Misc.09.11.25

The Miscellany News

threat directed at Davison

Emma Brown News Editor

Davison House, one of Vassar’s residential buildings, was targeted by an unsubstantiated bomb threat on Friday, Aug. 29. The threat was received by the College around 9:40 a.m. via an anonymous social media post on an app called Fizz and subsequently investigated by Campus Security and the Poughkeepsie police department before it was ultimately determined to be a hoax.

Although President Elizabeth Bradley did not share the content of the threat in her communications with the campus community, Miscellany News reporters obtained a photo of the threat from a Vassar student. The threat, which was promptly taken down, stated: “Bomb has been planted in Davi in 3rd floor restroom! There’s an active shooter on campus!”

Fizz allows users to post anonymously, meaning the threat was unsigned; the app is only accessible if a user has a Vassar-associated email address. The post was quickly taken down after it was reported to administrators, leaving community members to

See Threat on page 3

Vassar students react to early decision lawsuit

Julian Balsley News Editor

On Aug. 8, Vassar was named in a class-action lawsuit, brought by three college students and a recent graduate, alleging that the College and 31 other selective colleges and universities participated in an illegal conspiracy to inflate their tuition prices. One of the named plaintiffs, Jude Robinson ’26, is a current Vassar student. Also named were the widely-used programs Common Application and Scoir, which operates Coalition Application, as well as the Consortium on Financing Higher Education (COFHE), an organization of highly-selective private higher education institutions with the stated purpose of sharing undergraduate education and financial information among its members.

The lawsuit alleges that the named institutions within COFHE agree not to recruit or admit students who have already been admitted via early decision to another member institution, thereby locking students into early decision (ED) agreements with a single school. In a press release by Philadelphia-based law firm Langer Grogan and Diver, which is co-counsel alongside the Massachusetts-based firm Cohen Milstein Sellers and Toll, partner Edward Diver said of the coordination, “It’s also a textbook antitrust violation—a horizontal agreement between competing schools not to compete.”

See Lawsuit on page 3

Revisiting the LA protests Dovetail releases new single

Jacob Cifuentes Opinions Editor

This article was partially written during the anti-ICE protests back in June, and partially written a few weeks later as a retrospective.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the Trump Administration’s Chief of Staff, Stephen Miller, had a meeting in late May, commanding U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to ramp up its arrest quotas targeting undocumented immigrants in Los Angeles. As this level of blatant fascism in America and beyond becomes hard to ignore, I keep stumbling on how the average person has not been “radicalized” by current events. By “radical,” I do not mean the connotations of violence or insanity often pinned onto the term. Rather, I mean a tendency to be ideologically opposed to the status quo. Some people are radicals because they are pointedly critical of the exploitative cogs of capitalism and imperialism. In contrast, others are radicals because they think the government is replacing white people with ethnic minorities. Radicalism in itself is not an inherently bad or good thing; it is just a means by which dissent towards power expresses itself.

Many of us have seen ICE detaining people who have no criminal record and send-

7

FEATURES

Seniors reflect on speakers and time in Carina Cole and Clara Alger’s coverage of Convocation 2025.

ing them to inhumane holding facilities like the Center of Confinement of Terrorism (CECOT) in El Salvador. Yet, Democrats and their allies like Senator Bernie Sanders are so focused on having a moderate and nuanced position. Their critiques are usually along the lines of: The ICE raids are bad and all, but violence—meaning property damage and physical resistance to armored police—is the wrong way to protest! Just hold signs and be nice! I spent some time feeling angry at this centrist and seemingly unproductive sentiment. Why be peaceful when the opposition is kidnapping people, shooting the press and trampling protesters? When the government stops obeying the law, why should civilians be obligated to protest lawfully?

These were just some of the types of qestions I was asking during the initial days of the Los Angeles protests. I felt that the intentional escalation of the situation in Downtown LA had, at least morally, warranted the behavior of the protesters who were out on the front line. I was not supportive of the burning of Waymo self-driving cars or the looting of Apple stores, yet I found it troubling that the media and the Democrats were focusing too narrowly on these crimes and not putting them in perspective by considering the more pressing crimes of the Trump Administration and

See Protests on page 11

Grace Finke discusses the controversy surrounding Sabrina Carpenter’s new album. 4 ARTS

Dovetail has set the bar high for music at Vassar. The dream-folk project of Naomi Sullins ’27 and Brynne Mershon ’27, Dovetail has been a notable presence on Vassar’s music scene over the past few semesters, performing in spaces from the stage at Folk Fest to intimate dorm shows. This summer, Dovetail released their first single: “raining here, too.”

A welcome addition to the playlists of Mazzy Star fans and indie rockers everywhere, “raining here, too” is an elegantly layered ode to distance, love and questions unanswered.

Sullins and Mershon both play a range of instruments—you may have seen them running events for the Student Music Union (StuMu) or playing as Oasis in the Halloween cover show. This year, they are turning their focus towards Dovetail. Though it is early in their career, Dovetail is already gaining traction: They recently surpassed 1,500 monthly listeners on Spotify and were featured on the popular music publication Stereogum. Since its release last July, “raining here, too” has garnered over 5,000 streams on Spotify alone.

Instrumentally, the song is gentle and hypnotic: you do not even realize you are crying until the bridge hits. I had the privilege of hearing it live before its release. The experience of hearing it out loud is powerful—I do

not bring up crying irrelevantly. Fans of unreleased songs often worry that the studio version will not capture the magic of the live version. I will admit it: I had that fear. Seconds into my first listen, that fear evaporated. Lyrically, “raining here, too” is a testament to Mershon and Sullins’ compatibility. Rich and complex, Dovetail layers vocal lines and harmonies with finesse and precision, hitting you where it hurts and pulling back into hazy metaphor.

“Our writing process isn’t really a static thing,” Mershon said. “For other songs of ours, it’s much more collaborative the entire time. For ‘raining here, too,’ this was our first time writing our own verses separately. It was really fun because my verse has a completely different melodic structure and rhyme scheme—Naomi’s verse is a lot more open, mine is a lot more dense and lyrical, and they’re both tied together with the chorus.” The bridge of the song is perhaps its strongest point in terms of composition and emotional impact. “It was almost magical how it came together, when we had the idea to layer these two very different verses with very different melodies over each other,” Sullins said.

Though Dovetail is a two-person show, there is a third member of the team working behind the scenes: Sullins’ father, Roger Sullins. A working musician in Sullins’ hometown of Tampa, Florida, Roger Sullins works

See Dovetail on page 4

Soren Fischer unpacks the complexities of public transport in an age that exalts individualism.

Join us in the Rose Parlor on Saturday September 13 1:30-3:00pm from to learn about all about what we publish and how the paper operates. th

THE MISC MINGLE

Learn all about Vassar’s one and only student-run newspaper! INDIVIDUALS WITH DISABILITIES REQUIRING ACCOMMODATIONS OR INFORMATION ON ACCESSIBILITY SHOULD CONTACT THE CAMPUS ACTIVITIES OFFICE AT 845-437-5370.

Come meet section editors for news, features, arts, opinions, sports, games and humor, copyediting, photography, social media, design, graphics, cartoons, and web-mastering.

Feel free to email misc@vassar.edu with any questions.

False bomb threat displaces Davison residents

speculate about the nature of the post.

Upon receiving the threat, Campus Safety sent out an alert to all students at 10 a.m. which read: “We have received an anonymous unsubstantiated bomb threat targeting Davison Hall. In an abundance of caution, we are evacuating the building, and you should avoid the area until further notice.” Immediately thereafter, the fire alarm was activated in Davison House, signaling to students that they needed to immediately evacuate the building. As the alarms sounded, Davison students gathered in the residential quad outside of their dorms, speculating about the nature, origin and authenticity of the threat.

“When I first saw the alert I was surprised and felt unsure, but not exactly unsafe,” said Davison resident Sofia Abrahamson ’27. “I didn’t think it would be something real or substantiated, and any fear I had pretty quickly subsided. I mostly thought it would turn out to be a result of misinterpretation or at most an empty threat, but I also had friends who were more concerned.”

“At first I was annoyed when the fire alarm went off, because I thought it was a mistake, but as soon as I got the notification from the College, my family reached out,” said Davison House Fellow Intern Jackson Hrebin ’28. “I was nervous and concerned because of the timing of the threat and other things that had been in the news. But, more likely than not, I thought it was a hoax.”

Davison House Advisor Dylan Stratton wrote to The Miscellany News, “Upon receiving the emergency notification, I went to the quad and directed students to step further away from the building… From the few students I spoke with there was general concern [but they] were cooperative with the request to vacate and stay away from the house until it was cleared to return.”

As returning students moved into on-campus housing, Davison residents were displaced from their dorms for several hours while Poughkeepsie police searched the building for explosives with

Lawsuit

Furthermore, the plaintiffs argue that ED is inaccurately presented to applicants as a legally binding agreement, which allows colleges to first raise the price of tuition and fees for ED applicants, then subsequently raise tuition costs for all admitted students.

The alleged higher ED prices discourage middle and lower income students from taking advantage of the relatively higher admissions rate: The U.S. News and World Report listed Vassar’s ED admissions rate at 33 percent, compared to an overall 18.6 percent acceptance rate for the Class of 2028.

The Vassar administration contests the complaint’s basic arguments. Vice President of Communications Victoria Grantham wrote in an email to The Miscellany News, “Vassar does not share early decision lists or names with other institutions. At Vassar we meet 100% of demonstrated need regardless of whether the student is accepted in an Early or Regular Decision round.” Grantham explained that, due to ongoing litigation, she could not respond specifically to questions about whether Vassar was a member of COFHE and how the College could prevent ED from catering to wealthier students.

