Issue 24 Finding the Best Tools

THE DOCTORS’ DR. JIM SEARS PROVIDES HIS HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

THE SEASON FOR SOCIALIZATION SUPPORT

WAYS YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE REGULATES OR DYSREGULATES YOUR CHILD

CAN SSI BE SAVED IN A SPECIAL NEEDS TRUST?

USING TRANSITIONAL OBJECTS TO CALM AND ENGAGE

FINDING THE BEST TOOLS

1. Who is going to take care of your child after you are gone and where will they live?

2. How much will that care cost and how are you going to pay for that care?

3. Do you have a special needs trust and do you know how much money you will need in it? How are you going to fund it? How are the funding instruments taxed when you die?

4. What government benefits are available to your child and how do you apply for them?

5. What is the Medicaid waiver and how do you apply for it?

6. How will you communicate your plan to family members?

ARTICLES

8 EXCEPTIONAL ADVICE FROM MESHELL REDEFINING RESILIENCE: EMBRACING DISABILITY AS IDENTITY AND POWER

Meshell Baylor, MHS

An exploration of Disability Pride, a movement that challenges outdated perceptions, reclaims language, and celebrates the innate value of every individual—regardless of ability.

12 GROW WITH THEM: USING OPEN DISCUSSIONS TO ENCOURAGE ACCEPTANCE AND INCLUSION

Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L

An occupational therapist explains the value of open discussions to support growth and understanding about differences.

OUR COVER STORIES

FOSTERING GROWTH WHEN THERE ARE SPECIAL NEEDS

Melissa Dean, PhD

Each child is unique and requires different tools to grow, so let’s consider encouraging them through the lenses of mindset, focus, resourcefulness, and insight.

20 A PEDIATRICIAN’S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR CHILDREN WITH UNIQUE ABILITIES

Dr. Jim Sears

Dr. Jim Sears, Pediatrician on the popular daytime show, The Doctors, rounds up a selection of holiday gifts to consider.

YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE REGULATES OR DYSREGULATES YOUR NEURODIVERGENT CHILD

Raun K. Kaufman

A look at how the caregiver’s emotional state sets the stage in the home, serving to regulate a child’s nervous system or shift it into hyperdrive.

Karen Kaplan, MS

A look at how allowing our loved ones transitional objects in new environments can help those with autism or sensory sensitivities feel safe and secure.

A SEASON OF SOCIALIZATION SUPPORT: KEEPING THE HOLIDAYS COZY, NOT CHAOTIC

Heather Tournas, LCSW

Learn tips for regulating your child’s nervous system during the busy holiday season, so they know they are safe and not alone.

FOCUS

SUPPLEMENTAL SECURITY INCOME BE SAVED IN A SPECIAL NEEDS TRUST?

Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS

A look at the uses, benefits, and potential pitfalls of utilizing a Special Needs Trust for saving supplemental security income.

26 A LETTER TO SPECIAL NEEDS CAREGIVERS: LIFE IS ON-THEJOB TRAINING

Karen Kaplan, MS

A special educator encourages parents to utilize real-life activities to encourage problem-solving and bring educational learning into context for daily living.

31 EXCEPTIONAL BOOKS THE ECCENTRIC GENIUS HABITAT INTERVENTION: INTERIOR DESIGN FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE

Stephanie Lee Jackson Learn about sensory sensitivity and neurodiversity, gaining an appreciation of how your brain works and how your experience of a space may differ from that of other people.

32 CREATING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS FOR EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN IN THE ADOPTION AND FOSTER SYSTEM

Meshell Baylor, MHS

To mark November’s National Adoption Awareness Month, this article raises awareness for exceptional children and families living in the foster care system.

34 “FLIPPING THE SCRIPT” FOR A GREAT HOLIDAY SEASON WHEN THERE ARE SPECIAL NEEDS

Deanna Picon, BA

A mother shares her advice for reclaiming the holidays as an exceptional family, encouraging caregivers not to compare their festive season to the experiences of other families.

38 THE FRIENDSHIP & DATING DUO HOW TO DITCH SMALL TALK AND HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS

Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh

Our resident social skills experts offer guidance for creating connections in conversation so that an initial meeting has the potential to develop into a friendship.

43 REFLECTIONS NON-VERBAL

Bailey Carmack

A mother shares a poem that reflects on parenting her son, who is non-verbal, intellectually disabled, and has severe ADHD.

44 JENNIFER'S JAM JUST BECAUSE I COULD DO IT YESTERDAY DOES NOT MEAN I CAN DO IT TODAY

Jennifer McAvoy, MEd

An adult who is on the spectrum explains how her abilities and need for accommodations can fluctuate, sometimes wildly, from day to day and moment to moment.

46 SAFETY GOALS WITH NICOLE FINDING THE TOOLS TO HELP A CHILD COPE AFTER BEING ABUSED

Nicole Moehring

A parent whose children experienced abuse shares guidance and support resources for others who might find themselves in a similar traumatic situation.

48 ALL THINGS OT TIPS FOR STAYING HAPPY, REGULATED, AND ENGAGED DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Laura Ryan, OTD, OTR/L

Our resident occupational therapist offers tips for accommodating the holidays in a way that is comfortable for those who value routine.

54 NAVIGATING MY AUTISTIC SON’S TRANSITION TO A GROUP HOME

GinaSchaal

Amomtoayoungmanwithautismshares insightintoherdifficultdecisiontoutilize agrouphomeforherson,andhowithas helpedthewholefamilytothrive

62 NATURE NOTES FOUR SEASONS IN NATURE

Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA

This month’s Nature Notes column offers a roundup of four nature-focused activities to celebrate the joys of each season.

66 KATE MAKES IT GREAT CONNECTION, UNDERSTANDING, AND CELEBRATION WHEN THERE ARE SPECIAL NEEDS

Kate C. Wilde

Columnist Kate C. Wilde opens a path for healing by looking at your parenting questions through the lenses of Connection, Understanding, and Celebration.

68 EXPLORING PERSONAL POWER WHAT DOES PERSONAL POWER MEAN FOR CHILDREN WITH DIFFERENT ABILITIES?

Yasmine White, MT-BC, VMT

A look at how we can encourage selfconfidence and provide exceptional children with a safe space to explore their innate power and place in the world.

73 REFLECTIONS FOR THE ONES WHERE IT DOESN’T COME EASY

Gary Shulman, MS Ed

A special educator pens a poem looking through the eyes of an individual with exceptional needs who masks their challenges to the world.

Exceptional Needs

Our mission is to educate, support, and energize families, caregivers, educators, and professionals while preparing all families for a healthy future.

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DoFrom the Editor’s Desk

you ever feel overwhelmed by a special needs diagnosis to the point where it's hard to consider new tools to move forward? Each of us is unique, so finding the best tools to support a lifetime of learning is essential for creating a lasting impact. Sometimes we just need to step back, reassess, and adopt practical methods tailored to these needs.

In this issue, we explore methods for identifying our own strengths and those of our children, highlighting what makes each of us unique, and the best tools for each individual to grow.

We are delighted to introduce Melissa Dean, PhD, a homeschool mom whose three youngest children have exceptional needs. In this issue, she shares her passion for helping people nurture their gifts, especially those often overlooked. In her piece, "Fostering Growth When There Are Special Needs," Melissa describes how each of her children is unique and requires different tools to grow. It’s an honor to feature Melissa’s daughter, Lydia, on our cover.

As we work to meet our needs and those of our children as caregivers, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Deanna Picon, BA, the mother of a young man on the autism spectrum, has creatively used a fictional story to illustrate tips for caregivers to manage the unique challenges of parenting a child with special needs during the holidays. She covers how to avoid isolation and depression, emphasizes the importance of self-care and maintaining a positive mindset, and suggests strategies for a happy and healthy 2026. Be sure to read “‘Flipping the Script’ For A Great Holiday Season When There Are Special Needs” as she shares her advice for reclaiming the holidays as a special family occasion, encouraging caregivers not to compare their festive season to that of other families.

Are you looking for holiday gift ideas that match the unique abilities, sensitivities, and needs of a child? Dr. Jim Sears, a pediatrician on the popular daytime show, "The Doctors," says that, besides considering sensory, functional, and safety needs, we should also think about how a gift can continue to support the child after the holiday season. Be sure to read “A Pediatrician’s Holiday Gift Guide for Children with Unique Abilities” for some holiday gift ideas.

Uncovering the right tools to protect your child’s financial future is equally valuable. Special Needs Financial Planner Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS’s piece “Can Supplemental Security Income Be Saved in a Special Needs Trust?” examines the uses, benefits, and potential pitfalls of using a Special Needs Trust to save supplemental security income.

Some additional articles this month include: “How Your Emotional State Regulates or Dysregulates Your Neurodivergent Child,” “Redefining Resilience: Embracing Disability as Identity and Power,” “Creating Healthy Relationships for Exceptional Children in the Adoption and Foster System,” “How to Ditch Small Talk and Have Better Conversations,” “Finding the Tools to Help a Child Cope After Being Abused,” “Tips For Staying Happy, Regulated, and Engaged During the Holidays,” plus many more!

As always, we thank our readers, contributors, and supporters for the essential role they play in our magazine. Let's keep working together to raise awareness, foster acceptance, and promote inclusion.

Best,

Amy KD Tobik Editor-in-Chief, Exceptional Needs Today Publisher, Lone Heron Publishing

ADVICE FROM MESHELL Redefining Resilience: Embracing Disability as Identity and Power

By Meshell Baylor, MHS

"We must be treated as equals – and communication is the way we can bring this about.”

– Louis Braille

Ina society shaped by norms and assumptions, the idea of embracing disability as part of one’s identity is a transformative act. Disability Pride challenges outdated perceptions, reclaims language, and celebrates the innate value of every individual—regardless of ability. It invites families, communities, and institutions to stop seeing disability as a limitation, but instead recognize it as a source of strength, diversity, and power.

More than diagnosis

Disability is defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as a condition of the body or mind that may affect how a person engages in activities or interacts with the world. But that definition doesn’t capture the nuance, depth, or humanity behind it. According to recent data, 1 in 4 adults in the United States (around 28.7%) lives with some form of disability. That statistic represents millions of diverse experiences, talents, cultures, and voices—all of which are worthy of visibility and respect. We must reject a medicalized lens that frames disability as something to be “fixed” or hidden. Instead, we must support the movement toward identity, pride, and agency.

Organizations leading the way

Across the country, organizations have stepped up to empower families and individuals living with disabilities.

• Autism Speaks hosts an annual Walk for Autism, raising awareness and funds for mental health support. With over 70% of autistic individuals facing mental health

challenges, this walk affirms community, promotes inclusivity, and helps build an autism-friendly world.

• UCPLA (United Cerebral Palsy of Los Angeles) offers services and resources that empower individuals to live more independently and thrive.

• Merlin's Magic Wand creates magical experiences for children with disabilities, affirming joy and imagination as vital parts of healing and connection.

• TACA (The Autism Community in Action) offers handson support for families navigating diagnosis, education, and community life.

• Learning Rights Law Center stands with families navigating the complex special education system, offering legal support and advocacy.

These groups represent a robust ecosystem that helps reshape society’s relationship with disability, from pity to pride.

The Four Pillars of Disability Empowerment

For families learning to embrace disability pride, the following four pillars offer a meaningful foundation:

1. Education

Provide individuals with knowledge about their disability, its history, common challenges, and inspirational role models. The more someone understands their condition, the more they see it as part of who they are, rather than something holding them back.

2. Support

Joining support groups and connecting with other families fosters emotional safety and a sense of community. It helps parents navigate the education system, explore services, and grow alongside others who truly understand the journey.

3. Resources

Attend fairs, participate in trainings, and connect with grassroots movements. From therapy options to legal rights to extracurricular programming, there are resources to help every step of the way. Seek organizations that help advocate at every level—from local classrooms to government legislation.

4. Awareness events

October is Disability Awareness Month, a time to publicly celebrate, educate, and advocate. Families can attend events, volunteer, or share stories to foster broader community understanding. Visibility leads to acceptance, and acceptance creates pride.

The more someone understands their condition, the more they see it as part of who they are, rather than something holding them back.

A new cultural moment

The movement toward Disability Pride is gaining momentum. Take Easter seals' powerful campaign: “A Disability Is Not a Dirty Word.” In it, people of all abilities boldly declare their identities and dismantle harmful stereotypes. The message? Disability is not something to be ashamed of—it’s something to be understood, embraced, and respected.

These campaigns challenge society to do better. They ask us to reframe disability not as an obstacle, but as a force for cultural growth.

A personal journey of advocacy

As a mother of three children with special needs, I made it my mission to help my children see their worth beyond diagnosis. I took them to resource fairs, enrolled them in grassroots organizations, and showed them how to advocate for themselves. We celebrated their individuality and taught them that their voices mattered. They flourished, not because the system made it easy, but because they learned how to navigate it with pride. They faced their challenges with dignity, helped build community change, and now stand tall as leaders. That’s the true meaning of Disability Pride. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being authentic, bold, and unapologetically yourself.

Rewriting the narrative together

Disability is not a tragedy. It’s not a problem to be solved. It’s a part of who someone is, and embracing that truth opens the door to joy, freedom, and empowerment.

As a society, we have the power to foster change through inclusive policies, thoughtful representation, compassionate education, and the celebration of disability identity. We can rewrite the story for future generations to be one of pride, visibility, and love.

In the words of disability rights activist Judy Heumann: "Disability only becomes a tragedy when society fails to provide the things we need to lead our lives."

Let us rise together. Let us redefine resilience. Let us embrace disability, not as a limitation, but as a strength.

References:

CDC: Disability Impacts All of Us Infographic | Disability and Health | CDC

Merlin’s Magic Wand: Home | Merlin's Magic Wand Children Charity Autism Society Los Angeles: Autism Society of Los Angeles TACA The Autism Community Action: Home - The Autism Community in Action

Learning Rights Law Center: http://www.learningrights.org

Easter seals Commercial Disability: https://youtu.be/ RhSKmPne2k4?si=MmI30lNooxYWkkMI

Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and advocate in the Los Angeles area. She has a Bachelor’s degree in human services from Springfield College and a Master of Science degree in human and social services. Meshell continues volunteering and giving within her local area while serving the special needs community.

�� meshellbaylor.wixsite.com

�� Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities

INSTAGRAM @imalittlebigb

Grow with Them: Using Open Discussions to Encourage Acceptance

and Inclusion

By Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L

Lately, our boys, who are twins, have been asking questions; a lot of questions about what they are experiencing through their worldview. Recently, we returned from a family vacation, and both boys were feeling under the weather. I took David to urgent care one day, and then returned to take Joseph in for similar symptoms the next day. For me, it was nice to have individual time with my boys. For them, exploring and experiencing life through their worldview was a way to understand the world. Let me share our experiences about feeling seen and understanding differences.

Dare to grow with them by being open to having discussions that support their growth and understanding about differences.

Feeling seen

When I took David to urgent care, the medical professional who checked us in seemed a bit disconnected. Her energy seemed stressed as she checked his vital signs and asked questions about what brought us in. I noticed that David was also observing but didn’t say anything except respond to the questions that he was being asked. I sat near him, observed, and said, “Thank you so much for seeing us today.” The medical professional looked up at me and said, “Of course,” with a gentle smile. When she left us to wait for the doctor to arrive, I asked David, “Did you notice something?” He asked if I was referring to the medical professional who just helped us. He said, “Yeah,” but did not elaborate. I shared with David that she seemed stressed to me. He asked about how I knew. I said, “Well, usually, when we come in, the person who checks us in introduces themselves, they look at us both, may share a smile if they’re not wearing a mask, etc. However, our person today helped us, but had her head down and seemed to be bothered by something. That’s why I wanted to let her know that we see her and appreciate her.” I went on to explain to David that medical professionals are very busy and see so many patients per day that it sometimes may be hard to connect. I shared that it’s essential to express gratitude and let people know we appreciate their efforts in helping us. He shook his head in agreement as if

he understood. On our way out, the medical professional, who was now working at her desk, looked up and smiled as we said, “Thank you again,” and that we appreciated her. I am not sure how much David got from the conversation or the experience, but my hope is that he remembers to help others feel seen.

What is one way that you have shown or helped someone feel seen? Have you demonstrated that when you are with and around children? Children are watching us ALL the time. And I learned early on that they are ALWAYS listening. You know, when we provide directions and it appears that they totally missed it? But when we’re trying to have a discreet conversation they hear every word? Yeah, that kind of listening. Help someone feel seen today by being the change they need to see. When children witness this, they may be more inclined to do the same. Remember, they are watching and listening.

