His Insignificant Son

SON HIS INSIGNIFICANT

His Insignificant Son

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Dedrick, you’re old enough to make your own decisions. I wouldn’t be upset if you wanted to get to know your father,” Mama said, startling me. I stopped eating and stared at her across the table. “You’ve never asked many questions about him,” she continued. “The time is now. If there’s anything you want to know-”

“Mama, why should I want to know anything about him?” I interrupted. “I know all I want to know. He left you and me, didn’t he?”

It came out in any angry tone, but I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I really didn’t care about the guy, so why should the mention of him upset me?

“That man is not my father,” I said quietly. “I wish you wouldn’t bring him up. I don’t know him and I don’t want to. What kind of father would desert his own son before he was even born? A deadbeat father, that’s what kind,” I answered for myself.

I guess I should have been concerned when Mama brought up my father in our conversation. She had never mentioned him much in seventeen years, but I really didn’t make anything of it until later.

Mama absently picked at her food. It dawned on me she’d been picking at her food a lot lately. What was up with that?

“Are you on a diet or something?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No, baby. I just don’t have an appetite these days.” She sighed from deep within. “I really wish you’d talk about this Dedrick. One day, you may need him and ”

“Need him? Please.” I shook my head. “Mama, why do you keep talking about that man? Why would I ever need him?

You and me, we’re doing fine. You’re going to be around for a long time. You’re both a mother and a father to me. He’s nothing to me. If I passed him on the street, I wouldn’t even recognize him.” I got up and took my plate to the sink. “Ma, do you want me to wash the dishes? You look kind of tired.” I changed the subject again.

“Sure, baby. I know you don’t want to hear about him, but soon you’ll have to listen.” I could see she wasn’t going to let the topic rest so easily. I turned away and began running water into the sink. I didn’t want to hear about my father. He’d left me before I was born. Some father.

“Dedrick, I think I’ll go lie down for a while. I feel a little dizzy.”

I turned to stare into her face. “Dizzy? Mama, are you all right?” It wasn’t until then I noticed the dark smudges underneath her eyes. She looked very tired. Her hair had come loose from the neat French braid she kept it in. Mama’s hair was always immaculate. Something wasn’t right.

“I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep too well last night. You know how hard it is to ignore all of the night sounds. I’ll just go take a short nap. I’ll be fine,” she assured me, smoothing her hair back into place as though she’d read my thoughts.

I watched as she made her way out of the room. Something was wrong and she wasn’t telling me what. It gnawed at me while I finished cleaning the kitchen. An odd feeling I couldn’t shake settled over me.

I looked in on Mama about two hours later and she was still asleep. She must have been exhausted. I figured I’d vacuum the living room and tidy up around the house so she wouldn’t have to do it when she woke up.

The second I plugged in the vacuum the doorbell rang. My friends, James, Bruce and Mark dropped by to see what I was up to. I forgot about housecleaning when they stepped inside. We got busy playing cards and watching the game. Before I knew it, the time had passed quickly. It was ten o’clock and Mama still hadn’t awakened. She usually monitored my friends and me, making sure we weren’t doing anything illegal. She’d do it on the sly, but I always knew what she was up to. This time, she hadn’t even popped into the room and I know we’d been loud. I was concerned so I went to check on her again once my friends left.

“Mama?” I knocked and when I got no answer I cracked the door. “Mama, are you okay?” She didn’t respond and that was unlike her. Mama had always been a very light sleeper.

I hit the switch on the side of the wall, flooding the room with light. Mama still didn’t stir.

“Ma, you’ve been asleep a long time, are you okay?” I stepped into the room and walked over to her bed. “Mama?” She lay so still, like she was- “Mama.” I shook her shoulder in alarm. “Mama. Wake up.”

She didn’t move. My heart leapt into my throat. Her breathing was very shallow. I checked her pulse and found that it was weak.

With trembling fingers I dialed 911. It wasn’t long before I heard the sirens, but it seemed like an eternity. Help arrived and the ambulance attendants rushed in. They put Mama on a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over her face. That’s the moment I got scared.

