EL BURRO TODAY The Editor At last! The magazine that all UTEP has been waiting for has arrived. El Burro is here-oh my God! Gasp! Shudder! Not again!
Don't you agree? So there, forget your troubles. They can't be as bad as all that. Take some time to laugh at us and
No other student publication has been condemned
yourself. Come to where El Burro is.
so vociferously by church groups, banned so explicitly in Juarez, threatened so frequently with investigation
We'll try not to bore you by posing as an authority
by the Campus Police, and · lost so many editors
on the pressing socio-economic-political:racial-eco-
through murder, kidnapping and banishment.
logical-ideological issues of .the day. Primarily be-
Yes,
Mi~.ers,
there is an El Burro. And we will prob-
cause people who continually talk about these fhings
ably make you sick and nauseated. But in the mean-
are bores to begin with. Can you imagine a cool guy·
time, we hope we'll be able to make you laugh and
and a cute chick sitting in an open convertible on a
smile a little.
moonlit night talking about politics?
There just happens to be too many people who are so doggone mad about everything. What's happened to the humor in life. El Burro has a brief and sin:Jple motto that explains its philosophy: - "Don't get mad simply because you got mad at
This is not' to say El Burro will shy from issues that affect the student body and our society. On the contrary, El Burro will examine those issues, but will try not to champion causes simply because it /
might seem fasionable to do so.
s.omething that got you mad. Be happily mad by getting,mad at something that will get you happily "'
mad. After
aiJ, ~ there's
nothing like a person who's
So in this light, the Editors of El Burro hope you will find the magazine aniusing, entertaining and,
happily· mad besause he didn't get mad at the thing
at times, educational -
that should have gotten him •mad."
thought!
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ugh, what a nauseating
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article by deborah }nckown
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It seems students are always ¡ warming the air over something. Lately it's the Parietal Rule ,and certain members of the administration are noticeably singed around the edges. Many students, whether directly influenced by the ruling or not, are indignant over the fact that the school would try to govern their lives so closely.-.The arguments against the ruling have covered a wide range from civil liberties to the ever-increasing .cost of higher education. The students' rather cynical explanations of the crackdown have been hardly flattering to the administration. But some of the dissertations on the subject, however sound they may seem, are backed by little more than hot air and insufficient or incorrect information. Eavesdropping in the SUB and various other places on the angry speeches and protests, we discovered that although the rationalizations sounded good there were too many different versions of the rule and the reasons for enforcing it now_ We kept asking, "What js right?" "I don't .know," came the answer, "but I heard . .. "
YOU'RE .KIDDING ME! Is what this young mother-student might be saying as she proudly displays her exemption from the Parietal Rule - the slip of paper she's holding. The ruling caused a furor among students when it was first introduced. Now, surveys by El Burro and the University Housing Office show that students affected by the ruling are either resigned or apathetic to it. (Staff photos by Ron Hays).
The main controversy on and off campus has been whether or not the University has the right to dictate where students will live. It sounds like a gross infringement of basic human rights, but it's legal. On September 16, 1970, in the case of Pratz vs. Louisiana Polytechnic Institute, a three-judge federal court ruled in favor of parietal rules. On April 5, 1971, the U. S. Supreme Court upheld the lower CotJrt's decision. El Burro recently tried to learn of student attitudes toward the ruling and of life in the dorms by distributing to dorm residents a simple questionnaire. Of the 92 summer residents only one was sufficiently interested in his own situation to check a few yes or no answers and return the form. The whole idea was to obtain concrete issu-es and questions from the "inside" with which to address the administration. The questionnarie was evolved by us "thinking" like dorm students in order to come up with the questions. The only questionnaire returned exposed the holes in our thinking. This individual's only complaint was of the early-morning garbage pick-up. Don't misunderstand-if that one person hadn't replied, we'd have thought we halucinated the entire idea. After recuperating from the thud our survey made. we dug up the official version of the parietal ru le. In black and white, it says:
Despite the verbal protests, survey reveals student apathy toward the new Parietal Rule. Other students admit, "It's not so bad-."