Understanding differences

The next day, I needed to take Joseph in. It turns out that what we thought was just a bug was pneumonia for both boys. They are on antibiotics and on their way to full recovery. His medical provider at check-in was in a lighter mood, but we also thanked her for her time and let her know that we appreciated her seeing us today. While Joseph and I waited to be seen by the doctor, he began scanning the room. He was not thrilled to be in a Peppa Pig-themed room, but he knew the characters; all of them! He even shared with me that some of the modern characters were not pictured in the posters. So, Peppa and friends were a hit after all! But I digress.

Joseph started reading the signs in the room. He read a flyer for mental health services that was posted on the door. He asked me questions about all the examples posted: Anxiety, ADHD, depression, grief, trauma, among others. He wanted to know what they were and what they stood for. He even shared an example of a peer in his class who has ADHD. I asked him how he knew his peer has ADHD. He said that the peer shared about it. He then went on to share some observations that he noticed. He said he noticed that his peer needed to move around frequently during class. I was curious about how other students engaged and responded to this peer; I was also curious about how his peer’s needs were being supported. My occupational therapy (OT) brain went on and on, but I kept the questions to a minimum. I’ve discovered that when we bombard children with questions during these very meaningful and teachable moments, they shut down by changing the subject or losing interest in the conversation. So, I picked one question. I asked about how his other peers interacted with the student who has ADHD.

It turns out that teachers gave his peer the freedom to move (yay!). However, he said some of his classmates would ask the student to stop moving. Sounds like an opportunity to teach about neurodiversity and inclusion!

When we create opportunities for children to learn about neurodiversity and differences in the classroom, it promotes understanding and inclusion; it honors the student’s voice or their song (Adams, 2022; Amador, 2024; Alcorn et al., 2024). I shared with Joseph what it means to have ADHD and how that might look different in each person. I also shared that no one should be asked to stop doing something that helps their bodies to stay focused or engaged during learning or any time. I tried to explain to him what ADHD was in the best kid-friendly version that I could think of for an almost 10-year-old to understand. I further shared that we are all unique in our own ways and our brains process information in different ways. Because of this, we respond to our world and communicate in different ways (Adams, 2022). I stressed that, regardless of our differences, it is essential to be kind to others and show compassion. I wanted him to know that differences are not bad; how we respond makes all the difference in the world.

It was important for me to have these discussions with Joseph at that moment because, if he was asking and curious about it, that meant that it was time. Thank goodness I didn’t let my occupational therapist brain take over! Have you ever delayed a “now” conversation with a child because you perhaps felt it wasn’t the right time, you were not ready, or it was too hard a conversation (for you) to have? That’s okay! If we’re honest, most of us have been there. It’s not too late. Be on the lookout and listen for those moments when they come up. Understanding and growth are ongoing processes.

Grow with them

As children grow, their curiosity will take them to places that you wouldn’t imagine. They’ll have questions for days. Dare to grow with them by being open to having discussions that

support their growth and understanding about differences. Discussions are just one way to grow with children in their curiosity and questions about the world. Reading books that teach about differences is another way (Amador, 2024). Uniquely We by Dr. Shayla Means-Williams and other books, such as I’m Just Like You by Emma Burke and Dr. Karen Jacobs, and The Legend of Long Wei by Frank Gastelum and Lee Kalu-Gastelum, are just a few examples. Can you think of other books you’ve read or shared with others to teach children about inclusion and differences? What are some other ways you can promote growth and understanding when there are differences?

Takeaway

When we have discussions with children about how they are seeing the world, we not only go with them on their individual journeys, but we grow with them. Spend time with children or take them out into the community. As you do that, be open to the questions that may come up and bring about meaningful discussions on inclusion, kindness, compassion, acceptance, and more. As we share, we help them to understand and grow. How can you grow with a child today?

Resources:

Uniquely We by Dr. Shayla Means-Williams

I’m Just Like You by Emma Burke & Dr. Karen Jacobs

The Legend of Long Wei by Frank Gastelum & Lee Kalu-Gastelum

References:

Alcorn, A. M., McGeown, S., Mandy, W., Aitken, D., & Fletcher-Watson, S. (2024). Learning about neurodiversity at school: A feasibility study of a new classroom programme for mainstream primary schools. Neurodiversity, 2. https://doi.org/10.1177/27546330241272186

Amador, S. (2024). Breaking barriers and fostering neurodiversity awareness in elementary education through inclusive children’s literature. Texas Education Review, 12(2), 43-60. https://doi.org/10.26153/tsw/51995

Adams, R. (2022, January). Every child has a song: Supporting communication through music. Exceptional Needs Today, 7, 63-65. https:// issuu.com/exceptionalneedstoday/docs/ent_issue_7/s/14333676

Rose Adams, OTD, OTR/L is an occupational therapy practitioner with a clinical focus in pediatrics. She works with children and families of children on the autism spectrum, multiple disabilities, and other neurodiverse needs. Dr. Adams has worked in schools, private practice settings, and community-based programs. She is the executive director at Changing Lives Occupational Therapy, P.C., where she provides occupational therapy services, summer camps and enrichment programs, professional development trainings, mentorship, and parent support workshops. Dr. Adams is a graduate of Boston University’s online Post Professional Occupational Therapy Doctorate (PP-OTD) program and currently serves as an academic mentor. Her doctoral project focused on using song-based interventions to support young children with autism and related disabilities participate in school-based occupations. Dr. Adams is also a continuing education course instructor at Aspire OT. When she is not working, she enjoys writing, baking, singing, and sharing time exploring the outdoors with her school-aged twin boys.

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Fostering Growth When There Are Special Needs

By Melissa Dean, PhD

Shortly after her discharge from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), I took my youngest daughter, Tess, to the ophthalmologist. She had already had surgery for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP) and was also at risk of vision issues from the Grade IV Intraventricular Hemorrhage (IVH) she suffered at birth. The doctor performed numerous tests, examined her grayed optic nerve, and determined that there was nothing he could do to help her. I asked about glasses, additional surgery, or therapies, but he said nothing would help her limited, likely nonexistent, vision. He did not think she could see at all, and no tools or procedures would change that.

Except she could see. Our family witnessed the evidence daily.

Tess was already in Early Intervention (EI) from her prematurity and brain bleed, and when I reported the outcome of our dismal trip to the ophthalmologist to her therapists, they all balked. They told me to change ophthalmologists and recommended a doctor who worked with several other patients of theirs. Her service coordinator added a vision therapist to her slate of providers, and we soon had a homemade vision box in our family room (literally a cardboard box with specific visual stimuli inside that Tess would sit in daily).

The new ophthalmologist prescribed glasses and scheduled surgery on our first visit. He explained that the grayed optic nerve could not be repaired, but that whatever portion of her vision loss was caused by her brain bleed (Cortical Visual Impairment) had the potential to change. He declared her “legally blind” but promised to maximize her vision with every tool at his disposal. To this day, he remains one of her providers I most respect.

Fast forward 10 years. Our local vision educator came by at the start of this past homeschool year to check on Tess and see if we needed anything. Years earlier, I had emphasized pre-Braille with her, but was finding that after a change in her tube feeds and a breakthrough in her oral feeding, Tess’s cognitive and verbal skills were dramatically

increasing, along with her visual awareness. We had abandoned Braille and turned our attention to helping Tess access the vision she has.

Tess had completed a pre-reading program and was in the first level of the same reading curriculum her sister Lydia had successfully used. She had acquired enough phonics to begin reading the short, controlled texts in the curriculum, but she couldn’t see the print on the pages. I had been adapting the readers by printing the text in a larger font, cutting it out, and meticulously taping it over the words in the physical book. It was working a little, but not as well as I had hoped.

The vision educator questioned me about my goals for Tess and the struggles she was having with the adaptations I had made. Within minutes, she offered a suggestion that revolutionized Tess’s reading instructions. I began typing the words from the reader stories onto an iPad and enlarging the font. Tess could see them much more easily without the distraction of the pictures or the physical challenges of holding the pages and looking down at them. All of her cognitive energy could be devoted to seeing and reading the text. In my eagerness to give Tess an authentic reading experience with a physical book, I inadvertently made the task of reading harder for her.

My homeschool journey has been laced with efforts to find the right tools to teach each of my children and to help them develop their capacity to learn. For my children with special educational needs and disabilities, that process included the additional layer of mediating their disabilities. That has not only looked different for each child but also for each situation. There is no magic spell, secret potion, or key ingredient that makes the learning click for all children, but some key principles do guide the process. I will outline these here:

Mindset

My son can be a perfectionist. A single math mistake can trigger anger or defensiveness that shuts the whole lesson down. I countered this with a science lesson on the brain. Once he learned that anger shuts down the thinking part of his brain and that mistakes literally help his brain grow, a simple reminder of this can salvage a lesson in peril.

While we may not (usually) throw temper tantrums or storm off defensively as we seek to educate our kids, a growth mindset is equally, if not more, important for us than for our children. Before any thought of seeking the right tool to help my child learn, I must first believe that he or she can learn. This doesn’t mean holding unrealistic expectations or setting lofty goals, but simply believing that progress is possible, whatever degree or type that may be for a specific child in a specific situation.

It took several years and multiple curriculum choices before my daughter Lydia could read. As a learner with Down syndrome, her path to reading was not linear or developmentally “normal” like that of her older siblings (who each also had varied literacy journeys of their own). Had I adhered to a specific curriculum or a traditional timeline, Lydia would never have learned to read. Believing that she could read empowered me to continue to change programs until I found the right fit and to methodically work through that curriculum at Lydia’s (and my) pace. As I write this, I hear her reading aloud to herself from an adjacent room, one of her two favorite things to do with her free time.

LEARNING STRATEGIES

Focus

In the opening story I shared the vision educator’s suggestion to enlarge the text external from the book may seem like a shift in material or technique. It was both, but more importantly, it was a narrowing of focus. My goal was for Tess to visually access text, to READ the words on the page and take meaning from them. For me, that process comes through holding and turning the pages of a book and examining any pictures the author may have included. But the experience of holding and looking at a physical book was not as important as Tess being able to see the words and read them. Narrowing the focus of my goals for her was the critical difference that made her a reader.

We have numerous goals for our children, but it is critical that we examine them regularly. Some may be eliminated as nonessential or superfluous. Others may be impractical for a particular season. Some need to be broken into multiple smaller goals. Sometimes we just have too many goals and haven’t prioritized them. Focusing on the right goals for the right time allows us to search more efficiently for the tools necessary to meet them.

Resourcefulness

Our search for tools is multifaceted. Sometimes it is a particular program or curriculum. Other times it is an assistive technology. Many times, it is a person, such as a tutor, therapist, consultant, or physician, with expertise to guide our children’s learning, to overcome an obstacle that inhibits it, to offer advice, or simply to see something we don’t, like Tess’s vision educator did for me. It can be as simple as repurposing a tool. All kids are unique, and those with exceptional needs have additional layers of uniqueness that require thinking creatively about how to meet those needs.

Insight

Finding the right tool to help a child learn is impossible without insight into that child. Insight requires time and proximity. Observe your child in a variety of learning situations. What do they do when faced with a challenge? How do they handle mistakes or failure? What does your child do when they succeed? How can you tell when your child is tired, distracted, or just has no bars left? Does your child learn better in a quiet space or with some white noise in the background? Do they need to move while learning? Become a student of your child as a learner, so you know what tools to seek and what adjustments to make to help them progress.

After almost 30 years as a parent and 20 years of homeschooling, I have invested significant time into finding

the right tools that will unlock learning for my children. I have learned there is truly no panacea. I see my role to be a mediator of my child’s learning and, if applicable, their disability. Individualization is key, and my ultimate goal is to equip my children to be lifelong learners. If I keep my eyes

on my child instead of other people’s children or timelines or expectations, I will learn what I need to find, do, change, or acquire to facilitate their learning. And when something doesn’t work or stops being effective, I begin the search again. There is no better tool a child can have than the investment of a parent who believes they can and will learn

At the end of a day or after an activity, I will often ask my children what their favorite part was. My twins typically name a specific part of it that they most enjoyed or appreciated. Without fail, though, Lydia will quickly and confidently exclaim, “You! You are my favorite part.” She enjoys many people and activities, from reading to music to dancing to theater to eating lunch outside at her favorite restaurants. She can get overwhelmed at times, but is also willing to challenge herself with new endeavors, most recently learning to play piano and attempting a tapdancing routine. Lydia is very perceptive and self-aware.

I believe her reflection on her favorite part of each day is more than a feel-good, affirmation of me as her mom, but representative of her intrinsic awareness of my constancy in her life and her appreciation of the stability that provides as she engages the world.

Teachers, coaches, therapists, and caretakers can pour tremendous effort into helping our children learn new skills and overcome challenges. We can expose them to a variety of activities with numerous materials in a multitude of settings, but these individuals come and go (often at a high rate for our kids with complex challenges). Settings, materials, and activities change even more frequently. Wherever, from whomever, and with whatever our children learn, we are the anchor that grounds, the lighthouse that guides, and the lookout that sees them on their journey. Whether they speak it aloud or just know it deep, deep down inside, we are their constant—their very favorite part.

Melissa Dean, PhD, is a homeschool mom to eight children whose ages range from 12 to 29. Her youngest three children have exceptional needs. She holds a PhD in Special Education and is a student pursuing an M.Min. in Theology & Culture at St. Stephen’s University. She is passionate about helping others nurture their gifts, especially those society often overlooks. Melissa loves following Carolina basketball and Michigan football, crafting complicated coffee drinks, and playing strategy games with family and friends. She lives in Chesapeake, VA, and blogs occasionally at crosseyedliving.wordpress.com.

A PEDIATRICIAN’S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR CHILDREN WITH UNIQUE ABILITIES

By Dr. Jim Sears, Pediatrician on the popular daytime show The Doctors

Ah, the holidays! ‘Tis the season for boundless joy, without a care in the world.

Who are we kidding? Yes, the holidays may be a time of delight, but let’s not delude ourselves. Along with sudden ice storms and slippery sidewalks, they also introduce new routines and senses for exceptional kids to weather.

Although some disruption is unavoidable, there are ways to mitigate many of the moving parts and indeed continue to benefit your child throughout the year. One easy way is to be intentional about your gifting.

Before we get to the Holiday Gift Guide, here’s a brief guide to the guide. First, this is not a one-size-fits-all approach. You know children best, with their own unique abilities, sensitivities, and needs. Match where they are now when choosing a gift. Second, it’s not just about the “wow” factor, but the “how” factor. How will this gift continue to provide support for the child beyond the holidays? Third, there are some general guidelines when choosing a gift for an exceptional child. Here are some points to consider:

The 2025 Holiday Gift Guide

What to keep in mind

• Sensory needs come first. If a child is sensitive to noise, textures, or lights, opt for calming, nonoverstimulating options.

• Function meets fun. Many therapeutic or adaptive tools double as engaging toys—gifts can be both enjoyable and beneficial.

• Safety is non-negotiable. Select age-appropriate, durable items that are free from small parts or sharp edges.

What to avoid

• Overly noisy, flashy, or overly scented items that could cause sensory overload.

• Gifts with complex instructions that may frustrate rather than entertain.

• Generic “age-appropriate” labels—these don’t always align with a child’s developmental stage.

Now it’s time for the fun part. We’ve curated a list of products and services that we believe meet the “wow” and “how” factors, giving special consideration to creations crafted by folks in the unique world of exceptional kids. Please note that this list was created independently of product retailers, and price and availability are subject to change.

Zofia’s Sensory Wand

Created by entrepreneur Zofia, these wands come in three cool versions: Trio, Prime, and Shiny. Zofia says, “I’ve used how God uniquely designed me with DS, ADHD, and SPD to become a Sensory Expert and Handcraft Artisan.” She creates her wands to keep hands busy and minds focused. Available at MySensoryArt.com ($23.50).

Tyrone the Singing Mouse by Elizabeth Splaine

In this book, Tyrone, a mouse, lives in an opera house and dreams of singing on the stage. But how could that dream possibly come true? Splaine, a voice teacher, says, “Tyrone deals with themes like inclusion, friendship, dreaming big.” It’s written in a rhyming, sing-song cadence and has bright, vibrant illustrations (by Mariia Stepanova) that keep kids tuned in. Available in softcover, Kindle, and Special Santa Fe Opera Edition ($22.77).

The Dreamer

A science-backed sound machine created by new parents Joshua and Danielle Bronfman. Consistent, controlled sound environments made by sound machines may help manage sensory overload, but the benefit doesn’t stop there. Researchers say listening to frequencies can reduce a person’s cortisol levels (the stress hormone), increase oxytocin (a feel-good hormone and neurotransmitter), and other benefits which help us rest and relax. Available at SleepwithDreamer.com ($99).