Vassar students who spoke to The Miscellany News for this piece described how their

bomb-sniffing dogs. Director of Campus Safety Arlene Sabo explained to The Miscellany News, “Given the serious nature of such a threat, the Town of Poughkeepsie department responded to the scene to coordinate the emergency response to ensure that Davison was safe and investigate the report. Vassar College falls within the jurisdiction of the Town of Poughkeepsie Police Department so all calls that require a law enforcement emergency response start with and are coordinated by their agency.”

As police combed through the building, Bradley sent a message to the campus community at 12:13 p.m., writing, “[The Col-

lege is] taking the utmost precautions to ensure the safety of our campus.” During the search, Campus Safety officers monitored the perimeter of Davison House to ensure that community members stayed a safe distance from the residential building until it had been cleared by the police.

Four hours after Davison House was evacuated, Bradley updated the campus community via email at 2 p.m., noting that the threat was determined to be a hoax after the police and Campus Safety officers concluded their search of the building. Bradley noted, “This situation has been disturbing and unsettling for our community.”

In an email to The Miscellany News, Bradley wrote, “The process for investigating also involves reporting the threat to the social media provider, so they can remove the post and respond to legal processes to explore the identity of the person who made the threat.”

The investigation into the bomb threat is ongoing and the perpetrator of the threat has yet to be identified by authorities. The Poughkeepsie police department is leading the investigation, but Vassar’s Campus Safety office will continue to coordinate with them as needed.

belief that ED was a binding agreement influenced their college application processes.

Sadie Bakken-Durchslag ’28 [Disclaimer: Bakken-Durchslag is an Assistant Copy Editor for The Miscellany News] did not apply ED to any schools because, as she described, “I was scared I wouldn’t get enough financial aid and then I’d be locked into a school that I couldn’t afford.” Bakken-Durchslag recalled that the college counselors at her public high school in Minneapolis, Minnesota, had discouraged students from applying ED to any colleges for that very reason.

Like Bakken-Durchslag, Ben Masur ’27 felt he could not afford to risk applying early decision and forfeiting his ability to compare multiple schools’ financial aid packages; however, it was not his only reason. “I had three schools that I was very interested in. I wasn’t totally sure between two, but Vassar was among my top choices,” Masur said. “And that did impact not applying early decision, but also, financials.”

Maya Egrie ’28 applied ED to Vassar and had a very different experience than either Bakken-Durchslag or Masur. She attended a private high school in San Francisco where applying to universities ED was the norm. “I would say the reason I did ED in the first place is because the college counselors at

my high school really encouraged everyone to do it,” Egrie recalled. She had also set her heart on Vassar: “Before I ED’d, I just had to convince myself fully that this was the only place I wanted to go… I don’t think I would have ED’d if I couldn’t convince myself of that.”

While both Bakken-Durchslag and Masur felt they could not commit to a school— including Vassar—without weighing their options, they ultimately felt that Vassar gave them good financial packages. “It wasn’t the 100 percent best financial aid offer I got, because I got an almost full ride at one school,” Bakken-Durchslag explained, “but it was worth it for the education and the connections that Vassar could [bring], and… it wasn’t so obscene that we couldn’t figure it out.” Masur, who is from New Hampshire, commented, “I’m getting a very good deal to go here because Vassar meets all demonstrated needs. I think I’m paying as much to Vassar as I would if I was going to my state school… I think need-based aid does a really good job of providing equitable financial aid and allowing people to afford college.”

The lawsuit brought against Vassar and its co-defendants has far-reaching aims, including an injunction barring use of binding ED, restitution for students forced

to pay more than they would have without the alleged conspiracy and reforms to future admissions and financial aid practices. “I do think in a lot of ways it makes sense to get rid of early decision,” Masur concluded. “It’s a way for the wealthy to have an advantage at getting into the top schools. And I disagree with that as a premise. I think that’s wrong.”

Additionally, Bakken-Durchslag said, “I think it’s incredibly messed up that people with more wealth are able to have a better shot at getting in [to competitive schools], and also they don’t have to worry about the cost at all. But then I have to remind myself that they are the ones who are technically paying for me to be here in some way.”

Although the complaint’s litigation is ongoing, students expressed presumptive belief that certain elite schools would engage in such a conspiracy. “It definitely sounds like something these schools would do,” said Egrie. In the San Francisco private school system, she described, information sharing and non-competition agreements were well-known: “They’re gonna talk about who’s demonstrating interest where, and you’re only gonna get into this one or this one. So, I’m not surprised that colleges do the same thing.” Masur commented, “It does seem like a plausible thing.”

Dovetail releases first single ‘raining here, too’

Continued from Dovetail on page 1

with Dovetail on their production.

“My dad is basically an honorary band member,” Sullins said. “He’s this hippie worship leader who’s done music his whole life. He mixes music as a hobby. He got really excited when we sent him the demo, which at first was very bare-bones.”

The demo for “raining here, too” was recorded last April in StuMu’s practice room, located in the basement of Blodgett Hall. “The demo was originally Naomi’s synth part, a melody on the keyboard, a synth bassline, drums and this beeping noise, which were all loops on the practice room keyboard,” Mershon said. “I had my guitar part, which was the chords, and then a picking part I wrote. We sent that over alongside some doubled vocals we did.”

After recording, Sullins and her father worked together to refine the track and add details. The guitar solo at the song’s end, the atmospheric strumming and a few other flourishes are courtesy of him. “The demo turned into the final song—we never re-recorded any elements of it. The vocals you hear on the song, every single vocal part, all of the guitar, and most of the synths were recorded in Blodgett basement,” Mershon said. By all metrics, “raining here, too” is an indie success story: The song has been streamed all over the country and was recently played on a radio station in the UK. “It was honestly

so surprising,” Sullins said. “After a while, it was sort of a pinch-me moment because everything kept going right. I thought, this is usually not how this is supposed to happen. Even getting so far as releasing a song was crazy in its own right, and strangers telling us they like it is even crazier.”

Mershon has already had some original solo music of her own out on streaming platforms, but for Sullins, the world of publicly promoting music is an unfamiliar one. The group’s self-run TikTok account has seen notable success with several videos surpassing 10,000 views. Dovetail is indie in the truest sense of the word: self-managed, self-written and self-marketed. “I was literally googling ‘best online indie magazines’ and doing research to find people who worked in music reviewing,” Mershon said.

Dovetail are masters of DIY—they are frequently seen selling their handmade, block-printed merch at campus events. The cover of “raining here, too” was taken in the woods behind Vassar’s Sunset Lake by the group’s friend Sierra Iames ’27 during their freshman year. The duo edited the photos together, layering drawings and motifs done by Sullins on top.

After the success of their first song, Dovetail is returning to the mixing board. They plan to release an album eventually, and fans of “raining here, too” can expect a second single from them in the not-so-distant future. In

the meantime, you can find me in the front row at Dovetail shows, weeping, dancing and singing: “When you said I’d changed, did you mean it in a bad way?”

Carpenter delivers comical controversy in new album

In an age of absurd sexual politics, female promiscuity has become one of the most controversial topics in pop culture. In the heat of this debate, Sabrina Carpenter released “Man’s Best Friend” on Aug. 29, a collection of 12 songs mainly centered around Carpenter’s relationships and sexual encounters with various men. Before I could even begin to form an opinion on this album, I witnessed outcry from the internet, ranging from criticism of the record’s male-focused gaze to disapproval of Carpenter’s proud ownership of her sexuality. Since the release of her sixth studio album “Short and Sweet” (2024), Carpenter has curated a persona that is funny, clever and extremely horny. She played into this by modeling different sex positions in live performances of her song “Juno” and making witty innuendos throughout her lyrics. While “Short and Sweet” begins adopting this image, Carpenter fully embraces it in “Man’s Best Friend.”

After the June release of the album cover, which features Carpenter on all fours with a faceless man pulling on her hair, she was accused of playing into misogynistic tropes of female submission. Carpenter, however, defended this image, claiming that it was a form of self-expression. She said to Interview magazine, “I mean, there’s a lot of nuance to this and I’m not naive to that, but I felt like, ‘Why is this taboo?’ This is something that women experience in such a real way, becoming comfortable with themselves and who they are.”

With all this in the back of my mind, I enjoyed the music of “Man’s Best Friend.” I quite like the way that Carpenter explores both contemporary and nostalgic styles of pop music, featuring layered vocal harmonies and both acoustic and synthesized instrumentals. She also takes influence from a variety of different genres, such as disco, country and house.

“Man’s Best Friend” has a quirky and playful sound that reflects the overall character of the record. Carpenter plays with different

harmonic progressions in “Tears,” jumping between two unrelated keys throughout the song. “Go Go Juice” leans into Carpenter’s country influence, featuring a heavily acoustic backing track with guitars, fiddles and a more pronounced twang in her voice.

My personal favorite track, “When Did You Get Hot?,” features a groovy beat with a swinging bass line and arpeggiated chords, perfectly accompanying the sultry tone Carpenter sings with. What truly ties this album together musically is Carpenter’s vocal ability; she has proven to be an incredibly skilled and versatile vocalist, and as a singer myself, I really enjoyed hearing the different ways Carpenter showcased her pure talent.

The most obvious contributor to the tone of “Man’s Best Friend” is the lyrics. Carpenter’s lyrics are packed with puns, metaphors and shockingly direct descriptions relating to how she feels about men.In “Tears,” Carpenter sings about how basic competence and respect arouse her, crooning, “A little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay / Assemble a chair from IKEA / I’m like, ‘Uh.’” Carpenter immediately follows this up with “My Man on Willpower,” a frustrated ballad about how her partner’s newfound self-restraint and stability have diminished his interest in her.

