THE FIGHT SOCAL'S LGBTQ MONTHLY MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 2019

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California Institute of The Arts

Congratulates

The

Fight

Magazine For Eight years of serving California by bringing important LGBTQ issues to the forefront.

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THECONTENTS FE AT U RES

DE PARTMEN T S

14 REMEMBERING NACHO NAVA

08 THE TALK 10 THE NATION 12 THE CITY 18 THE TRANSACTION 20 THE ROSTOW REPORT 28 THE SHARE 34 THE BIG DILL 38 THE BODY 40 THE MUSIC 44 THE ART 48 THE CALENDAR

16 19 22 24 26 30 36

FOUNDER OF MUSTACHE MONDAYS TRUMP’S AMERICA THE ATTACK ON JUSSIE SMOLLETT SHAMEFUL NO US ASYLUM FOR LGBT CHECHENS SUSTAINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AVOID MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES DARKER ELEMENTS DRAGULA’S ISRAEL ZAMORA ADVENTURES OF THE HEART NON-HETERONORMATIVE RELATIONSHIPS LOVE MAKES A FAMILY GAY COUPLE WITH ADOPTED KIDS ELECTRIC SOUL HELIX MODEL JOEY MILLS

ON TH E C O VER ISRAEL ZAMORA COVER PHOTO, CONTENTS PHOTO & FEATURE PHOTO BY DUSTI CUNNINGHAM ISRAEL ZAMORA IS WEARING NECKLACE BY CUP & DAGGER CODPIECE COURTESY OF THE LIVING ART OF ARMANDO www.thefightmag.com 4 T H E F I GH T | www.thefi ghtmag.com

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THEEDITOR

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS Grey Crouch Sean Galuszka Jacci Ybarra SOCIAL MEDIA Mark Ariel Sinan Shihabi WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT Sinan Shihabi

>> IN THIS ISSUE <<

In this issue of THE FIGHT Leon Fox examines non-heteronormative relationships (“Adventures Of The Heart,” pages 26-27). “Whenever we engage in a nonheteronormative relationship, we engage in a radical social experiment that’s sends us into uncharted territory,” writes Fox. “There, we are pioneers, attempting to settle lands few have gone before. It’s possible these settlements will become unsustainable, unable to support the new lives we had fought so hard to create, and they might not last as long as we had hoped they would. But that is the nature of being explorers.” “We ought to respect ourselves for effort we put into our social experiments! We are emotional scientists, explorers of amory, cartographers of the heart—and we do what we do not only for ourselves, but for posterity.” “So many of us have witnessed first hand the false promise and senseless destruction of heteronormative paradigms in our relationships,”states Fox. “And whether they recognize it or not, the heteronormative world—and humanity at large—needs the valu-

able lessons we learn from our radical enterprise.” Also in the issue James Guay, LMFT provides tips for sustaining longer-term relationships from his personal and professional experience being a psychotherapist for over two decades (“Sustaining Your Relationship,” pages 22-23). “An impediment to long-term relationships is having unrealistic expectations that we’re suppose to be in a constant state of bliss,” writes Guay. “At the first signs of conflict or discomfort we may want to bolt. However, leaning in to the unease and getting to know these places we can become less reactionary and even deepen our understanding of ourselves and each other. When challenges in our life outside our relationship happen, we need to show up for each other.” And finally—with the current issue of THE FIGHT—we are celebrating our 8th year anniversary. We thank all of our advertisers, sponsors, readers and distributors for their ongoing support. Please join us at The Abbey in West Hollywood on Thursday, February 21, from 9pm-11pm, to celebrate the occasion!

CONTRIBUTORS Dusti Cunningham Leon Fox Sean Galuszka James Guay, LMFT Orly Lyonne Victor Melamed Paulo Murillo Pickle Ann Rostow Sinan Shihabi Brenden Shucart John Stein GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, LLC DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine.

STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief

Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2019 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion. TheFightMag.com For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001

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THETALK > > W H AT T H E Y ’ R E S AY I N G < <

NOW CHOOSING

DAVID MATHESON

“I continue to support the rights of individuals to choose how they will respond to their sexual attractions and identity… With that freedom, I am now choosing to pursue life as a gay man.”

“To Mike Pence who thinks it’s acceptable that his wife works at a school that bans LGBTQ. You are wrong... You are the worst representation of what it means to be a Christian.”

—Former “gay conversion” therapist David Matheson announcing that he identifies as gay, to the LGBTQ nonprofit Truth Wins Out, last month.

ARE YOU READY

LADY GAGA

“I launched a presidential exploratory committee because it is a season for boldness and it is time to focus on the future. Are you ready to walk away from the politics of the past?”

—Lady Gaga, during her Enigma show in Las Vegas last month, responding to Vice President Mike Pence’s defense of his wife’s decision to teach an art class at a school which bans LGBTQ employees, students and families.

—Pete Buttigieg, the openly gay PETE mayor of South Bend, Indiana, a BUTTIGIEG Rhodes Scholar and Afghanistan war vet, announcing his 2020 presidential campaign last month.

PART OF THAT

“When you’re in a relationship that makes you happy, and on social media you see people posting about their girlfriends, it feels weird not being a part of that.” MATT PACIFICI

WORST REPRESENTATION

—Former soccer player Matt Pacifici introducing the world to his boyfriend and coming out as gay on Instagram, last month. Pacifici told OutSports he decided to come out so that it might help other gay soccer players.

A NEW DIAMOND

“One of Broadway’s greatest lights, Carol Channing, has passed on. She rejoins the heavens as a new diamond in the night sky, and as she famously sang, they are a girl’s best friend. Goodbye and farewell, forever our Dolly.” —George Takei, in a tweet, on Broadway legend Carol Channing who passed away last month.

LOVE YOU LADY

SANDRA BERNHARD

IT’S JUST HATE

“I’m a follower of Christ. You know what Jesus said about homosexuality? NOTHING. But he did say a lot about love... Stop cloaking your hate in your purported religious beliefs. It’s just hate.” —Democratic California Rep. Ted Lieu, in a tweet last month, responding to Vice President Mike Pence’s defense of his wife’s decision to teach an art class at a school which bans LGBTQ employees, students and families.

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GEORGE TAKEI

TED LIEU

“I am so sad just lost my incredible original inspiration #carolchanning. I saw her in Hello Dolly when I was 8 and she changed my DNA... love you lady forever one of the greatest entertainers of all times.” —Sandra Bernhard, in a tweet, on Broadway legend Carol Channing who passed away last month.

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THENATION >> NEWS BRIEFS <<

TRUMP ADMIN: AGENCY CAN TURN AWAY JEWS AND GAYS The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has issued a waiver to a South Carolina foster care agency, granting MIRACLE HILL’S it a blanket license to PROMO PHOTO discriminate based on its religious beliefs. Miracle Hill Ministries refuses to partner with any foster parents that do not share its protestant Christian beliefs, having previously turned away Jewish and same-sex couples, reports Think Progress. After a Jewish couple was denied service—they filed a complaint with the state Department of Social Services (DSS), which responded by downgrading Miracle Hill’s license to provide foster care services. Gov. Henry McMaster (R) then came to Miracle Hill’s defense, assuring the agency he was going to work with federal officials to seek a waiver. Last month the agency confirmed that Miracle Hill can refuse service however its religious beliefs dictate.

FIRST-EVER NATIONAL TRANS MARCH ON WASHINGTON Organizers of the National Transgender Visibility March will hold their event a day early to accommodate a larger-thanexpected crowd, reports The Advocate. The event will now take place on March 31, a Sunday, following demand for a weekend march. Final details will be determined this month, according to veteran transgender activist Marissa Miller. “Members of the transgender and gender non-conforming communities will take a major stand against hate and discrimination when they rally in the nation’s capital for the firstever National Trans Visibility March on Washington,” reads a statement from organizers.

2% OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS IDENTIFY AS TRANSGENDER Nearly 2 percent of high school students identify as transgender, and 35 percent of these trans students have attempted suicide in the past year, according to a study released last month by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reports NBC News. The study validates similar findings from smaller clinical and web-based studies that have found transgender students face higher rates of victimization, substance abuse and suicidal thoughts when compared to their cisgender (nontransgender) peers. BRYAN SINGER

For more info visit: www.transmarchondc.org.