"It is the policy of the University of Texas at El Paso that all single, full-time undergraduate students not living with their parents are required to live in on-campus residence halls to the capacity of the facilities. " Exemptions from on-campus residence requirements may be granted by Proper Officials: A. In any case where it appears that a full-time undergraduate student will otherwise suffer significant hardship or because of sufficient financial, medical or other good and sound reason shown.
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MAN-TAN REVISITED
The year is 1988. The scene is a small shop somewhere in Harlem. The man behind the counter is talking to a customer: • "Look man, . it's never gonna work. You just wasting' your time and money." • "But I can't give up now! I know it'll work. Look at my hair. Nobody knows it doesn't grow this way!" "Yeah, I gotta admit your hair turned out pretty good. That was good stuff I sold you." "And 1ook at my skin. wasn't born this color."
Nobody'd ever guess I
"Yeah, but you just don't act like what you look like!" "Damn it, brother, gimme a break! I been practicin' and studyin' for weeks." "You just comin' on too strong, man." "What am I gonna do? I fixed my hair and I fixed my skin and I practiced for weeks! I even bought a lemon yellow Caddy convertible!" "Take it from me, it aint' never gonna work. You oughta just quit right now. The way I see it, some of us is born black and some of us is born white, and you is better off the way you was born." "I guess you're right." "Sure I'm right. Now go on home and forget about changin' color. That hair stuff'll grow out in a month or so." "Okay, but what about my skin? How the hell do I get this black stuff off?"
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Sociologists and psychologists ·. have qeen warning us that the major American c!ties are deteriorating and are destined to die in the near future. Can you lmaglne anyone living in these death traps? I can. Take Chicago for instance: I'm in the kitchen wearing only underwear and .the · fan is blowing nothing but hot air. The electric power failed again this morning, it's impossible to keep ice cream. It is one hundred degrees outside and the humidity,is so high that one is literally bathed in sweat. The toilets are plugged up again and the smell is suffocating. Yesterday, as I rode my bicycle on the steaming streets, I saw a dismembered arm lying near the gutter, and large brown rats scurried half-heartedly from my path. An elder from the Ministry of Love spoke at a block meeting last night and gave, according to early morning news accounts, a "double-plus-good-duck-speech" on the current water crisis in the city. The speaker, an amiable man with silver hair worn fashionably long, assured the community that water pollution is being solved thanks to a new chemical recently discovered by the Dow Company that is twenty times stronger than bleach and able to dissolve bacteria, mercury, and atomic radiation to the ratio of one drop per one thousand cubic feet.. of lake water. He- told that special sanitation crews were working around the clock and dispensing the new wonder chemical in Lake Michigan. At the same time, however, the general populace was warned to desist from wading or boating in the lake as direct contact with the water could "possibly and very likely be injurious to health."
The
air inversion that gripped the city for ten days has blown away to the south; reports have that it finally settled over Memphis, so it is now safe to move about without the aid of gas masks. However, even the most hardy individual dare not walk too many blocks without stopping for a dose of fresh oxygen from one of the many portable Air-Supply Tanks located on every corner. However, the Ministry of Air has announced that they will purchase ten thousand new "Pollution-Patrol" cars as a move to combat and arrest offenders. An elderly woman in her seventies was publically set to the torch last Saturday when it was discovered that she had been secretly burning leaves in her back yard. Her next of kin were promptly carted off to detention camps and their property confiscated. The news media praised the "PollutionPatrol" for their "professional efficiency in dispatching the case." Conflicting reports have it that young couples are riding up to the John Hancock Building, the tallest in the city, and throwing their babies out the window as a form of warning and protest against the upcoming envionmental catastrophe. I have not been eating as well as I should be, and not because there is not an overabundance of food-it's
just that my appetite seems to be deteriorating in the face of a diet of pre-packaged frozen foods spiked with preservatives and laced with pesticides. I have a friend who is a butcher and he confesses that they inject the meats with artificial coloring and other ingredients in order to disguise the offensive odor and make the product appear blood red. (He says he is leaving that business and taking up a safer trade like undertaking - it seems that the little hotdogs were beginning to scream at him.) I myself stick mostly to a water diet supported by alcohol. The Ministry of Hunger declares that alcohol is rich with life giving properties and urges the general populace to embrace this diet so as to make the end much more pleasant. The people are also taking up the banner of hard drugs (by the millions) so as to facilitate their demise. (All of this is known as "prolefeed.") I just looked at