The Works Fidget Kit by Kaiko

Kai who is both autistic and dyslexic founded Kaiko Fidgets when he was just 11 years old. A teen now, he works alongside his mom, an occupational therapist to invent incredible gadgets. The Works comes with seven different metal fidgets that are discreet, quiet, and allow you to explore and establish preferred sensory preferences. Purposely selected to cover a range of sensory preferences, from super soft to high sensory input and so much between. Handcrafted in Australia. Shipped internationally. Available at KaikoFidgets.com ($67.00 AUD).

ARKeologist Chew Pack

ARKeologist Chew Pack necklaces offer a discreet solution for anyone who needs to chew. Use one or more to provide calming and organizing proprioceptive input to the jaw, to help increase focus during homework and other activities, and/or as a safe alternative. Saber tooth, dinosaur track, dinosaur tooth, and arrowheads each have a cool factor both kids and adults will love. ARK was founded by Debbie Lowsky, MS, CCC-SLP, 25 years ago. Available at ArkTherapeutic.com ($59.99).

Hand Warmers by TreeShine Designs

Funky handmade hand warmers by Kentucky designer “Tree,” from a stretchy (earth-friendly) bamboo fleece that feels snuggly soft and super warm! Available in various colors and designs at TreeShineDesigns.com ($30).

Driving Instruction for Exceptional Learners

Neurodivergent students with ADD, ADHD, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorder, OCD, Crohn’s Disease, Bipolar disorder and other challenges are often turned away from driver education programs. Most driving schools teach to a simple test which entails vehicle handling and the very basics of driving. They are not equipped with the tools or the experienced staff to work with exceptional learners. Source an instructor for exceptional earners in your area with a great reputation and purchase some lessons for the year ahead.

Drawn to be Different T-shirt

Artist Trent was diagnosed with autism at the age of two. Soon after, he started to draw –animals. Trent has limited verbal communication skills, and it can be frustrating. But he finds escape drawing his super amazing animals. Now in his late 20s, his art graces all kinds of products from stationery to drinkware. The Drawn to be Different shirt not only highlights Trent's unique art but the diversity of our planet and people. People will do a double take when they see you sporting this one-of-a-kind Elephiger on your t-shirt. Available at DrawingsbyTrent.com ($23).

Popcorn for the People – popcorn delivery subscription

Do you know someone who loves popcorn? Check out Popcorn for the People co-founded by Samuel and his parents. After employers wouldn’t give Samuel a chance to show his talents, they didn’t give up, they started popping! Can’t decide between Chicago Baked Cheddar popcorn or Dark Chocolate Espresso? You don’t have to when you order a bundle subscription. Yummy bags are delivered to your home every 14, 30, or 60 days. Available at PopcornforthePeople.com ($32)

The Creative LCD Tablet

This tablet is perfect for kids who love using their imagination to write and create with intention and purpose. Its LCD pressure-sensitive technology features a 10-inch color screen with a battery life of about six months. Writing and drawing on the tablet creates lines of different thickness based on how hard you press. Erase with one button. Available at ProjectMontessori.com ($78.90)

That’s a wrap on the 2025 Holiday Gift Guide. We hope these suggestions help you pick the perfect present for the ones you care most about this season. But regardless of what gift you end up giving, it will most certainly be given with “love,” the best present of all.

Disclaimer: This holiday gift guide is provided for informational purposes only. The products and services mentioned are suggestions. We do not guarantee outcomes, satisfaction, or the safety of any product, and we are not responsible for any issues that may arise from their use. Always read manufacturer instructions, age recommendations, and safety guidelines before purchasing or using any product. This guide does not provide medical or professional advice. If you have specific concerns—especially regarding children, health, or special needs—please consult a qualified professional.

Four-time Emmy Award nominee Dr. Jim Sears is known to millions as America’s go-to pediatrician on the popular daytime show The Doctors Dr. Jim has also appeared as a medical expert on Dr. Phil, and the PBS series Help Me Grow. Dr. Jim has co-authored several bestselling parenting books, including The Baby Sleep Book, The Baby Book, and The Premature Baby Book, all published by Little, Brown. When not traveling as a popular speaker for conventions and conferences, Dr. Jim maintains a thriving medical practice in Southern California and has two great kids.

How Your Emotional State Regulates or Dysregulates Your Neurodivergent Child

By Raun K. Kaufman

Would you like to help your neurodivergent child feel calmer, relaxed, connected, and regulated? Do you notice that your child can be anxious, stressed, or agitated? Or maybe you have a child who is prone to meltdowns or extreme/explosive behaviors?

While these behaviors are certainly multifactorial, one of the most important —and yet overlooked —contributors is your own emotional state. Though I’m sure you’ve noticed how your child reacts to your mood, tone of voice, and overall level of stress, you may not realize the degree to which your child’s state is dependent upon yours. And why would you? If you’re like most parents (or even therapists), you are told that your child’s behaviors, states, and challenges lie within them. These are supposedly “issues” that your child has.

The missing element

But a crucial cornerstone is missing from this narrative: Your emotional state sets the stage. It can serve to regulate your child’s nervous system or shift it into hyperdrive. It can act to calm your child or throw them into disarray.

I don’t say this to cast blame or find fault. Of course, you are not the cause of your child’s overarching challenges. In fact, I’m sure you would move heaven and earth (and have done so!) to ease those challenges.

I am writing this to provide you with insight into what’s happening within your child and a way to make your family life more tranquil and harmonious. And who wouldn’t want that?

Your child’s nervous system

Your neurodivergent child has a very sensitive nervous system. This leads to them being easily overloaded by sensory stimuli that you may barely notice, a powerfully heightened need for control or predictability, and a chronic sense of not feeling safe.

Many of your loved ones’ actions that get categorized as “behaviors” are actually challenges with state regulation. Think about how you react (or overreact) to relatively minor inconveniences when you are highly stressed or sleep-

deprived. You might bite someone’s head off (metaphorically, I hope) even if you are not at all a yeller or short-tempered as a general rule. When our nervous systems are stressed, agitated, or locked in fight-or-flight survival mode, we can become highly reactive and much less adept at coping.

Now imagine being stuck in this state all the time. This is your child’s situation. This doesn’t mean that they can never be regulated. It just means that their capacity to maintain equilibrium and homeostasis is fragile. Their ability to remain calm and to become calm (i.e., to self-regulate) is delicate. And their sense of their own safety is easily destabilized.

Your child’s experience of you

So where do you come in? When you are stressed, frustrated, aggravated, scared, upset, or otherwise dysregulated, your loved one will immediately pick up on that. Yes, this is true even if you try very hard to conceal it. Don’t let anyone fool you with a misleading term like “mind-blindness.”

Your child will experience your agitation as:

• Sensory overload (Some have described this feeling as “a tidal wave”.)

• A stripping away of their much-needed sense of control and predictability

• A loss of their feeling of safety

This experience will lead to your child becoming dysregulated (or having a very hard time regulating), and this may manifest as:

• Crying/screaming

• Saying “no” to everything

• Curling up in a ball and shutting down

• Hitting/pinching/scratching

• Making inflammatory statements (“I hate you!”), “I’m going to burn this house down!”)

The good news is that the inverse of this phenomenon is also true. When you are in a calm, easygoing, welcoming, playful, loving, happy, or otherwise regulated emotional state, your loved one will pick up on that, too, and this will enable them to feel safe. They are now in an environment that feels more predictable, controllable, nurturing, and more sensorily manageable. This makes it much easier for your child to reach a regulated state, which may manifest as:

• Calmness

• Playfulness

• Willingness to participate and even to try new things

• The capacity to cope with non-preferred events

• Connectedness (The Safe to Connect autism approach I co-created is named after the fact that our loved ones must feel safe in order to connect.)

Regulating yourself first

So, now you can see how vital it is to prioritize your own emotional state when interacting with your neurodivergent loved one. It’s easier said than done, though, right? Well, we have found that there are six leading causes of emotional stress, distress, and dysregulation for everyone. They are:

• Disconnection from your own nervous system

• Repetitive rumination

• Difficulty setting effective boundaries

• Trying to control things that can’t be controlled

• Failure to do what your body needs in order for it to selfregulate

• Ignoring or suppressing emotions that you don’t want to feel but which must be felt

You can do this! The first step is to see that, in a real way, you and your child are on the same journey.

An international lecturer and graduate of the Ivy League’s Brown University with a degree in Biomedical Ethics, Raun K. Kaufman is the author of the book, Autism Breakthrough and the co-creator of the Safe to Connect autism approach and the ACT (Autism Crisis Turnaround) protocol, which pioneered the concept of the Neuro-Crash. The former CEO of an international autism training non-profit, Raun has spent more than 25 years’ experience developing innovative heart-led autism approaches built around a true understanding the autistic brain, nervous system, psyche, and experience and has worked with families and educators from over 100 different countries. As a child, he was diagnosed with profound (non-speaking) autism and recommended for lifelong institutionalization. Instead, his parents worked with him in a totally new way they developed, enabling him to blossom, grow, and, ultimately, accomplish everything his parents were promised he would not. A best-selling book and  award-winning television movie were made about his journey. He has been interviewed by media such as National Public Radio, BBC Television, Fox News Channel, The London Telegraph, and People Magazine

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A Letter to Special Needs Caregivers: Life is On-the-Job Training

By Karen Kaplan, MS

Dear Parents and Teachers,

I am writing this letter to alert you to a very simple concept that needs to be embraced by you when creating a life plan for an individual with autism or other neurodiverse challenges.

We all come into this world needing to acquire sharing skills, reading skills, listening skills, and learning skills. None of us arrives knowing how to do all things. We all stumble and fumble. What we must be encouraged to do is to try. We must be assured that we will make mistakes, but that is okay. We will try one approach, and if it doesn't work, we will be supported in trying another. We are told to watch others (parents, siblings, friends, teachers) to see how it is done.

Well, parents, many will tell you that only evidence-based practices will work with those on the autism spectrum, but if strategies work with typical children, why not those on the

spectrum as well? Yes, perhaps some modifications will be needed, but let's also explore real-life practices.

Of course, some traditional educational methods often rely on abstract concepts and rote memorization, which can make learning feel disconnected from the real world. For those with special needs, this can be a significant learning challenge. When students struggle to see the relevance of what they are learning, it can lead to confusion, disinterest, and frustration, making it more difficult for them to grasp essential concepts. In real life, meaningful activities can enhance the acquisition of skills.

Real-life examples help individuals grasp complex concepts by breaking them down into simpler, relatable terms (such as evidence-based task analysis). For instance, math concepts can be explained using everyday life experiences, like baking cookies or creating and managing a budget,

making those abstract concepts more understandable and thus easier to learn. These are real-life on-the-job training.

When children can connect what they learn to their own lives, they become more engaged in the learning process. This heightened engagement can then lead to increased motivation and a more positive attitude towards learning.

Real-life activities encourage problem-solving. They show individuals that what they learn at home and in school has real meaning in their lives.

By using real-life examples, teachers and parents can tailor the learning to the unique interests and needs of everyone. This real-life, individualized approach can be particularly beneficial for children with special needs, as it allows for a more customized and effective learning experience.

You can teach about food by growing it in your backyard garden. They can measure the growth. They can water the plants and fertilize the plants, learning to solve problems and grow their own food. Learning fine motor and motor planning skills comes along with supporting this garden.

You can teach about animals by visiting a pet store, zoo, state fair, aquarium, or even a safari park. Have them volunteer at places that support, feed, and care for animals.

On-the-job learning includes taking your individual grocery shopping with you. Having them push the cart, reach for the item, place it in the cart, and then proceed to the conveyor belt, pay for the item, and finally pack the car. Shopping helps individuals learn to follow directions, thereby increasing their comprehension. It increases noun recognition by naming fruits, vegetables, drinks, meats, dairy products, and other purchased items.

If you, the parent or teacher, do life for the student or individual, they will not learn how to do life for themselves. So, let them learn to carry their backpack from the car into school. Let them hang up their coat. Let them sharpen their pencil, obtain another piece of paper, and get the scissors or glue for their art project. Let them learn to pack their lunch for school. You can use Social Stories to help them learn. Take a look here: Home - Carol Gray - Social Stories You can use task analysis, check out: Applied Behavior Analysis: The Role of Task Analysis and Chaining: Articles: Indiana Resource Center for Autism: Indiana University Bloomington, which looks at breaking each task down into manageable steps and only asking them to complete one or two at a time. You can use visual schedules to help them accomplish each step. A good resource is: Ultimate guide to visual schedules: benefits, tips and best practices. Do not wait to start on-the-job, real-life education. Work

with your districts to begin early and plan your own strategies as well.

Find an occupational therapist who believes in using real life to develop skills. Have them write educational goals that use meaningful activities to increase fine motor, motor planning, strength, and balance. Think beyond holding a pencil for a goal. Why not add brushing teeth, washing hands, cooking, or sweeping? All can be done in the school setting. If your

If you, the parent or teacher, do life for the student or individual, they will not learn how to do life for themselves.

exceptional loved one is a teenager, have them write goals that teach real-life job skills (using a copier, crossing streets, using a telephone, filing, riding a bike, lifting, and shelving). These activities support fine motor, motor planning, balance, strength, and problem-solving skills.

Find a speech therapist willing to move away from tabletop tasks, which only use pointing and giving. Find a speechlanguage pathologist (SLP) who will write goals that develop social skills, playing with others, using the imagination, building comprehension through following directions, and who is knowledgeable about assistive technology and alternative communication devices. An SLP in the schools can take students to the library, cafeteria, and lunchroom, and, of course, out to recess. This approach teaches communication in real-life settings, through on-the-job training, and in a student environment. An SLP can write these types of goals.

Flexibility is a valuable real-life skill, so try to develop it early. Have your child become accustomed to sitting in various seats in the car and at the dinner table. Introduce different kinds of music early. Be sure to take them to different parks when they are young. When walking in the neighborhood, have them go in different directions so they don't get stuck, only wanting to go one way.

Working with others is also a life skill. It takes on-the-job training for our children to acquire these skills. Therefore, teach cooperation, teamwork, and collaboration from an early age. Have them help their siblings with household

chores. Please encourage them to get involved in team sports (soccer, basketball, volleyball). Connect with their teacher and have them help your individual learn how to do collaborative projects. If they are into video games, then encourage them to play with partners.

To be successful in a real-life job, they will need to be able to inform employers about their sensory sensitivities. Help them understand their sensitivities and learn how to support them effectively. If bright lights are aversive, being allowed to wear sunglasses can help. If loud or unexpected

sounds can create anxiety, then being able to wear a hat or use earplugs can reduce sensitivity. Being allowed to sit in the back of the room can also help when exiting spaces before others and maintaining the necessary distance between bodies, which benefits individuals. Real-life jobs require employees to greet others, engage in social conversations, and ask for help if needed. Role-playing with them is an excellent strategy for this life training activity.

So, parents, I encourage you to use real life to job train life skills.

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees in speech pathology and audiology at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a speech therapist for schools for 20 years before opening her own residential and education program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University as well as UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for those with autism and similar learning challenges.

Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures globally to understand those with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting and helping families, schools, and centers for children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books: Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven…and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love).

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THE ECCENTRIC GENIUS HABITAT INTERVENTION:

INTERIOR DESIGN FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE

By Stephanie Lee Jackson

This book will help you create spaces that support your genius. If you don't think of yourself as having genius, think again. If you are reading this, you qualify.

You will learn about sensory sensitivity and neurodiversity, gaining an appreciation of how your brain works and how your experience may differ from that of other people. Through sensory assessment exercises, you will discover unique aspects of your own nervous system and discover the specific triggers that drain your energy.

If you or your family have trouble staying on task or regulating emotions, this book will give you some tools for recognizing why you're struggling, removing obstacles to thriving, and creating systems that support your superpowers-superpowers like imagination, problem-solving, insight, and analysis.

Action item chapters are divided into “now, next month, and someday” sections so that you can move at your own pace, according to your available resources.

You'll pay more attention to how small annoyances can foster big health problems and learn some simple ways to boost your physical and mental health by adapting your environment. You will learn how to work with color, sound, light, and space in ways that transform your experience of everyday life.

You'll start thinking critically about how your space mirrors your relationships, and how to adjust physical boundaries to create more balance and harmony in your family and emotional life.