“CONVERSION” THERAPIST “CHOOSES” TO “PURSUE LIFE AS A GAY MAN” A Utah-based proponent of the medically denounced practice of so-called gay conversion therapy has announced that he identifies as gay, reports The Huffington Post. David Matheson, a practicing Mormon, told the LGBTQ nonprofit Truth Wins Out that he has “embarked on a new life-giving path that has DAVID MATHESON already started a whole new growth process.” “I continue to support the rights of individuals to choose how they will respond to their sexual attractions and identity,” he added. “With that freedom, I am now choosing to pursue life as a gay man.” Still, reports The Huffington Post, he didn’t denounce his participation in the conversion therapy movement, adding, “What you can take from this is that my time in a straight marriage and in the ‘ex-gay’ world was genuine and sincere and a rich blessing to me.” 1 0 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com www.thefightmag.com

“BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY” AWARD NOM CANCELED DUE TO SEXUAL ALLEGATIONS “Bohemian Rhapsody” has been removed as a best original film nominee at this year’s GLAAD Media Awards, following new accusations of sexual assault and misconduct reported in The Atlantic against director Bryan Singer, reports Variety. The LGBTQ media watchdog told Variety exclusively it has pulled the film from contention for the prize, in a weighted decision that takes a stand for sexual assault victims. Singer has consistently denied misconduct, and called The Atlantic story “a homophobic smear piece.” ■

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THECITY >> BY PAULO MURILLO <<

LARRY WILL, RADIANT HEALTH CENTERS’ GALA COMMITTEE CHAIR

corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and San Vicente Boulevard last month, after Block Party WeHo received several homophobic and threatening phone calls during the Martin Luther King holiday. According to Larry Block, the owner of Block Party WeHo, they received call after call that ranged from: “Is this a faggot store?” “You faggots are sinners;” “It’s not okay to be a faggot;” “Watch out you faggot.” Block posted on his Facebook Timeline that he blocked each of the calls, which was followed by another call from a different number. Eventually he had to call the Sheriff’s department out of fear for his safety and his staff.

C ATH ED R A L C ITY

ORAN G E C O U N TY

RADIANT HEALTH CENTERS HOST 35TH ANNUAL RADIANT ROYAL GALA

MAYOR GRET PETTIS, CITY’S FIRST OPENLY GAY PUBLIC SERVANT, DIES AT 63

Radiant Health Centers hosted their 35th annual Radiant Royal Gala last month at the Yost Theater in Santa Ana. The non-profit fundraiser celebrated the golden age of Las Vegas from the 1950s and 1960s. Poverty, stigma, cultural misunderstandings and other health barriers have led to heightened health risks in Orange County’s vulnerable LGBTQ+ population. HIV is just one of the most visible of those health inequities. The Radiant Royale gala raises funds for Radiant Health Centers’ services for the LGBTQ+ community, and for the men, women and children living with HIV in Orange County. All proceeds go directly to their clients.

The Coachella Valley is mourning the loss of Cathedral City Mayor Greg Pettis, the city’s longest-serving councilmember and the city’s first openly gay public servant, who died from complications related to a 2018 gastric bypass surgery last month. Pettis was first elected in 1994. He passed away after spending two days in intensive care related to the surgery. He was 63. Mayor Pro Tempore Mark Carnevale is next in line to take his place as mayor.

For more info visit: www.radianthealthcenters.org.

S A N D IEGO

LOS A N G E LE S

LA LGBT CENTER OFFERS LGBT HISTORY LESSON PLANS The Los Angeles LGBT Center has published online LGBT history lesson plans for teachers to use as a resource tool at no cost. The plans comply with the 2011 FAIR Education Act, which requires all California K-12 schools to integrate age appropriate, factual information about the roles and positive contributions of LGBT Americans and people with disabilities into their social studies and history classes. The “Out for Safe Schools” lesson plans include vintage photos and archived media reports. They showcase a wide

spectrum of topics, events, and individuals considered to be vital in LGBT history, such as civil rights activists Audre Lorde, Harvey Milk, and Bayard Rustin; the Black Cat Tavern Riots; the AIDS crisis; and the concept of “coming out.” For more information about OUT for Safe Schools®, visit outforsafeschools.org.

W E ST H OLLY WOOD

SHERIFF RESPONDS TO HOMOPHOBIC THREATS DIRECTED AT BLOCK PARTY WEHO There was extra police presence at WeHo’s Boystown area around the

BISHOP DENIES EXISTENCE OF GAY SUBCULTURE AMONG PRIESTS San Diego Bishop Robert McElroy denies that a gay subculture exists among men studying to be Roman Catholic priests. In a January issue of The Southern Cross, McElroy said he agrees that such a subculture would be a “threat to a healthy Catholic community.” He added that he has never witnessed the presence of such a subculture in his three years as Bishop in San Diego. McElroy’s report is in response to concerns raised at eight listening sessions last October and November throughout the diocese on the heels of continuing revelations about clergy sexual abuse. ■

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Rauschenberg: The 1/4 Mile Through June 9, 2019

Plus Rauschenberg: In and About L.A. Through February 10, 2019

Merce Cunningham, Clouds and Screens Through March 31, 2019

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Robert Rauschenberg, The 1/4 Mile or 2 Furlong Piece (detail), 1981–98, Robert Rauschenberg Foundation, © Robert Rauschenberg Foundation FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 13

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Remembering

Nacho Nava

“Nacho was an inspiration to many, and his spirit will live on in our hearts and memories forever.” BY VICTOR MELAMED

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founder of the weekly queer party Mustache Mondays—which ran for more a decade in downtown Los Angeles—died last month, reports Remezcla. According to media reports he lost his battle to pneumonia. In the wake of Nava’s death, many of the musicians, performers, promoters, and chosen family members who found themselves in his orbit are struggling to understand and extend his legacy. His inner circle’s first step—a scholarship and memorial fund— is tangible and could use support. The money raised on their GoFundMe page—www.gofundme.com/weloveyounacho—will go towards causes related to “homelessness, the LGBTQI community, and the progressive arts.” Fashion designer Ashton Michael told THE FIGHT that Nava’s “smile, contagious laugh, massive heart, beautiful soul and the safe place he provided for all the queer freaks to dance, rejoice and bond will be forever missed but never forgotten.” Performance artist Raja said: “My sister Nacho Nava will forever have her uñas did in chola heaven. RIP sweet babe….my heavenly Jaina.” The DTLA Proud Organization released the following statement: “Our community has lost a great friend and DTLA queer nightlife pioneer, Nacho Nava. His legendary weekly parties, Mustache Mondays, expanded the city’s queer nightlife vernacular and brought LA’s scene downtown in the late 2000s. Our DTLA queer community has grown & thrived thanks to the path that he laid before us. Nacho was an inspiration to many, and his spirit will live on in our hearts and memories forever.” n

FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 15

TRUMP’S

AMER ICA

Empire star Jussie Smollett’s violent attackers yelled racial and homophobic slurs, shouting “this is MAGA country.”

S

urveillance video has captured potential persons of interest in the homophobic, racist attack on Empire actor Jussie Smollett in Chicago last month, authorities say. At about 2am on Tuesday, January 29, Smollett, 36, reported he was walking alone in the 300-block of East North Water Street when two people he didn’t know started yelling racial and homophobic slurs at him, police said. They physically attacked him, put his head in a noose and doused him in bleach. He told Chicago police that the attackers yelled this is “MAGA country.” Brandon Z. Moore, Smollett’s music manager, said he was on the phone with the actor when he heard some of the attack, and heard the words “MAGA country.” “I heard that clearly. I heard the scuffle and I heard the racial slur,” Moore told Variety.

HOLLYWOOD REACTS After news broke of Smollett’s assault, fans, supporters, co-stars, and more flocked to his defense online. Fellow Empire star Vivica A. Fox tweeted that she’s “so angry and hurt” about news of the attack. “THIS MUST STOP!!” she added. “SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE! PRAYERS UP TO U NEPHEW!” John Legend tweeted, “Sending love to Jussie and the Smollett family after this horrific attack. We support you and 1 6 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

BY VICTOR MELAMED pray that you find peace and justice.” Kerry Washington wrote, “DEAR GOD! Prayers and justice for Jussie Smollett.” Billy Eichner tweeted: This is so awful. Sending love to @JussieSmollett. Matt Bomer tweeted: Sending my love and prayers to you @JussieSmollett. This is unacceptable and they will be brought to justice.

TRUMP’S RHETORIC For leading voices within the black LGBTQ community, Jussie Smollett’s attack feels far too familiar. “It’s just another fucking day in America,” Empire co-creator Lee Daniels said on Instagram, a sentiment that many people in the community are forced to face on a day-to-day basis. “Jussie (Smollett) is one of thousands of people who are victims of violence from homophobia or racism, or both, every year,” Earl Fowlkes, President and CEO of the Center for Black Equity, told the Daily News. Dave Garcia, Director of Policy and Community Building at the LA LGBT Center said in a statement to THE FIGHT: “President Trump continues to surround himself with an historically homophobic administration. Trump’s own Department of, so called, ‘Justice’ continues to argue the legality of discrimination against the LGBT community in the name of so called, ‘religious freedom.’ From denying LGBT adoptions, to nominating dozens of anti-LGBT judges,

Trump’s constant attacks on transgender students and on our honorable transgender men and women in the United States military, is deplorable, disgusting and dangerous. It should come as no surprise that hate crimes against LGBT people, people of color, immigrants and other marginalized communities continue to rise during Trump’s shameful and inhumane administration.” West Hollywood Mayor John Duran concurred, telling THE FIGHT: “Donald Trump bears full responsibility for hate crimes across the country… his vile and vulgar rhetoric has validated far right wing hate groups… I place the blame for this horrific attack at his feet.”

