The Wake Issue 6 Fall 2006

Crime on Campus /p.12

Japanese Noise /p.08 PLUS Rugby Q&A / Down with Pluto / and more!

The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota

/ volume 5 / issue 6 / 11-17 October 2006

Editorial/ Editor-in-Chief Jenny Odegard

Managing Editor Eric Price

Athletics Editor Craig Rentmeester

Campus Editor Sarah Howard

Literary Editor Jacob Duellman

Sound & Vision Editor Kristen Mueller

Voices Editor Cole Dennis

Editorial Assistants Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey Danberry

Senior Staff Writers Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow

PRODUCTION/ Production Manager Jeremy Sengly

Art Director Sam Soule

Photography Editor Brennan Vance

Web Editor Luke Preiner

Senior Photographer Ethan Stark

Graphic Designers Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz, Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti

Copy Editors Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt, Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz

BUSINESS/ Business Manager Angela Damiani

Office Manager Elizabeth Keely Shaller

Advertising Executive Now hiring!

Public Relations Director Cassie Benson

Advertising Intern Tyler Jones

Public Relations Interns Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie Veternick

THIS ISSUE/ Cover Artist Dave Hagen Illustrators Alex Judkins, Jeremy Sengly, Sam Soule Photographers Amy Fink, Abbey Kleinart, Chris Roberts

©2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved. Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly independent magazine produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student organization.

Contributing Writers Elizabeth Aulwes, Lyndsey Danberry, Rachel Drewelow, Amy Fink, Sarah Howard, Mary Kettl, Peter Leeman, Kristen Mueller, Mary O’Regan, Craig Rentmeester, Alice Vislova

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

Are We Really Safe?/p.12 Dear Readers, You may have noticed a ridiculous number of assaults on campus in the month of September. So far we are off to a spectacular start for October, with 2 assaults, one including a gun. A majority of the assaults on campus this fall have been group efforts, with victims reporting as many as 15 attackers. Also this fall, the irresponsible UMPD hired more officers, and this past weekend, they handed out hundreds of tickets for underage drinking. Coincidentally, most of those tickets were written on Saturday night. The most recent assaults took place late Saturday and early Sunday. Evidently there were enough police on campus to hand out over 400 drinking citations, but no one was around to help stop two assaults. Since this is an editorial letter, I would like to express how angry I feel.

Despite orientation’s claims to the contrary, recent assaults in Dinkytown neighborhoods have proven that students on and around campus aren’t as safe as they once thought.

On-campus (by which I mean in the dorms), if one is caught drinking and is not of legal age, they can be charged $90. This is a much lower amount that if a person is caught off-campus (for example at a house party), but let’s stick with it for now. $90 per ticket at 400 people in one night puts the UMPD in the area of $3,600. During this time someone was attacked by a group of 10, and someone else was held up at gunpoint. It is beyond troubling that the police force spends more time and effort handing out tickets instead of patrolling the neighborhoods. That concept seems insane and appalling to me, and makes me terrified to walk around on campus at night. Even if I were with someone else we would hardly be able to defend ourselves against a group of 10 attackers, or 15. Please take the time to email police@umn.edu and let them know if you are also concerned.

SOUND & VISION p.04 PHOTOGRAPHY p.09 VOICES p.10 CAMPUS p.14 LITERARY p.18 ATHLETICS p.20 BASTARD p.22

JENNY ODEGARD

Editor-in-Chief

Sound and Vision/

By Amy Fink

“Many years ago, the first time I went to the Soap Factory, it was a wild, drunken art opening,” says Chris Pennington, who’s building a haunted house in the Soap Factory’s basement for the volunteer exhibit next month. “It was packed with the salty underbelly of the art world. It was sweaty, and it didn’t smell very good. There was good art and crazy spontaneous happenings. The place was ripe, and I was sure at that point that I would dedicate my life to it.” Since local artists founded it in 1988, the Soap, then known as No Name Exhibitions, has been dedicated to emerging artists in the Twin Cities area, though they do show international exhibits. And those artists, lending their time as volunteers, have likewise been committed to maintaining The Soap’s presence in the community.

“You are in the innards of some kind of beast, so it is either blazing hot or freezing cold. It’s just raw, living functional space.” According to Sergio Vucci, artist and co-curator of October’s biennial exhibit, Minneapolis is an insular but exciting art world: there’s a lot of funding, but not a lot of sales. As a result, artists create simply because they want to. To recognize this dedication, the Soap is hosting Earth From Above: The Volunteer Biennale 06, where artists who put in their time at the gallery without monetary compensation can exhibit their work. As curators of the show, Vucci, Andy Sturdevant and Lisa Grunwald don’t have the opportunity to look at any finished work. Rather, they meet with people and throw out ideas. But this isn’t a disadvantage. Since all the contributing artists are familiar with the space, the artwork becomes

04/October 11–17, 2006

very experience specific, and most pieces are created with the Soap in mind. “The Soap isn’t about showing art,” says Vucci. “It’s about instigating the production of it.” Sturdevant’s piece will be a series of line drawings of deceased Minnesotan politicians, blown up to larger-thanlife size and subtly placed around the gallery where the wall meets the ceiling. The tentative title is “Dead Flying Democratic Governors”—or senators, depending which way Sturdevant decides to go. The ghosts of Minnesota fit appropriately in the blatantly aged Factory, and Sturdevant says this can be felt in the gallery. “In the Soap Factory, the past and present are living very happily together.” The building’s first floor is a former fat-rendering room of an actual soap-making factory, and there’s been no effort to strip it down and make it look like a traditional gallery. “It’s a live space in a way that no other gallery is,” Vucci says. “You are in the innards of some kind of beast, so it is either blazing hot or freezing cold. It’s just raw, living functional space.” An old elevator shaft with an elevator that doesn’t work remains, and artist Eric Joas is going to unobtrusively feed eerie industrial sounds down the shaft as a sonic reminder that this was once an industrial setting. “It is truly an alternative space that moves beyond the notion of an art gallery as being a clinical ‘white cube,’” says Fiona MacNeill, an artist exhibiting her work in the show. “I’m originally from Britain where the notion of adopting an unconventional space like a disused factory is nothing new. However, in Minnesota, the Soap is a young and fresh-faced alternative. It has a different flavor than the other galleries that I have visited in the Twin Cities.”

\ Sound & Vision

With 12,000 square feet of gallery space, the Soap is the third largest contemporary art gallery in the Twin Cities, after the Walker Art Center and the Weisman. This space allows artists to show massive works, catering well to installation projects and a wide array of media. Artist Kaitlin Busse will be showing a 12-by-8 foot yurt, a dwelling that she created last summer and has spent some time living out of in Northern Minnesota. Inside the yurt will be a life-size beeswax figure, a found object, and used soda cans. Through the yurt windows you’ll see charcoal figure drawings and, she hopes, a view of the city skyline through the Soap’s window. Vucci will be showing his piece “Hilary,” a Jacquard weaving of a digital photo ID, repeatedly photocopied until the image was broken down. Though the loom he used is programmed to lift or drop thread itself, Vucci stood at the machine passing the thread shuttle back and forth for a total of 12 hours in two days to create the piece, which he thought of while reviewing loan applications for mortgages. “The ID portrait is a found image, in a way,” Vucci says. “The photocopier degrades and changes the image as does the Jacquard program and weaving process, though the manual part breathes a bit of life back into it.” Similar media is used in unique ways throughout the gallery. Another artist, Skye Gilkerson, will be using fabric in a project he calls “Conversation Piece.” He uses the fabric to make relief sculptures that relate to table settings. Some artists, MacNeill for example, will interact with the audience as a physical part of their work. In what MacNeill describes as one of her most ambitious projects to date, she’ll be executing an untitled live performance with a small PA system, telephones made from molded plaster, a physical installation using real-life objects like a table and chair, and her own physical presence as creator and performer. MacNeill hopes to make a statement about different facets of life, including corporate ideology, notions of identity and privacy, and proletarianism.

“My motivation is always to highlight symptoms of the modern world, whether good, bad or indifferent,” MacNeill says. “I aim to shift people’s perceptions of how fine art can exist within society and how they can engage with it.”

and then I heard hooves sliding on wood directly over my head and go off into the other rooms.” According to Pennington, Executive Director Ben Heywood has had a similar experience.

So far, the piece has taken about eight months to develop and she still has quite a bit of physical work to do.

Considering the circumstances, Pennington has one request: “Please do not freak out and start punching people. Just yell that you have had enough, and we have people who will escort you out.”

