Issuu

Lions and Tigers and Baers, Oh My

byPhilBaer

There are many creatures to be encountered in ourlittleCottage22gardenbut,regardingthetitle, nolions,notigers,andonlytwoBaersnamedEllen and Phil. The ones who aren’t us are starting to emerge as winter approaches and the foliage dies back.Thingswehaven’tseenformonthssuddenly peerbackat us.Giveusacallifyouwanttocome take a look, and here’s what you’ll see: two large tortoises, strange dancing birds, two herons, a crab, three frogs, a salamander climbing the carportwall,agiantant,anowl,aspider,awhalethat once was a weather vane, a moose, a fish out of water, a laughing frog keeping company with a laughing Buddha, a toadstool with a humanish face,agargoyle,andabenevolentgnome.

The provenance of our garden menagerie is as variedasitsinhabitants.Someweregiventousby residents who were moving out of their cottages, leavingbehindtheirgardensandwantingtofinda goodhomefortheirgarden pets. OthersIrescued aftertheywereabandonedincottagegardens,left behindbyresidents’childrenwhohadnoplacefor them.Butmostcametousasgifts:frommetoEllen the huge Buddha, from Stone Brothers & Byrd, washerbigChristmasgiftmanyyearsback; fromEllentome theyellowbirdfromtheNCBotanical Garden gift shop; from our kids, especially our daughter-in-law/naturalist the cast iron ant andseveralwoodenbirds;andaresidentfriend aget-wellfrog.

And,ofcourse,wehaveliveanimalsthatcome to the garden for food and fellowship: the fivelined skinks, as red-headed adults and blue-tailed juveniles; the green anoles, with their red, inflatabledewlap;treefrogs;pollinatorinsects,notnearly as many as there should be, butterflies having disappeared almost completely; squirrels, of course; and, birds drawn to the feeder and bath.

Takenalltogether,it’sagardenforallseasons,the presence of live plants and animals waxing and waning with the weather, while the faithful objets d’art provide year-round, albeit best in winter, viewingpleasure.

In the photo, taken on a chilly, rainy day, the Buddha and frog are sharing a joke and enjoying each other’s company, caring not at all about the weather. ⸙

of The Forest at

The Forester

The newsletter of the Residents’ Association of The Forest at Duke, Inc., 2701 Pickett Rd., Durham NC 27705. Published monthly except July,August,and Septemberbyandfortheresidents.

LisaCamel, Managing Editor

BethTimson, Copy Editor

DaveSloan, Layout Editor

LindaCushman&LouiseScribner, New-Resident Biographers

ElodieBentley&KenParker, Proofreaders

RichardEllmanandStephenKoff, Photographers

Catherine&SanfordBerg, Couriers

Yes, You Can!

Everyone has a story, and the older we get the more good stories we have to share. Why not share them with a wider audience? Write up an article;tellyourTFADneighborsaboutsomething thathappenedtoyouorsomethingyouknowand are enthusiastic about. You only need 750 words orsotomakeagoodarticle;andifyou’reworried about grammar, don’t be. The Forester has good editorswhocancatchanyerrorandfixit!

Maybe you want to write, just not about yourself. There’s a spot for you as well we need reporters who are willing to write about happenings or interesting stories here at The Forest. Maybe you’re good at interviewing we like to run articles on TFAD personalities, both residents and team members. Residents suggest lots of good ideas to The Forester staff, but the magazine needs reporters to follow up on those ideas.

If you’re interested, or think you might be interested, please contact one of The Forester staff members; all our names are on the masthead above.Thanks! ⸙

In Memoriam

Dr.HugoSotolongo

TynetteHills

October30,2025

November2,2025

Dr.LloydRedick November12,2025

President’s Podium

byElizabethGillis

CHANGE is a word we hear often but what does that mean? According to the dictionary “change” means “to make someone or something different; alterormodify.”