“DJ, man we saw the ambulance. What’s going on?” It was Mark. He and Bruce had returned. They looked at me, waiting for an answer, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

We’d all grown up together and were best friends. They even lived on the same street. I’d always been able to tell them anything, but at the moment I couldn’t speak.

“It’s Mrs. Jackson. Something’s wrong,” Bruce said, as the attendants wheeled my mother past them.

“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” Mark offered. I nodded automatically. I felt numb inside. What was I going to do without Mama? If anything ever happened to her…

Mark and Bruce sat with me in the waiting room at the hospital. It seemed like hours before someone came out to tell me any news about Mama.

The doctor, a short, robust man with graying hair that was balding on the top, took me to the side.

“Were you aware your mother has a brain tumor?” he asked.

“No way. You’ve got to be kidding,” I exclaimed, the news totally unexpected.

“No,” he said in a serious tone. “And from the looks of her charts, she’s had it for quite some time. I’m sorry to tell you this, son, but the news is bad, extremely bad.”

I stared at his stethoscope and his bald spot, anywhere but into his eyes. He had to be lying. I didn’t want to hear it, but he kept talking anyway.

“The tumor is malignant and it’s inoperable,” he continued in his soothing tone.

“So,” I took a deep breath. “So, uh, what are you trying to tell me?” I dreaded asking the question, but I needed to know.

“I’m sorry.” His eyes held compassion when I finally looked into them.

“No. Don’t tell me she’s d”

“No, no,” he answered quickly. “She’s in stable condition for now. But I’m afraid she will not leave this hospital alive.”

As the doctor’s words sank in I felt myself slipping into despair. My mama was dying. It just couldn’t be true. “I advise you to spend as much time with her as you possibly can,” he continued in his quiet manner. “There’s not much we can do for her now. It’s in the hands of a higher power.” With that, he nodded then walked off.

My whole world shattered as I watched his back. The tails of his white coat flapped as he hurried away. I felt as though I was suffocating.

Somehow, I convinced my friends I’d be okay and they finally left. I had to deal with things on my own. I didn’t even want my best friends to know how scared I really was. I needed to be with Mama, alone.

They had her hooked up to all of these tubes, like you see in the movies. It didn’t seem real when I walked into the room and saw her like that. She looked frail and sickly, her head pressed against the white sheets of the hospital bed. My breath

caught in my throat. I went over and sat in the closest chair.

“Mama,” I whispered. “I love you.”

Her eyes fluttered open.

“I’ve known for a while- about thistumor,” she said weakly. “I didn’t- want to-worry you.”

“Oh, Mama.” I sighed. She always placed my needs first. “You shouldn’t have tried to handle it alone.” I took her hand in mine. “We’ll get through this together. Just like we’ve gotten through everything else,” I promised.

She shook her head with great effort. “No, Dedrick. Not this time,” she stunned me by saying.

“Mama, don’t talk like that. Those doctors are wrong. You’ll see. You’ll be out of here in no time.”

She reached out and pointed to the table where her purse lay. I’d thought to place it with her when the ambulance attendants arrived. I reached over, retrieved it and handed it to her. Slowly, she searched in her wallet for something until she found it. When she held it out, I could see it was a photo.

“This is a picture of your father,” she told me, speaking quickly as if afraid she

wouldn’t be able to get the words out. “I’ve kept in touch with him all these years. I’ve sent him pictures of you. I’ve always known the day would come when you’d want or need to see him.” She paused and drew in a deep breath. I could tell talking was draining her strength. I tried to stop her, but she stubbornly went on. “Dedrick, he’s only a thirty minute drive away from here. Go find him and tell him I need to see him. It’s urgent. Hurry, because I don’t have much time left.”

Her tone of voice and her words alarmed me. I’ve never disobeyed my mother, and I wasn’t going to even think about not doing what she’d requested.

She handed me the picture along with a business card. The card had his name on it. On the back was his home address written in Mama’s neat handwriting. “Hurry,” she urged, squeezing my hand. “Forgive him, Dedrick. Promise me?”

I stared into her eyes and knew I had to tell her what she needed to hear. “I promise, Mama.”