OUTPOURING OF LOVE Smollett, in a statement to Essence a few days after the attack, said “Let me start by saying that I’m okay … My body is strong but my soul is stronger. More importantly I want to say thank you. The outpouring of love and support from my village has meant more than I will ever be able to truly put into words.” He also addressed the claims on social media that he has changed his story and details about the incident. “I am working with authorities and have been 100 percent factual and consistent on every level. Despite my frustrations and deep concern with certain inaccuracies and misrepresentations that have been spread, I still believe that justice will be served,” he said.

FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 17

THETRANSACTION >> ZACH BARACH <<

HOLLYWOOD EVOLVING

First out trans actor cast in big budget superhero film.

Z

ach Barack, a 23-year-old transgender actor from the suburbs of Chicago, will appear in Marvel’s upcoming SpiderMan: Far From Home movie. He is believed to be the first out trans actor to be cast in a big budget superhero film, reports NBC News. Barack, who has also guest-starred on Spectrum TV’s L.A.’s Finest, posted the movie’s trailer on Twitter last month, then wrote: “Being able to work with other trans people is a gift. Trans people are a gift. Im so lucky to be me.” Barack will be joined by fellow trans actor, Tyler Luke Cunningham, who is best known for starring on the BBC sitcom Boy Meets Girl and will be a featured extra in the film. Though details of Barack’s exact role are being kept under wraps, his manager, Ann Thomas, said Barack will be playing a classmate of Peter Parker’s and that his role is significant. “He’s not a background character,” Thomas told NBC News.

Bring Back The Beauty Of Your Bathroom!

ZACH BARACK “He has lines.” Thomas, who in 2015 founded Transgender Talent— thought to be Hollywood’s first transgender talent management company—said it’s “amazing to see Zach... get a

big break like this.” According to Thomas, who is herself transgender, Barack’s casting reflects a growing demand for transgender actors. n

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SHAMEFUL Not A single LGBT Chechen has received asylum in the United States amidst deadly anti-gay purge.

A

BY VICTOR MELAMED

violent crackdown on LGBT people in the Russian region of Chechnya has resulted in the arrest and torture of dozens of people so far—as well as at least two deaths. Advocates, attorneys, and activists say that the Trump administration’s assault on the asylum system—exacerbated by the recent federal government shutdown—is complicating efforts to save others from a similar fate, reports The Daily Beast. “If you are from Chechnya, the horrible things that are happening in that area of Russia warrant a pretty strong asylum claim,” said Aaron Morris, executive director of Immigration Equality, a nonprofit that advocates for LGBT people in the immigration system where one in four clients is from Central Asia. “But they’re changing how hard it is to get your day in court.” In the two years since the anti-gay purges began there, not a single LGBT Chechen has received asylum in the United States. Last month, the Department of State released a statement in response to reports of increasing violence against LGBT Chechens, calling on the Kremlin “to live up to its international obligations and commitments and its own constitution, and launch an immediate investigation into these human rights abuses.” Asked to specify what pressure the United States has placed on the Kremlin to investigate the purges, a State Department spokesperson did not return requests for comment. n

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FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 19

THEROSTOWREPORT >> BY ANN ROSTOW <<

As for the delay on our crucial workplace suits, it can only help. Who the Hell knows what will happen in a year? Maybe the Court will continue to duck the cases. Maybe one of the far right justices will have a conversion experience or, perhaps after a Democrat wins in 2020, a sudden desire to spend his retirement years on a beach somewhere. And no, I cannot wish worse on our SCOTUS adversaries. Every man’s death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind, etc, etc…

ANTI-TRANS RULING A BAD OMEN There was bad news and less-bad news last month after the Supreme Court held their January 18 conference, which represented their last opportunity to schedule new cases for the current term. Which do you want first? By now you probably can guess the bad news, specifically the 5-4 vote to effectively block two lower court injunctions against Trump’s ban on transgender military service. Four lawsuits have been underway since Trump popped his bizarre and ill informed anti-trans policy into the Twitter-verse in July, 2017. Our side won injunctions in all four, preventing the ban from going into effect while the litigation continued. After ex-Defense Secretary Jim Mattis produced a revised version of the policy last year, the government tried to get these injunctions removed, arguing that the new terms justified a new court review. In early January, one of these efforts succeeded when the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia ruled that the “Mattis Plan” was significantly different from whatever it was that Trump announced, and put a hold on the injunction in that particular case. A few weeks later, the High Court put a stay on injunctions in two other cases, one in California and one in Washington. A fourth injunction remains in Maryland, but the government is pushing to have that one frozen as well.

BULLET DODGED FOR NOW And the less-bad news? Well, at least the High Court has declined to accept the transgender cases for review, rejecting a Trump request to pre-empt the lower courts completely and cut right to the chase on

SEND IN THE PENGUINS

ON THE HAPPY SIDE OF THE LEDGER, WE HAVE THE GAY MAYOR OF SOUTH BEND, INDIANA, RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, NEW YORK HAS BANNED CONVERSION THERAPY, AND IN THE MOST CUTE STORY, WE SAW PHOTOS OF THE ADORABLE BABY GIRL PENGUIN WITH HER GAY DADS SPHEN AND MAGIC AT THE SYDNEY AQUARIUM. the merits of the ban. The justices have also taken no action on three GLBT workplace discrimination suits, so we will be spared a crushing legal defeat at least for this calendar year. (Cue: single firework.) I was completely pessimistic about everything SCOTUS until I watched Jennifer Levi of the GLBT Advocates and Defenders on Rachel the other day. Levi

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told Rachel that she has hope for the underlying transgender lawsuits now that we have won the chance to argue them fully in lower courts. According to Levi, one of the country’s top experts in transgender law, our equal protection arguments are strong enough to win a majority even given the conservative majority on the High Court. God I hope so.

There are bad things happening to us around the world, depressing topics for our review including a violent roundup of gays and lesbians in Chechnya, a nasty gay-bashing in my home town here in Austin, an anti-gay arrest in Egypt, homophobic rhetoric coming out of Nigeria, a crazy mayor in Depok, Indonesia, trying to exorcise gay men, a GLBT immigration activist based in Vermont now facing deportation even as he awaits his asylum case, and much more! On the happy side of the ledger, we have the gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana, running for president, New York has banned conversion therapy, and in the most cute story, we saw photos of the adorable baby girl penguin with her gay dads Sphen and Magic at the Sydney aquarium. Sphen and Magic were given their own egg to hatch after a heterosexual pair had an extra one, and thanks to their diligent nest-keeping, the egg hatched in October. Meanwhile, the irresponsible straight parentsto-be in the colony were reportedly distracted and left their eggs out in the cold, leaving little “Sphengic” as the only chick to survive the breeding season. Since her birth, Sphen and Magic have been excellent care givers, singing to the little

> > ANTI-TRANS RULING • BULLET DODGED • SEND IN THE PENGUINS • BAD MOOD RISING • I’VE GOT AN ARROW HERE • FYRE AND FURY < <

one, tucking her in at night and teaching her to swim while the childless straight penguins cavort and eat fish like seniors on spring break. Put that in your antigay stereo-pipe and smoke it.

BAD MOOD RISING One of the disturbing developments implied in the “bad things” list above concerns a four-page letter from some Mandarin in the Health and Human Services Department that authorizes the governor of South Carolina to allow a taxpayer funded foster care agency to blackball gay and Jewish parents based on its religious posture. That is patently illegal, but not to Deputy Assistant Secretary Steven Wagner, who sees nothing amiss in elevating rightwing Christianity to the top of a religious hierarchy in the

allocation of public services. The exemption granted to South Carolina is likely not the first of its kind. Late last year, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton asked HHS for a similar waiver for all federally funded agencies in the Lone Star State. I hate this administration so much it’s almost unbearable.

I’VE GOT AN ARROW HERE I just went through a half hour fit of unhappiness, triggered by my last sentence which destroyed my capacity to share cheerful inanities in these pages. I soured on everything I read and a dusky cloud enveloped me as I grudgingly scanned story after story. I went through the obituary of former Senator Harris Wofford, who married his boyfriend in 2016, but all I could see was the jaw dropping age gap between the

92-year-old Wofford and his 42-year-old husband. Time for a cocktail, I thought pragmatically, but would that really help? (I’ll tell you in a few minutes.)

