The Beast - April 2026

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Events

Sweating It Out

Words James Hutton - Publisher

Welcome to the April 2026 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s very sweaty beaches of the east - I honestly can’t recall a more humid period in Sydney than the last month or so.

A big thanks to North Bondi artist Adam Hughes for this month’s beautiful cover painting of Bondi Beach, an area that is still rebuilding after a very challenging summer (please get down to Bondi and support the local businesses as much as possible, because they’ve had a terrible time of it lately). You can see more of Adam’s artwork on his Instagram, @artwork_of_adam, and there’s a gallery on his website, adamhughesartgallery.com.

On the topic of local art, Sydney’s favourite artist, Martine Emdur, has a big exhibition coming up at Arthouse Gallery

in Rushcutters Bay. I think it’s Martine’s first exhibition for a few years, with the official opening on April 2. For more information about the big show, please visit arthousegallery.com.au, and you can see Martine’s amazing work by visiting martine-emdur.com.

Quinno’s 24hr Swim Across Bondi

While this edition of The Beast is being printed and delivered, Bronte’s Quinn Darragh will be attempting a record-breaking 24hour continuous ocean swim at Bondi Beach from 8am until 8am between March 18-22 to raise awareness for the donor registry and raise much-needed funds for Ocean Heroes, a charity that does a phenomenal job giving children battling autism an opportunity to enjoy the ocean. No rest, no breaks, just 24 relentless hours in the open ocean.

What makes this challenge even more awesome is that Quinn underwent a life-saving liver transplant less than a year ago.

Following the surgery, his body initially rejected the donor organ and Quinn had to fight through complications, setbacks and an extensive road to recovery. Now he’s chosen to channel that second chance into something far bigger than himself, so if you’re in a position to donate, please visitwww.givenow.com.au/quinnos24hr-swim-across-bondi and get behind this most epic of causes. Cheers, James

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Global Table

Music and food festival

Saturday 21 March · 9am–4pm

Join us in the heart of Bondi Junction for our mainstage lineup of incredible artists across the globe, as well as our famous community long table where you can feast on delicious food from an expanded array of gourmet food stalls.

Check out our family-friendly, multicultural dance demonstrations and classes, roving performances, activities and market stalls over extended hours!

Celebrate the best of the world’s food and music this Harmony Week at Global Table. Scan QR for

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag

Words The Wonderful People of the Eastern Beaches

Dumped Boats and Trailers on Murray Street, Waverley

Dear Beast readers - What are councils doing about the aluminium boats that appear to have been parked up indefinitely along streets in the Eastern Suburbs? They have been in the same spots for a long period of time, taking up parking for vehicles. They are an eyesore, and they also collect rain and hence breed mosquitoes, which could be said to be a health hazard to the area.

I have noticed that along Centennial Park, where a similar problem existed, possibly by similar reprobates, that parking restrictions have caused the removal of these boats. I do not understand why councils let this happensurely if someone wants a boat then they should be expected to house them on their own property? And if they can’t do that then hire a storage unit where they can put them. Otherwise, don’t get a boat.

These people seem to think the rest of us have to put up with the remnants of their seldom-used hobby, in much the same way some cigarette smokers think we should put up with their butts as litter. Councils really need to address this problem.

Paul Clovelly

Council understands it is frustrating when boats and trailers are left on local streets for long periods, particularly where parking is already limited.

Under NSW law, a registered trailer or boat can legally be parked in the same spot on a

public street for up to 28 days, so long as it is not breaching signage or causing an obstruction.

Council Officers will investigate reports of trailers or boats that appear to have overstayed and will issue fines or take other enforcement action where appropriate.

If a trailer or boat is unregistered, abandoned or creating a hazard, Council also has powers to remove it.

Residents are encouraged to report trailers or boats that have been left on the street for extended periods via Council’s website.

- Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh

Bondi's Back, Baby!

Bondi felt like Bondi again this weekend and that’s no small thing. Credit where it’s due: the Waverley Liberal Party should be applauded for backing the return of major live events to our beachfront.

On Friday night 14,000 people stood shoulder to shoulder on the sand as Crowded House delivered an iconic set. Watching thousands of voices rise together, young and old, was one of those goosebump Bondi moments you don’t forget. The very next day, the colour and joy of Mighty Hoopla kept the energy going, with families, friends and visitors all soaking up the sunshine and sound.

Cafés were full. Restaurants were buzzing. Local retailers were busy. There was a hum in the air that has felt absent for some time.

Particularly off the back of an incredibly sad December for our community, this weekend mat-

tered. It wasn’t just about music. It was about connection, confidence and reminding ourselves what makes this place special.

Bondi thrives when it comes together. This felt like a turning point, a sign that our community spirit is not only intact, but stronger than ever. For that, the organisers and the councillors who supported it deserve recognition. Bondi is back and it feels good.

Mark Bondi

Where Are the Birds?

A year or more ago we had a plethora of mainly native birds in our backyard. There were so many species including kookas, rainbow lorikeets, currawongs, noisy miners and Indian mynas. A buzz past my head from the rainbows walking down the street, black cockies before the rain... Where are they now?

Kim McCarthy Bondi

Please Explain

Hi ‘Peter from Randwick’ - I refer to your letter in The Beast where you claimed, among other things, that teenagers riding in Centennial Park - a public place - was offen sive (Motorcycles in Queens Park and Centennial Park, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2025). Please enlighten us on how this is so.

Teenager’s Parent

Queens Park

A Mighty Whinge (and more to come)

Dear Editor - I haven’t been a councillor for about ten years now but people still come to me with real concerns. On the whole they mirror my concerns. Was it greed that let a contract for a huge, black, illuminated (24 hours a day) unaesthetic bus shelter in front of the view at Bronte Beach, or simply bad taste?

The people I speak with kind of accepted a new surf club, but what the heck is the monstrous plat form in the sand on the beach, and what happened to the reclaimed

water for the park? Visitors lie on dirt or mud.

The emperor Shah Jahan built the white Taj Mahal on one bank of the river and was planning a black one. His son locked him in a room on top of the Red Fort where he could look at his precious white Taj but couldn’t get his hands on any more funds.

There were very busy bushcarers removing rubbish and planting natives behind a plastic fence at the edge of the park on Bronte Road. The fence is down, the plants have died, and Council sprays poison on the weeds. Soooo clever.

The builders in the Bayview cul de sac have had free rein. The footpaths and other public spaces have been their work space. I understand City of Sydney Council would have fined them $1,000 a day. If you are short of cash, there’s a good way to make some, rather than huge ugly bus shelters. But no, residents can just bloody well walk on the road and dodge motorised bikes driven by juveniles. Not happy!

Ingrid Strewe Bronte

Bronte Surf Club

Mural Opportunity

To the Editor - With construction of the new Bronte Surf Club set to run for the next 18-24 months, locals and walkers on the famous Bondi to Bronte track are currently being treated to a towering tenfoot black wall topped with barbed wire, which I am sure all agree is not exactly postcard material.

While building sites are never going to win beauty contests, this one feels like it’s begging to become a giant open air gallery. Inviting local artists to paint murals along the exterior would brighten the daily walk for thousands of residents and tourists, give creatives a public showcase and, ironically, probably reduce graffiti, thanks to the well-known street art rule of not painting over someone else’s masterpiece.

Costs to Council could be modest, perhaps limited to supplying

materials, while the community reaps the benefits of colour, creativity and something far nicer to look at than a black fence.

As a nearby resident, I hope this simple, practical (and slightly cheerful) idea gets some traction. It seems like a win for artists, walkers and anyone who prefers their coastal strolls with a bit more colour than the current postmodernist masterpiece.

Paddy S Bronte

Plans are already in place to add colour and decoration to construction fencing during the next phase of work on the Bronte Surf Life Saving Club.

With demolition and early works now complete, permanent hoarding imagery design is underway and will be installed across the whole site.

The new designs will include a mixture of wayfinding, graphics, project information, and the club’s key partners and sponsors.

For more information on the Bronte Life Saving Surf Club and Facilities Upgrade, please visit haveyoursay.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

- Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh

Birrell Street Bike Lanes Update

Dear James - Having been recently retired and having a little more time on my hands, I decided to do some much-needed paint and garden upgrades to the front of our property on Birrell Street.

My little project took me a little longer than anticipated, during which I was able to undertake and monitor bicycle usage over ten 6-hour days from typically 9am to 3pm. Over these ten days I counted five cyclists using the lanes, and even the very few food delivery bike riders preferred the footpath over the designated bike lane.

On a side note, the lanes are full of leaves and debris and resemble a ‘dog’s breakfast’, blocking the stormwater drains during heavy downfalls.

I did approach a Waverley Council employee, who informed me that it was deemed ‘unsafe’ to blow the debris onto the road.

As conveyed in my previous letters to you, these lanes are a potential death trap and are a total waste of ratepayers’ money. The Birrell Street bike lanes cost millions of dollars, which could have been better directed to more worthwhile causes, like the Prince of Wales Hospital at Randwick, where I was recently a first-hand witness for more than 50 days, watching them save the life of a loved one.

