Dimecks a Knock Out

Dimeck’s a Knock-Out in Newbattle Second half salvo leaves home side reeling. If this was a boxing contest (and with PSFC it usually is) it would have been stopped well before the final whistle. A second half barrage of blows sent Newbattle for an early bath as Primaries leathered the home side into submission in Midlothian. However, before anyone has a pop at the title, mention must be made to the two lightweights up front who huffed and puffed but, ultimately, spent the opening period on their arse waiting to be counted out. Gary “ButterBean” Sullivan (left) and Steven Jamieson (more Charles Hawtrey than Charles Atlas ­ Ed) would have struggled to knock the skin of a bowl of Ready Break ® during this pitiful showing, summed up by an all too predictable penalty miss that managed to float like a butterfly (4 foot over the bar) and sink like a toaley all at the same time. Thankfully, the referee took pity on the powder puff pair and blew up for Half Time with the tie, incredibly, goal­less. HT­ 0­0 The change of ends also brought about a change of official; more of that later. Primaries started the second half with renewed vigour (after some Rocky­esque hyperbole in the red corner) and immediately “set aboot” the home side like some snarling 22 legged Smeato wildly thrashing at a smouldering Land Rover. An incredible three goal combo had Newbattle blowing from the tugs and on the seat of their pants in a devastating 10 min spell. A drilled Petrie corner from the right found Dimeck charging in to land a bullet header into the net. Dimeck later claimed he lost consciousness (not as often as I have after each laboured re­telling – Ed) at the point of contact, yet if any brain damage was caused, it must have been “the good kind” because the stout midfielder suddenly launched into a Man of the Match winning performance with a further two goals. 1­0 Primaries Primaries and Dimeck’s second came just a minute later as a quick break away saw “Heavy Bag” bobbing and weaving (Aye. Basket Weaving! – Ed) into the box to slot coolly with his left and send Newbattle scurrying for the cold sponge. 2­0 Primaries Just as the home side were peeking through their fingers to see if it was safe to come out, an uppercut third from Jamieson provided the killer blow in what was rapidly becoming a hugely one sided contest. 3­0 Primaries New Goalkeeper, Martin “Fighting Freckles” McCann, had been marshalling the defence well with his unique brand of quiet cajoling and cooing reassurance. Indeed, the whole team seemed to be playing in unison, with the fullback tag­team of Wilson and Kay rolling with the punches (shouldn’t that be paunches? – Ed) and pocket