While some of the songs are connected in theme, Carpenter does not necessarily follow a specific narrative throughout the album. “House Tour” serves as an extended analogy for her desires, with Carpenter singing, “And I promise none of this is a metaphor (Ah) / I just want you to come inside (come inside) / But never enter through the back door.” On the other hand, “Never Getting Laid” is a more traditional breakup song, with Carpenter wishing that her ex never finds someone who makes him as happy as she did.

Though Carpenter has not explicitly stated so, I believe “Man’s Best Friend” is a satire at its core. The content and subject matter are entertaining and show that she does not take herself too seriously. But despite it being an engaging piece of music, its impact on the discourse surrounding women and their place in

relationships is still important to consider.

I believe that when analyzing a piece as pointed as “Man’s Best Friend,” it is important to think about both the cultural context and the artist’s intentions. In the 10 years it took Carpenter to break through in the pop sphere, she had finally found her footing in a comical and overly dramatized style, with her 2023 music video for “Feather” establishing this

new branding. “Man’s Best Friend” almost parodies her public persona, making it clear that Carpenter is not necessarily trying to influence her audience but instead is having fun playing with her own image. “Man’s Best Friend” is an expression of Carpenter’s sexuality and proves that she has full agency over her relationships and sexual encounters.

‘The Phoenician Scheme’ does it all

Benjamin Kaplin assistant arts editor

Whatmakes a Wes Anderson movie

a “Wes Anderson movie?” This is a question the American director himself has been asking across his most recent releases, especially his last outing on the silver screen, 2023’s “Asteroid City.” A film which divided both critics and audiences alike so deeply that a discussion began across the cinema world that Anderson could not continue to find mainstream success with his specific bohemian style.

In his latest release, the sprawling and introspective “The Phoenician Scheme,” Anderson seamlessly examines what his style means, along with dispelling that conversation almost entirely. An incredible ride with deep characterization and, though being more accessible than his previous outing, still an uncompromising testament to the Anderson style of filmography.

“Asteroid City,” fully embraced the theater background behind Anderson’s work and asked viewers to navigate meta-narratives through the stilted characters his films are well-known for. There are elements of this psychological, or even partly psychedelic, side of Anderson in “The Phoenician Scheme,” but overall, this film harkens back to an older era in Anderson’s filmography.

He returns to a more grounded narrative centered on the exploits of Anatole “Zsazsa” Korda (Benicio del Toro) in his efforts

to create a mega-project out in the fictional nation of Phoenicia.

This, however, does not derail the film at all. Instead, The Phoenician Scheme is bursting with action. The first scene opens with a soft vignette of protagonist Zsa-zsa on his private jet before it spirals into chaos as his unnamed assistant is blown in half by a would-be assassination attempt. Unlike the rest of Anderson’s work, the film directly shows the exploits of one of his acclaimed eccentric and worldly characters, rather than explaining it through exposition.

We, the audience, do not just hear the adventures of Zsa-zsa as background to explain why he is the way he is, but instead see them and understand how such a morally gray and peculiar man operates. From offering acquaintances hand grenades, to micromanaging others whilst decorated in rags from injuries, to the hilariously witty catchphrase of “myself, I feel very safe” in dire situations, the whole breadth of Zsazsa’s characterization is explored by the final scene. He is equally calm, explosive, emotionless, humane and vulnerable.

It also helps that accompanying Zsazsa is his daughter, the nun Liesl (Mia Threapleton), and the bug-obsessed tutor-turned-adventure secretary Bjorn (Michael Cera). This big three is the Wes Anderson equivalent of Pat Riley getting LeBron James and Chris Bosh to join Dwayne Wade on the Miami Heat back in 2010. Cera has long been a dream casting

for the awkward dialogue and calculated actions within the Anderson style, yet he still somehow exceeds expectations by being both silly, deeply moving and entertainingly suave. But the real breakout performance in this film is Threapleton. Her subtle performance is unflinching, from her mild-mannered movements to her precise, calm British accent and vocal tone. She is deeply commanding in her role, perfectly complementing the veteran performance Toro puts up.

At certain moments, it really clicks: Great writing meets stellar performances and flawless characterizations. Yet, they are still unmistakably Wes Anderson characters who always stand vertically upright in the middle of the frame. The direct line deliveries and awkwardness that accompany nearly everything surrounding them, which you can either love or hate, are a barrier to entry for the average viewer. For example, the religion-fueled scenes set in a pseudo-Christian heaven that act as interludes throughout the film could be seen as either an eye-opening character study or Anderson insisting on himself and his style to an obnoxious degree.

But how does it look? “The Phoenician Scheme” is a phenomenally cinematic film and, in a wonderful departure from many modern films, deeply and diversely colorful across scenes that are not just shot well, but composed in a way to illustrate the precise goals of both the film’s direction and characters within. The lighting and set de -

sign are detailed but occasionally archaic, switching between uncanny otherworldly planes of existence like the religious interludes, tightly designed areas including the Korda private jet, and expansive, lavish environments like the Anatole mansion.

Various scenes are standouts, such as the tightly shot and hilarious conversation between Zsa-zsa and the wealthy and comically precise Marty (Jeffrey Wright) or the game of HORSE against Leland (Tom Hanks) and Reagan (Bryan Cranston). One of the more fun things about this stage of Anderson’s career is his ability to plug in A-list character actors, such as Willem Dafoe, Benedict Cumberbatch, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson, into smaller but more focused roles that verge on cameos in beautiful scenes. My favorite cameo, though, is the overly cocky revolutionary soldier Sergio (Richard Ayoade).

Overall, “The Phoenician Scheme” treads the line delicately but successfully between “another Wes Anderson film”— including all the pros and cons that come with such a polarizing director—and the natural experimentation that comes with trying to create great art. It shows that, even in as weird a time for movies as 2025 is, you can have an entertaining film that does not compromise on its style and ability to connect with the viewer on a deeper level. It remains to be seen how this film will look in a few years, but I would guess it will rank somewhat highly in Anderson’s discography. Myself, I feel safe saying that.

Artists boycott Spotify over CEO weapons investment

Noah Duncan Columnist

Around two months ago, I saw a post by the band Deerhoof on my Instagram Explore page—because how else does anyone get news these days?

“We’re taking Deerhoof off Spotify,” the post read. “‘Daniel Ek uses $700 million of his Spotify fortune to become chairman of an AI battle tech company’ was not a headline we enjoyed reading this week. We don’t want our music killing people. We don’t want our success being tied to AI battle tech.”

The “AI battle tech” company in question is Helsing, a for-profit defense startup that has made its name arming Ukraine in

its war against Russia. The company has historically specialized in software, but recently began mass-producing AI-powered strike drones and has plans to create other fleets of autonomous military vehicles.

This investment, made with money earned off the backs of artists that consistently claim the platform underpays them—Taylor Swift even had her music removed from 2014 to 2017 for that reason—has understandably rubbed a lot of musicians the wrong way. In a similar announcement following Deerhoof’s, the band Xiu Xiu called Spotify a “garbage hole violent armageddon portal.” Rock band King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard has also removed their music, writing, “Can we put pressure on these Dr. Evil tech bros to do better?”

Spotify has, in recent years, come under fire for a litany of reasons. It has done little to curb the rise of entirely AI-generated music on its platform, even refusing to label it as such. In 2022, Neil Young and Joni Mitchell each left Spotify in response to its exclusive $200 million-dollar deal with Joe Rogan, the American podcaster then accused of spreading misinformation about COVID-19. Young and Mitchell returned their music to Spotify after Rogan’s podcast was made available on other services, though Spotify remains involved with the show, whose controversies continue. Were he to have expanded his boycott to Apple and Amazon—companies with their own laundry lists of controversy—Young said his music “would have very little streaming outlet to music lovers at all.”

Spotify has always been a company more

versed in the lingo of venture capital than musicianship. Before starting the company that made him a billionaire, Daniel Ek built websites for small companies in high school and founded an advertising startup.

As Glenn McDonald, a former employee of Ek’s, told the Los Angeles Times, “It’s well documented that Spotify was only a music business because that was an open niche.”

Now, much of the 21st-century cultural vanguard must navigate that businesses’ politics and policies, a sad irony partially mitigated by the phrases it produces, like “garbage hole violent armageddon portal.”

While the story of musicians struggling against large corporations is certain-

Spotify has always been a company more versed in the lingo of venture capital than musicianship.

ly nothing new—Columbia Records, the first American record label, was founded in 1889, shortly after the invention of the phonograph—the advent of streaming has meant an added layer of compromise and coercion. For those artists discontented with streamers’ paltry streaming payouts or the Silicon Valley ethics of the corporations behind them, participation in the system seems like the only choice. Deerhoof’s record label, Joyful Noise Recordings, wrote in support of the band’s Spotify boycott: “Since the dawn of streaming, inde -

pendent artists and labels have essentially been forced to participate alongside various streaming entities in order to survive, entities that are often funded by sources that do not align with our values.”

Over the past few decades, streaming services have become the de facto interface through which the world ingests music, just as social media corporations and their algorithms now mediate our relationships with one another. People like Ek, like Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk, have become cultural figureheads—and with AI now fueling everything from Instagram slop to new weapons technology, their influence is only growing stronger.

We forget, though, that their power comes from their users, from billions of aggregated accounts that have decided, consciously or not, that the utility of Spotify or Instagram or Amazon outweighs their downsides: moral, financial or otherwise.

Ek has defended his investment in Helsing: “I focus more on doing what I think is right, and I am 100 per cent convinced that this is the right thing for Europe.”

