into your decisions,
your confidence, even the way you see yourself. Left unchecked, selfdoubt becomes part of your mental operating system. It runs quietly in the background, shaping your choices without you even realizing it. This is where self-doubt turns toxic. Instead of keeping you vigilant, it makes you second-guess everything.
Like my clients did.
Like I did.
Like I’m guessing you do.
The mistake isn’t having self-doubt. The mistake is thinking you have to defeat it.
You don’t overcome self-doubt by silencing it—though that’s what too many of us believe (and too many “experts” teach). You take away its power by noticing it, understanding it, and changing your relationship to it. You unhook from self-doubt when you see it for what it is: a misguided attempt to protect you. That’s the irony. Self-doubt isn’t trying to sabotage you; it’s trying to shield you.
When channeled the right way, self-doubt can be useful. It’s like a friend in the passenger seat. The “good” kind leans over and says, “Hey, your fuel light just came on—better find a gas station soon.”
The “bad” kind is the obnoxious backseat driver who won’t shut up, insisting you take the next exit, even though your GPS is clearly right. The longer you listen to that voice in the backseat, the more convincing it becomes. Maybe I really am lost. Maybe I shouldn’t be driving at all.
The truth is that the world we live in today is perfectly engineered to amplify self-doubt. We’re more exposed than ever—scrolling through curated lives, juggling blurred lines between public and private selves, bombarded with messages about “making it” and endlessly upgrading ourselves. It’s no wonder self-acceptance feels almost . . . impossible.
More success doesn’t erase the doubt. More knowledge doesn’t silence it. And despite all our modern tools, psychological insights, and endless “life hacks,” self-doubt isn’t getting easier to manage; it’s getting louder. And there’s a reason why. Self-doubt isn’t something you can block out or ignore. It’s something you have to acknowledge. What I’ve learned—from my own life, from the research, and from the thousands of people I’ve worked with—is that, understood correctly, listened to well, and transformed wisely, self-doubt can be one of your greatest tools for growth.
From Self-Doubt to Big Trust
True success and peak performance—what I call operating from your “peak state”—starts with self-trust. It’s the ability to show up fully, stay grounded under pressure, and back yourself when it counts.
Self-doubt, though, is the ultimate kryptonite of that trust. It annihilates your belief in yourself faster than anything else.
For some people, like Sadia, it keeps them from even trying. When I met her, she’d been doing the work of a leader for years— running projects, making decisions, and mentoring her peers—but without the title. When her mentor encouraged her to apply for a promotion, she should have felt ready. Instead, she hesitated. What if I apply and don’t get it? Or worse, get it and fail?
I asked her, “If someone else with your exact experience were in your position, what would you tell them?”
Without thinking, she replied, “That they should absolutely go for it.”
That’s one way self-doubt works. It distorts reality. It feels true, but truth and perception aren’t always the same thing.
Then there’s the version of self-doubt that doesn’t stop you but keeps you running. That was Ray. On paper, he was the definition of success: top of his class, a series of fast-tracked promotions. Yet he was miserable. Everything felt harder than it needed to be, and nothing ever felt truly satisfying. When I asked him what he thought the reason might be, he then admitted, “I keep thinking the next win will be the one that finally makes me feel like I’ve made it.” For years, he believed that once he hit a certain salary, got a certain title, or proved himself to the right people, he’d stop second-guessing himself and finally feel at peace. But the feeling never arrived. It just attached itself to the next milestone.
“I don’t get it,” he admitted. “I’ve done everything I was supposed to. Why do I feel this way?”
For both Sadia and Ray, they had built their careers on different responses to self-doubt—Sadia by holding back, Ray by pushing harder—but underneath, the same truth remained: Neither fully trusted themselves.
I see this all the time with executive coaching clients. They’re smart and highly capable. But the mental strain of their self-doubt bleeds into everything. They toss and turn at night, wake up exhausted, and start the next day on caffeine and fumes. And over time, the very thing they doubted—their value, their ability to contribute—becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not because they aren’t capable or lack talent, but because self-doubt drained them of the confidence and energy to perform at their best.
