Issue 43 Volume 41
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Seattle Gay News
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SEATTLE’S LGBT NEWS & ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
Thousands march for marriage in Illinois Cancellation of ‘veto session’ leaves equality bill in limbo
Busloads of marriage equality supporters filled the grounds of the Illinois state capitol on October 22, two days before the legislature was to convene its so-called “veto session.” Police estimated the crowd at 3,000.
which would allow Gay and Lesbian couples to marry in Illinois, had promised they would reintroduce the bill during the veto session. It had previously passed the state Senate 32 to 24, but it was never brought to the floor in the House, where leaders said there were not enough votes to pass it.
dailynewsen.com
by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer
“The legislative branch, rather than the judicial, should be writing the fine points of this law. Make a firm declaration that same-sex marriage is in the best interest of the state and its residents because the law would strengthen families, protect the interests of children, and affirm personal freedom.” The legislature subsequently decided to cancel the planned October 24 session. A veto session is intended to allow legislators to override the governor’s vetoes, but other bills may also be brought up during the session. It was originally scheduled for October 24-27 and November 5-7. Sponsors of the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act,
‘THIS IS OUR TIME’ Illinois Gov. Pat Quinn strongly supports marriage equality, although he is a practicing Roman Catholic. “I believe everyone of faith should listen to their conscience, and I have in my case,” Quinn said. see illinois page 7
Thousands marched on the state capitol in Illinois.
November? Nation’s eyes on Seattle Sweet Hawaii could begin same-sex City’s mayoral race one of ‘10 to Watch,’ says Victory Fund
proudly endorses Ed Murray for Mayor of Seattle
Seattle’s mayoral race, pitting openly Gay challenger Ed Murray against incumbent Mayor Mike McGinn, is one of the Victory Fund’s “10 Races to Watch” for 2013. The Victory Fund, which helps LGBT candidates get elected to office, has endorsed Murray, currently a Washington state senator. “If elected, Murray would become the city’s first-ever openly Gay mayor,” the group notes on its website. Murray’s campaign was also buoyed by a new Strategies 360 poll released October 21, showing him leading the incumbent by 17 points, 51% to 34%. This is now the fourth poll in as many weeks showing Murray with more than half of likely voters, and ahead of McGinn by a seemingly insurmountable margin. Even more discouraging for McGinn are the favorable vs. unfavorable numbers. An impressive 60% of respondents had a favorable view of Murray, against only 12% with an unfavorable view of him. McGinn’s favorables are only 47%, compared with 42% un-
marriages next month
Associated Press
nate gowdy / seattle gay news
Seattle mayoral candidate Ed Murray
by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer
Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie announced a special session on Gay marriage for the state Legislature on September 9.
by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer
Gay and Lesbian couples could begin marrying in Hawaii on November 18 if a special session of the state’s legislature passes a new marriage law favored by Gov. Neil see mayor page 5 Abercrombie.
The special session is scheduled to begin October 28. A draft of the bill released on October 22 treats marriage as an equal rights issue, and changes sections of state law relating to marriage, marriage benefits, and see hawaii page 7
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Editor In Chief George Bakan Associate Editor Shaun Knittel Production William Creswell Calendar Editors Mike Andrew and Rick McKinnon Travel Editor George Bakan Advertising Manager Marty Weisbrod Advertising Department Maggie Bloodstone, Tym Brown, Tim Moffett Executive Assistant Mike Andrew Staff Writers Mike Andrew, Miryam Gordon, Anthony Greer, Shaun Knittel, Albert Rodriguez, James Whitely Contributing Writers
op-ed
Taking the stage
A little LGBT theater history lesson
Rev. Barbara Allen, Eric Andrews-Katz, Madelyn Arnold, Maggie Bloodstone, Beau Burriola, Jessica Davis, Ron Anders, Jessica Price, Milton W. Hamlin, Scott Wittet, Nevin Jefferson, Jason A. Miller, Liz Meyer, Rod Parke, Don Paulson, Scott Rice, Leslie Robinson, Richard Kennedy, Rex Wockner
Classifieds Mike Andrew and Rick McKinnon Photographers
Nate Gowdy, Joseph P. Herron, Shaun Knittel, James Whitely National Advertising Rep. Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 Website Designer Barry Thorsness/Digital Team Works Seattle Gay News is published weekly by Frogs and Ink, Inc. © 2013, Frogs and Ink, Inc., all rights reserved. Reprints by permission.
Publication of names, photographs or likenesses of any person, organization, event or business in this publication cannot be taken as any indication of the sexual orientation of the person, organization, event or business. Opinions expressed in bylined articles, columns, and letters are those of the authors only and do not necessarily reflect the views of the staff or management of this paper. Seattle Gay News welcomes unsolicited material, including letters to the editor, but reserves the right to edit or reject material. All rights revert to authors upon publication. We assume no liability for loss or damage of materials, solicited or not. We invite feedback, please write. And please play safe. It is our policy that no money shall be refunded if you choose to cancel your subscription or ad. However, credit towards any size ad will be given for the balance owed. No exceptions.
by Mark Segal Philadelphia Gay News
In Loving Memory Of
Let’s talk showbiz, and in honor of LGBT History Month, I’ll tell you a little secret. You might have guessed over the years that I’m a little theatrical with my Gay activism, but I bet you’d never guess that some of it was actually honed in New York theater. Here’s the history part: At New York Theater Ensemble in 1970, my friends Jeff Hochhauser and Rosemary Keating were writing what we believe was the first LGBT
Steve Foiles, Scott Roger Alpert, Cookie Andrews-Hunt, James Leland Moore, Randy Peters, Lee Richeson, Shaun Shelton, Jim Tully, James Arnold
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musical performed in the New York theater scene. And, luckily for me, they choose me as their stage manager. The show was called Graduation. It was a coming-of-age/coming-out story of a high-school student in turmoil. I don’t believe Jeff, Rosemary, or I ever realized how cutting-edge that musical was for its time. Working off-Broadway, or off-offBroadway, was an incredible creative and experimental way to hone your skills. At that same time, Harvey Fierstein was working at La MaMa Experimental Theatre Club and playwright John Guare was working his magic up the street at the Truck and Warehouse Theater with a show called House of Blue Leaves. His next show was Six Degrees of Separation. And across the street, Andy Warhol contemporary Jackie Curtis was performing one show whose name I’ve forgotten but where I went as stage manager after Graduation. It was an incredible time for experimentation. Even a drama about “homosexuals,” The Boys in the Band, made it to Broadway. Jeff and Rosemary created a book that cried from the heart, and Rosemary’s tunes ... let’s just say I’m still humming them to this day. Jeff was a member of Gay Youth, and I’d like to believe that his involvement gave him the strength to do something very brave: write a Gay musical. As strange as it sounds, it was almost a career-ender on the New York stage at that time to be openly Gay. Jeff was not only out, he was writing a show about the problems of Gay youth. He could not have been more than 18 when he began to write it. LASTING CHANGE Graduation is now almost forgotten. It’s a footnote to history, but it helped foster a change in attitude on the New York stage. That little show was the talk of the theater community at that time, and talk brews education. The truth is, people like Fierstein, Jeff, Rosemary, and even Mart Crowley (Boys) started the ball rolling on theater that made LGBT people real – not cartoon figures or invisible. Today, Jeff teaches musical theater history at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. Roe is retired in California. We still stay in touch, and I hope we can eventually do a revival of Graduation. Mark Segal, PGN publisher, is the nation’s most-award-winning commentator in LGBT media. He can be reached at mark@ epgn.com.
Celebrating 40 Years!
