9781529146967

Your Boss Era

Your Boss Era

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First published by Ebury Edge in 2025 1

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To Mum and Dad

Because your borderline delusional levels of optimism about the world made me believe I could achieve literally anything . . . and, somehow, you were right.

Introduction

Hi, I’m Heather. I used to think a Business Management degree would prepare me for leadership; that, by the time I walked out of university, I’d have it all figured out –  I’d be confident, competent and ready to build a great career. Instead, I walked into my first management role feeling like an imposter.

I had spent three years sitting in lecture halls revising theories about what made a ‘good manager’. I had memorised models, written essays on outdated case studies and could explain the difference between transformational and transactional leadership in an exam. But when I stepped into my first real leadership role, none of it prepared me for what actually mattered.

Nothing I learned at university taught me how to have a difficult conversation with an underperforming employee; how to balance being respected and being liked; or how to make decisions when there wasn’t a ‘right’ answer, only a messy, uncertain one.

And yet, despite feeling wildly unprepared, I kept moving forward. I took the promotions, the pay rises, the next ‘step up’. By 26, I had worked my way from assistant manager of a small team at Harrods to director of operations in a FTSE 100 subsidiary, leading five different teams.

I should have felt like a leader.

Instead, every decision I made felt like a test I wasn’t qualified to take. Imposter syndrome sat in every meeting room with me, whispering that, one day, someone would figure out that I had no idea what I was doing. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for the moment I’d be ‘found out’.

So, I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I worked harder. I took on more. I said yes to everything. I told myself that, when I hit the next milestone – when I got the next pay rise, the next title, the next big win – I would finally feel like I’d made it. I would finally arrive at the version of myself who had it all figured out.

But that moment never came.

Then, when I hit 27, something changed.

The Shift

At that point, my career was objectively successful. I was earning a six-figure salary with even bigger bonuses. I had built teams, scaled companies and even played a big role in exiting a business for eight figures. But none of those things were the reason I finally felt different.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t just ‘surviving’ my job. I wasn’t working to prove something. I wasn’t chasing the next title to quieten the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough. I actually liked being at work.

And not in the way I had before – where work was a game of achievement, a ladder I was trying to climb. I liked my job in a way that felt healthy. It added to my life instead of draining it.

My life outside of work was different, too. My circle was smaller –  I had fewer friends than I used to, but the ones

I had were solid. After years of rocky relationships, I was finally in one that felt stable and real. I wasn’t burning myself out trying to keep up with everyone else. I had created a life that actually felt good, instead of one that just looked good on the surface.

And that’s when I realised: I was in my Boss Era.

What ‘Your Boss Era’ Actually Means

Your Boss Era isn’t about promotions, pay rises or external validation (although that is some of the fun stuff you’ll pick up along the way too). It’s not about faking confidence until you believe it. And it’s definitely not about working yourself into the ground to prove your worth.

As we move into our Boss Era, we step into a version of ourselves that is clear, capable and in control –  of both your management career and also of your life.

It’s about finding a rhythm that works for you –  where work is something that fulfils you, not something you have to recover from every week.

It’s about finally realising that being great at your job doesn’t mean never struggling. That confidence isn’t the absence of doubt. That leadership isn’t about knowing everything –  it’s about showing up, having the courage to make the call and being okay when things don’t always go as planned.

I wrote this book because I wish I’d had it when I started managing people. I spent years feeling like I was failing at leadership, even when I was getting results. I had to piece together my own blueprint through trial and error, through journaling, and through realising (often the hard way) what actually works.

And now, after thousands of hours spent managing teams, coaching leaders and testing these ideas in the real world, I’ve distilled everything I’ve learned into this book.

The 16 rules

Leadership isn’t something you’re naturally either good at or bad at. It’s not something you’re born with. It’s a clear set of rules –  and, like any skill, they can be learned, practised and refined.

This book lays out 16 of the most important rules I’ve used to build high-performing teams and create impact, all while actually enjoying my job.

These aren’t outdated corporate clichés or textbook theories. In fact, they go against almost everything I learned in my Business Management degree. They’re practical, tested and designed for real workplaces –  the kind with difficult personalities, shifting priorities and actual human dynamics.

Most leadership books are written from the perspective of someone reflecting from the top, from a senior position two decades later, full of wisdom but detached from the reality of what it takes to get started and from modern workplaces.

This book is different. I’m right here with you – just a step ahead in the leadership journey, reaching back to share what I’ve learned. I’m still figuring things out too, as I build another team from the ground up.

This book is written for right now. For managers stepping into leadership today, trying to navigate the complexity of managing people, while also trying to figure themselves out. If that’s you, you’re in the right place.

HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

Your Boss Era is split into 16 chapters, and those 16 chapters are organised into two parts:

1. People: Mastering the mindset

2. Systems: Mastering the mechanics

Don’t rush this book. There’s a lot to learn and do. I’d rather you read one chapter each week, and commit to the actions as we go. Each chapter will only take you about 20 minutes to read, but months of commitment to master it. Let’s get started.

Part 1

People: Mastering the Mindset

Leadership has had a bit of a facelift in recent years. While we traditionally valued authority, dominance and technical expertise in our business leaders, we now, thankfully, also recognise that leadership is about something far more human. People skills aren’t just trendy buzzwords –  they’re the foundation of modern leadership. In fact, they’ll shape your career in ways you might not expect, from the success of your hiring practice and how your company grows, to the legacy you leave behind.

Leadership hasn’t always looked like this. For decades, it was about being decisive, results-driven and firmly in control. Success was measured by numbers: hitting targets, boosting productivity and maximising profits. People were seen as numbers on a spreadsheet to manage as efficiently as possible, rather than individuals to empower. That approach got results back then, but today’s workplace has changed dramatically.

People now expect more from their leaders. They want to feel valued and heard. Hybrid work is here to stay, teams are more diverse, mental health and well-being have moved to the forefront of our workforce’s minds, and leaders must rise to meet these challenges by showing up entirely differently.

A recent study by the University of Sunderland highlights that 85 per cent of job success stems from strong people skills, while only 15 per cent depends on technical abilities. This shift reflects the growing recognition that interpersonal abilities are essential for effective leadership and team collaboration, a trend that is compounded by a more diverse and globally dispersed workforce.

Take Jacinda Ardern, the former prime minister of New Zealand. She redefined leadership by leading with empathy and compassion. In response to the Christchurch mosque shootings in 2019, her approach wasn’t cold or bureaucratic. It was deeply human. She stood in solidarity with the Muslim community, wearing a hijab and providing space for grief and healing. Her leadership wasn’t about wielding power, but about making people feel seen, heard and supported. And it worked. Her ability to connect emotionally made New Zealand’s response to the crisis one of the most praised in recent history. She proved that true leadership doesn’t come from having all the answers, but from empathy, trust and vulnerability.

That’s the power of people skills. They transform a manager into a great leader. Emotional intelligence (EI ), adaptability, empathy and conflict resolution are essential. If you want to build strong teams, make a lasting impact and thrive as a leader, you need to prioritise these skills.

Many people assume that people skills are innate –  something you’re either born with or not. But that’s far from the truth. Skills like courage, empathy and EI aren’t fixed traits; they’re abilities that can be developed with practice. Courage, for example, isn’t about grand, heroic acts. It’s about small moments of bravery, repeated over time, that shape you into a more confident and capable leader. The same applies

to empathy, EI and the ability to inspire. These aren’t mysterious gifts reserved for the naturally charismatic –  they’re skills anyone can develop with effort and intention.

What Are People Skills?

The Cambridge Dictionary defines people skills as ‘the ability to deal with other people in a friendly and effective way’. In simpler terms, they’re the human side of leadership, the skills that help you build trust, communicate effectively and handle challenges with empathy and EI .

Unlike technical skills (like coding, accounting or data analysis), people skills focus on how you approach situations and relationships. They include your strategic thinking, communication, conflict resolution and adaptability, among others.

These skills empower leaders to build trust, resolve conflicts and create an inclusive, thriving work environment. They’re the foundation upon which technical expertise can be fully leveraged.

Consider this: a technically brilliant leader who lacks empathy or EI might achieve short-term success, but risks burning out their team and damaging morale. Without strong people skills, you can unintentionally stall progress and erode workplace culture.

The best leaders know how to inspire, connect and cultivate a culture where everyone feels valued. In this section, we’ll explore the nine fundamental people skills you need to step into Your Boss Era –  from earning respect and building trust to mastering high-level EI .

Let’s dive in.

Own Your Emotions

(or They’ll Own You)

There’s one moment from my early days in leadership that still makes me cringe. It was a fast-paced morning working at the start-up where I was leading a small (but mighty) team. We’d just launched a new product feature that, while innovative, was proving confusing for our users and caused a spike in support queries.

One client, in particular, was livid. They’d sent several emails –  angry, urgent, desperate for help –  but, in an unfortunate mix of events, they’d been emailing the wrong department, and their messages had slipped through the cracks. When they finally did get a response, it wasn’t from the right team and offered no useful solutions.

By the time the complaint landed on my desk, the client was beyond annoyed. Although they’d sent the email to the wrong place, it didn’t matter, their frustration was entirely justified. We should have handled it better and the fault was clearly ours. But somewhere between my rising stress levels and my emotional immaturity as a leader, I couldn’t see it for what it was. Instead of recognising the situation objectively, I let my emotions cloud my judgement and reacted defensively. I let my emotions own me.

