DAVID PIERINI/Staff Photographer
PRIDE 2014
With their children at their side, Kim Hefner and Laura Drumm seal their marriage with a kiss at a mass wedding at Unity Temple this month.
ARE GAY BARS STILL RELEVANT. PAGE A4
TAKE A LOOK AT OUR WEDDING PICTURES PAGE A6 | MESHING FAITH WITH LOVE FOR GAY SON PAGE A15 OPALGA’S VICTORIES AND ITS FUTURE PAGE A12
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
Come as you are.
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Senator Senator Senator Senator
Don Harmon Don Don Harmon Don Harmon President Pro Tempore President Pro Tempore President Pro Tempore President Pro Tempore 6933 W. North Ave. 6933 W. North Ave. 6933 W. North Ave. 6933 W. North Ave. Oak Park, IL 60302 Oak Park, IL 60302 Oak Park, IL 60302 Oak Park, IL 60302 (708) 848-2002 (708) 848-2002 (708) 848-2002 (708) 848-2002 329 Capitol Building 329 Capitol Building 329 Capitol Building 329 Capitol Building Springfield, IL 62706 Springfield, 62706 Springfield, ILIL 62706 Springfield, IL 62706 (217) 782-8176 (217) 782-8176 (217) 782-8176 (217) 782-8176 www.donharmon.org www.donharmon.org www.donharmon.org www.donharmon.org
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Representative Representative Representative Representative
Camille Lilly Camille Lilly Camille Lilly Camille Lilly 5755 W.Division Division St.St. 5755 W. Division St. 5755 W. St. 5755 W. Division Chicago, IL60651 60651 Chicago, IL 60651 Chicago, IL Chicago, IL 60651 (773) 473-7300 (773) 473-7300 (773)(773) 473-7300 473-7300 282-S Stratton 282-S Stratton 282-S Stratton 282-S Stratton Office Building Office Building Office Building Office Building Springfield, IL62706 62706 Springfield, IL 62706 Springfield, IL Springfield, IL 62706 (217) 782-6400 (217) 782-6400 (217)(217) 782-6400 782-6400 statereplilly@yahoo.com statereplilly@yahoo.com statereplilly@yahoo.com staterepcamilleylilly@gmail.com
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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The law catches up to love Four stories from a summer of weddings By DEB QUANTOCK MCCAREY Contributing Reporter In the glow that is Illinois’ legalization of same sex marriage on June 1, many blessing ceremonies, group nuptials and traditional church weddings have, or will occur, this summer for couples who are new, or long-time residents of Oak Park. Wednesday Journal recently sat with a few.
Going to the chapel
Oak Parkers Tom Gull, 54, and Tim Flesch, 56, first met singing in a Catholic church choir. Two years later, in 1988, they became a couple, and in August the two men will exchange vows, rings and favorite tunes during a traditional church wedding by an Episcopalian priest at a parish in Chicago. Tearing and cheering the longtime couple on will be a modest showing of family and friends. “The day the same sex marriage law passed the House in Illinois, I felt like a little kid,” says Gull, who does development work for a nonprofit museum. “I couldn’t work anymore that day. I was too excited. It was like the last day of school, like I could not stay in my seat.” For Tom, as the youngest of seven kids, and with him having gone to his five sisters’ weddings, as well as the nuptials for his nephews, he says “they were all happy occasions, but I always felt like I was being left out because I could never have that.” Gull says he first proposed to Tim when marriage became legal in California. Having been in a committed relationship for just over a quarter of a century now, they say their wedding will be a simple religious ceremony that renews their commitment to
each other, as well as result in a societal validation of their relationship. “We have been together for so long, and it does feel good to have the recognition by the government for this, and our family is very happy for us,” says Tim, who works in the insurance industry. “This will also entitle him to my pension, and if I need to go on his insurance, so for a lot of legal reasons this is a good thing.” The reality of holding a marriage certificate, they say won’t change anything with their immediate families, adding that over the years their moms have recognized their anniversaries with cards acknowledging their love for one another. “I am Catholic, and I didn’t want to get married on the sidewalk, in the street, or in the backyard,” says Tim. “I wish I could get married in my own church, but it’s not possible. That change will have to come from within, and we will have to be patient.”