Change is a part of human experience. As children grow they change, and the same is true for all living things. Look at beautiful trees whose leavesarechangingfromgreentoorange,red,and yellow.Thenallleaveswillfallfromthetreesuntil winter changes to spring and leaves turn green again,creatingthecycleoflife.Rightnowisatime of change for everyone. Weather is changing from summer to fall, then to winter and spring again. With the end of the World Series, baseball season movesintofootballseason.Footballthenmovesto basketball. Soccer in the US overlaps with both football,basketball,andbaseball.

Change is also happening here at The ForestatDuke.Changecanbedifficultbutcanalsobe exciting and rewarding. With the completion of The Terraces, the number of residents will increase by 120 or 121. In addition, there are new residents moving into apartments in the original buildingandcottages. Wherewillwealleat? How willwefitintotheauditorium?Whatabouttransportation to DPAC and other popular series? How can we all take the great exercise classes offered here?Thelistgoeson.Wethinkthatweascurrent residents have to manage all the changes. Think again!

Consider how new residents change when they move to TFAD. First was deciding originally where to go. Maybe moving close to children and grandchildren or moving where the weather is nice?Thenthereistheprocessofsellingorvacating your home. This process can be scary. It is a major change. You might be moving from a home whereyouhavelivedformanyyears.Whatdoyou dowithallthestuff?Onebigchangeafteranother. Will you like where you are moving? Will people

Our TFAD Library: An Open Book (and More!)

byDianeStrauss

A Very Special Collection

Ifyouwander down theshorthallthat leadsto the Library Conference Room, you’ll findonthe oppositewallabookcasethatincludesatrulydiverse collectionofbooksofvariedsubjectsandcopyright dates. What do such titles as Music as Biology, Freud Vs. God, Queen Victoria’s Secrets and Happy Tails have in common? Why are some novels, essays,poetry,scholarlyworks, othernonfictionand NorthCarolinaguidebooksseparatedfromtherest of the library’s collections? Give up? All were written by TFAD residents. It’s a splendid collection! Good news! They can and do circulate. And if you’re a book author, don’t be modest. Donate copiessothattherestofuscanenjoyyourinsights, wit, wisdom and creativity, and in the process get toknowyouevenbetter.

It’s Never Too Late to Celebrate Thanksgiving

Although Thanksgiving turkey and all the trimmingsarenowjustahappymemory,it’snevertoo late to give thanks. Thanks to many of you, our first 2025 book sale was a rousing success. Who was responsible? It includes the kind donors who supplieduswithitemsforthelibraryandthesale, the library volunteers who examined books and determined their fate, the volunteers who prepared books and puzzles to display or helped out during the sale, and all of you who came to look, talk and buy. Although the cash earned was welcome indeed, what was most heartwarming was seeingmanyofyougatheringinformallytotalkfavorite authors, praise (or lambast) specific books, andenthusiasticallylugyourhaulstothecashier. Alsodeservingthanksare Sarah Haney andher crew, who prepared preliminary publicity and signage, arrangedforthetablestobesetupinthe hall, loaded and wheeled book trucks to them and afterthesaleended,boxedandbroughtelevencartons of unsold books back into the library, where they are being stored for future donation to the Durham County Library. Special thanks go to

Glenn Arrington, who did most of the heavy lifting and assembling and disassembling tables. Goodwork,everyone!

Please Recycle

While we are delighted for you to contribute booksandpuzzlestothelibrary,knowthatwedo not accept newsletters and that the only periodicalsacceptedarecurrentissuesofmagazinesthat residents donate for temporary inclusion in the double-sided shelves you see as you enter the library. Everything else should go to your closest TFADrecyclinglocation. ⸙

President’s Podium

(Continued from Page 2)

be friendly and welcoming? It can be overwhelming.

Anotherchange wemayhave tomake isin deciding the time to move to the Health Center. The fact that TFAD is a continuing care facility is one of the many reasons all of us chose to live here. It is simply a change similar to spring, summer,fall,andwinter.