myself in the Victory Mirror. It's odd, b~t the forty or so pounds that I have lost during the last six months have all been from below my waist; my legs look like legs on a high chair. My chest and shoulders are intact, but my legs are almost gone. (Perhaps I should walk on them more often.) Another thing-my teeth are going to seed! I was chewing bubblegum last Thursday and when I spit it out, I discovered two molars in the spent wad. Oh, and I must admit that much of my hair has also fallen off-the other morning I was surprised to discover a great shock of black curly hair on the pillow. I picked it up and ran to the bathroom, tryi_ng to glue it back on my ragg.ed scalp-holding my black hair under the dim yellow light and moaning sorrowfully. · All of this is very depressing, I know, but what can one individual do? I used to, long ago when the flowers grew orange in the sun, run out to Michigan Avenue and spill used cooking grease on the sidewalk in front of the Chicago Tribune.. But no one listened. I would even throw it on the doormen who stood guarding the plush apartment buildings on Lake Shore Drive. I did this to alert the people, but no one understood. And as for the doormen-they were so infuriated that they began screaming like wild men at my distant approach. A splatter of gunshots just ripped through the alley. The neighborhood hooligans must be fighting our glorious police again. It's a common occurence around here-the long - haired, filthy punks stand around the street corners in the night, twirling their zipguns. Those commie.jew-nigger-spick ·perverts seem to think that fighting the police will gain them power. How ridiculously absurd! Like Big Mayor. said: "da Chicagah Pleez are heah to preserve dis order.'t So ~hat are those sillies fighting for? Why don't they go pick up their beer cans off the street and do the community some ~good? (If this paragraph seems out of context, it's because it is fe(bidden to write derogatory remarks about our police- there ar_e special Thought Police to combat thi~ crime.) The.re is no doubt in my mind that the city is dying, but tile P!lople are afraid to . leave their homes. The
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authorities have built an invisible fence around Chicago that is guarded by spiritual forces. At night, flood lights beam their erie eyes around the city, and helicopters whirl constantly in the air. A recording, designed to lull one to sleep, is played everynight: "I got plenty of nothing and nothing's plenty for me I got no water, I got no air I just got misery'cause nothing's free!"
It's impossible to stop this madness; in the morning all of the workers are herded into buses and driven off to labor in the Loop. As of this writing, the people are paid off in appropriate amounts of gasoline and oil, respectively. Next year, who knows-we may get paid off in slinks. "When the Jews entered the ovens at Dachau the Nazis played hip Wagner music, passed out flowers and handed out free bars of soap. We are all gonna groove mit da showers .. ya ya .. by the way would you mind it if we pulled your teeth out .. jus~ step over here kinda. That's nice .. be boppa do."
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-Abbie Hoffman
Da Chicagah Pleez / .
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A concerned environmentalist describes the new scene in the Windy City.
fiction by carlos m01ton
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THE VICTIM humor by cathy dunn
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ECENTLY, a friend became victim to the parietal rule. Protesting that she was unable to meet the additional financial burden of a dorm bill, she was told that that was not the University's problem. Indeed, if the Administration chose to do so, they could make her live on campus until she was eighty. It was the sort of statement tl!ttt could easily be dismissed as simple exaggeration, but in checking the catalogue I discovered that the school is well within its rights if it insists that the dorms be filled in this manner. There is absolutely no mention of what age one must attain before he ceases to be fair game for. the Housing Department. A student who is a sing~e undergraduate not living with his parents is liable to be told at any time. that he must transfer to one of UTEP's faintly seedy dormitories. As such is the case, can one expect a scene like this when the semester begins ...
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Mouse Club, and it's not so much what she's doing ·as the way that she does it. After all, wouldn't you be frightened to see a nineteen year old girl wearing Mousk~teers ears and sacrificing a chicken on your bureau? The girl next door is also slightly eccentric. She hangs by her feet from a clothes peg in her closet. ·
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ELEN, really it was nice of you to visit me: And so nice of you to bring flowers. I just love plastic tulips. They're so . .. Well, you can wash them. I'll put them somewhere nice. Right in my dresser drawer. You remember that I was telling you about the girl who lives in the closet? Well, I figured out her problem. Poor dear, she has false teeth. What do you mean, how do I know? I heard her just the other day. A girl came by and asked her if she had any up· pers, and she said. "Now I have both uppers and lowers and never a problem since I gave up corn .. ." · "Grandma, I was wondering if you've got any problem with alcohol? You know, drinking?"