Finally saying yes
When Jim Kelly, 67, and Bruce Broerman, 69, watched Gov. Pat Quinn sign the same sex marriage bill at the UIC Pavilion last winter, what the couple of 26 years and proud “papas” of two children and five grandchildren saw was the governor signing a paper on a desk Abraham Lincoln had used to pen one of his inaugural addresses. It was in that emotionally impactful moment that Bruce finally accepted Jim’s long-standing marriage proposal, and they began planning the small, secular ceremony that will start and end under a “party” tent in their Oak Park backyard in August. A long-time friend, who is a minister, will officiate, coaching them through the exchanging of rings and vows, with a small group of
DAVID PIERINI/Staff photographer
Tom Gull and Tim Flesch opted to take their time to plan a dream wedding for later this summer. friends and family looking on. “Bruce had been married for 13 years [to a woman], and when we started our lives together in 1988, his daughter Stephanie was finishing her junior year in high school and his son Martin was finishing sixth grade, so these kids have been part of my life, and I have been part of their lives, for a long time,” says Kelly, an involved Oak Parker who continues to contribute to the quality of life in Oak Park. Doing this now, Jim adds, will not only be a symbolic gesture, but in the moment of officially making the commitment in public, he expects it to have an emotional impact, as well as bring “a profound sense of arriving at something that had not been achieved before,” he says. In addition to the entitlements being legally married affords, get-
ting married in the traditional sense will be a public proclamation, because “I do not feel like we are riding a trend…this for me is symbolic in the highest sense,” Jim says. “When I think about all the things I want to say to Bruce, that are not different than things I have said to him before, to put it in a form of a declaration, and then receive recognition from society… what marriage is a right of passage and what it confers is recognition, status… and I want that for us.” In planning the affair, Bruce quips “well, we didn’t have to put out much for our wedding gowns,” and the couple shares a laugh. Instead, Jim and Bruce will wear matching Guayaberas Mexican wedding shirts, and exchange rings a favorite jeweler in Mexico
has crafted especially for them, while a small group of friends and family cheer them on. “Every poll indicates that the arc of history is leaning toward justice,” says Jim, “and by another generation, this will be a non issue.”
Loving that it’s legal
Elizabeth Ritzman, 59, and Cheryl Haugh, 63, initially were married by their minister at Hyde Park Union Church in Chicago in 1993. At that wedding, related to that moment in time, 40 people were invited, as same sex marriage was not yet legal, and “we were concerned about losing custody [of the children], or negatively impacting the congregations where I served as a counseling minister,” Elizabeth says. See WEDDINGS on Page 4
COVER PHOTO Section Contributors Sarah Corbin, Tom Holmes, Deb Quantock McCarey and David Pierini Digital Editor Ashley Lisenby Web Developer Mike Risher Editorial Design Manager Claire Innes Editorial Designers Jacquinete Baldwin, Sky Hatter Production Design Manager Philip Soell Advertising Design Manager Andrew Mead
Advertising Designers Maggie Acker, Debbie Becker Advertising Director Marc Stopeck Advertising Sales Dawn Ferencak, Missy Laurell Display Advertising Coordinator Alicia Plomin Editor and Publisher Dan Haley
VP/Director of Operations Andrew Johnston HOW TO REACH US Wednesday Journal, 141 S. Oak Park Ave., Oak Park, Illinois 60302 PHONE 708-524-8300 ■ FAX 708-524-0447 ONLINE www.OakPark.com www.RiverForest.com DAVID PIERINI/Staff Photographer
With their children at their side, Kim Hefner and Laura Drumm seal their marriage with a kiss at a mass wedding at Unity Temple this month.
