Words to Avoid

Words to Avoid Andrea S. Kramer and Alton B. Harris For women in the workplace, fighting implicit gender biases is a constant struggle. Due to baked-in stereotypes, they battle against the unconscious assumption that women are less talented and capable than men. The problem is that when women conform to these stereotypical characteristics, they are viewed as likable but too “soft” for leadership; and when women flout female stereotypes and behave in agentive and masculine ways (such as expressing decisiveness and forcefulness), they are often viewed as too “hard” to be likable. Together, we have written extensively about how women can navigate this dilemma, find ways to be “just right,” and avoid or overcome the discriminatory consequences of gender bias. In our book, Breaking Through Bias, we present a variety of communication techniques women can use to increase their career success despite the presence of gender bias in their workplaces. But wholly apart from the positive steps women can take to counter gender bias, there are a number of things they should not do—chief among them is using words and phrases that reinforce gender bias. Here are some key examples of these linguistic missteps and the reasons they should be banished from your vocabulary. 1. “LIKE” The use of “like” in superfluous ways has become ubiquitous among young women and girls. And even in the workplace, women going after career advancement can frequently be heard using the word to punctuate their statements, such as, “We, like, should pursue that plan,” or “Is this, like, a necessary step to take?” Some linguists believe that the use of “like” in grammatically unnecessary ways functions as a tool for building relationships and softening what otherwise might be hard-edge impressions. Nevertheless, we have not found a single example of the grammatically superfluous use of “like” by a Fortune 500 CEO, a senior academic older than 45, or a U.S. military general. In serious career situations, the superfluous use of “like” risks undermining your impression as a confident, competent, and forceful person and risks making you appear juvenile, tentative, and even irritating. In other words, the grammatically unnecessary use of the word “like” undermines your efforts to present yourself as ready for leadership. Drop it. 2. “JUST” “Just” is another, often superfluous, word that can undermine your efforts to avoid or overcome gender biases. For example, when you say things such as, “I just think,” “I just need,” or “I was just checking on,” you appear uncertain and confused. Indeed, the frequent use of “just” conveys a subtle message of subordination, deference, and self-effacement. It weakens your message and undermines the impression that you have confidence, control, and knowledge. Your message will be much clearer and more forceful without the use of “just.” Consider, “Do you have a moment?” or “When you have a moment, I’d like to discuss this with you”; and “I want to check on this.” With these phrases, you are presenting yourself as strong and assertive, not tentative or deferential, as when you unnecessarily drop “just” in your vocabulary. 3. “YOU KNOW” This phrase is a filler phrase, similar to “um,” “er,” “ah,” “basically,” “I mean,” “so,” and “okay.”