But when you navigate self-doubt differently, prepare for it, and even use it as a tool for self-reflection and growth, things change. You stop hesitating. You worry less. You manage your anxiety. You sleep better. You wake up clearer, calmer, more focused. And suddenly, you’re healthier, happier, and way more productive.
Your self-trust grows and serves as the ultimate cheat code. And over time, that trust solidifies into something even deeper: Big Trust. That is, the ability to move through life freely, without being hijacked by doubt. You back yourself when it counts.
Once Sadia understood that her fear wasn’t about incompetence but driven by an inability to trust her own skills, she started making small shifts. She leaned into the strengths she did trust, like her ability to mentor others, her problem-solving skills, and her deep knowledge of the work she had been doing for years. She applied for and got the promotion. Months later, she told me, “I still don’t know everything. But I’m realizing no one does.”
Ray, on the other hand, knew he was competent, but he was coming to realize that his sense of self-worth hinged entirely on his achievements. If he wasn’t ranking near the top of the sales leaderboard, exceeding his quarterly targets, or receiving positive feedback from the leadership team, he felt worthless. For him, building self-trust meant separating his identity from his accomplishments. Some days, that meant pausing to acknowledge his progress before moving the goalposts. Other days, it was simply reminding himself: Success isn’t just numbers. It’s impact. A well-timed insight, helping a colleague, earning trust. Ray started tracking those wins, not just the bottom line.
My Obsession with Self-Doubt: Developing a New Framework
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the one people come to with their doubts, fears, and insecurities. It started early. In middle school, I somehow became the unofficial keeper of “secrets.” By high
school, I was the designated advice-giver (though I’m not quite sure why, given I had just as little life experience as they did). As the only daughter of Persian immigrant parents, I was the one my mom would confide in before my parents separated when I was fifteen. By university, and later at work, I found myself in the familiar role of listener and helper—classmates, colleagues, and people I had barely met sought me out for advice. It was like I had “Here to Help” tattooed on my forehead. And honestly? I loved it.
Years later, I turned that role into a career. I got an MBA, trained as an executive coach, and pursued a PhD that spans personality and organizational behavior (where much of this book’s model was born). My obsession is in uncovering what drives people—and what stops them in their tracks.
In 2017, Fayçal and I launched a global leadership development company focused on helping people break through their internal roadblocks. That mission turned into an ongoing experiment— analyzing the ways self-doubt limits human potential and, more importantly, figuring out how to break the cycle.
Through facilitating high-stakes corporate conversations, coaching teams, and training thousands of leaders from Fortune 500 giants like Microsoft, J.P. Morgan, Deloitte, and LVMH, I’ve spent years turning science, psychology, and real-world data into actionable tools that work. We help clients unlock greater creativity, enthusiasm, and peak performance.
Of course, I haven’t done this alone. Fayçal brings his own hardearned wisdom. With his razor-sharp ability to cut to the heart of any problem and a knack for infusing optimism into every situation, he’s been the perfect complement to my deep-dive obsession with human behavior. A serial entrepreneur and investor, he’s launched world-first consumer electronics, mentored at the Branson Centre
of Entrepreneurship, and consulted at the G20. He knows what it means to take risks, face fear head-on, and make things happen.
Together, we started our business at a small scale. And then . . . the world changed.
When COVID-19 hit, suddenly the entire world plunged into a collective crisis of self-doubt. Careers, relationships, and entire futures suddenly teetered. People everywhere questioned their decisions, second-guessed themselves, and felt stuck in ways they never had before. We pivoted quickly, moving to virtual training and sharing educational videos on social media. Remarkably, they went viral. Thousands of people reached out from around the globe. Their messages all contained the same thread running through them: People were feeling swallowed whole by self-doubt that was being amplified by the chaos around them. They didn’t know how to stop it.
That’s when I knew it was time to dissect self-doubt differently—to consider it not just as a frustrating mental loop, but as a pattern we could actively dismantle or transform. The more I studied self-doubt—and, more importantly, began to practice new techniques on my own fears and uncertainties—the more I saw just how powerful this work is.
This project led directly to my PhD research, where I discovered fascinating truths about our relationship with self-doubt. Through analyzing the data and cross-referencing it with years of client notes, I found that those who struggle most with self-doubt tend to be hyper-fixated on it. They become the self-doubt. They don’t just question their abilities or worth; they doubt who they are at their core. It shapes their very identity and can feel like a full-on crisis of self. The harder people try to “fix” themselves, the more they amplify all of their insecurities.