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
Can local gay bars survive? Should they? DAVID PIERINI/Staff Photographer
The Hideaway, Nutbush and Velvet Rope. All gone.
Michael Jimenez says gay bars are an important part of the culture and hopes they do not disappear as gays and lesbians achieve more and more acceptance.
By DEB QUANTOCK MCCAREY Contributing Reporter With the dust still settling after the forced closure of Forest Park’s last gay bar, The Hideaway, 7301 W. Roosevelt Rd. in April, and in light of the earlier demise of The Nutbush, in Forest Park, and the fiery (as in arson) close of Oak Park’s Velvet Rope, bartender Mike Jimenez isn’t ready to give up the ghost yet. The former Forest Park resident now lives in Berwyn and he is looking for a local resurrection of the gay bar scene in the near west suburbs. Until then, there is still the proverbial last gay bar standing and that’s Antronio’s Bar and Grill, 6319 W. Roosevelt Rd. in Berwyn. In 2007 Entrepreneur magazine put gay bars on its list of businesses facing extinction in the next 10 years, adding “only the very best of them will survive, the others won’t.” “A big reason many of the local gay bars are gone is that they did not keep up with the times to continue drawing people in,” says Jimenez, who has bartended at the two former gay bars in Forest Park, and Cell Block in Chicago. “Hideaway and Nutbush were pretty much the only bars in Forest Park that didn’t have any windows, so as time went on the crowd there was getting older. Going into the city is far, and not drinking and driving is a factor, and Boys Town has gotten more dangerous lately. But, just opening up a dive and calling it a gay bar is not reason enough for people to come. There have been a lot of gay bars that have opened and closed in the suburbs. You really have to have some kind of niche.”
David Monterosso, 54, a former Hideaway patron, says since its closing, he and his gay friends have been enjoying Wednesday night Karaoke at Carole’s, 7307 Roosevelt Rd. in Forest Park, and patronizing Poor Phil’s in Oak Park for their Friday night get-togethers to watch sports, or relax on the patio. Even so, he would prefer going to a gay bar to meet new friends. “I think there is a lot of truth to the reality that gay couples and gay people no longer feel that they exclusively need to patronize gay bars, but the Hideaway will be somewhat missed,” says Charlie Yingling, 36. What Yingling, a nurse practitioner says
is that he often would gather at the bar to unwind after work with straight female coworkers. He acknowledges that among most gay people, including himself, there is still an internalized fear and mistrust toward others regarding how a gay person may be perceived in public, especially if a couple chooses to hold hands, or publicly display affection. “I would not be disappointed to see a new gay bar open in the Hideaway’s space,” says Yingling, who recently legally “re-married” his long-time partner in June. “I do think it would be a good thing, as yet another offering in the community for something to do on a
weekend at night that doesn’t involve driving into the city.” Yet, what Jimenez and Monterosso are hoping is that a new gay bar will emerge beyond the rumors that are circulating now. “I think there is a huge need for a gay bar out here, for a sense of community [because] things become more open, we are starting to lose a part of our identity [including] the remembrance of how we got here. For me, the gay bar is part of all that, so I don’t think it is dying, but in evolution, and between Berwyn, Oak Park and Forest Park, there is a large population of individuals who would love to see one open again.”
