A Blank Slate Media Special Section • December 25, 2020
20 Blank Slate Media Newspapers, Friday, December 25, 2020
Ask the Child Guidance Center experts In this new monthly column, therapists from North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center will be answering your questions on issues related to parenting, mental health and children’s well-being. To submit a question, email NSCFGCexperts@gmail.com. Question: We’ve recently been concerned that our teen daughter seems to be feeling more blue than usual. Her grades have been going down, and she wants to sleep all the time. When we ask her how she’s doing, she gets very emotional. Should we be worried? —Panicked Parents Dear Panicked Parents: The pandemic has created an enormous amount of anxiety
and sadness for all of us, including our kids. We’ve been dealing with this strange, new reality for eight months now, and there’s no clear answer as to when we will turn the corner and be back to our routines. The fact that your daughter is feeling stressed and sad isn’t surprising; in fact, studies indicate that these feelings are on the rise all over the country. Changes in sleep and eating patterns are common, as are struggles with the unusual school schedule. Kids are also worried that their loved ones may become ill. It’s crucial that you always keep the lines of communication open. As parents, we tend
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to jump in to try to “fix” what’s wrong, instead of realizing that sometimes, your child just needs you to listen and be empathetic, acknowledging their feelings and assuring them you are there for them. There are some things you can do to help your daughter, and yourselves, during this challenging time. Basics like eating healthy foods, exercising regularly, spending time outside in the fresh air and setting up a regular school and sleep routine can make a big difference. Of course, it’s important to look out for signs that your daughter’s issues might be more significant and require therapeutic intervention. Some warning signs: a continued drop in grades or refusal to go to school; withdrawing from friends and family; significant changes in weight, either losing or gaining; the inability to feel joy; increased anger; physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches; use of drugs or alcohol; and expressing thoughts of suicide or preoccupation with death. At North Shore Child & Family Guidance Center, we are seeing children and teens via remote therapy during this time, or in person when the situation calls for it. Don’t hesitate to call us at (516) 626-1971 for an evaluation. Question: My eight-year-old son is in school two days a week and home the other three doing remote learning. While he’s been on this schedule for over two months now, he still struggles at times. What can I do to help? —Port Washington Mom
Dear PW Mom: It’s common for kids of any age to have difficulty remaining focused on their remote schoolwork, since being at home offers up all sorts of temptations and distractions. While it can be hard for parents to manage their children’s classwork alongside their own work and other responsibilities, familiarize yourself with your son’s school schedule to ensure he attends online classes and doesn’t miss assignments. Another way to set him up for success is to create a small, quiet area where he can attend classes and do his homework. You can make it more appealing by personalizing the space with poster boards decorated with name tags, stickers and maybe some favorite photos. Here are a few more pointers for all parents: Encourage movement – build in time for exercise and movement before and during your child’s school activities.Reduce distractions including noise and visual clutter.Enlist your child in setting up a designated workspace that is comfortable.Give your child, and yourself, breaks during the day.Particularly for young children, give immediate positive feedback like a sticker or check mark on completed work to help with their motivation.Establish good and healthy routines in the home. Visit www.northshorechildguidance. org for more helpful information.