One outstanding aspect of The Forest has alwaysbeenandcontinuestobethefriendlinessof our community and respect we havefor eachother.Reachouttoanewresident,introduceyourself, andaskthemhowtheyaresettlingin.Isthereanything you can do to help? Answer questions they might have about activities, dining, or transportation. Invite anewresidenttoshareamealandintroducethemtoothers.

TFAD is a great place to live! Another changefornewresidentsisdiscoveringhowtoget involved with your new community to see how it isrunbybothmanagementandresidents.Wecan and will learn to live together as one community committedtohelpingeachotherandgrowasindividuals. ⸙

Welcome New Residents

Betsy Hoguet

Apt.3026 914-356-7446

bhoguet@aol.com

We welcome Betsy Hoguet who comes to us from Bedford NY. Her decision to move to The Forest was influenced by a close friend who is a Forest resident, and she is delighted to be here enjoying newfriendsandthevarietyofactivities.

Betsy was born, raised, and educated in New York City, attending The Chapin School until sheenteredBostonUniversity,followedbyattendance at Hunter College where she received a degree in comparative literature. After college Betsy worked as a teaching assistant in an elementary schoolforthreeyears.

In1979sheandGeoffreyHoguetweremarriedandlatermovedtoParisforthreeyears.Their sonMaxwasborninParisin1982.Thatsameyear Betsyfulfilledherchildhoodgoalofbeingawriter when her short story was published in Mademoiselle magazine. The family returned to the US in 1983, settling in Bedford NY. The marriage dissolved in 1993. Continuing her writing career, Betsy published a poem in the literary magazine The Quarterly in1989.

(Continued on Page 5)

Stephanie K. Seymour

Apt.3020 918-645-6184

seymour@oknd.uscourts.gov

A warm welcome to Stephanie, a distinguished judgeinthe10th CircuitCourtofAppealsforfortyfiveyearswhowasappointedbyPresidentJimmy Carter.StephaniemovedintoTheForestatthebeginning of June, before heading to her beloved summer home in Crested Butte CO. She was born in Battle Creek MI and received a BA, magna cum laude,inPoliticalScienceatSmithCollegein1962, then went on to graduate from Harvard Law School in 1965, one of twenty-three women in a class of 580. During years as a federal appellate judge, she read numerous briefs and heard oral argumentsatthecourt’sheadquartersprimarilyin Denver. Stephanie became the first woman Chief Justiceonhercourtin1994.

Stephanie loved her career as an appellate judge because it involved numerous interesting cases. The most famous was Brown v. Board of Education, in which the Supreme Court held in 1954 that Topeka KS must desegregate its schools with alldeliberatespeed.Bythetimethatcasewasdecided, the iconic little girl who brought the case had already graduated from high school and was incollege.SowhentheCourtsentthecasebackto Topeka, it was shelved. Years later, when the

(Continued on Page 5)

Welcome New Residents

(continued from Page 4)

Betsy Hoguet

Atsomepointherwritinginterestschanged directions to focus on children’s literature. In furtheranceofherdesiretowriteandillustrateachildren’sbook,shestudiedart.In1990,uponattending a show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art titled American Impressionists,she was inspired by the landscape paintings and decided to become a painter.Shehasstudiedarteversinceandhassold afewpaintings.Herartcanbeseenonherwebsite byenteringhername, “BetsyHoguet,”intoGoogle. Atage 67, upon decidingtopursueanew interest, Betsy enrolled at Pace University to obtain a degree in mental health counseling followed by two years of employment as a child and adolescent therapist.

Betsy’sson,MaxRolandHoguet,livesinLosAngeleswherehestudiesart. ⸙

Stephanie K. Seymour

young lady returned to Topeka, got married and had her own little girl, she reopened the original case. Stephanie was the presiding judge and in an historic decision ordered Topeka to immediately desegregateandcomplywiththelaw.