The argument, he says, is that AI weapons technology is already proliferating and that without its help, the democracies of Europe will fall behind.

And if he thinks so, that is his right. But it is also the right of users of his platform, both artists and listeners, to decide whether they want to be complicit in Ek’s vision of the world. Even among limited and deeply imperfect options, consumer choices matter.

And, hey—CD and vinyl are still alive and kicking, too.

My summer working with the public library

When was the last time you went to a public library? This summer, I was a Summer Learning Intern at a public library, and it seemed like every other person I shared that fact with had not visited their local branch since grade school. For years, public libraries have been under fire across the country. I must have heard every argument against libraries by now: waste of taxpayer dollars, full of objectionable content, too welcoming to unhoused people, too much technology now, not enough technology, too much censorship, not enough censorship, turning my kids gay, et cetera, et cetera.

Even those who want libraries to stay open and funded often told me they did not think they had a library card anymore, since they had not used it since the fourth grade. I do not intend to tell anyone they should get a library card, attend a library event or even just stop fighting to get libraries closed. Instead, I want to share five of the countless beautiful moments I had the pleasure of witnessing this summer, thanks to the public library.

Every morning when I pulled into work, a crowd of unhoused people would be outside the library an hour before it opened, waiting to get inside. I live in a desert. In the summer, the humidity is nearly always zero, and the temperature is nearly always over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Wildfire smoke comes along every year in August, causing the air quality to plummet to dangerous levels. The first time I was shelving books upstairs, a group of regulars came to settle into the tables they normally occupy for the day. I saw a man log onto a computer and start playing a game, something library critics often complain about, arguing that someone else might

need to do something “important” on the computer. The man tapped his companion on the shoulder and said in the happiest voice I could imagine, “Man, this is the most fun I’ve had all week.” How lucky I was to hear that kind of joy in someone’s voice.

Once, during an outdoor storytime event, I stood near a woman, sitting on her own towards the back, with a very small newborn baby on her breast. Another woman noticed that she was alone. She left her toddler with the large group of friends and children she arrived with, sat with the new mother, offered her a bottle of water, and they chatted throughout the entire duration of the program about the weather, “Love Island” and countless other light topics. The new mom walked away with the other woman’s phone number and a bigger smile on her face than the one she arrived with. How lucky I was to bear witness to a moment of connection instead of loneliness.

One evening, I was helping facilitate an event for kindergarten-aged kids. Only two children came to the program, but my boss and I carried on with the activities as planned. One of the children present that night thrived with the extra attention we were able to give him. At the end of the event, his mother came up to thank us and tell us it was the first time he had ever made it all the way through a library event. How lucky I was to help a child feel heard and seen in an environment that could have otherwise caused anxiety. Like many libraries, mine gives kids stamps on their hands at the end of storytime. One afternoon early on in my internship, I was stamping hands and noticed that a child with vision loss seemed a little disappointed that he could not tell what was on his hand. His mother was not describing it to his satisfaction. By the end of my internship, the

children’s librarian’s desk was stocked with an array of tactile stickers with all kinds of fun embossed pictures and braille words identifying the image. How lucky I was to be taken seriously enough that my concern for one child translated into action that can enable more joyful learning.

During a visit to a summer school class, several kindergarten students told me and my boss that they did not have scissors or glue at home. It is hard to imagine a childhood without the freedom to create and stretch your imagination with a desk full of scrapbooking supplies. One of the projects I was most proud to work on this summer was creating early learning preparation bags to be distributed to local kindergartens. These were full of activities designed to help students develop the fine motor skills needed to grip a pencil, the ability to cross their midline, a critical

aspect of learning to read and much more. In this bag, we also included a brand new glue stick and a brand new pair of scissors. How lucky I was to ensure that 50 early learners will never be able to tell a librarian that they do not have the tools to create at home again. It would be impossible to write out every moment I saw someone learn something, or feel happier, or be more comfortable or more physically able to face the day after visiting the library. It would be even more impossible to write out every moment I felt lucky to work there and spend my days trying my hardest to make someone else’s day better. Again, even though I am not here to tell anyone what to do, I just cannot help myself. Consider visiting your nearest public library sometime soon (Poughkeepsie has three excellent branches). Maybe, you will get as lucky as I did when I first walked into mine.

Seniors reflect on 2025 Convocation

Carina Cole, Clara Alger Editor-in-Chief, Contributing Editor

On the afternoon of Wednesday, Sep. 3, members of the senior class gathered by the President’s House in cap and gown, rushing around to take pre-ceremony photos and say hello to friends under the bright sun. After they quieted and slowly filed into the Chapel—passing through a corridor of professors and first-years sitting cramped on pews—the annual Convocation ceremony began. Held in the Chapel since its erection in 1904, Convocation is an enduring tradition that celebrates the start of a new academic year. The ceremony is primarily attended by first-year students and seniors, as it both acknowledges and honors

fessional, extracurricular and academic journey. Shea founded Conversations Unbound while an undergraduate at Vassar, a non-profit organization that provides displaced people with opportunities to serve as language tutors. Shea’s speech was followed by remarks from Mariya Novosad ’26, President of the Vassar Student Association (VSA), who stressed the importance of maintaining awareness of world and political events which occur outside of Vassar’s grounds, but still affect—whether directly or indirectly—its student body.

Additionally, this ceremony honored the 2025 Faculty Endowed Chairs, which included Brian Daly, Professor of Physics on the Alexander and Ethel Klemin Chair in Physics; Deon Knights, Assistant Professor

the life cycle of a Vassar student, from Orientation week to the final walk across the graduation stage.

Beyond commemorating the journey of the senior class and newly-minted firstyears, there are a variety of awards and speeches honoring both current professors and alumni alike. After remarks from President Elizabeth H. Bradley and Dean of the College Carlos Alamo-Pastrana, Eddie Gamarra ’94 and Stephanie Goldberg ’14, Chair and Vice Chair of the Alum Recognition Committee, respectively, welcomed Elise Shea ’19, the 2025 Young Alum Achievement Award recipient. Shea, who also completed a Master of Public Policy at Oxford University, spoke about classes she took while at Vassar—like Subaltern Politics with Professor of Political Science Himadeep Muppidi—that shaped her pro-

of Earth Science and Environmental Studies on the Mary Clark Rockefeller Junior Chair; Molly McGlennen, Professor of English on the Alexander and Ethel Klemin Chair in English; Thomas Parker, Professor of French and Francophone Studies on the Louise Boyd Dale and Alfred Lichtenstein Chair; and Zachary Donhauser, Professor of Chemistry on the Mary Landon Sague Chair.

The Convocation address was made by Dr. Jodi Schwarz, Professor of Biology, with participation in the Biochemistry and Environmental Studies multidisciplinary programs. Schwarz discussed the marvelous symbiosis of coral and algae, explaining, “After all, the coral and the algae are from different biological universes.” Schwarz went on to note that this symbiosis creates a collaborative entity, not unlike each class at

Vassar, made of students from different locations across the world with varying lived experiences, and the event of Convocation itself, which honors students, professors and alumni from across generations. Moreover, Schwarz emphasized the importance of seeking out new experiences and places, stating, “The most profound moments of our lives can happen when we place ourselves into a state of dislocation and see things in new ways, learning to recognize what others have to offer and discovering new parts of ourselves.” As Schwarz finished her speech, the audience erupted with applause, creating a boisterous, heightened awareness of just how many people lined the chapel pews.

This year, the ceremony was extremely well-attended by the senior class. When asked why she chose to attend, senior Mette

rounded by a lot of people I got to know over the four years, and just to be super grateful and aware of just how a small community can really connect you to way more people than I think even going to a bigger school might.” Tate also commented on VSA President Mariya Novosad’s speech, explaining, “It was like, this place [the College] isn’t perfect for these reasons, but it is still special to be here, you know what I mean?”

Other seniors did not quite feel the emotional air to the event. Lucy Hultquist ’26 noted, “I felt like it felt a little bit gimmicky, and I wondered if it was because of the internet and being connected to the wider world and not fully immersed in Vassar’s academic culture.” She added, “My peers seemed really lighthearted and like it was kind of a big joke, which is fine, but I don’t think it’s probably how it felt 50 years ago. It wasn’t

McKinney said, “I went to Convocation because I like those little, tradition-y things. I went freshman year, even though so many people were like, ‘I don’t want to be in there and it was a million degrees.’” She continued, “I like the little tradition to kick off my year. My friends were going, I think my whole house went except for one who was sick.”

Senior Frances Pope also recalled the sweltering start to his first year, recalling, “I felt very emotional because I kept thinking about when I was a freshman, I was so tired, so overwhelmed, I kept falling asleep… And now as a senior, I was very present, very excited to be there. And I was just thinking about how different it was this time around and how much I’ve changed in these last four years.”

Ciara Tate also reflected on the passage of time, saying, “It was also nice to be sur-

very somber at all.”

Although the experience of Convocation may have changed over the years, Pope maintains that it is an important marker of time. “I was walking over with Professor Bob Brigham and he was like, ‘I know it feels corny, but you’re going to look back on it as special,’” she noted, adding, “If you get the chance to go to Convocation, go, obviously.”

The speeches concluded, and a still silence hung throughout the Chapel before being interrupted by rows of Vassar College Choir members shuffling into place. They rose—some in cap and gown, some in denim and T-shirts—and began to sing the ceremonial “Gaudeamus Igitur,” a song that has been a part of the Convocation ceremony since at least the 1920s. The seniors processed out, high heels and leather boots marching in time to the tune, before silence swallowed the Chapel once more.