Through my research I also discovered that self-doubt isn’t just
one giant, messy “blob” of worry, fear, hesitation, and stress. It’s the combination of four distinct, trainable Attributes that shape your self-trust—and your identity. Together, they form your individual Doubt Profile.
But here’s what’s most exciting: These Attributes aren’t fixed traits. Each one is a pattern of thought and behavior, repeated over time, often without you even realizing it. In that way, they reflect your habits. And like any habit, they can be changed. If you strengthen the right habits aligned with each of the Four Attributes, you don’t just reduce self-doubt. You fundamentally change who you are. That’s how Big Trust is built—not all at once, but one small habit at a time.
Here’s how the Four Attributes of your Doubt Profile break down:
1. Acceptance — Do you believe you’re enough as you are?
2. Agency — Do you trust your skills and abilities?
3. Autonomy — Do you feel that you can shape your path?
4. Adaptability — Can you stay emotionally grounded when doubt arises?
Think of yourself as George de Mestral, curiously examining those burrs and their tiny, hooked barbs under a microscope. By breaking self-doubt into its “hooks”—the four core Attributes of Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability—you can pinpoint exactly where it’s latching on and you can begin to unhook yourself from its grip, one pattern and one habit at a time. That’s how you build a stronger sense of self and unlock more confidence, courage, and energy for the things that truly matter.
How to Make This Book Stick
This book is a guide for real life, grounded in science, and designed to get results. It’s not just a thinking book; it’s a doing book. Here’s what you’ll find inside:
• Insights, inspiration, and motivation to help you interrupt, challenge, and reimagine your beliefs. Your beliefs about yourself are shaped by repeated thought patterns. But those thoughts are not facts—and they can change. As you shift your thoughts and behaviors, you begin forming new habits—ones that reinforce trust in yourself rather than doubt. Through client stories (with names and identifying details changed for privacy), real-world scenarios, insights from well-known figures, and stories from my own life, you’ll see exactly how doubt operates— and how those who’ve overcome it have done so. Once you’ve seen all that, you can do it too.
• Practical, speci c guidance on working with the Attributes of Doubt—quieting the voices that hold you back while strengthening the qualities that naturally counteract them.
With Acceptance, you’ll anchor into your worth. With Agency, you’ll rebuild belief in your abilities and what you’re capable of. With Autonomy, you’ll feel more empowered and in control of your choices. And with Adaptability, you’ll handle challenges and emotions without falling apart. When practiced consistently, they unlock more confidence, courage, and energy for the moments that actually matter.
• e self-trust tools. You’ll acquire a toolkit to help you build self-trust, one small step at a time:
e Practices—These are a mix of reflections to take stock of where you are, simple techniques to challenge self-doubt in the moment, and exercises to help you unhook from doubt at a deeper level. Each practice helps reinforce ways of thinking and habits linked to the Attribute you’re developing. An entire Attribute of emotional Adaptability will help you understand how emotions amplify self-doubt and give you a new way to stay grounded, even when things feel uncertain.
e Gi s—For each of the Four Attributes, a final chapter offers an expansive thought exercise to help you gain a larger perspective on your life. They are simple, have no “steps,” and are available to you anytime, anywhere. They help break the spell of self-doubt and can reconnect you to a stronger sense of self.
A caveat: Self- doubt isn’t one-size-fits- all. Whatever shape it takes, self- doubt is deeply personal, influenced by your past, your personality, and the challenges you’re facing right now. So take
what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and let your approach grow as you do. Because life will change. New doubts will arise. And when they do, these tools will be right here, ready to meet the moment.
What’s Ahead
First, you’ll start with a twelve-question self-assessment to uncover your Doubt Profile—where you’re strong, where you struggle, and how it all fits together.
Then we’ll explore the deeper roots of self-doubt: how your brain is wired to protect you, and how your beliefs and internal stories often end up holding you back instead.
Next, we’ll dive deep into each of the four core Attributes and how to build Big Trust one habit at a time, with lots of examples of everyday people and well-known figures—and a few of my own experiences too. I’ve seen this model transform careers, relationships, and entire ways of thinking, and I can’t wait for you to experience it!
