Instant digital products (PDF, ePub, MOBI) ready for you Download now and discover formats that fit your needs...
Start reading on any device today!
(Ebook) Emotional Intelligence: The Top Secret to Using Emotional Intelligence to Get the Most Out of Your Life by Naomi McCullough ISBN 9781974488735, 197448873X
(Ebook) The Wisdom in Feeling: Psychological Processes in Emotional Intelligence by Lisa Feldman Barrett, Peter Salovey, John D. Mayer ISBN 9781572307858, 1572307854
(Ebook) Emotional Resiliency in the Era of Climate Change: A Clinician's Guide by Leslie Davenport ISBN 9781849057424, 9781784501754, 9781785920240, 1849057427, 1784501751, 1785920243
SAGE was founded in 1965 by Sara Miller McCune to support the dissemination of usable knowledge by publishing innovative and high-quality research and teaching content. Today, we publish over 900 journals, including those of more than 400 learned societies, more than 800 new books per year, and a growing range of library products including archives, data, case studies, reports, and video. SAGE remains majority-owned by our founder, and after Sara’s lifetime will become owned by a charitable trust that secures our continued independence. Los Angeles | London | New Delhi | Singapore | Washington DC | Melbourne
Advance Praise
The world today is exponentially being transformed by digital technologies, and the crisis has accelerated this transformation. Puru’s book helps us to understand how we can reach escape velocity by focusing on being human and tapping into our emotional intelligence (EI). He guides us through practical, easy-to-remember exercises to intentionally focus on our emotional quotient. The five components of EI—self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, social skills and empathy—are critical for leaders to take care of people during the crisis and accelerate business recovery and growth.
Mamatha
Chamarthi, Chief Digital Officer and Chief Information Officer, Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA)
Emotional Intelligence—Puru’s book is the need of the hour!
Puru has very well defined self-awareness and self-regulation in his book. The narration of emotions and feelings is articulated so beautifully that right from a schoolboy to a scholar can read and can understand. The language is so simple yet so powerful, which is the essence of EI. The example he highlighted about Sandeep reminds me of the cortisol effect, when aggression jeopardizes the development of today’s younger generation and, especially, of corporate executives.
The chapter on self-motivation is my favourite in the book as Puru has beautifully articulated the evidences of self-motivation,
which can be practised by all and not necessarily only corporate professionals. Puru has given us the perspective in excelling emotional intelligence with wider possibilities, it’s now our choice!
Senator P. K. C. Bose, Vice Chairman and Managing Director, ENERCON Windenergy Pvt. Ltd
(A
Subsidiary of ENERCON Group, Germany)
Importance of an emotionally intelligent leader is experienced both in peaceful and turbulent times. In pandemic (e.g., COVID-19) situations, the EI capabilities help in navigating the uncertainty and potential loss surrounding the pandemic. Leaders with EI have awareness, perception, composure and exceptional self-control, which enable them to develop and propel the firm and society’s path of success through empathy, influence and collaboration. The best part of EI is that it is a learnable skill. Rajagopalan Purushothaman’s book on EI has been well crafted to develop the EI skill sets in an individual. A firm can use the frameworks and processes provided in the book to cultivate leadership skills in its workforce. The book is amazingly simple to read with a high impact. A must-buy for both industry and academicians.
Dr Prashant Salwan, Professor of Strategy and Chairman, Executive Education, IIM Indore
emotional intelligence
The SAGE Essentials series aims to arm professionals with bitesized learning on technical and relevant topics, helping them to stay ahead in the knowledge-powered economy. It offers a range of pithy books on topics of current interest for business and management professionals. Books in the series, authored by subject matter experts, provide a historically entrenched preamble to the subject, following it up with invaluable insights, practical ideas and future trends. In a volatile and rapidly changing business and technological environment, these short and succinct books aim to help professionals from diverse backgrounds and industries upskill by broadening their knowledge and enhancing their learning capacities.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
First published in 2021 by
SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd
B1/I-1 Mohan Cooperative Industrial Area Mathura Road, New Delhi 110 044, India www.sagepub.in
SAGE Publications Inc 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320, USA
SAGE Publications Ltd
1 Oliver’s Yard, 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP, United Kingdom
SAGE Publications Asia-Pacific Pte Ltd
18 Cross Street #10-10/11/12 China Square Central Singapore 048423
Published by Vivek Mehra for SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd. Typeset in 9/13.5 pt Georgia by AG Infographics, Delhi.