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
WEDDINGS
Continued from page A3
For her, as a Christian and a religious person, Elizabeth says “the legal piece of that catching up to the other is meaningful, and should have accompanied that service back then.” So, in early August, she and Cheryl, a chiropractor who has coparented her three children since then, will renew their vows in a similar, religious ceremony in Oak Park. Adding color and cute to the service will be their flower-petaltossing granddaughters, bedecked in long white princess tutu’s with pink sashes. Afterwards, a large outdoor reception with family and friends is planned. “We considered ourselves to already be in a marriage because we got married in a church by a minister, just didn’t get a certificate from the County Clerk,” Elizabeth says. Among the hundreds of entitlements they will now receive as a married couple, they say, is a break on their health insurance premium. “Cheryl is on my insurance, but I do pay more in taxes on that, than I do for the health premium for her,” Elizabeth says. “It’s about $300 for the taxes, so that will be a savings for us. We have been married for a long time now, so we are not going to get re-married. We are not going to get finally married. We are going to get our civil rights attached to our marriage.” Choosing to be upfront and honest with their children from the start, a social snag came when their daughter Sophia, then a second grader at Beye School, told a classmate she had two moms, and he reacted badly. “I called the school, and her teacher was understanding and proactive about talking to our daughter’s class about it,” says Cheryl. “Sophia’s response was to be proactive, so she brought us for show and tell. That was rough. We were scared. But from the kids we had burning questions like ‘what is your favorite color’ and ‘what is your favorite letter.’” Still, life did go on, and a big change in status for them did come. “The human story here is that we have been married for 20 years. The technical story is that we don’t have our rights until [we get legally married],” says Elizabeth. “The romantic part is an everyday thing. That has been going on from the start.” Going with Grace On June 2, in the packed sanctu-
DAVID PIERINI/Staff Photographer
Marsha Borders, left, and wife Trenace Ford dance during the reception. Ten cakes for 10 couples and each took turns having their photo taken cutting their cake. As Winston Nguyen and Mark Barrett awaited their turn, Nguyen calls someone over to watch. ary at Grace Episcopal Church in Oak Park, Bob Vogler, 62, and his life partner, Tony Dobrowolski, 62, exchanged vows during the regular church service. Residents of Oak Park for 22 years, Bob, a church organist, and Tony an actor and jewelry designer, had engaged in a commitment ceremony in 1995, afterwards poising themselves for a day they longed for, but thought would never happen. “We decided to get married as close to June 1 as possible, because June 2 was my birthday, and I figured that getting married on that day would be the best birthday present I could get, because I thought that us getting married would never be possible, and I was stubborn enough to not want to get married until it was legal where I lived.” At the wedding, which was one of the first to occur in a church in Oak Park, Tony’s stepson and his grand-
children were part of the wedding party, as “best people” and “junior best people,” he said. “We have always been active in this parish, and religion has always been part of my life,” says Bob. “Getting married in a church with a priest doing our vows was a validation, and more of a public statement than just going to the justice of the
peace.” Now, a few weeks after their wedding, Tony says he still feels like he is walking on air. “This is something people can’t take away from us, and that feels nice,” he says. Tony says they will go on a trip, or honeymoon, later in the summer, and as far as the wedding went, it
was simple and inexpensive, and did not break the bank, he jokes. “We wanted this to be about family, and celebrating the wedding, as opposed to how many thousands of dollars did we spend on a wedding and everything,” says Bob. “He’s been the one and only person I wanted to be with. Part of this is the acceptance of that.”
PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
PRIDE 2014
Celebrating a lifetime of love
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
Chicago 45th Annual Pride Parade Chicago Pride Weekend consists of a twoday festival and our world-famous parade. The two-day festival takes place along Chicago’s famed Halsted strip on Saturday, June 21, 2014 and Sunday, June 22, 2014.
Stage acts and events for the festival The parade kicks off at noon on Sunday, June 29, 2014, at Montrose Avenue and Broadway in Uptown and ends near the intersection of Diversey Parkway and Sheridan Road in Lincoln Park. Pride Month in June is the culmination of Chicago’s vibrant LGBT community. The energy in the city peaks on Pride Weekend, which falls on the last weekend of June each year in commemoration of the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. On Pride Frida and Saturday thousands will gather along Halsted for the two day festival. Stages of music, exhibitors, great food and drinks are available to enjoy. In the evening the revelers will pour into Boystown clubs and party into the wee hours of the night. On Sunday the roar of the crowd heralds the start of the Pride Parade, a dazzling cavalcade of diversity. The streets are lined 12 people deep as 750,000 people cheer the contingents on and enjoy the show, culture and experience! For the liveliest viewing spots head to the Boystown section of North Halsted Street, between Belmont Avenue and Grace Street. If you are seeking a less crowded area to view the parade, look for your viewing spots near the beginning of the route along Broadway between Montrose Avenue and Sheridan Road or further along Broadway between Belmont Avenue and Diversey Parkway. It helps to know some tips, tricks and pearls of wisdom for surviving the weekend and ensuring a fun, happy and safe stay in Chicago. And if you’re visiting just for the weekend, you might find some special offers on hotel rooms on ChicagoPride.com.
