See
Special Issue: Saluting 0-C ::~
chancellor Leon McFelgoy poses for the Telescope cameraman in front of 0-C's new Hernia Hills campus. OCEANSIDE-CARLSBAD
0-C Head Speaks Here Wednesday
Riot Results When Fly Spotted In Soup; 450 Involved Twenty county sheriff units rushed to the Student Union this morning to quell a free-for-all involving over450 students and faculty members. Seventeen students were arrested. Sixteen of the students were from Santa Ana College, according to Special Investigator Malcolm Smith. The seventeenth student, Jess Serrano, 19, a Palomar College sophomore, was cited for starting a riot, failure to disperse, and assault with a deadly weapon. The incident began when Mr. Robert Bowman, a faculty member eating across the table from Serrano, told Serrano "There's a fly in your soup." Serrano thought he said, "Your beard is hanging in your soup" and attacked Bowman with his cane. The Santa Ana students then came to the aid of Serrano. "We thought Bowman was trying to take Jess' cane away from him," a spokesman for the group said.
Oceanside-Carlsbad Junior College chancellor Leon McFelgoy will speak to the Palomar College student body at 10 a.m. Wednesday morning in the student union. quotient of the average ape."
Subject of the chancellor's speech will be "OceansideCarlsbad Junior College's role in modern education." He will compare 0 -C to such great educational institutions as Slippery Rock Teachers College, Tijuana School for the Mentally Retarded and Buena Vista Lagoon Barber's College. "0-C students surpassed their greatest level of intelligence this year according to the national intelligence tests," the chancellor said in a special interview this morning. "For the first time the 0-Cistudents surpassed the intelligence
School To Rea
McFelgoy considers this an accomplishment beyond scope, as when he took over the school four years ago the 0-C student spelling team had just been defeated by a team of talking pigs. McFelgoy denied comment on the rumor that 0-C planned to change its name to Oceanside Extended High School when the college moves into its new Hernia Hills campus next fall. He became outraged at this question and tried to attack the Telescope reporter. He bit off his thumb in an attempt to get it out of his mouth, however.
Benefits
A faculty member and student hassle during
lunch dispute in Student Union. Story on page). 路 Palomar To Get Funds this For Hash-Hish Farm SB Edict Abolishes By Gilloe Sniffer
Palomar College has been announced as the site for a new experimental hash-hish plantation, a County Department spokesman said yesterday. The plantation will be spread across the former football field and will extend over to the tennis courts. The chain link fence surrounding the courts will be used as structure for a hanging mistletoe garden, similar to the ancient hanging gardens of Babylon. Dr. Leucotomy Hypothalamus, Lavatory Technician for Aguanga City College and major advocator for the vaunted "Malted Milk For Unwed Mothers" charity, had this to say about benefits from hash-hish growing: "I feel this program is beneficial because being a more arid crop than poppies or peyote, hash-hish will not leave serious 路after effects with the bird and animal population of the surrounding areas. That is in most cases. " "In one case , a careless worker smoking in a field , started a fire with a disca rded cigarette. Four engine companies responded , and , upon smelling the acrid fumes, hopped back into
Ye Olde Bulletin Names used on the front page of this April 1 parody issue are fictitious, except in the cases of Bob Bowman, Jess Serrano , Ted Repa and John Linneman, who don't give a d--路 anyway. All incidents reported on the front page are fictitious.
their engines and drove through the back countcy burning everything in sight." "In another case, gophers began stealing the newly planted shoots faster than the workers could plant them. Three weeks later they marched on the capitol picketing for the vote and lower taxes." In an unprecedented move this morning, ASB "A bull on a small farm in New York happened to nibble council voted unanimously to abolish all intercolbits of the tasty plant. He im- legiate athletics. mediately hurdled the fence, The motion was made by John Linneman and secran into town, and gored the onded by Ted Repa, who later gave "the inherent county's artificial inseminator. evils of competitive athletics" as reasons for their The bull was later found in a tree shinnying out a limb after stand. "Athletics can only a female bird. Otherwise there result in mental anguish, have been no repercussions." All mistletoe that is harvested physical deformation and will be smuggled across the borsometimes even death," der into Mexico for sale to the Repa commented. elementary and junior high He suggested that the school students of Baja Califorcollege replace the athnia, said Hypodermic Snow, export agent for the "Merry letic program with yoga. Masochistic Mistletoe Munch"Yoga relaxes both the ers of Minneapolis." body and the mind and Any remnants of the harvest one can partake of it The administration towill be used to decorate the while sitting in class, Student Union for the up and day overruled student coming Beaux Arts Ball. Some judicial council's deciwhich is its advantage will also be distributed to the sion to allow Igor S. Marx, over athletics," Repa poor of Rancho Santa Fe to said. "Also, both students give them a better outlook on third ranking janitor at the Kremlin, to appear and instructors alike can life. take part, giving a sense The project is schedul ed for here to "convince the February 30 with a gala ribbon working class to rise and of comradeship." cutting ceremony to be attended by William G. Bonelli, Iva Kroe- overthrow the dictator- college until a "new president ger, Ferdinant Quizzling, ship of the faculty." could be chosen by free elecGeorge Lincoln Rockwell, and According to Comrade Marx, tions, within the decade and J. W. Booth. Ti ckets will on "the f aculty has the student body certa inly within the ne xt censal e in the towel room of the in chains. It is now time to rise tury." boys gym be tween 6 and 7 a. m. up and assert our natural suThe administration turned the preceding day. Proceed s to premacy." down Marx' request to speak beMarx said he would appoint cause he could not produce a go to "Suntan Lotion For Albino Lifeguards." himself interim president of the peddlar's license.
Athletic Following Linneman's Motion
Discover Body Near Lockers An unidentified Palomar College student was found dead this morning in the men's locker room. Investigating officers estimated the time of death as sometime early Saturday morning or late Friday night. "Apparently this student got locked-in Friday night and was unable to pry the door open," an officer said. Cause of death was listed as suffocation.
Bar Speech路 By Kremlin Janitor Here
PALOMAR COED protests decision of administration to bar Kremlin Janitor from speaking on campus. (see story, column 4).