Editor in Chief Candy LaFlora
Editor at Large Stephen LaFlora
INSIDE THE SEPTEMBER ISSUE RESET! A NEW SEASON HAS BEGUN by Candy LaFlora
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CHANGE YOUR APPROACH AND GIVE YOUR SOUL A VACATION by Joyce Meyer
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EQUALS IN CHRIST by Taffi Dollar
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A LITTLE APPRECIATION GOES A LONG WAY by Dr. Dee Dee Freeman
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10 STEPS TO FINALLY LEAVE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP by Stephanie LaFlora Sinish
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ELEVATE YOUR LIFE by Pastor Sonjia Dickerson
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WE CAN DO THIS! by Dr. Patricia Brown
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CELEBRATE LIFE by Candy LaFlora
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COULD IT BE YOUR MOUTH? by Helen Washington
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BE BRAVE. by Ieshia Gray
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HEALTHY EATING by Tawaga Roberts
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GOODBYE SUMMER, HELLO FALL by Jasmine LaFlora Walker
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COVER PHOTO AND DESIGN David Dickerson Photography and Design MAGAZINE LAYOUT VASHTI’S creative ideas through the eyes of God...
JE’QUEN PUBLISHING INC. Copyright © 2020
RESET! A New Season
by Candy LaFlora
I can recall one of our road trips from Tulsa, OK to Chicago, IL. We were coming home for Christmas break from Rhema Bible Training Center where we were attending. As we set out for our long drive home, it began to snow. Unfortunately we weren’t aware of the forecast for this journey from the south to the north. Unplanned and unequipped we found ourselves in a snowy drive, with Stephen purposing to get us home safely. A
Are We There Yet? Have you ever been on a road trip? My husband Stephen’s motto is “A family isn’t a family until you’ve been on a road trip together.” Road trips can bring out the best and the worst in a family. If planned well; a road trip can be fun and full of amazing explorative destinations. If planned poorly or no plan at all; a road trip can become your worst nightmare, leaving you in pure agony.
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snowstorm was now approaching. I noticed many nice hotels that we could hunker down in and wait out the storm. While driving I posed the question to my husband, “Do you think we should just stop and stay at a hotel?” “No, I think we can make it home” was his reply. We continued driving and the storm began to get denser. There was virtually no visibility. Thankfully, we were low on gas and needed to stop. So, as we pulled into the gas station, I asked God to give my husband wisdom to see that it would be wise to pull over and spend the night somewhere. I also prayed that God would speak clearly and strongly to Steve so that he would obey Him immediately. Once he returned to the car from pumping gas I asked again, “Do you think we could stop and spend the night somewhere?” To my surprise my amazing husband said again, “No I believe we can make it home; we will be fine.” I thought clearly, he is delusional, and the cold is apparently affecting his thinking. So, I said softly to myself “God help me!” God did it suddenly. Our car would not start. No matter how many times he tried, it would not
turn over. Now, this gas station happened to also have a “not so nice” motel attached to it where we would spend the night. Despite the condition of our sleeping quarters, we were safe and dry. It put me in the mind of the “Bates Motel” from the Alfred Hitchcock movie. Through it all we stayed true to our wedding vows: “for better or for worse.” This was our worse! Well planned trips typically consist of realistic periods of driving and resting. It can be difficult and stressful being with a driver who refuses to stop for breaks, to stretch, look at beautiful sights; or on the other hand a driver who stops too often. Even though a journey can be long, if you start with a plan where you’ve calculated the distance, estimated the time of arrival, and included rest stops with beautiful points of interest, then you can avoid the redundant question- “Are we there yet?” This year kicked off with a huge bang! In the dawning of the spring of 2020, a virus named COVID-19 enveloped the whole world. As 2
CHANGE
Your Approach and Give Your Soul a Vacation! by Joyce Meyer
One of the most comforting scriptures in the Bible is Matthew 11:28. In this verse, Jesus tells us, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls]” (AMPC). I think it’s interesting to note here that Jesus said He would “ease and relieve and refresh” our souls, not our bodies. It sounds like He’s saying we need to give our souls a vacation.