When is Chicago Pride? The Chicago Pride two-day Celebration and Parade historically takes place the final weekend in June of each year. The 2014 event, which will be the 45nd anniversary of Chicago Pride, is set to take place June 21-22.
How did Pride begin? The annual Pride Celebration commemorates the rebellion of LGBT patrons of the Stonewall Inn in New York City’s Greenwich Village in response to a routine police raid on June 27, 1969. The following year, a “GayIn” that took place on June 27, 1970 that was the early progenitor of the current Pride Celebration. Since 1972, the event has been held every year, Since its modest beginnings, Chicago Pride has grown to be one the largest and most well-known Pride events in the world. Pride has come to symbolize several things: the long history of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer dignity, the freedom of all people to meaningfully and proudly express their sexual and gender identities, and the commitment of LGBT people to combating oppression.
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Do I need a ticket to get into Pride?
There is no fee to attend the Pride Fest or watch the Parade. A voluntary donation is requested at the entry gates to Pride Fest. This donation goes back to community support programs.
Is there an age limit for entry into Chicago Pride?
The Pride Fest and Parade are open to people of all ages.
Where can I stay near Pride events?
Hundreds of thousands of people from outside Chicago come to the city for Pride each year. Find information on local lodging.
Where can I find parking?
To ease the parking and traffic congestion around the Chicago Pride Parade route, we have teamed up with Parking Panda, the nationwide leader in online parking reservations. Locations within easy walking distance to the parade route are extremely limited and expected to sell out so we recommend that purchase your Chicago Pride Parade parking passes now! Apart from Pride, Chicago is also known for its world-class public transportation system, so please consider familiarizing yourself with the CTA (for transportation within the city) and with METRA and Pace (for transportation from the suburbs into the city). To find routes from anywhere in the Chicagoland area to Pride Fest and the Parade visit transitchicago.com.
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Yes, pets are allowed, including, of course, service animals assisting people with accessibility needs. We do, however, strongly recommend leaving pets at home since both the Parade and Festival are noisy, crowded, and hot. Pets can sometimes be very startled by the crowds and sounds of Pride. In busy areas, it may be difficult to navigate with pets who will be walking on the ground given the high number of stomping feet moving through the crowd. — CHICAGOPRIDE.GOPRIDE.COM/
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
OPALGA at 25. Looking back and ahead By DEB QUANTOCK MCCAREY Contributing Reporter In 1989, at a political coffee organized to question local candidates in Oak Park about their stand on gay and lesbian issues, Mel Wilson and Nathan Linsk started something big in their small apartment on Humphrey Avenue in Oak Park. Back then, as the lead co-founders of the Oak Park Area Gay and Lesbian Association (OPALGA), Wilson, now 71, and Linsk, 65, strategically recruited a small group of gay and lesbian activists who would be unafraid to stand up and speak out in Oak Park for gay rights. Now as the group marks its 25th anniversary it is both celebrating real accomplishments and assessing its future in a changed world. “Brian Findley decided we should send a questionnaire to the candidates on what their concerns were regarding HIV, other gay rights issues, and particularly on adding nondiscriminatory language to the village’s Human Rights statement,” says Linsk, a retired University of Illinois professor. “Back when we started OPALGA, gay and lesbian people were very often invisible and OPALGA was the only real connection point, initially.” A quarter of a century later what has evolved is one of the largest communitybased, multi-purpose lesbian and gay membership organizations in Illinois. “Oak Park was not a difficult field to plow,” says Jim Kelly, another co-founder, as is his partner of 26 years, and soon-to-be husband, Bruce Broerman. “All we had to do was remind Oak Park of the ideals it had… and shift the focus to adding sexual orientation to the village’s diversity statement, which happened without much fanfare at all.” Early on, that happened, and much more. OPALGA succeeded in having the Village of Oak