So, if you’ve ever felt stuck, second-guessed your potential, or wondered how to quiet the voice that says, You can’t do this, you’re in the right place.
Start where you are right now. Not where you think you should be. Not where someone else says you ought to be.
Right here.
Let’s begin.
SELF-ASSESSMENT: YOUR SELF-DOUBT PROFILE
There’s no getting around it—thinking about self-doubt touches a nerve. Your feelings (and your judgments) about your doubts can be painful, worrisome, energy-sapping, and at times overwhelming. You’re probably intimately familiar with the doubts that weigh heaviest on you, the ones that hijack your confidence and trigger big emotional responses. But what you might not see as clearly are the strengths you already have and the ways you quietly keep some of your doubts in check.
That’s why we begin this journey into Big Trust the same way we do with clients and students: with a simple, science-backed diagnostic. It’s just twelve questions, but don’t let the simplicity fool you. It cuts straight to the heart of where self- doubt holds you back most, and where your natural strengths—Acceptance, Agency, Autonomy, and Adaptability— are already working in your favor.
The point of these questions isn’t only to figure out where you’re thriving or struggling—it’s also to bring clarity. The goal is to give you a fresh perspective on the stressful, overwhelming “blob” of your self- doubt, and turn it into something you can work with. Once you see your patterns, you can start to shift them.
And with each shift, you’re building the foundation of something greater: Big Trust.
As you score your assessment, you might uncover one Attribute that feels like an Achilles’ heel—that tender spot where doubt sneaks in and self-criticism hits hardest. But just as often, people discover surprising areas of strength—domains where they stay grounded and resilient, even when things don’t go to plan. These insights matter. So, grab a pen and paper, open your notes app, or just mentally gear up, because it’s time to get real. Take all the time you need. Just be honest with yourself. And if you’re unsure, go with your gut.
Step 1: Rate Yourself
Rate each question on a scale from 1 to 5:
1 = Strongly agree (this is exactly like me!)
2 = Agree (often like me)
3 = Neutral (sometimes like me)
4 = Disagree (not really like me)
5 = Strongly disagree (not like me at all)
Questions
1. I often feel inadequate compared to others, as if they are somehow more worthy.
2. I often feel highly stressed, irritable, or anxious.
3. Deep down, I worry that people overestimate my abilities.
4. I find myself seeking approval from others to validate my worth and decisions.
5. I often feel like other people know what they’re doing, and I’m just trying to keep up.
6. I often feel that I don’t have control over my life.
7. I set standards that are impossibly high, and then, when I fail to meet them, take it personally and become self-critical.
8. I often question or second-guess my own competence or skills, unsure if I’m truly capable.
9. Whether or not I succeed mostly depends on who I know, not what I do.
10. I often feel like my career is out of my hands, and it leaves me feeling stuck or powerless.
11. I struggle to cope with personal or work problems—they stress me out a lot.
12. Even when I try to relax, my brain won’t switch off—it’s busy overthinking or worrying about what might go wrong.
Step 2: Tally Your Score
1. Add up your responses to questions 1, 4, and 7.
2. Add up your responses to questions 3, 5, and 8.
3. Add up your responses to questions 6, 9, and 10.
4. Add up your responses to questions 2, 11, and 12.
Your Score:
Acceptance Score: Q1 + Q4 + Q7 =
Agency Score: Q3 + Q5 + Q8 = _______
Autonomy Score: Q6 + Q9 + Q10 = Adaptability Score: Q2 + Q11 + Q12 =
Step 3: What Your Score Means
Each Attribute score falls into a range that tells you how self-doubt is showing up for you—whether it’s running the show, just an occasional challenge to deal with, or a strength to draw on and continue to cultivate. Here’s the breakdown:
Score of 15: “Superpower” Zone (Empowering). Here’s where you shine. Any Attributes in this range are your secret sauce. When challenges arise, these are the parts of you that step up and say, “I’ve got this.” Celebrate them. Use them not only to elevate yourself but also to lift up the people around you.