THE INNER
AND
OUTER LIVES
We all have two lives: an inner life and an outer life. Your inner life is your soul life, which includes your mind, will and emotions. Your outer life is your physical life. And while God cares about every detail of your life, He is more concerned with your inner life than your outer life. I have found that it’s possible to give your body rest but not your soul. For example, have you ever had trouble going to sleep because you were worrying about a problem and couldn’t stop thinking about it? This kind of activity just wears us out inwardly. We can also wear our souls out with too many thoughts running on, too many decisions to make, too much talking, and too much multitasking. Worry, fear, excessive concern about what other people think and insecurity are also common reasons people are worn-out and don’t have any peace. I remember when I used to be jealous of Dave and the peace he had. I was worn-out most of the time, worrying about problems, 5
but he wasn’t. Now, we had the same problems, but while they wore me out, Dave was still peaceful and happy because he would cast his cares on God. One of his favorite scriptures is 1 Peter 5:7, which says, “Cast all your anxiety on [God] because he cares for you” (NIV). And even now, anytime someone goes to Dave with a problem, he’ll encourage them to “cast your care” and give them that scripture. It used to make me so mad when he wouldn’t get upset when I was upset, but eventually, I got to the place where I was desperate to have what he had. So I prayed and told God I would do whatever I had to do to be peaceful, and He taught me how to change my approach to life.
THE REVELATION THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
I came to realize that the world is not going to change, the devil is not going to change, and all of the people who bother me probably aren’t going to change, so I have to decide to change. In John 14:27 (AMPC), Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give…to you. …Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]” So we can be peaceful and make the decision not to be troubled, afraid, agitated and disturbed, but it won’t just happen automatically. The truth is, we won’t have peace if we don’t pursue it on purpose, because there will always be opportunities to get upset or offended about something. For example, you lose your car keys when you’re running late, or you get caught in a traffic jam, or someone at work gets the promotion you wanted, or the electric bill is higher than you expected it to be…and on and on. There can 6
“PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU; MY [OWN] PEACE I NOW GIVE… TO YOU. …
Equals= IN CHRIST
by Taffi Dollar
Since childhood, most of us have been indoctrinated with the world’s idea of what it means to be female and what it means to be male. Boys were held to a certain standard, and girls were held to a different one. These standards are actually unscriptural, and have limited both genders in all areas of their lives. God sent his Son to remove the limitations and level the playing field between men and women; and this knowledge transforms not only our marriages but all other relationships as well.
unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Genesis 1:27, 28). Dominion was to be over all creation, not over each other. Jesus came to remove the heavy yoke sin had placed on gender relations and restore equality the way he intended it. When the norm was to relegate women to second-class status, he deliberately went against the status quo by ministering to women as well as men (Luke 8:43-48; John 4:5-29; John 8:1-11), and making women a part of his ministry (Luke 8:1-3). His death and resurrection ended the war between men and women that started in the garden of Eden. “For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us; having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law of commandments contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man, so making
God wants the best for all of us, regardless of who we are. The sin that Adam and Eve committed resulted in man’s domination over woman (Genesis 3:16), and this has warped our thinking without us even being aware of it. But this was not God’s original plan; in fact, when he created Adam and Eve, he created them as equals. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said 11
peace; and that he might reconcile both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby. For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father” (Ephesians 2:14-16, 18). If this message seems far-fetched, it is because it’s radically different than what most of us have learned. We’ve been stuck in the wrong value system, and our wrong-thinking has limited God in what he can do in our lives. Many of us may have felt called to a particular task but shied away from it because we thought our gender, race, social or economic status, or other factors excluded us. But when we learn to think about ourselves the way God thinks of us, we’re freed from all limitations. Believing in what Jesus did on the cross two thousand years ago to restore equality between women and men gives us the courage to be ourselves, the way God always intended for us to be. There’s no reason to neglect his call on our lives simply because of gender, because there is no male or female in Christ (Galatians 3:28). Our faith in this empowers us and gives us the courage to change our lives, and be a life-changing example to others. —Taffi Dollar
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A Little Appreciation GoesaLongWay!