Park’s Human Rights Ordinance amended to bar discrimination-based on sexual orientation in employment (by village and village contractors), as well as in housing and public accommodations. The group also proposed and supported the village government in extending Domestic Partnership Benefits to same-sex partners of village employees. OPALGA successfully convinced the village board to pass the Domestic Partnership Registry for same sex couples in Oak Park, in spite of pushback, Kelly recalls. After the registry was established by the village government, opposition led by Calvary Church gathered enough signatures to place a non-binding referendum on the ballot to rescind the registry. The referendum was narrowly defeated. “At the time, Calvary Church put a nonbinding referendum on the ballot to repeal it, but we squeaked by,” says Kelly. “Now, it has become such second nature for gays and lesbians who live in Oak Park to be involved in Oak Park, as it should be for any citizen.”
DAVID PIERINI/Staff Photographer
“Until there is a point in time reached where gay people can grow into adulthood and be encouraged to function in a community responsibly — and be freely given responsibilities — there will be a need for some kind of structured organization.” Mel Wilson OPALGA co-founder
Coming of age or aging out
Even so, in recent years fewer 20 and 30 year olds have been joining this iconic social and political activist group. In part, says Broerman, its membership chair, the aging roster may be related to recent strides, including social gains, and the legalization of gay marriage. Another factor, he adds, is the reality of people juggling issues of work and family. Yet, their monthly newcomer networking potlucks are still well attended by people of all ages who are interested in that kind of social activity. “I am sure that many people perceive the organization now as a ‘why do we need it,’ and I guess my answer to that is that we still do serve a purpose,” Broerman says. Oak Parkers Charlie Yingling, 36, and his
Colette Lueck, co-chair of OPALGA and an Oak Park village trustee, appreciates the group’s focus on its scholarship program. husband joined OPALGA in 2005 to extend their social reach here. “I enjoy that we as a community have an organization that gives a face to the LGBTs in Oak Park [because] even though Oak Park is an extremely progressive and welcoming place, there are times in our situations when the voice of LGBT people needs to be heard collectively, and I believe in having that shared identity,” says the former board member. “When the marriage bill was put before the legislature last year, OPALGA chartered a bus so members could go to Springfield and lobby lawmakers, which was a lot of fun. Perhaps now the new face of LGBTs in Oak Park are young families, and in the future, why can’t OPALGA become a resource for that demographic?” OPALGA’s co-chair Colette Lueck, also an Oak Park village trustee, notes the group is now focusing on being a social outlet, as well as a grant making organization that raises funds for small nonprofits that provide direct services to the LGBTQ community. Another new focus for the group has been the establishment of its scholarship fund for LGBTQ students; children of LGBTQ parents; and allies of the LGBTQ community interested in furthering their education. “I am very invested in the scholarship pro-
gram [because] it is unique and important and the grants go to kids who would not otherwise be getting scholarships” says Lueck, adding that the “best party in town” is still the annual Opal Gala banquet, which is set for Oct. 25 in commemoration of the group’s 25th anniversary. For co-founders Linsk and Wilson, there are memories of genuine accomplishment all preserved for posterity in binders. But it is still in the looking forward that they see purpose, knowing that despite much progress in Oak Park and the broad society, that being an LGBTQ still holds challenges. “OPALGA has enabled people to take their first baby steps out into clear air without fear,” says Wilson. “Until there is a point in time reached where gay people can grow into adulthood and be encouraged to function in a community responsibly – and be freely given responsibilities -- there will be a need for some kind of structured organization that can carry on and help kids understand that there is something to look forward to and the reign of hell that is adolescence will be over, and there will be a time in their lives when they will be happy, have friends, possibly be married with children, and that the world will be good to them. Somebody has to do that.”
PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
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An evolving faith as a son comes out Same God, viewed through different lenses University of Illinois at Champagne, he met a Presbyterian chaplain who had a gay group and Contributing Reporter found friends there. Now 53, Bert was married y and Sylvia Menninga grew up around in 2000 and lives in Sweden with his husband. Pella, Iowa. It is a Dutch community Although Bert later acknowledged to Gy and a stronghold of the very conser- and Sylvia that the coming out process was vative Christian Reformed Church. more difficult than it had appeared to them at At every meal the Bible was read and the time, Bert’s parents freely admitted that Sylvia recalls being “comforted with the the road from Iowa to the gay pride parade thought that God would take care of me.” was not that easy for them either. But her faith also had a different side. “The “We gradually began to look at our religion fear of God far outbalanced God’s love. My quite differently,” Sylvia said with an emphabehavior was motivated by the fear that God sis on the word gradually. “It was the same would not approve of me,” she said. God but we were beginning to view that God And decades later, after Gy and Sylvia mar- through different lenses.” ried, quickly had four children, one of them gay, The first step was their decision to join a that fundamental matter of God’s approval, of Presbyterian church while they were living in God’s approval of a gay son, helped Highland Park in the 1980s. “It was a big lead the couple on a decades long step for us and very disturbing to our evolution of their faith, of their parents,” Sylvia recalled, “even though understanding of God to them. it was still a pretty conservative church.” Today they live in Oak Park, Then when they moved to are active members of First Burlington, Vermont for a short time, United Church, and Sylvia was they went to a Presbyterian church a founder of the local chapter that referred to itself as being More of PFLAG, Parents and Friends Light, an association of Presbyterians of Gays and Lesbians. And this whose mission actively welcomed the weekend they are likely to march full spectrum of the GLBT community. once again in Chicago’s Pride “It was just amazing,” said Sylvia. Parade. “I didn’t know there was something “Walking in the pride parade every like this very liberal little campus Sylvia Menninga year is one of the most wonderful church in Burlington. They were things we do. It’s just amazing and wonjust wonderful.” Mother derful, because the kids out there are Then, following Gy’s work assignjust hungry for parents to accept them. ments, the Menningas moved to They just want to hold your hand, to touch you. It’s Boulder, Colorado where they worshiped with a totally exhausting and totally exhilarating.” United Church of Christ congregation which was That their second child, Gysbert Menninga Open and Affirming, a category similar to More III, or just Bert, was gay was not a profound Light in the Presbyterian Church. “What was surprise even back in the 1970s. especially attractive about that church,” said Gy, “From early on we didn’t think he was “was that the pastor there had a gay son.” a normal boy,” Sylvia remembered with a “It took a long time,” said Sylvia. “Just laugh. “He had very effeminate interests. He joining the Presbyterian church in Highland liked to dress up in girls’ clothes and liked Park was a big step. A member there was a dolls. He would sit on women’s laps and say, wonderful woman named Betty Werrenrath. ‘I just love your lipstick.’ We were worried Her father had been a liberal Presbyterian about him to the point of talking with each minister, and she had her theology down. She other about taking him to a psychiatrist.” got me reading the Christian Century, and But Gy and Sylvia decided to do nothing, gave me a copy of J.B. Phillips’ Your God is because their son seemed to be handling who Too Small. She also gave me my first taste of he was very well. “He was always very self- social action, of getting out there and doing confident,” said Sylvia. “He came out to us some of the work that Christ wants us to do.” while he was still in high school which, in the In Vermont Sylvia continued to partici1970s, was quite early. He never seemed to have pate in social action by volunteering at the any problems with the way he was. He was just Ronald McDonald House there. The pastor who he was.” Gy described their son as always in Boulder helped them interpret Scripture in a way that did not throw the baby out with having a “powerful feeling of self-worth.” Bert’s “aha” moment came while reading the bath water when he said, “I take the Bible Rita Mae Brown’s semi-autobiographical and seriously. I don’t take it literally.” She said what taking the Bible seriously but explicit coming out novel Ruby Fruit Jungle published in 1973. “When I read that book,” not literally means to her by sharing a pamBert told his parents, “I said ‘that’s me.’ I phlet she received from the Shem Center in know who I am now.” When he went to the Oak Park. On the cover it states, “What Jesus