Water chestnut

From

the

desk

of

Emma daRosa, Humor Editor

takes over Deece ice cream water:

“The EPA is advising us on next steps” says

PB Breaking News

Surviving Freshman Fall: The Definitive Guide

Wren Buehler Stoic Sophomore

Rejoice, class of ’29! I, Wren Buehler, Assistant Humor Editor of The Miscellany News and aspiring advice columnist, have taken it upon myself to teach you that which I have learned as a freshman, so that you might not make the mistakes of yesteryear. Without further ado, here are the most important tips for Freshman Fall, divided by subject area for your convenience.

Personal and Relationship.

Hook up with your roommate

Feeling lonely? Good news—there are situationships everywhere, for those with the eyes to see them. You and your roommate already know you have lots in common, so why not make things easier for both of you and make out already? You won’t even have to sexile anyone.

Find your people

Since you’re at Vassar, you were a freak in high school (and if you weren’t, you should already be working on a transfer application). That means that college is your time to come out of your shell. Fast. If you don’t have eight best friends, one or more partners and a potential godmother to your firstborn by the end of September, you’re falling behind.

Try hard drugs

College is a great time to start drinking. Or smoking weed, if you’re lame. Or smoking cigarettes, if you’re an English or Art History major and also lame. But why stop there? I tried heroin, cocaine and meth before Halloweekend last year. In fact, I’m on at least eight unlabeled pills as I’m writing thiiiiiiiiiii,; &

Ijoijijj

as I’m writing this, and I’m barely experiencing any side effects!

Orgs and Extracurriculars.

Know your stereotypes

I believe it was Sun Tzu who said, “All friendship is based on being a huge bitch.” If you want to fit in with your new friends, you’d better know what every org on campus gets mocked for. Most of this information will come with time, but to start you off, always remember: The NSO are a bunch of weirdos, The Misc are self-important and pretentious and the Fireflies straight-up kill and eat people.

Avoid the wrong type of extracurriculars

The best way to branch out in college is to maintain ironic detachment from anything that might be a source of weakness, and org participation is one of the biggest stumbling blocks. By the end of the semester, when your hallmates have made dorkass friends that will last them years, you can feel superior knowing that you don’t hang out with the type of people who organize board game nights.

Kiss ass and you’ll get a research position in no time

Some professors are a bit more hesitant to hire freshmen for some reason. In the case of a stubborn professor, simply eat papers off of their desk until they are forced to acquiesce to your demands.

Academics

Never study

Need I explain more? College exams test your innate intelligence, and studying can’t fix that. If you’re struggling in class, that’s a

good sign that you’re dumb, and you should probably switch to being a biology major. Speaking of…

Figure out your major, fast

You may feel behind if you don’t already know your field of study. But don’t worry—many students don’t know their major until two or three weeks into their first semester. Consider biology if you can’t read, environmental studies if bio still sounds too hard for you, or drama if you hate money and stable employment.

Other

Know your campus slang

You may be confused by the way non-freshmen speak. Words like “Deece” and “Nircle” should be second nature, but

Annie McShane/The Miscellany News.

some may still be confusing. Try to learn the definition of the following campus slang by the end of the semester: Dasement, Rocky, Hitting the Grunt, Smoking Ape and Slurm.

Know your President

President Peanut Butter Bradley is an important figure on campus, and she’s worth knowing about. All about. PB was a bob model for several years before becoming a public health expert and then a glorified babysitter. Nowadays, she’s known for her emails and her mastery of snake style kung fu.

Drink the ice cream scoop water at the Deece Do it.

HUMOR

Vassar College to go pigeon-only, no more human students

Josie Wenner Pigeontastic

Shock swept campus today as Vassar College announces plans to go pigeon-only, no longer admitting human students. The decision came after weeks of debate among Board of Trustees members and faculty. “It was a difficult decision, but a necessary one,” said Chair of the Board Sharon Chang ’84. “The Board has reviewed the data, and the numbers are clear. People are the past, and pigeons are the future,” Chang continued.

The Class of 2029 will be the final human-only class at Vassar, and pigeons will start being admitted as members of the Class of 2030. Over the next few years, the College will slowly phase out humans and only admit pigeons, with the Class of 2034 being the first entirely pigeon class.

“Pigeons are just better than people,” said prospective student Percy Pigeon. “I mean, we take up less space, we can fly, we’re much more adorable and we’re far better at navigation. Frankly, I think it’s about time there is an institution of higher education devoted solely to us and our needs.” Percy, a senior at LaGuardia High School in Manhattan, hopes to get into Vassar as an early decision applicant and double-major in music and political science.

Current Vassar students aren’t quite as thrilled. “I am so, so, so scared of pigeons,” said Zach Flisakowski ’27. “I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t even care about humans not going here anymore. Like that’s not even an issue for me. I am just so scared of pigeons.” Flisakowski has been undergoing intense pigeon exposure therapy in preparation for the pigeon invasion, and can now be alone in a room with a feather for 30 minutes without panicking.

“I don’t really know how I feel about it,” said Maria Milovanovic ’27. “I mean, pigeons are fine. Some of them are kind of cute. But a whole school full of pigeons? What if I go to a party and it’s all pigeons? I’d feel like such a loser for crashing the roost.” Despite her initial apprehension, Milovanovic hopes to go crazy at a pigeon-human rave next year.

“Oh, I’m ready,” said Haley Brown ’27, wearing a pigeon costume. “When the pigeonpocalypse happens, I’ll be all set. I’ve decided I’m going to try to live as one of them. I will fully assimilate into pigeon society, where I will be crowned queen, as I will be the largest and most formidable pigeon of them all!” When asked what her plan is for when all the pigeons fly to class and she has to walk, Brown growled “shut up, what are you, the pigeon police?” and

angrily stomped away.

A physically smaller student body may lead to some structural changes at Vassar. The College will also be able to admit more students, as pigeons don’t mind sleeping three or four to a dorm room. “We’re actually discussing construction plans to convert Jewett into a roost designed specifically for avian students,” said Sparky Hammer ’26, president of the Vassar College Drills, Nails and Other Tools Club. “Dean Alamo wants the VCDNOTC to be VERY involved in the construction process. We may not be birds, but it’s still great to have students’ voices be heard in the plans. We want to make things as comfortable as possible for our new pigeon friends.”

Interviews with students and faculty still hadn’t answered the biggest question of them all: Whose idea was it to have Vassar go pigeon-only? Dean Luis Inoa didn’t know, but he was excited to participate in pigeon pluralism circles. Gordon Common, head of dining, didn’t know, but he grumbled about making a whole new menu catered towards pigeons. Even Chair Chang didn’t know, but she mentioned a very interesting name: President Bradley. Our reporters followed up.

“Oh, yeah, the pigeons,” President Bradley said, looking up from her plate of breadcrumbs. “The pigeons. Yeah, I just think it’s time we diversified, species-wise. I’m just kind of sick of spending all day

surrounded by humans. You guys are all so annoying. Pigeons won’t smoke cigarettes outside of the Deece. Pigeons won’t have messenger bags when backpacks would be far more practical. You know what, why are you even asking me all this? Leave me alone!” President Bradley then stormed off, leaving a single feather on her chair.

This interview raised suspicions. Further observation of President Bradley had her pecking at the ground, cooing at John

“The Board has reviewed the data, and the numbers are clear. People are the past, and pigeons are the future.”

Bradley and preening her hair. Peculiar, un-President-Bradley-like behaviors. Finally, it was spotted: a zipper hiding underneath President Bradley’s bob. Upon tugging on said zipper, President Bradley’s body split in half to reveal seven pigeons operating an incredibly life-like President Bradley robot suit.

Petunia, Penelope, Patricia, Perry, Patrick, Phoebe and Parker Pigeon hatched their scheme six months ago. Frustrated with the absence of pigeons in higher education, they decided to take matters into

their own hands. After spending weeks working on their hyper-realistic President Bradley suit (complete with swinging bob and fabulous pantsuit!), they climbed inside and began to puppet. Petunia and Penelope took the legs. Patricia and Perry took the arms. Phoebe took the head. Parker and Patrick ran on hamster wheels in the chest to power the robot. The seven of them worked together like a 14-winged machine.

“Yeah, you got us,” said Phoebe Pigeon while being led away in tiny pigeon-sized handcuffs. “You may have won this battle. But we? We will win the war. We dared to believe that pigeons like us could get a college education, and for that, we were punished. But someday, our flock will soar!”

“My only crime was standing up for the rights of my fellow birds,” said Penelope Pigeon while being shoved into a police car. “Well, that and the kidnapping.”

The real President Bradley has been discovered locked in an abandoned room in the Raymond basement. Aside from several beak marks, she was unharmed. The pigeons allegedly lured her to the basement with the promise of a free trip to Rwanda.

“I’m just happy the school is okay,” said Bradley. “Well, I guess I’m more happy that I’m okay. As it stands, however, I’m hoping to ban birds from campus forever. Maybe a big dome or something to keep them out.” It will be a long time before anyone on campus forgets the Great Pigeon Scare of 2025.

Disney capsizes Jungle Cruise ship after guest pass expires

Noah Daube-Valois

On Wednesday, Sept. 10, security officials at Florida’s biggest amusement park capsized a Disney Jungle Cruise Ship after discovering that the five hour playpass of 11-year-old passenger Bobby Carpenter had expired.

This marks the second time that a maritime affair has made national headlines over the past two weeks. Last Tuesday, the United States nuked a Venezuelan cargo ship that they alleged was shipping illegal drugs. No evidence supporting the claim has been provided to this point.