Ellen Mueller will be nailing squares of paper with ink, charcoal, and graphite drawings to 31 1-by-1 pieces of plywood in a piece called “Calendar.” The series will mesh science with art, juxtaposing the sensory perceptions of time travel with scientific perceptions. “I explore the idea of people making active versus passive choices to live in the past, present, or future,” Mueller says. In the basement of the Soap, Pennington started building a haunted house out of debris, which will show from 10 p.m. to midnight. For about a month, Pennington and friends, including Aaron Wojack, Nichole Macklem, and David Pitman, have been building it—and they still have much work to do. They’ll also be importing a real working replica of a 17th century French guillotine with a 70-pound blade by local artist and stuntman Willy Nordstrom. Visitors will guide themselves through the haunted house with lanterns in hand, as if they were exploring an abandoned building. “You don’t need much to make that basement put you on edge,” Pennington says. “On two different occasions when I have been in the basement by myself just checking stuff out, I heard what sounded like horses galloping through the upstairs gallery. Totally freaked me out. I thought I was alone,

In the 2005 exhibition season, running from May through October, the Soap Factory’s audience reached a total of 8,000, according to Heywood. Open four days a week, The Soap sees an average of 83 visitors per day. For the entire exhibit, Heywood expects about 2,000 people. “Opening night will be an evening to remember, guaranteed,” Vucci say. “Whether in a good or bad way will be determined then.” In a conversation over dinner at the Bryant-Lake Bowl, Vucci and Sturdevant consider the consequences. “We’re hoping to lose no more than three or four visitors down there,” Vucci says. “We’re going to lose a few people in this,” Sturdevant agrees. “But that’s the price you pay for having badass art,” Vucci says. Hothouse 06, The Volunteer Biennale, is open Oct. 28 - Nov. 19 at the Soap Factory; soapfactory.org.

Amy Fink

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Sound & Vision/

Making the Video: G-Biz By Kristen Mueller Remember when Tom Green sang his way through town, bumping his bum against taxis, cheese, and battleships? Local hip hop duo G-Biz has taken the former MTV star’s concept to the next level—their newest video’s theme is an MCAD student humping his way through Minneapolis, alongside G-Biz rapper “Blingo Gringo.” The Wake braved a ride in a ‘92 Aerostar van to follow G-Biz and crew from the Walker Art Center’s steps to the Government Center’s plaza as they filmed shots for their upcoming video, “What It Is.” “Ready for the music?” yells Tone Def, a 27-year-old rapper whose shock of orange hair swirls around a pale face. “Dance to the beat in your head!” instructs the day’s director, Matt Ernster, crouching on the Walker’s front steps with a small camcorder pressed to his face. On cue, Brendon Brogan, a tall thin man in a white tank and button-up wind-pants a few inches too short rocks his pelvis backward and thrusts his arms forward, swaying back and forth like a dog in heat looking for some leg action. Twenty feet away, also standing on the vast expanse between the Walker and Hennepin Avenue, another tanktopped white boy, Noel Young (a.k.a. Blingo), begins dancing in place, hopping from foot to foot while pumping his fists in the air and shaking his head like an ‘80s jazzercise instructor. “Keep going! Pump harder!” Ernster yells. “Stay on beat!” adds Tone Def, waving her hand to an imaginary sound, which is interrupted by the Basilica of St. Mary church’s noon-time bells and honking from a white van speeding towards I-94. “I think I hyperextended my joints or something,” Brogan says after completing the shot, lighting a cigarette, and collapsing to the ground in a dramatic heap—not a good sign, since this is only the second scene of the day. Blingo, it seems, is more optimistic: “All the fine women love my

06/October 11–17, 2006

supreme dance moves,” he says. After chugs of acid-yellow Gatorade lemonade, it’s into the three-door van, or “shaggin’ wagon,” and off toward downtown. Ernster tosses Harvest PowerBars and chocolate-almond-raisin Zone Perfect Protein bars to everyone as we peel away from the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. The motor purrs loudly over shouts to Blingo in the driver’s seat. “Go in reverse!” “Not now!” “Fuck.” “It’s a dead end.” “He can just turn around.” “Can this thing turn around?”

“I want you to punch that baby in the face.” “I told you I’m in no condition to drive today,” Blingo says as we shoot through an alley and backtrack to Hennepin before finally making it to a parking ramp by First Avenue. After hump-dancing through the garage’s walkway we emerge on the street. “Who’s got my back when I get my ass kicked?” Brogan wonders out loud. There are no takers. But there is a stretch limousine sitting in front of the Radisson hotel—and what is a hip-hop video without 25 feet of sparkling white automobile? Ernster runs into position near the hood, Tone Def grabs a clunky flashlight—err, spotlight—and illuminates Brogan’s body as he pretend humps the limo for 30 seconds. “That was awesome!” says a prim-looking valet, in a white-button up and professional black pants with shiny shoes, guarding the hotel’s lobby, as Brogan and Blingo strut towards our next hit: Nicollet Mall, a retail stretch teeming with parents pushing strollers. “I want you to punch that baby in the face,” Ernster

directs Blingo, who’s now standing on a platform before the Gap’s window display, where a baby’s face smiles in an advertisement for furry cloaks with ears on the hood, making the child resemble a tame bear. Next door is an entrance to the IDS tower, the next scene’s location. “I predict this will be our first encounter with…” “Johnny Law,” Tone Def interrupts, finishing Ernster’s thought. Fortunately, the only people inside are a few bemused elderly men and parents holding small children. Brogan and Blingo do their thing on opposite sides of the Center’s indoor water fountain, before a Ritz one-hour camera shop. Racing out the door (just in case), we walk to the Metro Transit light-rail station. “Is any humping happening on the vessel?” Tone Def asks. The answer, for now, is no—but we do hop on and ride to the Metrodome. As the crowd of families and teenagers, in striped jerseys and baseball caps, spills out of the dome’s doors after the morning’s game, Brogan takes up a position behind Blingo and thrusts away. Matt films from inside a light-rail car, to the delight of its passengers, who point and laugh at the spectacle outside. “Do you think they shoot music videos in Hollywood like this?” Brogan asks when the shot has wrapped. “Oh man. I have a beer in my car. I’m excited about that,” Blingo responds, and it’s off to the Government Center Plaza for the next take. Buy a $5 cup and check out G-Biz live on Oct. 14 at Empty Red, 1617 22nd St. NW, Rochester, or if you can’t make the trip, listen at myspace. com/itisthegbiz.

\ Sound & Vision

Spreading Awareness on the Silver Screen By Mary O’Regan Marriage, culture, violence and poverty are some of the themes of this year’s Women’s Human Right Film Series, which will be shown at libraries across the Twin Cities this fall. Sponsored by the Minnesota Advocates for Human Rights and Friends of the Saint Paul Public Library, the series consists of four documentary films, each focusing on an issue currently affecting women around the world. Viewers are invited to participate in discussion groups immediately following each film. Mary Hunt, a Women’s Human Rights Program Associate for Minnesota Advocates, helps put together the film series each year and tries to find films that have a global and local connection. “Bride Kidnapping in Kyrgyzstan” is heart-wrenching and candid as it unveils the shocking practice of kidnapping women off the street and forcing them into marriage, a cultural tradition still going on in Kyrgyzstan today, with one in three rural women being forced to tie the knot. Using a surprisingly balanced approach, director Petr Lom followed the lives of four ordinary Kyrgyz women who were dragged into the homes of strangers and informed of their new life. The results Lom captures are mixed, including acceptance, rebellion, and death. Rosalyn Park, a Staff Attorney for Minnesota Advocate’s Women’s Program, will lead a discussion about the conflict between women’s human rights and cultural traditions after the film,.

It has been a “very successful medium” for spreading awareness about some of the issues that are affecting women today. “Love, Honour and Disobey” deals with domestic violence occurring against woman of color in Great Britain. Much of the documentary is told from the perspective of survivors who found support in Southall Black Sisters, a community of women working to stop domestic abuse. Director Saeeda Khanum focuses primarily on Indian woman who, as illegal immigrants in the U.K., are trapped in arranged marriages with violent men. Their calls for help largely go unnoticed because of their alien status, and their families refuse to take them in because tradition dictates that a woman must stay with her husband under all circumstances. The film also touches on the honor killings that occur all too frequently in the U.K—particularly one incident in which a young woman was stabbed to death by her father for acting too “western.” Rebecca Palmer, Staff Attorney with the Battered Immigrant Women Project at Minnesota Advocates and Raj Chaudhary, Executive Director of SEWA-AIFW, a local non-

courtesy of unaff.org

profit organization serving the Asian-Indian population in Minnesota, will facilitate a discussion immediately following the show. It will be screened on Oct. 18th, 7:00 p.m., at Rondo Community Outreach Library. Obstetric Fistula is a reproductive disorder that obstructs or prolongs labor and often results in stillbirth. It also affects over two million woman across the globe. “Love, Labor, Loss” explores the disorder’s frequency in developing countries and its often devastating effect on women, who in many cases must deal with not only the death of their baby, but also rejection from their community, which shames them for an affliction over which they have no control. Worse yet, the condition is fully treatable—if you have the health care to deal with it. An open discussion led by Brikti Hiwet, Reproductive Health Consultant and Educator at Powderhorn Phillips Cultural Wellness Center and Marcela Hahn, Vice President of Development at Americans for UNFPA, an organization that has started a campaign to end Fistula, will take place after the viewing.