I still remember the moment I picked up the phone. I could feel my shoulders tense the second the client started talking, with the open-plan office quietening as people waited to see how I’d react. The client’s frustration was spilling out in a torrent of blame, and I felt it all landing on me.

That was the trigger.

I felt a mix of embarrassment that this had slipped through the cracks, defensiveness over the team’s processes and even some anger at the client for not following the ‘right’ steps.

Instead of pausing to get a grip on what I was feeling, I let those emotions take the wheel. My reaction was impulsive and stubborn – I told the client that if they’d emailed the right inbox from the start, they wouldn’t be in this mess. No accountability was taken. Not my finest hour.

Only with hindsight did I see that that response didn’t just make things worse with the client, it had a ripple effect across the business. The client left, frustrated with how we’d handled things, and they didn’t leave quietly. They posted a scathing review online, criticising our service and warning others not to work with us.

And my team? They saw my reaction loud and clear. By shifting the blame on to the client, I unintentionally gave them permission to do the same. Over the next few months, I started to see glimpses of blame culture seeping through the cracks. When things went wrong, fingers were pointed outwards instead of inwards.

It wasn’t long before the blame culture became glaringly obvious. Missed deadlines? Blamed on other departments. Poor customer feedback? Brushed off as ‘difficult’ clients. There was a pattern forming: no accountability, no ownership. Problems and mistakes weren’t seen as opportunities

to learn, they were just hot potatoes to be passed on to someone else.

And I knew deep down that I had participated in building this no-accountability culture. Your team do not do as you say, they do as you do.

I doubt the situation with that particular client was the sole catalyst for this culture to take hold. These things rarely come down to just one moment. But that call sticks in my mind so clearly because it was a turning point for me. A moment when I could have modelled accountability. And instead I did the opposite.

It was a stark reminder that how you choose to respond in those emotional, high-pressure moments doesn’t just impact one situation – it shapes your team’s behaviours, too. I could’ve de-escalated the situation, kept the client’s trust and set a better example for my team.

It took me a while to see that, but, once I did, it became clear that I had to change how I led. If I wanted my team to take accountability and handle conflict well, I had to start by managing my own emotional reactions. What I should have done was paused, taken a second to acknowledge that I was feeling defensive and frustrated, and then responded with empathy and accountability.

And that moment became one of the most valuable lessons of my leadership journey: there’s power in the pause.

The best leaders understand that between a trigger and a response, there’s a critical moment – a pause – where we get to choose how to react. It’s in that pause where real leadership can shine through.

What we’re really talking about here is EI , or emotional intelligence: the ability to recognise and manage your own emotions while navigating the emotions of others. And it’s no small thing. A comprehensive study by TalentSmartEQ examined the role of EI in job performance across various industries and roles. The research assessed participants on key EI competencies, and the findings revealed that EI accounts for 58 per cent of success in all job types, making it a critical factor in leadership effectiveness. Additionally, the study found that individuals with high EI earn an average of $29,000 more annually than their lower-EI counterparts, highlighting the financial benefits associated with strong EI . This isn’t just about staying calm for the sake of it or ignoring how we feel. It’s about understanding how your emotional responses impact those around you –  and learning how to channel those emotions to drive better outcomes for your team. It’s about owning your emotions (before they own you).

get the Emotional Advantage

In my own Boss Era, one of the biggest turning points was becoming super aware of my emotions and understanding that managing them is key to becoming a true leader. We should never be bottling them up or pretending they don’t exist, but instead becoming aware of them, and using them to our advantage.

Emotions drive our behaviour. When we don’t recognise our emotional triggers and manage our reactions, we risk creating toxic environments where fear, blame and frustration take over. Snap decisions made in anger or frustration

lead to poor communication, defensive team members and mistrust. Over time, this erodes team morale and can even result in a blame culture –  just as I experienced in my early days as a manager.

Letting emotions take control in the workplace often means leaders react impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully. Reacting before the pause can make a leader appear inconsistent, irrational or even unapproachable, which makes it difficult for their team to trust or follow them. It impacts everything from how decisions are made and how conflicts are handled, to how performance feedback is given. As a result, teams may avoid accountability, dread difficult conversations and lose motivation to push for better results.

By contrast, leaders with EI know how to separate their immediate feelings from the long- term outcomes they want to achieve. They understand that pausing to manage their emotions in the moment creates a more thoughtful, consistent approach that inspires trust and stability in their team.

It’s all about steering clear of those impulsive reactions (just like the one I had with the angry client).