Most importantly, this book will help you claim your agency on both personal and societal levels. As you gain insight into your challenges and superpowers on a personal scale, you will free up more of your precious energy to connect with others, in ways that can heal your body, your community, and the planet itself.

Ambitious? Nah. Let's get going.

Stephanie Lee Jackson is the owner and founder of Practical Sanctuary, Sensory Interior Design. Practical Sanctuary uses trauma-informed neuroscience to create spaces that help you focus, heal, emotionally regulate, and build community. Clients call it “space therapy”. Stephanie founded Practical Sanctuary when her art and healing practices converged. As a professional fine artist, she founded art spaces in New York and San Francisco, exhibiting her paintings internationally. As a massage therapist, she founded Practical Bodywork in Philadelphia, and taught Anatomy, Physiology, Pathology, and Advanced Massage Technique at Community College of Philadelphia. With her understanding of aesthetics and the neuroscience of pain relief, she noticed that standard design features of many spaces cause unnecessary distress in sensitive people. She developed Sensory Interior Design to address this problem.

Stephanie is a highly sensitive person with many friends and family on the autism spectrum. Her mission is to create inclusive environments for all neurotypes. Her book, The Eccentric Genius Habitat Intervention: Interior Design For Highly Sensitive People, is both a manifesto on the need for sensory accessible, sustainable design, and a how-to manual for creating spaces that are tailored to your unique sensory needs.

Author photo by Amaris Hames.

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Creating Healthy Relationships for Exceptional Children in the Adoption and Foster System

By Michelle Baylor

In November, we celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month. This event raises awareness for children and families in the foster care system and for those who are being placed in loving homes to have a loving family. The wonderful thing about National Adoption Month is that we get to honor all kinds of extraordinary families that remind us that family means love. I have had the pleasure of attending family court as families come together to witness the union of a child being officially adopted into their new family.

When entering the family courthouse, the atmosphere is peaceful. You witness the child and their soon-to-be family wearing matching outfits, bringing signs that say, "Officially a Family.” In-laws, social workers, and professionals who have been a part of the child's case since day one come to celebrate with the family as they prepare to walk through the court doors and officiate the adoption. According to the Arc of California, there are over 60,000 children in the foster care system, and 33% of them have either a chronic condition or some form of developmental disability.

As our beautiful parents begin this new journey of celebrating their exceptional family, how can we assist them in ensuring their exceptional child and family are supported

in early intervention and learning to adjust to the new change of having a family?

Many young children in the foster care system have been removed from their biological families and placed into the foster system, and have either been subjected to or exposed to alcohol and drug abuse during pregnancy, while many others deal with psychological trauma from various forms of physical abuse, neglect, and various situations. A foster parent entering this new world of supporting a child with unique circumstances understands that the process of helping the child learn to adjust to a stable home environment and receiving TLC, tender loving care, will take some time. Here are some tips for the exceptional foster parent.

• Be welcoming: If you have taken the step to welcome this bundle of joy into your home, be welcoming. This is a new journey, so take each day one step at a time. Make sure you let them know that they are welcome and safe.

• Learn about their traditions: Foster care celebrates inclusion in every aspect, so if your exceptional child has positive family traditions, learn about them, and their culture, and incorporate family traditions to make

them feel like their voice and positive traditions are welcome. Additionally, create new family traditions of your own and work together to build your family rituals gradually.

• Collaborate: Learn to connect with your exceptional child's support team, their social worker, pediatrician, therapist, and various others, so that we are all together working for the same goal to help the exceptional child feel their support system is intact.

• Be receptive: In learning how to connect with your exceptional child, ask the child about things they like to do for fun, such as painting, drawing, and coloring. Walk into their world and learn about them. There will be times when the exceptional child may shut you out, but be receptive to their voice, behavior, and triggers. Please work with your team to help them get through the challenges they face. Remember, Ohana means family, and no one gets left behind.

This is a learning experience for the child and you, the parent, so please remember this is a process. Everything will slowly work out with time and patience. Many amazing families open their doors to exceptional children in the foster system who have developmental disabilities. According to children's legal rights, about one-third of children in the foster care system have some form of a disability. When a parent does not know how to advocate for the child, know that there are excellent resources to support you. The first thing we must always acknowledge is that the IDEA, the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, governs all children with disabilities to have the right to free appropriate educational services to assist their individualized needs. These services include the following:

• Special Education Services

• Speech and Language

• IEP Services (Individual Educational Plan) or Section 504 Plan

• Occupational Therapy

• ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis Therapy)

• Physical Therapy

• Access to Assistive Technology

• Special Education Interpreter

• Transportation

• Access to DDS (Department of Developmental Services)

• Foster Parent College (Resource given to foster parents to take free courses on learning how to navigate the special education system and learn about various disabilities and how to look for the early signs)

The parent and child will have access to these services to help support you on your family journey. I had the opportunity to work in a wonderful foster care agency that celebrated the exceptional foster families who adopted foster children and their siblings and also supported biological families striving to regain custody of their children, foster good parenting skills, and attend courtmandated visitations at their agency.

The overall goal is to provide a stable loving environment for the child to thrive and grow in a caring home environment. I wanted to send a special thank you to the many social workers, families, and support systems that advocate for the child and the families. A special thank you to Foster College a growing online organization that helps foster parents learn how to navigate the foster system, raising a child with exceptional disabilities, and educational services to promote child and family advocacy. As we approach this amazing month of fall remember the month of November represents National Adoption Awareness Month and we celebrate families from all walks of life because inclusion is love.

References & Resources

Children's Rights: https://www.childrensrights.org/news-voices/at-leastone-third-of-children-in-foster-care-have-disabilities

Department of Developmental Services: Home: CA Department of Developmental Services

Foster Parent College: Online Training for Caregivers

IDEA Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) | U.S. Department of Education

The Arc Of California: Advocating for Children with Disabilities in the Foster Care System

Young children in foster care: multiple vulnerabilities and complex service needs. Infants & Young Children: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Early Childhood Intervention, 18(2), 147–160. https://doi.org/10.1097/00001163200504000-00007

Meshell Baylor, MHS, is a mother of four children—two of whom are on the autism spectrum. She serves her community as a social worker and advocate in the Los Angeles area. She has a Bachelor’s degree in human services from Springfield College and a Master of Science degree in human and social services. Meshell continues volunteering and giving within her local area while serving the special needs community.

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�� Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities

“Flipping The Script” For A Great Holiday Season When There are Special Needs

By Deanna Picon, BA

December 1

Dear Diary,

Well, I wasn’t going to, but I’ve decided to attend the PTA (Parent Teacher Association) meeting tonight. John’s teacher sent home flyers about the upcoming holiday party for the kids. It’s crunch time, and they’re behind in their fundraising efforts, so they need parents to help.

I planned just to send a check, but I really need something to lift me up. It could be a distraction to take my mind off things. I feel so alone and depressed right now.

I had the worst Thanksgiving with Joan and her condescending friends. My sister-in-law and a bunch of other “perfect” moms were talking about their big holiday plans, how excited their kids are, what presents they’re buying, and the trips they’ll be taking. As usual, I felt they tried to tiptoe around me while they all thought, “You know about her son, right? Kid can’t even talk!”

I hate having everybody else’s “normal” holidays being paraded in front of me. I know life isn’t fair, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

December 2

Dear Diary,

I’m glad I went. I’m surprised how many parents showed up. The teachers and admin staff really work hard on behalf of our kids. I have to do better next year.

The evening began with the school’s holiday plans, but my mind was still preoccupied with the terrible Thanksgiving experience. Joan and her best friend, Annie, one-upping each other about their travel plans (“Barbados? Barbados is nice, but we’ve been there SO many times!”), and Pat and her clique going on about which toys they’re getting for their kids, etc., etc.

I just sat there on the couch, agreeing with everyone about how wonderful this Christmas is going to be and blah, blah, blah, while, inside, thinking of how I’m buying toddler toys for my eight-year-old AGAIN, and which tree decorations are going to be safe for him.

So, last night, I just couldn’t focus on the PTA meeting. I walked over to get some refreshments and sat down to take a mental break from all the noise in my head.

And that’s when this woman, Angela, came over and sat beside me. She’s maybe 10 years older, and she’s got this very peaceful vibe going on. Before I could say a word, she put her hand on my arm and said, “I know.”

I just looked at her, like, “What?” And she tells me she knows what I’m feeling right now because she used to be me.

Turns out she’s also a special needs mom and has an autistic, teenage daughter.

Angela started talking about how she recognized the “lonely, hopeless, and overwhelmed” look on my face, describing it as “when you feel you’re stuck and there’s no way out.” Angela said she used to feel the same way.

So, I asked why she doesn’t feel that way now, and she said, “Because I flipped the script. I changed the way I look at things and handle things, and my life is so much better.”

Well, of course, I was curious (desperate) to know what in the world she was talking about, and what this trick of “flipping the script” means. So, long story short, Angela invited me to her home on Saturday for lunch, and I accepted, which is weird for me. But for some reason, I sense a connection with her.

December 7

Dear Diary,

Wow. I don’t even know what to say here. It feels like I’ve got some light and hope for the first time in a LONG time.

Thank goodness for Angela. For once, I met a person who had actually done what she said about learning to take control of her life and make it better.

It turns out that “flipping the script” means not always taking things the way they’re handed to you, or the way you’ve been taught or expected to. It means taking the same circumstances and writing a new “script” with a plot based on what you and your family REALLY want and need. A plot that has more self-care and a better ending.

I love the way she said it, “Your family will never have somebody else’s holidays. That’s impossible, because no two families are alike. What’s important is that your family has its own holiday: the BEST one you can have.”

Which means I’m taking back control, and Joan and her arrogant friends won’t be seeing my family for holiday celebrations for a long time. She’s his sister, but Dave says he’s also sick of Joan’s drama and that our family comes first. I think it’s a great husband who supports his wife like this!

Today, we accepted our wonderful neighbor Barbara’s invitation to spend Christmas with her family. They’ve seen Dave and me at our best and worst through the challenges of raising John. And yet, they never judge us. Quite the opposite, they’re always willing to help or offer a supportive smile.

Angela and I talked a lot more, and she had some terrific advice. More tomorrow!

December 8

Dear Diary,

I want to write down as much as possible today, so I don’t forget what Angela and I talked about.

First, you’ve got to give yourself some credit and cut yourself some slack. Like Angela says, most parents have it easier than we do (not saying that other families don’t have challenges, but let’s be realistic here). If we’re keeping it together, even if we’re struggling to do it, that’s a real-life victory against the odds.

Angela says she gives herself a medal every year. She literally draws a medal on paper and puts it on her refrigerator. I just love the idea of having that much empathy and respect for yourself. Not to feel superior or anything, just to remember that I’m riding a hard road that not everyone could handle.

Angela also treats herself to something special: a mani/ pedi, new clothes, etc. Something, no matter how little, that makes her feel good and smile.

The second thing is to recognize that taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family. “If you fall apart, your family won’t last a week.” That’s how Angela puts it, and she’s right.

She says that special needs parents should take time for themselves, have some fun and joy now and then, and give themselves things to look forward to. Don’t let your child’s disability define you!

2026. New Year, New Beginnings!

I think about that for myself and for Dave. He’s a great dad but I know everything takes a toll on him, too. We both need and deserve a break. Angela’s right that we have friends and other relatives who keep offering to help us, so we’re going to find ways to accept that help; a meal here, a night out there.

Like Angela says, “Say yes with appreciation, not guilt.” She’s turning into my role model! Seriously, we’re talking on the phone every other day now.

December 11

Dear Diary,

Dave and I had a long talk last night. It was a better kind of talk than we’ve had in years. We talked about flipping our script to be about our family and us, not what other people think or say or do.

We’re going to take Angela’s advice and start filling a “Getaway” piggy bank with spare coins and dollars every week. I know we won’t get to Barbados, but next year’s Valentine’s Day will definitely include a romantic night away for us in a nice hotel.

And in 2026, we’ll give each other more support and “ME” time to do things we each love. Dave wants to go shoot pool twice a month. I want to join a gym.

It will be good for our relationship and our family, not just for ourselves.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt I was looking forward. I understand now what Angela meant, that she “used to be” me. I think I’m going to “used to be” me too …

Deanna Picon, BA, is the founder of Your Autism Coach, LLC, which provides personalized guidance, comprehensive support programs and seminars for parents of special needs children. Her personal mission is to empower parents as they advocate for their children, while balancing productive work and family lives. Deanna is a parent of a non-verbal, young man with autism.

Her academic credits include a Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology and a Bachelor of Arts degree in broadcast journalism from Syracuse University.

She is the author of The Autism Parents' Guide to Reclaiming Your Life, and Special Needs Holiday Magic: How to Enjoy a Great Holiday Season with Your Autistic Child. Both are available from Amazon. Deanna shows parents how to overcome the challenges of raising a child with special needs, while building a rewarding life for themselves.

Deanna is the recipient of the 2023 “Top Family Guidance Writer” award from Exceptional Needs Today Magazine.

�� yourautismcoach.com

✉ info@yourautismcoach.com

�� The Autism Parents' Guide To Reclaiming Your Life: How To Build The Best Life While Successfully Raising A Child With Autism

�� Special Needs Holiday Magic: How To Enjoy A Great Holiday Season With Your Autistic Child

THE FRIENDSHIP & DATING DUO How to Ditch Small Talk and Have Better Conversations

By Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh

Afew weeks ago, Ilana and I hosted a big summer BBQ. Initially, it was intended to be an annual gathering for our local Social Life 360 program clients and members of another local organization. It ultimately became a beautiful celebration of life in memory of our friend and colleague, Debora Smith, who had given so much to both groups.

Around 75 people came. The air smelled of hot dogs and charcoal, people hung out in the shade, and conversations popped up all around the grill. As the hosts, we had the rare opportunity to step back and watch. What we saw was fascinating…

Some people were really sparking connections, while others seemed to start conversations that didn’t go anywhere.

That contrast between connection and awkward silence is so important because it’s the difference between walking out of a group with a phone number and an offer to get together, and walking out of a group alone, with nothing to show for your time spent there.

Why some conversations take off

The conversations that were sparking connection were easy to spot. You could tell by the way people leaned in toward each other, laughed together, or even walked together to the pond or snack table. These might have been a little awkward at first, but they gained energy and momentum.

And what were people talking about? Their passions!

We heard debates about football (mainly between the Rams and Chargers). We overheard excited talk about Pokémon, Japanese culture, pickleball, cars, and Nintendo Switch.

People were discussing the things they cared about, and when you talk about something you love with someone who shares your passion, the energy is contagious.

Why some conversations fall flat

Not every conversation around the picnic tables had that spark. Many stalled almost immediately. And we noticed something about those conversations that fizzled…

To us watching from the outside, they sounded like a boring job interview.

One person would ask a typical small talk question, like “Where are you from?” “Do you like sports?” “What do you do?”

The other person would respond with what we call a Short Factual Answer, like: “I’m from California.” “Yes, I like sports.” “I’m a student.”

And then… nothing. Awkward silence. Both people were awkwardly wondering what to say next.

The problem isn’t the people. The problem is the pattern. When Small Talk Questions are paired with Short Factual Answers, the conversation has no energy and no direction to go. That’s why Dynamic Responses, as we call them in Social Life 360, can make all the difference in whether a conversation wins or flops.

The power of dynamic responses

It makes so much sense to hear a question, interpret it literally, and answer it factually.

The problem is that most questions aren’t deep, so interpreting them literally and answering them factually accomplishes the primary goal of responding to the question but doesn’t achieve the secondary goal of being an interesting driver of conversation.

So, what we coach our clients to do is stop thinking about questions literally and instead think of a question as an opportunity to tell a story. That’s the essence of a Dynamic Response.

Here’s an example. If you ask me, “Where are you from?” I could just say, “I’m from New York.”  That’s a true answer to the question, but it’s the epitome of a Short Factual Answer. There’s nothing in the answer to spark a connection.

So, instead, my Dynamic Response goes further: “I’m from a little-known street in Upper Manhattan where five generations of my family have lived since 1940. Not only that, but it’s also where Ilana’s family is from. So, we really

had a lot to talk about when we first realized that our dads grew up two streets apart and went to high school together!”

See the difference between the Short Factual Answer and the Dynamic Response? The latter one has texture. There’s history. There’s something the other person can latch onto. They might ask, “Really, five generations? What was that like?” and now we’re in a conversation, not an interview.

The best Dynamic Responses have depth and detail. They include the factual answer; yes, but then add something emotional, personal, or surprising. That’s what keeps the conversation moving, building energy and momentum along the way.

Practicing your dynamic responses

Think about a question you may hear all the time, like: “What do you like to do for fun?”