by Dr. Dee Dee Freeman
Rain, rain, go away was my cry for two days as I sat in the house in the Bahamas. I had left the snow to come to the Bahamas to handle some business, and I wanted some fun in the sun. You know we all want what we want and when we want it right, but somehow, the sun was taking longer than I anticipated. So, what do you do? I made some inside fun happen with my grandkisses and Brelyn. How many times have things not gone the way that you expected or wanted? What did you do at that moment, especially when you cannot change what’s currently happening? Life will throw things at you that you never planned for, but you have to learn how to make the best out of every moment regardless. Never let them see you sweat! I don’t know who them is, but you know what I mean. I am working hard at growing up this year. I have identified areas in my life that need work. I refuse to be in the same place next year, and I am not giving myself that long to do it, that just sounds good to say (LOL). I have learned that change is a matter of making a decision, so I have decided to be better. Moving on, so I’m sitting there in the Bahamas thinking about the goodness of God. I have four of my grandkisses with me. That night at about eleven pm, I took the oldest one, Konner, outside with me to walk around the property. We stopped periodically to enjoy the view. I looked at him and said, “God did this, and we always have to be grateful and show appreciation for His goodness towards us. Right after I finished sharing with him, Mike, my husband, face timed us, and Konner said, to him, “G, we are looking at what God has done for 16
us.” His little voice was raised to a high pitch, his eyes gleamed, and he started to leap up and down. He was so excited to share with G about the Father’s blessing that it made me excited again. I thought I was excited until I saw his reaction. I learned a powerful lesson again that night. Sometimes we get so relaxed with God’s blessings that we don’t always show appreciation like we did when we first started seeing His blessings. Have you ever given someone something, and they were so excited that you wanted to give them more? I’m not saying God is like that, but if He is anything like what He has created, and we are his creation, He is like us. My point is, don’t take anything for granted. Pause and appreciate the people and things you have in your life. I mean really appreciate it all. Not just that superficial thank you, and I love you but pray that your heart will be connected with your words. Let people feel the love and appreciation. Mike tells me at times that he doesn’t always feel appreciated for what he has provided for our family. I Thank God, he said it to me so I can make the correction. Sad to say that everyone won’t tell you how they feel, they will just walk away from you. The feeling I received from Konner’s excitement motivated me to be excited about God on another level. Don’t get me wrong, I am not tripping, and I have not walked away from my relationship with Him. We are responsible for keeping it fresh and real. I don’t want to be stale in any of my relationships, and it’s not because of what they do for me, but because I choose to be in these relationships – so, I choose to keep it fresh. Tell yourself, “KEEP IT FRESH.” Get around new Christians that are excited about Jesus. I promise it will keep you “LIT” as the young people will say. I appreciate you sisters!!
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10 STEPS TO Finally Leave A ToxiC RELATIONSHIP
by Stephanie Imani LaFlora-Sinish
point, however, where you have to decide that your happiness is more important than the irrational security of a dysfunctional situation. I’m here to tell you how I ditched my own toxic relationship. Before I could move on, I had to accept the fact that despite my positive self-image, I had allowed myself to plunge deep into a place where I did not belong. I’ve been there, so I share this list with the utmost sincerity and sensitivity.
by Stephanie Imani LaFlora
With such a passionate response to my last article, “10 Ways to Recognize a Good Guy,” I felt the need to do a followup that addressed the other side of the coin. Many women may have read the “Good Guy” list and thought, “Well, I guess it’s time I admit my man is no good.” I’d hate to leave that reader hanging, since I believe firmly in presenting solutions and not just pointing out problems.