Waverley Council, it’s time to eat some humble pie and admit the decision to install these lanes was incorrect and poorly thought out. Your town planning department needs to be held responsible for this mess.

Please consider my above sentiments of the hard-working ratepayers and remove these dangerous concrete bollards and bike lanes as soon as possible.

Dale Jones

Concerned resident Bondi Junction

The Fairies Are Back

You might remember a recent letter outlining the sad destruction of the much loved Earl Street Fairy Garden (Fairy Massacre on Earl Street, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2026).

I’m pleased to announce that the fairies have moved back home and their garden is more enchanted than ever. Local children have been admiring the upgraded whimsical paradise.

We welcome residents to pop past for a visit and add a treasure to the ever-growing wonderland.

Joanna Randwick

Walking On the FootpathA Non-Exhaustive Guide

Hi Beast - I thought the local readership and victims of the current shoulder barging epidemic might benefit from a wee footpath guide. Title: A Guide to Using the Footpath. Subtitle: It’s actually a two way street!

That is to say, if you’re in a group (or even a pair) and you’re widely astride the footpath, the polite thing to do is make space

for other people who may also be trying to use said footpath. ‘What’s that’, I hear you ask? Oh, yes! That does mean making space for women and our wisened local citizens. I know you think they’re invisible - they’re actually not!

Shoulder barging people because you believe yourself to be at the centre of the universe is actually a totally avoidable experience. Ensure that everyone gets to use the footpath safely. Please adhere to common social etiquette.

What kind of person doesn’t allow other people space to pass on the footpath. Am I actually crazy? Why is this such an issue here?

Runnit Straight

Local walker with sore shoulder

Coogee

Council

101: A Masterclass in Red Tape and Recycling

Dear Editor - I would like to formally request that Local Government be introduced as a compulsory HSC subject. Call it ‘Council Studies: Surviving the Suburbs’. Because nothing prepares you for adulthood in Sydney quite like discovering that your greatest nemesis is not your exit’s a Development Application.

Local councils, bless them, are often portrayed as the bureaucratic villain in everyone’s personal Netflix drama. “Red tape!” people cry, “Bureaucracy!” they shout, usually while holding a compostable coffee cup they just put in the wrong bin.

Let’s begin with the sacred ritual of the Missed Bin. Nothing unites a street faster than one uncollected recycling bin. It’s the suburban equivalent of a power outage. Suddenly there are neighbourhood WhatsApp groups lighting up like it’s a state of emergency.

“Has anyone else’s been missed?”

“Yes, ours too.”

“I saw the truck. It slowed down. It looked at my bin.”

Within minutes, someone has lodged an online request, someone else has called customer service, and one particularly committed

resident has photographed the bin from three angles like it’s evidence in a coronial inquiry. It’s not rubbish collection - it’s CSI: Wheelie Bin Unit.

Then we move to Tree Conservation. In Sydney, you can’t sneeze near a jacaranda without someone whispering, “Is that protected?”

The average resident now knows more about canopy coverage percentages than they do about their own superannuation. Remove a branch and three neighbours appear at their windows like Victorian ghosts, clutching Section 10.7 certificates and judging silently.

And parking permits? Ah yes. The Olympic sport of the Eastern Suburbs and the Inner West. Entire identities are built around who gets to park within 47 metres of their own front door. Apply for a permit and you’ll swear you’re applying for citizenship. Proof of residency, proof of vehicle ownership, proof you once waved at the neighbour in 2019 - it’s all required.

But nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the DA - the Development Application. The DA is where civility goes to die.

You could propose a modest pergola and suddenly the entire street becomes an amateur urban planning tribunal. “Overshadowing!” cries No. 12, whose lemon tree has never seen direct sunlight anyway. “Privacy concerns!” declares No. 18, who owns binoculars.

Neighbours who have ignored each other for 15 years suddenly discover a shared passion for objection letters. Is it about genuine planning principles? Sometimes. Is it about revenge for that time someone’s dog barked in 2016? Almost certainly.

And yet, here’s the plot twist: councils are not actually sitting in a secret underground lair plotting how to inconvenience Gary from Bondi. They are bound by legislation, planning instruments, state regulations, environmental overlays and about 47 policies written in language so formal it feels like it was drafted by a 19th century barrister.

They don’t make the rules out of spite. They administer them so that your neighbour can’t build a four-storey glass box that blocks your winter sun and installs a rooftop DJ booth.

Is there red tape? Of course. But sometimes that tape is the only thing stopping chaos. Imagine a Sydney where everyone could remove any tree, build anything, park anywhere and ignore waste collection schedules. We wouldn’t need missed-bin reports - we’d need a hazmat team.

Perhaps what we truly need isn’t less council - it’s more education. A crash course in ‘How Local Government Actually Works’. Lesson one: Staff are not personally responsible for your parking fine. Lesson two: Your DA was assessed against policy, not the hatred of your neighbour. Lesson three: The tree was protected before you bought the house. Lesson four: “I Pay my Rates” is often an eye roll and a Voodoo Doll order from Haiti. Lesson Five: Blocking of Driveway baffles the seasoned Council officer. I guess either a lobotomy is required, or someone needs Specsavers.

Until then, we’ll continue to treat Council like the stern school principal of suburbia - slightly feared, frequently misunderstood, but secretly the only reason the playground hasn’t descended into Lord of the Flies with wheelie bins.

Yours in compliance, Luke

Student of suburban survival Randwick

Bike Rules?

Dear Beast - Barely a day goes by without new demands for tighter rules governing cycling, e-bikes and the like. As our rule makers continue to ponder what to do, I suggest they take note of ‘general practices’ evident today. This may serve as a baseline highlighting the challenges ahead.

Helmets These must be worn at all times, except when riding a share bike. Should the unlikely event occur where the share bike

Pack your favourite cosy blanket and your instrument of choice for an evening of fireside chat, music, fire dancers and wholesome fun.

We’ll bring the bonfire, marshmallows and an unforgettable experience.

has a helmet, it is to be punted into the long grass with the other helmets. Alternatively, it must be stowed safely in the basket. Please note, these actions prevent any likelihood of head lice or, God forbid, hat hair. For kids on fat bikes, helmets should remain undone or just left at home.

E-bike Speed Limits The speed limit is set at 25km/h for a reason, so fat bikes and high powered e-bikes must respect this at all times and never travel below the limit.

Traffic Lights and Signs These are to be treated in the same way as they are in India - as colourful decorations by the side of the road to entertain as you pass. They have no meaningful use.

Food Delivery Bikes These can use any part of the road, cycle path or pavement, with a cruising speed of 30km/h to be maintained at all times. Riders are required to wear high visibility attire so pedestrians can see them in advance and step out of the way.

Fat Bikes Again, there are no rules for where they can ride or how many people can ride them. When ridden by teens, they should be ridden as fast as possible with helmets optional or undone. The same applies to e-scooters and e-skateboards.

Lycra Roadie These folk must ride with lots of ‘tude’ and should always stay on the road, even when there is a parallel bike path. It’s fine to take up a lane and do 40km/h in a 70km/h zone, and drivers should appreciate how strong a cyclist needs to be to maintain 40km/h. Any driver that raises their ire will be abused at the next set of lights.

Pedestrians Anyone on foot should be looking at their phone the entire time, preferably with headphones in so that any noise, alarms, warnings, etc. can be safely blocked out. Walking in the bike lanes is perfectly fine, as well as crossing them at will without looking up.

Dogs It’s everyone else’s dogs that are the problem. My dog does

not need to go on a leash as it is well behaved and can trot on the bike lanes or on mandatory leash paths safely. It would never dream of chasing a bike and keeps a sharp lookout for cyclists at all times.

Drivers Why should drivers need to keep 1 metre or 1.5 metres away from cyclists? It may require them to veer into oncoming traffic, which could be dangerous, or even force them to slow down - crazy, I know! It’s much better to get as close as possible. For young tradies in their Hiluxes or Rangers, it’s best to have your mate in the passenger seat yell as you pass - cyclists love a surprise!

Nick

Cyclist with extensive observational experience of all of the above practices Bondi Junction 

Please send your letters to letters@thebeast.com.au (preferably with your name and suburb included).

Bold, expressive, full of energy.

Local Artist... Adam Hughes from North Bondi

North Bondi artist Adam Hughes is the talent behind this month’s awesome cover painting of Bondi Beach. Adam shares his local favourites with The Beast

How long have you lived here? I’ve lived in Bondi for 17 years now. I first arrived as a backpacker and started out on Warners Avenue, where I quickly fell in love with the place. From there I moved to Lamrock Avenue, then to Curlewis Street, and for the last 13 years I’ve been in Ben Buckler. I’ve literally lived all over this beautiful suburb, which has given me a real connection to the area and its community.

Why do you live here? I love Bondi. There are not many places in the world where you can wake up early, go for a swim or a coastal run, grab coffee and breakfast at some of the best cafés, then commute just 7kms to the CBD. In the evenings, Bondi has so much life, and Bondi Junction is only 2kms away with everything you need.