* * *

Anthony T.

James, Attorney At Law

, was what was printed on the business card. I figured he’d live in some fancy

house, and I was right. I parked my Honda Accord and got out. The house was huge with a tall, secured gate. I couldn’t help but to mentally compare his house with the one I lived in. Our house was nothing in comparison.

I pushed the button on the security monitor’s intercom. It wasn’t long before someone answered.

“Hello?” I didn’t know what the hell to say, but I rushed on. “I’m looking for Anthony James.”

“Why?” the voice demanded.

“Well, I’m his…. son- and my mother’s in the hospital,” I said quickly. “I think she’s –dying.” I finally said the words. I swallowed thickly. “She has to see him,” I ended.

“One moment.”

The gate slide back and I approached the house. I hurried up the steps. The door opened and a thin, dark-skinned man ushered me inside. He must be the butler or something because he looked nothing like the man in the photo.

“Dedrick?” A man hurrying down the stairs questioned. He was buttoning his shirt and his shoes were under his arm.

“Yeah,” I answered. “Anthony?” I stared at the man who was supposed to be my father. It was as if I was looking in the mirror twenty years down the line. Damn. It wasn’t funny. I looked exactly like him.

I guess he was thinking the same thing. For a moment, we stared at each other in complete silence.

“Patricia’s in the hospital? What happened?” he asked.

I broke out of the trance I had slipped into. “She has a brain tumor,” I choked out. “She said it’s urgent that she sees you. She doesn’t think she has much time left.”

“Let’s go.” I noticed that he hadn’t even put on his shoes as I rushed behind him.

I felt awkward as I slid beside him in the Mercedes. What exactly did you say to a man you’d never seen; a man who is your father? I said nothing, just stared out the window as he broke speed limits to get to St. Anthony’s Hospital.

“If I had known," he kept saying over and over. I just tuned him out. You would have known if you’d bothered to keep in touch, I thought bitterly.

Once we reached the hospital, he rushed in to be with Mama. They talked for a long time. I kept watching the clock and looking through the glass, wondering when he’d come out. I couldn’t sleep. I paced up and down the floor because I was so worried. I finally sat in one of the hard-backed chairs and put my head in my hands.

What the hell were they discussing for two hours? Three hours? I couldn’t stand that man. He was taking up too much of my mother’s time. I should be in there with her, not him.

Finally, some time after five in the morning, he entered the waiting area. I glared at him.

“Mama will be fine. I don’t know why she asked for you,” I spat.

“Your mother is very ill.”

“Oh, so you’re a doctor as well as a big-shot lawyer?” I said sarcastically. “Dedrick, I know this is a very tentative situation. I have no words of explanation to offer. The time just isn’t right. I know you think Patricia is going to miraculously recover, but that isn’t going to happen. Your mother is dying.”

“Don’t say that.” I jumped up. “Don’t come stepping into my life telling me my mother is dying. I wish it were you in there instead of her.” The horrible words just flew out of my mouth on their own accord.

He pretended he wasn’t affected by my outburst. He walked over to a window and gazed out.

“Patricia wants us to get to know each other.” He let out a deep sigh. “I’m willing to-”

“Man, please,” I interrupted. “I don’t want to know you. I don’t need you for anything.” I glared at him with hatred, pure and strong. “I’m going to see my mama. Excuse me,” I said through tight lips.

I pulled the chair up as close as I could get it to the bed and laid half my body next to hers. I wanted to be close to Mama, just in case. It wasn’t long before I nodded off to sleep.

All of the machines began beeping at once and the next thing I knew the room was full of doctors and nurses. They told me I had to leave, but I fought them all the way. I felt it was probably my last chance to see Mama alive.

Anthony came into the room and tried to calm me down, but that only made me angrier.

“The doctors are doing all they can. There’s nothing that you or I can do,” he said, leading me out of the room.

“Shut up,” I told him, snatching away. “I don’t want to hear anything you’ve got to say.”

“I’m going to get some coffee,” he told me, as if I cared. “I’ll be right back.” He could have flown to the moon and it wouldn’t have made a difference to me.