Nearly 400 women vanished in Juarez, Mexcio during the 1990s and early 2000s. Mysteriously, only a few bodies were ever recovered. “Seniorita Extraviada, Missing Young Women” is an investigative documentary by Lourdes Portillo that probes deeps into the tragic phenomenon, which continues to plague the city today. Interviews with investigators, friends, and family members of the missing women paint a muddled picture as to what exactly happened in the bustling factory town over the past fifteen years. False arrests, finger-pointing, and a suspicious lack of evidence have left residents confused—and terrified for the lives of their daughters. Haunting photographs and a detailed account of rape and abuse from one survivor gives the movie an overall tone of despair. After the screening, viewers are invited to participate in a discussion led by Ann Theisen, a Minnesota Advocates Education Program Associate who lived near Juarez and conducted interviews about the gruesome epidemic. Check this documentary out on December 14th, 7:00 p.m, at Riverview Branch Library.

This film will be shown on November 16th, 7:00 p.m., at Arlington Hills Branch Library

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Sound & Vision/

Japanese Noise By Kristen Mueller The lights fade to black and a sharp piercing sound stabs its way through the Walker’s McGuire Theater on October 6. I scramble to shove in two small purple earplugs, handed out at the door like pills at a rave. And just in time: a lone, long note rings from 54-year-old Japanese artist Keiji Haino’s mouth. He’s standing at stage right, all long grey hair and dark eyes. His voice is hauntingly beautiful, even as it morphs into a screech followed by short blasts. He leans back with a nimbleness belying his age, arching his back in an arc that imitates his rising vocals. Next, Haino loops a guitar over his body and flicks at the strings with one hand. Curtains lining the stage’s rear spread to reveal a movie screen, and the word “JO” flashes forth, indicating multi-media artist Cameron Jamie’s film. Water the color of coffee mixed with a generous portion of creamer gurgles on screen. Now there are knights riding horses through a present-day Orléans, France. A table displays rows of daggers. A woman dressed for battle is guided through a street parade. A picture shows her standing defiantly, then grinning as a chipmunk-cheeked child.

Potatoes spew from a machine into a pool of soapy water, like chunks of bile. Haino plays all the while, augmenting the silent film with melancholy chords and indecipherable lyrics. Behind him, a woman in a circular room is now accepting the Sword of Holy Crosses—Joan of Arc’s weapon of choice. Haino’s soundtrack builds layer by layer, until it reaches eardrum-splitting heights. The woman walks out of the building, swaying gleefully, as if hypnotized by Haino’s song. As it reaches crescendo, images of war and marching soldiers pop up, stitched into place by Haino’s noiserock stylings. Later a right-wing politician places a flower bouquet at the foot of a golden Joan of Arc statue. Here Haino begins to convulse. His neck snaps back, then down. His feet slide sideways. He leans slowly into the microphone like a lover to his paramour’s lips, and lets out a quick “Oh.” The man sitting ahead of me shifts in his seat, tapping and stretching. Inside a fast food restaurant, boxes of indistinguishable yellow food are dumped into boiling grease vats. Potatoes spew from a machine into a pool of soapy water, like chunks of bile. Haino screams a primal warn-

08/October 11–17, 2006

ing, dozens of hot dogs grill on a large frying surface, and we see the exterior of Nathan’s Famous restaurant, home of an annual all-you-can-eat orgy. A giant man steps on a scale. Another pumps his fists skyward like the Rock in a SmackDown. Another wears a shirt boasting his titles in a score of gluttonous competitions, from eating dumplings to Doodle burgers to chicken nuggets. Two small Japanese contestants join the burly lineup before plates of hotdogs. Takeru Kobayashi rolls his head, forcing the food down his throat. He throws his arms skyward as the Dallas Cowboys-esque cheerleader behind him holds the sign “53.” Kobayashi has eaten 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes, a new Coney Island record. Haino plays the sound of a record scratched and amplified a thousand times. The man ahead grabs the rail next to his seat in a desperate clutch. “49” reads the sign held on screen, as the hot dog eating contest unwinds before our eyes, the boy chomping mechanically, shoving in two dogs at a time, bun crumbs sticking to his lips before being suctioned down his throat. “Ayayaay, ahhrgh, ohhayaoh,” Haino grumbles, roars, hisses, rocking with his mic. He screams with rage. Silence. Breathes deeply. Silence. Screams. Silence. “22.” “21.” “22,” read the signs. The man ahead rocks in his seat. Kicks his leg. Grabs the pole again. More hot dogs are consumed. Grease bubbles in a vat. Haino croons once more, and the curtains close. Visit www5e.biglobe.ne.jp/~haino/index.html and cameronjamie.com.

courtesy of Keiji Haino and Cameron Jamie

\ Photography

Chris Roberts

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Voices/

Pluto, We Hardly Knew Ye BY mary kettl I used to look at the sky a lot, leaning my head against the glass of my bedroom window and tracking every moving light to determine whether it was an airplane, satellite or a UFO, which I was convinced would be looking for my house. Depending on which movie I had seen lately, I tried to prepare myself for an alien encounter: “We come in peace!” I would announce to no one in particular as planes from Denver appeared over the mountains. “Take my sister!” I added helpfully, pointing at the other bedroom window. “She’s not heavy!”

It was almost like losing a family member. There he was, hanging around all those years like some old uncle, distant but familiar. He was one of us, we knew him by name, and at least, it was a name we could say without snorting, not like poor old Uncle Uranus. I miss Pluto already. Earlier this month, the celestial body formerly known as Pluto was demoted from planet to “dwarf planet” and renamed No. 134340. Astronomers voted Pluto out of the planet pantheon because of its size, tilted orbit and the fact that it is stuck in something called the Kuiper Belt, as you know, hell during rush hour.

During the summer, I could lie on my back in the grass and identify half a dozen constellations, which I enjoyed doing because it was fun to say, “Hey, look, the Big Dipper!” and point at my sister in the darkness. I could also find the North Star, which would be helpful if I was ever lost at sea – like I knew how to work a sextant. Even then, I realized that the North Star was fairly large and that a person would have to make their sister paddle a long way before figuring out if they were actually heading north or not. But somewhere through the years I got too busy to keep track of the sky. Honestly, the last time we had a comet, I didn’t even go out and look at it. Instead, I watched the Discovery Channel special and figured that since this comet wasn’t going to hit my house, I had seen enough. Meanwhile, meteor showers fall and northern lights flash all the time while I’m cleaning out desk drawers, and the

last time I wished upon a star it was for something to the tune of getting a pop machine installed in my living room. Now Pluto is gone. Well, not gone actually, but while I was eating leftover chocolate cake, Pluto was demoted, and now I can’t even remember what he looked like. The internet photos look more like sonograms (“There’s his head! No, wait … ”) than the usual glamour shots of planet pictures. No fancy hula-hoops or exciting craters — just darkness and ice. No. 134340 seems to be taking it well, cheerfully orbiting with Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Chagrined and the other dwarf planets, but I worry about how it will affect the business of astrology here on Earth. Will horoscope writers, who rely on star charts and planet line-ups, still be able to make stunningly useful predictions like “Capricorns should get a haircut this month?” Maybe we’ve had it wrong all along. Maybe that’s why the Age of Aquarius never worked out. If Pluto is no longer a planet, what else isn’t true anymore? Is nine times nine still 81? Uncle Pluto was someone you could count on, and I miss him. What about the “my very excellent mother just served us nine pickles” mnemonic device that so many of us base our knowledge of the universe on? (Learning a mnemonic is easy; spelling “mnemonic” is “mnot”). “My very excellent mother just served us nine No. 134340s” is not catchy at all.

Astronomers have been debating Pluto for half a century, but the announcement came as a shock to the rest of us and not just because of its expected impact on the Styrofoam ball industry. Designers of model solar systems and dioramas, most of whom are around 11, will now have to decide whether to add extra Styrofoam hunks to represent everyone in Pluto’s new non-planet peer group or, more likely, to cut loose Pluto entirely, leaving an empty string where he once swung so happily at the edge of our imaginations.