What's your favourite beach? Bondi is my favourite, but more specifically the North Bondi boat ramp. I love going down there with a coffee, putting on my goggles and snorkelling around the rocks to explore the marine life.

What's your favourite eatery?

Rocker in North Bondi is my go-to spot as I love their Sunday roast. Being an expat, a proper roast is hard to beat, especially with Yorkshire pudding and plenty of gravy.

Where do you like to have a drink? My local is North Bondi RSL. It has some of the best views over Bondi, and at sunset the view from the balcony is amazing. Another favourite is the Icebergs, sitting on the balcony watching the surfers and swimmers while the waves roll in.

How would you describe your art? Bold, expressive and full of energy. I enjoy creating work with texture and depth, often inspired by places, people and a sense of connection. My pieces are designed to have a strong presence and invite people to stop, look closer and feel something when they experience them.

Where can people see your work?

My work is currently in several cafés around Bondi and Bronte. You can see more of my work on my Instagram page, @artwork_ of_adam, as well as my website, adamhughesartgallery.com.

Who are your artistic inspirations? My two classic inspirations are Edgar Degas and Claude Monet. I love how, with just a few brushstrokes and subtle touches of colour, they can make a painting feel alive and full of movement.

What are you working on at the moment? I’m currently working on a few new pieces, all inspired by the beach. One is a large three panel painting of Bondi Icebergs, which I’m really enjoying developing. I’m also working on five new paintings on surfboards.

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? I’ve always loved drawing with pens and pencils. For a long time I was a bit intimidated by paints so I

decided to take a painting course using acrylics. After that I started painting more at home and taught myself as I went along. Eventually I joined an art studio in Watsons Bay called Rognoff Studio where several artists rent spaces and paint together. It has a great atmosphere, and if you ever need advice the woman who runs it, Cyndi, is amazing.

Any other local artists to look out for? I’m a big fan of two Australian artists at the moment. Bastian Allfrey paints beautiful native flowers with such vibrant colours, and Anthony Pieters uses texture and clean movement within the medium he uses to make the most beautiful artwork. They are both inspiring.

Did you study art? I actually studied the sciences, so all of my art has been self-taught through a lot of trial and even more error.

Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? Don’t be worried that people won’t like what you paint. If you like it, then somebody else will too.

Who is your favourite person? My dad. He is a quiet man who worked hard for everything he has. Growing up, I probably didn’t appreciate him and thought he was annoying and a bit of a loser, but as an adult I’ve come to realise he is one of the most interesting and inspirational people I know.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I usually wake up early and go for a swim, surf or run and enjoy everything Bondi has to offer. Then I might spend a few hours painting while listening to a podcast or an audiobook.

Do you have a favourite quote? “Life’s too short to worry about the little things.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Buy my artwork, it’s all for sale!

Bondi Boardrider Ready to Make Waves on the Tour

Words Anthony Maguire Photo Rick McCann

For competitive surfers, there’s a two-letter acronym that decides whether or not they’re going to compete in the upcoming world tour - QS. It stands for Qualifying Series, and even if you were a high achiever in the previous World Surf League (WSL) tour, you still have to compete in qualifying events.

Bondi competitive surfer Fred Carmody, 18, has just won his heats in a QS at Phillip Island. And now he’s poised to build on his outstanding success as a junior to compete internationally as a senior. Fred won the Skullcandy Pro Junior, was runner-up at the NSW Junior Surf Titles and ranked sixth in Australia in the Under-18s.

But it’s a long way to the top in professional surfing, and Fred will now have to navigate the next level, competing in the upcoming 2026-2027 WSL Asia Pacific Qualifying Series starting midyear, before hopefully moving on to the Challenger Series, which decides WSL Championship Tour competitors. Earlier this year,

Fred finished fifth at the Newcastle QS, reaching the quarter-finals where he faced Brazilian WSL surfer Mateus Herdy.

Meanwhile, he’s recently picked up a new sponsor, Bondi-based Australian men’s lifestyle clothing brand Motorino. His other longterm sponsors are O’Neill Wetsuits, Futures Fins and surfing accessories supplier Creatures of Leisure. Most of the support is inkind at this point, but it’s a good base to attract further sponsors who’ll cover the costs of travelling to international pro surfing destinations like Indonesia, where he’ll be competing in the WSL Regional Qualifying Series this June.

Speaking to The Beast after competing at Phillip Island, Fred observed that competing at senior level was very different.

“People are more relaxed at the junior events, whereas at the QS, everyone is grinding to make it onto the tour.”

But he’s feeling philosophical about the prospect of riding the rough with the smooth as he competes on the world circuit.

He has been in a reflective mood since December 14. He was surfing with a mate at South Bondi that day when he heard gunshots and saw people stampeding across the beach. They paddled back to shore, then minutes later Fred found himself helping a policeman desperately giving CPR to a gunshot victim.

“He asked me, ‘how many compressions is it?’ and I was able to tell him because I’d just done a refresher course at North Bondi Surf Lifesaving Club.”

Fred and his mate then helped resuscitate two more victims before ambulance crews arrived and took over.

“We were helping to hold them steady while resuscitation was happening,” he said.

Just weeks earlier, he’d been sitting his HSC exams and the biggest threats on his horizon were bull sharks. The first-hand experience of the terror event was a terrible loss of innocence for the young surfer, although he says, “it’s made me think how lucky I am to just be in the water surfing.”

All welcome. Free entry

Screening starts at sundown BYO picnic, blankets & low chairs

28 Mar - 6pm Smurfs Barracluff Park

4 Apr - 6pm Sing 2 Varna Park

11 Apr - 5pm Kung Fu Panda 4 Waverley Park

18 Apr - 5pm Paddington in Peru Waverley Park

2 May How To Train Your Dragon Bondi Pavilion

For more information, Scan QR Code

Lying

Tree Loppers Claimed to Be From Council, Say Residents

One morning in mid-February, a crew of fluoro-vested workers started chainsawing limbs from one of the paperbark trees that line New Street, Bondi.

Concerned residents started gathering in the street.

“We were suspicious because their vehicles didn’t have tree surgeon logos,” Georgia Mallouppa told The Beast. Rachel Sands, whose home is next to the tree that was under attack, asked the men if they were from the council.

“They said yes, they were,” Ms Sands explained.

A couple of householders phoned Waverley Council to check - and discovered that the loppers were lying.

The men were about halfway through cutting down the tree when a council ranger arrived. He took photos of the men and their vehicles. The bogus council loppers packed up and drove off.

As this story was going to press, the cordoned-off tree debris remained on the verge. A resident who has contacted Council about the mess was told

it hasn’t been cleaned up yet because it constitutes evidence.

The attempted chainsaw massacre follows the attempted poisoning of at least two other paperbarks in the small street. This has prompted the council to put up signs on metal poles saying, ‘REPORT TREE VANDALISM.’

Waverley Council is investigating the onslaught by the chainsaw-wielding tree loppers.

“Council takes the issue of environmental vandalism very seriously,” a Council spokesperson told The Beast. “All reports received are thoroughly investigated and enforcement action is taken whenever possible.”

“The alleged incident on New Street in Bondi is currently being investigated by Council Officers. The trees on New Street are well maintained with canopies that do not encroach on property structures or impact traffic. In line with Council’s Tree Management Policy, the trees are at a far enough distance from property that they do not warrant pruning.”

World War 3, Aliens and Conspiracy Feature in Debut Novel

Words Anthony Maguire

Photo Adrian Donoghue

World War Three breaks out on June 30, 2028. It’s fought on multiple fronts around the globe, but we somehow manage not to obliterate ourselves and a treacherous new order emerges under the Global Alliance. Meanwhile, humankind’s existence is under threat from aliens who command swarms of tiny but very lethal drones. The aliens want to plunder the earth’s reserves of gold.

Welcome to the mind of Coogee author Luke Alexander, who writes under the name Xander Lucas and who on February 6 launched his debut novel at Coogee Diggers. It’s called Frontline Earth: The Last Alliance and he describes it as “a military, espionage and conspiracy story.”

Mr Alexander cheerfully embraces a lot of conspiracy theories and when he’s not tapping out the sequel to Frontline Earth, he fronts a podcast and social media platform called The XL Brief where he gets vocal about conspiracies and geopolitics.

book launch.

Leaving His Mark on the Landscape

Words and Photo Anthony Maguire

Murray Cox is a long-time Bondi resident with a penchant for altering and enhancing the landscape. That’s why he became a landscape gardener, and over the years has drawn upon his skills to enrich the local scenery with guerrilla tree plantings - such as a stand of casuarinas at the western end of Syd Einfeld Drive that have grown to 15 metres since being planted in the early 1980s.

Mr Cox also has a talent for writing poetry. A couple of years ago he saw an opportunity to bring his verses to an interesting audience - while adding to the Bondi landscape. Working with a graphic artist friend, he got a number of poems printed onto poster-sized sheets of paper, then stuck them onto the black hoardings outside a building site on Hall Street.

