“THE NO-PANDEMIC CHALLENGE” Your last two columns and your last two podcasts were all about the pandemic. Everything everywhere is all about the pandemic right now. Can you give it a rest? For maybe a week? Could you answer some questions that aren’t about the pandemic? Any fun kink questions come in this week? I could use a break from the pandemic, Dan, and I’m not alone. Columnist’s Oeuvre Vividly Instills Dread
brain? Should I stop watching it and force myself to find other ways to come? Should I somehow find a way to embrace the kink instead? Big Belly Woes
Six years ago I roped Dr. Jesse Bering, author of Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, into answering a question from a dad who was worried about his teenage son’s sexual interest in Pokémon. (Yes, Some kink questions did come in this Pokémon.) Dad wanted to know if anyweek, COVID, and I’m happy to answer thing could done about his son’s “pathetic” them. But the pandemic does come up in sexual obsession. Bering explained that the second one, which you should feel free his kid’s kinks – that everyone’s kinks – are to skip. hardwired. “Nobody knows why some people are I have a kink/fetish that’s been giving me more prone to developing unusual patterns a lot of anxiety over the last few years. I of attraction than others,” Bering said. “But inadvertently discovered that I’m turned on whether it’s a penchant for Pokémon, feet, by big bellies, weight gain and stuffing. It’s underwear or spiders, the best available actually been there since I was a little kid, evidence suggests that some people – though I didn’t understand it until now. If it’s mostly males – have a genetic predisposirelevant, I’m a woman in my mid-20s, in a tion for being ‘sexually imprinted’ during heterosexual monogamous relationship. My development.” problem is that I have a lot of trouble getting And once our erotic imaginations have off without looking at pictures or at least seized on something, once we’ve imprinted thinking about my kink. on Pokémon characters or big bellies or I believe the common guidance is, “If it’s wrestling singlets, there’s not much we can not hurting anyone, it’s fine.” But I feel super do about it. Before we’re adults – before gross and ashamed. Neither my partner nor we hit puberty – our kinks, as Bering put it, myself is large and we both value our health are “pretty much fixed, like it or not.” and fitness. I have absolutely no desire to For all we know, the teenage boy with participate in this activity with a real person. the Pokémon fetish was completely comEvery time I finfortable with his ish masturbating, own niche sexual I feel embarrassed interests. The dad and disgusted wrote in, after all, Some part of my brain with myself. Some not the kid. (If obviously craves this kink, part of my brain you’re a 23-yearbut the rest of my brain obviously craves old Pokémon the kink, but the fetishist and your HATES it. rest of my brain dad routinely HATES it. I keep invaded your pritelling myself I will vacy when you stop, but I have were a teenager such a hard time getting off with and heaped shame you about your kinks, other porn (or without porn) that I please write in with an update!) But I have always return to it. I genuinely enjoy having heard from people who, like you, weren’t vanilla sex with my partner. I feel turned comfortable with their own kinks, BBW, on and I have fun. But I’m often not able and desperately wanted to know what to come. It sometimes makes him think he could be done. isn’t doing a good job, when in reality he’s Most sex scientists and researchers agree doing great and I’m just frustrated with with Bering: There’s really nothing you can my body. do, and masturbating to the porn that So I guess I’m wondering: Does continuing turns you on doesn’t “reinforce” your kinks. to watch belly porn reinforce the kink in my You can’t starve out your kinks by refusing 26
ORLANDO WEEKLY ● APRIL 8-14, 2020 ● orlandoweekly.com
to think (or wank) about them, BBW, and duration.) We’re as frustrated about having you can’t pray your kinks away anymore to abruptly end the physical aspect of our than I could pray my gay away. Embracing relationship as you might expect. your kinks and exploring them with other We go for (distanced) walks during the consenting adults week, we talk – or if your kinks every day and we can’t be realized jerk off in front of Once our erotic imaginations for ethical reawebcams togethsons, enjoying er – but that only have seized on something, them through solo goes so far. there’s not much we can or partnered fanI was thinking tasy play only – is about giving him do about it. the only realistic some of my worn option. panties for him to That said, some do whatever he doctors have prescribed selective serowants with. My question is tonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), aka antithis: If I were to wash my hands and depressants, to people who were uncom- be cau tious while putting together a fortable with their kinks. Those drugs don’t pervy care package, is there much of a risk selectively eradicate kinks, BBW, they cra- of spreading the virus around by doing this? ter a person’s libido. Taking SSRIs would I’m currently in good health but I know mean sacrificing the vanilla sex you enjoy that people can be infected but asymptomwith your partner on the same altar with atic, and we’re being really careful to keep the kink that stresses you out. I can’t imag- both of our households as safe as possible. ine you want to go down this route, BBW, Can the virus be spread via pussy juice? which brings us back to embracing your Very Aromatic Gift kink and coming clean with your partner. The risk you run telling a partner about your kink is no doubt at the forefront of COVID-19 hasn’t been detected in vaginal your mind, BBW, because the consequenc- fluids, VAG, so your pussy juice by itself es could be immediate, i.e. he might dump doesn’t constitute a threat. But the virus, you. But not telling your partner about which is usually transmitted through the air your kink – and leaving him to wonder why (by people with the virus coughing, sneezyou can’t get off with him but have no trou- ing or even exhaling), can survive for hours ble getting off alone – isn’t risk-free either. or days on different kinds of surfaces, If he feels inadequate, if he feels like you’re including clothes. The virus can live for hiding something from him, if he feels like up to 24 hours on cardboard, VAG, which he can’t satisfy you … he might dump you. means it’s the package, not the panties, So share your kink with your boyfriend, that are potentially a danger here. If the BBW, and kinks should always be present- last person who handled your care packed as crazy and endearing – and potentially age – think the UPS guy who dropped it on really fun – quirks, not as tragedies. You his porch – had COVID-19, your boyfriend have a thing for big bellies, BBW, you don’t could wind up exposing himself by touchhave leukemia. And you can explore your ing the box and then his face before washkinks without gaining weight or stuffing ing his hands. your partner until he does. A little big belly I think you should send him that package dirty talk could help you get off with your – but wear gloves while you pack it, don’t partner, BBW, and even the fittest person send it overnight (your scent will keep for can push their tummy out and create the a couple of days) and make sure your boyillusion of a rounded belly. Have fun! friend immediately washes his hands after opening and discarding the package. My boyfriend and I live in San Francisco, where we’ve been sheltering in place. We On the Lovecast, comedian Pete Dominick: are unfortunately unable to shelter together, savagelovecast.com which means that we cannot have physimail@savagelove.net cal contact, especially since he lives with a parent who’s at heightened risk. (It’s not an option for him to stay with me for the