Stephanie was married to lawyer Tom Seymourforfifty-oneyears,andtheirchildreninclude Bart Bartlett, owner of a computer-related businessinChapelHill;daughterBriaSimpson,abusiness coach in Durham; daughter Sara Crecca, an Albuquerque NM lawyer; and Anna Knipfer, retired general manager of the Friends School of Atlanta. A resident for many years in Tulsa, Stephanie was a supporter of the Tulsa Opera, Tulsa ChamberMusic,andtheSymphonyandBallet.She was a member of Unitarian Church All Souls. Her awardsincludethosefromtheFederalBarAssociationandtheTulsaCountyBarAssociation. Stephanie’sgreatloveistravel,especiallyto herhomeinCrestedButtewheresheenjoysskiing andhiking.Shelovesreadinghistoricalfictionand looksforwardtojoiningTheForest’sbookclub,as wellasenjoyingmoviesandlectureshere.Shewill also be matching up with a physical trainer and joiningyogaclasses. ⸙

“Agingisanextraordinaryprocess whereyoubecomethepersonyou alwaysshouldhavebeen.”

DavidBowie

(Photo by Sanford Berg)

Walking

byJoanSeiffert

Idon’trecalllearningtowalk.Therearenophotos ofachubbylittletoddlerwithwispyhairconfrontingtheverticalworld.Idon’trecallhavinganydifficultylearningtowalkexceptwhenIwaslearning to tap dance while walking, tapping in my patent leather heels with the black ribbon bow on top. I havebeenwalkingforyears…successfully. Walked to school. Walked to Brownies. Walked to the library. Walked to Mary Zweemer’s chicken coop clubhouse as a sixth-grader. That was at least a mile, maybe two. However, as an adult, at least as an adult in my world, how I walk seems to be the object of gratuitous advice and suggestion. Some observations came from a physical therapist following a knee replacement ten years ago. But not all.

Do you remember “Pat,” a comic character studyonSaturdayNightLive?Iamuncomfortable admitting that there was a suggestion that I embodiedPat-typepostureandstylewhilewalking butthiscamefrommysister-in-lawwhoneverdid like me anyway. And isn’t an accusation a kind of confession? I always thought she was a prissy walker, to be honest. [Why would one say “To be honest” unless this was just the beginning of honesty?NOW,I’mbeinghonest.Whatwasalltherest, truth-stretchinganddownrightlying?]

Now, Pat. Pat didn’t let her/his arms move when she/he walked with a kind of rigid, tight, arms-close-to-the-hipslook.Leftarmwalkingwith left foot, a style of walking in which there is no classic heel-toe movement. The whole foot and arm goes up and down in one motion. Clomp! Clomp! Loudwalking. I learnedthat Iwaswalking like that as I heard my physical therapist urging me to walk, hollering at me across the crowded room amongst all the others, “HEEL TOE! HEEL TOE!”Thatwaswaymorethanasuggestion.Itwas anembarrassment.

OneneverknewthegenderofPat.Thatwas part of the SNL sketch. As a viewer, I was curious, hoping the live cast would make the mistake that revealed Pat’s gender. I do worry as I get older, much of my torso has let gravity win, my hair is shorter,andIamapseudo-preppieunisexdresser, thatIamPat-like.AClomper.Ofuncertaingender.

Someone else,alsoapersonin a helping profession, told me that my right shoulder is higher than my left when I walk. How could I not notice that?AndthatImust pull in my belly, except when I am asleep. Impossible. Although she said ”abs”not“belly.”She alsosaidtomethatI walked like “a New Yorkmodel.”Irather liked that until I got aquicklookatactual New York models walking.Soblase.Soonefootinfrontoftheother. Ican’tevenstandthatway.AskmyP.T.And,there arenomodelswithbellies.Never.

Although I have been successfully walking for eight decades, I am now determined to walk better, challenge my Pat-ness. It works like this: I walkeveryday.Istartoutfine.Headupandback.I accomplishtheheadbackpartbypushingmynose in: I am not a turtle. CHECK. Eyes on the light at the end of the hall to keep my head up. CHECK. Right shoulder down and back. CHECK. (Or was it left shoulder?) Belly in, well, partially but when I inhale to accomplish that I lose the light I am focusingontokeepmyheaduptocheckmybelly.I have not yet taken one step. I decide to walk as bestIcanandstartoff.Igethalfwaydownthehall andrealizethatIhaveforgottenHEELTOE.