Local news
Bigger than Facebook? Seattle-based app is taking social discovery to the next level by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor A new mobile social discovery app, Anomo, available both for the iPhone and Android, is teaching people how to engage in fun, quality social interactions in an easy, safe, and real way. The Seattle-based app is backed by James Sun, the first Asian-American finalist on
ple meet those they need to, while making social interaction more efficient and entertaining. First impressions can now be based on quality digital social interactions rather than today’s superficial impressions. Users create an “anomo,” similar to an avatar, which allows them utmost privacy while first meeting someone digitally. They are then matched with four other users based on algorithms such as age, sex, loca-
Already, within the first two months, the number of opens per day for the Anomo app and on the web has surpassed Facebook’s opens, with 19.1 for Anomo versus 14.3 for Facebook. Donald Trump’s The Apprentice and CEO of the newly national digital loyalty and deals platform Pirq. Orca Bay Capital, Lee Zehrer of Kiss.com, and Amit Mital of Microsoft are also backing Anomo, demonstrating the potential for this new app and what it means for the future of how people meet and socialize. Already, within the first two months, the number of opens per day for the Anomo app and on the web has surpassed Facebook’s opens, with 19.1 for Anomo versus 14.3 for Facebook. Anomo is built on the understanding that who you meet drastically affects your life path. This new technology ensures that peo-
mayor
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tion, and similar interests. A series of “icebreaker” games allow users to determine their compatibility with four users at a time, as they simultaneously answer five questions per game. Each shake of the phone, revealing another four matches, initiates another game. As users chat and become more comfortable with their matches, they are allowed to reveal more about themselves, such as an actual photo, name, profession, and more. An “F” badge next to the username means their age, sex, and interests have all already been verified by Facebook. Once the users have both decided to meet, the chat feature allows for their first encounter, bringing this quality social interaction
from the digital sphere to real life. Built whether they be romantic, a friendship, or on genuine conversations, matches from for business networking. Anomo have been shown to break the ice More information about Anomo is availquickly but build interactive relationships, able at www.anomo.com.
85 out candidates for 2013, an all-time high for an odd-numbered year. “2013 isn’t an ‘off’ year. It’s definitely ‘on’ at the Victory Fund,” said Lucinda Guinn, the group’s political director. “We’re
working hard this year to help build up local heroes in places where equality is late in arriving. Places where these candidates can be the spark to help their own communities move toward equality.”
ENTHUSIASM GAP Murray also enjoys much stronger support from his backers. Thirty-one percent of respondents called themselves “strong” Murray supporters, as opposed to only 17% who were “strong” for McGinn. Both candidates got about the same number of “not strong” supporters and “leaners.” Murray also impresses likely voters as someone who addresses the issues they care about. More than twice as many respondents said Murray would show better “leadership on issues important to you.” They also picked Murray when asked specifically about who would do better on the economy and jobs, public safety and police issues, and maintaining and improving the city’s roads, tunnels, and bridges. Poll respondents said McGinn would do a better job on public transportation, bicycling and pedestrian issues, and on environmental and climate-change issues. Unfortunately for McGinn, only 27% of the sample said they use public transportation or ride a bike “daily or almost daily.” A KIRO 7 poll released October 20 also showed relatively similar results, although it was misleadingly pitched as a “closer than you think” poll. Among voters who say they will “definitely” vote, Murray enjoys a 12-point lead. Only when an additional sample of voters who say they will “probably” vote is counted does Murray’s margin of victory slip to four points.
REMEMBERING TOM FOLEY
I am deeply saddened to learn of the passing of Speaker of the House Tom Foley. Though I know he has found much-needed peace now, I miss him intensely, and my heart is with his family today. A giant of American politics, Tom was an urbane and erudite man who embodied the noble institution that is the United States House of Representatives. He was a deeply learned student of history, and he brought to his sage leadership of the House enormous tactical skill and profound understanding of our political system. The House of Representatives was a very different place in the age of Tom Foley, and it is a sad irony that the institution we know today has just emerged from one of its most ominous chapters. Tom believed in American politics, and he served this country with great distinction for more than three decades. A polished and very effective representative of Washington’s 5th Congressional District, Tom was a critical leader of the post-Watergate reforms that re-energized the House after that dark period. He became a splendid Majority Leader who eventually became one of the most respected Speakers in the history of NOT AN ‘OFF’ YEAR The Victory Fund has endorsed a total of the House of Representatives. Tom left the
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House in the Gingrich sweep of 1994, but he continued to serve the country masterfully as the very able Ambassador to Japan during one of that nation’s most difficult periods. Tom Foley was a dear personal friend, a mentor, and a great teacher. His passing takes a truly great man from our midst. He will never be replaced, but he will be long remembered with great admiration and deep love. U.S. Rep. Jim McDermott Seattle LET’S ALL BE THE BEE Thank you for your article from Mac Mc-
In addition to Murray, two other mayoral candidates are included in the “10 to Watch” list – Houston Mayor Annise Parker, and Miami Beach Mayor Michael Góngora. Both are running for their third term. Gregor with his “Be the BEE” safety tips [SGN, Oct. 18]. Happy to see it is an ongoing series. Some may remember Matthew Shepard, the 21-year-old young man who was beaten and murdered by two thugs and hung on a fence to die near Laramie, Wyoming. It has been 15 years since this horrible tragedy. Since then, we have seen many attacks on Gay people and those thought to be Gay although they were not. We cannot let go of the fact that many foreign and undeveloped countries carry out the same outrageous attacks. Your safety article should be printed and posted in all Gay bars or in organizations that assist our citizens, whether they are Gay, straight, young, or old. It could mean their lives. Lenny Larson Chicken Soup Brigade/ Lifelong AIDS Alliance Seattle
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Lambda Legal appeals HIV+ man’s conviction Iowa case illustrates multiple injustices of HIV criminalization laws Lambda Legal has appealed the conviction of Nick Rhoades, an HIV-positive Iowa man, to the Iowa Supreme Court. Rhoades was initially sentenced to 25 years in prison and required to register as a sex offender based on a one-time sexual encounter with another man, during which they used a condom. “We’re asking the Iowa Supreme Court
contacted police, who arrested Rhoades in September 2008 on charges of criminal transmission of HIV. On the advice of his counsel, Rhoades pleaded guilty. Despite the fact that a condom was used and Plendl turned out not to have contracted HIV, Rhoades received the maximum sentence: 25 years in prison and classification as the most serious type of sex offender.
“A person who uses a condom and engages in safe sex, as Nick did, does not have the intent required to support a conviction under Iowa’s law addressing exposure to HIV.” to review this case because the facts here don’t add up to a conviction,” said Scott Schoettes, director of Lambda Legal’s HIV Project. “The Court of Appeals’ decision was based on a misinterpretation of the plain language of the statute, and we look forward to presenting the case to the state’s Supreme Court. “A person who uses a condom and engages in safe sex, as Nick did, does not have the intent required to support a conviction under Iowa’s law addressing exposure to HIV,” Schoettes continued. In June 2008, Rhoades had a one-time sexual encounter with Adam Plendl, during which they used a condom. Several days later, Plendl was told by a friend that Rhoades might be HIV-positive. Plendl went to a hospital to be tested, and hospital officials
hawaii
continued from cover divorce. The bill also provides for same-day licensing and marriage ceremonies, so couples could be issued licenses and be married immediately afterward when the law takes effect on November 18. Abercrombie has been a vocal supporter of marriage equality, and after U.S. Supreme Court decisions striking DOMA and California’s Prop 8 in June, he suggested calling a legislative special session to pass a new marriage law. On August 19, a group of Hawaiian religious leaders also weighed in with a petition calling on the state to enact a same-sex marriage law. When state House and Senate leaders informed Abercrombie that they could not find the legally required two-thirds majority to call themselves into session, the governor acted on his own authority and convened the legislature. NO AMENDMENT NEEDED State Attorney General David Louie subsequently issued a legal opinion rejecting arguments by anti-equality forces that the state’s constitution would need to be amended to pass a same-sex marriage bill. Louie said Hawaii’s legislature unquestionably has the authority to pass a new marriage law. The bill is considered likely to pass. Speaker of the House Joseph Souki said on
CONVICTION UPHELD The court later reduced Rhoades’s sentence to time served (13 months) and placed him on supervised probation for five years. On March 15, 2010, Rhoades filed an Application for Post-Conviction Relief, arguing that his attorney had failed to inform him of the specifics of the statute, resulting in his conviction for a crime he did not commit. In December 2011, the district court denied the application, and Lambda Legal began representing Rhoades on appeal. Oral arguments were presented to the Iowa Court of Appeals in September 2013, and on October 2, a three-judge panel affirmed Rhoades’s conviction. Thirty-nine states have HIV-specific criminal statutes or have brought HIV-relatAugust 22 that a majority of House members support same-sex marriage, and he added that a new marriage bill would likely have majority support in the state Senate as well. On August 29, the State Central Committee of Hawaii’s Democratic Party unanimously approved a resolution calling for immediate passage of a same-sex marriage bill. Democrats control the state Senate by a 24-to-1 margin, and the House by 44 to 7. CHURCH OPPOSITION Because of the activities of 19th-century missionaries, the largest religious denominations in Hawaii are Roman Catholics and Mormons, however, and both churches oppose same-sex marriages. The Roman Catholic bishop of Honolulu has already written to legislators, asking them to oppose changes in the marriage law, and he has also ordered Catholics to pray “for a change of heart and the formation of an informed conscience” among the state’s lawmakers. Bishop Larry Silva added that prohibiting same-sex marriage is a “just” form of discrimination, and he warned that legalization of polygamy and incest would follow marriage equality. The anti-Gay Hawaii Family Advocates have teamed up with the Hawaii Catholic Conference to stage a rally at the state capitol on the opening day of the special legislative session to urge lawmakers to reject the bill.