FYRE AND FURY And in unrelated news, I just watched the Netflix film about the disastrous Fyre Festival, and the bozo bros who thought they could put a bunch of sexy model beach shots online and somehow charge hundreds of people thousands of dollars for a music festival, even though they had no Earthly idea how to organize the infrastructure for a major event and seemed to think it would all magically come together at the end. In the course of arranging this fiasco, at one point a container of water bottles was held up in Bahamian customs, and a staffer was sent out to give the gay head of customs a blow job in

exchange for releasing the shipment—which the staff guy was prepared to do. Happily, the man gave him a break, but seriously? I can sort of see getting a blow job, but giving one? Maybe it’s my advanced age, but the whole idea of influencers and projecting false images of the perfect life online is jarring to me. I was schooled to believe it was bad manners to brag about things that would make someone jealous. If you went to a wild party and later run into a friend who hadn’t been invited, you didn’t mention the party because you didn’t want your friend to feel left out. This basic piece of etiquette appears to have been turned on its head in the last couple of decades, for reasons unclear. It’s another thing making me unhappy this minute and my cocktail isn’t helping. n arostow@aol.com

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Sustaining YOUR Relationship

Healthy relationships help us experience ourselves more fully, integrating all the various parts of who we are.

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elationships are potent forces that bring out our best and worst selves. They challenge us to face our wounds and inspire us to heal. Our earliest relationships with peers and caregivers model what’s possible for us in the world: the essence of love, acceptance, and connection; and the torment of hurt, rejection, and abandonment. Healthy relationships help us experience ourselves more fully, integrating all the various parts of who we are. So why do they so often evade us and how do we sustain healthier ones?

RAINBOW BAGGAGE To sustain healthier and more rewarding relationships we need to become more intimate with ourselves, being compassionate with whatever we discover, even the aspects of ourselves we don’t necessarily like. As LGBTQ people, we share one main thing in common—difference— that’s all too often the object of hate and oppression. Being a sexual or gender minority we experience life through a prism of color that’s different than our www.thefightmag.com 2 2 T H E F IGH T | www.thefi ghtmag.com

BY JAMES GUAY, LMFT cisgender and straight counterparts. While we share far more of a common humanity, our inherent differences get magnified and pathologized. Being society’s scapegoats we can then re-enact these within our community by targeting each other for our differences. Hearing all these shaming messages about our lack of worth or value, it’s no wonder we bring a little rainbow baggage with us into relationships. We need to unpack the many ways we’ve internalized these messages and the impact they’ve had on our relationships. Getting to know ourselves in this way can make it easier to navigate the natural ups and downs of relationships. When we wake up to ourselves we create an internal environment conducive to healing and growth. Alternatively, unchecked baggage can wreak havoc in our relationships because we’re operating under the influence of our plummeting auto-pilot and any internalized shame for being LGBTQ. When we approach ourselves with curiosity and openness, instead of judgment, we can more freely learn the historical and unconscious ways

we’ve tried to protect ourselves: • Preemptively judging ourselves first before someone else has a chance to; • Delivering the first verbal punch before we’re the target; • Hiding or walling off more authentic and vulnerable parts of ourselves; • Taking up lots of space. Knowing this, we can have a greater sense of choice, make new decisions and respond differently, fostering our relationships. Our first relationships in life also inform how we seek to love and be loved in adulthood. Ask yourself: • Do I only show socially accepted parts of myself? • Do I only show a curated image of myself that I believe will get the most likes and followers? • Do I feel pressure to do far more than others to make up for selfdoubt and insecurities? • How much do I let my real-self show up in life? Doing a deep dive into our rainbow baggage, being mindful of how it

impacts our beliefs, views, decisions and actions, and responding in a kinder more compassionate way with ourselves, is the process of sustaining a life-long relationship with ourselves and anyone else we decide to be with along the way.

VARIOUS CONFIGURATIONS How we choose relationships also predicts their sustainability. When looking for a relationship, what qualities, characteristics, interests and core values are you attracted to? Now that we have the option, do you want to be married? What form of a relationship do you want: anonymous, friends with or without benefits, monogamous, monogam-ish, open, polyamorous or some other configuration? Do you want children and if so, in what way? Knowing what qualities are non-negotiable versus simply the price-of-admission is the task at hand here. All too frequently we can either spread our net too wide and collect relationships that aren’t a good fit for us, or go in the reverse direction by having far too many requirements that make it nearly impossible to find the “perfect” mate. In this age of technological dating we can invest far more time online than what becomes a good return on our investment of time/energy. We can fall prey to the grass is greener hamster wheel where we’re in a constant state of replacing someone for the next shiny object that appears easier, more fulfilling or exciting.

ADDITIONAL TIPS Here are some additional tips for sustaining longer-term relationships from my personal and professional experience being a psychotherapist these past 20+ years:

1

Avoid making the same mistakes

In what feels like an act of cosmic humor, we most often have current relationships that mirror our earliest and most informative relationships in some way. In doing so, we have the opportunity to not only re-enact childhood wounds but also create healing through the process of awareness and choosing a different course of action. How we begin relationships, who we choose, and how we operate within those relationships are great predictors for their success.

2

Every kiss counts

Yup, relationships take work... but hopefully they’re a worthwhile investment of our time and energy. Our relationships require daily fuel: kisses, affection, greetings, quality time, encouraging words, gifts and/or actions to make the other person’s life easier. Proactively feeding a relationship sustains relationships through the natural ups and downs of life. Because we have an evolutionary bias toward negativity, we need far more positive experiences in relationships to outweigh this and keep them thriving.

3

Push through the difficult times

An impediment to long-term relationships is having unrealistic expectations that we’re suppose to be in a constant state of bliss. At the first signs of conflict or discomfort we may want to bolt. However, leaning in to the unease and getting to know these places we can become less reactionary and even deepen our understanding of ourselves and each other. When challenges in our life outside our relationship happen, we need to show up for each other. This extra support from our relationship(s) can be perfect

medicine for what ails us.

4

Conflict can be sexy

Relationships that do conflict well and resolve it, are much more engaged in their relationships which provides the sustenance for longer-term relationships. This isn’t about searching for conflict, but instead allowing disparate needs to be present, addressed and valued. When we approach conflict with vulnerability and openness to learn, we have a much greater likelihood of deepening our connection. This may mean creating fair fighting agreements in our relationships about what’s acceptable what’s not.

5

Ask for what you want

Healthier relationships attend to the needs of all parties involved, enough of the time. With self-awareness, asserting our needs, making requests and finding areas of compromise if needed are acts of self-care and ultimately feed relationships. Now this doesn’t mean that ALL our needs will be met ALL the time by one person. Sometimes our needs are secondary to meeting our partner’s needs in a particular moment. Striking the right balance is key so that each of our needs get met some of the time. Be generous with yourself and others as you get to know yourself better through the healing power of relationships. Whether you’re single or partnered, practice compassion for all of who you are this Valentine’s Day and throughout the year. James Guay, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (#39252), has provided individual and couples counseling in private practice since 1999. A former elite Gymnast and life-long lover of nature, he focuses his social justice activism for the LGBTQ population. Digital content available at: www.livingmorefully.com. FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 23

> > C O V E R F E AT U R E < <

DARKER ELEMENTS Dragula’s Israel Zamora on coming out, his work on television and the process of creation. BY VICTOR MELAMED | PHOTO BY DUSTI CUNNINGHAM

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ancer, actor, model and jewelry designer Israel Zamora reveals, in an interview with THE FIGHT, that people may be surprised to know that behind his beefy hunky masculine demeanor he is “really just a big nerd, I love comic books and love to read fantasy novels, I’m also a huge collector of art toys and vinyls and a huge fan of sci-fi and obscure horror movies.” California born and raised, Zamora had somewhat of a difficult childhood. “My parents divorced early on when I was about 8-years-old, so I had to spend time with him, my father, in the summer, not ever feeling comfortable in that situation… he was not the most accepting man with anything I did.” Needless to say the coming out process

was a little rough. “I struggled for some time with who I was not ever really feeling comfortable in telling myself this is who I was going to end up being, back then being gay was not as acceptable. The only gay people you saw were the super flamboyant character in a show or TV and that was not how I was identifying, it’s a rather long story but I ended up getting outed in my school and it was a very conservative community, I lost a lot of friends in high school once I was outed…” That was then. Today Zamora, perhaps best known as a performer on The Boulet Brothers’ Dragula reality show, reveals that “Dragula—the party—was and is my favorite event I have ever worked, the costumes and shenanigans that would

happen during the night were epic, there was really nothing like it and of course that is what led to the birth of Dragula—the TV show. The show has not been easy… it’s been hard work and long hours but I love being part of the show and am very excited to see where it ends up going.” Zamora says that out of all of his artistic endeavors he is most passionate about his jewelry design. “Sometimes I feel as though the pieces create themselves… When I work on a piece it is ever evolving into what it becomes during the process of creation. I will come up with a concept sometimes even having a dream about one and then I allow it to flow naturally, taking inspiration from the natural world, mineral, animal, plant, usually drawing on darker elements.”

