actiononmalesuicide.org
Making sense of suicide.
EVERY SUICIDE IS AN INDIVIDUAL SYMPHONY OF SORROW. Every man who is suicidal carries his own story, his own pain, his own history. No two lives are the same.
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EVERY SUICIDE IS UNIQUE & DOESN’T COME FROM A SINGLE CAUSE. When we hear a symphony, we don’t look for one instrument to explain the sound. We understand it’s many instruments together.
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The same is true with suicide.
It does not happen because of one risk factor acting alone. It’s many factors interacting over time. To identify the roots of a man’s sorrow, we have to listen to the whole
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This includes exploring not just what’s happening inside a man now, but events from his past, how he has been treated, the pressures he lives under, and the world he is trying to survive in. The roots of a man’s pain can be tied to many different factors.
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CHILDHOOD Some people grow up in homes where they feel safe and loved. Other children grow up having to adapt and survive in unsafe environments. What happens in our early-life can shape how we learn to cope, to trust, and to ask Our research shows school can also be a very difficult place for some men. Bullying, exclusion, and isolation can erode confidence and self-worth over time.
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“My mother attempted suicide three times, the third time she forced me to watch while she blamed me. I was 7. (…)” Canadian man, 41, who has had thoughts of suicide in the last year
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“What really messed me up was my peers and adults at school and extracurricular activities, where I was subjected to constant physical, mental, and social abuse.” American man, 40, who has attempted suicide
FRIENDSHIPS
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Friendships can be a critical source of connection. Having people we feel meaningfully and intimately connected with - people we can trust and who we matter too - can make life feel more bearable. Our research suggests a lot of men are lonely for friendship and that when those connections are missing, fragile, or break down, pain can deepen.
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“Once retired, life is very lonely, and all there is to occupy the mind is how much better life should be. I live in a bedsit flat, alone. Nobody to share with.” English man, 66, who has had thoughts of suicide in the last week
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WORK & MONEY For many men, providing for loved ones and achieving at work can be a source of meaning, responsibility, and build a sense of worth. But the economic pressures of the modern world can be relentless. Growing up in poverty, job insecurity, long hours, debt, housing costs, or the fear of falling behind can create constant stress and pressure.
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“Hand to mouth survival and no time for rest or hobbies. Industrialized society and capitalism have commodified and price-tagged just about every possible human behavior. (...) “Moving out of the city and into a quieter lifestyle helped significantly however to escape from the moneysucking death spiral.” American man, 32, who has attempted suicide
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ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Relationships can be a beautiful source of belonging and purpose.
Relationships are also where we can feel most exposed. Our research suggests when there is relationship conflict, abuse, breakdown, or loss, the pain can be immense. For other men, not having a partner and struggling to form relationships, can lead to a profound sense of loneliness and disconnection.
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STIGMA Social stigma and discrimination, can also be a source of pain for many men. Stigma can be linked to gender, race, disability, class, sexuality, or other aspects of identity. It can contribute to painful feelings of shame, isolation, and a sense of not belonging. Bias and stereotypes about men can also mean some men’s pain is suppressed, minimised or ignored.
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“To grow up an immigrant in Germany, always feeling inferior to the native people. As a child and teenager I felt like a parasite in the country, compensating for this guilt and shame by being extra nice and working harder then everybody else. Still I felt like I don’t belong anywhere” German man, 29, who has had thoughts of suicide
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“How this world lacks empathy and is full of bigotry and ableims etc. How I can’t work and can’t get disability so society thinks I should be dead.” Canadian man, 30, who has attempted suicide
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“For most of my life I have felt very lonely & suicidal. I have never been able to come to terms with being homosexual and now live quietly from day to day, waiting for a natural death to end this nightmare of an existance.” German man, 29, who has had thoughts of suicide
ACCESS TO HELP
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Many men carry painful experiences for years before they feel able to speak about them. Some men never do. Abuse, trauma, shame, or fear of not being believed can make opening up challenging. When support isn’t available - or doesn’t feel accessible - pain often has nowhere to go. It may be pushed down, numbed, or managed alone, sometimes through addiction or other harmful coping strategies.
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“It took me close to a decade to open up about being sexually abused by a partner (...) So many issues that men may bottle up and not be able to seek help for, which in turn leads towards addiction and/or suicide.” New Zealand man, 36, who has attempted suicide
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Suicide is one of the most complex human behaviours to understand. There is no single pathway, no one explanation that fits everyone. Each man’s pain is shaped by a unique mix of experiences - their biology, relationships, personal histories, the pressures they live under, and the world they move through.
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That’s why one-size-fits-all explanations so often fall short - because every man who is suicidal carries his own symphony of A more compassionate society begins when men’s pain is allowed to be heard, and met in its full complexity. Find out more: actiononmalesuicide.org/resources