Nick Rhoades
ed criminal charges resulting in more than 160 prosecutions in the United States in the past four years. Among other things, HIV criminalization perpetuates the many myths and misconceptions that fuel other types of discrimination against people living with HIV. It sends an inaccurate message regarding prevention responsibility, creates a disincentive to getting tested, and may actually discourage disclosure of HIV status.
More information on the case, Rhoades v. State of Iowa, is available online at www. lambdalegal.org/in-court/cases/rhoades-viowa. Lambda Legal is a national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of Lesbians, Gay men, Bisexuals, Transgender people, and those with HIV, through impact litigation, education, and public policy work. – Submitted by Lambda Legal
illinois
ens our communities, and puts us on the road promised by our forefathers to form a more perfect union,” he said.
“The time for marriage equality has come. This is our time. This is our moment.” The Chicago Tribune also called on the legislature to pass the bill. “Lawmakers, don’t wait for the courts,” the newspaper said in an editorial. “The legislative branch, rather than the judicial, should be writing the fine points of this law. Make a firm declaration that same-sex marriage is in the best interest of the state and its residents because the law would strengthen families, protect the interests of children, and affirm personal freedom.” However, the measure’s sponsors still lack the votes to pass it in the House, and prime sponsor Rep. Greg Harris has not yet indicated whether he will bring the bill forward for a vote. Some of the pro-equality demonstrators shouted, “Call the vote!” while Harris spoke to the crowd. Others said they were prepared to vote out legislators who got in the way – including Harris himself. Harris, an openly Gay lawmaker, said he was not concerned about potential backlash at the polls, because he is fighting for more than his personal political future. “People can have their opinions on tactics and strategies all they want, but at the end of the day the issue here is about moving Illinois into the column of states that treats all of its families with equal dignity, strength-
NO VOTE SCHEDULED Harris says he will not divulge how many lawmakers are prepared to vote for his marriage bill or to discuss the possible timing of a vote. But he said his colleagues “should realize that they are going to have a chance to be a part of history.” Illinois Unites for Marriage spokesperson Ed Yohnka also declined to offer a specific vote tally. “Everybody has a different number and I’ve heard lots of different speculation about different vote counts,” Yohnka said on October 21. “But I think we’re on a path where this is going to happen.” According to the Tribune, legislators who would likely vote for the bill are reluctant to do so before January 2014, when filing closes for the legislative primary in March. Rick Garcia, policy director of The Civil Rights Agenda, threatened that “there’s going to be Hell to pay” if the marriage bill does not pass.
continued from cover
PUBLIC BACKS EQUALITY A recent poll commissioned by Equality Illinois found that 52% of likely Illinois voters say they would support a law legalizing same-sex marriage, while 40% would oppose it. An anti-equality protest on October 23, organized by the Catholic bishop of Springfield, Thomas John Paprocki, drew a mere 300 people.
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Texas judge quits GOP over social issues by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer A Texas judge running for re-election in Bexar County, which includes San Antonio, has publicly split with the Republican Party over the GOP’s record on social issues. Judge Carlo Key said in a campaign video that he could no longer support a party that “demeans Texans based on their sexual orientation, the color of their skin, or their economic status.” “For too long, the Republican Party has been at war with itself,” he added. “Rational Republican beliefs have given way to ideological character assassination. Pragmatism and principle have been overtaken by pettiness and bigotry.” Justice can only be served, Key says in the video, “without prejudice towards race, color, creed, or whom you choose to love.”
Judge Carlo Key
REWARDING HATE SPEECH LGBT rights have become an issue in Bexar County because of the efforts of Republican San Antonio City Council member Elisa Chan to repeal the city’s ordinance protecting sexual orientation and gender identity. Chan, who is now running for the state Senate, was quoted using ugly terms to describe LGBT people, calling them “dis-
gusting” and “unfit to be parents.” Key said he could not be in a party that allows “hate speech to elevate someone to higher office rather than disqualifying them.” Key said he was also motivated to switch parties by the recent government shutdown. “I cannot place my name on the ballot of the political party that is proud to destroy the lives of hundreds of thousands of federal workers over the vain attempt to repeal a law that would provide health care for millions of people throughout our country,” he said. “As the smallest minds continue to make the loudest noise in the Republican Party, true leaders will be driven by their principles and values to become Texas Democrats.” SUPPORTS WENDY DAVIS Texas political reporters had been speculating for months that Key would jump ship after he was spotted at a fundraiser for Democratic gubernatorial candidate Wendy Davis. Texas Democratic Party Chair Gilberto Hinojosa accepted Key with open arms. “I’m proud to welcome Carlo today, because our party – the Texas Democratic Party – welcomes anyone ready to fight for a better future for all Texans,” he said.
by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer
Jason Pickel and Darren Black Bear became the first Gay couple to marry in Oklahoma when they were united on October 21 under Cheyenne and Arapaho tribal law. Pickel and Black Bear, residents of Oklahoma, wanted to marry for the past five years, and had been planning a trip to Iowa, the nearest state where same-sex marriages are legal. But the U.S. Supreme Court decision striking down DOMA gave Pickel an idea. He phoned the Cheyenne and Arapaho Tribal Courthouse and asked if tribal law permitted Gay couples to marry.
tulsa world
Oklahoma same-sex couple marries under tribal law ‘COME ON DOWN’ “I was really expecting a big No,” said Pickel. “I thought we were on our way to Iowa, but I called the tribe and they said, ‘Yeah, come on down. It’s 20 bucks.’” Pickel and Black Bear met the requirements specified by tribal law – both are of Native American descent and they live within the tribe’s jurisdiction. Nowhere does tribal law specify the gender of people who may marry. Same-sex marriages have been illegal under Oklahoma law since 2004, when voters passed a constitutional amendment defining marriage as applying only to opposite-sex couples. But the state’s 39 federally recog-
Jason Pickel (l) and Darren Black Bear
happiness is still incomplete. “When we have equality in all 50 states and all U.S. territories, that is when we’ll have true equality,” said Pickel. “That’s when I will be truly, truly happy.” A number of other Native American tribes that have approved same-sex marriage, including the Coquille Indian Tribe in Oregon (2009), the Suquamish Tribe in Washington state (2011), the Little Traverse Bay Bands of Odawa Indians in Michigan (2013), the Confederated Tribes of the Colville Reservation in Washington state (2013), the Pokagon Band of Potawatomi Indians in EQUALITY THEIR GOAL The couple say they plan to hold a public Michigan (2013), and the Iipay Nation of wedding celebration on Halloween, but their Santa Ysabel in California (2013). nized tribes are sovereign entities and are self-governing within their own jurisdictions. “I do know at the end of the day the state offices won’t recognize it, but they kind of have to,” said Pickel. Because their marriage is recognized under the jurisdiction of the federally recognized Cheyenne and Arapaho Tribe, Pickel and Black Bear are eligible for all the federal rights and benefits available to any married couple.
