The TufTs AnnuAlly DUE TO BUDGET CUTS :(
VOLUME one million, ISSUE 3.14159... you know the rest.
Scarytown, Dailyville.
HALLOWEEN :)
KUMAR & PROCTOR
EXCLUSIVE: DAILMANCES END IN
“WE DAILSASTER WANT A BABY!”
TWO BREAKUPS, TWO SCANDALS, ONE SHAKEN PAPER.
WILL THE DAILY EVER RECOVER?
INSIDE THEIR SECRET IVF JOURNEY
Green Line UnExtended: “We take it back” Josue perizz / bisexual fetus Phillip Eng, godly supreme leader of the MBTA, announced on october thirteenth that the Gre(evil) Line extension will be undone. “Yeah, it was a stupid venture. I have no idea why so many people thought it was a good idea. The GLX was such a money bleed. This BIDENFLATION has got me and the MBTA moving away from the damn liberals,” said Eng. The GLX extension was unerected following the derailment near Lechmere on october one. He shriveled up in the cold weather. In an interview with the Daiky (because she is receptive to doing real, on-the-record interviews and is cool as fuck for that), Medford Mayor Breanna Lungo-Koehn expressed disappointment at the removal of the GLX extension: “It took a lot for us to raise the little guy from Lechmere up to his full length.”
It took a while to erect the Green Line, just like it’s taking a while for Medford to raise the money it needs for its budget because of decades of fiscal mismanagement at the hands of Mayor (Top) Mikhail McGlynn. Everyone (Bottom) glazes him so hard. MEDFORD, GET OFF OF HIS DICK. IT WOULD HELP YOU GUYS IN THE LONG RUN. An anonymous city councilor with a Bahston accent said, “The extension got turned off by Medford’s biggest ick: Questions 6, 7, & 8.” The Daiky did 5 rounds of heavy fact—checking and found that that is not true. The extension was turned off by another reason that Eng gave the Daiky. InarareinterviewwiththeDaiky, Eng shared, “We tried our hardest to keep the GLX at full length, but after Medford/Tufts said, ‘Ur a nice guy, I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ I knew the relationship wasn’t going
Marriage pact matches all members to one man
to last. The Lechmere derailment wasn’t the only thing that went out that night.” He then broke into tears and we ended the interview, despite him begging us not to. In a statement to the Daiky (because she only ever gives fucking statements), Somerville Mayor Katjana Ballantyne (but actually some underpaid secretary) said, “We are disappointed that Medford couldn’t do its part to keep the Green Line strong and long. Now we have to pay for it to be re-Erected and have it run through Somerville.” :(
The Medford///Tufts, Ball Square, Magoun Square, Gilman Square, and East Somerville stations will be demolished and the remaining track used as sidings for runaway Commuter Rail trains. (Yeah, like the runaways in the Thomas the Sexist Train show where they crash and somehow ‘nO OnE wAs hURt!’”) After taking some time for personal growth, Eng stated in a rarerer 2nd interview, “We had to bust the Green Line’s Balls[quare].” The passion for the Green Line’s Extended Cock has not gone
RFK ADMITS TO SETTING JUMBO AFLAME.... EXPECTED.
THE SINK IS CLOSING :(
DRINKS TOO GOOD WORKERS TOO HOT
EDITORIAL: Newsroom needn’t become freshman housing