In the five minutes it took him to get his coffee, Mama died. The short, balding doctor came to tell me she was gone.

When Anthony returned, I was looking out the same window he’d been gazing out of earlier that morning.

“I guess they’ll let us know something momentarily,” he said.

“They already did. She’s dead,” I told him in a flat tone of voice.

“What?” The cup of coffee he held slipped from his hands and hit the floor. “Doctor,” he called, hurrying to catch up with the balding man, who was most likely on his way to tell another family bad news concerning someone they loved.

I watched the spilled coffee roll across the black and white tiled squares. I noticed it all through a haze. Their voices echoed in the hallway, but I tuned out the sounds. I walked down the hall in the opposite direction, heading for the elevators. I felt like a zombie as I stepped into the compartment.

“Dedrick.” It was him. I pushed the Close Door button, but he elbowed his way through. “Dedrick, we have to talk. There are some things that need to be settled. We have to discuss the funeral and-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I interrupted.

“I know you’re in great pain”

“You don’t know shit,” I exploded.

“Your mother wants me to take care of the funeral-”

“Can’t you understand English?” I yelled. “I said I don’t want to hear it. How do you know what she wants? You don’t know anything about her. You left her when she was young and pregnant. I don’t need you to step in and try to take over now. I can handle everything by myself.”

“She left a Last Will and Testament. Would you like to see it?”

“Whatever.” I said, turning away to stare at the wall.

The elevator stopped and I got off. I began walking as fast as I could to get away from him. Once outside, I looked across the parking lot then remembered my car was at his house.

Damn.

“I’ll take you by your house so you can get a few things,” he said from behind. “You’ll be living with me.” His words froze my heart.

“You must be out of your mind,” I said stiffly.

“Look, Patricia wanted me to look after you, and I promised I would. It was the last thing she said to me, and I’ll be damned if I don’t do it,” he said with a touch of anger in his voice.

“Well, I’m sure you promised a lot of things. But you seem to be good at breaking promises,” I snapped.

“Dedrick, get in the car and I don’t want to hear another word from you. I’m just as grief stricken as you are. Regardless of what you may think, I did care for Patricia. I cared more than you’ll ever know.”

Some way of caring, I thought. If he’d cared so much, he wouldn’t have left. * * *

It really didn’t hit me right away that Mama wasn’t coming home. I hadn’t accepted it. I kept thinking to myself I’d just be living with Anthony for a little while until Mama got better. Then, I’d remember Mama was never getting better. She was gone forever. I’d never see her again, only in pictures and in memories.

“Dedrick, are you ready?” that man asked. I threw him a brief glance. He wore a pair of black trousers with a white shirt. The sleeves were pressed and stiffly creased. He even had on a silk tie. He held the matching jacket across one arm.

I’d been up for hours. I’d gotten dressed in my own dark suit, black dress socks, shiny black Stacy Adams and tie. But was I ready?

“Who’s ever ready for a funeral?” I asked sarcastically and he frowned. “It’ll get easier,” he told me. “Things will start to seem normal again- one day,” he added.

“It won’t. Things will never be the same. Not without Mama.” I walked past him and out the door.

I had to admit, he had laid Mama to rest beautifully. It would have been the

way she would want to go out of this world, in style. The top of her casket was completely covered with white lilies. Assortments of other flowers were placed around the church. There was a banner around the casket that read:

Our Beloved Patricia, May You Rest In Peace

I guess I really hadn’t grasped the real meaning of the word death until they lowered that casket into the ground and threw dirt on top of it. It had such finality. My heart broke each time I heard the shovel dig into the dirt. When the dirt hit the top of the casket, that’s when I broke. I was so distraught I tried to climb into the grave. It took several people to hold me back. I sank to my knees and cried as though I’d lost everything. In a sense, I had.

Later, back at Anthony’s house, I went through the motions of accepting people’s condolences. I really just wanted to be left alone to deal with my grief. But, I couldn’t even do that in peace. He was hovering around, asking me how I was holding up, getting on my nerves.

“Just leave me alone, okay?” I barked, after the third time he’d asked.

