The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since before people only read the headlines VOLUME 420, NO. 67
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1, 2026
WWW.STUDLIFE.COM
Sidechot leaks authors of over 5,000 posts SHMYLVIE BITCHARDS OPINION MANAGER
A data breach leaked the authors of over 5,000 WashU sidechot posts in the past year on April 1. Sidechot is a popular app on college campuses where members with a university email address can anonymously post to an open forum. On Wednesday, all registered users with a “wustl. edu” email address received an automated email with a line of code including the text of over 5,000 Sidechot posts and their authors’ full names and email addresses. In response to a Student Libel inquiry, the creators of Sidechot — who will remain anonymous for privacy concerns — emphasized that they “commit to full transparency about [their] app’s policies and deeply value [their] users.” The creators claimed that they would provide compensation for users whose identities were revealed. “Users can contact support@ sidechot.lol for a free sticker,” the app’s creators said. Some professors and administrators were found to be common authors on the app. On Feb. 2, Chemistry 101 Professor Cummer wrote, “Chem 101 test was easy.” Chancellor Mandrew D. Martin had posts under seven accounts, including chancy@ wustl.edu, bigdmartin@wustl. edu, and thedstandsfordignity@ wustl.edu. After his State of the University Address on March 2,
he posted to Sidechot. “hot take chancellor martin isn’t that bad,” he wrote. A series of posts regarding a stolen birthday cake in the residential dorm building Nemrov populated Sidechot in the past couple of weeks. “Whatever deranged, desperate fatass stole my undecorated cake while it was cooling in the
nemerov kitchen i hope you choke on it. That was for my best friend’s birthday and you ruined it,” Chancellor Martin wrote on March 12. According to inside sources, his home’s ovens were broken. During Mardi Gras, the Washington University Police Department (WUPD) and Residential Life Office cracked
WashU increases tuition to make Workday more confusing W.E.B. STAC WRITER
On March 17, 2026, Provost Wark Mest announced a tuition increase of $3,000 for the 2026-2027 school year, citing the need to invest in more university-led initiatives. Provost Mest failed to include, however, that the large majority of the tuition increase will be going towards a new initiative to make Workday more confusing and hard to navigate for students. In an exclusive interview with Student Libel, WashU head of IT, Bim Trooks, discussed the thorough process behind this decision. “After a year of reflection, we felt that there were major shortcomings to Workday,” Trooks said. “Too many students got the classes they wanted last semester, and we really see that as a failure on our end.” According to Provost Mest, the University is funding a research group to investigate how to worsen Workday. When questioned on the
group’s funding allocations, Provost Mest said that “the group will be attending an all expenses paid trip to Paris, France, in order to ensure their rest and relaxation, and in turn, produce the most accurate investigation results.” One member of the research group, staying anonymous due to concerns of violent repercussions, highlighted the advancements the group has already made towards their goal. “One amazing idea was to make the REGISTER button move every time a student tries to click it. Another idea was to program Workday to change its system language to Latin, in an attempt to promote learning the language.” In private emails between Mest and the research group that Student Libel subpoenaed, he shared some of his personal ideas. “WashU is a rigorous institution, and should therefore have a rigorous course registration system,” Mest wrote. “My personal idea is to
have more errors pop up when students try to register for their courses. Two errors are amateur. Twenty errors — now that is the sign of a top 20 academic institution.” When questioned on the increase in tuition, Provost Mest explained that the University is looking into ways to cut down on the cost of the Workday program. “We are seriously considering incorporating advertisements into the Workday software. Instead of meeting with your advisor to remove a registration hold, students will have to watch 30 straight minutes of Liberty Mutual advertisements.” In response to heavy condemnation of the Workday initiative by the student body, the University sent out a statement on March 20. “Keep critiquing Workday. We love hearing the student body’s disdain towards the program. That is, after all, how we know we’re doing our job well.”
down on celebrations on campus and in nearby off-campus housing, and many users took to Sidechot in protest. “Defund WUPD,” WashU Police Chief Goons wrote on Feb. 17. “I had a really good Borg,” Goons said in an email to Student Libel. After further investigation, Student Libel
uncovered that it read “BORGie and bear.” Many of the leaked Sidechot posts referred to WashU Geek Life. On March 2, Sigma Alpha Epsilog (SAE) President posted “Alpha delta is gay.” On March 12, he posted, “Anyone want to start a Yaoi club?” Kappa Ligma member Mathias Hornswoggle posted “I miss klig” roughly 100 times in the past six months. “It was a part of pledging,” he wrote in a Signal DM to Student Libel. Multiple negative Sidechot posts regarded the same people using nicknames, including “calc 2 girl” and “med prep boy.” The respective parties are suing the authors for defamation. In response to a question about the lawsuits, the creators of Sidechot pointed to their Community Guidelines. “According to our guidelines, we do not support bullying and harassment,” they said. “The affected parties can downvote these posts.” After the leaks, many students have shared that they will no longer be using Sidechot. “This experience has made me rethink my relationship with Sidechot and its anonymity,” first-year Junie B. Jones said. “I will be using YikYak from now on.”
WashU announces acquisition of “several more universities just in case”
V. PRESSMAN CHIEF ALLEGATIONS OFFICER
WashU administrators confirmed Monday that the University has acquired another university, bringing the total number of universities inside WashU to “at least two, possibly more if the paperwork goes through.” The announcement follows WashU’s decision to integrate the University of Health Sciences and Pharmacy and create a new pharmacy school, the second new school the University has launched in three years. According to University officials, the expansion reflects WashU’s long-term academic strategy. “We believe the future of higher education is very clear,” one administrator said. “Eventually all universities will simply become WashU.” Students say they were initially confused by the news. “I thought WashU was already a university,” said sophomore Daniel K. “But apparently we’re collecting them now.” Administrators emphasized that the integration will benefit
students and the broader academic community. “For example,” the official said, “Pharmacy students will gain access to WashU’s resources, while WashU students will gain access to the thrilling experience of learning that their University has quietly absorbed another institution overnight.” Some students say the expansion has become difficult to keep track of. “First we got Fontbonne, and then a new public health school,” said junior Maya R. “Now we’re getting a pharmacy school.” She paused. “At this rate, I’m expecting the WashU School of WashU Studies by next fall.” University officials confirmed that additional acquisitions remain under consideration as part of the University’s strategic vision. At the time of publication, WashU was reportedly in preliminary talks to acquire Harvard, with administrators noting that the school already meets WashU’s core admission criterion of “having students who are extremely stressed.”