“The first time I did it was at 5am on a Sunday morning, then I saw that no-one cared, so I started doing it later in the day.”

The black building hoardings were a bit of a bugbear with Murray - “black is the most depressing colour you can

possibly put up” - and with all the development taking place in the area, there are a number of them. Over the course of a year, he glued 100 short poems to the hoardings of several Bondi building projects. Then he decided to turn the verses into a book, which brings us to Hall Street 100: A Year of Bondi Billboards. Illustrated with black and white photos, the 100-poem book offers entertaining, thought-provoking musings on a myriad of subjects from climate change (The last slice of cake, on the plate, icing licked clean, candle blown…) to stretch denim (You can pour yourself, into stretch denim, and not come apart at the seams...)

The verses take us all over the world and explore different historical epochs. But there’s a backbone of locally-inspired poems with contemporary themes, such as one titled Oh, Our Bondi.

Oh, our Bondi, there is a terrible push to multiply, the dwellings in our neighbourhood…

To get a copy of Murray’s new book, please email him at murraycoxmail@gmail.com.

Local Volunteer Group Rolls out the Welcome Mat for Refugees

Words Anthony Maguire

Photo Lauren Hill

A local volunteer group wants to hear from Eastern Suburbs residents interested in welcoming a refugee family and raising funds to support them.

Amigos for Settlement is seeking kind-hearted Australians to help a refugee family settle in the local community. It’s a 12-month commitment that starts by meeting the new arrivals at the airport, then assisting with housing, accessing education, finding employment and facilitating social integration.

“Our aim is to help refugees start their new chapter with care and connection,” says Amigos for Settlement co-ordinator and Bondi resident Jo Recalde.

The group is Sydney-based and works under a federal government-funded program, the Community Refugee Integration and Settlement Pilot (CRISP), which matches UN-referred refugees with community groups such as Amigos for Settlement.

To get involved, please email amigosforsettlement@gmail.com or follow the group’s Instagram account, @amigosforsettlement.

The Amigos program begins with meeting and greeting a refugee family at the airport.

All 482 visas may now apply for PR, including cooks, café managers, hairdressers, marketing staff, etc. The qualifying period has also been reduced to two years Please call Brendan to discuss further

Brendan Muldoon Reg. Migration Agent # 0742052

39 Gould Street, Bondi Beach Phone: 0404 552 322 brendan@bondimigration.com.au www.bondimigration.com.au

Come along to your local resident Precinct Meeting

Precincts are meetings of residents who get together regularly to discuss local matters or issues of concern in their neighbourhood. Waverley is split into 13 Precincts and meetings are open to any person living within the Precinct boundaries.

Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/precinct or scan the QR Code to find out which Precinct you belong to and when they are meeting next.

Waverley Council proudly supports resident run Precinct meetings.

Steering Between the Beautiful and Bizarre in Pavilion Art Show

Words and Photo Anthony Maguire

Waverley man Perry Westwood used to direct TV commercials, but since retiring from the industry he has embarked on an obsessive new occupationcreating artworks from materials as diverse as cockerel feathers, ermine tails and miniature human figures.

The cockerel feathers - 300 of them - feature in an installation called Holding Pattern where the feathers come to life and stand up using hidden motors. The ermine tails become dozens of hairy, squirming, spider-like legs in a metre-wide piece called Myriapod, which also makes use of hidden motors. And images of the tiny plastic humans, the type commonly used in architectural models, have been magnified many thousands of times for a display called Microcosm.

You can see these plus a dozen other pieces at Mr Westwood’s exhibition, ‘Behind the up and over,’ in the Yalagang Room at Bondi Pavilion from April 11-20.

He told The Beast, “The title ‘Behind the up and over’ references the somewhat mysterious nature of my work and the space in which it is created - a small up and over garage at the back of the house.”

Setting up the Pavilion exhibition has involved a lot of technical work because of those hidden motors plus lighting and other technology harnessed to bring the works to life. One of the pieces even has a camera inside it, a tiny surgical endoscope to give us an inside view of what looks like a giant, glowing sea anemone for a piece called Viscerous.

“A lot of my work centres around our compulsion to control and manipulate the natural order,” he said. “So I tend to create quite elaborate interpretations of plant, animal and fungal hybrids that dwell somewhere between the recognisable and unfamiliar, the beautiful and the bizarre.”

Council Gives Bondi a Big Boost in Destination Marketing Campaign

Words Anthony Maguire

Photo Annabel Osborne

Waverley Council has launched a marketing and events campaign called ‘The Bondi Feeling’ promoting the fun, action and beauty of Bondi.

“Bondi is more than just a place - it’s a feeling,” Waverley Mayor Will Nemesh said. “We’re pulling out all the stops to encourage everyone to get amongst all the wonderful things to see, do and experience in Bondi.”

Council is funding a media campaign where prominent locals and Sydneysiders with a connection to the area will share what ‘The Bondi Feeling’ means to them.

It is also rolling out a series of Saturday events. Upcoming happenings include the epic Bondi Firelight, with chill music, toasted marshmallows and bonfires on the sand at dusk on April 9; Movies at the Park on May 2; and Saturday at the Park, featuring face painting, entertainment, a petting zoo and free ice cream (plus coffee for parents) on June 6.

“That is just the start,” Mayor Nemesh said. “Council is committed to backing Bondi locals and businesses, and doing all it can to support them to recover and thrive.”

The uber popular Bondi Firelight will be back on April 9.

Waverley Council Update

Mayor's Message

Formally honouring victims of the Bondi terror attack

eeting for the e formally honoured the 15 victims whose lives were lost in the Bondi terror attack.

We invited public obituaries to be shared, providing a solemn space for remembrance, reflection and collective mourning We lit 15 candles to remember the victims, as well as candles for the survivors and first responders.

We grieve and pray for the loved ones of the bereaved, whose loss can never be replaced. This public sharing of condolences also serves as a reminder for the entire community that we stand together and will not let hatred or violence define us.

Celebrating International Women’s Day

Earlier this month, I had the honour of awarding Waverley Council’s International Women’s Day Award for 2026 to a remarkable sportswoman, and the only surfing world champion to hail from Bondi.

Pauline Menczer is a pioneer of gender equality in sport who won the 1993 Women’s World Championship, all without the backing of a sponsor She learned to surf on a broken surfboard and bega n competing when sport was rife with systemic sexism. This experience shaped her as a passionate advocate for equal opportunities and recognition in women’s sports. Last year, Pauline was also honoured with a bronze statue at South Bondi, which was crowdfunded by volunteers and gifted to Waverley Council. Pauline received her award at Bondi Pavillion before joining acclaimed literary interviewer Michaela Kalows ki for an insightful discussion on resilience, progress and changing attitudes in women’s sports All ticket sale proceeds were donated to the Lofahi foundation to support women fleeing domestic and family violence. Past recipients of this award include fashion designer Camilla Franks and Brenda Miley, founder and director of Let ’s Go Surfing

Project update Curlewis St upgrades

Stage four of the Curlewis St upgrades are underway, which will see the beginning of construction on a separated twoway bike path from Campbell Parade to Wellington Street.

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au

Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe

The works will also include a new footpath, kerb and guttering, driveway upgrades, landscaping, electrical trenching and light pole installation The first phase of works will take place at Glenayr Avenue to Wellington Street and is scheduled for completion in mid-April, weather and site conditions permitting. The NSW Government selected Curlew Street as a priority route for a new cycle path between Waverley and Woollahra, which will improve connectivity from Bondi Beach to Rose Bay. As part of the upgrades, existing pedestrian crossings will be converted into raised crossings, and a shared path for pedestrians and bike riders will be installed at the western end of Curlewis St The project will create a safer and more vibrant, inviting and accessible community hub.

Waverley

Art Prize open

Applications are open for the 40th Waverley Art Prize. Established and emerging artists are invited to submit drawing and painting works There are $19,000 worth of prizes to be won in four categories, and the opportunity to be acquired into Waverley Council’s Art collection. Entries close 10 May. Find out more at Council’s website.

William Nemesh Mayor of Waverley

Tar Balls on Beaches Came From Sewage Plant 'Fatberg'

A massive fatberg deep in the bowels of the Malabar Wastewater Treatment Plant has been revealed as the source of the disgusting ‘tar balls’ that washed up on Coogee and other beaches in late 2024 and early 2025.

In fact, analysis by a UNSW lab found that the balls didn’t contain tar but a mixture of soap scum, cooking oils and faecal matter, with traces of illegal drugs and other medications thrown in for good measure.

There was initially speculation that sewage discharges from ships could be responsible for the pollution. But the UNSW scientists have traced the source to the Malabar plant. And now Sydney Water has come clean about the fatberg.

The berg has formed inside a 300 square metre square chamber below the treatment plant. According to Sydney Water managing director Darren Cleary, the total amount of fatberg material could be as large as four buses.