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Tennessee couples sue state for marriage recognition Shelley Mays / The Tennessean
Drs. Sophy Jesty and Valeria Tanco of Knoxville are part of a group that filed a lawsuit October 21, 2013, to force Tennessee to recognize same-sex marriages from other states.
law discriminates against them because of their sexual orientation. The lawsuit, brought by the National CenFour same-sex couples married in other ter for Lesbian Rights, was filed on October states have sued the state of Tennessee in 21. federal court, charging that Tennessee state All the plaintiffs in the suit were legally by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer
married in New York or California, but subsequently moved to Tennessee. Matthew Mansell and Johno Espejo live in Franklin; Valeria Tanco and Sophy Jesty live in Knoxville; Army Reserve Sgt. Ijpe DeKoe and Thomas Kostura are based in Memphis; and Kellie Miller and Vanessa DeVillez live in Greenbrier. In Tennessee, a statute passed in 1998 and a constitutional amendment passed by voters in 2006 prohibit marriage between partners of the same gender. EQUAL PROTECTION DENIED In their suit, the couples charge that state law strips them and other same-sex couples of their constitutional rights to due process, equal protection under the law, and the right to travel or relocate to another state without having their rights taken away. If they were opposite-sex couples married in New York or California, they say, the state of Tennessee would gladly recognize their marriages. “All of a sudden, they’re not married anymore,” their lawyer, Abby Rubenfeld, said. “This case is about recognizing those marriages – it’s a very simple issue.” The couples say Tennessee law has reallife consequences for them. Same-sex couples are taxed on jointly owned property if one spouse dies, whereas opposite-sex married couples can inherit such property taxfree. Same-sex couples also lack the right to make emergency medical decisions for each other. “Like other families, we want to have rights and obligations and protections under
the law,” Jesty told the Associated Press. BABY ON THE WAY Jesty moved to Tennessee with Tanco in 2011. Both work as professors of veterinary medicine at the University of Tennessee. “Val and I are pregnant,” Jesty added. “We’re expecting our baby girl in March, and honestly it’s frightening to me to consider if something goes wrong at the time of the delivery, because as it stands right now I don’t have a legal right to make decisions on Val’s behalf, decisions on our baby’s behalf.” Officials with the Tennessee Attorney General’s Office, which will defend the state against the lawsuit, said it was too early to comment on the case. “As we have noted before, the Supreme Court’s DOMA decision did not invalidate state laws regarding marriage,” the Attorney General’s spokesperson, Sharon CurtisFlair, said. Attorney Rubenfeld said the lawsuit is just the first step toward legalizing same-sex marriage in Tennessee. “It’s our position that, once we win this lawsuit, once there’s recognition of these marriages, the next step is going to be people can go out and get married in Tennessee,” she said. “That’s what we’re aiming for. That’s what’s going to happen.” OPPONENTS: JUST MOVE Foes of marriage equality say there is a very simple solution to the couples’ problem: Get out of Tennessee. “California and New York had the right to define marriage as how their people saw fit, and so should the state of Tennessee,” said David Fowler, a former state senator and current president of the anti-Gay Family Action Council of Tennessee. “The whole principle of federalism is that if one state has laws that are different than that of another state, then you are free to vote with your feet.”
It’s time to winterize
Stay safe on the road by weatherproofing your car by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor It might not be that cold now, but soon it will be and when that time comes, you’re going to wish you had prepared your car to conquer the cold. Here’s how: • Replace your everyday tires with winter tires – if you can see your breath, it’s time to switch. Even though there isn’t snow on the ground yet, temperatures lower than 45 degrees Fahrenheit cause ordinary tires to stiffen and lose traction. The newest winter tires remain flexible in freezing temperatures, improving traction and available grip.
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• Don’t forget the filters – oil, fuel, transmission, and air filters are important to keep your engine running well. Check your owner’s manual to see how often they should be changed. • Check your tire pressure. For every 10 degrees the temperature drops, your tires can lose about one pound per square inch (PSI) of pressure. Monitor tire pressure more closely during the winter. • Keep your car washed and waxed. This will protect your vehicle from the elements as the seasons change. For more information on how to conquer the cold, visit www.ConquerTheCold.com.
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proudly endorses Ed Murray for Mayor of Seattle 14 Seattle Gay News
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October 25, 2013
Celebrating 40 Years!
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October 25, 2013
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C.C. ATTLE’S – “HALLOWEEN 2013” C.C. Attle’s (1701 E. Olive Way at Boylston Ave. E.) goes all out decorating the bar for Halloween. Drop by for a cold one and inexpensive and delicious bar food, enjoy the camaradie and soak up the fantastic Halloween atmosphere. No cover. www. ccattles.net.
compiled by Rick McKinnon SGN Staff Writer
MADISON PUB – “HAPPY HALLOWEEN” On Saturday, October 26, at Madison Pub (1315 E. Madison St.) enjoy tricks and treats. On Thursday, October 31, enjoy
a costume contest with cash prizes: $300, at Sea-Tac a living wage of $15 an hour and $200, and $100 with judging results at 10 other benefits such as paid sick leave. p.m. No cover. www.madisonpub.com. On Monday, October 28, from 7:309 p.m., at Town Hall (8th Ave. & Seneca JULIA’S ON BROADWAY – St.), the Reclaiming Prosperity speaker “ROCKY HORROR series invites you to learn how other comHALLOWEEN PARTY & SHOW” munities have thrived with living wages in On Saturday, October 26, at 9 p.m., Ju- a discussion with California Assemblyman lia’s on Broadway (300 Broadway E.) hosts Tom Ammiano, who advocated for a living a “Rocky Horror Halloween Party & Cos- wage at San Francisco International Airport tume Contest” with $1,000 Grand Prize as a San Francisco Supervisor and later for package. Hosted by Kristie Champagne, a citywide ordinance; Bob Brownstein, Diwith special guest DJ, DJ Skiddle, and per- rector of Policy and Research at Working formances by D-Factor Finalists in a Rocky Partnerships USA, who was instrumental Horror Tribute. Tickets for the party and in developing San Jose’s Living Wage ordishow are $10 and can be purchased at www. nance; and Peter Hall, Associate Professor brownpapertickets.com/event/489702. For of Urban Studies at Simon Fraser Univerdinner reservations before the party and sity in Vancouver and an expert on costs and show, call 206-334-0513. www.juliasres- benefits of local living and minumum wage taurantseattle.com policies and employment in port cities. Reclaiming Prosperity is a Town Hall proTHE CUFF COMPLEX – duced speaker series focused on transform“ARACHNOPHOBIA” ing our economy and building a prosperous On Saturday, October 26, The Cuff future for working people and their families. Complex (1533 13th Ave.) celebrates HalTickets are $5 at www.townhallseattle. loween 2013 with “Arachnophobia,” fea- org, 888-377-4510 and at the door beginturing DJ James Anthony (NYC) with Mid- ning at 6:30 p.m. night Costume Contest with big money cash prizes: $1000, $500, and $250. $10 cover. GSBA – www.cuffcomplex.com SEATTLE LGBT VISITORS CENTER OPEN HOUSE PURR PRESENTS On Tuesday, October 29, from 5:30-7:30 “BEST LITTLE CATHOUSE p.m., at 1st Security Bank (614 Broadway IN TEXAS” E.) from 5:30-7:30 p.m., the Greater SeOn Saturday, October 26, Purr (1518 attle Business Association (GSBA) is host11th Ave.) presents “Best Little Cathouse in ing a free, public open house for the Seattle Texas” – a night filled with sexy cowboys LGBT Visitors Center. See what Seattle has and call girls! Costume contest entries begin to offer for the tourists. Maybe you’ll even at 9 p.m. (all costumes welcome). Judging learn something new yourself! Food and begins at midnight. A Halloween party not beverages generously provided by Hook be to missed! www.purrseattle.com. & Plow, Ray’s Boathouse and 1st Security Bank. Please RSVP to office@thegsba.org. METROPOLITAN OPERA – www.thegsba.org NORTHWEST REGIONAL AUDITIONS SEATTLE GAY & LESBIAN On Sunday, October 27, at 10 a.m., at BOOK CLUB – Benaroya Hall, Illsley Ball Nordstrom ReROUGH MUSIC cital Hall (3rd Ave. & Union St.), the best The Seattle Gay & Lesbian Book Club cultural bargain in town comes again to Se- meets every Wednesday from 6-7:15 p.m., attle as it has since 1955 – the Metropolitan at Seattle Area Support Groups Community Opera National Council district auditions Center (303 17th Ave. E. at E. Thomas St.). for Western Washington and Alaska. See In October, the club will