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FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 25

ADVENTURES HEART OF THE

>> FOLSOM STREET FAIR <<

“We were letting the ideal of staying together take precedence over our personal growth and happiness as individuals.” BY LEON FOX

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hen my husband and I started dating, we agreed that we didn’t want a heteronormative relationship with standards and values that didn’t fit our needs. So we chose to enter into a dynamic relationship with a structure that would evolve with our growth as individuals. We agreed to try something radical—something new—that we would pioneer on our own. We were polyamorous; practicing the the delicate art of distance and personal space; encouraging one another to try new things, go to new places and have new experiences; encountering each other’s trauma and attending to it without enfeebling our ability to support the other; we made lots of mistakes, and talked about them after the fact, constantly trying to learn how to be better partners as we were growing and changing. It was as beautiful and exciting as it was daunting and (sometimes) downright terrifying. And I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

When we acknowledged this, the decision to break up became clear. And so we did—calmly, concertedly, and with the utmost respect and love for one another. The next day, we woke up and felt like a huge weight had been lifted from our shoulders; as though we had just walked past a dark portal to an alternate timeline in which we would still be together, but in misery and resentment.

RADICALLY QUEER

FIERCELY COMMITTED

Two and half years into the relationship, and we were experiencing deep trauma in our finances, emotions, and interpersonal relationships. This made loving and supporting each other in the ways we wanted nearly impossible. Critical mass was approaching, and we were unsure how we could adjust the relationship and still remain a couple. Then we realized something we had never considered before: while the structure of our relationship was radically queer, the expectations we had put on ourselves—to stay as partners no matter what—was, in essence, heteronormative (i.e “till death do us part.”). Essentially, we were letting the ideal of staying together take precedence over our personal growth and happiness as individuals, and it was for that fact that I felt like I was being a bad partner to him, and he felt like he was being a bad partner to me.

Since then, my husband and I have grown and changed in ways we couldn’t possible have done had we remained a couple, and we’ve come to realize that we don’t need to be together—or to identify as a couple—to be fiercely committed to each other’s happiness. This week, my husband and I celebrate our first anniversary of our break up—and commemorate the courage and wisdom we exhibited to make space for each other’s prosperity. My relationship with my husband endures happily and meaningfully to this very day. Now, whenever a friend tells me that they’ve recently broken up with their partner, I tell them: “Sounds like you you did the best thing for your relationship. Be proud of the effort you put into it, and take time to learn what you do from it.” Whenever we engage in a non-heteronormative relationship, we engage in

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WHENEVER WE ENGAGE IN A NONHETERONORMATIVE RELATIONSHIP, WE ENGAGE IN A RADICAL SOCIAL EXPERIMENT THAT’S SENDS US INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY.

a radical social experiment that’s sends us into uncharted territory. There, we are pioneers, attempting to settle lands few have gone before. It’s possible these settlements will become unsustainable, unable to support the new lives we had fought so hard to create, and they might not last as long as we had hoped they would. But that is the nature of being explorers.

TAKE PRIDE Why should we judge the success of our queer settlements against the standards of the heteronormative empire? Why are we beating ourselves up and contemplating failure, when those very “failures” are defined by institutions we already renounce? We ought to respect ourselves for effort we put into our social experiments! We are emotional scientists, explorers of amory, cartographers of the heart— and we do what we do not only for ourselves, but for posterity. So many of us have witnessed first hand the false promise and senseless destruction of heteronormative paradigms in our relationships. And whether they recognize it or not, the heteronormative world—and humanity at large— needs the valuable lessons we learn from our radical enterprise. Take pride in your non-normative relationships. I spoke openly and often about my relationship with my husband, and I continue to do so, even after its conclusion. The experiment isn’t over. In a way, it actually never ends. By sharing our experiences with others, we allow for them to make educated decisions and have create rewarding relationships as they experiment on their own. We’re all in this together, folks. Keep it up, and keep talking about it. Leon Fox is an artist, musician, and adult film performer living in San Francisco. You can find him at instagram.com/leonfoxtrot/

FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE TH E F I GH T 27

THESHARE

THIS PAGE IS SPONSORED BY

>> BY PAULO MURILLO <<

DATINGSOBER

We asked a few local clean and sober folks, with various lengths of recovery time, how they navigate through dating in sobriety.

DISCOVER YOURSELF

“I find it way easier to date in sobriety. Before I was sober, I didn’t know how to love myself. Recovery is all about self-discovery, so until you discover yourself, you’re not really available for anything else. I’m always upfront about my recovery. That comes first. If the person is not in recovery, they need to be fully supportive of that, otherwise I need to look elsewhere. I did just meet somebody and we’re getting to know each other. So far, it’s really nice. He’s not in the program, but he is open-minded. I don’t have a preference between sober guys or non sober guys. The only thing that’s important is that they need to be supportive of my journey. As long as the person is successful in their own life within themselves, not just the outsides—that’s what I find most attractive.” —Jacob Hall, sober since November 17, 2015.

JACOB HALL

SETTING BOUNDARIES MICHAEL SHAHIN

GINGERLY APPROACH “I currently have a boyfriend. We’re both in early sobriety and went into treatment around the same time. It’s not my first time getting sober, but this is his first time. What that means is I’m potentially getting to know a person I never met. There are lots of ways I want to approach this with as much respect as possible, given our circumstances. There is a perspective of being reborn. I want

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to use all the tools I’m learning in recovery to gingerly approach the situation. I’m considering all of the pitfalls, and challenges that new sobriety brings and having that frame what the relationship could potentially be. I feel like I have an opportunity to meet a new person today. This new person could be recognizing things that he likes and dislikes from a whole new mindset and I’m intrigued by the whole idea of getting to know him all over again and falling in love again.” —Chris Bates, sober since August 6, 2018.

CHRIS BATES

“I’m currently dating a normie [a person who drinks non-alcoholically]. I keep an open mind. I just found somebody that shares similar interest. For me it’s really important to be transparent and honest about how I feel. I have to constantly remind myself that my partner is not a mind reader and when I do open up, it always helps in setting boundaries for myself. What’s been really helpful is having a really close support group. I have a good sponsor and friends in the program that I can talk to. Sometimes the thoughts are insane and you need assistance outside of your own mind. It actually helps to become levelheaded again. It’s also crucial to know when you need self-care, because if you can’t put yourself first and love yourself, you’re not going to be able to love anyone else.” —Michael Shahin, sober since March 23, 2013

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www.everlastingadoptions.com FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 29

FROM L-R: RANDY, CONNOR, SCOTT, AND CHASE > > R E I N C A R N AT I O N < <

Randal and Scott Martin-Black, a gay couple with two adopted kids, on finding the right agency, entering a lifelong duty and answering silly questions some straight people ask BY SEAN WOLF GALUSZKA

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while back, gay adoption and “gaybies” seemed all the rage. Baby Gap and Rosie O’Donnell cruises exploded. The gay-centric BBC comedy Absolutely Fabulous featured a hysterical episode about adopting Romanian babies. But kidding aside, as a gay person, adoption seems the most socially and ecologically responsible move. Darwinism tells us we’re not here to procreate, but still we experience paternal/maternal instincts and create loving home environments. The fad has died, but with the staggering volume of children in foster care, it seems a waste of planetary resources to turn away from building a family through adoption. The enormity of taking on a child’s well being, however, sounds like a life sentence and frankly scares the parent out of me. I consulted “experts” Randal and Scott Martin-Black who’ve been raising two adopted boys the last twenty years. 3 0 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

When are you ready? “Becoming parents, entering a lifelong duty isn’t for the light hearted. A couple in their third year thought adoption was their next step. My advice was, ‘get a few more years under your belt. Have about a hundred arguments and develop the ability to move past those arguments. Resolve them, hopefully before going to bed. Also, if you’re not truly out, address that. Being parents forced us to be extremely, publicly out. You’re visible to everyone, schools, their friends, their friend’s parents, etc. Adopting is a further outing experience. Finally, taking on the responsibility of rescuing a child and bringing them into a loving, safe home doesn’t mean one must be rich and have bigger toys, a massive home, or expensive clothes.”