Score of 12–14: “Hidden Strength” Zone (Bene cial). These are your quiet wins. In these areas, you’re generally confident and self-assured, and while self-doubt might show up for an unwanted cameo now and then, it doesn’t hang around long enough to do real damage. They’re a solid foundation you can build on to tackle other areas of growth.
Score of 9–11: “So- So” Zone (Moderate). This is the “It’s not ruining my life, but it’s definitely not helping” territory. With a little focus, you could easily turn these into strengths that actually work for you, not against you.
Score of 7–8: “Hindrance” Zone (Detrimental). A score in this range means that the Attribute is eroding your confidence and setting up roadblocks, often without you even realizing it. This is a call to action for some nurturing and support to turn these detrimental patterns around before they do any more damage.
Score of 6 or Less: “Red Alert” Zone (Destructive). This is where self-doubt is taking up so much space in your life that your whole sense of self, your ability to make choices and decisions, your relationships, and your emotional state are
affected. If any Attribute score lands here, it’s a blaring alarm bell saying, “Pay attention!” This is your priority area, the place where intentional effort can help break these negative patterns.
A Short Primer on the Four A ributes
Self-doubt follows specific patterns directly tied to how you see yourself. In other words, it pulls on four specific levers that determine your sense of self-trust. These four Attributes shape how you show up—in everyday moments and in those big, defining ones. They influence whether you lean in with confidence, operate in your peak state, and live with intention, or whether self-doubt pulls you back into playing small. You’ll come to understand each of these Attributes in much more depth in later chapters. For now, a simple understanding is all you need to get a clearer picture of your own Doubt Profile.
ACCEPTANCE answers the question Am I enough? As a strength, this Attribute represents your internal sense of worthiness and acceptance of your strengths, your quirks, and your flaws, and knowing that your worth isn’t tied to external approval.
When Acceptance is at its lowest, what takes its place is self-rejection, where every imperfection feels like undeniable evidence that you’re unworthy. You constantly question your value, nitpick yourself to pieces, bend over backward for other people’s approval, chase impossible perfection, and freeze at the mere thought of failure.
If you wrestle with Acceptance, deep down you may believe:
I’ll never be enough unless I’m perfect. I can’t accept this part of myself unless others do. I have to change who I am to feel valued.
AGENCY answers the question Can I handle this? This reflects your belief in your own readiness—your trust in your ability to take action, solve problems, and follow through. Agency is what fuels your momentum, helping you rise to a challenge with confidence and persistence.
When Agency is at its lowest, what you feel is ine cacy, where every obstacle feels like proof of your inability to create a successful outcome and that you just don’t have what it takes. You doubt your skills, feel like a fraud, compare yourself to everyone who seems to have their act together, and end up stuck in a cycle of hesitation that keeps you from moving forward.
If you struggle with Agency, deep down you may believe: Everyone else seems to have it all gured out—they’re so much further ahead.
Seeing others succeed where I struggle just proves I don’t have what it takes.
If I admit I don’t know something, everyone will see me as a aud.
AUTONOMY answers the question Do my choices make a di erence? This Attribute relates to taking ownership— owning your actions, your choices, and the consequences
that come with them. It’s the belief that your decisions shape your future and that you have the ability to influence the direction of your life.
When Autonomy is at its lowest, you experience resignation, where life feels like a series of events happening to you, not because of you. You end up stuck in a cycle of helplessness. You play it safe, shrink into your comfort zone, avoid risks, and convince yourself that the world is out to get you.
If you struggle with a sense of Autonomy, deep down you may believe:
I don’t really have much say in whether I succeed or fail.
Life is a lottery—and I always seem to lose.
Life’s not fair. I can’t change anything, so what’s the point of trying?
ADAPTABILITY answers the question Can I manage my emotions? This Attribute is your emotional anchor. It reflects your ability to stay grounded when life gets messy, regulating your emotions instead of being ruled by them.
When Adaptability is at its lowest, you descend into overwhelm, where the smallest hiccup throws you off course. Stress piles up, anxiety takes over, and every little setback feels like the end of the world. You lose perspective and can’t think clearly. Instead of moving through your emotions, you get stuck in them.
If you struggle with Adaptability, deep down you may believe:
My emotions control me more than I control them.
Feeling upset is a trap with no exit; once the emotions ood in, logic checks out.
I’m just not cut out for dealing with pressure.