1. SEEK GOD!
Toxic relationships inhibit peace, destroy self-confidence, and hinder your ability to make wise choices. In extreme cases, these relationships can include emotional or physical abuse. But, wherever they fall on the spectrum, all toxic relationships lead to unhappiness — and they are difficult to leave. There comes a
When you are in a toxic relationship, you usually have begun ignoring God altogether. You figure you already know what He thinks about your situation while in reality God is not burdening you or even making you feel guilty. You know all He wants to say to you right now? 19
I LOVE YOU! That’s it. Stop beating yourself up. Get in the Word and see what He really thinks about you. Remind yourself that you are beautifully and wonderfully made! It won’t feel right at first, but if you meditate on that thing, it will grow and develop. I remember what God told me when I was really in deep: “I will restore you to a point even better than you ever once were.” And He did! I would have never believed that in the thick of it, but God WILL hear your cry and He will always give you a fresh start, if you REALLY want it. 2. Reconnect with People Who Have Known You Longer It wasn’t until I started spending more time with family, that I realized something had really happened to me and the change wasn’t positive. Being around people that knew me before my corrupt relationship not only put into perspective how much I had changed, but also how awesomely happy I used to be. This was a crucial part of my process because one of the first changes that usually happens in a toxic relationship is you begin to distance yourself from friends and family. Call up an old friend, spend a day shopping with a family member you haven’t spent time with in a while. This will provide healing, although it may be uncomfortable because this is likely to bring conviction. 3. Stop Making Excuses This may be the hardest one to do. By now you’ve probably been told by a few people that your relationship is having a negative impact on your life, and you’ve probably told a few, if not all, of those people off. So, it’s certainly not going to be easy for you to swallow a few of those statements and digest them. The next time you catch yourself defending your relationship or your man, don’t! Ask yourself, if this person NEVER changes a single thing about himself, the way he treats you, or the way he treats others, will you be able to be at peace? If the answer is no, start accepting that you have to leave. 4. Have a “Me Day” In a toxic relationship, you feel completely consumed with making things better. You absolutely never consider yourself, and the guy always 20
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We Can Do This! by Dr. Pat Brown
As all parents will attest, raising children isn’t an easy process. I have faced many challenges, but raising godly children is the most important job of my life. How I raise my children will not only affect them, but also my grandchildren and every generation to come until Jesus returns. Don’t panic! We can do all things with God’s help. I am the mother of teenage twins, and I have been their sole parent since they were 3. When I was recently divorced, I would refer to myself as a single parent. Then one day, I told someone that I was a single mom, and the Holy Spirit very gently said, “Stop saying that. You are not a single parent; you have the Father, Jesus and me.” That revelation forever changed how I view myself and my children. We are so blessed, and there is nothing missing. God has been the most amazing Father, provider, protector and supplier of EVERYTHING that we need. Being the only adult in my house has given me an awesome opportunity to fall deeply in love with my Father, and I yearn for the day that I get to see Him face to face! I want to share with you some things I’ve learned that have been helpful during my parenting journey. 1. The most important thing that my mother ever taught me is that God loves me and that I am special to Him. Because of this knowledge, I have a sense of invincibility because if God is for me, who or what can be against me. This has sustained me through every phase and challenge of my life. I am passing this on to my children as well. 2. I have developed a relationship with the Holy Spirit such that I acknowledge Him as my unseen partner. Throughout the day, I consult Him about decisions I need to make, activities that my children 32
each other just because we are planning an amazing vacation in the future.”
is released in the body when grudges are held. However, endorphins are released in our bodies when we act in love. Forgiving others is more important for you than it is for the other person. So if you know you are going to get over the issue and eventually let it go, then why delay offering forgiveness? Be quick to forgive!! Time is valuable so don’t waste it on the being unforgiving because this will result in your own spiritual and perhaps emotional imprisonment.