Will horoscope writers, who rely on star charts and planet line-ups, still be able to make stunningly useful predictions like “Capricorns should get a haircut this month?” The thing is, I feel like it’s my fault. I should have been watching more closely. Sure, Montana is Big Sky Country, but I grew up in Wyoming, which is Pretty Big Sky Country, and I have also spent several summers in the Black Hills (motto: “Great Faces, Great Places, Above Average Sky”). I have had more opportunity than most people to examine the universe. We have limited the use of electricity at the summer camp where I work, so campfires and stargazing are a typical part of the evening’s entertainment. But lately, I haven’t been paying much attention. I’ve just glanced at the big, showy stars, saying, “Oh, pretty,” and heading to the kitchen to look for a snack.

10/October 11-17 2006

alex judkins

\ Voices

Malnourished Spaniards Take One for the Team

PHOTO POLL/ by Abbey Kleinart There have been increased police reports and higher crime on and around campus this fall. What, if anything, threatens you on or around campus?

“I don’t really feel threatened at all even if it’s late or I’m by myself.” Maggie Gagliardi freshman, theater arts sam soule

BY Alice Vislova All has not been well this month in the shimmery, sequined world of high fashion. According to the Associated Press, five models were banned from participating in Madrid’s fashion show “Pasarela Cibeles,” held Sept. 18–22, due to an unsatisfactory body mass index (BMI). This is undoubtedly not the first time in modern fashion history that models have been disqualified due to a weight problem. This time, however, these models were not banned for being overweight, but for being underweight, with a BMI under 18. BMI is calculated by dividing weight in pounds by height in inches squared, multiplying the total by 703. At first instinct, it is tempting to blow off such news as a rehashing of old topics in an attempt to get a rise out of the public. After all, keywords such as “bulimia” and “eating disorder” have been kicked around so much by the media and public officials they now receive blank stares from the average individual. There is a slim chance, however, these issues have been receiving attention because they actually deserve attention and, cynicism aside, I do believe that this one deserves a second look. In view of resource depletion, global warming and, of course, the ever-present monster of terrorism lurking over

The fact that we are not disturbed by images of walking skeletons on stiletto heels should perhaps be taken as a warning sign. our shoulders, the emaciated nature of supermodels does not seem to be a pressing issue. Maybe, though, the fact that we are not disturbed by images of walking skeletons on stiletto heels should perhaps be taken as a warning sign. The ideal body of today, as it is projected by the media, is in reality neither beautiful nor healthy. We have been conditioned as a society to yearn towards twiggy legs and protruding collar bones. A brief review of art before the late-19th century will expose one to the ideal “Rubenesque” female form of the past. Named after the painting style of Peter Paul Rubens, the Rubenesque woman had a little bit of extra meat on her bones, she would be considered fat by today’s standards. As western society progressed, the ideal woman began rapidly losing weight, and up until the 1950s, still glorified the curves of women like Marilyn Monroe. The 1960s saw a dramatic change in the fashion industry as

the “rail-thin” look was packaged, shipped and fed to the public. Today, we spend the evening watching America’s Next Top Model, while lamenting over the piece of cake we had with dinner. The obsession with weight in today’s society is propagated by pop culture and the fashion industry, and this obsession should be alarming to us. There has been much disagreement between the gods of the fashion world about Madrid’s ban and its possible effects on the future of the industry. At the end of the day however, this is an issue of fact, not opinion, and the fact is that the fashion industry is having a serious effect on young women. The truth of the matter is that eating disorders were largely unheard of before pop culture began to propagate anorexia. According to a recent study done by the Harvard Eating Disorders Center, 40 percent of fourth graders report that they diet either “very often” or “sometimes.” This rings of the “hook em’ young” philosophy of the cigarette industry. Regardless of whether it is a conspiracy or not, the world of fashion succeeds in reaching young girls and blurring their perceptions of weight at an early age. Twelve-year-olds reading Seventeen magazine’s “40 ways to lose weight— fast!” earnestly believe that their ideas about beauty are healthy and validly formed, when in fact they came about as a result of bullshit brainwashing by so-called “trendsetters.” The Harvard Eating Disorders Center also reports that 15 percent of young women have substantially disordered eating attitudes and behaviors. I beg to differ. Nearly all of us in the western world have a disordered view of food and body image. Just flip through the channels and count how many miracle weight-loss pills you can buy at any given moment and then ask yourself, “How can I live in this world and not be affected?” An argument against the ban in Madrid is that some people naturally have a BMI lower that 18 and these “naturally skinny” models should not be discriminated against in their fashion industry jobs. Newsflash: modeling is a competitive business—ugly people cannot be models and severely overweight people cannot be models. People who are abnormally skinny should not be models either; at the very least, they should not be the norm. I would advise these underprivileged, underweight models look into the newspaper for some day jobs and maybe grab some sandwiches while they’re at it. As for the ban: way to go Spain, we owe you one.

“I’m a white kid from the burbs. I walk home at 3:30 am at a place where there was once a shooting and have never had a reason for concern, but I guess it’s because I’m a “bigger guy” and I look like a hobo or homeless or something.” Nick Olson, junior, geophysics “I’m not really threatened by campus at all. It’s scary to hear about assaults but it doesn’t really mean much until it happens to you.” Dan Rivard, sophomore, undeclared

“There’s this creepy railroad bridge I take to walk home, toward the Como area, that’s scary. I feel safe on campus, there are some scary parts around the Como area and I always feel better if there are parties going on because then there are lots of people around.” Marta Haftek 3rd year, genetics/anthropology “I can’t really think of anything. It’s annoying when frat boys are throwing footballs-it threatens my car.” Karl Oertwig, 6th year senior, computer science

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Feature/

? e f a S ly l a e Are We R

Living in a college community doesn’t guarantee safety anymore

by Sarah Howard Illustration by Alex Judkins and Jeremy Sengly We were all told during orientation that the campus is safe and it’s rare to feel unsafe when walking through the mall or Dinkytown at night. With the recent assaults that have sprung up during the first few weeks of the school year in the surrounding University neighborhoods, everyone is having second thoughts about our so-called “safe” campus. After the first month of the school year, seven assaults had happened in the Southeast Como, Marcy-Holmes and Cedar-Riverside neighborhoods, all surrounding the University’s East and West Banks, mostly occupied by students. With the year starting, “we have more people on the streets,” says James DeSota, neighborhood coordinator for the Southeast Como Improvement Association. There are a lot of factors adding up to the additional crime, DeSota says. Three assaults happened on Friday, Sept. 9, the first weekend of school where traditionally the State Patrol is brought in to assist area police with the busy weekend. Two of these assaults were within one mile and 15

12/October 11–17, 2006

minutes of each other around 12th Avenue Southeast and Como Avenue. These three separate assaults started off a month filled with attacks and crime throughout Dinkytown and the Como area. The first attack was at 12:30 a.m. at 16th and University Avenue. The next two were within one block of each other, one at 2 a.m. at 12th and Como Avenue and the other at 2:15 a.m. at 12th and Talmadge Avenue. Aaron Smith, a journalism junior, lives on 12th Avenue and saw an undercover police vehicle parked on 12th Avenue before 2 a.m. “I thought it was just a car parked in the middle of the street, but I got closer and realized it was an undercover cop car,” he says. This was before 2 a.m., because Smith’s parents were helping him move and had left by 2 a.m. along with the police car. “It wasn’t on the street at 2 a.m…obviously,” he says. “The attacks had to be related, they were too similar, too close to one another to not be,” Smith says. These first three attacks resulted in the UMPD sending out a crime alert to all students via e-mail. The alert gave information on all three assaults including that in two of the incidents “the victim was assaulted with either a base-

ball bat or a stick,” and “two of the victims were hospitalized due to the extent of their injuries.” As of press time, Lt. Chuck Miner of the University of Minnesota Police Department said the Minneapolis Police are close to solving two of the three assaults that they sent an alert out on. Sept. 16 saw three assaults; one each in the Southeast Como, Cedar-Riverside and Dinkytown neighborhoods, where a man was punched in the face after refusing to give another man money. An assault on Sept. 17 in Dinkytown resulted in a trip to the emergency room due to a concussion. On that day a Chi Psi fraternity member was also attacked after telling people not to walk through the house’s yard. Miner says that there seems to be no motives in any of the assaults or attacks, adding to the suspicion that the attackers were college-aged people just moving from party to party. “The three separate assaults [that happened the weekend of Sept. 9] did not appear to involve a motive… and were very unusual for this area,” he says.