discuss Rough and hear live on stage the opera stars of the Music by British author Patrick Gale. (Nofuture and the cream of the arias. Tickets: vember will be The Two Hotel Francforts, a $15-general, $10-student/senior. Cash or new novel by David Leavitt.) check only. Audience members can come All GLBTQ folks are welcome to parand go between each singer’s short set. 425- ticipate in this FREE book club. For more 678-8774; www.metoperanw.com. information, visit http://faculty.washington. edu/swittet/SGLBookClub/. FRIENDS OF THE CONSERVATORY PUMPKIN CARVING CONTEST SISTERS OF PERPETUAL & “HAUNTED CONSERVATORY” INDULGENCE, HALLOWEEN NIGHT THE ABBEY OF ST. JOAN – OPEN HOUSE “THE SISTERS’ NIGHTMARE” On Monday, October 28, from 7 a.m.On Thursday, October 31, door at 8 6 p.m., the Volunteer Park Conservatory p.m., costume contest prizes awarded at (14th Ave. E. & E. Galer St.) welcomes your midnight, at R Place (619 E. Pine St.), join best carved pumpkins for their Halloween the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the AbPumpkin Carving Contest. Drop off your bey of St. Joan for The Sisters’ Nightmare, carved pumpkin with your name and phone featuring a costume contest, drink specials, number or email address on a piece of paper and spooky fun. $1000, $500 & $250 cash inside so they can contact you if you win a prizes for best costumes. $10 door dona1st, 2nd or 3rd place award. tion to benefit the Sisters’ Community Grant The cream of the crop will be selected Fund. More info at www.theabbey.org. by the Conservatory staff and will be displayed in the Conservatory for the HauntGAY CITY AND ed Conservatory Halloween Open House SEATTLE MEN’S CHORUS & on Thursday, October 31, from 5-8 p.m. SEATTLE WOMEN’S CHORUS – FREE admission. Those not selected for “30TH ANNIVERSARY BUMP!” display will be placed in the Spooky PumpOn Thursday, October 31, from 9 p.m.kin Graveyard outside. Please do not in- late at Neighbours (1509 Broadway), join clude candles or lights, they will take care of Gay City, Seattle Men’s Chorus and Seattle that. All materials submitted become prop- Women’s Chorus and host Ben Delacreme erty of the Conservatory. Sorry, they cannot with special guest Alyssa Edwards and DJs return pumpkins or decorations. www.vol- Jake Shears (from Scissor Sisters) and DJ unteerparkconservatory.org. Sammy JO (NYC) with Nark & Trouble for the 30th Anniversary of Bump!, the NorthRECLAIMING PROSPERITY – west’s Hottest Halloween Party. Tickets: “LIVING WAGE ORDINANCES: $30 general admission; $65 VIP. THE IMPACTS OF HIGHER WAGES Information and tickets at www.gaycity. AND LABOR STANDARDS org/bump. ON LOCAL ECONOMIES” San Francisco, L.A. and San Jose have all SECULAR HUMANISTIC passed living wage ordinances for workers JEWISH COMMUNITY at airports, and beyond, and have lived to SHABBAT RITUAL tell the tale. On a local ballot this Novem& POTLUCK DINNER ber, the Sea-Tac Good Jobs Initiative would WITH GUEST SPEAKER give hospitality and transportation workers THE HON. ANNE LEVINSON
16 Seattle Gay News
October 25, 2013
SEATTLE WOMEN’S CHORUS – “HALLOWS IN THE CATHEDRAL” On Friday, October 25 at 8 p.m. and Saturday. October 26, at 2 p.m. & 8 p.m., Seattle Women’s Chorus returns to St. Mark’s Cathedral (1245 10th Ave. E.) for a spine-tingling concert featuring creepy classics and modern day monster mashes. Envelop yourself in the spooky atmosphere and enjoy this Hallowrific treat perfect for the entire family. Tickets: $48, $38 & $28. 206-388-1400; www.flyinghouse.org. OUTWEST BAR – “HALLOWEEN 2013” On Friday, October 25, at 9 p.m., at Outwest Bar (5401 California Ave. SW) enjoy VJ Andy’s Video Mix at 9 p.m. and Costume Contest Judging at 11 p.m. On Saturday, October 26, enjoy Bobbing for Apples and Costume Contest with Luscious Lindsay at 9 p.m. www.outwestbar.com LANGSTON HUGHES PERFORMING ARTS INSTITUTE – “HELLO DARLINS” THRU OCTOBER 26 “Hello Darlins” honors comedian Jackie “Moms” Mabley. Billed as “The Funniest Woman in the World” Mabley was a pioneer in her field and a black woman who pushed the boundaries of taste, politics, and race. Performance dates: Thursdays-Sundays thru October 26, at 7 p.m., with Saturday/ Sunday matinees at 2 p.m., at Langston Hughes Performing Art Institute (104 17th Ave. S.). Tickets: $20/$15-general; $10-student/senior. www.brownpapertickets.com/ event/431678. THEATRE 22 – “5TH OF JULY” THRU OCTOBER 26 On Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays thru October 26, at 8 p.m. at West of Lenin (203 N 34th St.), Theatre 22 launches their inaugural season with openly-Gay playwright Lanford Wilson’s celebrated play, “5th of July.” Tickets: $20-general; $12-student/military/senior (62+). www.brownpapertickets. com/event/395944; www.theatre22.org RADICAL WOMEN BENEFIT – “HALLOWEEN HAUNTING FOR WITCHES AND HELLRAISERS” On Saturday, October 26, at 7:30 p.m., at 1903 NE 82nd St., join Radical Women for a festive benefit party for feminists and other seditious souls with $7 scream-worthy snack plates. For more info or rides, call 206-722-6057; www.radicalwomen.org. LAMBERT HOUSE – HALLOWEEN DANCE FOR YOUTH, AGES 14-22 On Saturday, October 26, from 8 p.m.12 midnight, at All Pilgrims Church (500 Broadway E.), all LGBTQ youth and allies, ages 14-22, are invited to the Lambert House Halloween Dance with DJs, dancing, refreshments and a costume contest with prizes! Suggested donation: $5-$15. No drugs, no alcohol, and no hate. Lambert House is a center of LGBTQ youth that empowers youth through the development of leadership, social and life skills. Lambert House is a safe place for Queer youth ages 22 and under that sponsors fun activities, support groups, planning meetings, dances, and other events. www. lamberthouse.org.
On Friday, November 1, from 6:30-9:30 p.m., in the Wallingford neighborhood (call or email for location), join Seattle’s only Secular Humanistic Jewish Community for a Shabbat Gathering featuring the Honorable Anne Levinson on the topic of Jewish roots and Social Engagement. Judge Levinson will speak about how her Jewish heritage is reflected in her working to save the Seattle Storm women’s basketball team, working on the Referendum 74 campaign, and many other experiences working on issues related to social justice and social welfare. Judge Levinson currently serves as an independent advisor to the City of Seattle with regard to police accountability. She has previously been a Seattle Municipal Court Judge, where she founded and then presided over one of the nation’s first mental health courts, designed to divert mentally ill individuals out of the criminal justice system and instead connect them with treatment and services. She is also among Washington state’s first out public officials. Non-member suggested donation: $10. For more information and location, call 206-528-1944 or email info@secularjewishcircle.org. GEEKS OUT PRESENTS “THE GAMERS: HANDS OF FATE!” – AN ALTERNATIVE TO “ENDER’S GAME” On Friday, November 1, from 7-8 p.m., at Gay City’s Calamus Auditorium (517 E. Pike St.), Seattle Geeks OUT presents a screening of “The Gamers: Hands of Fate!,” a fantasy comedy by local production company Zombie Orpheus Entertainment and a sequel to “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising.” For more information, visit http://watchthegamers.com/. There may also be some special surprises in store. This event is being organized in opposition to Orson Scott Card, the virulently homophobic writer and producer of the film “Ender’s Game,” which is opening this same evening. For details about this alternative event protest, visit www.skipendersgame.com, where you can also sign a petition pledging not to see “Ender’s Game.” Several cities around the country are hosting similar such events, all hosted by Geeks OUT. Suggested donation for this evening’s “The Gamers: Hands of Fate!” event is $10 and all proceeds will go to Gay City Health Project. www.gaycity.org. GREEN SEATTLE DAY On Saturday, November 2, from 10 a.m.-2 p.m., join your neighbors around Seattle for the 8th Annual Green Seattle Day at the West Duwamish Greenbelt and 16 local forested parks across the city. For details, visit www.greenseattle.org. ENTRE HERMANOS – DIA DE LOS MUERTOS/ DAY OF THE DEAD GALA CELEBRATION On Saturday, November 2, at 6 p.m., at the Northwest African American Museum (2300 S. Massachusetts St.) join Entre Hermanos for their annual gala event, which this year coincides with the traditional holiday Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Featuring a special performance by Miss Gay Seattle 2013 Isabella De La Rosa, this event will feature food and entertainment, a chance to hear about Entre Hermanos’ recent work, and an opportunity to support the work Entre Hermanos does in the Latino LGBTQ community. Upon arrival, guest will have a chance to mix and mingle, with a cash bar available. Then enjoy a beautiful catered Mexican buffet dinner, so please come hungry! The family-friendly entertainment will include traditional Mexican music, and also performances from some of the community’s amazing drag queens. Tickets: $75 are available at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/477544. Entre Hermanos promotes the health and well-being of the Latino LGBTQ community through education, outreach, advocacy and referrals. www.entrehermanos.org
Celebrating 40 Years!