Each day we can find special moments to enjoy. Special moments do not necessarily mean big moments. However, we can find greatness even in the little things. Taking a walk with your spouse or playing games with your kids and grandkids can be among those special moments. Shopping and hanging out with a good friend can be one of those special moments. These are all wonderful moments in life to cherish. Our families and friends are precious gifts from God. We should learn to enjoy them as much as we can in this life and learn to make those everyday moments big. Take time to call a loved one just because they came across your mind. Share your heart with your loved ones and it will bring joy and increase your life. Don’t celebrate dead things.
I prefer that people not send me flowers that I cannot smell or cards that I cannot read. It is useless to lavish me with kind words and expressions when I cannot hear them. Life Is for the Living! Make time now to enjoy the people that God has placed in your life. My husband Stephen taught me this lesson years ago in our marriage, He would say: “we shouldn’t miss great everyday moments with
Celebrate Life! 41
Imagine this painting on your wall
Minnie Watkins Art minniewatkinsart.com
312.237.0287
healed that young lady because her mother refused to confess doctor’s reports and only confessed the Word of God after we prayed believing God!
If we are not going to speak the Word of God after we pray, then there is no use in praying at all! Could it be that your mouth is negating your prayers? Could it be that the only thing that’s keeping you from having what you say you are believing God for is not that you don’t pray it’s that you don’t say? You may be praying right, but you might just be saying wrong! Decide today to put a check on your mouth and add the right saying to your praying and watch the windows of heaven open over your life!
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THE
Time IS Now!
BE BRAVE.
BE BRAVE. When we think of the word BRAVE, for whatever reason, we always think of other people. “Oh, she is so brave. Wow, he was so brave.” But no! I want you to describe yourself with that word and just be brave. So, to encourage you to remember the letters B-R-A-V-E. For B, let’s remember BE BRAVE. Be bold in your purpose. Be brave in your assignment. Be absolutely unwavering in your task, your job, whatever it is that God has given you to do. For R, REMEMBER YOU. You know… that you that was fearless; that you before he said you were worthless; that you before she said you couldn’t do it. Remember that child in you. Remember that God created you uniquely YOU. Some of us didn’t have the best garden keepers. Our parents weren’t there or were abusive. Our teachers didn’t think we could do it. Our friends had no faith. But remember we are not theirs but belong to God. God knew us before all of the junk. The moment we were created by him, he had instilled everything in us to be extraordinary. So, REMEMBER YOU. For A, ACCEPT YOUR PAST. 50
by Ieshia Gray
I didn’t say get over it. I didn’t say that what happened wasn’t wrong. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said, accept it and forgive. The biggest challenge and gift you can give yourself is to forgive and accept your past. There is more to look forward to in your present and your future, then there is looking back. Get out of that rearview mirror. Moving forward to V. Know always that VICTORY IS YOURS! You must claim it. In the face of opposition, you must demand it. When doubt creeps into your mind, you must say it to yourself over and over and over and over again. Victory is yours. And finally, E. Remember that EVERYTHING BELONGS TO GOD. Be brave during your storms. Be brave during your triumphs. Be brave through life. Your family deserves to see you BRAVE. Your children deserve to see you BRAVE. You deserve to be BRAVE. The time is NOW!
