The
Whittier Miscellany
April Fools Issue 2026 • Wilmington Friends School’s Community Newspaper • Wilmington, DE
PROM IS CANCELLED
saw that there was no money in the cash box!” This almost seems like it came straight from a movie, but normally in movies, Zoe Mooney-Doyle ‘27 Staff Writer the money has to go somewhere, and something is done with it. Well, with information from some anonymous sources, we have received news that once he devastating news for juniors and seniors just Matthew took all the money, he booked a flight straight to Vegas. came out; prom, as of now, is cancelled. The clerks of the prom The only reason a person would book a flight to Vegas is for committee made the announcement that, for confidential reathe gambling. This led to many questions, like: Did he tell anyone sons, they can not continue planning the prom. But that leaves he was doing this? Does anyone else know? Did he have any room for question, why was it cancelled? accomplices? Hopefully, with more information, those questions A rumor has spread that Matthew McKenzie ‘27, a will be answered. junior at Wilmington Friends School, was the reason the prom We do know that there must have been someone working was cancelled. Some wonder how in the world it could have with him because there is knowledge of what he did with the been because of Matthew, but it has been said that there were money in Vegas. First, he booked the Empathy Suite at the Palms many steps in his cancellation of the prom. Casino Resort, which costs $100,000 per night with a two-night The first thing Matthew did that contributed to minimum. Then, once he unpacked his suitcase, he made a rescanceling the prom was stealing the money that was gained by ervation at the Top of the World steakhouse that overlooks all of the prom committee at a fundraiser. During the most recent Vegas. He knew this was an expensive restaurant, so he went all fundraiser for prom, Matthew found a way to distract everyone in. He ordered the lobster entree and steak on the side, a little and grab the money while no one was looking. Next thing they Matthew McKenzie ‘27 back from Vegas. surf and turf. Once he was stuffed to the brim with delicious food, know, all of the money they had raised is now somehow missing. Photo: Abigail Terrell ‘27 he burned it all off at the casino and worked his magic. Lucy White ‘27, one of the clerks for the prom committee, Continued on page 3... said, “One minute we were at the table collecting money from students, then next there was this loud boom in the room over. Once everything had settled, we went back and
T
Administration Confirms: Amoeba Sisters to Replace Mrs. Norton and Mrs. Cox
A Problem with Parking: A New System to be put in Place!
Two of our favorite and tenured teachers here at WFS are soon to be replaced by the beloved, highly competent, animated YouTube stars, Pinky and Petunia Amoeba. This replacement is to be enacted in the coming school year, and has caught many students by surprise. “We feel completely blindsided by this,” stated the biology department. Mrs. Norton and Mrs. Cox were asked if they had felt betrayed. They responded, “Absolutely I feel betrayed. I start every unit with one of their videos to introduce the topic to my students,” says Cox. They were then asked if they felt that the Amoeba Sisters would make an on-par replacement for the biology department at Wilmington Friends. “Definitely not,” states Norton. “How do you expect them to run labs without hands?” One student asks if they are trained to teach the IB curriculum. Admin responds, “Yes, the Sisters have extensive knowledge of all Biology curriculums, and will absolutely be qualified to teach the IB content.” Continued on page 6...
Starting on the first of May, a new parking system will be enforced for all student drivers who use campus parking. This winter’s snowfall has highlighted Friend’s lack of parking, as much of the street parking has become inaccessible due to the frosty conditions. The spring also brings a new influx of sophomore students who can drive, only furthering the problem. Upperclassmen have experienced issues with parking when returning from off-campus free periods or arriving late to school. Anna Friel ‘26 says, “Sometimes I go off campus to get lunch, and when I return, I have to circle the parking lot for a spot. When there isn’t one, I have to find appropriate parking on the street, which can result in being late for class.” The parking shortage shouldn’t be a barrier to students’ learning, so change is necessary. This new system will be referred to as the “Odd and Even” system, which relies on the last digit of one’s license being odd or even. Each group will be scheduled on different days, where they can park in the on-campus spaces. The school’s administration has reviewed and confirmed that the number of vehicles with odd and even license plate numbers is relatively equal, allowing this system to function effectively. Students will have to resort to ride-share or being dropped off when it is not their group’s day. Friel ‘26 says, “I pass a lot of my friends’ houses on my way to school, so I could easily give them a ride some days!” If a student’s car is found parked at school on a day that’s not theirs, a warning will be issued. If the offense is recurring, the student will be sent to SDC (Student Disciplinary Committee) for further action, such as suspension. Students must comply with this new system as it is necessary for the school to run smoothly and to continue prioritizing academics. All staff will be excluded from this system, and to limit confusion, specific parking spots will be allotted for faculty only. Staff parking will be found near the Jones house, in addition to the first row of parking in front of the “Arches” entrance. All parking spaces for faculty will be marked clearly, with Mr. Neiswender noting that, “Faculty spaces will be marked with eye-catching spray paint to hopefully avoid possible confusion.” Continued on page 3...
Liza Green ‘27 Staff Writer
Mrs. Norton and Mrs. Cox with Amoeba Sisters. Photo: Chat GPT
Ellie McQuillan ‘28 Staff Writer