“The perpetrator bought his pass at 9:02 a.m. today. Over five hours later, at 2:13

p.m., he crossed through the Magic Kingdom and boarded the Jungle Cruise,” Head of Operations Joe Lampert explained. “When a visitor stays after their pass has expired, we have no way of knowing who is in the park. Our hometown demographic has made it clear that they are threatened by children who are here illegally.”

“After a six-hour-long operation, we are proud to announce that we have eliminated the threat. Bobby is now in the Timeout Zone.” Lampert continued. “I would like to thank the dozens of security personnel that put their lives at risk today.”

Minutes after Lampert concluded his briefing, Governor Ron DeSantis arrived at the scene. The politically-savvy governor, who is suspected of wearing height-boost-

ers to stand six feet tall, saw an opportunity to flip one of his perceived weaknesses into an advantage. Slipping off his boots, he was able to clear the 5’5’’ maximum height restriction for the ride and take his press conference from another Jungle Boat.

One topic that Desantis covered was how to discipline the perpetrator. Last week, Florida became the first state to eliminate vaccine mandates. One punishment the governor raised was to put Bobby’s name on a list of people required to get the measles vaccine. Critics, including U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert John F. Kennedy Jr., have since called this idea “unbelievably cruel,” and have instead suggested jail time. Bobby’s family, on the other hand, is said to likely appeal, request-

ing that Bobby receive the flu and COVID-19 vaccines as a punishment as well, which would save them a trip to the doctor’s office. Despite decrying illegal pre-adolescents, DeSantis praised the overall safety of the park. ”People bash authoritarianism and the right to carry, but those two things have kept crime low here,” he said, gesturing to the Storm Troopers roaming Star Wars World on his right. When asked by confused reporters if those comments were a joke, DeSantis called “Star Wars” the “greatest docu-series ever made.”

At 6 p.m., an hour before Disney World closed, the Governor revealed that he had “confidential and urgent business to attend at the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride” across the park.

ARIES March 21 | April 19

HOROSCOPES

Emma daRosa Sister Wife

You might meet someone with the last name Burbank this week, like Truman Burbank of “The Truman Show.” Kind of a weird name in my opinion. It’s like if a bank was cold. Also, you have to duel them to the death. Sorry! Out of my hands :(

TAURUS April 20 | May 20

Ugh, this is such a bummer thing to have to tell you, but a little creature is going to steal all your shoes this week. That’s right, a little ghoulie is going to steal your feet houses like in that one “Harry Potter” movie. You can try to hide them but you will fail.

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

You’re going to have the best week! It’s literally going to be SO “Gilmore Girls.” That’s right, a 12-year-old girl is about to approach you and steal a sample of your hair to determine whether you’re her biological father!

CANCER June 21 | July 22

The summer you turned pretty? I think that next summer is going to be the summer you lose all your hair. Not from male pattern baldness or a disease or anything… from something different. Maybe you’ll get a Netflix show!

LEO July 23 | Aug. 22

DO NOT even DARE to throw four parties this week with the intent of flirting with only one person. Who are you, Ted Mosby from my favorite show “How I Met Your Mother?” Everyone knows three parties is the absolute max one should throw to get someone to fall in love with them.

LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22

You’re gonna trick not one, but TWO cops this week with your fake ID! I mean, I’m completely shocked to be honest. What the fuck do you mean it was between that or Mohammed???

SCORPIO Oct. 23 | Nov. 21

You’re going to get a great internship this semester! Well, great for your resume. Between you and I though, your boss may be evil Meryl Streep and demand you get her twin daughters a copy of a highly anticipated, not yet released children’s fantasy novel. Kind of reminds me of something I watched one time…

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21

Kind of getting the vibe that your week is going to be like that show “Yellowjackets.” CANNIBALISM? No, don’t be gross, you little weirdo. You’re going to join a soccer team!

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19

I see you starting some kind of a recreational sports league on campus this week. Something we don’t have yet, like women’s baseball. Rumor has it that your team will be in a total league of its own.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18

Don’t let anyone punk you into joining a polygamist marriage this week. Have you even seen the show “Sister Wives,” you idiot??? Eventually your family’s Robyn will come, your husband will stop having sex with you and you’ll have to join an mlm.

VIRGO Aug. 23 | Sept. 22

You may poop your pants this week, you may not, there’s no way to know. Don’t tell anyone if you do. That’s the kind of gross, disgusting, totally fucked up shit that you can’t even find in films or television shows.

PISCES Feb. 19 | March 20

Careful where you go this week. I heard a rumor that someone is trying to lure you onto the set of a show and then they’re going to lock you in there to try and live out a sort of Truman Show-esque fantasy. I’m sure you’ll be great on TV!

Reflecting on nonviolence and June’s LA protests

Continued from PROTESTS on page 1

ICE.

The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, said in an official statement, “If you incite violence or destroy our communities, you are going to be held accountable… people will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” after rightly condemning the White House. This type of conventional rhetoric is not wrong, but it signals to the average person that property damage will be taken more seriously than constitutional breaches resulting in ripping families apart. It is not practical to obfuscate the situation and its solution like this. I could not be convinced that any of these actions by

When the government stops obeying the law, why should civilians be obligated to protest lawfully?

the protesters were not ultimately justified in the context of the ICE raids.

On Thursday nights, a Portland-based Shingon Buddhist monk and priest, Reverend Kosho Finch, holds Dharma talks—lessons aimed at spreading Buddhist wisdom.

On the Thursday following Miller’s initial

command, Rev. Kosho decided to give a presentation on nonviolent protest tactics. As a Buddhist, I understood the necessity for nonviolence in political situations. Yet as a radical—under my previously articulated definition—I felt that there still had to be a degree of intimidation; the anti-ICE movement had to have a bark and a bite for the agenda to be taken seriously. Why would this arrogant administration concede without a physical threat?

Rev. Kosho answered my questions and blew away my doubt. He defined nonviolence as not just standing around with a sign in isolated protests and telling everyone to calm down, but using symbolism, civil—and possibly even illegal—disobedience, strikes and other forms of societal disruption or anti-institutional signaling to achieve one’s goals. His Dharma talk also concerned the question of outcomes, where he claimed that the dominant power will use their superior violet methods on the groups who are using violence and chaos as their main tactic. Therefore, if you want to be successful against a force like the U.S. government, you cannot resort to violent action, or you will be stamped out. His talk also served as a reminder that the goal was never to cause more bodily harm, but to stop it altogether.

I still cannot accept the empty words of Democrat officials trying to talk down to people who are hurt and angry. Their form

of “nonviolence” and Rev. Kosho’s forms of nonviolence are not the same. The Democratic Party approved nonviolence, such as wearing Ghanaian kente scarves and kneeling in “support” of the 2020 Black Lives Matter movement, is impotent. On the other hand, Kosho’s nonviolence— which is based upon Buddhist ethics—does not bow down to legality and performatively progressive sensibility like the Democrats’. There is a recognition that the law is fallible, and it is often necessary to ignore and subvert it. Rev. Kosho gave the exam-

Radicalism in itself is not an inherently bad or good thing; it is just a means by which dissent towards power expresses itself.

ple of the Greensboro Sit-Ins. Sen. Sanders’ tweet offered a vague allusion to the Civil Rights Movement as well, but forgot to add how illegal Dr. King’s actions were. The sitins involved four Black college first-years who sat at a white-only diner in segregationist North Carolina in 1960, not only challenging the racism of the diner owner

and affirming their humanity as a bunch of guys who want some lunch, but also breaking the evil and psychotic laws of Jim Crow America without using fists or a gun. That is power.

Appealing to violence only follows a might-makes-right logic that we need to hit the opposition really hard, and then our aims will come to fruition. That is the mindset of the warmonger and the imperialist, and we cannot become like them. With an immature Commander-in-Chief who is willing to sic a militarized Los Angeles Police Department, the national guard and the Marines on unarmed civilians, there is no winning in violent provocation. Discipline is as necessary as disobedience. A better solution is to have two fronts, admittedly inspired by TikToker Justin Scott. One is practicing the disciplined disobedience already outlined, and the other is in the conversations, taking back the narrative. This article is an attempt to provide resources for that second front, because a lot of people are either unable or unwilling to put their bodies on the line, and that is okay. Here is an alternative: Help allies make a common narrative of whatis happening in LA and other places of importance, and promote that narrative on whatever platforms you have. This is how we can dismiss the Democrat calls for compliance and the fascist accusations of violence.

Vassar grades are rising: we have to think beyond them

Luke Jenkins Senior Editor

On campus, grade point averages (GPAs) are on the rise. As per statistics provided by the Registrar, the Class of 2025’s average GPA was 3.70. At the turn of the century, Vassar’s average was 3.34. In 1990, it was even lower: 3.12.

Mount Holyoke was the first school in recorded history to use a grading system with letters. In the spirit of rivalry with our fellow Seven Sister—and because rising grades make themselves less meaningful—we should reconsider the importance of these letters.

Our culture loves talking about grades. If you had strict parents, it began in childhood. If you watched movies, you saw Cher Horowitz beefing up her report card in “Clueless” by using lawyer-approved argument tactics. For years, splashy opinion pieces have proclaimed the large rise in college GPAs across the nation, dubbed “grade inflation,” as a symptom of higher education’s rot; that students at elite schools are being coddled or rewarded for mediocrity. The reality is, of course, more complicated. We might have easier coursework, but I cannot prove that. Perhaps our coursework is easier, but grades have risen for a variety of reasons. Professors might give out high marks to receive better course evaluations in a tough job field or to encourage continued study in a department. They might want students to care less about grades, so they hand out good ones. Schools want their students to be competitive in the job market and postgraduate admissions. And students want—very badly—to be competitive too. We want our parents to be happy. So, like Horowitz, we plead and scheme. Rather than pointing fingers at each other or sitting around in that milieu, we can “go to the source,” as our Vassar gods instruct. When we ask ourselves, “What

lurks behind a grade?”, we quickly arrive at a larger problem, one that extends beyond the current debate. Nobody grades the same.