The last attack of the month, on Sept. 23, was the only one with an apparent motive; two Augsburg students were assaulted after leaving a party in Dinkytown for being homosexual. According to the University of Minnesota Police Department crime statistics, in September 2005 there was one case of simple assault and one case of aggravated assault. This number had tripled by the first two weeks of September 2006. The Como attacks have been in the northwestern portion of the Como neighborhood because, DeSota says, this area is more concentrated with students. “There’s a high concentration of larger houses in this area, which results in more students and more house parties,” he says. “People are walking from party to party here, and therefore leave themselves open to the vulnerabilities of robbery and assault,” DeSota says. One important factor to consider according to DeSota is that there has been an increase in house parties in these areas and therefore the police resources are going toward that rather than to patrolling the street. “Because of drinking and loud partying, a lot of resources are being directed toward that,” he says. All of these things are adding up to what DeSota calls, “a bad environment.” With partying in mind: “Be aware that you are more likely to be a crime victim when you are under the influence of alcohol,” Miner says. An important factor that many say is adding to the crime is that before this year most of the crime in the area only used to come from outsiders, those who did not live in the surrounding neighborhoods. DeSota suggests that these people would come to the U’s community because the law was being strictly enforced in other areas due to the recent murders in downtown Minneapolis, but now residents of these neighborhoods are adding to the crime as well. “People feel it’s OK now to just take things and use force,” DeSota says. “There definitely seems to be a more vicious feel to what’s going on,” he says, adding that there has also been an increase in vandalism in the area. “The majority of people committing these assaults seem to be residents of the area. This is being done by college aged students, the 18- to 24-year-old crowd,” DeSota says. Miner seconds DeSota’s ideas about non-students coming into the university area. “As more student-orientated apartment complexes are being built off campus, nonUniversity-affiliated individuals are moving into the older complexes that are less desirable to students,” Miner says. The UMPD is increasing its weekend patrolling to deal with the increase in crime around the University. “Since the beginning of the school year and continuing throughout the semester, we have teamed up with the Minneapolis Police, the Minnesota State Patrol and the Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office to have more officers on patrol on weekend evenings in and around the University,” Miner says, but adds that the additional officers are focusing on combating underage alcohol abuse rather than the recent assaults. The department is hoping that this increased presence of about 20 officers will indirectly have an effect on other crimes as well. On a normal shift, there is one sergeant and three to four officers from the UMPD patrolling the area, and the only increase in patrol on the weekends is the addition of the officers from surrounding departments mentioned above. Unfortunately though, the addition of 20 officers most likely does not make up for the thousands of students that are out and about on the weekends.

permission to add two officers to the force. In addition to this, “we are requesting to add up to eight additional officers prior to the 2009 opening of the TCF Bank Stadium,” Miner says. This is due to the fact that, with the opening of the stadium, the campus will be more of a “home base” for partying before and after football games, which will require additional police force and resources.

Staying Safe on Campus

But, the UMPD only patrols property “owned, leased, or operated by the University of Minnesota,” Miner says. This includes the dorm areas, but not the neighborhoods experiencing the crime. “The off-campus areas of Dinkytown, Como, Marcy-Holmes, Cedar-Riverside are the primary jurisdiction of the Minneapolis Police Department,” he says. “However, we assist them as needed and try to ensure that the area around the University is safe as well.”

The UMPD and the City of Minneapolis offers these tips from their Web sites.

The UMPD and the Minneapolis Police are in constant radio communications with one another, and either or both departments may respond to calls, the UMPD website says.

Carry a cell phone

As a resource to those concerned about protecting themselves from the crime, a free workshop was held Oct. 2 at the Van Cleve Community Center, and was open to both students and residents. The event was planned before the recent spike in crime, DeSota says, but the Minneapolis Police have been holding workshops such as this for years around the city of Minneapolis, says Rick Maas, SAFE crime prevention specialist in the Minneapolis 2nd Precinct Safe Unit. The workshop was led by Mary Brandl, a self-defense instructor. She ran workshops on defending yourself against threats and violence and how to manage confrontation. This community event taught students to avoid situations where assault or crime could happen and how to be aware of your surroundings to protect yourself, Maas says. There were also demonstrations by Brandl and participants about how to get away from attackers if there is an altercation. “This is one of the best self-defense courses we offer,” Maas says.

Be aware of your surroundings Travel with companions Use the Campus Escort Service by calling 612-624-WALK

Call 911 if you observe suspicious circumstances or are in fear Plan and use the safest and most direct route. Choose well-lit streets at night Look confident and purposeful Become familiar with businesses that are open late If you feel uneasy, go directly to a place where there are other people Carry your keys and money in a pocket, not in a purse or wallet. In cases involving verbal harassment, ignore it and walk away. If you are alone at a bus stop, proceed to the next stop if there are other people there

You can find more information on assault prevention at the City of Minneapolis’ Web site, www.ci.minneapolis.mn.us/police/crime-prevention/

The Southeast Como Improvement Association holds community meetings on the first Monday of every month, DeSota says. “These meetings are open to anyone and crime and assault in the area is usually discussed because citizens are concerned,” he says. At these meetings community members may bring their concerns about crime in the area and SECIA takes these concerns to create community programming and communicate with police about the concerns. The assaults on campus were not linked to robberies, but students and others in the community worry about the increased frequency of robberies in other parts of the city. On Sept. 17, three robberies occurred in the university area. All of these incidents happened within four hours of one another. 2005 saw only two robberies, while 2004 had zero. This recent crime and overall viciousness is giving an eerie feeling to the weekend nightlife that is such an integral part of the university community. So you don’t have to stay in and get ahead on your homework, keep this in mind: “Do not walk alone at night. Use the free campus escort service,” Miner says. As the UMPD urges, “Do not hesitate to call 911 on or off campus if you observe suspicious circumstances or are in fear.” Hopefully October will bring us friendlier news.

During the second week of school, the UMPD did receive

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Campus/

Focus on the Senate Race Klobuchar and Kennedy vie for top seats BY Elizabeth Aulwes Two U.S. Senate hopefuls, Congressman Mark Kennedy and Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar, have engaged in a war of words that’s become increasingly heated as the Nov. 7 election draws near. Both candidates have released television commercials and made statements recently that harshly criticized one another in their campaigns to become Minnesota’s next senator, replacing retiring Sen. Mark Dayton. Independence Party candidate Robert Fitzgerald has withheld from the fiery exchanges for the most part. Republican nominee Kennedy recently aired commercials accusing Klobuchar of breaking promises she made in her successful bid to win the seat she now holds. Kennedy’s advertisement claims that Klobuchar promised to “crack down on drug dealers” and “be tough on repeat offenders” but “52 percent of first degree drug felons were given lighter sentences” and “career criminals continued to get plea bargains.” “We’re looking at her record as Hennepin County attorney,” says Heidi Frederickson, Kennedy’s campaign press secretary. “It doesn’t do any good to have laws on the books unless they’re being enforced.” Klobuchar, the Democratic nominee, shot back at Kennedy in more ways than one. In her latest ad, the mother of a homicide victim tells viewers that “Amy saw to it that those gangmembers [who killed my daughter] were put away” and continues “Mark Kennedy, you should be ashamed.” Klobuchar also put out a press release in which Ben Goldfarb, Klobuchar’s campaign manager, says “Congressman Kennedy has failed in Washington for six years. Now he’s going to offer the people of Minnesota [weeks] of nasty, misleading campaign ads.” Goldfarb also says that Kennedy “has nothing to offer but more of the same. Same old policies. Same old attack ads.” Klobuchar defends her record as Hennepin County Attorney. In the same press release, it’s stated that “the average prison

14/October 11-17 2006

sentence for first-degree drug offenders in Hennepin County is now 20 percent longer than the year before Klobuchar took office” and that “since 1999, more than 125 career criminals have received longer prison sentences because of Klobuchar’s focus on repeat property offenders,” according to Hennepin County records. Likewise, Kennedy claims that Klobuchar’s statements against him are false. The Minnestoa native’s online biography says that he “frequently [led] bi-partisan efforts to address concerns ranging from health care and transportation to keeping spending under control” in Congress. Fitzgerald seems to be the only senate candidate abstaining from the crossfire, with one exception. Earlier this year he appealed to voters’ sanity in a Minnesota Public Radio debate. “There’s a definition of insanity­—that’s doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result,” says Fitzgerald. “Minnesotans have a choice this coming fall, and they can vote independent. And that’s where they can get an independent voice in Washington representing other Minnesotans.” That’s not the only difference among the three candidates. The war in Iraq has become a serious point of contention. Kennedy wants to wait to bring American troops home until “necessary milestones defined by our commanders on the ground” have been met, according to an issue paper. Kennedy wants to stay there until the job is done, Frederickson says. “[Kennedy’s opponents] want to see how fast we can retreat.” Klobuchar, a native of the western suburb, Plymouth, wants 2006 to be the year that control of the country is handed over to the Iraqis. “It should be a year of transition in which we bring a significant number of our troops home.” According to her position paper, Klobuchar wants Congress to demand a withdrawal plan that includes a “realistic time frame based on specific

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milestones and benchmarks, with honest and current information from the administration about the status of our efforts, the training of the Iraqi forces, and the restoration of basic services to Iraq.” Fitzgerald supports immediate withdrawal. On his Web site, he says “it’s time to get out of Iraq now. Congress has abdicated its responsibility of oversight while cost overruns and emergency funding have masked the true cost.”