To all the people who wish to be more emotionally intelligent. Dedicated to my late father K. Rajagopalan and mother Saroja Rajagopalan and my granddaughter Kiara.
Thank you for choosing a SAGE product! If you have any comment, observation or feedback, I would like to personally hear from you.
Please write to me at contactceo@sagepub.in
Vivek Mehra, Managing Director and CEO, SAGE India.
Bulk Sales
SAGE India offers special discounts for purchase of books in bulk. We also make available special imprints and excerpts from our books on demand.
For orders and enquiries, write to us at
Marketing Department
SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd
B1/I-1, Mohan Cooperative Industrial Area Mathura Road, Post Bag 7 New Delhi 110044, India
E-mail us at marketing@sagepub.in
Subscribe to our mailing list Write to marketing@sagepub.in
This book is also available as an e-book.
Sanskrit Sloka: Yam hi na vyathayanthyethe purusham purusharshabha Samadhukha sukham dheeram somruthathvaya kalpathe. It personifies emotional intelligence and states that ‘a person who is calm and remains unperturbed by either pain or pleasure is the one who attains immortality.’
The great philosopher Aristotle summed up emotional intelligence by stating, ‘But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way—that is not easy.’
Foreword by P. Raghavendran
Foreword
The world is becoming increasingly VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous). Emotional intelligence (EI) constitutes a set of skills that are critical for steering our path through the complex by-lanes of modern living. Surprises await us at every corner. We need to understand our emotional responses to external stimuli (self-awareness), know how to control our responses (self-regulation) and keep motivating ourselves to stick to the path of our chosen goals (self-motivation). Since man is a social animal, empathy (understanding others) and social skills are equally important for success in the modern world. All of these five components are elaborately covered in the book.
The five components come alive for the reader of the book through a large number of cases and examples from daily lives with which any reader will readily identify. I have maintained that a good guru is one who can not only simplify a complex concept for the shishya but also enable him to embed learning in such a way that it becomes useful to the shishya throughout his life. Puru is an extraordinary guru who has used examples from his own life and extensive corporate experience to illustrate his book. He has used all his vast experience as a learning professional to design a variety of exercises to ingrain learning and to develop habits that will enable the reader to apply the same in his/her own life whenever appropriate.
I would like to share my own experience with the reader. Puru sent me the manuscript of this book and requested me to write a foreword. Given the size of the book, I budgeted for a week or around 20 hours to do justice to the task. However, as I started reading, I found that I was forced to pause after each case/example and relate it to my own past experience. I must add that my own
mental models were substantially enhanced and, in many cases, modified as I reflected on these cases. I realized that I was taking more time than I had bargained for. I was, however, getting far higher value than a cursory reading and understanding of the content would ever have given me.
Since it may help other readers, I recommend the following habits that I have tried to adopt for continued learning after reading Puru’s book Emotional Intelligence.
1. I spend a few minutes before sleep every day introspecting the key incidents of the day in many of which I, too, played a part. I think of the emotions and thoughts of the key players and reflect on how I could have been more effective.
2. When I watch a movie, read a book or even newspaper stories, I have started to think about the thoughts, emotions and experiences of the key players.
The aforementioned exercises help me build my own storehouse of life experiences, which hopefully will help me to steer my path wisely when confronting similar situations in the future.
Thank you, Puru, for a very useful and timely book on an important subject. I hope that other readers of your book will find it equally useful.
P. Raghavendran, President, Reliance Industries Limited
xii | Emotional Intelligence
Acknowledgements
The support and encouragement received from the following persons made it possible for me to complete this book.
My mother Saroja Rajagopalan, for being an exemplary living example of a person leading an emotionally intelligent life.
My father, Late K. Rajagopalan, for being the inspiration to pen down a book and equipping me with communication skills.