international news Russian LGBT teachers sacked for their sexuality Nationwide homophobic repression spreads to the workplace reuters
had phoned the Magnitogorsk Department of Education and informed them that they had a Lesbian working for them. And afterwards they had continued to ring all summer to find out whether or not I had been fired. In August, I was summoned to the Education Department. I wrote a statement explaining that I conducted my lessons in accordance with the curriculum and that I didn’t refer to my views on LGBT issues in front of the children. The head-teacher’s attitude then changed. She said she did not want to fire me, but told me that if I wanted to work as a teacher, I must cease putting on my Vkontakte page any comments about the rights of LGBT people or about politics in general; otherwise I would have to change my profession. I hold libertarian views and believe that we need liberal reforms, and I have never concealed the fact. Suddenly I was being told that I must not write anything “oppositional”! They said, “You teach history, yet you wrote bad things about our head of state and the Kremlin,” when all I had actually done was to share postings.
I do not think that the head-teacher actually uses Vkontakte. When she called me in she showed me a printout of my page and asked, “Did you do that? Did you write that?” Somebody must have been constantly monitoring my website and reporting to the head-teacher. Spying. Vasilyevna said, “Since there’s nothing for you to do, go and help the caretaker.” And she sent me off to clean up the school site and wash the basement and so on. I didn’t mind; I worked as a cleaner for a while. A few days later the head-teacher came along and said that a prosecutor was after me. On 18 August, “Parents of Russia” had sent in a written complaint about me. There were two issues: On what grounds had I been offered a job at the school (I was still doing a correspondence course), and on what grounds had the school withheld my sexuality from the parents. This strikes me as ludicrous, since teachers have the right not to give even their phone numbers to parents! The complaint was not signed by “Parents of Russia” but by some parent from Magnitogorsk. Her son – who has no connection with my school – had allegedly visited my page, had been subjected to propaganda, and had begun to ask his mother about same-sex marriage. He had supposedly found my page by accident. When the prosecutor arrived the headteacher gathered all the teachers together and arranged a sort of public telling-off. “Olga,” she said, “has acted carelessly. A see teachers page 20
London protest against Russia’s anti-Gay policies
While Russian leaders try to make the world believe that no one is persecuted or discriminated against in Russia for their sexual orientation, more evidence to the contrary is appearing. After three months of homophobic harassment involving the authorities and law-enforcement agencies, Olga Bakhayeva, a schoolteacher from Magnitogorsk, was forced to leave her job. Alexander Yermoshkin, a teacher from Khabarovsk, has now suffered the same fate. Below is an interview by journalist Yelena Racheva with these two teachers, published in the Russian online magazine Colta.ru (translated from Russian). OLGA BAKHAYEVA Olga Bakhayeva is 24 years old and taught history and social studies at School No. 56, in Magnitogorsk. It all started with the VKontakte community [a Russian social network similar to Facebook]. In May the “Straight Alliance for LGBT Equality” posted an item about the persecution of an LGBT teacher, and I left a comment that I was LGBT as well and that I worked in a school. That was the beginning! After a couple of hours, I received a message on VKontakte from a user named Valkiria Repina [according to the “Alliance of Heterosexuals,” the pseudonym of a man involved in attacks on LGBT demonstrations in St. Petersburg]. Repina told me to resign at once – otherwise they would “ruin my life.” In the “Parents of Russia” community [an aggressively anti-Gay movement], which is administered by this Valkiria, a post about me appeared, with my private photos and some unpleasant details. Then came more
messages: “Why no answer? Tell us your decision. If you resign we shan’t distribute that information.” I didn’t answer. I mean, I realized that this story wouldn’t die of its own accord. However, the demands were fascist. I was happy in my job and wasn’t going to change it. A week later, the story was leaked to the media. I was rung by a journalist from Moskovskii Komsomolets. He had rung my school beforehand, saying that he was looking for me, and got my phone number from one of the deputy heads. I told him that I was not a Lesbian, that I was Bisexual, and that I supported the LGBT movement and had never viewed that as a crime. My social networks contained no indecent photographs or information that could have been regarded as immoral, and there had never been any trouble with parents of my pupils. Naturally, I have never told strangers about my orientation. I realize that a school is a special place, and in any case I would never have wanted to talk about such things there – that’s my private life. The article was reprinted in other media, and there was a story on local TV. … The head-teacher, Lyudmila Vasilyevna, called me in. I did not get any homophobia from her. She said: “I am not going to discuss your views; you can think whatever you like, but we need to somehow get out of this pickle.” She had no intention of dismissing me, but she wanted the whole story to just die very quietly. But I had already realized that nothing was going to happen “very quietly”! These people are fanatics whose aim is to destroy other people’s lives. In August, I went back after the holidays and was again called in by Vasilyevna. She told me that someone from St. Petersburg
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October 25, 2013
Seattle Gay News 17
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Kiki with D Wedding bell blues by D Smith SGN Contributing Writer Dear D, My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years, living together for five years, and just recently bought a home. Sounds like all great things, right? Except that anytime I bring up an engagement, he freaks out. We have openly talked about wanting to get married and have a family, and it is definitely something we both want. With the current legislature it is now finally possible. Recently, if I bring it up (which honestly is NOT very often), I get responses like, “The more you ask about it, the longer it will be put off” or he’ll make excuses, like, “I need to make more money first,” “We just got a house,” or “I want to pay off my credit card” – ANY reason why we can’t get married. He keeps acting like he is waiting for the perfect moment (seemingly financial) and then he will do it, but he doesn’t understand that it is NEVER going to be the perfect time and the bills will always be there. Worst of all, he dangles it like a carrot in front of my face a lot by hinting at my ring size, mentioning that he has priced out some options, and talking about having babies. When I show intrigue or ask questions, he backs off again. It is getting to the point that everywhere we go people ask us why we aren’t married or engaged. We have been together longer than all of our friends who are married with children. I am getting impatient, but I would never give him an ultimatum or leave. What should I do? Why is he so hesitant when we are already very committed to one another?? I am not getting any younger here! – Ready to Tie the Knot
can let him know that you understand that this was a big move. It was so big that you want to make sure that you’re both on board for the next step and that you’ve talked it through before it happens. I really feel that your issue isn’t about the proposal – it’s about communication. You want to know what’s happening instead of waiting for him to make decisions for both of you. Let him know that after six years, he has to
inappropriate. The last few messages she sent he did not respond to. I’d like to think he stopped talking to her because he knew it was wrong, but I don’t know what really happened. I’m struggling to decide if I should confront him or let it slide. I really want to bring it up to him because I’m upset and I think it will affect my mood toward him if I hold it in. I know there’s a big possibility that it will blow up in my face, since I broke his trust by snooping through his phone. It’s been almost three months since he’s texted her and we seem to be getting more serious (meeting family and friends). I don’t want to ruin what could be a good relationship, but I don’t know if it’s already ruined by what he did. – Untrusting Dear Untrusting, You have to tell him what you did and then talk this out. Because you’re still snooping,