The problem is that the chamber can’t be safely accessed, except by remote-controlled equipment. What has caused the fatberg to build up? Mr Cleary says one reason is a big increase - more than a third - in the amount of fats, oils and greases ending up at the plant over the past ten years.

The fatberg material has a globular consistency. It gets dislodged after heavy rain, clumps of it flowing through the sewage tunnel to the deep ocean outfall 2.3 kilometres from the Malabar plant. Once flushed out into the ocean, the material separates into the hideous balls.

The Environment Protection Authority has now ordered Sydney Water to carry out “a range of significant works, including fat removal from the Malabar deep ocean outfall bulkhead area,” and the water authority has agreed but warns upgrades to the plant are going to take up to ten years.

Randwick Amps Up the Entertainment With Popular New Program

Words Anthony Maguire

Photo Randwick City Council

People in Randwick LGA are being entertained at the beach, in plazas and street dining areas under a public space performance program called Amplify.

Musicians are regularly performing at seven sites - and the response has been very positive. Dozens of people have got up and danced during Coogee Beach performances.

“Live music brings people together, energises our streets, and strengthens the cultural identity of Randwick City,” Randwick Mayor Dylan Parker told The Beast.

“We’re seeing this happen every fortnight on Saturdays with Amplify; people are coming together across the City, in places such as the Coogee Beach Rainbow Walkway and Newmarket Plaza in Randwick, to dance and sing, or just have a good time.”

“We’re proud to be creating more opportunities for emerging and established artists to perform, and for residents to enjoy vibrant, free entertainment close to home,” the mayor said.

The Amplify program will run until the end of June.

Coogee beachgoers being entertained by the lively Brazilian act Alma to Soul.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News

Anzac Day is one of the most solemn and unifying occasions in our national calendar. It’s a moment for all of us to come together, reflect, and honour the courage and sacrifice of the men and women who have served our country. Each year, our community demonstrates extraordinary respect and gratitude, and 2026 will be no different.

In Randwick City, thousands will gather for the Anzac Day Coogee Dawn Service, held at 5.30 am on Saturday 25 April at Goldstein Reserve. This annual ceremony is produced in collaboration with the Coogee Randwick Clovelly RSL sub-branch.

Across our Local Government Area, several other services and marches will also take place. You can find the details of these events on the right.

This year, Randwick Council is once again proud to present our Honouring Service street banner campaign, which acknowledges past and current service personnel from our community. These banners serve as a visual tribute across our City, ensuring the legacy of service is recognised by all who pass through them in our town centres.

What’s On

ANZAC DAY DAWN SERVICES

SATURDAY 25 APRIL

4.30 am Cenotaph Juniors Maroubra

5 am Memorial near Club Matto, Matraville

5.30 am Goldstein Reserve, Coogee

5.30 am

The Coast Chapel, Little Bay

MARCHES

SUNDAY 19 APRIL

10.45 am Daunt Avenue, Matraville

11 am

Cnr Maroubra Rd and Mons Ave, Maroubra

COMMEMORATION SERVICES

SUNDAY 19 APRIL

10.45 am

Malabar War Memorial

Councillor Dylan Parker Mayor of Randwick

11 am

Randwick Bowling Club

Crime News

Rage Against the Machine

An ATM in South Maroubra was targeted by thieves, but despite smashing off the top of the machine they failed to get any cash, which is stored in a heavy-duty safe at the bottom of the ATM.

Lawyer Accused of Massive Fraud

Bondi Junction solicitor Benjamin Reid has been charged with fraudulently obtaining nearly $15 million from clients to feed a gambling addiction.

Police say the 45-year-old illegally misappropriated the funds from business and trust accounts and that at the height of his gambling spree he was placing bets of up to $5,000 as often as 30 times a day.

Reid faced court charged with four counts of obtaining a financial advantage by deception. Detective Superintendent Gordon Arbinja from the Financial Crimes Squad told the court that most of the $14.8 million taken by the lawyer had now been repaid by his father.

The magistrate allowed bail on the strict condition that Reid abstains from all gambling activities.

Bondi Machete Attack

Two teenage boys were arrested after a man was allegedly stabbed with a machete in Bondi.

According to police, the attack took place after the 54-year-old man got into an argument with a boy riding an e-bike. The teen left,

then later returned with another boy armed with a machete - which was used to stab the man in the upper body.

Paramedics treated the man near the attack scene at the junction of Gould Street and Glasgow Avenue before taking him to St Vincent’s Hospital in a serious but stable condition.

Police arrested two teenage boys aged 15 and 17 in Glenayr Avenue. They’ve been charged with wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm, possessing a prohibited weapon and breaching bail.

Not a Very Bright Spark

Police were driving along Bilga Crescent in Malabar at 10.20pm one night when they encountered a man putting on a street firework display, launching Roman candles into the air.

The man did not greet police with open arms. Police say that “when officers approached, the man aimed the fireworks toward the police vehicle and discharged multiple projectiles in its direction.”

After launching his attack, the man took off down the street on foot like the proverbial rocket. The cops nabbed him after a brief pursuit. The 46-year-old has been charged with using a prohibited weapon without a permit, handling explosives without a licence and two counts of assaulting police.

Cruel Footbridge Prankster Arrested and Charged

A man who pretended to be firing a gun from the footbridge used by the Bondi terrorists was later arrested in Coogee and charged over the incident.

Police say Zayne McMillan, 22, “mimicked” firing a gun, then verbally abused bystanders who challenged him, “causing them to feel fearful and intimidated.”

He has been charged with stalking or intimidation with the intent to cause fear and behaving in an offensive manner in a public place.

Maroubra Girl Fights

Three girls got into a fight outside McDonald’s in Maroubra Junction - then a fourth joined in, creating a public spectacle that was filmed by a number of people and posted online.

Police charged an 18-year-old girl with affray and reported that the others involved in the melee were aged 17, 21 and (wait for it…) 12!

Two weeks earlier there was another melee involving teenage girls at Arthur Byrne Reserve, Maroubra Beach. Police later charged three girls with assault.

Residents Urged to Lock Up After Coogee Car Thefts

Police have warned residents to be vigilant about locking doors and windows following a 2.30am burglary in South Coogee.

Four young males are said to have taken a Volkswagen Polo and Mercedes after stealing the keys inside a home. Police were soon in pursuit of both vehicles. The Volkswagen only got as far as the intersection of Arden and Dolphin Streets before it stopped and two youths fled the car. A 16-yearold passenger was arrested while the driver managed to get away.

The Merc made it a lot further from the scene of the crime before being abandoned in the M5 tunnel. Two 17 year old males were located hiding in a cavity inside the tunnel.

Break-In Suspect

Police are keen to speak with this woman about a Bondi Junction break-in. Anyone with information is urged to contact Bondi Police Station on 9369 9899 or Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

Subject Post-Work Swims Location Maroubra

Photographer Klesio Alves @klesio.alves

Subject Bathing Birdies Location Maroubra

Photographer Klesio Alves @klesio.alves

Appreciating the Importance of the Local Watering Hole

Words Angus Henricks Photo Alan Shearer

As I’ve stated before, I’m currently living in Newcastle. No, not the Newcastle to the north of Sydney; the one in the north of England, Newcastle upon Tyne.

It has been a thoroughly incredible experience living in this city so far. I am also fortunate that the publisher of this fine publication, James Hutton, has had the privilege of living here as well.

Hutto has been able to offer me a plethora of valuable advice and insights while I’ve embarked on my journey to the ‘Toon’. However, he mentioned something a few months back as the seasons began to change.

“It’ll be bloody freezing over there Gus, but luckily there’s a pub on every corner.”

I am relieved to say that Hutto was spot on in his assessment - the weather is indeed atrocious, and there is a pub on almost every corner.

For those of you who read my article recounting my experi-

ences with the Scousers over in Liverpool, you will not be surprised to hear my opinions regarding the weather in this neck of the woods. In fact, the weather has been one of the biggest adjustments I have had to make since moving over here. I find this painfully ironic, considering I spent four years living in Connecticut, where blizzards and temperatures far below zero are a constant for about five months of the year.

But there’s something different about the cold in the UK.

It’s a deep, damp, windy kind of cold that cuts straight to your core, chilling you deep within your bones.

With that being said, in my experience the UK is generally better equipped to accommodate the lackluster climate, largely due to one key establishment that the US sadly lacks - the pub!

As we know very well in Australia, the pub is a special place. This is true in any climate, but

you really can’t understate how important a good pub’s role as a communal meeting place becomes in these situations. They are in many ways the centre of social survival in places with poor climates that lack any outdoor activity.

A key issue that exists in places with harsh winters is that during those months when the weather is worse and the daylight hours are shorter, people tend to socialise less as the conditions discourage people from doing so. Work and everyday life continue irrespective of the weather, but the social side suffers.

Bearing this in mind, the abundance of pubs in the city of Newcastle lend themselves as quasi-community meeting places, offering the Geordies a more socially rewarding alternative to just hibernating through winter.