My wife Priya and my daughters Pavitra, Prarthana and son-inlaw David Liaño González for their constant encouragement and feedback.
Sudha Venkatesh for offering to edit the book.
Arnab Guha for painstakingly editing and offering good suggestions. And numerous other friends who encouraged me to write a book.
Introduction
The 20th century witnessed an unprecedented industrial revolution that changed the way the human race thought, lived, behaved and acted. The social fabric underwent a dramatic change as we migrated from the agrarian economy to the industrial economy. That compelled the mass migration of workforce from the rural hinterland, leading to the creation of megacities that we witness (live in/see) today. This seismic shift changed the entire social structure, leading to the breakdown of the joint family system prevalent in the agricultural era into nuclear families. It moved from community-centric to family-specific behaviours and practices. The industrial workforce had to spend several hours together within the walls of the factories. The competencies related to working together as a team, managing conflicts and building interpersonal skills gained importance. The organized industrial workforce was needed to be managed effectively to achieve high levels of productivity. The information era that caught up three decades ago brought in the need to develop skills in people to effectively deliver services. This era focused on managing the expectations, the appetite for growth and other aspirations of the workforce.
We are at the threshold of the next biggest change in the form of industry 4.0—the digital era. Technology is the key to enable this revolution wherein the routine and repetitive will be replaced by technological solutions. The human race has repeatedly proven its ability to adapt to changes in the environment and societal structure. The next industrial revolution would change the way we work, live and interact with people and, hence, would bring along a new set of challenges. The most significant challenge would be
our ability to deal with others. Technology would ironically create more space between people in this overcrowded world.
The social system that enabled us to master the skills in the earlier industrial revolution is likely to change drastically. Dependence on the family system to build up some of the skills would be weakened. The family system is at a risk, due to either lack of time or people’s need for independence. How would the next few generations acquire the necessary survival skills?
In this context, EI has gained significant importance. The ability to manage emotions in a complex, fast-changing and uncertain world is likely to be a significant challenge for the next generation. No effort is too small in building EI competencies in people to navigate through the next industrial revolution. The goal of creating emotionally intelligent future generations can be achieved by leveraging all types of learning platforms apart from the formal education system. The relevance of the content of our current education system would be severely challenged and likely to undergo a sea change. Countries that fail to adapt and change their education system would be left behind in this critical industrial war. The course content, methodology and delivery mechanism for building skills would be under the scanner and is likely to experience a welcome change. The learning ecosystem in organizations and independent learning platforms will fill the void created by the formal education system.
| Emotional Intelligence
1
ExPlAInIng EmotIonAl IntEllIgEnCE
The world around us is undergoing changes at a fast pace. The social fabric and value system are constantly adapting to emerging dynamics. The rate of change witnessed in the current century is unprecedented in the history of mankind, and the advent of technology is changing our lifestyle significantly. This has brought distinct benefits such as better quality of life, enhanced comfort, productivity, convenience and efficiency. From an era of scarcity, we are moving towards abundance. Access to information and education has been revolutionized. There is no doubt that we need to celebrate the path-breaking achievements of human intelligence.
In the bargain, we have also invited several challenges. These changes are irrefutably impacting our physical and mental health, relationships, stress levels and societal structure and values. The turmoil of this change has impacted people across countries, communities, families and at the individual level. In fact, this change stems from individual effectiveness. Some of the consequences of these changes are as follows:
• High level of competition
• Depression and anxiety
• Lack of self-esteem
• Work-life balance
• Break in relationships
• Restlessness
• Need for instant gratification
• Individualism
The aforementioned consequences are manifested in our lives as various incidents such as:
• Stress-related diseases such as heart ailments, anxiety and depression
• Lifestyle issues such as diabetes, insomnia and indigestion
• Early physical maturity
• Single parenthood
• Late marriages and early divorces
• Mindless entertainment and shopping
• Addictions to substances and unhealthy food
• Lack of meaning in life and spiritual vacuum
• Compulsion to look good physically
Technology and human emoTions
Human emotions are precious, but they can be self-destructive if not managed well. Unregulated emotions in the absence of emotional intelligence (EI) can lead to ineffectiveness. The field of EI has gained a lot of significance lately, fuelled by the onslaught of technology and also by the way people interact with each other.
