10
Opinion Feature
thursday, march 24, 2011
www.thegatewayonline.ca
SU Elections Rad Libs On Election Day, what a
woke up and
(VP Student Life candidate)
day to be running for office!” he said to his
(adjective)
it doesn’t end in a
his fuzzy white
(past-tense verb)
campus version of
. “Hopefully this time around,
(stuffed animal)
!” He then started practicing his
(just say clusterfuck)
. “Ah,
(type of livestock ruminant)
(choreography/jazz hands/chorus line kicks)
for the
.
(West Side Story/Hello Dolly/Rent)
On the other side of Edmonton, the race sure is out to
was throwing pokéballs at a nearby
this year,” he said. “But this time, that
(negative adjective)
(negligible number)
(other VPSL candidate)
students won’t affect the !” Oh, what a
(agreeing with other VPSL candidate/catching them all)
(type of electronic communication)
rushed in. “We
(authoritative verb)
(any activity excluding reading bylaw)
that you allow our group of
“Unfortunately, you’re
(type of bad fortune, eg. SOL)
from
will definitely help promote
Meanwhile, as they were awaiting the impending election (noun)
.
(approved/disapproved/determined by tarot card)
, when councillors Aditya Rao and Petros Kusmu
(plural noun)
to
each other!” they exclaimed.
(verb)
!” DIE Board ruled. “Based on the
tion. This decision will certainly
(name of anyone willing to take thankless job)
had just been
(noun)
(engage/piss off)
(Platonic form of governance)
the
advice we received
(adjective)
, we have determined that you can’t
(member of DIE Board audience)
I sent
day it will be!
(adjective)
Back at the university, trouble was afoot. Chief Returning Officer
The DIE Board had just finished
. “Man,
voter turnout. Now I’ve got to get back to
(low)
had just posted a ruling stating that the legality of
(noun)
each other in this elec-
(verb)
student population, and
(inert/idle/disengaged)
and student
in this election!”
(noun for indifference)
, incoming SU President Rory Tighe smiled with a
(results/catastrophe)
in his eye. “I pledge to improve student engagement!” he stated to
student councillors and
(number between 10 and 20)
students in the room.
(number between 1 and 10)
Waiting with him were incoming VP (Academic) Emerson Csorba, who had just finished balancing school and (existential reflection of consciousness)
, while incoming VP External Farid Iskandar had just been making posters featuring
fonts to help convince the (bullshit non-instructional fee)
government to stop the increase of
(provincial/federal/whichever)
(necessary instructional fee)
(form of swine)
and
.
Incoming Vice President (Operations and Finance) Andy Cheema laid back relaxing while wearing his (article of polyester clothing)
(number between 5 and 20)
(family member)
’s oversized
. Suddenly, incoming Board of Governors Representative Raphael Lepage Fortin burst in and exclaimed, “Sup,
!” These sights caused
they had avoided the threat to their
(any rational person)
(employment/dignity)
to
, as the candidates beamed with confidence, knowing that
(verb)
posed by
(none of the above/anyone else who would have ran)
Upon seeing all of these events, outgoing President Nick Dehod cupped his believe that I’m leaving this place to these
(body part)
(educational institution)
in his hands, and screamed, “I can’t
.” He then realized that he himself needed a
(type of barbarous heathen, plural)
before declaring, “This
.
sure is
(adjective)
,
(adjective)
, and
(week of relaxation/type of 40-proof alcohol/moment to cry)
(strong negative adjective)
!”
Email your best rad libs to gateway@gateway.ualberta.ca!