treat you like the coright? I’m guesspilot, because that’s what ing that you know that it’s you are. been three months since he contactHope this helps. Remember to be true to ed this other woman because you continue you, love yourself, and encourage yourself to check his phone. Time for you to get it and others. – D together and take responsibility – or are you just going to read his texts forever? When Dear D, does it stop? My boyfriend and I have been dating It sounds like you guys committed way about six months. I haven’t been in a re- too quickly. You decided to be a couple lationship in a while, and I’ve been really when you were still just getting to know happy to be with someone again. However, each other. You skipped, like, eight steps,
If he feels overwhelmed by your Dear Ready, I believe that you’re confident that he’s in questions, he should say so instead for the long haul. This is about how you’re being treated as you wait for a proposal. of firing back with comments that You need to have a talk about the weird dangling of the carrot. You’re not a child, so put you off or humiliate you. you shouldn’t be punished like one. When he says, “The more you ask, the longer you’ll have to wait,” is he kidding? Or is he really treating you like a teenager who broke curfew? You need to explain that this is not cute to you, and that you want to be a part of the decision-making process for your future. Let him know that if you both develop the grand plan, it’ll be less stressful for him. He shouldn’t be the only accountable party. And no matter what, he should treat you with respect. If he feels overwhelmed by your questions, he should say so instead of firing back with comments that put you off or humiliate you. I do have some empathy for the guy, of course. Buying a house is a big deal and he might need to sit with that change for a bit before contemplating the next one. You
I have a bit of a trust problem due to situations with my past boyfriends. With this current relationship, I’ve always been a little leery from the start because he does like to go out and drink a lot, and I worry he’ll cheat. I recently was feeling insecure and decided to look at his phone. I found text messages back and forth with a girl that lasted about a month and a half. I was already his girlfriend for two months at this point, so I don’t think he was trying to casually date. It’s unclear if he actually cheated, but some of the text messages bothered me. He told her that he wanted to take her out and she invited him to a few events that he couldn’t go to because he had plans. She also sent a few pictures that were a little
18 Seattle Gay News
October 25, 2013
and now it’s all catching up to you. This can cause a lot of problems. You put the buggy before the horse. I don’t know whether the relationship is ruined, but you’ll find out by coming clean. Tell him what you did and what you fear. Find out how he deals with conflict and whether he can put this behind the both of you and move forward, or decide to end it. At the very least you’ll put your mind at ease. I have to be honest – I do not love this situation. The lies, the drinking, the texts, you going through his phone ... it’s a series of red flags. But it’s worth a discussion. You’ll either leave the talk feeling confident ... or not, and then you’ll know what to do. It’s
obvious the current path is not a healthy one and needs correction, if you are going to have anything positive and productive. You can grow from this. You will feel better laying all the cards out on the table. Hope this helps. Remember to be true to you, love yourself, and encourage yourself and others. – D Dear D, I’ve been in a serious relationship for two and a half years. This past January we had the conversation about our future and where we saw this relationship going. He told me that he has issues with his ex (financial, they were living together) that he has not resolved. The ex’s name is still on all his assets (house) and although they now live separately, they have some issues that they need to resolve with lawyers. He is afraid to just pay $$ and break ties as it would jeopardize all the money he has put into the house. I told him that there is no way we can start working on our future until these issues are resolved. I was both upset and angry that not only did he not tell me this when we first started dating (taking away my choice in the matter), but it took so much pushing and probing about our future to find out about it. Aside from this, when I look at our relationship, it was great. We never fought or disagreed, and we were each other’s best friends. My problem is that we work in the same building, so although we are now broken up, we still manage to bump into each other in common areas and start talking. We chit-chat and say hello when we see each other, and this sets me back in the moving-on process. When we had the discussion about breaking up, I was crystal clear that we were DONE, and that if we saw each other, we could be civil but other than that, no text messages, phone calls, or any casual correspondence. However, it always seems to start small and then we reach a point of daily correspondence, and a text message here and there that leads to phone calls. I was clear that any relationship between us would have to be him coming to the table prepared to discuss taking our relationship to the next level, and only if his financial issues with his ex were resolved. In past relationships when things have ended, I have been able to bounce back much quicker and move on with my life. This relationship has really hit me and broken my heart. I just feel this intense pain and when I see him, I genuinely want to completely ignore him and not stand around for 10 minutes providing a mundane update of my life, but I feel obligated to have a conversation. Do I just walk away? Do I just ignore him? How do I get back to focusing on me? – Broken Heart Trying to Heal Dear Broken Heart, You can ignore him. Unless there’s a professional reason to talk to him during the day, you can pretend he’s invisible. If you need space after a breakup, even in the workplace, you’re allowed to take it. It seems to me, though, that you need a better understanding of this breakup – at least in your head – before you can move on. Resolve any unresolved issues. You told him that you couldn’t be with him until his financial issues with his ex are resolved,
CLUTCH THEATRE - REAL THEATRE, BIG CHANGE - COMING 2014
Celebrating 40 Years!
but does that mean he can show up again as soon as he figures it out? What if he buys her out in six months or a year? Will you still be open to taking him back? You never told us whether he said he saw a future with you, and whether the house was all that stood in his way. If his connections to his ex were no longer an issue, would he want you around for the long haul? If you never got an answer, that’s something to consider. It sounds like he’s using that house to maintain the status quo, and that’s just not good enough for you. I would tell him (e-mail is fine) that you must stop all forms of communication. Tell him that when you asked about a future together, he talked about the house, and instead of working with you to come up with a solution, he let you go. That was his choice, right? If he’s willing to let you walk, there’s no need to talk. He could have asked, “How can we make this work?” Instead he did nothing. (Right?) You’re allowed to remain silent. It’s called self-preservation. Time to search your soul to ensure this is the end. If so, stand strong in your decision. Hope this helps. Remember, be true to you, love yourself, and encourage yourself and others. – D Dear D, Nine years ago I met my best friend. At the time he was hoping to start a relationship. He was not quiet about wanting that. I was young and had just ended a wonderful three-year relationship that had become
awful at the end. I was not interested in starting something new. After years of being friends, he asked me why we couldn’t be together, especially because I knew how he felt about me. I asked him why people couldn’t be just friends anymore. After some time he told me he would always be in love with me, but would accept being platonic. He moved back to his home state after a while, but we have remained friends. He visited me over the years and we have always been great. Recently, we realized that it had been a few years since we had seen each other, so he flew me out to visit him. I guess that during these years I realized I love him. I really do. During the trip, I thought he was sleeping and I am not even sure why I whispered it, but when I was headed out of the living room, I told him I loved him. His head shot straight up. He was more shocked than I was. He couldn’t understand why I waited so long. Even longer story short, he told me he was not sure what to say, that he still loved me but doesn’t know if I waited too long. He asked for time to think about it. We left it alone for a few days and behaved like friends. He eventually told me that he will not move back and said that I have to figure out what I want. I told him I wanted to be with him but did not know how yet. I asked what he thought, and now he wants more time to think.