How did you begin? “We contacted two Foster Family

Agencies (FFAs), which ended up disappointing. The first ran into legal issues. The second was religious based and when our file made it to a new director, the process slowed to a crawl. Randy inquired why they weren’t finalizing the licensing of our home (required by the ‘Foster/Adoption’ program). They said the new director didn’t want to deal with a gay couple. We were furious having spent several weekends taking their mandatory child rearing classes. However, that is what led us to the LA County’s Department of Children & Family Services (DCFS). The DCFS and our social worker were awesome and had no issue with our being gay.”

Do you decide what sex/age/ background, etc.? “We kept our profile fairly general, but reviewed selections including sex, ethnicity, etc. We were required to specify

>> ADOPTION <<

age, so we chose 1 to 3. It’s important to note, the more narrow your selection, i.e., newborn baby boy/girl, hair color, eye color, etc.... the longer you will have to wait. We believe it was fate our two-yearold ‘cherub’ came to us for a parent/child match. Connor. We were blessed!”

And a couple of years later you adopted Chase, just under three years old… Are kids from the system troubled? Don’t two mean twice the emotional and financial stress? “As far as ‘troubled’, that’s generally not true—depending on circumstances and the child’s age. Our boys were so little they don’t remember anything before Papa Scott and Daddy Randy. I’ve heard nightmare stories where a child is very challenging and the adoptive parents are going crazy. That’s an exception and never discouraged us. There are thousands of foster kids in the county system who all need love and a permanent home. Adding a second child wasn’t a big stretch. It didn’t double our responsibilities or finances. When the boys were little, it was just, ‘Who’s first in the tub?’ as one finished up—the next one jumped in. Story time was more fun with two, and dinners... we just cooked a little larger portion.”

Do hetero families get uncomfortable when they meet you? “As gay dads with two sons, we have had many more positive stories of acceptance than negative ones. But people would ask, ‘The wives let the boys out for an evening dinner?’ We always answered, ‘No, there are no wives. It’s just us... we are their dads.’ It was hilarious to see their puzzled look, and then that... ‘Oh... Ohhhhhhh’ response. Surprisingly, several times people asked, ‘Are you training your kids to be gay?’ Randy usually replied with, ‘No, it doesn’t work like that. They’ll be their own individual persons with their own unique personalities. By all indications, I would bet they are 100% straight.’ On the other hand, Scott would acknowledge it as a good question recognizing the person asking might have felt uncomfortable, yet still had courage to speak up. Answers are better received with an open mind, so he’d never make them feel stupid for asking.”

How did your family and friends react to you adopting kids? Both sets of grandparents were ex-

“THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF FOSTER KIDS IN THE COUNTY SYSTEM WHO ALL NEED LOVE AND A PERMANENT HOME.” cited. Randy’s dad, a Wisconsin born and raised Dairy Farmer often said, ‘Those are two lucky little boys to have parents as wonderful as you!’ I know he was proud. Randy’s conservative mother was hesitant to disclose to rural Wisconsinite neighbors her son was gay and even more frightening, married. But once we adopted Connor, she told everyone about her gay son, his husband, and their beautiful child. That first adoption was all it took. On a field trip our friend Steve was chaperoning, he overheard Connor and other fifth grade boys talking about their moms. When they got to Connor, they snidely said, ‘Oh, that’s right.... You don’t HAVE a mom.’ Connor calmly responded, ‘Yep, you’re right. I don’t, but I have two dads and they love me very much.’ We were so proud and relieved Connor felt prepared enough to respond in such a mature manner.”

Should you tell your adopted children about their past? “We believed the boys should know as soon as they could and made sure they understood they had loving mothers. However, love alone does not make a parent. It may not have been their time. We hope they grew up or away from what challenged them, and that they have families now. And

if the boys feel the desire to track down their biological parents, we will help them.”

Can you offer our readers some practical, nuts and bolts advice on raising kids. “Both parents need to give each other room for meltdowns, recognize each other for successful outcomes, and know when to back off from finger pointing. Shit happens! Don’t allow gaming systems until you have a strong handle on time limits. And install systems that automatically cut off airtime. Wait as long as you can before giving them any handheld device, especially if it’s alternative to engaging with them. Listen to your kids, no matter what their age. Teach them everything you know. Continuously learn from each other. They will certainly broaden your horizons and sometimes just keep you current on popular culture. Teach them basic manners and to be respectful. Regularly remind yourself and your partner how wonderful you are at handling the life events (big and small) that mold these little people. Remember, as often as possible, everyday if you can, to tell your child(ren) you love them and tell your partner the same. Affirmations and recognition leave beautiful traces.” FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 31

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FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 33

THEBIGDILL >> BY PICKLE <<

Chester Lockhart

BEING CHESTER

Pickle breaks bread with internet personality, actor, singer, dancer and musician Chester Lockhart at Paley Hollywood.

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hester Lockhart’s ears shimmer. I mean that literally. When we settled in to our booth at the beautiful Paley in Hollywood, I couldn’t help but notice that his ears almost seemed as if they were coated in some kind of holographic glaze. This made perfect sense to me though; Chester’s entire being is rather etherial, as if he wasn’t born but rather transported here from some magical Elvin Kingdom where the water is made of virgin tears and wrinkles simply don’t exist. His skin is almost eerily smooth, his lips are always in a slight pout. Long story short, he’s gorgeous. But Chester is a goofball. I asked him what he thought of himself first, before anything else. “I would say I’m a comedian first, honestly. A sense of irony pervades everything I do, and I’m never off. Right, I’m always on?”

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UNLEASHED IN THE BIG CITY, CHESTER STRUGGLED TO FIND PARTS AS AN ACTOR. “I WAS TOO GAY, OR TOO ASIAN OR TOO WHITE. IT WAS LIKE, YOU NEED TO BUTCH IT UP AND CAN YOU IMAGINE ME TRYING TO BE BUTCH, BITCH? SO I WAS DANCING BECAUSE THAT’S WHERE I WAS GETTING WORK, BUT IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING.”

He directed this last question to his dear friend Soju, a lovely queen and recent transplant from Chicago, who quietly tinkered on her phone. When our food arrived—I ordered the delicious Wagyu Burger with cheese and no bun but with tater tots because they are TATER TOTS for god’s sake— Chester enjoyed a fried chicken sandwich and Soju ordered the fabulous Salmon Burger. We all ordered Cold Brew iced coffee because, well, homosexuality. Our server, the delightful Johnny, brought us steak knives which I admitted made me nervous; sure enough not ten seconds had passed before Soju shrieked, realizing his nail polish hadn’t dried, and the steak knife hurtled to the ground, narrowly missing poor Johnny’s toes. We chuckled and got to Chester’s mysterious past.

>> INTERVIEW WITH CHESTER LOCKHART <<

“PRAY AWAY THE GAY” CAMP

Chester is from Riverside County, born in Chino Hills and raised in Lake Elsinore (which does sound like an Elvin Kingdom, right?!), “Where the meth runs freely,” he sighed. He moved to Los Angeles at 17 to pursue a career in entertainment, leaving his doting Korean mother and a father who is “very Danish,” whatever that means. Both are deeply conservative and religious, which has been a challenge for Chester, who was sent to “Pray Away the Gay” camp at 14. An experience he said was laughable because “try to pray this gay away, bitch! Ain’t gonna happen mawma *tongue pop*.” Their home is decorated in Trump paraphernalia, but recently, Chester has found a stronger connection to his parents, who seem to have realized that loving each other should be the priority in their increasing age. Unleashed in the big city, Chester struggled to find parts as an actor. “I was too gay, or too Asian or too white. It was like, you need to butch it up and can you imagine me trying to be butch, bitch? So I was dancing because that’s where I was getting work, but it was so frustrating.” He worked as a dancer on various projects including VicTORIous with a younger, paler Arianna Grande and eventually landing with Todrick Hall in a production of Hairspray in Long Beach. I asked who he played. “One of the white kids. They put glasses on me to make me seem whiter.” Mentally adding that to my long list of grievances against the whitewashed nightmare that is Hairspray the Musical, I asked about his experience with Todrick, who is his best friend and long time collaborator. Turns out, Chester was a key behind the scenes player in a good deal of Todrick’s work from 2012 to 2016; he stepped behind the scenes producing, editing, connecting the dots. It was in doing that work that Chester built the skills he would need to launch himself as a musician.