In this ever-changing modern world, a significant part of human interactions is likely to be with machines, thanks to the phenomenal technological innovation in areas such as artificial intelligence, machine learning, robotics, 3D printing and nanotechnology. Humans are likely to lose touch with how to effectively interact with each other. We have already begun to see symptoms of personal disconnection in our families and in our workplaces.
2 | Emotional Intelligence
Today, we all prefer to spend more time with gadgets and machines rather than with people around us. Linda Stone, a technology writer and consultant, coined the phrase ‘constant partial stupidity’ (CPA), which is a worrying syndrome that has caught up with millennials. Our attention span is limited to a particular task and our focus keeps shifting. This can result in a stressful lifestyle, as the mind is continuously wandering across various stimulus from the environment, leading to attention span deficit.
According to a research paper published in the Harvard Business Review by Dr Matthew Killingsworth, author of the article ‘A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind’, constant mind-wandering is the highest contributing factor towards unhappiness. The opposite of CPA is focus that can be developed with the help of EI. Major contributing factors for CPA include social media, remote control devices, a vast array of digital games across age groups and an abundance of media content streaming online from all over the world.
The irony is that digital space is leading us on the path of great progress and, sadly, also towards personal isolation in this crowded world. The time invested by our earlier generations in meaningful interactions with people, building intimacy and strong relationships, is being hijacked today by predatory social media. Our bond is more tilted towards devices rather than towards people.
Recognition gained in social media is impersonal and is often mistaken for true love, affection and intimacy. Several thousands of hours in a year are consumed in this manner, leaving us hardly any time to connect with people in flesh and blood. Conventional wisdom, which claims that man is a social animal, is likely to be severely tested in the near future. The digital world encourages us to spend time alone. It rather isolates us from reality, and we tend to live in a make-believe world.
Recent experience during the COVID-19 pandemic, which shook the world and changed our lifestyles drastically, offered us significant
messages. Families living under one roof were locked up in their chambers of the virtual world. It was reported that the divorce rate in China shot up significantly, as couples were spending more time with each other during the quarantine period. Sadly, due to the habit of escaping to the virtual world, couples today are struggling to adapt to each other. Thanks to technology, we are connected globally like never before, yet, ironically, there is a glaring disconnect with people close to us.
It’s yet a bridge too far for machines to lend a personal touch and offer socially intelligent emotions such as love, care, comfort and empathy. The human mind has evolved wonderfully. It is capable of questioning, of delving deep within to find the meaning and purpose of life. It is capable of deciphering the vast universe in its quest for the ultimate truth. It would be criminal to let such a wonderful entity wander and move towards a self-destructive mode. Machines may well take their own time to read human emotions and act with EI.
FuTure compeTencies in indusTry 4.0—The digiTal era
In the future digital era, the significance of EI will gain further importance as technology such as artificial intelligence and automation are poised to partly or fully replace human intervention. Humans will be valued for their unique characteristics and skills in the digital world. The World Economic Forum indicates, ‘Skills on-demand beyond 2020 would be complex problem-solving, critical thinking, creativity, people management, coordinating with others, emotional intelligence, judgement and decision-making, service orientation, negotiation and cognitive flexibility.’ It specifies EI as one of the many vital competencies. According to Edward D. Hess, author of the book Learn or Die, it is highly unlikely that we would be able to automate social and EI in the near future. The differentiator in the war for talent would be persuasion and EI, as compared to technical skills.
It is interesting to note that many of the other skills highlighted earlier stem from EI. There is no doubt that EI is going to be one of the differentiating competencies in Industry 4.0. The digital era welcomes us, provided that we are equipped with the required skills. Failing to adapt to futuristic competencies will ensure that we are left behind. Our education system, therefore, has to keep pace with these emerging dynamics.
If the current focus on cognitive skills is sustained, we might have a future workforce with the necessary knowledge, but without the ability to apply the same in real-life situations. They would be unable to work with people and get things done. If academic institutions fail to equip students with these skills, learning platforms would attempt to bridge this gap.