"Got everything, Grandma? Your pin-up of Herbert • Hoover? Your .electric back scratcher? I think . .. yes, it's right here in this box. · I didn't want you to forget your mustache bleach. Remember, Granny, twice a week with this stuff or you'll inspire them to do a remake of KING KONG."
"My heavens, what a question to ask,· Helen. But I guess it's natural. To tell the truth, the cou nselor came around and we had a little raid here. Yes indeed, Helen. Just like Prohibition ..He came up with a bottle of Ripple, three bottles of Boone's Farm Apple, and a quart of Hailey's M.O."
"W~II, dear, we're on the road now, aren't we? I wish that !-could stay at home with you and your family, Helen, but since I'm a widow ... well, I guess that I'm single but it's going to be hard to make a change at seventy-two. All those college students running around and having sex and going wild- Helen, could you speed up just a trifle? You know, Helen, ·put your foot on it? Thank you. You're a sweet child. Listen, what I wanted to tell you was not to worry if I'll make friends or not. I've been practicing all the things the kids say: boo 1a· boola, and see you later, alligator, and gimme an F ... gimme a U ... gimme a C ... Why, you look really pale, dear. Not enough iron, I think. And if I don't make friends right away, I still have my electric back scratcher. I won't lack for things to do."
Grandma is also disturbed by one other thing: sex. She lives on the only X.rated campus in America. Between Women's Lib, Free Love, Gay Lib, and her roommate's brother who has a fondness for sheep, nobodf is getting any rest. Grandma is really worried about the animal lover; while other boys are religiously reading PLAYBOY, he's drooling over LIVESTOCK MONTHLY. In her sweet and simple fashion, Granny has been trying to advise these wayward children.
A month later, Grandma is residing in Hawthorne Hutch where the friendly comings and goings of student counselors and dir.ectors is matched only by the amount of people going out the window on bed-sheets. Granny is sort of up-tight about things. For one, her roommate Shirley has a few strange habits. Every day she spend> three hours praying to Satan to bring back the Mickey
"Dear, don't you think that it would be better to wait until you're married?" "What difference does formality make? Doesn't love enter into it?"
"YOU
must not confuse one with the other, my child. Think of the benefits of marriage; community property, alimony, and child support. Marriage means never having to say you're sorry-if you nag enough, your husband will always say it first. Think of the beauty of it all; two human beings carping and bickering down life's highway. Always knowing just the right insult, exactly which nerve to hit. It can be a truly
Grandma: "All those students running around and having sex, I can'·t wait to get there" 14
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/2 p ·- , /2 p , . ·'::::7 i ~L~ . . '::::7 i ~-L~ .. . .. article by dave crawford
WE
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.are a precision dance team," explained Leah Rubalcaba, the head "digger," as we watched the other girls breeze through a routine. It was an uncomfortably hot afternoon, and t he temperature irr the gym where : the girls were practicing wasn't any cooler. Some of the girls ~ere obviously affected by the heat Sweat formed dark spots on their blouses. Leah went on: "This is a new routine we've been practicing for a day. Normally, we work on a routine for at least a week before it's used." Though often the subjects of unjustified criticism, I couldn't help admiring the girls' "de.Yotion to duty." What could motivate them to sweat like that for only one hour of credit, I wondered. Then J learned it's not the credit the girls are after. It's simply a matter of love-love for what they are doing. Leah, our vivacious· 19-year-old hostess, probably summed it up best for the girls. "I've always loved dancing," she quipped. · The girls held up well under the pressure of learning the · new routine. The number appeared complicated. Under the circumstances, I had expected to find tense undercurrents. But after questioning many of the sweatsoaked~ dancers, the consensus was, "We are performers first, 'fleople second."