Minnesota’s historical tendency to lean left might prove to be a benefit for Klobuchar this November. Their differences are also highlighted by their positions on healthcare. Kennedy would offer tax credits to buy health insurance for those who don’t have any. “Giving government more control is the surest way to make things worse. We must put patients and doctors, not bureaucrats, insurance companies, and trial lawyers in charge of healthcare,” his issue paper says. Klobuchar says that she “believe[s] every Minnesotan— and every American — should have access to quality, affordable healthcare.” Fitzgerald says “the goal is to balance affordability with universality. Healthcare should no longer be tied to employment. Insurance should be used for the unexpected and unaffordable.” Each candidate also considers education a priority, but again, their approaches differ. Kennedy wants to “help make college affordable again by requiring colleges and universities that take federal aid to explain and justify double digit tuition increases and limit aid to those that don’t,” according to his website, but “Washington, D.C. has an important, but limited role to play in helping educate Minnesota’s children.” Frederickson says that higher

education is important to Kennedy. “[He] is a first generation college graduate... He knows what it’s like to pay back student loans.” Klobuchar, on the other hand, says that she “will fight for a stronger federal commitment to higher education.” In her issue paper, she says that she will fight the current administration’s policy to undermine education. “It makes no sense for Washington, D.C. to cut access to grants and loans for students when higher education costs are skyrocketing.” Fitzgerald, who was born in Fargo but has lived in Minnesota since grade school, states simply that “local communities and the states can best react to education needs.” Regardless of their differences, Minnesota’s historical tendency to lean left might prove to be a benefit for Klobuchar this November. She’s already leading Kennedy by double digits in several polls. One pool from the Pioneer Press and MPR, conducted in late September, put Klobuchar at 52 percent, while 37 percent of registered voters surveyed said they would elect Kennedy. However, some recent elections indicate that a “blue” Minnesota could be a dying trend. Republicans and Democrats currently hold an equal number of Minnesotan seats in Congress and one senator from each of those parties represent the state in the Senate right now. Klobuchar is hoping to hold on to Dayton’s seat for the DFL, while Kennedy and Fitzgerald hope to score it for their parties. Frederickson thinks Kennedy has a real shot. When people are informed of both Kennedy’s and Klobuchar’s stances on the issues, Kennedy “frequently polls ahead,” she says. Minnesota has become “much more of a purple state.”

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Life as a Queer Muslim A first-hand account of having to deny religion and nationality to be yourself BY Lyndsey Danberry “What comes to mind when you think of the word Muslim?” Faisal Alam asks, speaking to the crowd at the Hubert H. Humphrey Cowles Auditorium. “Homophobic, terrorism, intolerant of other religions, Middle East, lack of women’s rights.” “OK, any good things?” Alam says jokingly. He then explains that the largest populations of Muslims live in Indonesia, India, Bangladesh and Pakistan – none of which are in the Middle East and all of which have had a female head of state, unlike the United States. In fact only 12 percent of the entire Muslim population live in the Middle East, Alam points out. “The United States tries to understand east versus west by making things black and white, but there is more gray in the Muslim world than black or white,” Alam says. Alam was born in Germany and lived in Saudi Arabia and Pakistan before his parents, both from middle class families, moved to a small town in Connecticut. There were two mosques in his hometown but, like most of the Muslims in the United States, his parents feared that his religion would be lost to American ways. Alam spent 40 hours a week in school being “American” but during the weekends and at home he spoke no English and practiced his religion diligently. He was living two lives, conflicted by a split identity.

ing Islam may have seemed like the most difficult decision of his life, but Alam’s allegiance to his religion would be tested again further down the road. Alam attended college in Boston and continued to be a large supporter and public figure in spreading the Islamic religion through the East Coast. It was in college, after being engaged for six months, that Alam realized he was not only different because of his religion or his nationality. Alam felt different because he is gay. To say that homosexuality is wrong in the Muslim community is the understatement of understatements. “Basically, it’s not an option, in fact it’s not even talked about,” Alam says.

Alam realized he was not only different because of his religion or his nationality. Alam felt different because he is gay. Now as a supporter, model child and pioneer of Islam, Alam had to choose between his religion and his sexuality. For him, his religion was something he could not live without and his sexuality was something he couldn’t change.

“It was my junior year and I had to make the decision to defy my parents and go to the prom or stand by my religious beliefs,” Alam says.

“I was split between two identities, they co-existed but were separate.” After a mental breakdown in November of 1996, Alam realized he had to merge the two into one. His first mission was to find others who were facing the same dilemma.

Alam chose Islam and started to pioneer the movement of Islam in Connecticut. His name became familiar on the East Coast and he became the “model” child within the Muslim community. Choos-

Alam started an e-mail list for gay Muslims, and a number of people joined but were scared to voice their thoughts. For the first eight months there were no messages written. Even without admitting to

16/ October 11-17 2006

being gay, Alam was asked to resign from every organization he chaired, just for being on the list. He was forced out of his community simply because he believed it was OK to be born homosexual. In 1998, the subscribers on the list met in person at what has become known as the First International Retreat for GLBT Muslims, held in Boston, Mass. “We talked about everything,” Alam says. “We decided to formally make the organization Al-Fatiha, which means ‘beginning’ or ‘opening’.” Al-Fatiha is now an international organization dedicated to Muslims who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, those questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity and their allies. The organization strives to provide a safe space and a forum for GLBTQ [is this really an abbreviation?] Muslims and their friends to address issues of common concern and share individual experiences. Today AlFatiha has 700 members in the U.S.with eight chapters in Atlanta, Los Angeles, New York City, San Diego, San Francisco, Toronto, Vancouver and Washington, D.C. Alam closed with two quotes. The first was from Coretta Scott King, referring to her husband Martin Luther King, Jr. “We are all tied together in a single garment of destiny . . . I can never be what I ought to be until you are allowed to be what you ought to be.” She also said, “I’ve always felt that homophobic attitudes and policies were unjust and unworthy of a free society and must be opposed by all Americans who believe in democracy.” The other quote is from Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in this world.” Alam has certainly done everything he can to be the change that he wants to see in this world.

And Then God Said, “Let There Be Chick-fil-A”

\ Campus

BY Rachel Drewelow

Stomach growling? Yearning to fill that empty space inside? If faith-basedfast-food is what you’re craving look no further than Coffman Union’s resident Chick-fil-A!

Cathy maintains, “I feel it’s the best business decision I’ve ever made.” Cathy’s son Dan, the company’s president and chief operating officer, has promised to keep the closed-on-Sunday policy.

Chick-fil-A has served up chicken sandwiches in the name of the Lord for over 60 years – in some respects. The Atlantabased chain – pronounced “Chick-fil-lay,” doesn’t dish up religion to its customers, but was founded on Christian biblical principles.

Yokum participated in Chick-fil-A’s employee marriage retreats twice, he says. Though retreats are not free, they are a “great value,” Yokum says. “It was a lifechanging experience,” he says. Retreats are sponsored by Cathy’s WinShape Centre Foundation, which also has a four-year joint scholarship program with Berry College in Georgia, leadership camps for boys and girls and a foster home program with nine homes throughout the south and Brazil. Cathy and Chick-fil-A also support various religious groups and other projects through philanthropy.

In Minnesota, home to only two of Chickfil-A’s 1,250 restaurants (Minnesota State University, Mankato houses the other), we hear little about the faithful Southern roots of the company credited with inventing the quick-service industry’s first boneless chicken sandwich and spawning the whole nugget idea. S. Truett Cathy, Southern Baptist founder and chairperson of Chick-fil-A, has used biblical tenets as a guide to steer his restaurants since opening his first, The Dwarf Grill, in 1946. The grill gave way to Chickfil-A and today, the private company, who reported systemwide sales of almost $2 billion in 2005, stands by its unusual corporate mission, “To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A,” as stated on their Web site. For instance, Chick-fil-A supports strong families, says Chick-fil-A training manager Ty Yokum. Several policies are in place to “treat us [Chick-fil-A employees] with dignity, honor and respect,” as Yokum puts it. The company offers marriage counseling to all employees, scholarship opportunities, pays free full benefits to all full-time employees and their families, and closes every restaurant on Sundays (typically a fruitful day for fast food joints) – and boasts about a 97 percent retention rate of its employees. Cathy gives employees Sundays off to recover from the workweek, spend time with their families and participate in fellowship or worship if they choose, explains Chick-fil-A spokesperson Brenda Green. The policy is still questioned by some business-savvy folks wondering why Chickfil-A forgoes the day’s sales – and probably also by customers who just wonder why they can’t get their chicken fix on Sundays.