We witness examples of globally recognized and successful entrepreneurs with a high IQ and are short-tempered. Just imagine the scenario wherein the entire senior management team of the organization has similar traits. It would pose a major challenge, as retaining talent would be a Himalayan task. At times, such damaging traits displayed by the entrepreneurs are compensated by the people around them who do the balancing act.
An interesting research was conducted by Dr Cary Cherniss, Rutgers University, on the impact of EI on business outcomes in 19 different businesses and role holders. The study was done on recruiters for the US Army, partners in consulting firms, top-level executives in organizations, sales clerks, mechanics, sales agents, insurance agents, supervisors of manufacturing plants, retail chain store managers, financial advisors and debt collectors. Empirical data established the positive impact of EI on top-line, bottom-line, business results, revenue, conversion rate and other business parameters. Often, these softer aspects are difficult to measure and hence ignored at the peril of the business outcome. Recruitment based on EI would help to choose the right candidate and investing in EI training will provide hard business results.
A significant part of training for medical doctors includes ‘bedside manners’ that emphasize interactions with patients. It includes restoring confidence, providing comfort, managing tone, body language and suppressing negative facial expressions to reduce fear and anxiety in patients. Medical professionals need a significant level of EI training to deal with pain, anxiety and fear in patients. EI plays a significant role in the journey towards becoming a successful medical practitioner.
The city of Kota, the ultimate destination for IIT aspirants, witnessed 72 suicides between 2011 and 2015. The cause was stress and anxiety experienced by these students during their preparation for the coveted examination. The major reason for this was their inability to manage their emotions under stressful situations. In fact, some of the IITs run the ‘Centre of Excellence for the Science of Happiness’. The irony is that students with the highest IQ are not capable of understanding and managing their emotions.
in pursuiT oF happiness
The Government of Bhutan developed the ‘gross national happiness’ (GNH) index as the country’s measure of success in place of the conventional GDP. Psychological well-being, good health, a meaningful use of time are some of the parameters of GNH measurement. It was developed in the late 1970s and has been growing in popularity of late.
The first World Happiness Report compiled at Columbia University resonated this idea of being an ideal measurement of the health of a country rather than being confined to a measurement of economic activity.
What is the purpose of financial well-being and prosperity in the absence of happiness?
Emotional well-being holds the top spot in the measure of GNH. Happiness at an individual level is indispensable for achieving
national-level happiness index. In other words, managing emotions plays a significant role in promoting happiness in humans.
I had the privilege and opportunity to climb Mount Kilimanjaro under the able guidance of my son-in-law David Liaño González, in the joyful company of my daughter Prarthana. David is an international athlete with diverse interests in climbing, paragliding, running, travelling and adventure. It is no surprise that he found a rightful place in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the first mountaineer to double summit the Mount Everest from both Nepal and Tibet.
Walking the steps across the Kilimanjaro mountain range with David and Prarthana offered me some of the best lessons of my life in managing emotions. Being constantly aware of my body and mind was the first significant learning. The ability to understand and listen to one’s self (self-awareness) and the ability to get rid of disruptive feelings when faced with odds (self-regulation) are valuable life traits that I was fortunate to experience. I also gained the thought to not give up when faced with challenging situations, unless it is a medical exigency (self-motivation). What I learnt in this eye-opening summit would stay with me all my life. I did face a severe challenge, just 200 m before the summit. The lack of oxygen and the strong crosswinds took a toll on me, and I had to pause my ascent. My learning however continues.
emoTional memory
Take a few seconds and think of the most memorable moment in your life. It is very likely that we would quickly recall an emotional moment that we experienced. Emotionally charged moments could be the birth of a child, a well-deserved recognition, meeting your life partner, a notable achievement by your child, the first earnings of your life, a promotion that you gained, etc. Emotional responses are strong and are etched in our memories for a long time. These strong drivers play a major role in every day of our lives. Every action that we
take is driven by a physiological or emotional need. Once we recollect memorable moments, we might struggle to remember events and activities from the day before or the day after a memorable event. But the emotional memory related to the occasion is still freshly alive. Emotions influence our behaviour and, hence, we must learn to manage them effectively for our overall well-being.