Most people fall into one of two traps when they’re responding.

One trap is that they answer it literally: “I like video games.”

“I like reading.” “I like cooking.”

A second trap, they answer it with a list: “I like anime, superheroes, car racing, football, going out to dinner, long walks on the beach, and throwing tennis balls to my dog, Fido.”

But imagine answering with a little more detail: “I’ve always loved reading Sci-Fi novels. A middle school teacher recommended one that really stuck with me, and ever since then, I’ve been hooked. These days, I still read a lot, and sometimes I even write short stories of my own. It’s a nice escape at the end of a long day.”

Now the other person has plenty of ways to follow up because your answer had texture, depth, and detail. It also had an air of mystery that left the listener wanting more.

What’s your favorite Sci-Fi book? What’s the book the teacher recommended? What are you writing about? Have you published it anywhere?

The conversation can go in many different directions, and with the right people, it will. So, start creating a “Mental Library” of Dynamic Responses to the most typical questions you hear, and get practicing.

How do you know it’s working?

When you start experimenting with Dynamic Responses, all you’re doing is looking for signs that the conversation is flowing. Does the other person ask more follow-up questions? Does the conversation last longer? Does it feel less awkward? Do you find yourself sharing more personal details about yourself?

If the answer to any of those is yes, you’re on the right track. Like any skill, this takes practice. Think of it like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it gets. And before long, you can be the kind of person others remember; not because of your short answers, but because of the stories

you told and the way you made them feel.

A final word

Our client BBQ reminded us of something simple but profound: People don’t connect over facts; they connect over stories.

A Short Factual Answer can end a conversation, but a Dynamic Response can open one up.

Whether you’re at a birthday party, a family gathering, a local meet-up, or a singles mingle, the ability to turn a simple question into a meaningful conversation can change everything.

So, the next time someone asks, “What do you do for fun?” resist the urge to answer in one word or a long list. Share a piece of your story. That’s where the connection begins. And if you need help, please don't hesitate to reach out to us and ask.

Jeremy and Ilana Hamburgh are friendship and dating coaches who empower autistic and neurodivergent adults to find community, form friendships, start dating, and build meaningful relationships. With Ilana's 16 years of experience as a special education teacher in New York City and Jeremy's 15 years as a social coach, their clients benefit from their depth of knowledge and an unparalleled sense of compassion.

Their cutting-edge program, Social Life 360, teaches clients how to meet new people in new places with more confidence by decoding social situations for their clients in an innovative way: They break down the complexities of social and dating strategies into formulas, diagrams, checklists, and step-by-step processes that are more intuitive for people with neurodivergent minds.

The Social Life 360 program also provides its clients with a warm, inclusive, and vibrant online community of other clients and graduates from all across the United States, and different corners of the world, so clients feel embraced on their social journey from day one.

Learn more and take their free training at MyBestSocialLife.com

Parents can schedule a complimentary family Strategy Session here.

Autistic and neurodivergent adults can schedule a complimentary family Strategy Session here.

REFLECTIONS

REFLECTIONS Non-Verbal

By Bailey Carmack

You might think it’s a quiet life.

For some, it might be. It could mean sign language, or communication devices, or genius-level thinking inside a physically limited body.

But this is not the case for us. How to explain the ways of one who can’t explain?

In our son’s world, it means babbles and giggles mixed with clapping and sniggers, sometimes moaning or groaning with no clear reason or warning.

It sometimes means keeping us from enjoying movies or conversation as he often strives to be the loudest in any location.

It is heightened emotions for those of us around, dependent on the joy or sadness of his sounds. It’s questions asked but no words come back. Are you hungry?

Are you sad?

Are you sleepy?

Why are you mad?

It’s scaring the heck out of mom and dad with shrill cries of pain that could only be bad, but pure guesswork as to what went down

and trying all that we can to fix that frown.

What are you trying to say when you babble that way? What are you thinking about when you suddenly cry out? What memory do you see that makes you laugh so suddenly?

Some nights I dream that you can suddenly speak, and in my dreams I just weep and weep with joy.

And sometimes when I wake, the tears become real, when I think of the struggles that are here still for my sweet little boy.

But love doesn’t have to be words said aloud. Love can be laughter, and safety, and making us so very proud.

I believe that he feels it every single day even if he can’t understand what we say.

Still. I’m only human.

I can’t help but wonder what all we’re missing when the missing words never come for our littlest one.

If I could peek into your beautiful brain, get a true glimpse of you, better explained, would you still seem the same?

And how much might I be changed?

Bailey Carmack is a mom, wife, and special education teacher living in the DFW area. She and her husband, Will, have two kids, 11-year-old Nell and nine-year-old Liam. When Liam was 10 months old, they found out that he has a rare chromosome abnormality called 18 p deletion and had no idea what his future might look like. Now, at age nine, Liam’s diagnosis shows itself in multiple ways, including being non-verbal, intellectually disabled, and severe ADHD. Despite the challenges their family has, Bailey, Will, and Nell love caring for Liam and teaching others about him, as well as what it’s like to be in his life, to help raise awareness and garner support for families like theirs.

JJENNIFER'S JAM

Just Because I Could Do It Yesterday Does Not Mean I Can Do It Today

By Jennifer McAvoy, MEd

ust because I could do it yesterday does not mean I can do it today. I may have been able to express my thoughts earlier, but that does not guarantee I will be able to continue doing so throughout the day. My abilities fluctuate, sometimes wildly, from day to day and moment to moment. As an adult who is on the autism spectrum, I have not “outgrown” my need for accommodations. Quite the opposite, I have “grown in” to an understanding of how to best utilize accommodations in both my personal and professional life.

I think there is a misconception that utilizing accommodations is a sign of a shortcoming. The need for additional resources is due to some type of deficiency within the individual, for which compensation is needed in the form of an accommodation. I hope the information presented here will help break down that misconception and offer the reader confidence in their approach to accommodations.

To approach accommodations with confidence is to do so without regret. I think Dr. Stephen Hawking provided an excellent narrative on strength vs. barrier when he imparted the following advice: “My advice to other disabled people would be, concentrate on the things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with.”

To not regret the areas in which we struggle, what an amazing thought. Still, for me, it has been incredibly difficult to do. When there is an identified barrier, it is absolutely a sign of strength to be able to ask for the support needed. It is an act of independence and self-awareness to advocate for what one needs, unapologetically. My brain sometimes protests the notion that there is strength in identifying one’s weakness, but in truth, when I can identify the areas in which I benefit most from support, new levels of independence can be obtained.

One of my favorite TV shows is Love on the Spectrum. In one particular episode, Pari, a main character in Season 3, asserts

that she is "unapologetically autistic.” I absolutely love this statement; with pure joy, I will follow in the footsteps of Pari and proclaim myself as unapologetically autistic. I will follow the advice of Dr. Hawking and focus on my strengths, without regret, in areas where support is needed. With wise words on board, I prepare for a new chapter.

Where will this chapter lead, and what tools will I bring to accommodate myself? I find it helps to have a game plan. My general map for what accommodations may look like and how I can best secure them in future endeavors. How does one identify the areas of need in which they can most benefit from additional support? Sometimes this process takes an outside perspective. Asking individuals from your immediate living environment may be useful. My husband has been an enormous help and guide in my journey towards independence through self-awareness. With the assistance of my loved ones, I have identified three key areas in which I often benefit from having additional support and resources: communication, sensory integration, and emotion regulation.

The resources and tools one chooses to employ are a personal choice. I hope by sharing some of the strategies I utilize, others may gain an additional perspective and new ideas. I encourage readers to individualize these strategies to their specific areas of need. I sincerely hope that this article will serve as a valuable resource for others.

Communication

Communication has always been an area in which I struggle. I don’t think I am alone in that. A very valuable tool I utilize regularly is a communication board. This is purely DIY and ever-evolving. I use a magnetic board as a base and have attached written statements I commonly need to communicate. By moving magnets, I am able to select a given statement. Examples include: “I am overwhelmed” and “I need a break.”

Individualization is key, and that may take time, but the result is increased confidence in navigating situations that have previously proved difficult. In community settings, I tend to rely more on those around me and our mutual use of American Sign Language (ASL).

My husband and I have many things in common, one being that we both have experience as educators. We actually met while both employed at a specialized school for exceptional learners. ASL was a common alternative used by both staff and students when verbal communication was a challenge. Both my husband and I learned to passionately express both approval and complete disgust from the same high school student who had mastered the art of simplified sign. This student could both call you a “smart boy” or protest with the most colorful applications of ASL. Although the use of sign language in my household is unique, it is mutually understood, and that allows it to be functional. A prime example of how individualized supports often prove the most useful.

Sensory issues

Let’s be honest, sensory issues are challenging to deal with. The best advice I can impart is to have a safe space that is tailored to your sensory needs (when possible). I live in a small space. I do not have access to a sensory room. I do have areas of my home where I feel most comfortable. A favorite chair. A quiet corner. I place objects in these areas that I can engage with to accommodate my sensory needs. Fidgets, a weighted blanket, sound-canceling headphones, essential oils for aromatherapy, anything and everything that I find comfort in. Squishmallow, oh heck yes, sign me up. If it brings me joy and meets my needs, it is perfect for my home and space.

Emotional regulation

The last area that I truly struggle with is emotional regulation. It is in this domain that I find scripts most helpful. An escape plan that I know by heart. I tend to tailor these scripts to specific situations I anticipate will include challenges. A prime example was a social mixer I was invited to as part of my volunteer work. The words “social mixer” are enough to strike terror in my heart. I need strategies to exit if I am overwhelmed and anxious, to provide myself a break to self-regulate. For me, part of emotional regulation is having a break from the stressor.

Social gatherings challenge my ability to self-regulate, as the focus on social communication exhausts my abilities in other areas. Exit plans provide the needed safety net for my overburdened system. My go-to lines that I scripted were simple but effective. Excusing myself to the restroom, or for some “air,” served as a memorized script to offer myself the opportunity, space, and time needed to self-regulate.

Summing up

Identifying the areas I benefit from with additional support has allowed me to fine-tune the resources that serve me best. It is a personal journey that will continue to evolve. I will undertake the process with confidence, understanding that by identifying my barriers, I can build new areas of strength. As I move forward in my quest to be "unapologetically autistic,” I hope to find others of the same feather. I have complete confidence I will.

When there is an identified barrier, it is absolutely a sign of strength to be able to ask for the support needed. It is an act of independence and selfawareness to advocate for what one needs, unapologetically.

SAFETY GOALS WITH NICOLE

REDUCING THE RISK OF ABUSE WITH CHILDREN WITH DISABILITY

Finding the Tools to Help a Child Cope After Being Abused

By Nicole Moehring

When a child is abused, the impact is deep and lasting, affecting the entire family. Parents often seek tools to help their child cope, heal, and feel safe again. While the journey can be overwhelming, practical, emotional, and systemic resources are available. These tools aim to help the child regain trust, rediscover strength, and rebuild hope rather than erase the trauma.

Emotional healing tools

Therapy is essential. Trauma-focused therapy helps children process and work through painful experiences. One effective method is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT), which combines coping strategies, gradual exposure, and family involvement. For younger children, Play Therapy is beneficial as it allows them to express their feelings through play, art, and storytelling, rather than just words.

Safe expression outlets matter. Art, journaling, music, and physical movement all help children release emotions they may not be able to verbalize. These are tools parents can easily support at home by providing notebooks, coloring supplies, or even a safe space to listen to calming music.

Reassurance through words is powerful. Children who have been abused often feel shame or guilt and fear they won’t be believed. It’s crucial for them to hear: “What happened was not your fault. You are safe. You are loved.” These affirmations help them begin to trust again.

Storytelling and books are healing tools. Children’s books on body safety, boundaries, and resilience remind them they are not alone. Stories offer language and imagery that can help explain what feels confusing and overwhelming. They also facilitate natural conversations between parents and children about feelings and fears.

Practical safety tools

Create routines. Establishing regular bedtimes, school schedules, and consistent caregivers can help children feel more in control and reduce anxiety. This predictability fosters a steady and reassuring environment, nurturing their emotional well-being and enabling them to thrive.

Reinforce body safety education. Children, even after abuse, benefit from knowing their rights to boundaries. Teach them it's okay to say no, that body secrets aren't safe, and they can always seek help from a trusted adult.

Work with schools. Teachers and staff are often unsure how to best support a child who has been traumatized. Creating a simple profile that outlines your child’s strengths, triggers, and calming strategies gives educators practical tools to prevent re-traumatization.

Grounding techniques for moments of crisis. Many children experience flashbacks, nightmares, or anxiety. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method helps them stay present by identifying five things they see, four things they feel, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste. A comfort item, such as a stuffed animal, can also serve as a reminder that they are safe.

Tools for parents and families

Parents need support, too. It is natural to feel guilt, anger, and helplessness. Speaking with a counselor or joining a parent support group allows you to release those emotions in a healthy way. When parents are supported, they are better able to provide stability for their child.

Respite is necessary. Caring for a child in the aftermath of abuse is exhausting. Respite services, whether through community programs or trusted family members, provide parents with an opportunity to recharge. Self-care is not a luxury; it is an essential tool for long-term caregiving.

Include siblings in healing. Brothers and sisters may feel overlooked or confused. Family therapy provides space for everyone to process their feelings and learn how to support one another. This prevents isolation and builds family resilience.

Systemic and advocacy tools

Victim compensation programs. Many states provide financial support for therapy, medical care, or transportation related to abuse cases. These programs ensure that resources are not out of reach due to cost.

Victim advocates. If the abuse case moves into the justice system, victim advocates can help families understand each step of the process, attend hearings, and ensure that the child’s voice is not lost.

The most important tool: connection

Healing happens when a child feels believed, supported, and unconditionally loved. Each bedtime story, patient hug, or moment of calm reassurance becomes a building block of resilience.

No single tool will erase the pain of abuse. But when combined, therapy, grounding strategies, body safety education, community resources, and parental love create a robust framework for healing.

Helping a child cope after abuse is a challenging journey with setbacks and deep pain. However, with loving support from parents and communities, children can learn to trust again, heal, grow stronger, and move forward with hope.

Nicole Moehring’s daughter and son, who has autism and Fragile X Syndrome, were both victims of sexual abuse. As a mother suffering through this unbelievable nightmare, Nicole witnessed extreme differences in the justice system in terms of how her daughter was believed and treated so well and how her son was not. In addition, she recognized the distinct differences in recovery, trying to find support and resources. Nicole and her daughter Maci founded Voices of Change 2018 (VOC18), a nonprofit organization, to begin making much-needed change for children with disabilities and their families.

VOC18 is a disability-led national organization piloting our groundbreaking programs in Ohio. Their mission is to reduce the risk of abuse, neglect, and exploitation of children with disabilities. By sharing their lived experiences and through collaborations with law enforcement, mental health, medical professionals, and other similar organizations, they are building a foundation of advocacy, awareness, education, resources, and support for children with disabilities and their families.

Nicole is an author of the “Evan and Gillian Say” series of books and educational resources that cover body safety, social skills, and other topics tailored for individuals with disabilities.

�� voicesofchange2018.org

�� https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B092764C52

Follow VOC18 on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Pinterest: Voices of Change2018

ALL THINGS OT Tips For Staying Happy, Regulated, and Engaged During the Holidays

By Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD

The holidays are fast approaching, and thoughts of warm gatherings with family and friends, extended meals with special holiday foods, and holiday events such as parades, religious ceremonies, and parties fill our minds, giving us a delicious sense of anticipation. However, accommodating the holidays can cause a change in many of our comfortable and familiar routines, and those shifts can be pervasive.

Physical routines, such as bedtime and mealtimes, including the types of meals and where they are served, as well as social routines involving parties and family events, can all be impacted. Additionally, changes in energy demands can occur on more occasions, requiring socialization and increased time spent away from comforting habits. School, which is usually a very predictable place with a rigid schedule, can also shift during the holidays with the addition of school assemblies, classroom festivities, and the amped-up energy with the excited chatter of classmates and the anticipation of school vacation.

Additionally, change can cause anxiety, and increased anxiety can cause one to experience quicker or more robust sensory dysregulation. Being aware of these shifts in comfortable routines and energy levels can go a long way in embedding moments of predictability and routine during times when everything seems frenetic.