“To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A” Chick-fil-A caters to the customer’s family values too, via kid’s meals, says Rich Moorhouse, vice president of Minnesota manufacturing and marketing company Mello Smello, LLC, vending company for Chick-fil-A’s packaging and kid’s meals. Chick-fil-A chooses not to target children with cheap, flashy toys like other fast food chains, Moorhouse says. Instead, a book, tape or CD is included with the meals “specifically to promote parent and child interaction or education,” he explains. “Chick-fil-A is like no other corporation we work with,” Moorhouse says. “I was shocked,” he explains, at a Chick-filA vendor conference last year when Dan Cathy “got down on his hands and knees and shined my shoes.” Dan personally shined the shoes of each vendor representative (about 40) on their way out of the conference before hugging them and thanking them individually for their support, Moorhouse explains. “I’ve met with many different CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, and this is just something you’d never find ... not in the corporate world,” Moorhouse says. “Basically, people are treated like people,” Yokum says of Chick-fil-A’s practices, “and

that’s a huge benefit in itself.” Chick-fil-A seems to balance its business and morals agreeably. Opting to close down registers 15 percent of the week, the company continues to grow faster than fast food giants such as McDonald’s and Burger King, Frederick Reichheld explains in his book, Loyalty Rules!. Chickfil-A beats the two in both freestanding restaurant (i.e. not in malls) sales and total percentage of growth, according to Reichheld. Since Chick-fil-A first opened in 1967, it has earned 38 consecutive annual sales increases, including double digit jumps the last 12 years, according to their Web site. The success could have something to do with Chick-fil-A’s loyal customer base. When was the last time you grabbed a sleeping bag and your best thermos, and pitched a tent at the door of a new McDonald’s? When a new Chick-fil-A pops up, so do hundreds of customers, who set up camp the night before. Chick-fil-A “entertains these raving fans” too, she explains, with a DJ, karaoke, raffles and other festivities to keep energy going. The first 100 customers in the restaurant opening day get coupons for one free combo meal a week for the year – and the offer attracts a loyal following of college students, Green says. One die-hard fan base from University of Texas, Austin even set up a Web site, chickenpack.com, as a forum to connect with other Chick-fil-A opening junkies. “We’ve endured hours of hundred degree heat, rain, sleet and freezing cold temperatures with a smile and a dance,” in the quest for a year’s worth of free Chick-fil-A, the site says. The site also has a tribute to Dan Cathy, who camps out with the customers at most openings – he makes it to about 50 a year, Green says. Though Chick-fil-A currently keeps most of its unconventional do-good business ethics and gives away most of its free grub in the Southern states, Brenda Green says the company plans to spread north and into the Midwest, “slowly migrating up the West Coast.” Amen to that. Coffman Union’s Chick-fil-A is a brand licensure with University Dining Services, which serves a smaller menu and may or may not operate with the same business principles.

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Literary/ Submission

Delusions of Delusions BY Peter leeman It takes the theme that point in space where all thoughts suspend

So this is it?

their oscillating temper.

The preconceptions dip below the surface

And the realization just ruptures the crease

and we just forget

like biting sunlight

what it was,

through pulsating destruction.

the streaming heaviness of hue.

Like that pressure when the red and yellow

So this is what I slip into?

meet, then perish in the white.

Tumultuous desperation

When breath is noticed

and the glass doesn’t reflect as it used to.

the rippling crinkle hits

Check off the quintessential

the walls.

then, relax in graying thoughts.

Seeing the bearded man coming down

Repetition(repetition) makes fact

the assembly line...

therefore; the pragmatic axiom.

Do I exist for it? Or does it exist for me?

Watch your stride as you cross

They speak of:

that high bridge with spires like a crown.

I like to read. Send me submissions. Smile at being in print. jduellman@wakemag.org

How To: Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI. Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in person to workshop your creative work. Just send an e-mail to set an appointment. We don’t bite.

“Follow the forgotten leaves, Forget about downtrodden trees.”

Forget me as consistency turns to specks

Ambiguous space,

Define something before me now.

18/October 11, 2006

Correction: The Poem “Likeness Lost” in Issue 5, Pg. 14, was written by AJ Evans. Our sincerest apologies.

\ Literary Submission

A Discussion on Obsidian’s Complexion

Events that will put Images in your Brain

by Anonymous

What: Poetry Reading

Who: Kate Lynn Hibbard; Taiyon Coleman

When: Thursday, Oct. 12th, 7:00 p.m Where: Magers & Quinn Booksellers, FREE

Obsidian:

Obsidian:

A marble sheen covers the stone –

Menacing, the towers stand harrowing down

an edge that cut the carcass of knowledge.

The tool that began

to the bystanders. The tips grapple the shafts of sun pouring between the caverns of clouds,

For billions of years, the shadow has walked

feeding obsidian from the turn of the first degree

with the meticulous clock-work of the

to the final beats of overcast reflections.

ancient stars, graced the sides of monuments of man and towered over the unseen.

A form lost in forms. A paper crane, its wings fixed to the point opposite –

a steady wind washes upon the

Who: Coya Hope Artichoker; Sarah Agaon; host Sherry Quan Lee What: SASE Women of Color Reading: Making Oral History: Beyond Our Reservations When: Thursday, Oct. 12th, 7:30 p.m Where: Patrick’s Cabaret, FREE

Who: Kimberly Blaeser; Gerald Vizenor

A paper crane stands true to the typing

What: The authors read from ‘Traces in Blood, Bone and Stone: Contemporary Ojibwe Poetry.’

among the folds.

When: Friday, Oct. 13th, 7:00 p.m

throbbing blades of green.

Where: Birchbark Books, FREE On street corners, children walk, their eyes fixated on the laces which

Who: Twin Cities Book Festival

tie each together.

What: Several Authors Speaking

A stone, a crack,

soft earth frosted over with oil slicks. To the right, the unseen fly grasps

When: Saturday, Oct. 14th, 10:00 am to 5 00 pm Where: Minneapolis Community and Technical College, FREE

the entrails of a decaying finch.

Unnoticed. Unwanted.

Who: William Swanson; Dobby Gibson; host Carol Connolly

In shop windows sit sets of eyelids,

What: SASE: The Spoken Word

unblinking, unwavering, their glare

When: Tuesday, Oct. 17th, 7:30 p.m

ripping halos and pitchforks into able-minded forms.

Where: University Club, FREE

In great halls, the shadow falls down on the crowd; The basking in antiphon – only broken alleys with shards of glass that mirror so many broken synapses.

Stand true to the forms that block

the sunlight.

\19

www.wakemag.org

Athletics/

Guarding Our Goal The two most-feared goalkeepers in the Big Ten

By Lyndsey Danberry The women’s soccer team has two hidden treasures guarding the Minnesota goal—sophomore goalkeeper Lindsey Dare and freshman goalkeeper Chelsey Turner. With the help of these two young superstars, the women’s soccer team started the season with a 6-1-1 record, their best start since 1995. Turner blocked eight saves against Army at the Brown International on Sept. 8 to mark her first career shutout. Dare was recently named Big Ten Co-Defensive Player of the week on Sept. 11 after tying a 13-year-old school record with 15 saves against Brown on Sept. 10. Dare and Turner rank number one and two in saves per game with 9.0 and 6.25 respectively. Dale and Turner also rank number one and two in the conference for save percentage at .931 and .926 respectively. Turner ranks second in goalsagainst-average at 50 percent while Dare ranks fourth at 64 percent. The U of M is the only school in the Big Ten with two goalkeepers in the top 10 within every statistical category for goal keepers. To our surprise, the girls offered to talk to us and, despite being feared by soccer players all over the state, were quite nice. Wake: Lindsey, you were named Big Ten Co-Defensive Player of the week a few weeks ago. How was that being a sophomore at a Big Ten School? Dare: It was pretty cool. My roommates, once they found out about it, went kind of crazy so it was kind of fun. I think I only got it because the other team had a billion shots and I had so many saves. We weren’t

20/October 11-17, 2006

doing very well on defense as a team. Wake: You also broke a U of M record for saves during that game right? Dare: Yeah! Well, I think I tied the record but that was pretty cool. Wake: Chelsey, you had your first shutout against Brown this fall? Turner: Yup. Wake: So, did you both play soccer in high school? Turner and Dare: Yeah.