compeTencies inFluenced by ei
EI is about dealing with emotions in self and others, effectively leading to better interpersonal skills, conflict management, teamwork, relationship building and understanding. EI influences a whole lot of human competencies, which in turn influences the effectiveness of both our personal and professional lives. It is indeed a powerful gateway to wholesome effectiveness in all realms of life. The importance of EI is further amplified by the fact that it has a far-reaching influence on the way we lead our lives. It is our perennial insurance towards lifelong effectiveness.
challenges in Formal educaTion sysTem
I had the opportunity to closely observe the case of a CEO of a large organization. He was brilliant in his job and was a domain expert, with a deep understanding of the business. He was a smart strategist and often came up with effective business-related ideas and solutions. He was good with numbers and had an astute memory. After a tenure of two years, he was recalled from the position of a CEO. All the senior team members reporting to him, without an exception, were unhappy with him. The common complaint was that he had scant respect for other’s opinion. He was aggressive and often insulted his team members. His team members took up the issue with the higher management. He was counselled on a couple of occasions, but it had little or no impact on his style of working. He firmly believed that there was nothing wrong in the way he was
functioning. He ultimately paid the price when he was shunted out of the assignment. Managing people effectively is possible only with EI, as IQ by itself provides little help.
The formal education system is attempting to mass-produce skill sets for blue- and white-collar jobs. The focus is more on succeeding in formal entrance examinations, not on developing life skills. A major change in the system, challenging the status quo, is not far away. The differentiating factor between success and failure in the current education system is based predominantly on logical and mathematical intelligence, a test of memory and vocabulary.
The vacuum in the system is especially evident in certain basic human competencies, such as managing conflicts, leadership skills, relationship-building capabilities, collaboration, working in teams, interpersonal skills, understanding people and adaptability. The current system fails to address any of these important human competencies that truly determine success and failure in all walks of life.
Overemphasis on developing IQ has produced the desired results, as is evident from the high scores obtained by students in their academic tenure. However, EI is dropping over the years, the evidence of which can be seen in the rise in aggressive and unruly behaviour, impatience, attention deficit, inability to take failures and the need for instant fulfilment of wants. What is not cultivated cannot be harvested. The seeds of EI has to be sown at an early age so that one can reap its benefits at later stages of life. The time is not far away when EI would be an integral part of our education system.
Conventional intelligence being IQ, when backed with a good supply of EI, can be termed as as ‘emotigence’. Possessing a few lopsided intelligences would no longer be a potent weapon for achieving success in the future unless it is clubbed with a good amount of ability to manage our emotions. ‘Excelligence’ is another expression we can use to explain the idea that when multiple intelligence are merged with EI, it fuels the intelligence to excel in multiple walks of life.
ei learnabiliTy
Building and driving EI is very much possible with concerted effort. It is important to understand with clarity the significance of why, what and how to develop EI. By understanding why and what of EI, we gain the conviction and resolve to develop it. Unlike IQ, which tends to show marginal improvement after the age of 18–20 years, the development of EI is not constrained by age. In fact, IQ is likely to drop as we grow older, due to lifestyle and stress. EI does gradually get better with age-related life experiences. Through EI training, we can fasten the process and reap the benefits for a larger part of our lives.
ei and parenTing
Kaniyan Pungundranar, an ancient Tamil philosopher from the Sangam age 3,000 years ago, described in his writings as follows:
Where there is righteousness in the heart, there is beauty in the character, when there is beauty in the character, there is harmony in the home, when there is harmony in the home, there is an order in the nation, when there is order in the nation, there is peace in the world.
This was ably narrated by Late Dr Abdul Kalam, the former president of India, in his speech at the European parliament. This astounding thought summarizes the importance of achieving harmony and happiness in our homes through right parenting.
The initial seed of EI starts with parenting. It is one of the most challenging and important tasks in our lives. The irony is that most parents today are not equipped to do justice in nurturing the child as they themselves are not formally trained in this subject. The experience of bringing up a child is a matter of self-learning through trial and error. There is no doubt that a happy family environment creates the ideal condition for the child to develop a strong foundation