AN AFFINITY FOR DARKNESS

Chester describes himself as an outcast. He’s never quite felt a part of, so his work is important in grounding his soul in something that makes sense to him. A darker side seems to emerge in Chester’s recent music which is slightly macabrenot necessarily what you would expect from a bleach blonde dancer twerking behind Todrick Hall in a Disney Parody. He laments with “In loving Memory,” “Here lies a boy, dearly departed, killed for no reason at all. […] You stole, you lied, you buried the best parts of me. My heart has died, it rests in loving memory.” Chipper, right? This is dedicated to the fact that, in his own words, all of Chester’s romantic relationships have been “disasters.” The music video takes

place in a Morgue, which Chester divulges was actually a set for food-based kink porn (fun little tid-bit over salmon burgers). His voice is smooth and whispered, a lovely tone from a lovely boy. Chester has always had an affinity for darkness, comic books and villains. I asked who his favorite villain of all time was, and he said Ursula from The Little Mermaid. When I asked him what the greatest love story of our generation was, he said Britney and Justin Timberlake. As people poured into Paley Hollywood for the lunch rush, delayed thanks to the Holiday Weekend, we laughed about cold brews and Katy Perry, the remnants of our tater tots being picked up by Johnny, our server who, according to Chester, looks like he might play Jesus in a live action movie. Or Moses. In spite of this sinister streak, or perhaps not in spite but in synergy with, Chester is a bright, sharp presence. He rePALEY ally is always “on,” but HOLLYWOOD not in a way that feels invasive or cloying. He is an entertainer, through and through, good and bad. He and Soju, who was just announced as a Season 11 cast member of Rupaul’s Drag Race, have recently collaborated on an ongoing series of K-Pop Parties, called “Seoul Train,” dedicated to celebrating fans of the stunning Korean Pop genre. These parties, beyond the theme and the fans, are about celebrating one’s love for something bigger, in this case the seemingly outrageous production value of Korea’s music superstars. Sometimes, one can feel like an outcast but it would appear that in the flash and drum of a K-Pop mosh pit, it’s that very feeling that keeps you connected. n Seoul Train Party is ongoing and can be found at the Oasis in San Francisco the second Friday of each month. FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 35

>> JOEY MILLS <<

JOEY MILLS. PHOTO COURTESY OF 13 RED MEDIA.

ELECTRIC

SOUL

Helix Model Joey Mills will be in Santa Monica next month to present his coming-of-age novel that chronicles his life before he was famous. BY JOHN STEIN

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ritten by Taylor Saracen and being released through 13 Red Media, Electric Soul introduces readers to teenage Joey Mills. He is reckless, brazen and unapologetically outspoken, who—for reasons he can’t explain—chooses to hide a key part of his true self from the world. Electric Soul is a journey in self-discovery, as well as an unconventionally heartwarming story of the relationship between a troubled teen and his mother as they confront life’s challenges. “Electric Soul is a view at teenage life that isn’t necessarily what parents or educators want to believe is true in America today, but it is,” explains author Taylor Saracen, a 3 6 TTHHEE FFIIGH www.thefightmag.com 36 GH TT || www.thefightmag.com

former middle and high school teacher. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Applied Developmental Psychology and is interested in the plight of youth whose path to adulthood may appear unorthodox to most. “I seek to de-stigmatize those who work in the adult film industry by showing how closely their struggles mirror our own,” she says. “They are a community that has been marginalized and maligned. They deserve better representation.” Electric Soul is her third novel in the series, Rise Up. It follows His Own Way Out, inspired by the early life of Helix model Blake Mitchell and Twink, a book about Helix model Kyle Ross. While the characters change and the stories vary in each Rise Up novel, common themes— including the struggle for independence, identifying one’s passions, searching for acceptance and for love—are interwoven through the pages in all. Saracen’s hope is that the series illuminates how difficult the teenage years can be for young people, and how the complexities can be compounded by confusion or shame about sexuality. She grew close with Joey Mills while writing Electric Soul. “The beginning of the writing process was sitting down and talking to Joey about his early life and coming out. As I wrote the novel, I sent each chapter to Joey and we texted or Facetimed to make sure everything felt right.” Mills also gave her access to his mother and sister. “His family plays an important role in his story and it was incredibly helpful to get their input on events.” Saracen came to admire Joey Mills’ energy and effervescence so much, she titled the novel after a lyric from the Lana Del Rey song, “Young and Beautiful”: and all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul. “I hope his magnetism comes across in the pages of Electric Soul,” she says. 13 Red Media Ltd. is a multi-faceted media company focused on providing consumers with groundbreaking LGBT content. Founded by Keith Miller of Helix Studios, 13 Red Media sets the same high standards the company places on Helix Studios videos to its literature releases. Electric Soul will be available in select bookstores, Amazon and most e-book retailers worldwide on February 21. Joey Mills and author Taylor Saracen will be signing copies of Electric Soul on Sunday, March 3 from 2-3:30pm at BookMonster (212 Santa Monica Blvd). Visit 13RedMedia.com.

Celebrate Mardi Gras early with

THE SOUL REBELS WITH SPECIAL GUESTS BIG FREEDIA & MACY GRAY Sat, Feb 16 @8pm The Theatre at Ace Hotel

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THEBODY >> H A I R R E S T O R AT I O N <<

NHI MEDICAL

A Different Approach to Hair Restoration

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atients often leave NHI Medical in happy disbelief. They are pleasantly surprised that their scheduled consultation is with the doctor that will be performing their hair restoration procedure, versus a salesperson. They are even more surprised that the doctor they meet with actually tells them the truth about the results they can expect versus overpromising and under-delivering. The doctors of NHI Medical have been world leaders in hair restoration technology for over 25 years. Dr. William Rassman and Dr. Jae Pak have revolutionized the art of FUE and FUT hair transplant and SMP with their U.S. Patented inventions and keen aesthetic. Drs. Rassman and Pak, along with their highly trained surgical team, through innovation, artistry, and 3 8 TT TH HEE E FF FIGH IGHTT T ||| www.thefightmag.com www.thefightmag.com 3 38 8 H IGH www.thefightmag.com

integrity, have provided world-class results to fellow doctors, celebrities, dignitaries, and patients from all walks of life and from around the globe. People often come to NHI Medical expecting the standard sales pitch accompanied by being shown stock photos or pictures of celebrities the practice has never performed procedures on. However, they quickly learn that the doctors of NHI Medical practice the art of hair replacement differently than most. They believe in compassionate care for all their patients and use the most innovative technology. Their five star reviews all speak to their patients feeling confident knowing they are in the good hands of the pioneers of Hair Replacement and Scalp Micropigmentation (medical grade tattooing to give the illusion

of a five o’clock shadow or density where hair is thinning.) While many doctors in the hair replacement field use false advertising, and run their practice like a factory, the doctors of NHI Medical choose only the most ethical approach. They get to know their patients, treat them with respect and provide the best possible results. They only share “before and after’ photos of their actual patients who have consented to have them shown. They have offices conveniently located in Brentwood and Irvine and both Dr. Rassman and Dr. Pak were just inducted into the RealSelf Top Doctors Hall of Fame. n For more info visit www.newhair.com or call 1-800-NEW-HAIR. Mention discount code NHIM3 to receive at $300 discount on your hair

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THEMUSIC >>

JOHN GRANT

<<

THIS IS CLASSIC CHAKA WITH A FRESH AND FIERCE MAKEOVER. AND LET IT BE KNOWN THOSE GLORIOUS PIPES OF HERS HAVE NOT DIMINISHED ONE IOTA.

HELLO HAPPINESS Chaka Khan returns with a renewed sense of purpose BY PAUL V. VITAGLIANO

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e’ve been losing so many of our musical icons and heroes the past few years, it’s been like a shock to the system. To lose both Bowie and Prince in 2016, and then Aretha Franklin last year, the truly great ones are leaving us way too soon. So when a legend like Chaka Khan drops a new album—Hello Happiness—there’s a palpable sense of gratefulness and appreciation going on. And for her first new set in twelve years, Miss Chaka has partnered with new label Diary Records (helmed by Major Lazer founder

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and producer Switch, who’s an ace in the underground electronic club scene) and returned with a renewed sense of purpose. But don’t you worry: she didn’t go and make some kind of desperately trendy electro banger record to keep up with the kids. Rather, this is classic Chaka with a fresh and fierce makeover. And let it be known those glorious pipes of hers have not diminished one iota. The set kicks off with the deliciously breezy swagger of the title track featuring a bassline that’s gonna clock your ass on the dancefloor. The string-laden Like A

Lady feels like a teleportation back to the late ‘70s New York disco scene, as Chaka goes deep with one of the most powerful performances of her career. That’s something she also demonstrates with the retro-strut of the sultry, rhythmic Too Hot. Elsewhere, Isn’t That Enough and particularly Don’t Cha Know envelopes her in some truly sexy and down ‘n dirty chocolate F-U-N-K. And the bold but minimalist groove of Ladylike really allows her vocals to rule the roost. Also here to keep you dancing is last summer’s fantastic smash, Like Sugar. With its blending of soul meets funk meets disco sparkle, Hello Happiness goes down like a smooth shot of Courvoisier. As a songwriter, actor, author, philanthropist, entrepreneur and activist, Chaka has influenced generations of recording artists. And forty years on in her career, she remains relevant and so very necessary. No shade here, but will we be talking about Cardi B four decades from now? That’s doubtful! n

FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 41

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The fun starts here. Everyone is welcome. Tour historic and current LGBT hotspots all within walking distance of our Hop-On Hop-Off stops. Arts, Culture, History, Shopping, Dining, Nightlife and more! Go to our website www.citysightseeinglosangeles.com/pages/pride and discover our special LGBT itinerary covering destinations over all routes. Enjoy our special offer with code FIGHT.