THERE is a sad side to every story. The girls, too, have a gripe. They aren't given enough opportunity to travel out of town with the . other half of the "Marching Cavalcade," the university marching band. The budget cannot afford it, they've been told. Still, reliable
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sources say El Paso's Eastwood High -School is able to afford out of town performances for, its Trooperettes. The guiding light behind the 'diggers is choreographer Liz Gaidry, more commonly called "Miss Liz" by the girls. She is cool, patient and aloof, but she has earned their respect and maximum output Miss Liz creates -each dance in the 'digger routine. From a purely amateur standpoint, I'd say she's been doing her job extremely well.
DO IT! DO IT! Under the critical eye of choreographer Liz Gaidry, (below left), UTEP's fine bevy of beauties do their thing at practice. Pictured on these pages are: BELOW: From left to right: Nita Corral, Laura Montoya and Cheri Guy. TOP RIGHT. Denise Williams. MIDDLE RIGHT. Leah Rubalcaba. BOTTOM RIGHT. Identified from left to right: Nancy Ollis, Diane McGuire, Deborah Mathews and Patricia Butler.
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fJhoj_£ (i)teciouj_ 9-tatetnitiej_ . and :¡- ~otot. itie~ ~- ~ . . -
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Some say frats and sororities are no longer relevant; even dying out. The trend is toward service organizations, others say. Will these clubs continue to survive despite new
HE question of whether or. no~ ~ororitie~ and fraternities are dying out is no longer relevent. They are here and will be here for some time to come. Actually, they have as much place at a university as Black Students Union, SDS, or Women's Lib. And ' like these organizations, Greeks are becoming a product of their times. A university should serve the needs of all its students.
attitudes on campus?
Today these students are a varied lot. Being Queen of the May probably has as much prestige in some circles as being gassed by the National Guard has in others. Both are experiences a college student could find him-
article by elaine bleakley
self going through. Lately there has been a change in the Greeks and their organizations. In keeping with the present mood
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of campus activism (which appears in a. 40-year cycle, like some kind of plague), sororities and fraternities are becoming more involved with helping others. Some of this makes sense, of course. Greeks are, for all practical purposes, the only organized groups on campus. If the Cerebral Palsy Telethon needs volunteers to answer phones, who does it turn to? The sororities and fraternities, of course. Who else can supply upwards of 40 people (per house) right away? Greeks also serve a social purpose. On big, modern, impersonalized campuses, they are often one of few ways a student can meet with other students. But it's not all beerbusts and dances, despite the old movies.
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... a ~e aliue and we{[ at At UT El Paso there is only one formal dance in the spring. Not much to write home about. Yes, they've come a long way, baby. No longer are they the hard-to-get-into snob organizations. Of the girls who go through rush, almost all are accepted. And the Greek organizations on this campus are integrated, to some degree. There are few Blacks belonging to traditional organizations. In the last few years however, several allBlack Greek organizations have emerged. And the sororities and fraternities are no longer sanctuaries for the intellectually misfit-average GPA for Greeks are nearing the 3.0 mark. Pledges are required to spend a certain amount of time each week studying-and they do. _Things are not all roses-and-petunias for Greeks. There is the problem of alumni, who are notorious for dragging their feet about changes in their dear old frat and sorority houses. Things were fine while they were in school so they see no reason to change them now (never mind that rules were archaic then, for heaven's sake, and are ridiculous now). Alumni remain very active till the day they pledge to that great big house in the sky and will not tolerate any messing around their fine, old institutions. Case in Point: In preparing this article EL Burro wanted to photograph a typical pledge party. Permission was granted to attend a rehearsal at the Kappa Delta House. Then permission was rescinded by the alumni on grounds that it would be violating secret rites, etc. The Sisters over-rate their own fascination for others. They
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suggested we try the Zeta Tau Alpha girls who always welcome publicity. Here is evidence of the competition that exists between Greek organizations, who often have an unhealthy interest in knocking each other. There are other evidences of insanity. Rush rules for instance, verge on the stupid, but are explained away as the result of competition (that word again) for Sisters and Brothers. Apparently, one's Brothers and Sisters stick with one for life. Now there's a horrifying thought-that you will know the same people 50 years from today. But Greeks are steeped in this sort of mysticism. One's fellow-members should be as close to you as blood relations. Greeks spend a lot of time talking about the bond they have with other Greeks, often to the point of being cloying (especially for non-members). Greeks are changing, no doubt. Whether they are changing fast enough to survive is problematical. Their membership figures haven't kept up with college enrollments'. But they're certainly giving it the old college try (to coin a phrase). And is it so wrong for them to retain their old ways? Greeks don't have a corner on the silliness market-a campus would have to have strange standards to tolerate some groups that are around, but to refuse to allow Greeks to operate. Greeks are really innocuous organizations that set no bombs, instigate no riots and, in fact, often do good (an unchic phrase today, perhaps, but appropriate). Greeks are changing-they know they have to.