“You should try to eat something,” he persisted. “I noticed you picked at your breakfast this morning. You didn’t eat anything at dinnertime yesterday. It’s after four, you should-”

“Leave me alone.” I walked into my room and sat on the bed. He stood in the doorway with a worried expression on his face. Finally, he closed the door, and I could breathe.

After what seemed like an eternity the people left. I changed out of my suit and put on a pair of Nike sweat shorts and a tee shirt.

Quietness filled the house. I wandered listlessly from one room to the next. How did you go on once the person you loved most in the world was gone?

The light of the day was slowly fading as I stared out the living room window. I saw people passing by on their way to the store, to a park, or to the movies. They were carrying on as though everything was normal. For them it was, but for me, my whole world had been crushed. Life as I’d known it would never be the same.

All of the images before me began to blur.

I sensed that man enter the room. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off.

“Man, get your hands off me. Don’t try to pretend you care about me just because Mama died. I don’t need your pity. I don’t need anything from you. The only reason I’m staying with you is because I have to. But when I turn eighteen, I’m out. You can make believe I never existed, something you’re good at doing anyway.”

I was hurting and I wanted to lash out to hurt someone else. Who was a better candidate than the man who had deserted me before I was born?

* * *

Together forever, we were so wrong

Now, I just can’t believe that you’re gone

And I’m so alone, alone

You never miss a good friend til they’re gone.

And I’m so alone, I’m so alone, yes I am.

I really can’t believe that you’re gone, gone, gone

I turned over and clicked the radio off. The last thing I wanted to hear was some rapper singing about his mother passing away. It hit too close to home. The strange surroundings offered me no comfort. The double bed I was lying in was probably new. It felt like it had never been slept in. The pictures on the walls were meaningless; some expensive art collection I wouldn’t have wasted money on. The whole huge room was foreign to me. I wanted my own room, my own bed. I wanted my mother.

For a second, I thought my wish had come true when the door to my room cracked. But instead of Mama peering into the room to see if I was awake, it was the butler. He entered, carrying a tray of food. “Man, can’t you knock?” I snapped.

“Good morning.” He ignored my obvious anger. “Mr. James suggested I bring your breakfast up to you.”

“Tell Mr. James to shove his suggestions up his ass. I’m not hungry.”

“Very well. I’ll take this back to the kitchen.” His eyes were filled with sympathy as he stared at me.

“Get out,” I snapped.

“If that’s what you wish,” he said meekly and hurried off.

The clock on the wall ticked. I watched the pendulum swing back and forth. Time. All I had now was time.

I heard footsteps outside my door and slipped back under the covers. I pretended to be asleep as the door opened. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him.

“Hey, get up, man.” It was Mark. “Me and the boys having a cook-out at my house. You wanna come?”

“Yeah, sure.” I threw the covers back and got out of the bed. “I’ll be ready in a sec.” I went to take a quick shower and threw on a Sean Jean outfit.

“Man, DJ, this house is all that,” Mark commented when I came out of the bathroom.

“Oh, really? I guess I haven’t had time to notice,” I said, tying my Air Jordans.

“I’m really sorry about your mom, man. I had no idea she was so sick,” he told me.

“I didn’t know either. She kept it a secret until the end. I guess you just never know,” I said.

There was an awkward silence that usually takes place surrounding such a subject. Mark cleared his throat.

“Your dad seems cool,” he said. “You think he’ll let you drive that Benz?”

“He’s not my dad,” I snapped and noticed the surprised look in Mark’s eyes. “You look just like him. What do you mean?”

“I mean, he’s my biological father, but he’s not my dad. Have you ever heard of him before now?” He shook his head. “And I don’t know about the car. He and I don’t have a lot to say to each other.” At least, I didn’t have anything to say to him. “Hey, let’s get out of here,” I said suddenly impatient.

“Sure. Bruce is DJing the party and Darrell’s on the grill. We better hurry before he burns the place down.” I could picture that happening. I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. It was stuck in my throat, trapped down inside. I wondered if I’d ever laugh again.

The party was all that, but I just wasn’t in the mood to have fun. Back in the day, I would have been just as loud and rambunctious as the rest of my

friends. There were even girls in bathing suits but they didn’t excite me. Nothing was the same.