I wanted to kick off this book with EI because, as managers, we are in the business of dealing with people. How successful we are in our role is entirely dependent on how well we can manage a group of human beings – all with different personalities, values and emotional responses. Emotions are woven into every meeting, decision and conversation. To lead effectively, we need to recognise them, understand their impact and learn to manage them.

EI needs to be woven into how we lead until it becomes second nature. But do not fear, it is a skill like any other that can be learned, practised and eventually mastered.

The EI Framework

At its core, EI is about managing the space between a trigger (an event or situation that provokes an emotional reaction) and your response. That space, however small, is where true leadership shines. It’s in that moment of pause that you choose whether to react impulsively or respond thoughtfully.

Now that we’ve established the importance of the trigger–response dynamic, let’s dive into a well-known framework for understanding EI in leadership. Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and author, is widely credited with bringing the concept of EI into the mainstream with his groundbreaking work in the mid-1990s.

In 1995, Goleman published his bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ , which was based on earlier research by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer. Goleman took their academic theory and made it accessible to a wider audience, particularly in the workplace. His book highlighted that EI  –  qualities like self-awareness, empathy and self-regulation – was often a better predictor of success than traditional measures like IQ .

Goleman’s book revolutionised how we think about leadership. In 1998, he published an influential article in Harvard Business Review titled ‘What makes a leader?’, where he argued that EI is the single biggest factor in distinguishing great managers from average ones. His research found that 90 per cent of top- performing managers have high EI , and that it plays a critical role in creating trust, team cohesion and improving overall organisational performance.

Today, Goleman’s framework for EI is still widely used in leadership development. It includes five key components which we will explore in detail and I’ll provide practical steps to help you apply them in your leadership journey. The five components are:

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-regulation

3. Motivation

4. Empathy

5. Social skills

1. SELF- AWARENESS: THE FOUNDATION OF EI

Self-awareness is where EI starts. It’s about understanding your own emotions, recognising how they influence your thoughts and behaviours, and being honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses. Without self-awareness, emotions can drive your behaviour in ways you don’t even realise. Think about a time when you snapped at someone after a stressful meeting or felt defensive when your ideas were challenged. If you’re unaware of your emotional triggers, those reactions can happen on autopilot – and they rarely lead to the best outcomes. Imagine you’re in a team meeting, and someone criticises your idea. Your first reaction might be to feel defensive or irritated. But if you’re self-aware, you can catch those feelings as they come up and take a moment to reflect. You might realise that your response isn’t about the feedback itself, but rather about a fear of failure or insecurity you’re carrying.

Recognising that emotional trigger allows you to manage your reaction –  perhaps by calmly asking for feedback to improve your idea, rather than shutting down or getting defensive.

In practice, this looks like:

• Pausing before reacting. When you feel frustration or defensiveness bubbling up, take a moment to ask yourself: Why am I feeling this way? What’s really triggering me?

• Tracking emotional patterns. Start keeping a journal or making mental notes of situations that trigger strong emotional reactions. Are there patterns? Are there certain people or scenarios that always cause frustration or insecurity?

• Seeking feedback. Self-awareness isn’t built only on internal reflections – it’s also how you’re perceived by others. Regularly ask your team or peers for feedback on how you show up as a leader. Do your actions align with your values?

• Recognising strengths and weaknesses. Self-awareness means acknowledging what you do well, but also being honest about where you aren’t the strongest. Are you quick to dismiss ideas that aren’t your own? Do you struggle to listen when under pressure?

Becoming emotionally aware is about recognising emotions as they arise and understanding where they’re coming from. The more self-aware you are, the better equipped you’ll be to make thoughtful decisions and handle difficult situations with clarity and composure.

2. SELF- REGULATION: THE POWER OF CONTROL

Once you’ve acknowledged the part emotions play in your reactions, the next step is learning how to manage those emotions in real time. This is where self-regulation comes in. Self-regulation is the ability to control your emotional impulses and respond in a way that aligns with your values and long-term goals, rather than letting your emotions dictate your behaviour.

In leadership, self-regulation is the difference between reacting impulsively and responding thoughtfully. We’re not trying to suppress our emotions or pretend they don’t exist. We can instead recognise them, pause and choose a response that serves the situation rather than escalates it.

Self-regulation is what keeps leaders calm under pressure, even in high-stakes situations. It’s about making sure that short-term emotions don’t derail long-term objectives. A manager who can stay composed, even in challenging moments, earns trust and respect.

At its core, self-regulation is about taking control of that trigger–response gap. It’s about expressing your emotions, but in the right way, at the right time and for the right purpose.

In practice, self-regulation looks like:

• Holding back from sending an email when you’re angry and revisiting it later.

• Choosing your words carefully in high-stakes conversations. For instance, removing overly emotive language and avoiding blame. Instead, focus on using neutral, fact-based terms that promote collaboration and clarity.