by Tawaga Roberts
What exactly is healthy eating? The numerous fads, pills, shakes, and diets on the market have made the thought of healthy eating seem extremely overwhelming. It doesn’t have to be. Simply stated, a healthy diet includes a variety of fruits and vegetables of many colors, whole grains and starches, good fats, and lean proteins. This should also include limiting the intake of salt and refined sugars. While this is true, it is also true that there is no cookie cutter plan for all to follow. There is no magical potion or chart to follow when individually establishing healthy eating habits for yourself. Healthy eating looks differently for everyone. The main goal in healthy eating is to eat less processed food and more real food. The great thing is that God has provided everything we need to live a healthy eating lifestyle. All of the vitamins and nutrients our bodies need to function properly can be found in fresh food options. 54
Eating food that is close as possible to the way God made it makes a huge difference in how your body can benefit from that particular food. For example, I enjoy eating French Fries. Potatoes are not a part of my every day intake, but when I want some, I want some. When the craving hits, a simple solution would be to open up a bag of frozen fries and throw them in some grease, toss with a little salt and pepper and enjoy, from freezer to plate in less than 10 minutes. A healthier solution would be to grab a potato, slice it up, toss with a little olive oil and put in the oven for approximately 25 minutes. The first way, greatly reduces the nutritional benefits of the potato. The second way, although it will take more time and energy, will allow you to enjoy your potato with fewer additives. I know some people cringe at the thought of potatoes and starch, but when it comes to my food I’m
more of a moderation is cool type of girl. There are so many options and do’s and don’ts out there ready and willing to confuse you so much you go right to pantry and grab a snack cake to help calm your nerves. Choosing a healthy eating lifestyle does not have to be overwhelming. Deciding which works for you can be a daunting task but the best way to choose which healthy eating habits are perfect is to first seek God and then listen! Listen to the Holy Spirit, listen to your body, and listen to the advice of your medical professionals. Below I’ve shared one of my favorite mushroom recipes that I discovered just browsing the internet. My family really enjoys eating mushrooms. They are so versatile and can be used as a great meat substitute. Mushrooms also provide a good source of iron, vitamin B, vitamin D. A few changes were made to fit my family’s preferences. Enjoy!
Stuffed Mushrooms INGREDIENTS:
1 ½ lbs Mushroom Buttons – (I prefer Baby Portobello) Oil of Choice – I prefer Olive Oil, (if you don’t do oil you could also use vegetable broth) ¼ cup Fresh Parsley – chopped 1 red bell pepper – chopped 1 small shallot – chopped 2 cloves garlic - minced ¼ cup sun dried tomatoes – chopped (I use the ones that come in the jar) ¾ cup walnuts – chopped 1 cup Spinach – chopped (Kale is a great substitute, you will just need to add it to the skillet sooner) Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder to taste 55
Directions: Remove mushroom stems and set aside. Brush mushroom caps with oil and bake for 10 minutes (place on parchment paper if not using oil). Chop the mushroom stems along with all of the other ingredients. Place about a tbsp of oil in a pan (or 2 tbsp of broth) and sautĂŠ the bell pepper, shallot, garlic, and sun dried tomatoes if not using the ones in the jar. SautĂŠ until veggies are slightly tender then add stems, walnuts, sundried tomatoes (jarred) and continue to sautĂŠ just until stems are slightly tender. Add Spinach and stir until slightly wilted. Remove from heat and fill caps. Sprinkle with chopped parsley before returning to the oven for an additional 10-15 minutes. *If using Kale, add halfway through the cooking time for the peppers, shallots, garlic*
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Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall
As the leaves begin to fall and the sun starts to set earlier, the first thought that sets in is fall by Jasmine LaFlora-Walker shopping! We’re ready to swap breezy dresses for sweaters and often feel the pressure to hit the stores. However, you likely already have pieces that will work for both seasons. Grab your pumpkin spice latte and begin to imagine new looks for less for this seasonal transition!
Tip #1 – Just Add Tights
Adding tights and even leggings to summer skirts and dresses can not only allow versatile usage of your summer clothes, but also can be a fun way to play with textures. All tights are not made equal—step outside the box and try knit versions, opaque designs and gray textured tights. Add a cute pair of boots and you’re pumpkin patch ready!
TIP #2 – STATEMENT JACKETS
80 degree weather doesn’t quite allow for jackets so take full advantage of cooler temperatures. Motorcycle style leather jackets should be a must-have in everyone’s closet—paired with summer dresses or sneakers, they’ll easily add edge to any look. Another great option is a blazer— especially for a night out on the town. Paired with your favorite heels and a slip dress, you’ll be all set! 60
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