I didn’t feel like partying, but I didn’t feel like facing Anthony either. That was what I’d decided to call him. Anthony. Because he was no father.

I saw no reason to act like everything was normal when it wasn’t. While everyone was busy having a good time, I slipped away. ***

The house was silent and empty. I don’t know what I’d expected. Mama’s ghost? Anyway, I just sat in the living room and let my mind drift back over the years.

I stared at all of the pictures of me on the wall, above the fireplace; just about everywhere Mama could place a picture. She’d loved taking pictures of me.

I’d had a happy childhood, despite the fact that sometimes my mother had to struggle to make ends meet. I had no other relatives. Mama was an only child and her parents died during her first year of college. She’d never had the opportunity to finish. She dropped out, signed up for the C.N.A. course at the vocational school

and made a life for herself at an early age. Over the years, she’d become a LPN and was the Director of Nursing until her recent demise.

I loved my mother fiercely. It was just her and me, but that was alright by me. She was a strong woman who had instilled a great deal of values in me. She’d taught me to respect myself, to respect women, as well as all of mankind.

Mama had offered encouragement and taught me to always believe in myself. As a result of my upbringing, I was an honor roll student and had awards and trophies in different sporting events. These, she also displayed proudly around the house and on shelves in my bedroom.

As I sat there, I thought about all the dreams Mama and I had discussed. I planned to attend college to become a Physical Therapist, a choice Mama was proud of.

I always thought Mama would be there to see me travel down the road to success. As it was, she wouldn’t even be at my high school graduation. I wouldn’t have her taking pictures of me dressed up for the Senior Prom. No more nightly talks and

making her favorite French toast for Mother’s Day. Mama was gone forever.

The most important thing in the world to Mama was family. She’d always wanted a big family, but it hadn’t worked out that way. That’s probably why she wanted me to get to know Anthony. To her, he was my family; all the family I had left in the world.

Mama had also raised me to not judge people. In her opinion, judgment should be left up to God alone. I realized I’d been judging my father and that wasn’t right. Mama wouldn’t approve and the last thing I wanted was to disappoint her.

“Dedrick, I thought you’d be here,” he said quietly. I didn’t move, just continued to stare into space. I realized there was no use telling him to leave me alone because he wasn’t going to listen. He sighed deeply and took a seat next to me on the couch. “I don’t know where to begin,” he said. “I guess no amount of words can change the way you feel about me. But, maybe after hearing what I have to say, you’ll understand why I couldn’t be there for you and especially not for Patricia.”

“I’ll listen,” I said quietly.

“I was twenty-two when I met your mother. I was immature and broke as a joke.” He chuckled a bit and went on. “By day, I drove a van and tried to sell duplicated tapes and CDs for a living. But that didn’t bring in enough money to do the things I had to do. Dedrick, I have two other children that were born before you and another one that’s your age, as well. I had to take care of them financially. So, by night I began stripping at dance clubs. It was easy money. Somehow, it became an obsession, though. I was making more money than I ever had in my life. Women literally threw themselves at me. I must admit, it all went to my head.”

I just stared at him, somewhat shocked. My father used to be a male stripper? From drawers to laws? I thought and almost laughed. I wanted him to go on. I needed to know more.

“Did Mama know?” I asked. “About your other children?”

“Yes, she knew,” he said. “I kept breaking her heart time after time. But, she was so sweet and forgiving. No matter what I’d do, Patricia would always take me back. She accepted me on my terms. She

loved me in spite of my infidelities. She stuck by me faithfully.”

“Then why?” I ask. “Why did you leave her? You said you have other children and you tried to take care of them. Why didn’t you help her with me?” I felt angry all over again.

“I can’t explain. I guess I’ll just have to tell you the whole story,” he said, standing up. “It’s such a dreadful thing to have happen. But, I guess God makes us all pay for our sins one way or another. You’re old enough to know about sexually transmitted diseases. I’m sure you’re familiar with Herpes?”

I nodded wondering what STDs had to do with him and my mother.