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THEART >>

LGBTQ ARTISTS

<<

DUSTI CUNNINGHAM

D

usti Cunningham is a Los Angeles based photographer who grew up in a very clean single-wide trailer home in rural Kansas. He didn’t own a television so he watched tornadoes. None of his dogs were ever named Toto. Dolly Parton and his mother were his heroes, they both wore wigs. Dusti got his start in photography shooting drag queens and naked men. His idea of glamour is is 1930s & 1940s Hollywood he saw in books mixed with ‘80s icons featured in the National Enquirer. 1970s porn provided inspiration for his more provocative photos. ■ For more info visit: www.dusticunningham.com.

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>>

LGBTQ ARTISTS

<<

FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 45

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FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 47

THECALENDAR >> THINGS TO DO <<

8th YEAR

ANNIVERSARY

PARTY AT THE ABBEY!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 9-11PM MEET OUR COVER MODELS! GET FREE GIFT BAGS CHOCK FULL OF AMAZING SWAG! WIN $80 COLD HARD CASH RAFFLE! THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7

INTERNATIONAL BEAR CONVERGENCE 2019—IBC Hard Rock Hotel Palm Springs, 150 South Indian Canyon Drive. Tickets & Info: www.ibc-ps.com. Runs through Monday, February 11. The International Bear Convergence (IBC) - the premier event for Bears and Admirers. 3 GIRLS 1 BAR 9PM-2AM Redline Gay Bar DTLA, 131 E 6th St, Los Angeles. The New Night everyone has been waiting for! Where you can dance, drink the night away & watch these girls werk the bar. Hosted by Alana Wolfe, Amber Crane, Rainy Dayz with our special guests Miss Nayla Muse and Miss Nubia E. BonBoom. FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8

The Resources

MR. EAGLE562 LEATHER 2019 CONTEST WEEKEND! Eagle 562, 2020 E Artesia Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90805 Come celebrate a fun leather weekend and find out who will take home the titles of Mr. Eagle562 Leather. Info: www.eagle562.com. HIR BY TAYLOR MAC 8PM–10PM Odyssey Theatre Ensemble, 2055 S

Sepulveda Blvd, Los Angeles, 90025. Info: www.odysseytheatre.com. An uproarious, dark comedy by queer artist Taylor Mac that centers on asemi-mad housewife with a transgender teenage child, another son reeling from three years in combat in Afghanistan, and a husband whose disabling stroke has rendered him nearly speechless. Saturday, February 9

DILF PALM SPRINGS “BFD“ DADDY 8PM–2AM The Barracks, 67625 E Palm Canyon Dr, Ste C7, Cathedral City, 92234-5462. A Joe Whitaker & the DILF party. “The Hottest “Daddy Jock Party” in the country is coming back to Palm Springs and exclusively to the Barracks Bar! “ TWLMP & SCUM COLLAB-QUEER CUPID PARTY VALENTINE’S DAY 7PM–10PM The Wall Las Memorias, 5619 Monte Vista St, Los Angeles, CA 90042. DJs Rudy Bleu y Hex-Ray. Hosted by Vicky Jean Mochi and Adam Morello Reyes.

Blvd, Los Angeles, Ca 90028 “This event is geared toward queer women, but we are 100% inclusive of the entire LGBTQIA+ & heterosexual community.” SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16

BOY, A NIGHT TO CELEBRATE BOYS AND THE DADDIES WHO LOVE THEM 8PM–1AM Eagle562, 2020 E Artesia Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90805 More info: www.eagle562.com. SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16

MEAT RACK—EAGLE LA 8PM–2AM Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, 90029 John Piampiano and Hunter Fox present: MEAT RACK and it’s loaded with protein! WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 20

ALLEE WILLIS WITH BETH LAPIDES 7PM–9PM WeHo Arts, 625 N San Vicente Blvd, West Hollywood, 90069. A very special evening of music, mogo and magic! SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 24

QUEERGIRL LOS ANGELES LAUNCH PARTY 9PM–2AM Wood & Vine, 6280 Hollywood

CUTE AF INTERGENERATIONAL SOCIAL! 12PM–3PM Cuties Coffee, 710 N. Heliotrope

AIDS PROJECT LOS ANGELES 611 S. Kingsley Drive, Los Angeles, CA 90010. www.apla.org. (213) 201-1600.

91411. www.childrenofthenight. org. 800) 551-1300 . Shelter for sexually exploited LGBT youth ages up to 17 yrs old.

ASIAN PACIFIC AIDS INTERVENTION TEAM 605 West Olympic Boulevard Suite 610, Los Angeles, CA 90025. www. apaitonline.org. (213) 553-1830. Provides services to all Asian and Pacific Islanders.

COVENANT HOUSE 1325 North Western Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90027. www.covenanthousecalifornia.org. (323) 461-3131. Shelter for youth ages 14-24 yrs old, HIV support, employment assistance, counseling.

GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER OF LOS ANGELES 1625 Schrader Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90028. www.laglc.org. Supports groups, legal help, counseling, HIV+ services, substance abuse treatment and more.

BIENESTAR AIDS PROJECT 4955 Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90027. www.bienestar.org. CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT 14530 Sylvan Street, Van Nuys, CA

GAY AND LESBIAN CENTER OF LONG BEACH 2017 East 4th Street, Long Beach, CA 90814. www.centerlb.org.

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GENDER WELLNESS OF LOS ANGELES 116 North Robertson Boulevard, Suite 702, Los Angeles, CA 90048. www.genwell.org Counseling for individuals, couples, families coping with gender identity issues. JEFFREY GRIFFITH YOUTH CENTER 7051 Santa Monica Boulevard, West Hollywood, CA 90038.

Dr, Los Angeles, 90029 “At Cuties we believe that intergenerational spaces are important and necessary for a healthy LGBTQIA+ community. In our effort to bring elders, youth and folx of all ages together we’re planning a cute af intergenerational meetup.” WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 27

ENCUERADO LATIN LEATHER NIGHT— EAGLE LA 9PM–2AM Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, 90029 Every 4th Wednesday! Leather Latin Night at your premium leather bar in LA—THE EAGLE! THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28

HUMP! FILM FESTIVAL 2019—LOS ANGELES 8PM Downtown Independent, 251 S. Main Street, Los Angeles, CA 90012. More info: www.downtownindependent.com The festival features short dirty movies—each less than five minutes—all created by people who aren’t porn stars but want to be one for a weekend. The filmmakers and stars show us what they think is hot and sexy, creative and kinky, their ultimate turn-ons and their craziest fantasies. www.laglc.org. (323) 461-8163. Drop-in services, support for at risk, homeless trans youth. LOS ANGELES FREE CLINIC 8405 Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90048. www.sabancommunityclinic.org. (323) 653-1990. LOS ANGELES GENDER CENTER 1923 1/2 Westwood Boulevard #2, Westwood, CA 90025. www.lagendercenter.com. (310) 475-8880. Sliding scale clinic. ORANGE COUNTY THE CENTER 12832 Garden Grove Boulevard, Suite A, Garden Grove, CA 92843. www.thecenteroc.org.

“Illuminating, Celebratory, a MUST OWN for the Owner and the Owned!”

A slave for three decades, Author Norman McClelland offers the Ultimate Master/Slave Manual from the unique perspective of the slave. Available NOW at www.slavescripture.com FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 49

www. ibc - ps . com

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FEB R UAR Y 2019 | THE F I GH T 51

LENNIE ROMAN GENERAL MANAGER

“As the new general manager of NEW CENTURY HONDA GLENDALE, I would like to extend a very warm welcome to my brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ community. If you’re in the market for a new car but dread the hassle of the typical macho “hard sell” sales approach—please consider us. We will help you find the car of your dreams within your budget.” —Lennie Roman, GM, New Century Honda Glendale

JOSE NAVARRO INTERNET SALES

TONY LOPEZ GENERAL SALES MANAGER

Call: 833-707-2506 NEW CENTURY HONDA GLENDALE 1235 S Brand Blvd, Glendale, CA 91204 www.newcenturyhonda.com 5 2 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com