Did I make the biggest mistake possible? you to him for that last visit; ask him if you – Long Time Waiting for Love can fly him to you for a weekend to reciprocate, to see how it feels. If you’re cashDear Waiting, strapped, all of this will be up to him. I don’t believe that you’re in love with But please, if he does agree to spend some this guy. I believe that you care about him money to give this a chance, don’t overa lot, but you spent years rejecting him and sell your intentions. Your feelings for him you’ve been content to live without him. It’s have evolved, but that’s all you know. You possible that your priorities have changed can’t say, “It’s always been you!” because it and that he’s now what you’re looking for hasn’t. All you want is some time to explore in a long-term partner, but you have no idea and clarify. Maybe he’ll be more willing to what it’s like to see him every day for long consider this if you take the big promises stretches of time. off the table. He has waited this long, and I Don’t get me wrong – it’s OK to say, “I am quite sure he will not mind taking a little have feelings for this person but I don’t more time to see how compatible the two of know what they mean.” You don’t have to you really are. Remember, you never really jump to love and commitment. Taking that know a person until you live with them. step is very serious and requires you to Talking on the phone and a few visits here weigh all the options and make some pow- and there do not a love make, but it is a good erful decisions. Are you ready to do that? start. The only thing you can do (if he’s willing) Hope this helps. Remember, be true to is to see him more frequently and figure out you, love yourself, and encourage yourself if there’s any potential. Of course, he flew and others. – D
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Seattle Gay News 19
teachers
continued from page 17 school is a small state; one has to behave carefully.” The general gist was that people should stay quiet and not step out of line. Everybody was silent. All the teachers listened, and no one spoke up for me. They were all afraid. Ours is a small town; there is not much employment. … The head-teacher repeated her idea that I should change my profession. So I wrote a letter of resignation. You see, I cannot sit around idly and be fearful as a mouse. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror without disgust if I caved in. I had stopped writing about LGBT issues on my page – I only wrote about politics. It turned out I wasn’t allowed to write about politics either. Kittens yes, politics no. I shall not work in a school again. The whole situation is extremely unpleasant, and I do not want any repetition of it. Oh well, I’ll do something else, I don’t know what, but life is long; let’s wait and see. Another thing is, I shall have to move, as I can’t find a decent job in Magnitogorsk. Valkiria says she will continue to write to
the senior prosecutor in Chelyabinsk – allegedly two pupils of mine have been found who are willing to write a complaint that I had engaged in the promotion of homosexuality in the classroom. I left – that’s all there is to it! But that wasn’t enough for them. In their groups, they are still writing about me abusively; they have pretended to be journalists so as to try to find out my address and phone number. They are spreading the lie that I was dismissed without the right to work with children; that I’m a pervert. That means I’m some kind of a repeat-offender, having committed some earlier crime. It was unpleasant; I won’t deny it. Life as an LGBT in Russia is unpleasant. ALEXANDER YERMOSHKIN Alexander Yermoshkin is 38, and teaches geography at School No. 32, in Khabarovsk. I have been teaching for 18 years, 10 of them at this school. I can’t say I either hid or displayed the fact that I was Gay. I came out by being an activist. Four years ago I started organizing a flash-mob called “Rainbow Over the [River] Amur,” taking part in LGBT events, even organizing a “Week Against Homophobia,” and I was interviewed a couple of times. I can’t say I wasn’t concerned whether
my pupils knew about my orientation. But how would anyone engage in activities they think are wrong? I did not hide the fact that I was organizing [LGBT] events; I think the pupils knew. On a desk at the back of the classroom I once found a note that said “Stupid literature, and Gay Geography.” I laughed at the time. “Stupid Literature” was much more offensive than “Gay Geography.” We acquired a new head-teacher, Natalya Sergeyevna. Prior to an LGBT flash-mob I went to her and said that I was intending to organize that event and that if she considered it incompatible with working in a school I would resign. Sergeyevna said she considered my employment and my private affairs as a citizen to be two separate things, so I kept my job. But with the adoption of the anti-Gay law … I had never thought of Khabarovsk as homophobic; nothing bad had ever been said about us at public meetings. But in April, after the law had been passed, an event of ours was attacked by 10 Nazis from a group known as “Shtolts” [from “stolz,” German for “proud”]. Our girls were very scared, but the pressure was more of a psychological type. Evidently there had been no order to beat us up; the order had been to frighten us. After that a flash-mob that we held on 17 May was attacked not by Nazis but by a group of Baptist Christians. Then on 26 August I was attacked while going home from work alone. The modus operandi was the one used by the Okkupai-Pedofilyai groups: they turned on the video camera, tried to question me, made threatening gestures, tore off my spectacles. They weren’t drunk – these people are in training for a healthy lifestyle. I remember their names. Some of them belonged to “Shtolts”; the others were from a new movement against the propaganda of sexual perversion or something like that. I didn’t catch the name of the movement. Well, the Nazis made common cause with the Baptists, and they were joined by an organization called Zelyony Dom [“Green House”], which generally campaigns for the development of democracy at the regional level. The leader of Zelyony Dom is a man named Sergei Pleshakov, who talks some rubbish about our “position below the belt,” our “debauched libido,” vaguely Manichean ideas, and those three groups spent the whole summer collecting signatures in favor of my dismissal. By August they had collected 678 signatures and delivered them to the regional Ministry of Education, from where it descended to the Khabarovsk Education Department. On 31 August my head-teacher, Natalya Sergeyevna, got a phone call from the deputy head of the Education Depart-
ment, who bluntly said, “Either you sack him or else we’ll be looking into your professional suitability.” On Monday, 2 September, he rang again, saying, “Well? Is the matter resolved?” On Monday evening, Natalya Sergeyevna put me in the picture, said she was sorry, and that she had put it off for as long as she could. I understood her position, and I am not sure how I would have behaved in her shoes. On Tuesday morning, a female colleague rang me and said that the head-teacher had ordered her to take my classes … No matter, I thought, I’ll go to school and sit my lesson-time out in the staff-room, so as not to let it look as if I were skiving. You must realize that I can’t write a letter of resignation; I simply can’t make my hand do that. I have already signed up for an appointment with the Director of Education. I shall ask for my dismissal to be carried out officially, or else for my situation to be dealt with according to the Employment Code, but not according to telephone law. If necessary I shall go to court. I don’t know who it is that needs to get me dismissed. Probably the Nazi organizations are trying to earn kudos with the public; I have no other explanation. Now I am working as a researcher in an environmental research institute, a place which had for many years been asking me how much longer I intended to be a schoolteacher, and then had stopped asking. I simply don’t see myself working anywhere except in a school. Not being able to give more time to children makes me feel like a traitor. I love being involved with school [athletics], and I give lectures to teachers on professional development courses. I suffer from a distinct “end-of-summer-holiday syndrome,” when I start to have dreams that I’m on my way to work in a school. As for now … the most terrible thing is that I have actually been banned from my profession. That’s like forcing an artist to stop painting. As recently as last spring there was a school that was trying to get me to work there, but now there’s no school anywhere that will take me. I shall, of course, fight for my right to teach, but I don’t know how long I’ll manage to keep fighting. P.S. After the conversation with Alexander Yermoshkin it became known that he had also been fired from the Far East State University for the Humanities, where he had been teaching in the department of biology and geography. The above courtesy of the Straight Alliance for LGBT Equality (Russia), https://www.facebook.com/ groups/378474945543273
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20 Seattle Gay News
October 25, 2013
Celebrating 40 Years!
Jason and Mark to adopt? Thinking about a new addition to the family by Mark Segal Philadelphia Gay News With all the politics in the air, I think it’s time to change the subject and bring some warmth back to a civil society. So with that, Jason and I have decided to talk about wel-
the house. We’re also two busy people and trying to bring up a puppy with our schedule is a little tough, since they need and deserve time and patience. Luckily for us, as soon as we started making sounds that we were open to opening our home and hearts, friends and co-workers realizing our
We’re both animal people, but it has taken us this long to finally be in a place to consider welcoming a new member into the house. coming a new member to our family. Specifically, we’re talking about adopting a puppy. Many of you know we used to have two Boston terriers. Moshe and Sadie were a joy to behold. And after long and loving lives, they left us about two-and-a-half years ago, within six months of each other. Our lives have been a little emptier since. We’re both animal people, but it has taken us this long to finally be in a place to consider welcoming a new member into
also like the idea of a Labradoodle. So we’re debating the pros and cons of each, and who knows, someone might suggest another alternative. Also, what do we name her? We’ve had some fun playing that game with our friends. Don’t know about you, but as I wrote this, I felt that cozy, warm, fuzzy feeling that allowed me to totally forget the problems of the universe. That is the best advertisement for family that I know. Mark Segal, PGN publisher, is the nation’s most-award-winning commentator in LGBT media. He can be reached at mark@ epgn.com.
time restraints jumped in to offer to assist when we need puppy-sitters and more. This moved the needle from “considering” to the reality of “when” we would actually do this. So, now that the decision has been made and we’re looking at the calendar to figure out when, it’s beginning to look like spring, after the opening of the John C. Anderson LGBT-friendly senior apartments. Now we’re down to only two questions: First, what breed? We like the idea of a small dog, like a French bulldog, but we
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22 Seattle Gay News
October 25, 2013
Celebrating 40 Years!
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Seattle Gay News 23