A problematic phenomenon I observed during my time living in the States was that during the winter months community activity and socialisation more or less ceased to exist. This was in large part due to the absence of infrastructure and accessibility to locations and resources that enabled community engagement and socialisation. The lack of venues such as pubs exacerbated this problem.

As such, it has been a refreshing experience to see that this issue exists significantly less here in Newcastle. Although pubs (as amazing as they can be) are by no means the be-all and end-all to solving issues regarding socialisation and community engagement, they can still add a lot of value.

However, it has to be said that when you’re walking through the wind and rain of a cold winter’s day in Newcastle, the walk is always made a little bit easier knowing that your final destination is a pint and a good chat.

Ready or not, here I come!

Playing Hide-and-Seek

Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Con Sealed

Remember playing hide-and-seek as a kid? It didn’t matter where it was - inside, outside, during the day or at night with a torch - it was always fun and loaded with anticipation and excitement. The game combines many of the psychological and developmental ingredients kids thrive on including suspense, the thrill of uncertainty, a sense of control, independence, safe risk-taking, imagination, emotional regulation, and - perhaps most importantly - social connection.

While a kid may not be aware of these benefits, adults, who have greater cognitive capacity, can experience it differently. As a dad, I loved playing hide-and-seek, especially if I was the one seeking - all the kids scrambling to find a good spot and staying quiet before the dreaded “ready or not, here I come”. Though the game has many psychological ingredients, it’s also the perfect metaphor for another popular psychological theory: attachment, and how it influences romantic relationships.

For those new to attachment theory, there are basically four types - secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised (sometimes called ‘fearful-avoidant’). Like many psychological patterns, much of our attachment style is formed during childhood and affects how our relationships, especially romantic ones, pan out as adults.

For someone who is secure, they were generally raised by consistent, supportive and responsive caregivers, teaching the child that relationships are reliable. The child feels safe to connect and safe with being separated. They become confident that others are emotionally available, feel comfortable with closeness and are okay with independence. They feel worthy, can express needs and emotions freely, don’t experience excessive anxiety, and often have a ‘take it or leave it’ approach to life.

So, if a secure kid plays hide-and-seek, they enjoy hiding, they can tolerate waiting, and they don’t mind being found either first or last, because they trust that they’ll be found. The adult parallel is that secure adults are fine with independence and closeness. They can handle space without freaking

out, trusting that connection will come around. If a secure adult played hide-and-seek, they would hide but not disappear, and they’d welcome the reunion.

The anxious type usually develops through caregivers who were inconsistent or unpredictable, leaving the child hyper-alert to signs of disconnection. They crave closeness but worry it may vanish. In hide-and-seek, the anxious child is up for hiding but wants to be found quickly, probably choosing an obvious spot. They’d struggle to stay hidden and tend to give themselves away. The adult parallel is anxious adults seeking constant reassurance, possibly texting a lot, and feeling distressed by distance. The anxious adult can hide, but will leave clues everywhere.

The avoidant type does just that - they avoid. Their caregivers were often emotionally unavailable, rejecting or dismissive, teaching the child that depending on others isn’t safe. The grown-up avoidant becomes self-reliant and emotionally distant to protect themselves. They may pull away, go silent or withdraw when a relationship becomes real and intimate. They value independence and wig out with emotional closeness.

The hide-and-seek avoidant hides too well, stays deathly silent long after the game is over, hoping never to be found. They might hide in the neighbour’s yard or wander far down the street, even if it’s dark.

The last type, possibly the most complex, is disorganised attachment. This style involves a pushpull dynamic, where the person wants intimacy and distance at the same time. They may crave closeness but feel unsafe when they get it, experience intense emotions, and flip between approaching and withdrawing. Their caregivers may have been frightening, abusive, inconsistent or neglectful. The disorganised adult may move toward connection but will quickly retreat as fear takes over. They want connection but don’t feel safe with it.

The disorganised hide-and-seek player might hide then panic, freeze or give up. They want to be found and not found at the same time. For those wondering, around 50-60 per cent of us are secure types, 20-25 per cent avoidant, 15-20 per cent anxious and 3-5 per cent disorganised. However, I suspect the scale will trend away from the secure more towards the other three as AI infiltrates the dating market.

Like a lot of things in psychology, it’s all on a spectrum. Honestly, social media might just be the modern adult version of hide-and-seek - we know where to hide, we know where to look. As far as dating apps go, it’s like the classic line from the song ‘Hotel California’ - “You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.” A neverending game of hide-and-seek, perhaps? It’s worth a thought.

Jeremy Ireland is a local psychotherapist. If you have any questions you can get in touch with Jeremy by calling 0400 420 042.

The Unreliable Guide to... The Stars

We Are

Words Nat Shepherd Photo Ringo Starr Don't be a

The Unreliable Guide has been thinking lately about Oscar Wilde’s famous line: “We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us look to the stars.” He was talking about aspirations, but today it feels like all our choices are made based on the stars. Not the celestial bodies that burn high above us, but star ratings that guide where and what we eat, sleep, travel, hire, read... Just like that Black Mirror episode, Nosedive, we’re outsourcing our judgement to an average assembled from strangers in varying states of caffeine deprivation.

Take Goodreads - a reader recently awarded a book (that may or may not have been written by me) a measly two stars. Not because she took offence at the story, language or style, but because she “lives to bitch.” No critique, reasoned argument or thought-provoking analysis, just a declaration of hobbyist malice. Fair enough, you may say, she’s entitled to

bitch, isn’t she? The trouble is, her momentary malice is now lodged in the stats. And that’s just one book. Consider all the cafés, hotels, rideshare drivers, and small businesses that can be severely impacted by those who live to bitch. If you, like me, would like the trolls to lift their eyes from the gutter and see the damage their stars can do, then The Unreliable Guide is here with some tips and tricks to help you avoid ranting at the ratings.

The Gutter Trolls

There exists a peculiar tribe who believe five stars are mythical creatures, sighted only in legend and never bestowed in practice. Five stars are unicorns. Four is the summit of human achievement. Three is “quite good, actually,” despite the fact an algorithm translates this as “not very good at all”. Our reviews rarely match the stars we choose to give. Consider this recent one on Airbnb:

“Wonderful stay! Hosts were warm, the space immaculate, would absolutely return.” Three stars. Or this Google review of a café: “Good staff, great coffee, the toast was cold.” One star. The trouble is, platforms like Google, Airbnb, Goodreads, etc. pretend that stars are precision instruments when they are blunt tools wielded by people who live to bitch. And the consequences of this casual bitchery are huge. An Uber driver dips below some magic threshold and they lose work. A café’s rating slides from 4.1 to 3.9 and their tables mysteriously empty. And a book sinks beneath the discoverability tide because someone lives to bitch.

Those With Stars in Their Eyes

Then there are the benevolent ones. The five-star philanthropists who rate with their hearts, not their heads. Everything is “Amazing!” That damp Airbnb with the faint odour of rodent existentialism? Five stars - the host seemed nice. The restaurant that spilled wine on you and forgot the main course? Five stars - they were busy. These people think they’re being nice, but when ratings guide real decisions, giving five stars for mediocrity is irresponsible. Inflated praise distorts as surely as petty sabotage. So, what’s the solution? Let’s remove everyone’s star licence and rely on our words. We describe the cold toast/heavenly mattress/ suspicious damp patch and then let an AI, trained for consistency rather than mood, translate that into a rating. Will it be perfect? Of course not. But it has to fairer than the current regime of thumb-based fate.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests we revise Wilde’s quote to this: “We are all of us staring at the stars, but none of us agree on what they mean.”

"They're takin' our flags!"

Foreigners Force Loss of Famous Aussie Icon

Words Kieran Blake - kieranblakewriter.org

Photo David Schwimmer

Almost a century of Aussie culture will soon be lost when beaches from Bondi to Broome replace the iconic red and yellow flags with green flags to indicate the safest place to swim. And it’s all to suit foreigners.

The famous flags have been around longer than Australia Day, so the move has proven divisive.

“Why do we have to change our ways to suit foreigners?” asked one frustrated patriot during the public consultation phase.

“They’ve been red and yellow since 1935 and foreigners should fit into our ways,” stated another, while one citizen deemed the move unnecessary, “Fair dinkum, if you see hundreds of people at a beach and most of them are swimming between the flags, isn’t it obvious?”

Numerous respondents reminded authorities that beachside backpackers get so drunk they ignore flags of any colour, while another asserted,

“When someone in an official uniform is pointing and yelling at you with a loudhailer, you don’t need to speak Strayan to figure it out!”

Lifesavers’ iconic uniforms will also be green - even the quartered cap - upon the implementation of the plan brought in to suit visitors who associate red and yellow with danger, and obviously thought lifesavers were simply doing Ronald McDonald cosplay. The only beach to escape the change is Maroubra, where a famous natural deterrent has always kept swimmers between the flags.

In addition, announcements will be made in a rapid, croaky, American accent, and lifesavers who say ‘G’day mate’ will be kicked off patrol.