“Well, my fast lifestyle caught up with me. Not long after I learned Patricia was pregnant with you, I discovered that I had Herpes. Thank God Patricia didn’t contract it. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.” He began to pace the room. “I was so ashamed. I felt dirtytainted. I couldn’t face Patricia. She was so perfect and loving and pure-hearted. I just couldn’t face her. I couldn’t be any significant part of your lives with the lifestyle I led. I knew Patricia was strong.

She’d be able to make it without me. To be truthful, I felt you and she were better off without me around.”

I was silent for a long time, letting it all sink in. I tried to put myself in his shoes. I mean he had to live the rest of his life with an incurable disease. I’d probably want to isolate myself from everyone, too.

“Did you ever tell her about having that- disease?” I questioned.

“I couldn’t.” He shook his head. “I just let her believe all these years I was just too selfish to settle down with one woman. She thought I didn’t love her. The truth was, once I contracted Herpes that was the end to my wild sex life. I didn’t feel worthy of anyone’s love, less of all Patricia’s. For a while, I loathed myself. I was too ashamed to tell Patricia. I just couldn’t let her know I had an incurable disease, brought about because of my own selfish actions.” He took a deep breath and turned to face me. It wasn’t until then I noticed the tears in his eyes. I felt a small amount of sympathy. It was a beginning.

“Dedrick, I know I’ll never be able to be a father to you,” he said quietly. “But, I wish more than anything in this world, I can be a friend.”

I felt my lips move. “I guess that would work,” I found myself saying. “I mean, it’s what Mama would want.”

“God, how I miss Patricia. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I did love her, Dedrick. I loved her so much I had to let her go.”

In a way, I understood. “I miss her, too,” I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat.

“It seems like the pain will never go away, but it will, in time.”

“I know.” I stood up, too. “I guess I’ll go back to the party. My friends are probably wondering what happened to me.”

“Would you like a ride?” Anthony asked.

“No, Mark’s house is right across the street.” I thought for a second. “There is something I’d like, though.” I looked fully into my father’s face for the first time since I’d met him.

“What is it?”

“I’d like to drive that Benz. I’ve had my license since I turned fifteen,” I added. He stared back at me then his face broke into a wide grin. He reached into his pocket, got his keys and tossed them to me.

‘”I guess we can start making up for lost time,” he said.

“Yeah, that’ll work.” I clasped the keys in my hand and stared at the picture of Mama on the wall. “We’ll make up for lost time.”

Anthony noticed my gaze and he too looked at the picture. I can’t be sure, but it looked like Mama smiled at us. He put his arm around my shoulder and this time I didn’t shrug it off. This time, his touch felt somewhat comforting; like the touch of a father.

THE END

Other works by Teresa

Novels

1. A Bitter Pill to Swallow (Collaboration with Keith Gaston)

2. Big Tobe: Retribution

3. Ex-boyfriend

4. Fetish

5. FoodstampDivas

6. Headlines

7. In Need of a Joshua Man

8. Panzina’s Passion

9. Pipe Dreams

10. Project Queen

11. Project Queen 2

12. Real Hood Wives of St. Pete., The

13. Spin Cycle

14. They Call Me Mr. G-Spot

15. Uncrossing Her Legs

16. Unpretty Secrets

17. What About Your Friends

18. When There Are No Tomorrows

Novellas

19. All of Me Loves All of You

20. My Cousin, Lenore

21. Soul on Fire

22. Under the Oak Tree

23. Unseen Wounds

24. Wolf in the Pulpit

Young Adult Titles

25. Janell Has an Attitude

26. Sequoia Denise, Just a Kid

Short Stories

27. Christmas Morning

28. Daddy Never Loved Me

29. His Insignificant Son

30. How Many Licks

31. Office Grapevine

32. Raggedy Ann

33. She Gets What She Wants

34. The Boy Who Needed Someone & Other Stories

35. The Power in Words

HIS INSIGNIFICANT SON HIS INSIGNIFICANT SON

A young teen tries to honor his mother’s dying request and get to know his absentee father. Can he forgive a man who was never there, whose absence made him feel insignificant for most of his life?