The hall is covered in carpeting. I must have been clomping. STOP. I realize that I can’t hear how my foot is landing anyway, even on flooring,becauseIhaveforgottenmyhearingaids. Tryagain.Concentrate.

Then I bought a rollator; it differs from a walkerbecauseithaswheels,butIcallitawalker.

(Continued on Page 7)

The Breakfast Tour

byCarolynConeWeaver

When my husband and I married, our adult children his and mine were scattered across the country and globe. We hardly ever saw them and feltmorelikeacquaintancesthanfamily,soduring our rare reunions I treated them like special guests. My mother’s warm hospitality had set the pattern. My parents welcomed visitors from around the world to their New York City home. Mother, Georgia-born and bred, served bountiful home-cooked meals, including breakfast in the diningroom,aftereveryonehaddressedproperly for the day. As my own children grew and their grandparents visited, I continued the tradition of sharing breakfast, properly dressed, though the menuwasnotasbountiful.

Later, in a new chapter of my life, my husband and I left the house for work at different times, so we fixed our Cheerios and bananas and ateseparately.Butwhenvariousofhiscrewcame to visit I tossed our routine. I planned on homecookedmealswherewe’dsitaroundthetablecreating warm family memories. And of course the day must begin with breakfast. In anticipation of those mornings, I baked homemade muffins and eggy strata casseroles. I had juices and fresh fruit and coffee-makings at the ready so I could get up early, dress, and be ready to serve our hungry guests.

My vision of everyone gathered happily ‘round the groaning board was dashed time and again.Thecyclistleftthehousebeforeanyoneelse wasupandbikedhisdailyfifteentotwentymiles. Theothersstraggledinoverthenexttwohoursin various stages of night-wear, none “properly dressed.”Thecasserole,whichhadbeenoozingits warm,cheesy-baconaroma,nowsatcoldandcongealed. Our guests would rummage through my one-butt kitchen, opening random cabinets and drawers, and stand eating (usually off paper towels) what they’d found at the kitchen counter or readthenewspaperatthetable.Someskippedthe meal completely. No passing of coffee or muffins, nohappyconversation.

Whether they intended to or not, the kids trained me. I’m a slow learner but my Breakfast Tour was a head-slapping experience by the time

it finally occurred to me. Why hadn’t I thought of this ages ago?! Now that I’ve caught on, I conduct theTourbeforewegotobedtheirfirstnightwith us. We tour the kitchen together. I show them what’s available and where to find it, from quickand-easy-cold to labor-intensive-hot, as well as everythingneededtogetittothetable.Itworksso wellIevenoffertheTourtonon-relativevisitors.

So now, thanks to my Breakfast Tour, each does breakfast his or her own way. I get to sleep late, I don’t have to watch in frustration as they lookforwhattheywant,andtheydon’tstresstrying to do it Carolyn’s Way. It took years for me to realize that they didn’t want to be treated like guests. All they wanted was for me to treat them likefamily. ⸙

"Oldageistheharvestofalifewell-lived,fullof memoriesandwisdom."

(MarcusTulliusCicero)

Walking

(continued from Page 6)

I don’t actually call it; it won‘t come to me like a well-trained pup. Now I use my walker sometimes,exceptwhenIdon’t.Thechallengegoeson. IamNOTPat.Myrightshoulderalignment is easier to fix as I can grasp the walker handle lower with my right hand. I did mistakenly think that it would be easier to keep my head up to avoidotherpeoplewalking,especiallytolunch,as I have been known to forget to look at various turns,nearlymowingdownmyneighbors. SometimesIstartoutwalking,concentrating on just one area of change: say, HEEL TOE. ThenImaycatchaglimpseofmyselfinawindow looking all hunched over as my head is down, checking my feet to remind them how to HEEL TOE. I am breaking the essential, first rule: Keep yourheadup.Thislearningtowalkisexhausting. JustcallmePat. ⸙