“Red and yellow flags are as synonymous with Aussie summers as zinc cream and bindies,” commented a representative from Surf Life Saving Australia, an organisation so conservative it still holds Taplin relays and surf boat races in the

age of drones and IRBs.

Swimmers will now think flag zones are only for woke environmentalists or people who would make a suitable life partner. What’s more, the move will nullify the debate between Bondi and Bronte as every Aussie clubbie will be a member of Palm Beach SLS Club (NSW and QLD).

Aussies who have grown up with red and yellow flags fear a broader threat to national traditions in a country reliant upon the tourists who buy the iconic uniforms at souvenir shops.

Rumours abound that the beach flag initiative will usher in a raft of changes to core Aussie traditions. AFL goal posts will be replaced with two short uprights, a crossbar and a net. Vegemite will be known as Resimite to placate foreigners who are convinced it tastes like accumulated residue rather than vegetables, and Tim Tams will be renamed Thin Tans to prevent backpackers from morphing into lobsters.

The Shark Capital of Australia

Words and Photos Lewis Kennedy-Hunt

It was the height of summer as millions of people flocked to the beach to enjoy their own slice of the Aussie dream. But over one devastating 48-hour period, things quickly turned into more of a nightmare as a string of four bull shark attacks unfolded along our New South Wales coast. Among these four incidents, a surfer was left with minor injuries at Point Plomer, a second surfer was critically injured at Manly, a third narrowly escaped harm after a shark bit into his board at Dee Why, and 12-yearold Nico Antic was fatally bitten while swimming at the popular Jump Rock, just around the corner from Nielsen Park.

I can recall hearing each new report with a growing sense of disbelief, fear and confusion toward the ocean we thought we knew and loved.

The experts tend to suggest that this unusually concentrated cluster of attacks came after seasonal and environmental factors aligned to form the ‘perfect storm’ for increased shark-human interactions. January is historically an elevated month for encounters as a result of warmer, ‘fishier’ waters, the bull sharks’ breeding cycle, and the seasonal increase in human usage of the water.

The 48-hour cluster followed a period of heavy rainfall that flushed fresh, murky water into the ocean via estuaries and coastal lakes, an effect intensified by the preceding dry spell that made the runoff especially concentrated and nutrient-rich. As a result, the sharks’ preferred murky hunting grounds overlapped with popular swimming areas and beaches frequented by humans.

Bull sharks are known to possess the highest testosterone of any shark, are opportunistic and competitive feeders (especially the younger ones) and have eyesight tuned to detect movement and contrast rather than fine detail, meaning a splashing swimmer or surfer is more likely to attract their attention. With all of these factors in mind it becomes easier to understand the events that unfolded.

Statistically, New South Wales records more shark bites than any other state, with the Sydney region having the highest number of documented incidents of any Australian city. It was only less than five months ago that Northern Beaches surfer Mercury Psillakis was fatally attacked by a great white shark at Long Reef Beach, with the previous fatal New South Wales shark attack occurring at Little Bay in 2022

when ocean swimmer Simon Nellist fell victim to a white shark. Across Australia, shark bite incidents have increased every ten years since the 1950s, although population growth, increased water use and better reporting may also be contributing factors toward this trend. Despite this increase and some statistical spikes, the baseline risk remains very low. Shark bite frequency still remains a rare event relative to the millions of people who swim and surf each year.

In the wake of the attacks, with the entire Northern Beaches closed and fewer surfers in the lineup locally, the effect on beach activity was stark. But for a select few, the events marked an opportunity to tangle with one of the true beasts of the ocean. Local fishing fanatic Ethan McDonald had already been toying with the idea of catching a bull at the time. Having acquired a suite of highly specific gear and some decent knowledge, he was ready to go.

Over the following weeks, Ethan and Watsons Bay legend Ryan Doyle dedicated more than 60 hours to pursuing a bull shark in the Harbour, a feat that did not come as easily as they had first envisaged. Their early sessions revolved around the channel adjacent to Neilsen Park and led to a series of near misses, losing several fish after multi-hour fights.

Each encounter taught them a little more about the power, size and resilience of these predators. The capture of a few smaller bronze whalers kept them engaged between bull hookups. Finally, in the dying moments of a late-night session, chaos erupted as Ethan’s rod screamed under the weight of a monster. The pair battled for 45 brutal minutes, eventually maneuvering the 2.7 metre unit boatside and securing 250kg of bull shark with a tail rope and gaff. After a few quick photos, the shark was processed, providing a bounty of fresh flake with nothing left to waste.

April 2026 Tide Chart

The days of Limeys lying on the footpath are hopefully over.

Making Share Bikes Safer

Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, State Member for Coogee Photo Si Clist

Shared electric bikes are incredibly popular, with an increased usage of more than 300 per cent just in the past few years and literally millions of trips being taken each year in the East. We are all familiar with the environmental, cost and health benefits of active transport, and e-bikes offer more ease and less grunt than the more traditional twowheel or two-leg options.

While the private ownership of e-bikes has soared and been associated with significant safety concerns, it is the use of shared e-bikes that catapulted their use - and misuse - to the top of residents’ concerns. This is not surprising given the rapid increase in non-licensed road users, often without a helmet, ducking and weaving between vehicles on busy streets and seemingly charging at elderly pedestrians, only to then discard the bikes on a pavement, blocking access for wheelchairs, strollers and people. Share bike schemes are here to stay. They are an important and growing part of our transport strategy, particularly as more separated bike lanes come online across the Eastern Suburbs and Sydney more broadly. They offer an eco-friendly, cost-effective and convenient

alternative to driving for short trips. For infrequent users, share bikes are cheaper and maintenance free, and because they are built like tanks, they rarely experience a mechanical issue or flat tyre (flat tyres are pretty much impossible on many models). They provide young adults with a degree of independence and the capacity to get around more easily and be less dependent on their parents. Their popularity with tourists for trips to the beach is self-evident. But while they are here to stay, they must be properly regulated.

Last year, the New South Wales Parliament passed reforms to strengthen the rules around shared e-bikes and e-scooters, giving councils clearer powers to manage parking, enforce compliance and require operators to meet minimum standards. These changes were designed to bring order to what had become, at times, a frustrating and incredibly unsafe situation, particularly for pedestrians, older residents, parents with prams and people living with disability trying to navigate our streets when the bikes are too often left in unsafe places. The legislation allows councils to establish designated parking

areas, set enforceable conditions on operators and issue penalties where bikes are dumped or obstruct pathways. This was a critical step. For too long, councils were relying largely on memorandums of understanding without strong statutory backing. Now, they have the legal tools they need.

The next step is to ensure effective implementation of the New South Wales Government’s legislation, and this requires Randwick and Waverley Councils to prioritise action. Across cities in Europe, North America and parts of Asia, onroad share bike parking corrals are standard. They are clearly marked, strategically placed near transport hubs, shopping strips and beaches, and they dramatically reduce footpath clutter. The same model needs to be rolled out here at scale. Properly designed on-road parking bays reclaim order. They protect pedestrians, provide certainty for riders and create a cleaner streetscape. Importantly, they also support the long-term success of share schemes by making them predictable and well-managed.

We are investing in active transport and separated bike lanes because we want people to have real alternatives to cars. The evidence is that if we invest in this infrastructure, people will choose to ditch the car and use a bike. The Oxford Street West bike lane now clocks over 3,000 journeys a day - think about all those cars that are now off our roads!

Share bikes play a key role in first- and last-mile connectivity, but their success depends on community trust and building a sustainable system that works for everyone. It is time for local implementation to catch up. I will continue working with both councils to accelerate the rollout of designated on-street parking so we can reduce clutter, improve safety and ensure share bikes work for everyone.

In the Surf, We Are All Equal

Words Matt Thistlethwaite, Federal Member for Kingsford Smith

Photo Ben Leeson

That’s why I love our beautiful coastline and beaches. In the waves, a person’s skin colour, their religion or ethnicity don’t matter. We are just humans trying to harness the power of a much greater force - the mighty ocean. The surf doesn’t care if you are a world champion surfer or a novice; Mother Nature can deliver the wave of the day to anyone. It’s why the search for the perfect wave is eternal.

Our beaches represent the best of Australia - egalitarianism, respect, multiculturalism. People of all backgrounds and faiths are brought together by the beauty of our beaches. Australia’s natural beauty brings out the best in the humans that experience it.

That is the tragedy of the terrorist attack at Bondi on 14 December; that two people can shatter the unity that Bondi Beach represents by the targeted killing of Jewish Australians based on their faith. It is an

affront to the values that Bondi represents, an attack on the way we live around our beaches, which makes people understandably angry. Unfortunately, some have sought to use that anger to attack or criticise other Australians. Division and disunity are the opposite of what our most famous beach represents.

We cannot allow the terrorists’ ethos to change the unifying power of our beaches - we must rise above division and hate to maintain the free, easy-going beachside lifestyle that makes our community so special.

In the weeks since the attack, it has been heartening to see our community come together in service of that mission. I was proud to join moments of community solidarity, paddling out with the surfing community and standing arm in arm with surf lifesavers on the beach, both just days after the attack. Each a moment where we have wrapped

our arms around the Jewish members of our community.

