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Feature
tuesday, march 15, 2011
www.thegatewayonline.ca
got game? darcy ropchan explores what it takes to be a ladies’ man
You can smell it. Spring is coming ... Birds are returning from the south, the snow is melting, and hormones are raging like the Red River through Winnipeg. But it’s not only animals who will be looking and fighting for a mate to reproduce with this spring. Students will soon discard their books and attempt to do the same. And I thought, if animals can engage in strange and wonderful mating rituals and be successful, then why can’t I?
T
he thought of spending another year wandering campus alone sends chills down my spine, so I decided to learn from the experts and develop my game with an eye to meeting someone. My name is Darcy. I enjoy long walks on the beach and I’m a great listener. I set out to re-invent myself as an expert pickup artist, hoping it would help me get more numbers than an engineering seminar. In my research, I found no shortage of books, intensive seminars, and boot camps to turn a sexually-frustrated chump into a Casanova. But after looking over what the self-appointed pickup masters had to say, I quickly realized that what was being pushed was nothing more than a system of routines and lines to say to a woman in order to get her attention. Members of the pickup community tend to beat their chests and brag about their accomplishments, instead of teaching how to build real, lasting attraction between members of the opposite sex. Even before I began my research, I knew one trick for picking up women: find an easy ice breaker, maybe a dog or something equally as cute and stupid. I once paid a friend $50 to rent his fourmonth-old baby for a couple hours so I could walk it around the park. The amount of girls who came up to me to fuss over the baby and ask me if I was a single father was absolutely astounding. My pockets were full of numbers
by the end of the day. Later on, I put the baby down on a bench outside of a convenience store so I could run in and buy a coffee and a newspaper. When I came back, the baby was gone. Which was weird because I swear I remembered tying it’s leash to the bench outside the store. Despite my pocket full of numbers, the single father lie couldn’t continue with a missing baby, so obviously my previous knowledge had some limitations. I needed to hear new viewpoints from actual professionals on how to build attraction and be myself at the same time. I’m not an expert on the opposite sex, but I know that no two women are the same. It’s important to be versatile, witty, and a quick thinker. Memorizing lines and fake routines on a card won’t work and will make you look like a tool. Women can smell fear, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, they will devour you like a shark devours minced fish. And I don’t mean that in a good way. “There are different things for different people out there in the dating world,” explains Cara Anderson, a dating coach based out of Calgary. “Men need to do the approaching. Unfortunately, biology plays a part in the fact that men need to be more of a hunter.” Searching for a partner is easy; you just have to know what you’re looking for. It’s finding the right thing to say and do that’s the real problem. Anyone can walk up to a girl and say,
“Your skin would make a beautiful lampshade.” But how do you keep her attention after she’s been wooed by your suave lines? Toronto dating Coach Evan Dwyer says that it’s all about appearing a bit rough around the edges. “Your inner bad boy is the part of yourself that men tend to hide from women,” says Dwyer. “[Nice guys] play down the fact that they are sexual beings and it usually drains the chemistry out of their interactions with women. When you’re trying to ‘get something,’ it feels off for women, and it’s a recipe for rejection.” So it turns out that nice guys do finish last. If you’re hoping to get a date with the cute secretary in the arts office, you’re going to have to be forward, but not too forward. Otherwise she’ll think you’re an oversexed pervert, and that never works out well. I have the restraining orders to prove it. But there’s more to finding a mate than throwing on a dirty shirt and adopting a facial expression that could turn away a Hell’s Angel. “I think the best policy is honesty [when talking to girls]. [Say], ‘I think you’re cute, I’d love to take you out,’ ” says Anderson. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being honest and forward with what you want is important, otherwise you’ll end up in the hell that is the friend zone. It’s also important to be confident and look a woman in the
eye. I learned this the hard way last year when a woman on the bus screamed at me for staring at her chest. I tried playing it off by saying breasts were the eyes of the chest. She didn’t get it, and had the bus driver revoke my pass. So make sure you look into her actual eyes. Even then, a few polite words can only take you so far. Until a girl talks to you and gets to know you, she’ll be judging you on your appearance, which can be trouble for someone like me who feels most comfortable in ratty sweatpants and an old t-shirt with holes in the underarm. Same goes for grooming. One time I was in an airport after just getting off a red eye flight, when I noticed a cute girl at baggage claim that I wouldn’t have minded getting to know. Unfortunately, my
luggage was lost so I had no way of freshening up and my clothes smelled like I had been wearing them for a couple days. But that didn’t deter me from talking to her. At first she was disgusted by my justwoke-up breath and hair style, so she tried to run. I ran after her, hoping it would prove how dedicated I was to making this work. However she didn’t understand, so she screamed for security and I was arrested. She was shallow though. I’m sure if I had been dressed nicely and had fresh breath she wouldn’t have had a problem with me chasing after her and drooling. So looking good is a must. But at the end of the day, as clichéd as it sounds, just be yourself. Don’t expect to be successful on your first time out. After all, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.