5 minute read
EXCHANGE CHALLENGING CHATS, COURAGEOUS DECISIONS
WRITERS: THOMAS FROSS AND ROBERT FROSS
Life is full of challenging conversations, especially those financial in nature.
Whether it’s budgeting with your spouse, talking to your children about spending habits or helping elderly parents deal with their estate, it takes courage and tact to successfully manage a challenging financial conversation.
The New York Times bestseller “Difficult Conversations: How to Talk About What Matters Most,” developed by researchers from the Harvard Negotiating Project, defines a difficult conversation as anything you find hard to talk about for fear of the consequences. As financial professionals, we understand how to navigate tough conversations about money; here are a few tips we’ve learned along the way:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE.
Where and when you speak with someone is as important as how you approach him or her. It can be tempting to put off a stressful conversation, but delays can heighten your emotions and increase the risk a problem will turn into a crisis. That said, avoid springing serious discussions on your family during the holidays or large family gatherings. Try to find a time and place where you can be alone and free from distractions.
CONSIDER THE PURPOSE OF YOUR CONVERSATION.
Before speaking with the other person, think about your goals for the conversation and try to focus on a few key issues you’d like to resolve. It’s also important to understand your own perspective and identify the personal baggage you’re bringing into the conversation. That can help you downplay your own emotions and focus on the other person. Ask yourself questions such as:
• What’s the purpose of this conversation?
• What’s my ideal outcome?
• What am I afraid of?
• Am I the right person to be bringing this up?
• What emotions and history are here?
Acknowledge the source of your own fears so you can explain them to the other person. For example, you might be worried your parents’ lack of estate planning might damage important family relationships, or your children’s financial mistakes might affect your own finances. Your fears and concerns are legitimate. Understanding the source of your anxiety and being able to express it constructively to the other parties may help them understand how their choices affect others.
AVOID CRITICISM AND CONFRONTATIONAL LANGUAGE.
Few things are as likely to raise someone’s defenses more quickly than outright or implied criticism. Resist the urge to criticize and focus on your goals by using compassionate and constructive dialogue. Avoid using inflammatory language such as:
• You always …
• You never
• You have to
• I can’t believe …
Sentences that start with those words can come across as accusatory and may force the other party into defending their choices. Your goal is to open up a productive conversation, rather than turn it into an argument. Try to say things such as:
• I’d like to talk to you about …
• I need your help understanding …
• Can you explain to me why …
• I’m concerned about … Can we talk about it?
TRY TO SEE THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the outcome you want, but successfully navigating a challenging conversation means you need to see past your own needs and understand where the other person is. What do they want? What are their fears and concerns? By understanding their perspective and treating them with compassion, you’re much more likely to achieve a successful outcome. Though you may be frustrated, worried or angry, take a step back and try to approach every discussion from a place of love and sensitivity.
BRING IN AN EXPERT OPINION.
Sometimes issues become too complex or emotional to handle alone. It’s very common for family members to be reluctant to discuss financial issues with one another. If your attempts to address the issue are rebuffed, it can be useful to call in an expert who can offer a neutral perspective and maintain focus on the problems you’re trying to resolve. Sometimes, just sitting down with a financial professional is enough to move the conversation back to productive territory.
Next Steps
Financial conversations can be very challenging, but they’re critical to maintaining your family’s financial wellbeing. We hope we’ve provided some tools and the courage to have one of those talks that you’ve been putting off.
As financial professionals, we frequently have to engage in tough discussions about money with our clients and their family members. Often, one of the most important services we can provide is that of a neutral. If you or someone you love is struggling to navigate a difficult conversation, we urge you to reach out to us or another trusted professional.
Calendar
SEPTEMBER 4
Cancer Support Group
Diagnosis, treatment and recovery from cancer can be a time in someone’s life when he or she needs support.
1:30-3p.m. Florida Hospital Waterman Cancer Institute, Conference Room 1000, Waterman Way, Tavares.
SEPTEMBER 20
Rabies VaccinationPet Adoption
Lake County Animal Services holds rabies vaccination clinics at its shelter at 28123 County Road 561 in Tavares from 9a.m.-noon, with adoption hours from 10a.m.-4p.m.
Information: lakecountyfl. gov/adopt
SEPTEMBER 20
Trail Ride
SEPTEMBER 9
Mended Hearts Group
Mended Hearts is a nonprofit that offers the gift of hope to heart patients, their families and caregivers. Noon-1p.m. Florida Hospital Waterman, 1000 Waterman Way, Tavares.
SEPTEMBER 10
Wednesday Farmers Market
The Market Place will operate at Palmetto Plaza on the Avenue (intersection of Kensington Street, East Macdonald Avenue and Palmetto Street off East Orange Avenue).
Information: 352.483.5460.
SEPTEMBER 18
Free HIV Testing
The Lake County Health Department invites the public to take advantage of free HIV testing from 9a.m.-noon at Leesburg Community Medical Center, 1210 West Main Street, Leesburg.
Watch for white-tailed deer, black bears and wild turkeys during a guided bike ride along the grassy trails near Lake Akron in Paisley. All experience levels and ages are welcome; participants must bring their own bicycles and water. 9:30-11a.m., Ellis Acres 25302 County Road 42, Paisley.
Information: lakecountyfl. gov/parks
SEPTEMBER 20
Hats On 4 Hunger 5K
The run/jog/walk benefits Deliver the Difference’s weekend Kidspack program, which provides meals for worthy area schoolchildren. Event starts at 8a.m. along Lake-Sumter State College’s Silver Lake. $20 or $25 to preregister; $30 day of event.
Information: hatson4hunger5k.com
SEPTEMBER 21
Iron Girl Clermont Triathlon & 5K
Join the Iron Girl Team on the beautiful grounds of Waterfront Park for sprint and super sprint courses as well as a 5K, 330 Third St., Clermont. Prices vary from $35 to $125. Information: clermont@irongirl.com
SEPTEMBER 22
W.A.L.K. Amputee Support
Waterman Amputee & Limb
Loss Konnections, 6-7p.m., Mattison Conference Room B, Florida Hospital Waterman, 1000 Waterman Way, Tavares
SEPTEMBER 26
Golf Tournament
Annual event benefits the hungry and homeless on their road to a responsible life. 8:30a.m., Orange County National Golf Center, Winter Garden.
Information: 352.617.8788.
SEPTEMBER 21
5K Walk-Jog-Skip
Enjoy Harbor Hills Country Club golf course as you make the journey any way you like to benefit the Boys and Girls Clubs of Lake and Sumter Counties. Awards and activities. $25 until Sept. 20; $30 day of race. Information: harborhills. com/5k
SEPTEMBER 27
Food & WineTasting Tour
Explore the historic town of Mount Dora and drop in on some charming restaurants, quaint food shops, and local wine bistros to savor the culture and lakeside beauty. Tour departs Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays year-‘round at 2p.m. from the Mount Dora Chamber of Commerce.
The Natural Nail Spa
For a relaxing and enjoyable spa experience, try the Natural Nail Spa, a podiatrist-owned and certified modern nail lounge that maintains a pampering, relaxing atmosphere and the utmost sterilization and safety techniques. Even the nail polish bottle goes home with the client — just another step to heighten the “safe pedicure experience.”
Promoting Safety
National Night Out is a movement across the country designed to make communities safer. The City of Clermont celebrated the event at Waterfront Park. Attendees had an opportunity to meet law enforcement officers, firefighters and paramedics and listen to guest speakers. In addition, they received an up close and personal look at law enforcement and emergency vehicles.