“The U of M is the only school in the Big Ten with two goalkeepers in the top 10 within every statistical category for goal keepers.” Wake: Did your high school teams ever make it to state? Dare: [laugh] Oh crap! We were pretty bad. We never went to state. We went to the section championship once and we lost. We weren’t very successful in high school, but they were good, right? (Dare points to Turner.) Turner: Yeah, we were alright. We went to state my junior and freshman year. Wake: What brought you to the U of M? Dare: It ended up coming down to playing soccer at the U of M or going to Winona and playing basketball and soccer. I just decided that the University of Minnesota was a better education and the opportunity to play for a Division 1 sport was some-

thing I couldn’t say no to. I didn’t want to be living my life wondering what it would have been like, so I decided to come here and I have loved every second of it. Turner: Basically, I looked out East a lot. I didn’t really look in the Midwest. It came down to Penn State and here and this just felt a lot more like a family than just playing soccer. Wake: What has been your most exciting game here at the U so far? Dare: Probably the first game that I played here, I think it was against Drake. Well, this season anyway. It was exciting to just get out here and play in a game that counted instead of just exhibition games. I think I had a bunch of saves that game too so it was fun! Turner: For me it was beating Dartmouth on Friday (Sept. 15). That was huge! With all the fans and under the lights and stuff—that was cool. Wake: Do you guys ever wish you were out scoring goals instead of saving them? Dare: I think it would be really fun to be a forward and run around out there—score goals and stuff. I used to play on the field during practice all the time freshman year and it was so fun. I like being able to run around a lot more instead of just chilling back in goal but I love being goalie and wouldn’t change it for the world. Turner: Um, yeah…well, in high school I used to play on the field a lot but once we got to a higher level on the field I kind of got shut down. (Turner laughs.) I got brought back down to reality pretty quickly. Wake: So you like being in the goal? Turner: Yeah, it’s safe.

Wake: So you two share the net. How is that? Dare: We go game by game and split weekends. Someone will play on Friday and someone will play on Sunday. That’s how we’re doing it right now and it’s awesome, I love it! I love training with this kid (Dare nudges Turner) it’s a lot of fun. Turner’s cool with it too, she told me. Wake: How does it feel to be a part of this gopher team which started the season with the best record since 1995? Dare: It feels really good to win and score a lot of goals. The last couple of years we would play really well but we just could not score a goal, now we score all the time…it’s really fun. Wake: So is the Big Ten pretty competitive this year? Turner: Yeah, every year it is. Even the last teams in the conference can come back and beat the top teams. Wake: What kind of goals do you have for the rest of your career with the University of Minnesota soccer team? Turner: To make an impression on the program and keep it going upward. Just being a part of rebuilding this program and making it a tradition is awesome. Dare: My freshman year we were absolutely terrible and the year before they were even worse. Being able to be a part of the growth process; Minnesota soccer making a name for ourselves, being good, and people knowing your name, it has been really fun. I think it would be really fun to make it to the NCAA tournament, I don’t even care what round we get to, just to go would be amazing for me. I think it would be an incredible experience.

\ Athletics

Getting to Know Lindsey Nickname: Dur / Dizzle Dare

Favorite Musical Artist: DC Talk Favorite Hobbies: Playing catch Favorite Sport (besides soccer): Frisbee / Basketball

Major: Kinesiology

Favorite Food: Anything with peanut butter

Big Ten Team You Most Enjoy Beating: Wisconsin

Ultimate Vacation Destination: The Colorado Rockies

Best Big Ten Stadium Atmosphere: Minnesota

Ideal Car: 1988 Bronco

Favorite Book: The Bible / The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Favorite Television Show: King of the Hill Favorite Movie: Gladiator

What You’re Most Thankful For: Jesus Christ Lindsey is a 2004 graduate of Apple Valley High School. She earned all-state, all-metro and all-conference honors as a goalkeeper , was a two-year letter winner for the Eagles. She was an NSCAA/

adidas All-Midwest selection, named player of the game at the Puma Senior All-Star Classic and served as team captain on the soccer, basketball and track teams.

Getting to Know Chelsey Favorite Musical Artist: Coldplay / 50 Cent Favorite Movie: Friday Night Lights Most Memorable Soccer Experience: Advancing to the regional final with club team

my girls and shopping Favorite Food: Count Chocula Ultimate Vacation Destination: Jamaica Most Important People in Your Life: Mom, God and high school coach Sarah Groven Chelsey is a 2006 graduate of Lourdes High School. She was a top-75 recruit in the nation by Soccer Buzz, 2004 NSCAA High School All-American and became the first goalkeeper ever to win Minnesota’s “Ms. Soccer” Award. She is a twotime all-state selection and three-time all-conference honoree. She was named conference MVP as a senior and named to the 2004 Minnesota state all-tournament team.

Favorite Hobbies: Dancing, hanging with

Men’s Basketball Gets Munsoned Again Time for a coaching swap By Craig Rentmeester There’s no doubt that both men’s and women’s Gophers basketball are in a rebuilding phase. The men’s team lost Vincent Grier, a third-team All-American and the team’s leading scorer. The men’s team also lost Adam Boone, J’son Stamper, Maurice Hargrow and Zach Puchtel. The women’s team had five players leave the team after the season that weren’t graduating, including Jamie Broback, Natasha Williams and Center Liz Podominick. The Gopher basketball program has seen better days.

versus a Top 25 team – Iowa, ranked 23rd on Feb. 18. In the Big Ten, the Gophers finished 5-11. Munson was hired by Minnesota to rebuild the basketball program after the Clem Haskins fiasco. He came highly regarded after taking Gonzaga to the elite eight. However, at Minnesota, it has been one let down after the next.

“Dan Munson deserves to be replaced – not by an outsider but by someone who knows Gopher basketball, Pam Borton.”

stock has risen since coaching basketball at the U. Borton’s record at Minnesota is 95-33 in her first four years as Head Coach. This season, Borton has a chance to reach 100 victories before any other U of M women’s basketball coach.

Past and Present

Let’s look at the numbers.

This year, Munson’s squad will take on Bemidji State and Winona State in its two exhibition games. Both are Division II schools. Then the Gophers will battle North Dakota State and Long Island. NDSU and Long Island had combined records of 21-31 last year. It’s better to lose to good teams than barely beating bad ones.

In her career, Borton is 164-79 (67.5 percent winning percentage), whereas Munson is 168-118 (58.7 percent winning percentage). Let’s not forget that Munson coached at Gonzaga for two years where he beat up the likes of San Francisco, UCSanta Clara, Saint Mary’s and Loyola Marymount. Borton, however, coached at Vermont University and led them to a record of 69-46 over the four seasons she spent as head coach. Her career-winning percentage has risen slightly from 66.7 percent to 67.5 percent since she began at Minnesota. Munson’s career winning percentage has decreased dramatically, from 75.3 percent at Gonzaga to 58.7 percent overall.

The Gopher men’s basketball team finished last season 16-15, with only one win

On the other side of the spectrum from Munson is Pam Borton. A coach whose

Munson’s career at Minnesota is a joke. It is borderline hilarious that the Gopher

The best place to start rebuilding is with the head coach. Dan Munson deserves to be replaced – not by an outsider but by someone who knows Gopher basketball, Pam Borton. You’re skeptical and understandably so, but there’s no better way to be a progressive research institution than to start a major sports experiment by having the first female coach of a men’s basketball team in NCAA history.

basketball media guide touts “five postseason appearances in six years” when four of those five appearances were the NIT. Borton has led the women’s Gopher basketball team to four consecutive NCAA tournaments, reaching the Sweet Sixteen three times, including a trip to the Final Four. In a sports world, where mediocrity is often penalized, the Gophers seem to let mediocrity slide and even reward it. This attitude comes to the surprise of fans that have seen coaches with winning records at other schools get released year after year because they can’t win the games. It would be a perfect opportunity to go off on a Glen Mason rant, but, oh hell, I’ll spare you the time. Pam Borton, or anyone else for that matter, should be given a shot at coaching the men’s team. If she starts right now, she’ll have roughly three weeks to grab the players by the balls and have them ready for their first game against Bemidji State on Nov. 3.

\21

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Bastard Arbitrary Awards Best band name: Herpe Birthday Honorable mention: Balloons?! Honorable mention: Kazoo n’ Kompany Honorable mention: Peter Marigold’s Parrot Parade Honorable mention: Peter Sarsgaard & the SARS Guards Honorable mention: Jupiter Assblaster & the Underage Boys Honorable mention: Pepto Dismal Honorable mention: Bloodsnot Honorable mention: Hootie and the Blowfish U.K. Most badass album title: Intensities in Ten Cities, by Ted Nugent

WEBSITE OF THE ISSUE

Which celebrities do you resemble? www.myheritage.com

(I got Lee Harvey Oswald!)

22/ October 11-17, 2006

What year did the five boroughs merge to form one city?

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