Consider these questions about grades: “What should the mark really represent? Should the mark be based upon ability or performance, or even upon zeal or enthusiasm?” This quote is from 1913, published in “The Marking System in Theory and Practice,” by I.E. Finkelstein. It gives us a taste of the large debate over what grades should mean. Do they represent excellence, profi-

Schools want their students to be competitive in the job market and postgraduate admissions. And students want—very badly—to be competitive too.

ciency, participation or something else entirely? In practice, our campus grades can represent any, all or none of this criteria. Standards vary across departments, professors and even semesters.

So grades are a bit of a mess. But the problem with this mess that needs more attention is how it disadvantages students in the classroom—specifically, how it warps the feedback we receive. When most students receive a grade in the A range, that A is not a precise indicator of our performance. How do we know if we have sufficient analytical skills or dynamic essay writing? How do we know if the effort we are putting into our work is appropriate, if we can get a B+ for doing nothing?

Easy grading is a sleeping beast. It can feel nice to do little and receive an A-, but it

sidesteps an opportunity for genuine praise or genuine criticism.

A solution to this system’s relative meaninglessness, bypassing grades entirely, is written feedback from your professor. Some already want you to deprioritize the grades they give and focus on their comments. Some give great comments already. They give you half a page of ideas to improve an argument in an essay. They hand back tests with pools of ink. They plainly state what you excel at, and where you must improve. Others do not, and that is a shame. A shame that can change, if we have the courage, like Horowitz, to ask politely.

Written feedback ensures students know where they stand. It is often effective. Not only that, but quality feedback feels good, too. Being seriously engaged with, not receiving the same generic responses, makes for not only a scholarly connection but a human one.

There are potential bureaucratic solutions to this problem. You can put the average grade in a course on a student’s transcript. You can deflate grades and cap the number of As given out per semester. In fact, Princeton tried that and it was wildly unpopular. So did Wellesley. But bureaucratic fixes, successful or not, follow years of small, organic changes in the classroom. An emphasis on written feedback could be that change.

If they represent less, we must think less of grades. Although some of us have spent a lifetime being told that they are everything, we must learn to think of them as just “something.” As students, we can attempt to love learning not because of the validation we receive when we do well in class, but from the promise of a fulfilling life. We can take risks academically, read outside our field of study or write about subjects that intrigue us. It can start by grabbing another book from the library, or asking professors questions outside of class

about your own interests. This makes use of our resources and gets us out of our comfort zone.

When discussing “grade inflation,” there is an instinct to refer to what other schools are doing. I am guilty of it several times in this article. Past articles of The Miscellany News do as well. The desire to imitate is an instinct that disadvantages us if we focus too heavily on it. Like looking at someone else’s test, Vassar’s community deserves a unique response. Dare I say, a “fearlessly

Written feedback ensures students know where they stand. It is often effective. Not only that, but quality feedback feels good, too. Being seriously engaged with, not receiving the same generic responses, makes for not only a scholarly connection but a human one

consequential” one?

I hope, and believe, that a large chunk of students care about academic integrity. Some do, and others might not. But their opinion might change tomorrow or next year. I hope too that professors are bold enough to challenge us and encourage rigor without relishing in it. In the meantime, we should focus on the skills our education provides: a critical eye, an attention to detail and a love of learning. All of those skills are older than grades—older than schools. They impact our future contentment more than we realize.

Individualism makes for bad public transit

Soren Fischer Senior Editor

Public transit can suck, and it often does. Common complaints flood online forums, city council meetings and coffee shop conversations alike: the lack of personal space when crammed in with strangers, unpredictable schedules, inconvenient routes and fares that seem to rise without any visible improvements. Add that to the basic discomfort of being in close proximity to people you do not know—some of whom may be loud, rude or visibly struggling— and it is easy to see why many people dream of the privacy and autonomy of a personal vehicle.

These are valid concerns which affect tens of millions of people every day. But this is not an indictment of public transit as a concept—only of inadequate public transit. With proper funding and thoughtful urban planning, public transportation can offer timely, affordable and dignified mobility to a great number of people. But doing so requires a cultural shift, one that many Americans struggle with: the willingness to see themselves as part of a collective.

In the United States, individualism is baked into the national identity. We prize independence, privacy and personal control over our time and space. The car, therefore, becomes a symbol of freedom—the ability to go where you want, when you want, without having to adjust your behavior or schedule for anyone else. That same mindset, however, when applied to public transit, is exactly what hinders the creation of a truly effective public transit system.

We are already exposed to total strangers every day—at grocery stores, in public restrooms and on sidewalks. Many of them are unpredictable. Some make us uncomfortable. But this mingling of strangers is, in fact, a core virtue of public life. When implemented well, public transit becomes a microcosm of society: different people, heading to different locations, all finding the same service useful at the same time. That is a measure of a system that works; one whose ridership is as diverse as the community it serves.

Transit authorities are often pulled in many directions by pressure from specific groups: retirees want more accessible services, commuters want express routes, essential workers need off-peak service and so on. These groups, understandably, advocate for their own needs, and in doing so, often frame the needs of others as secondary. But when planning tries to cater to every group in isolation, the result is a fragmented, inefficient network—one that ends up serving no one particularly well. Instead, we need to think collectively. Public transit should be designed with the goal of maximizing access to opportunity for the greatest number of people. This means planning around patterns of human movement, not just demographic or political constituencies. It means investing in high-frequency routes that serve dense, mixed-use areas. It means making transit affordable, reliable and pleasant enough that it becomes a viable alternative not just for those who must use it, but for those who could drive but choose not to. I spent this past summer at Vassar, taking the bus downtown to Poughkeepsie on most days. It

was not a perfect system—frequently late— but it worked. The summer before, I was in the DMV area (short for the District of Columbia, Maryland and Virginia), where I relied on the Metro, which I consider to be one of the better public transit systems in the United States. There, I saw what a difference a well-funded, reasonably well-run transit system can make: It allowed me to live without a car—with just my bike—and still access everything I needed.

Public transit relies on an implicit social contract. Riders are expected to coexist in a shared space, behaving within reasonable bounds to make the experience decent for everyone. Of course, not everyone is able to uphold their end of the contract. In a country with a poor social safety net, people struggling with mental health or homelessness often end up using transit systems as shelters of last resort. Their presence can make other riders uncomfortable, but the real discomfort should come from knowing that these people have nowhere else to go. Ignoring them or dismissing them as

If we want better public spaces, including transit, we must invest not just in infrastructure but in people.

“problems” only deepens the alienation and inequality that makes public transit seem undesirable in the first place. If we want

better public spaces, including transit, we must invest not just in infrastructure but in people. That includes mental health services, housing and addiction support. For myself and many others, the environmental stakes are of deep concern. Transportation accounts for more than a fifth of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions. Private car ownership, while convenient, is not sustainable—especially as urban populations grow and the climate crisis intensifies. For this reason, I have no intention of buying a car, even if I could afford one. I want to be part of a system that works for everyone, not just for me.

Since the 1960s, the percentage of American workers who commute via public transit has declined from 12.1 percent to around five percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Much of this is due to the postwar investment in the Interstate Highway System, which prioritized suburban expansion and car dependency over urban density and transit connectivity. The consequences have disproportionately harmed Black, Hispanic and low-income urban residents, who are three to six times more likely to rely on public transit than white residents and high-income residents, according to a study from Demos.

So yes, public transit can suck—but it does not have to. When we stop thinking like individuals and start thinking like a collective, we can demand systems that serve the public good—not just deliver record profits to corporate profiteers. Public transit should not be a last resort for those who cannot afford a car; it should be a first choice for anyone who values a more sustainable, equitable and connected society.

Football week 1 brings back the magic

Henry France, Casey McMenamin Sports Editor, Assistant Sports Editor

Football is back! After months of waiting, entertaining themselves with offseason rumors and speculating about trades, football fans can finally put on their sweaters, fire up their grills, crack open a cold one at the tailgate and watch their favorite team start their journey in pursuit of the Lombardi Trophy.

This year, NFL fans will face a season of reckoning. More young quarterbacks are on the bubble than ever, and with a handful of star-studded teams, the Super Bowl is up for grabs. Brock Purdy, Kyler Murray and Trevor Lawrence represent the group of quarterbacks five-to-seven years into their career: a point where they are expected to take a step up or step out of the league altogether. In a year when teams across the league have revamped their offenses, there are no excuses for faulty quarterback play. But as football ramped up, avid fans opened Instagram to a reminder of what the season is all about. On Tuesday, Aug. 26, we were given a taste of the game we missed so much. In a joint Instagram post, @taylorswift and @killatrav (better known as Travis Kelce) announced their high profile engagement, undermining skepticism of their relationship’s legitimacy once and for all.

The 106th NFL season kicked off on Thursday night when the Dallas Cowboys traveled up to Philadelphia to play the reigning champion Philadelphia Eagles on opening night. The game was filled with drama from the kickoff when Eagles star defensive lineman, Jalen Carter, was ejected from the game for spitting on Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott. Despite losing one of their star players at the onset of the match, the Eagles recalibrated and answered the Cowboys’ first drive touchdown. The teams exchanged punches and finished the first half

tied at 21.