As our community heals and moves forward, I am committed to continuing to provide support for the community that’s been impacted.

The Australian Government is conducting a Royal Commission on Antisemitism and Social Cohesion in response to the terrorist attack, investigating the prevalence of antisemitism in society and its key driving factors.

In January, I opened a Medicare Mental Health clinic in Bondi; established by the Albanese Government to provide free, trauma informed care for the community. It’s currently co-located with the Junction Neighbourhood Centre at 59 Newland Street, Bondi Junction, and the clinic is open from 9-5, Monday to Friday. Care is fully bulk billed, with no referrals or appointments required - just support where it’s needed most.

The centre is part of a $42.6 million investment in mental health supports in response to the tragedy that also includes tailored mental health programs for the Jewish community, services for first responders and support for children and young people.

The Albanese Government has also provided $2 million for Jewish community organisations to support victims’ families. We’ve also provided $200,000 for both Bondi and North Bondi Surf Lifesaving clubs to assist with replenishing their first aid supplies.

I echo the call of the Prime Minister for Australians to lower the temperature of discourse and treat each other with respect.

We all have a role to play in ensuring the lifestyle our beaches represent, unity and respect, is restored and maintained for future generations.

Chicken Meatball and Cannellini Bean Soup

As the weather cools and ‘soup season’ begins to emerge, this nutritious creation will leave you feeling good from the inside out. Introducing my chicken meatball and cannellini bean soup!

This recipe delivers plenty of protein and fibre, along with the goodness of fresh herbs, and the broth is a light, lemony, delicious elixir. This comforting recipe serves six people and is a great midweek soup to add to your autumn repertoire.

Ingredients

Chicken Meatballs

750gm chicken mince

1 cup breadcrumbs

1 clove garlic, minced

¼ brown onion, very finely chopped

¼ cup flat leaf parsley, finely chopped

1 large sprig rosemary, finely chopped

Zest of 1 lemon

½ tsp cracked black pepper

1 tsp sea salt

2 tbs extra virgin olive oil (for browning meatballs)

Broth

1 tbs extra virgin olive oil

½ leek, finely sliced (white part only)

1.5L good quality chicken stock

Juice of 1 lemon

⅓ cup white wine

3 sprigs thyme, leaves picked

¼ tsp red chilli flakes

Season to taste

The Rest

2 tins cannellini beans, drained and rinsed

2 cups English spinach, stems removed

½ cup shaved parmesan, to serve ½ lemon, cut into wedges, to serve

Method

1. To make the meatballs, add all ingredients to a large mixing bowl and combine well with clean hands.

2. Roll into 3cm meatballs and place in the fridge for 30 minutes to set.

3. To make the broth, heat the olive oil in a large heavy based pot set to low-medium heat. Add the leek and gently sautee for 1 minute until softened. Add in the white wine and cook for a further 2 minutes. Don’t brown the leeks.

4. Add in the stock, lemon juice, thyme and chilli flakes and stir to combine. Bring to the boil and season with sea salt and pepper.

5. Remove the meatballs from the fridge. In a large frypan set to medium heat, add the olive oil. Brown the meatballs for 2 minutes and carefully remove from the pan and place into the pot of broth.

6. Turn the heat down to medium and gently cook the meatballs through in the broth for 15 minutes.

7. After 5 minutes, add in the cannellini beans and gently stir through. Then add in the English spinach to wilt. Taste and adjust seasoning if needed.

8. Ladle into bowls and add a squeeze of lemon juice, some cracked black pepper and a generous amount of the parmesan shavings on top. Serve hot!

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

The Beast Supercross

1. What does QR stand for in QR code?

2. According to the rhyme, what was Yankee Doodle’s pony called; Tortellini, Macaroni or Penne?

3. What would someone have done if they had sternutated; frowned, sneezed or burped?

Trivial Trivia

Words Lisa Anderson

4. What hot sauce has a name that means ‘pepper pepper’ in Swahili?

5. On which river does the city of Perth, WA, stand?

6. What would you be doing if you performed a glissade and a fouetté; UFC, gymnastics or ballet?

ACROSS

1. First female leader of the Liberal Party (6,3)

5. Cooling system (1,1)

8. Chocolate egg day (6)

9. Bread shop (6)

10. Steamed immature soybeans (7)

11. Agreement (1,1)

12. Young duck (8)

13. Concave navel (5)

15. Enclosed (2)

17. Vehicle with sleeping quarters (1,1)

18. Escape artist (7)

19. Irish militant organisation (1,1,1)

21. Inflammatory arthritis (4)

22. Room for sleeping (7)

DOWN

1. Former Australian Cricket captain (5,5)

2. Move sideways (6)

3. City of churches (8)

4. Napolean’s isle of exile (4)

6. Document granting exclusive right to publish (9)

7. Small pickled cucumber (7)

9. Burp (5)

11. English actor, Laurence ... (7)

14. Small Micronesian island (5)

16. Someone who believes they are superior (4)

20. Restraining order (1,1,1)

7. What famous train ran between Paris and Istanbul?

8. What name is given to a group of stars?

9. A sophomore is in which year of university?

10. Which creature’s name is derived from the Old Italian for ‘thorn-pig’?

I Swear

Genre Drama Comedy

Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador

Making a film about disabilities requires a delicate balance between challenging misconceptions and fostering empathy. In this heart-warming feel-good film, writer-director Kirk Jones (Nanny McPhee) achieves exactly that, bringing the life of Tourette’s advocate John Davidson to the screen with wit and grace.

The story follows John (Robert Aramayo), a charming adolescent whose life unravels as he develops involuntary physical tics and uncontrollable outbursts of expletives. Misunderstood, ostracised and burdened by shame, John struggles to navigate the transition to adulthood, that is, until a transformative friendship with the compassionate Dottie (Maxine Peake) and Tommy (Peter Mullan) breaks his cycle of isolation. Through their support, John learns to turn his raw, unflinching reality into a powerful tool for advocacy. By confronting societal stigmas, he proves that visibility is the ultimate antidote to prejudice and that laughter can bridge the silence of a challenging condition.

I Swear masterfully balances humour and heartache. It’s as profoundly moving as it is riotously funny, all while being a compelling piece of cinema that carries the genuine potential to change lives.

Chet Faker A Love For Strangers

Label BMG Australia

Reviewer @aldothewriter

Rating

Having to revert to his pseudonym after essentially musically cuckolding himself must have been a strange emotional adjustment for Nick Murphy, AKA Chet Faker. It has certainly dulled his edge. Gone is the atmospheric smokiness of his early work, which hypnotised like a slow motion video of a balloon full of smoke being popped. Now, we are left with a shinier product, which is still pleasant enough, but not nearly as engaging. A Love For Strangers is sadly not something you will be likely to fall in love with, but it is still worthy of a tryst in the bushes.

MAY-A

Goodbye (If You Call That Gone)

Label Sony Music Australia

Reviewer @aldothewriter

Rating

Bitterness can be a heady cocktail, often leading one down a path strewn with broken glass and gaunt, toothless faces. MAY-A has harnessed her bitterness for the best though (with just a hint of broken glass). After openly admitting she was pissed off with the music industry and how it chewed her up after topping Triple J’s Hottest 100 with Flume in 2022, she has re-emerged as a grungy superstar. Think Waxx and Garbage for reference. Big guitars, catchy melodies and a glistening middle finger pointing proudly up at the powers that be.

Cooee

Messengers

Label Cooee music

Reviewer @aldothewriter

Rating

When I read that Cooee were a Sydney duo turning the poetry of first nations artist Kirli Saunders into songs, my cynical Spidey senses were tingling that it might be more gimmick than substance, but it is actually kind of great. There is a beautiful sadness to many of the songs, none more so than title track and opener ‘Messengers’. The use of birdsong and other sounds of the bush would also usually put me off, but they truly work. They transport you to a secluded National Park camp on a crisp Autumn day, with goannas rustling through the scrub around you.

Star Signs

Visions Beardy from Hell

Gemini May 22-Jun 21

If deflection, reframing or stalling doesn’t work, use humour to lighten the mood and avoid answering serious questions.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22

The only way to avoid eating junk is to not allow it to enter your home under any circumstances, ever.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22

Sydney is only fun if you have lots of money and enjoy spending it, otherwise you will be happier somewhere else.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23

Start an argument with your partner purely to lay the foundations for an epic make-up

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23

Your blind confidence may be beneficial in the short-term, but you lack the conviction required for long-term success.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22

You really need to pump more money into your hobbies if you’re serious about achieving anything substantial.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21

A quick look in the mirror will reveal that your teeth have moved and it’s changed the shape of your face.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20

At this stage in your life, the only way you’re going to feel better is by spending more time around uglier people.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19

Stop watching the news. We’ve reached the point where you will actually be smarter if you’re totally uninformed.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Spend time arguing with your partner over ‘who is right’ rather than actually solving your problems together.

Trivial Trivia Solutions