First, preemptively processing the holiday season from a sensory perspective can give caregivers advanced notice

of areas that may be particularly stressful, allowing them to plan accordingly. Discussing the holidays as a whole may be too overwhelming, so analyzing separate holiday events as they appear in the calendar can be helpful in understanding the sensory implications and allow for proactive strategizing. Using the “Sensory Showdown” system (outlined in Issue 23 of Exceptional Needs Today) can be a useful tool. Reading through the following “All the Feels…” chart is another way to break down the holiday event. The “All the Feels...” visual is not exhaustive, and part of the fun of exploring is seeing others’ sensory experiences of the same event.

Using the “Energy Meter” from Autism Level UP can also be a valuable tool for evaluating one’s energy level when anticipating a specific holiday event. Dysregulation can be thought of as a mismatch between one’s energy and the energy demands of the situation, environment, or event. For example, attending a Christmas Eve church service may require a lower level of energy, which may be at odds with a child’s higher energy level because they are excited about Christmas Day and opening many gifts. The disparity of those two energy levels could potentially predict a chance of dysregulation and allow for some proactive measures, such as engaging in a heavy work sensory diet before leaving for the service.

In addition to exploring the sensory aspects of an upcoming event, engaging in a supportive sensory break, and working to equalize energy, here are some further strategies to make the holidays more enjoyable for everyone.

Keep to routines as closely as possible. In the (likely) event that a routine may be disrupted, consider fully exploring the implications of the change and providing a solution. Provide a timeline, such as when you are arriving and departing,

and keep to that schedule as much as possible. Consider the unique needs of your child. Some children appreciate knowing what is coming up weeks in advance, while other children may perseverate on an event far in the future, which can cause further stress. If it works for your family, keeping a monthly calendar can be very helpful.

Keep to familiar meal routines as closely as possible. For example, if a meal is to be eaten at a relative’s house, try exploring the menu and schedule of the meal, the people who will be there, and some solutions, such as figuring out where the child will sit at the table. Consider bringing your child’s favorite or most familiar foods or the plate, cup, and utensils they eat with at home. Being sure that your child eats a balanced diet will provide more support during busy and potentially stressful times.

Don’t get hung up on what your child wears. Wearing comfortable and familiar clothing will promote regulation. If getting “dressed up” is unavoidable, consider dress clothing made from breathable and flexible materials, or have the child wear comfortable clothing (such as a short-sleeved pajama top) underneath.

Be aware of your child’s social battery. Being around a lot of people or those who are less familiar can quickly drain a social battery. Having a visual of how full their battery is can help gauge whether a sensory or reset break is necessary.

When you arrive at your destination, scout out quiet places for your child to take a break. Consider bringing noisecancelling headphones or earbuds that are designed to block sounds at specific frequencies. Have your child bring a bag of familiar toys, fidgets, books, etc.

Offer periods of co-regulation with your child. If they are overwhelmed, finding a quiet place to sit and connect can bring down anxiety and dysregulation. Additionally, studies show that bringing your body into midline is an excellent sensory reset, so bringing the palms together at the heart center and firmly pressing them may be helpful in returning to regulation.

Do not add a layer of stress to your (or your child’s) plate by feeling compelled to “explain” your child to relatives and friends. Older relatives may not have a neuroaffirming lens when looking at your child’s needs. Rest assured, you know your child best!

Preparing for the holiday can pave the way for an enjoyable time for all.

All

The Feels at the Holidays

Vision: Bright lights, lots of colors from holiday decorations, crowds of people

Hearing: Holiday music, people singing, bells ringing, conversations, intermittent loud bursts of laughter, high-pitched voices

Touch: Itchy clothing, clothing that you don’t usually wear, people hugging you, hard benches (such as a pew in a house of worship)

Smell: Burning scents from candles, sharp pine scent from wreaths and trees, scents from baking special holiday foods, perfume from family members

Taste: Meals or snacks that you don’t usually eat. Does anxiety or excitement leave a weird taste in your mouth?

Proprioception (sensation from your joints): Standing for long periods of time or kneeling during holiday ceremonies, and feedback from people sitting close to you

Vestibular (input that maintains balance and equilibrium): Bright or flickering colors could make you dizzy,

Interoception: (sensation from your soft tissues that are crucial in maintaining sensory and emotional regulation): Unsettled feelings of anxiety due to the disruption of everyday routines, internal feelings of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, restlessness due to being bored during holiday celebrations

If all of the above senses are decreased/ compromised/overwhelmed, especially interoception, then a meltdown can occur without overt notice

Laura A. Ryan, OT, OTR, OTD, is an occupational therapist who grew up on a large horse farm in Massachusetts. She has been practicing for over 30 years and has been using hippotherapy as a treatment tool since 2001. She enjoys seeing the happiness and progress each person has achieved through the therapeutic impact of the horse. Laura has also developed a program for breast cancer rehabilitation using therapeutic input from the horse.

✉ hooves4healingot@gmail.com

Today, I observed a young boy, perhaps 10 years old, holding a vehicle license plate in one hand as he entered the coffee shop with his father. He walked on his tiptoes. He circled the front area a few times and then gave his dad a long hug. I had this feeling he was a kiddo on the autism spectrum or with some form of neurodiversity.

It is believed that transitional objects help individuals on the autism spectrum or those with high sensory sensitivities feel safe and secure as they navigate changes in their routines. They appear to reduce feelings of anxiety. So, perhaps this little guy entered and exited the coffee house with less anxiety by holding onto the California License Plate. Maybe he has a collection of license plates at home and swaps them for different transitions he makes during his day, week, or month.

This would be similar to Tina, a teen on the spectrum who was a student in one of my programs. When Tina was allowed to secure a tiny piece of dust between her fingers, she could calmly change environments. I remember when she needed to wash her hands, how she gently placed this very tiny piece of dust on the sink, near the faucet, washed her hands, dried them, picked up this transitional object

Using Transitional Objects to Calm and Engage People on the

Autism

Spectrum

By Karen Kaplan, MS

It is believed that transitional objects help individuals on the autism spectrum or those with high sensory sensitivities feel safe and secure as they navigate changes in their routines.

again, and moved on. If she lost the dust, she needed to find another piece before moving forward in her day.

I am sure we have all seen little toddlers carrying their soft baby blankets around with them from inside the car to outside and back again. I remember my nephew carrying a piece of his security blanket in his pocket during stressful times after his toddler years were over. I wonder if you might

wear a flexible bracelet on one of your wrists and if you tug on it or rub it during restless moments as you move through your day?

Transitions, or changes in routine, can produce anxiety, confusion, and frustration, and finding some type of transition object for an individual to hold can help bring calm and comfort.

Some examples of transition items:

Stuffed animals: Familiar textures and scents evoke a sense of comfort. Soft, cuddly objects offer emotional comfort and can serve as a familiar presence in unfamiliar situations and can be beneficial for individuals on the autism spectrum.

Visual supports: Photos or drawings, such as a picture of the next activity, can help prepare individuals for what is coming next.

Fidget toys, action toys and figures, and sensory tools: Small, portable items can offer a comforting distraction during times of transition. Many individuals with autism have intense interests in specific topics. Objects related to these interests, such as a toy train, a dinosaur figure, a superhero, or a space-themed item, might provide comfort.

Weighted blankets and specific types of clothing: The deep pressure stimulation provided by weighted items may have a calming effect on the nervous system. Weighted blankets, vests, and lap pads are commonly used.

Technological devices: Tablets, smartphones, and other electronic devices can serve as comfort items, offering a predictable and controllable environment through apps, games, and digital content.

Perhaps placing a transitional object in a school backpack could help your individual feel calmer at school. Perhaps attaching a special keychain to their backpack could help. Maybe you could place something in a school binder that could be viewed or touched, to help your individual make those daily transitions easier.

When taking a vacation, consider packing a special pillow, book, musical playlist, headphones, or an iPad game to make a new place more easily accessible.

Please consider using transitional objects to make life just a little more bearable for someone with high anxiety when making transitions.

Karen Kaplan, MS, is a native San Franciscan. She completed her bachelor’s and master’s degrees in speech pathology and audiology at Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona. She minored in special education and obtained her speech therapist and special education credentials in California. Karen worked as a speech therapist for schools for 20 years before opening her own residential and education program for students with autism. She worked in credential programs at Sacramento State University as well as UC Davis and spent 20 years directing private schools for those with autism and similar learning challenges.

Karen founded a non-profit, Offerings, which helps cultures globally to understand those with developmental challenges. For seven years, she founded and facilitated an autism lecture series and resource fair in Northern California. Karen still facilitates an annual Autism Awesomeness event. She is currently consulting and helping families, schools, and centers for children, teens, and adults. Karen has authored three books: Reach Me Teach Me: A Public School Program for the Autistic Child; A Handbook for Teachers and Administrators, On the Yellow Brick Road: My Search for Home and Hope for the Child with Autism, and Typewriting to Heaven…and Back: Conversations with My Dad on Death, Afterlife and Living (which is not about autism but about having important conversations with those we love).

�� karenkaplanasd.com

Creating a Personal Compass Through Person-Centered Plans

By Jagmeet Sangha, BCBA

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s a question so many kids hear, but too many young people with disabilities never do. Instead of dreams and goals, they’re often met with assumptions about what they can’t do and how much help they’ll need to get through daily life. While providing necessary services and accommodations is essential, we also need to think bigger about what’s possible for individuals who experience the world differently.

A Person-Centered Plan (PCP) can help. It’s a simple yet powerful idea: every person, regardless of their abilities, should have a genuine say in shaping their own life. A PCP outlines what is important to the individual, their future goals, and the support they may need to achieve them.

In California, Regional Centers provide support and services to individuals with developmental disabilities

and their families. They can help people and their support teams create PCPs and connect them with the resources, programs, and community opportunities they need to make those plans a reality.

Here are a few steps to help you get started, for yourself or someone you know:

It’s never too early to start a Person-Centered Plan

While it’s ideal to begin drafting a formal plan when kids reach high school (around ages 14–16) to help them prepare for adulthood, the necessary skill sets take time to build. Encouraging children to think about these ideas early on gives them valuable practice. Focus on skills such as making choices, advocating for their own needs, having a voice in their daily routines, and helping them identify their strengths and interests.

The Person-Centered Plan should reflect the individual’s voice and vision

Ask meaningful questions: What do they enjoy? What matters most to them? What dreams or goals do they want to reach? What are their unique strengths? Where might they need guidance or assistance to achieve those goals? Answering these questions can be challenging for someone who hasn’t been encouraged to reflect on them before. Taking the time to get to know the person’s routines, interests, and daily activities provides a foundation to help them begin thinking more deeply about these important topics.

Examine the environment

Work with the person to identify the important elements in their environment: the people they trust, the places they frequent, and the resources available to them. By understanding their environment, the person can better connect the dots between their goals and real-world possibilities. For example, knowing which community centers, employers, or social groups they already feel comfortable with can open doors to employment, training, or social activities that align with their interests. Recognizing trusted relationships also provides a foundation of encouragement and assistance as they pursue new experiences.

Keep it visible and alive

A good plan is more than just paperwork; it’s a dynamic tool that should be reviewed regularly and updated as needed. Keeping it in a visible place and incorporating pictures, colors, or other personalized elements makes it both meaningful and engaging for the individual.

Final thought

Imagine the possibilities when we empower every person, regardless of ability, to envision what’s possible, make their own choices, and lead their own lives through creating this personal compass.

I work with clients of all ages to help create these plans. If I can be of assistance to you or someone you know, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Jagmeet Kaur Sangha, BCBA, is a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. For over a decade, Jagmeet has worked in homes and schools, providing applied behavior analysis (ABA) services to children, supporting educators, and offering parent training consultations to caregivers. She is invested in educating the community and helping families and individuals receive top-quality behavior intervention services. Jagmeet uses the science of ABA to promote well-being and advance individuals, organizations, and society through connection, education, and behavior science. Her organization, Behavior Pivot Consulting, works with employees and employers to create neuro-inclusive communities within the workplace by focusing on identifying and building on individual strengths, promoting self-advocacy, and offering person-centered solutions related to workplace wellness. �� behaviorpivot.com ✉ info@behaviorpivot.com

Idon’t think anyone thinks about special education or group homes when expecting a child. My husband, Dan, and I didn’t. Not even when the official diagnosis of autism was made when our son, Carter, was two and a half years old.

We were naive and uneducated when it came to the diagnosis. Even when Carter lost the few words he had, we had no idea he might never speak again. We took our speech and occupational therapy (OT) referrals and proceeded with our plans, believing that after therapy and early intervention, he would “catch up” and start school on time with his peers.

Instead, we found ourselves deep into special education, speech, and OT, and realized our life plan for Carter was not what we dreamed it would be. We eventually accepted that he would probably stay in school beyond high school and attend a transition program. We also assumed he would live with us at home indefinitely. We could convert our basement into a small apartment, he could attend a day program, and we would hire help if needed. Looking back, I now see how difficult it would be to accomplish due to the never-ending shortage of caretakers and available programs.

NavigatingMy AutisticSon’s Transitiontoa GroupHome

ByGinaSchaal

Carter is learning and experiencing so much more than Dan and I could provide on our own.

The other residents and the staff have become his second family.

When Carter was about 12 years old, I read something written by a non-verbal autistic adult that shifted my view of his life moving forward. I wish I could remember where or who wrote it, but the part that caught my attention was when they shared about wanting to move out of their parents’ house just as their siblings and peers did. Even though they knew they couldn’t live independently, they yearned for freedom and the experience of being away from their parents. After reading this, I realized I had never looked at Carter’s future through his eyes. I was so focused on keeping him safe and providing everything he needed that I never really thought about what he might want for his future.

I tucked this idea away, as he was only 12, and thought, maybe when he’s in his mid-20s, we’ll think about a group home. In the meantime, puberty started, and things got tough. When Carter was 14, he began self-harming, mainly hitting his head against walls, door frames, or the floor. When we intervened, he would get agitated and aggressive.

The year 2020 brought the COVID-19 pandemic and was one of our hardest years. After a disruption in his school routine and being unable to visit his favorite places in public, Carter’s emotions turned to sadness, lethargy, and frustration. Even after he was able to return to his therapy center sporadically, his routine was so off that it was hard to motivate him for anything. I think he was depressed.

After two years of unstructured and unpredictable days, I discovered a respite program through a friend. I immediately inquired about it. Carter had attended an autism overnight camp for five nights in 2019, and he loved it, so even though this wasn’t “camp,” we gave it a chance. By the time our weekend came to drop him off, we were nervous, anxious, exhausted, and a bit sad. But we had to try. Carter stayed for four nights, and he loved it.

He was able to visit the respite house once every four to five weeks and continued for about a year. We noticed how relaxed and content Carter was when at respite, and he really enjoyed going. I would often wonder why he did so well there, but still struggled at home. It’s hard not to take it personally. But that article was always in the back of my mind. Maybe he needed that independence and a break from us. I mean, what teen, autism or not, wants to be with their parents 24/7?

Due to the ongoing staffing shortages, the short-term respite houses had to temporarily close so that staff could be reassigned to the long-term respite houses. We eventually requested to be added to the list for long-term respite. It’s hard to admit that Dan and I were struggling mentally, emotionally, and were just plain exhausted. We love Carter more than anything, but the amount of 24/7 care he needed took a toll. A few months later, an opening became available for Carter at a house where he could stay for six weeks. It was during that time that we knew we needed to start looking for a group home.

Our social worker explained the process and the type of home we needed to look for. It took me a week to even type in the first website I was given. When I finally did, I looked briefly, then closed my computer. As tears welled in my eyes, I questioned if we were doing the right thing. I knew it was going to be a long process, though, so we couldn’t put off the search any longer. I rallied and dove in.

Soon after I started searching, the house manager at the respite house directed us to the place Carter currently lives. After visiting, we knew it would be a perfect fit. The respite staff took Carter to the house for a few visits to see how he liked it. He did well on the visits, and the other residents responded well to him. After much paperwork and several meetings, we were eventually given a move-in date.

While on this journey, we were as honest as possible with Carter as we visited his home and prepared him for the move. He understands a great deal more than we give him credit for, and we didn’t want him to feel bad. I told him that kids grow up and eventually move out of their parents’ house, and that this house was a place he could continue to grow and have independence from Mom and Dad. He knew we loved him, and we would see him regularly.

Carter quickly adapted and adjusted to the house. Much quicker than Dan and I did. Carter is a social kid, so we were happy to learn that he spent a fair amount of time in the common area of the house, and he knows to go to his room when he needs alone, quiet time. We meet once a year with the state and the home, as he has four goals he works on, which include self-care, money management, medication management, and communication. All of which are tailored to his abilities. He goes on a variety of outings, sometimes solo outings of his choice and sometimes group outings.