A Visit to the Death Café

byBethTimson

Last night I made my first visit to a Death Cafe. SinceIknowthatsoundsalittlestrange,letmeexplain what a Death Cafe is before I describe that visit.ADeathCafeisaplacewhere,accordingtoits literature, “strangers gather to eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death.” The organizers stress that it is a discussion of death, with its agenda set by the participants;itemphaticallyisnotacounsellingor grief support session. The purpose of the discussionis“increasingawarenessofdeathwithaview to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”

The Death Cafe model was fleshed out in Londonin2010byJonUnderwood,basedonideasdeveloped earlier by Swiss ethnologist and sociologistBernardCrettaz.In1982,Crettazandhiswife, anthropologist Yvonne Preiswerk, were studying modern mortuary rites and customs. One part of their study was the founding of a Café Mortel to discussdeathanditsaccompanyingsocialcustoms inregularbistros,opentoallcomers.

After Underwood had opened the first Death CafeinLondon,theideaspreadquicklyacrossEurope, North America, Australia, and parts of Asia. Asof2024,thereare22,152DeathCafesinninetythree countries. To use the name “Death Cafe” an organization must be not-for-profit, accessible, confidential, and have no commercial or specific religiousaffiliation;itmustalsousethevolunteerled process developed by the original models. A short YouTube video at https://youtu.be/ iVMBCZjk4c0showsthefoundingofaCafeinPortlandOR.

So: back to the meeting here in Durham. On a rainy night I went to the Southwest Durham Library branch; the two facilitators there were set-

ting out cake, tea bags, and hot water. They said they had taken over the job a year ago from the formergroupleadersandthattheattendancevariedfromtwelvepersonstomorethantwenty.

As with any group conversation, some topics raised fizzled out, and some had legs. One topic that grabbed everyone’s time and attention was the idea of how we view dead bodies. It started with one woman’s relating that her church group hadbeenstudyingJimCrowoppressionintheearlier20th centuryandhowhorrifiedshewasbyimagesofBlackbodies,hangingfromtrees,withpeople gathered around them talking and laughing. Another women mentioned visiting the Tollund Man in a museum and being both fascinated and appalled by studying his perfectly bog-preserved corpse. A man confessed to wondering, when he sawsomeEgyptianmummies,whatthosepersons might think if they could see how their remains hadendedup.

That led us into considering attitudes toward seeingdeadbodies.Wetalkedaboutbrutalexecutionsinearlierages:hangings,beheadings,deaths by guillotine, all of which were public events, and the various plague waves that had swept Europe. We discussed the impact of seeing gruesome war events with piles of bodies, once cameras became available, from the last days of the Civil War to news reels from WWII and Vietnam. And now, of course, gory dead bodies are a staple of movies, television shows, and video games. It is so commonthatwescrollthroughimagesofmassshootingsinAmericaandstarvationdeathsinSouthSudanwithoutanyapparentpangs.

(Continued on Page 9)

Death Café

(continued from Page 8)

We considered how people used to be more sensitivetodeadbodies,whendeathsoccurredin every home and at home. A beloved dead person waswashedandlaidoutinaroom,thenvisitedby friends and relatives. In our more modern attemptstoavoidanypain andsufferingassociated with death, for both the dying and the family, we havemoveddeathtoahospitalorhospicesetting and a dead body is whisked away quickly by a professionalteam.

Somegroupmembersspokeofattemptstorehumanize our association with bodies. One woman told of her son-in-law, a doctor, whose med schoolanatomyclassholdsanend-of-termmemorialservicefortheir“SilentTeachers” thecadavers they have worked on. Another woman who works as a death doula said that some of her clientsnowarerevertingtothetraditionofwashing thebodyathomeafterdeathandkeepingitthere forfamilytovisit.

The meeting ended after two hours, but the time had gone fast. It was an experience to hold such a serious conversation, with strangers, with no one afraid to broach any idea on the topic of death. ⸙