By TOM HOLMES
G
T
“ he fear of God far outbalanced God’s love. My behavior was motivated by the fear that God would not approve of me,”
Said About Homosexuality.” When you open the pamphlet the pages are blank. She said, “If you read the Bible at all, what keeps coming up is that God cares about the poor, about widows and orphans and the hungry. We hear that all the time from the prophets, and Jesus was very, very concerned about this. I don’t know how you can miss that. There are maybe half a dozen anti-gay verses at the very most. There’s no possible comparison to the number of verses about worship of money and care of the poor. It’s not worth fussing and fighting about.” Although the Menninga’s spiritual journey involved moving away from the Christian Reformed tradition, Gy hastened to emphasize, “There were certainly some positive things about our growing up there. My parents very much cared for the poor people in the community. We had a couple of widows who lived in our area, and my parents sort of looked after them. There were a couple gay guys—people referred to them as “bachelors”-that my father looked after. They never talked about them being gay, but I’m convinced that my father knew they were. “One of the reasons why we are so caring about the food pantry and are involved in the CROP Walk is that we were taught that when we were kids. The Christian Reformed Church does a lot of that, even though their theology is very conservative. I mean they’re wonderful people. It’s a wonderful community to live in.” Gy summed up their spiritual journey by saying, “The church has always been important to us, and First United here in Oak Park has been important to us as well. The congregation is a strong part of our social connections in addition to the theological thing.” Sylvia agreed. “The spiritual life at First United keeps us centered. We feel like we’ve finally found the perfect church [because of its balance of spirituality and social action].” What has been remarkable to Gy and Sylvia is that they “haven’t caught a lot of flak” about Bert from their relatives in Pella. Part of the reason is that they have broached the subject with them “very carefully, one family at a time.” “Regarding Bert and our extended family in Pella, we have one big thing on our side,” Sylvia said. “Bert is very popular with them. He was loved by aunts and uncles. His girl cousins still go crazy over him. He was always accepted, and I’m sure that it was apparent to many that this kid is quite different. He was/ is a very appealing person. He’s delightful to talk to and has great stories to tell. He’s a great singer, an excellent pianist and a writer. He’s one of our most interesting kids.” Sylvia summed up their experience of having a gay son by saying that she and Gy have grown because of sharing their son’s life. “It’s a positive, wonderful thing in our lives. It has made us understand the need to be tolerant of other people. It’s broadened our horizons immensely and introduced us to so many wonderful people. ’
Courtesy Gysberg Menninga
FAMILY: left to right are: Francisco Ballesteros, Bert Menninga, Gy Menninga and Sylvia Menninga.
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PRIDE 2014
June 19, 2014
25 Years
of Pride & Progress
For 25 years, the Oak Park Area Lesbian and Gay Association (OPALGA) has worked to make our area a place we all can be proud to call home. We do this by:
A Community Of Pride
Fostering positive attitudes and advocating for full equality for the LGBT community Promoting institutional change – in both the private and public sectors Providing educational, social and cultural opportunities for LGBT individuals
Celebrating the contributions the organization and its members make to the community.
To help keep the Oak Park area a place we all can be proud to call home, join us today!
Celebrating 25 years. GALA October 25th, 2014 at Nineteenth Century Women’s Club Watch our website and facebook for upcoming ticket information
Oak Park Area Lesbian and Gay Association
www.opalga.org email: info@opalga.org visit us on Facebook or www.opalga.org