They bake cakes, decorate, and celebrate everyone’s birthdays and holidays. He’s learning and experiencing so much more than Dan and I could provide on our own. The other residents and the staff have become his second family.

I’ve learned so much from this experience, and I continue to learn more all the time. I still deal with a roller coaster of emotions, but Dan and I are able to be “Mom and Dad” now. We are still Carter’s guardians and make all decisions related to his care, but having the weight of being a 100% caregiver lifted has been a blessing. I used to feel like I had to defend our choice to put him in a group home. Not so much with the general public, but specifically with the special needs community. I know people can be very opinionated on the topic, and I felt like I had to consistently validate how much we love him. It’s not always easy. I miss him every day, but he is so happy and loved, and that is what counts. If anything, I hope our story can calm the fears and provide some peace to those who look to follow this path.

GinaSchaal livesintheTwinCitiesareaandworksasaclinicallaboratoryscientist.Shehasbeenmarriedtoher husband,Dan,for24years.Theyhavetwosons:Carter(21),whohasseverenonverbalautismandisfinishinguphis lastyearofpublicschoolwithhopesofstartingadayprogramnextsummer,andCasey(19),whohasjuststartedhis freshmanyearattheUniversityofMinnesota.

Autism Advocacy Interrupted is more than a book it’s a wake-up call for anyone who cares about the autism community.

In today’s advocacy landscape, families often face a storm of competing voices: infighting, ego-driven agendas, and fragmented messages that do little to meet real needs. Jeanetta Bryant, both a mother and seasoned advocate, has lived through the confusion, frustration, and heartbreak this division causes. With unflinching honesty and compassion, she lifts the veil on the hidden fractures in the movement, introducing four distinct advocate types Revolutionists, Trailblazers, Mavericks, and Disruptors.

Through these portraits, Bryant invites readers to examine who they follow, why their message matters, and whether the noise is helping or hurting the very people we claim to serve. She challenges us to trade division for unity, volume for vision, and personal agendas for purpose.

This is not a call to choose sides it’s a rallying cry to rebuild the foundation of autism advocacy so that dignity, wellbeing, and future opportunity for those on the spectrum come first.

If you’re ready to reflect, engage, and make a difference, Autism Advocacy Interrupted will give you the insight, courage, and clarity to be part of lasting change.

By Heather Tournas, LCSW

Long days, lots of socialization, and more food than you can imagine. It’s the season of overstimulation, also known as the holiday season.

Last week, a parent of one of our four-year-old clients came in expressing frustration around fun events, “It’s fun! Why can’t they just have fun? Why aren’t they just happy and going along with the activities?” This usually leads to a conversation around how parents identify when their child is happy or even just content. We often see families do things because they think it will bring a sense of happiness to their child. The adults in a child’s life create a picture of what that “happiness” should look like, and when it doesn’t match their vision, they are disappointed in the child’s response. As a result, we see adults take on other emotions and sometimes even get upset at their child for not “being happy or excited.”

When working with children aged 4–6, professionals note that emotions like anger or sadness vary in intensity, from mild displays to strong reactions. At this stage, children start identifying emotions and learning appropriate ways to express them. According to Erikson, this period aligns with the initiative versus guilt stage, where children begin making independent decisions and taking responsibility (McLeod & Erikson, 2008). Preschoolers also form friendships, learn social norms, build perseverance, practice emotional regulation, and resolve conflicts independently (Jones, Greenberg, & Crowley, 2015). Positive emotions, such as happiness and excitement, likewise differ in intensity and expression.

When we think of different holiday celebrations, we think of colorful lights, music, singing, guests, and surprises. It can be easy to see these as inherently joyful. But, for many neurodiverse children, especially those who are more sensory sensitive or those who rely on routine to feel safe, all of that happiness and excitement can come in too fast, too loud, too bright, and too unpredictable.

When speaking with our clients and their parents, we often use the analogy of a balloon to help them think about developing feelings. We fill the balloon with air and watch it grow bigger and bigger. As we are thinking and planning for all these “fun things,” then picture filling up our balloon – eventually, when it gets too full, it will pop. As many of us can think in pictures and add language to that internal dialogue, we cognitively know to expect that balloon to pop and make a loud, startling noise. Yet, when working with young neurodiverse learners, how much we can put into one’s balloon varies, sometimes day to day. It is when the child experiences that pop, we may see a meltdown at a birthday party, irritability at a light show, or a shutdown while opening a gift. The reaction to the pop triggers those

By maintaining a steady and available presence, you are helping your child’s nervous system signal they are safe and not alone.

adults in the child’s life also to have a response, which is often larger than any of us would like to admit.

This is where shifting how we view these moments can make a difference. Your child isn’t being ungrateful, difficult or negative. Rather, we need to reframe this experience to understand they may be trying to cope with too much of a “good” thing. Instead, their body and brain are trying to communicate: “This is too much!”

Co-regulating with your child

Before we can help our children utilize tools to selfregulate, we first want to focus on being able to co-regulate with them. Co-regulation is the process of utilizing one’s own emotions to help regulate another. Co-regulation is defined as the continuous unfolding of individual attributes and actions that are susceptible to modification by the changing behavior and mental/emotional state of a partner. (Bornstein & Esposito, 2023). Not only does this assist with regulation, but there is also a strong emphasis on connection and trust.

When you find yourself coping with the “pop,” offer your calmness to help them find their own calm. Rather than focusing on stopping the behavior, try to focus on the connection and trust. Check in with yourself, your volume, and even how you are holding your body.

Try to utilize language with phrases such as:

• “I can see what you are feeling is really big right now. I am here with you for it.”

• “I’m noticing the room feels really loud right now. I wonder if there is a space that feels quieter around.”

• “Sometimes I feel upset when things don’t go how I thought, too.”

By maintaining a steady and available presence, you are helping your child’s nervous system signal that they are safe and not alone.

Creating visuals to give meaning to co-regulation

The more we can normalize feelings are ok to have, the more we can increase trying various strategies to help with coping with certain feelings. It is effective to have a visual to help support processing of emotions and providing ways to communicate about them. Having a visual mood meter or mood thermometers can help introduce and maintain some of these conversations. Work together to create a visual of different activities that you or your child can utilize when experiencing a bigger feeling.

Try to utilize language like:

• “When my body feels too fast, I like to take slow, deep breaths. I’m going to take three. I wonder if you would like to try with me?”

• “When your body feels ready, can you help name 10 things you can see in the room around us?”

• “I’m wondering if your body would like a break. Should we stay here or find a different space?”

When a child is more aware and confident of the tools they can try to utilize, it can help them try to manage big feelings that may come up if overloaded by changes in schedule, loud noises, and busy activity. Helping your child utilize these self-regulation tools during this busy season can help build longer-term resilience and confidence to use them during other needed times as well.

Low stimulation activities for the holiday season

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can overwhelm many adults, not to mention our children around us. Between family gatherings, holiday events, and school concerts, there are so many high-stimulation activities we and our children need to navigate. Planning some low stimulation activities when possible can help give you and your child the chance to slow your bodies and brains down.

Try to utilize some of the following suggestions or come up with your own for you and your child:

• Connect by curling up in soft blankets with a winterthemed or holiday picture book and read with soft or natural lighting.

• Print out some holiday coloring pages or decorate some paper snowflakes for a low-energy craft together.

• Enjoy some hot chocolate or warm milk and practice some controlled breathing to slowly cool off your drinks.

Whether you utilize some “at-home times” or have planned breaks before or between activities (such as a hot chocolate break before presents), all can help with the regulation of your child’s nervous system. Breaks don’t need to be associated with having done something bad. Instead, reframe breaks as something good and normal so that children feel more comfortable and confident taking them. When a child is more comfortable taking the time

for a break, they are more likely to return to the fun feeling calmer and more regulated.

Bringing it all together

This article explores the concept of reframing our understanding of the holiday season. There are certainly some beautiful things that come out of spending that time with family. However, holidays can be tough for a multitude of reasons, from changes in schedules and sensory overload to the high expectations of it being “fun” and “magical.” When talking with the parent in our initial example, we asked: “What does it mean for you to have fun?” Posing this question and giving them permission to reflect also gave them pause to think about their own state of emotion. They mentioned having feelings of happiness, calmness, and then mentioned a really important third factor: feeling safe completing the activity.

Your child is not looking for the “movie-perfect” holiday season. They need a regulated and trusted parent or

guardian to help them feel safe during this blending of chaos and excitement. Allowing yourself to take a step back and utilize co-regulation strategies to connect and build a sense of safety between you and your child can be one of the best gifts you can give them this holiday season. Let us all work together not just to survive, but to thrive this holiday season!

References

Alwaely, S. A., Yousif, N. B. A., & Mikhaylov, A. (2021). Emotional development in preschoolers and socialization. Early child development and care, 191(16), 2484-2493.

Bornstein, M.H.; Esposito, G. (20223). Coregulation: A Multilevel Approach via Biology and Behavior. Children. 10, 1323. https://doi.org/10.3390/ children10081323

McLeod, S., & Erikson, E. (2008). Psychosocial stages. Simply psychology. Jones, D. E., Greenberg, M., & Crowley, M. (2015). Early social-emotional functioning and public health: The relationship between kindergarten social competence and future wellness. American Journal of Public Health, 105(11), 2283–2290.

Heather Tournas, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a Certified Autplay Therapy Provider. She is the owner of Growing Hope & Kindness, LLC in Cheshire, CT. Heather and Dr. Abildgaard have worked together over the past four years, where Heather has been able to study and grow clinical interventions from Dr. Abildgaard.

Nature Notes

Four Seasons in Nature

By Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA

Greetings, nature friends. In this month’s column, I would like to think about all the seasons and how nature is important and fun to experience at any time of the year. Okay, so I do not get excited to think about cold, dark winters on a bright and sunny day, but nonetheless, each season does offer opportunities to experience nature’s awe. As we have four seasons, I will share four nature-focused activities to celebrate the joys of each season.

Spring

Let’s start with spring. For me, now living in a distinct four-season climate, I always equate spring with rebirth. Emerging from a long, cold, and often dark winter, when the days are far too short, the first sighting of dainty snowdrop flowers and crocuses never fails to fill my heart with delight and joy. As the days grow longer and the sun warms up, while I am out on my daily walk, I challenge myself to observe something different that wasn't apparent yesterday. It could be buds on branches, weeds popping up between the cracks in the sidewalk, the unfurling of fern fronds, a bird alighting on a tree branch, or my perennial herbs peeping up from the soil after resting for the winter. Try this in spring.

1. Starting when spring comes to your part of the world, help your child keep an “I Spy” log or journal of one nature thing they see today that was not there yesterday. It could be leaf buds, a flower, a bird, a squirrel, or a cloud.

A template might look like:

• Date, time, and weather conditions:

• I Spy:

• What color is it?

• What shape is it?

• How many do I see?

• What does it sound like?

2. When you are outside with your child, breathe deeply and take in the smells of spring. Talk about what it reminds you of, especially after a rainstorm.

3. Turn over a rock and look and see what lies beneath. Draw pictures or take photos of what you see.

4. To get ready for planting, make seed tape. You will need scissors, 1” wide x 12” long strips of newspaper, seeds, a slurry of 1 tablespoon of corn starch to 3 tablespoons of water mixed well together, and a small paintbrush.

• Cut the strips of newspaper

• Paint each strip liberally with the slurry

• While it is still wet, place seeds on the strips of paper according to the spacing directions on the seed packets. Add an extra dollop of the slurry on top of each seed. Select seeds that your child will best be able to handle- larger seeds like beans and peas are easier than lettuce seeds.

• Once dry, the seed tape can be planted in a garden. Handle the strips with care as they will be fragile!

Summer

Summer next. I recently returned from a speaking engagement in Alaska in late May, just as the days are getting long. The sun did not set until nearly 11 pm and was back up by 4 am. I had no idea how I would feel about it, but wow, I loved it! I felt energized and happy. There is so much to do in nature during the summer, and here are some suggestions for you to do with the children in your life.

1. Fill an ice cube tray partway with water and freeze. Meanwhile, harvest some mint or a lemony herb and strip the leaves off their stems. Remove the tray from the freezer and place one leaf into each ice cube compartment, and fill the rest of the way with water. Freeze and, once frozen, remove the ice cubes from the tray and place them in a glass of water, juice, or tea.

2. Counting the stars in the night sky. Websites such as A Kids Guide to Stargazing and NASA’s Night Sky Network offer fun guides and information about stargazing and the planets.

3. Use a magnifying glass (select one that works best for your child) to get up close and study insects, leaves, and rocks. What do you see?

4. If you have metal cooling racks that are no longer of much use in the kitchen, use them as a frame to weave long strands of greenery through.

Fall/Autumn

As fall approaches, attention often turns to returning to school and, for many, pumpkin spice products. I am not a fan, but the aromatic spice mix containing cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and either cloves or allspice can be invigorating. Nature-friendly autumn activities can include what I call nature transition activities.

1. If you have them in your spice collection, invite your child to smell each of the pumpkin spices and tell you if they like them and why or why not. My favorite is ginger.

2. Leaf printing and leaf crunching. While leaves are still pliable, select ones that you find on the ground and either dip them into a flat tray of tempera paint or paint them with a brush, pressing the leaf, paint side down, onto paper to create stationery or wrapping paper.

3. Harvest and dry any herbs you have grown. To dry them, take a few stems (no more than three) and tie them together. Hang them to dry in a cool, dark place, such as a closet.

4. Invite your children to help put your garden to bed, which may involve gathering up the plant stems and bringing them to the compost bin or yard refuse bags, collecting seeds and placing them in labeled bags or containers, and shredding and placing leaves over the plants for a cozy winter blanket.

Winter

And now for winter, when for many folks, nature is often viewed from a window or brought inside. I have been working hard to elevate my nature connections in winter, as it is the time I miss it most.

1. Use your dried herbs to make sachets or cook or bake with them. You can find simple herb recipes on sites such as Baketivity.

2. Track the daily sunset and sunrise beginning on the winter solstice until spring returns. When do you notice the days getting longer?

3. I Spy again! On a walk or looking through a window, what can your child see?

• Date and time and weather conditions:

• I Spy:

• What color is it?

• What shape is it?

• How many do I see?

• What does it sound like?

4. Make rain sticks from sturdy paper towels or toilet paper rolls. Secure one end with heavy-duty tape. Place a couple of tablespoons of dried beans, corn, and/or rice into the tube. Secure the other end and decorate with markers or stickers if desired. Shake away the snow and dream of spring rain!

I have been working hard to elevate my nature connections in winter as it is the time I miss it most.

Amy Wagenfeld, PhD, OTR/L, SCEM, EDAC, FAOTA, is Principal of Amy Wagenfeld | Design and Lecturer in the PostProfessional Occupational Therapy Doctoral Program at Boston University. She is a Fellow of the American Occupational Therapy Association and the Center for Health Systems and Design at Texas A&M University and holds evidencebased design accreditation and certification (EDAC) through the Center for Health Design, specialty certification in environmental modifications (SCEM) through the American Occupational Therapy Association, and certification in healthcare garden design through the Chicago Botanical Garden. Amy presents and publishes widely on topics relating to access to nature and is co-author of the award-winning book Therapeutic Gardens: Design for Healing Spaces, published by Timber Press. When not designing gardens, researching, or developing garden and nature programs, Amy can be found happily digging in the dirt. �� amywagenfelddesign.com �� workjournal.org/nurture-through-nature

✉ amy@amywagenfelddesign.com

KATE MAKES IT GREAT! Connection, Understanding, and Celebration When There Are Special Needs

By Kate C. Wilde

Hello! To parents, caregivers, siblings, aunts, grandparents, teachers, and professionals, I am excited, as always, to read your questions, hear your concerns, and attempt to bring clarity, hope, and light to your situations. I thought it would be interesting to look at each of the below questions through the lens of Connection, Understanding, and Celebration. When we do that, a path opens for healing and forward movement.

Ralph from Manchester, UK asks:

“My autistic son is 16 and takes forever to brush his teeth. I have given him a timer to use, talked to him about it, and knocked on the door when I think he should be finished, but nothing works. He can take up to 45 minutes sometimes. How can I get him to speed up?”

Ralph, thank you for this great question. Slowness in the bathroom is a common issue that parents face with their loved ones on the spectrum.

Connection: Connecting is about first accepting and embracing what is. It is hard to truly connect with someone when we are judging what they are doing, or “needing” them to be different for us to be comfortable. I recommend letting him brush his teeth for 45 minutes and not urging him to go faster. This will help alleviate any anxiety he may be feeling about you, allowing him to move faster. Anxiety often repels connection. To help you let go of the “need” for him to move faster, remind yourself of this phrase: “Connection creates learning. The more I am connected with where my child is right now, the more opportunities we will have to grow and learn together in the future.”