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"Good morning, University of Texas at-" "Yes, ma'am. What I need is-" "You have not let me finish, sir. Under Article Two of the Switchboard Operator's Field Manual, I am required to state the name of my employer and to make some sort of general observation as "good morning." This never varies, except in instances of ny.clear holocaust.. Then we are allowed to dispense with "good morning." However, there are many of us who feel ... Sir, what is that strange noise c,?ming over the wire? Sir? Are you there, please? "Uh, ma'am, could we hurry this along? I'm calling from a pay phone and I seem to suddenly be under attack from a huge black dog. He has this foam all over his mouth. There's a njce doggie . . .
Phun With Phones I
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operator, he's going to tear me from limb to limb."
humor by cathy dunn
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no, rna' am, I was not refering to you. I was trying to placate the dog. PLACATE. No, that's not an obscene word. No, I'm sure that it's not. Please don't take the time to check with the other secretary. The dog is rocking the phone booth . . . ooh, you should see his teeth. Looks like a training ground for Mr. Cavity. Would you mind calling someone to try and distract this beast? I'm just right out here a block from the campus-" 'Tm sorry, sir. This is the Registrar's Office. We are not authorized to perform such duties: Now if you have some record which you need checked, I will walk over to our files . . . " 'While you're there, see if my student insurance covers accidental death by being devoured. When you get back, all you'll have here is a body." "-which are neatly scattered here on the floor, and see if I can . . . " "He's almost in the booth now. I can't believe he wants to crash through the door just for the ecstasy of direct dialing. Really, he's going to tear me limb from limb. What the hell are they putting in Gravy Train these days? Maybe I should try doing a little dog food ... if I ever get out of here ~ve. Ma'am? would it be breaking the rules if you JUSt sort of raised your voice and remarked that anyo?e who wanted to see a particularly good piece of vwlence .~ould come right down to this corner and ... "-Locate that which you need, sir. Now in the event that . . ." 'What do I have to do to make you send help?" 'Well, I believe that I might be allowed to summon help if I had a verbal order from Dr. Finger." "Oh, that's wonderful. I was afraid that I'd be here for the rest of my life-all ten minutes of it~ How do I reach Dr. Finger?" "Possibly through a medium, sir. He's been dead for quite sometime." "Dear God, isn't there anyone more recent who can give you permission? I hate to be such a bother but I think that my face adds quite a bit to my api?earance,, and after the dog chews on me a while ... I d rather not dwell on it. Surely someone else could. . . . " "Yes, yes, I think that there's . . . oh, but he's on a very important research project this weekend and neither he nor the young lady can be disturbed. I never realized that the site of the Happy Hollow Honeymoon Bungalow was an old Indian shrine, did you? Amazing, isn't it? I mean, what you can find out from exploration ... sir? Sir? 'Tm hanging up now. I still have one bright shiny dime left. And I'm going to drop it in the coin box and I'm going to listen to the nice soothing rings as my call goes through ... OK, here we go. Three rings and what ... hello, Dial-A-Prayer? Good. Listen, what've you got in the line of a quickie? Something brief but forceful . . . yeah, sounds good . . . "
AIN'T SHE CUTE? Her name is Neko and the pet of Betty Anders. Betty is a senior journalism major and took the photo for her Photography 4207 class. We think it's a cute shot, but can't seem to come up with a caption for it. How about giving us one? The person who submits the best caption gets a buck (honestn. You can deposit your suggestion in the El Burro distribution box located in Room 204W, Student Union Bldg.
So You Like To Caption Photographs, Do You?