Blank Slate Media Newspapers, Friday, December 25, 2020
Family caregiver resolutions for 2021 Today, a record 53 million people in the U.S. are providing care for older loved ones. Caregiving brings with it many emotional rewards. But caregiving can be physically and emotionally demanding. Caregivers are stressed as they struggle to balance caregiving tasks with their work and other family responsibilities. They lose sleep worrying about the quality of care they’re providing. It’s no wonder! Today’s family caregivers are asked to perform medical tasks “that would make a nursing student tremble,â€? noted AARP vice president Susan Reinhart. The pandemic of 2020 has increased caregivers’ workload considerably. An October 2020 poll from The Associated PressNORC Center for Public Aairs Research showed that family caregivers now are providing 36 percent more care than a year ago, trying to keep their senior loved ones both safe and socially connected—this on top of working from home, and perhaps supervising their children’s school days. “Juggling all these tasks can lead to what’s called caregiver burnout,â€? says Gregg Balbera, president of Right at Home Nassau Suolk. “This is a sense of exhaustion when a caregiver feels drained of time and energy, coupled with feelings of anxiety and guilt. Caregiver burnout can lead
to serious depression, and raises the caregiver’s own risk of heart disease, diabetes, dementia and early death.â€? If you are a family caregiver, make caring for yourself a top goal. “Remember that if you don’t take care of yourself, you will be a less eective caregiver for your loved one,â€? says Balbera. Balbera oers some great suggestions to add to your list of 2021 New Year’s resolutions: #1 “I will build some ‘me time’ into my schedule.â€? Caregivers often tell themselves that they don’t have time to do things they enjoy, to visit with friends, or just to relax for a while. But respite is vital so you can recharge your emotional batteries. #2 “I’ll get enough exercise and eat a healthy diet.â€? Studies show family caregivers often neglect the basics of a healthy lifestyle. But you endanger your own health if you live on fast food and your lifestyle is busy, yet largely sedentary. #3 “I’ll keep current with my own healthcare.â€? Though they might spend a great deal of time managing their loved one’s doctor appointments and medications, caregivers seldom have the same diligence about their own healthcare. When was your last checkup? Continued on Page 22
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22 Blank Slate Media Newspapers, Friday, December 25, 2020
Family caregiver resolutions for 2021 Continued from Page 21 #4 “I’ll learn more about my loved one’s health condition and what I can expect in the future.â€? Uncertainty and fear of the unknown can stress us out. Getting a handle on your loved one’s situation lets you plan ahead, with fewer surprises that could catch you o guard. #5 “I’ll connect with others who understand.â€? Many caregivers hesitate to discuss what they’re going through. But it’s so important to express your feelings. If it doesn’t feel safe to share with family and friends, join a caregiver support group— either in person or, more likely these days, online.
#6 “I’ll seek professional counseling.â€? A counselor can help you sort through your feelings and provide tools for navigating the complicated emotions of family caregiving. Choose a therapist who is familiar with caregiver issues and dynamics. #7 “I’ll set boundaries.â€? As a loved one’s care needs increase, family caregivers often ďŹ nd themselves spending more and more time and head space on those needs. This is understandable when a beloved family member needs us! But you may need to say no sometimes. #8 “I won’t let ‘old business’ dominate.â€? Often the tables turn as loved ones
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age, and we’re providing rather than receiving care. Yet who can push our buttons better than mom or dad, a sibling, or our spouse? Focus on the tasks at hand. This is an area where your support group or counselor can be of great help. #9 “I’ll practice self-compassion.â€? Feelings of guilt are gasoline on the ďŹ re of caregiver burnout. Cut yourself some slack. Replace that critical voice inside your head with the same kind of caring empathy you would oer a dear friend. #10 “I’ll get help!â€? Maybe you have a wry smile on your face at this point. “Those are lovely resolutions,â€? you might be saying. “But who has time for that? I’m a family caregiver!â€? You don’t need to go it alone. It’s time to get help, and there are resources to which you might turn: Talk to your family. Be open about the many things you do to support your loved one. “Other family members might be unaware of the load, especially if they live at a distance,â€? reports Balbera. “They might be glad to help by spending time with your loved one while you take some well-earned time to yourself, by assisting ďŹ nancially, or by helping you locate support services.â€? Bring in professional care. During 2020, professional in-home care became an even more attractive solution for supporting the well-being of seniors. Professional in-home caregivers take over many of the typical tasks of family caregivers, such as hygiene care, assistance with man-
aging healthcare appointments and medications, light housekeeping and laundry, meal preparation ‌ whatever tasks need doing. They provide respite care so you can take a break, even go on vacation. “Hire through an agency that has stepped up to today’s challenges,â€? says Balbera. Balbera reports that Right at Home caregivers are always trained to reduce the risk of illness. They follow local and national guidelines on curtailing the spread of COVID-19. Right at Home has a task force devoted to keeping owners and caregivers up to date with the latest recommendations during this rapidly changing situation. “As families work hard to keep the most vulnerable family members safe at this time, having trained professionals on the team is a tremendous stress-buster.â€? Submitted by Right at Home of Nassau Suolk, a locally owned and operated franchise oďŹƒce of Right at Home, Inc., serving the communities Centerport, Cold Spring Hills, Commack, Dix Hills, East Northport, East Setauket, Greenlawn, Halesite, Hauppauge, Huntington, Kings Park, Lake Grove, Lloyd Harbor, Melville, Nesconset, Old Bethpage, Plainview, St. James, Smithtown, Stony Brook, West Hills and Woodbury. For more information, contact Right at Home Nassau Suolk at www.rightathomeli.com, 516.719.5999/631.352.0022 or by email at gregg@rightathomeli.com
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