Understanding: Rushing is like Kryptonite to our loved ones

on the spectrum. I was doing a session with a 23-year-old autistic man who put it quite concisely. He said, “Kate, the energy of rushing is the most horrific feeling for me. When I feel rushed, it is like a ton of weights slams into me, and it leaves me paralyzed.” While we can't know exactly how your teen feels, I've frequently noticed that rushing an autistic child often leads to meltdowns and is usually ineffective. If we come from this understanding, I think we have a good starting point to help him speed up in a way that is productive instead of counterproductive.

Actions to take from this understanding:

• Let him know that he has a full 45 minutes to brush his teeth. Add this into your daily schedule so that neither he nor you feel the need to hurry him.

• Let him know he does not have to take all that time. If he finishes early, he can come out and use the extra time to participate in an activity he really enjoys before school. Suggest something that he is highly motivated for. This way, he has all the time he needs and a motivation to do it quicker if he wishes.

Celebration: Everyone loves it when they are celebrated in a sincere, real, and loving way. Let’s make sure his toothbrushing skills and habits are super celebrated:

• Celebrate him for the time he took to clean his teeth. If it took him 45 minutes, celebrate him for taking 45 minutes. If it took 27, 15, 44, or even 46 minutes, celebrate the time. Help him feel good about what is happening.

• Celebrate him for having good minty breath. Or having super clean teeth.

• Give him a super celebration anytime he does it under 45 minutes. Point out to him how he now has extra time to participate in the other activities he enjoys. This celebration will make the whole experience joyful and not rushed.

Carmelita from the Philippines asks:

“My three-year-old son Angelo bites me. I don’t understand why he does this. He often bites me while he is hugging me. He also does something quite strange; he presses his chin into my face. He does this very hard and, although he is only three, it does hurt quite a lot. Please help.”

Hi Carmelita, thank you for your question. You have excellent observation skills! I have worked with many small children who do the very same things as your son. It is unusual, but there is a reason behind it and a way you can help him.

Connection: Angelo wants to be close to you; he is hugging you and pressing his chin into you. This closeness shows that he trusts you and sees you as a person with whom he can be near without fear. This is a beautiful thing. Connect to this part of what he is doing and celebrate yourself for creating this close bond with him.

Understanding: The fact that he bites you when he hugs you and presses his chin into your face means he is trying to give himself a sensory outlet. It is important that you understand he is not trying to hurt you. It does not mean that you have done anything wrong, or that he is mean. You have not specifically stated that Angelo is autistic, but autistic people have different body sensations and sensory needs; these two behaviors are a cry for help. The help he is looking for from you is deep pressure. Right now, he is getting the deep pressure from pushing his chin into you and biting you. Both actions give him immediate sensory relief.

From this understanding, here are some actions you can take:

• When he wants a hug, offer him a deep squeeze. Cup your hand underneath his chin and put your other hand on the top of his head and squeeze them both together. This way, you are giving him the pressure he is seeking

in a way that is more comfortable for you (instead of biting or “chinning” you).

• I would suggest you give him deep pressure squeezes on his hand and feet, too.

• Give him these types of deep pressure squeezes throughout the day. That way, the pressure won’t build up in his body, and he won’t feel the need to bite or chin you.

Celebration: Celebrate him each time he:

• Hugs you without biting you.

• Shows you he wants you to squeeze his head/chin or hand/feet by giving you his hands, feet or head to squeeze.

• Celebrate every time he touches you gently.

Whatever your questions may be, I hope that looking at it through the lens of connection, understanding, and celebration will help you brainstorm a loving way to move forward with you and your child.

See you in the next issue.

Kate C. Wilde has spent the past 30 years working with children and adults on the autism spectrum and their families, as well as with therapists, educators, and schools. She is the author of the acclaimed books Autism Abracadabra: Seven Magic Ingredients to Help Develop Your Child's Interactive Attention Span, Autistic Logistics: A Parent's Guide to Tackling Bedtime, Toilet Training, Tantrums, Hitting, and Other Everyday Challenges, and The Autism Language Launcher: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Child Turn Sounds and Words into Simple Conversations, and is renowned for the well-attended courses she teaches throughout the U.S., Europe, and Asia. Her YouTube autism quick-tip videos, delivered with her trademark infectious enthusiasm, have garnered a worldwide following. �� www.katecwilde.com �� www.safetoconnectapproach.com

EXPLORING PERSONAL POWER

What Does Personal Power Mean for Children with Different Abilities?

By Yasmine White, MT-BC, VMT

Yasmine White, CEO and Founder of Voices Together and creator of the Voices Music Therapy Model, discusses how we can provide children with a safe space to explore their innate power and place in the world.

The moment an eight-year-old child says their first word while singing a song. The moment when a five-year-old tells you how they feel for the first time. That moment when a non-speaking 12-year-old makes an important choice by pointing or using an assistive device to express their thoughts.

It is these instances when we are able to reach outside of ourselves and claim our sense of self and place in the world that we can finally feel safe to explore and discover the confidence that motivates us in the moment. These vignettes in a child’s journey of self-discovery aren’t things we can take lightly, but things that need to be supported, guided, nurtured, and celebrated.

In my 30+ years as a music therapist working with individuals across the autism spectrum, I've witnessed countless moments of transformation. Yet, perhaps none more profound than when an individual discovers their personal power. At Voices Together, personal power isn't just a concept—it's the foundation of everything we do. But what exactly does it mean?

Personal Power: The Journey to Self-Esteem, Self-Awareness, and Self-Determination

Personal power exists within all of us, and it is in your child, too. It begins with the simple idea that everyone has the capacity to direct the path of their own life journey. It's that affirming feeling of "I can do this" that emerges uniquely for

When your child feels heard, they believe that what they say or want to communicate is important.

each person. It's not about control over others, but rather mastery over oneself, and the agency to make choices, express needs, and navigate the world on one's own terms.

Self-esteem

So, when do we feel motivated to change things for ourselves? When do we feel motivated to grow? The answer is: when we feel successful, and when we are fully grounded in our identity.

Self-esteem is essential in shaping all of our lives and is a critical component of personal power. For example, a child who has difficulty communicating their needs or regulating their sensory system may have challenges feeling in control of their surroundings. Above all, it’s important to support the people we love. However, it’s not just any kind of support—it’s the kind that builds self-esteem that we must prioritize with children.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness relies on your child’s ability to recognize their strengths, challenges, choices, as well as the ways they manage their day-to-day life. Helping them foster

self-awareness provides them with the tools for a lifelong journey into helping themselves as they navigate new and difficult social situations and emotions.

Many children learn at an early age that negative emotions may not be accepted, and so they bury their awareness of those feelings. The problem is that emotions don’t go away when they are buried; they fester and become a reaction or behavior that is difficult for the child and the people around them.

Self-awareness can begin by helping them become cognizant of their emotions in the moment. You can help them do that by asking how they feel and suggesting different emotions that they might be experiencing. Helping them identify how they tend to react or respond to something enjoyable or not-so-enjoyable can help a child recognize what they are feeling. With support, they can then learn to connect their emotions to the situations they’re in (e.g., “I get nervous when it’s loud.”)

Self-determination

Self-determination is the nurturing of autonomy, confidence, and decision-making. Confidence, above all else, is an essential element. Helping your child identify what they enjoy and excel at can mean asking or using visual supports, hands-on activities, or storytelling elements to uncover their passions. This builds intrinsic motivation—a key driver of self-determination.

A radical assumption of competence

Perhaps most revolutionary is our fundamental belief in assuming competency. Too often, neurodivergent individuals are defined by what they cannot do. In our music therapy model, Voices, we begin with the assumption that each person has boundless capacity for innate growth, selfexpression, and self-determination.

This assumption shifts everything; when we truly believe in someone's potential, we create space for them to believe

in themselves. We witness the liberation of self-concept as individuals shed limiting narratives and discover their own potential. This assumption and practice naturally support self-advocacy; as children grow, they gradually learn to ask for accommodations or explain their needs, such as extra time or sensory tools.

A Few Important Tools:

• Listening is key. When your child feels heard, they believe that what they say or want to communicate is important.

• Validating your child's feelings. Positive validation is the key to building their self-esteem and self-awareness. They need to feel that you see them and understand their feelings, even if they are complex ones.

• Notice their successes and verbalize them. A big success might look like your child being willing to share when they are having a difficult time.

• Ask them what they are good at. It’s usually the things that they feel successful at doing. This is a great reinforcement.

• Recognizing strengths and challenges. Encouraging a child to communicate when they need help or want to express a thought such as “I need help tying my shoes,” or “I’m really good at puzzles” can show that they are beginning to understand their own abilities and limitations. Whether this is communicated verbally or nonverbally, those are great moments to acknowledge and validate to encourage future expression of needs and preferences.

• Awareness of impact on others. Noticing how their actions affect others is a big step towards selfawareness, such as saying “sorry” after hurting someone or recognizing when a peer is upset.

• Set meaningful goals. This could mean starting with small, achievable goals that matter most to the child (e.g., choosing their outfit, completing a puzzle). Sometimes, it may be helpful to use goal-setting tools— think, visual charts or timelines—to bring abstract ideas to life. Breaking down goals into manageable steps is always helpful so that tasks are smaller, but are always rooted in the child’s preferred activities.

Understanding and owning the art of choice is important to

a child’s journey to understanding and future advocacy. Let your child make decisions daily: what to eat, what activity to do, or which book to read. Each of these steps build a very specific and important kind of confidence in a child and open the path naturally for future self-advocacy.

The ripple effect of personal power

Personal power doesn't exist in isolation. When your child discovers their voice and agency, it transforms not just their lives but the dynamics in your family, as well as their experiences of deeper connection in general. In school, they are able to advocate for themselves and others in impactful ways, leading them towards the path of increased opportunity in their future.

When your child is able to make a decision about their lives, they are becoming their best selves and embracing their personal power. In a Voices music therapy session, our vision is a world where every person is seen, validated, and has equal opportunity to live a self-fulfilled life. Personal power is the engine that drives us toward this vision. What does personal power mean to you?

Yasmine White, MT-BC, VMT, is the CEO & Founder of Voices Together, as well as an author and songwriter with over 30 years of experience in the field of music therapy. Yasmine developed the Voices Music Therapy™ (VMT) model that the organization uses to serve thousands of people across North Carolina each year. A thought leader in the world of autism and music therapy, Yasmine is moving Voices Together forward to deliver a technology-enabled music therapy platform to reach individuals across the country. �� voicestogether.org LINKEDIN linkedin.com/in/yasmine-white-3229796/

REFLECTIONS

REFLECTIONS For the Ones Where it Doesn’t Come Easy

By Gary Shulman, MS, Ed

Perhaps I should be smiling right now?

Why do others around me laugh?

Well I guess I’ll just have to follow their lead

It’s like they’re all mice and I’m a misfit giraffe!

All these social cues don’t come easy for me

Words, sounds, smells, tastes and touch

A constant brain banging cacophony

Plagues a person like me VERY much!

All the “appropriate” societal norms

Are my daily painful bane

So forgive my inattentiveness

While I just struggle to stay sane!!

I know you feel you must label me

Autistic, Aspie, Asperger and more

How about, you just call me by my name?

Now THAT I would monumentally adore!!

Just know that I’m certainly not at all trying

To be rude, mean or treat you unkind

It’s just that this fickle brain in here

Is one helluva unique complex mind

So please when you happen to meet folks like me

Just know that for us life can be tough

The things that come so easily for you

For us, can be horrifically rough

Just give us folks more time to figure it out

Show compassion when we seem to melt down

And know that we feel, we cry, we hurt and we need

Your accepting smile not your disparaging frown

Gary Shulman, MS, Ed has spent a lifetime supporting vulnerable families and children. He began his career working with children with and without disabilities in an inclusive Head Start program in Brooklyn, NY. He then transitioned to becoming the Special Needs and Early Childhood Coordinator for the Brooklyn Children's Museum for 10 years. His passion for advocacy grew as he worked more and more with parents of children with disabilities. For over 24 years, he has advocated for the needs of these parents as the Social Services and Training Director for Resources for Children with Special Needs, Inc. in NYC. During the last years of his working life, Mr. Shulman served as a private Special Needs Consultant, conducting hundreds of training sessions throughout NYC and beyond to help parents and professionals find and access the services and systems required to facilitate maximizing the potential of their children with disabilities. Now retired in Arlington, VA, but still supporting vulnerable families, serving as an Advisory Commissioner for the Arlington Partnership for Children, Youth and Families. Gary continues his workshop presentations virtually and now also enjoys sharing the poetry that he passionately writes with the goal of leaving this world a better place one word at a time.

Can Supplemental Security Income Be Saved in a Special Needs Trust?

By Ryan F. Platt, MBA, ChFC, ChSNC, CFBS

Supplemental Security Income (SSI) is a monthly income that most adults in the USA with a disability receive to help pay bills. SSI is designed to cover basic necessities, such as rent and groceries.

For most individuals with a disability receiving SSI, and not living with family, the SSI will most likely be used for monthly expenses without any being available to save. However, if the individual with a disability is living with family or has a parttime job in which they are earning income, they may be in a position to save a portion of their SSI.

For several reasons, an individual with a disability will rarely save money in a Special Needs Trust. These include the taxation inside the special needs trust on growth, the fact that a trustee will now need to manage those savings, and the level of savings is usually not large enough to warrant a trust. Even though it is rare for an individual with a disability to save their SSI in a Special Needs Trust, it is allowable.

It is vitally important that an individual with a disability uses a First-Party Special Needs Trust, also known as a D(4) trust, to save their own money, which is a different type of trust than other family members would use to provide future financial support. Family members who are planning to provide financial support for their loved one with a disability will fund a Third-Party Supplemental Needs Trust.

The primary reason for family members to use a ThirdParty Supplemental Needs Trust is that it does not include a Medicaid Payback Provision at the end of the beneficiary with a disability’s life. This means that when their loved one with a diagnosis passes away and money remains in the Third-Party Supplemental Needs Trust, the money will be disbursed based on the wishes of the trust (most likely to other family members or a charity).

A First-Party Special Needs Trust, however, must allow Medicaid to be paid back for the cost of all the services that Medicaid provided during the lifetime of the individual with a disability before any money is disbursed to the living family members after the individual with special needs has died.

It is critical never to allow an individual with a disability to add their SSI or their earned income to an existing Third-

Party Supplemental Needs Trust because that would mean the entire value of the Third-Party Supplemental Needs Trust is susceptible to a payback to Medicaid. It is vital to never mix the money of an individual with the diagnosis and the money inside the Third-Party Supplemental Needs Trust.

There is a better way for an individual with a disability to save money, whether from SSI or from another source. It is preferable for an individual with a disability to use an ABLE account rather than a First-Party Special Needs Trust. The ABLE account will be easier to manage with less tax complexity and less cost.

ABLE accounts were designed to allow an individual with a diagnosis to build assets in excess of the government benefit maximum allowable resource limit and keep their government benefits, such as SSI. These are great accounts to use when saving smaller su.

Contact a financial advisor who specializes in serving families with special needs for more information on how to prepare for the future. The team at A Special Needs Plan is driven by their purpose of Leading Families to Independence through an ongoing, multi-generational plan. We are passionate about families confidently moving forward.

The primary reason for family members to use a Third-Party Supplemental Needs Trust is that it does not include a Medicaid Payback Provision at the end of the beneficiary with a disability’s life.

Autism Advocacy Interrupted is more than a book it’s a wake-up call for anyone who cares about the autism community.

In today’s advocacy landscape, families often face a storm of competing voices: infighting, ego-driven agendas, and fragmented messages that do little to meet real needs. Jeanetta Bryant, both a mother and seasoned advocate, has lived through the confusion, frustration, and heartbreak this division causes. With unflinching honesty and compassion, she lifts the veil on the hidden fractures in the movement, introducing four distinct advocate types Revolutionists, Trailblazers, Mavericks, and Disruptors.

Through these portraits, Bryant invites readers to examine who they follow, why their message matters, and whether the noise is helping or hurting the very people we claim to serve. She challenges us to trade division for unity, volume for vision, and personal agendas for purpose.

This is not a call to choose sides it’s a rallying cry to rebuild the foundation of autism advocacy so that dignity, wellbeing, and future opportunity for those on the spectrum come first.

If you’re ready to reflect, engage, and make a difference, Autism Advocacy Interrupted will give you the insight, courage, and clarity to be part of lasting change.