The Eagles would come out on top after Dallas star receiver Ceedee Lamb failed to haul in a number of big passes in the final quarter of the game. On Friday night, the Kansas City Chiefs played the Los Angeles Chargers in Brazil at Corinthians Arena.

Unfortunately for @killatrav, it appears that his engagement ring is the only ring he will put on his finger this year as the dynastic Chiefs dropped their season opener to Justin Herbert and co. in Friday night’s matchup in São Paolo.

As the 1:00 p.m. games kicked off on Sunday Sep. 7, an unlikely contender for game of the week captivated viewers. The New York Jets faced the Pittsburgh Steelers at MetLife stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. If you were confused when you turned on your television on Sunday, you were not alone. New York and Pittsburgh effectively swapped quarterbacks this offseason with Aaron Rodgers moving from the Jets to the Steelers, and Justin Fields making the trip to the Big Apple. Both ball-tossers dropped dimes, including a laser from Fields to overcome allegations of limited throwing ability.

The two squads surprised viewers with a 36-point shootout in the first half in one of the most exciting games of the week. But the fun did not end there. This game went down to the wire until Chris Boswell nailed a 60yard field goal to take the lead back from the Jets with about a minute to go in the game. The Steelers would go on to take down the Jets in this exciting season-opener.

At the same time, about 700 miles to the west, the Indianapolis Colts took on the Miami Dolphins in a less competitive matchup. It was an emotional afternoon as the Colts honored the late, great Loyola Academy and Southern Methodist graduate and CEO, President and Owner of the Indianapolis Colts Jim Irsay. The presence of Mr.

Irsay was apparent at Lucas Oil Stadium as the Colts won their first season opener in 11 years.

The Colts sprinted out of the gates to a 10-0 lead, capitalizing on a Tua “Turn-daball-ova” Tagovailoa interception. On the second play of the subsequent drive, Indianapolis’ Kenny Moore strip-sacked Tagovailoa, leading to another Colt’s touchdown. For the first time since Peyton Manning in 2006, Daniel Jones and the Colts scored in each of their possessions in the first half. But more significantly, Jones led a scoring drive every time he had the ball, the first instance of such a feat since 1991. The Colts showed they may be a frisky team to watch come December.

The Atlanta Falcons battled the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in another unlikely thriller. Atlanta quarterback Michael Penix Jr. lunged towards the endzone on fourth down with 2:17 minutes left in the game to take the lead over the Buccaneers. The Buccaneers returned the favor with rookie receiver Emeka Egbuka hauling in his second touchdown of the day with less than a minute to go to take a three point lead. Atlanta marched down the field in response, putting their kicker Younghoe Koo 44 yards out with just six seconds left and the opportunity to send the game to overtime. The typically-reliable kicker failed to meet the moment, sending the ball wide right of the posts. Baker Mayfield and the Bucs start their season with a win.

Despite failing to end the week in the win column, Michael Penix Jr. and Justin Fields reflected an exciting storyline in this year’s NFL. Finishing with a touchdown, 298 passing yards on 27/42 passing and 21 rushing yards, Penix Jr. showed he is ready to take the next step. In New York, Fields posted a strong stat line of 218 passing yards, a touchdown, 48 rushing yards and two rush touchdowns in his Jets debut. The pressure

on young quarterbacks is higher than ever this year, and passers are expected to take the next step or step aside for a top draft pick to take their place. But Penix and Fields showed no signs of weakness on Sunday.

Sunday’s slate ended with fireworks as the Baltimore Ravens and Buffalo Bills Sunday Night Football matchup was an instant classic. Reigning MVP Josh Allen clawed his team back from a double digit deficit late in the fourth quarter to the shock of two time MVP Lamar Jackson. With just under four minutes remaining in the game, the Bills trailed by 15 points. Set up with a big fourth-and-two in the redzone, Allen faced pressure and hurled a deflected ball into the endzone that was eventually pulled in by Keon Coleman. With about three minutes left, the Bills defense forced the football out of the hands of star Ravens running back Derrick Henry and regained position, down by eight.

Allen marched the Bills down the field before punching in a touchdown with two minutes left. Down by two points, the Bills elected to try for a two point conversion: the pass was broken up, and they punted to the Ravens, down by three with less than two minutes left on the clock. Allen pushed the Bills within field goal range with another clutch late game performance before Matt Prater knocked in the game-winning field goal as the clock expired. Bills win. If Week 1 is any indication of what is to come, NFL fans should enjoy another season of drama, intrigue and suspense. The NFL season is so much more than the sixty minutes on the gridiron each week; it is the storylines, the rivalries and the spectacle that keep fans coming back week after week, season after season. With new surprises coming every single day, this season has all the makings of something special. So NFL Fans: soak it in because football is back, and it is beautiful.

Our goal with Brewers Ballin’ is to feature Vassar athletes who starred for their team the week previous to publishing. If you would like to nominate an athlete, please email hfrance@vassar.edu.

Brewers Ballin’: Holman hits game-winner Brewers Ballin’

Name: Ava Holman

Year: First Year

Team: Women’s Soccer

Stats: The first year forward added to an already impressive season, scoring the game-winning goal in the Brewers’ 3-2 victory over nationally ranked #13 University of Scranton. Holman added her third goal of the season with the critical goal on Saturday. With her strong performance, Holman earned her first career Liberty League Offensive Player of the Week honor.

Statement: “It’s been an exciting and successful start to our season, and that’s truly a reflection of the work that every player and coach has put into this team, both on and off the field. We’ve grown as a team over the first three games and we’re excited to keep that momentum going throughout the season!”

Recently in Vassar Brewers sports

Maura McAusland ’27 garners Liberty League Honor

McAusland earned the Liberty League Performer of the Week award after leading the Women’s Volleyball Team to a 4-1 start, tallying 65 kills at a scorching .458 clip.

Women’s Golf Clinches Top-5 Finish at St. Lawrence Invite

The sharp-shooting Brewers were let by Sophia Calvillo ’27 who earned a top-10 finish at the event.

Women’s Rugby Tops Yale 29-15

Four Brewers notched tries against the Bulldogs from New Haven after emerging as the top-ranked division II squad in the nation.

The Miscellany Games

Category Match

By: Sadie Keesbury

In the word bank below, there are 16 words that belong to four categories. Each word belongs to only one category. You don’t know which words belong together, nor do you know what the categories are! Try to find similarities between them, and place them into four categories below. Answers (which words belong together, as well as the categories they belong to) will be revealed in next week’s issue. Have fun!

Example category: 1: Toyota Car Models COROLLA PRIUS TACOMA HIGHLANDER

WORD BANK:

CAPITAL TOOTH SEE CARDINAL DIRECTIONS

BEATLES FREE FOUR ONE THE PARTOOK SEASONS ME HORSEMAN PLUS TATTOO TREE FESTOON

Answers to last week’s crossword:

“The Book of Matthew”

By: Sadie Keesbury and Olivia Blank

ACROSS

1. 1 Fundamentals

5. More in need of a massage

10. English title of a 2021 A24 horror movie

14. Jacob’s first wife, in the Bible

15. Hasbro game of “unspeakable fun”

16. Light bulb, in comics

17. Ernst or Duchamp

19. Member of “The OC”’s Core Four

20. Burn a steak ordered rare, say 21. Setting of a certain trivia game show

23. “The World at Large” band, on Opposite Day?

30. One using + on a calculator

33. ___ and about

34. Undo the “I do’s”

35. Candy bar category, on Opposite Day?

38. John Denver’s plane of choice

39. Daughter of Cyrus the Great

40. Equatorial Guinea’s capital

43. Mo. when this

The Miscellany Crossword

See You on the Flip Side

By: Olivia Blank

puzzle was published

44. Star-studded Gerwig film, on Opposite Day?

48. Royal decree

51. “Mr. Blue Sky” group (abbr)

52. Spots for septum piercings

53. Oven-baked pancake variety, on Opposite Day?

56. Island chain?

57. Goddess born from her father’s forehead

61. Greenish-blue hue

64. “I need a favor...”

68. It makes waves

69. Cul-___

70. Fallon predecessor

71. “___ in the pool, a trip to the spa”

72. Late-night text query

73. Antagonists in the “South Park” episode “Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers” DOWN

1. Designer Gucci

2. ‘50s-’60s sitcom nickname

3. Motor trailer?

4. Wrinkle-face dogs

5. Thurmond whose

24-hour filibuster still didn’t stop the passage of the 1957 Civil Rights Act

6. Non-dairy milk option

7. Sac fly stat

8. Skincare brand known for their ovoid lip balms

9. Univ. military programs

10. Portugal’s largest city

11. Ending with lemon or lime

12. Vogue gala venue, with “The” 13. “___, humbug!”

18. Bedazzles

22. Reddit Q&A

24. Acronym used to describe a cash register or self-service kiosk

25. Versailles agreement

26. Snyder’s competitor

27. Fixes, as a printer

28. Big name in honey

29. Namesakes of a certain EGOT winner

30. Belittled

31. End of a Vassar URL

32. What one might say to a dog who stole their shoe

36. Joke or choke

37. CPR specialist

41. “Phooey!”

42. Contract ambiguity to exploit

45. Comparative suffix

46. Yoga gear brand

47. Last Week Tonight segment “And ___ this”

49. Wood shop device

50 Singular word in SpongeBob’s essay

54. Dizzy with delight

55. Org. co-founded by W.E.B. Du Bois

58. Pb but not J

59. Boy, in Barcelona

60. Rhyming synonym of hullabaloos

61. Paper style you might use in New England

62. Proof-ending letters

63. State sch. in the smallest state

65. War on Poverty agcy.

66. Spartans of the Big Ten

67. ___ de parfum