Skip to main content

SGN Jan 17, 2014 - Section 1

Page 1

Issue 3 Volume 42

Celebrating 41 Years!

FRIDAY January 17, 2014 FREE! 25¢ in bookstores & newsstands

Sec 2 Pg. 1

Seattle Gay News SEATTLE’S LGBT NEWS & ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

VICTORY! Judge strikes Oklahoma marriage ban AP Photo / Tulsa World, James Gibbard

Amendment. Unlike the similar judgment in Utah, however, Oklahoma’s attorneys asked for and got a stay of the ruling pending appeal to the Tenth Circuit Court, the same jurisdiction that will hear Utah’s appeal. The state constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, passed in 2004, is based on “moral disapproval” and does not advance the state’s asserted interests in promoting heterosexual marriage or the welfare of children, Kern concluded. “Excluding same-sex couples from marriage has done little to keep Oklahoma families together thus far, as Oklahoma consistently has one of the highest divorce rates in the country,” the judge noted. The suit, Bishop v. Oklahoma, was filed by two Lesbian couples soon after their state banned samesex marriage in 2004 and has been held up in the federal court system ever since. One couple, Mary Bishop and Sharon Baldwin wanted to be married in Oklahoma, but their (l-r) Gay Phillips, Sue Barton, Mary Bishop, and Sharon Baldwin celebrate after a federal judge struck down Oklahoma’s Gay marriage ban application for a marriage license A federal judge ruled on January trict Judge Terence Kern found one class of Oklahoma citizens was rejected by the Tulsa County by Mike Andrew 14 that Oklahoma’s ban on same- that the state’s ban on marriage by from a governmental benefit,” and Clerk. The other couple, Gay PhilSGN Staff Writer sex marriages is unconstitutional. Gay and Lesbian couples is “an ar- therefore violates the equal proIn a 68-page opinion, U.S. Dis- bitrary, irrational exclusion of just tection clause of the Fourteenth see oklahoma page 13

Nigerian police begin Hal Faulkner dies mass arrests of Gays

Last wish was an honorable discharge

U.S. condemns stringent anti-Gay laws reuters

by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer Nigerian police began a mass arrest of Gay men in the northern state of Bauchi, human rights activists reported on January 16. One has already been convicted and publicly whipped. A new law, titled the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act, criminalizes same-sex marriage, LGBT organizations, and anyone working with or promoting them. The measure was passed last year, and Nigeria’s President Goodluck Jonathan secretly signed the law on January 7, but news that it has been enacted only reached the outside world with reports of mass arrests. At least 11 and as many as 38 people are reported to have been arrested. Police are said to have obtained a list of 168 Gay suspects through torture. The chairman of Bauchi state Sharia Commission, Mustapha Baba Ilela, told Associated Press that 11 men have been arrested in

Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

Hal Faulkner, a Gay man whose last wish came true earlier this month when his discharge from the U.S. Marines was changed from “undesirable” to “honorable,” died Tuesday in Florida. Just 11 days after receiving his see nigeria page 15

wish, Faulkner succumbed following a battle with cancer. His story, however, will live on undoubtedly as one of the most poignant examples of the toll that laws like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” have had on the Gay community. Hal Faulkner joined the U.S. see faulkner page 13


Washington State 1-888-BE-THERE History Museum WashingtonHistory.org 2

Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


Seattle Gay News FOUNDED 1973

1605 12th Ave., Ste. 31 Seattle, WA 98122

Phone: (206) 324-4297 Fax: (206) 322-7188

MEMBER

e-mail: sgn2@sgn.org internet: www.sgn.org

2013

Deadlines

Classifieds - Thursday at noon Calendar - Tuesday 6pm Display Ads: Space Reservation - Monday 5pm Ad copy (non-camera ready) - Tues. 5pm Ad copy (camera ready) - Wed. 5pm Letters to the Editor - Tuesday 5pm Obituaries - Call the SGN office All others - Tuesday 5pm

Editor In Chief George Bakan Associate Editor Shaun Knittel Calendar Editors Mike Andrew and Rick McKinnon Travel Editor George Bakan Advertising Manager Marty Weisbrod Advertising Department Maggie Bloodstone, Tym Brown, Tim Moffett

Local news

Neighbours arson fire update

Rev. Barbara Allen, Eric Andrews-Katz, Madelyn Arnold, Maggie Bloodstone, Beau Burriola, Jessica Davis, Ron Anders, Jessica Price, Milton W. Hamlin, Scott Wittet, Nevin Jefferson, Jason A. Miller, Liz Meyer, Rod Parke, Don Paulson, Scott Rice,Leslie Robinson, Richard Kennedy, Rex Wockner

seattle.gov

seattle.gov

Executive Assistant Mike Andrew Staff Writers Mike Andrew, Miryam Gordon, Anthony Greer, Shaun Knittel, Albert Rodriguez, James Whitely Contributing Writers

Classifieds Mike Andrew and Rick McKinnon Photographers

Nate Gowdy, Joseph P. Herron, Shaun Knittel, James Whitely National Advertising Rep. Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 Website Designer Barry Thorsness/Digital Team Works Seattle Gay News is published weekly by Frogs and Ink, Inc. © 2014, Frogs and Ink, Inc., all rights reserved. Reprints by permission.

Publication of names, photographs or likenesses of any person, organization, event or business in this publication cannot be taken as any indication of the sexual orientation of the person, organization, event or business. Opinions expressed in bylined articles, columns, and letters are those of the authors only and do not necessarily reflect the views of the staff or management of this paper. Seattle Gay News welcomes unsolicited material, including letters to the editor, but reserves the right to edit or reject material. All rights revert to authors upon publication. We assume no liability for loss or damage of materials, solicited or not. We invite feedback, please write. And please play safe. It is our policy that no money shall be refunded if you choose to cancel your subscription or ad. However, credit towards any size ad will be given for the balance owed. No exceptions.

In Loving Memory Of

Steve Foiles, Scott Roger Alpert, Cookie Andrews-Hunt, James Leland Moore, Randy Peters, Lee Richeson, Shaun Shelton, Jim Tully, James Arnold

These images were taken from surveillance video cameras at Neighbours on the evening of the arson-set fire.

helped put out the fire with a fire extinguish- side the club about the incident. Police ask that anyone who recognizes er. About 750 people were inside the club this man contact the Seattle Police DeSeattle police are looking for a man they at the time, but the building was evacuated partment. They also ask believe is connected to anyone who might the New Year’s Eve arson have interacted fire at the Capitol Hill Gay with him that club, Neighbours. night or might Detectives hope the have taken photos public can help them with or video inside the their investigation. club at that time Just after midnight, on to call as well. safely. No one was injured. January 1, a fire was set in the stairway of Anyone with information is encourDetectives want to interview the man capthe club, triggering the club’s automatic fire alarm and sprinkler system. A bar patron tured on video surveillance footage from in- aged to call 206-684-8980. by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

Visit us online www.sgn.org

Police ask that anyone who recognizes this man contact the Seattle Police Department.

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News

3


Imperial Sovereign Court of Seattle and the Olympic and Rainier Empire Monarch Candidacy Announcements

To The Board of Directors, The College of Monarchs and The General I, Rodeo Drive, hereby respectfully submit this letter of intent to run for the position of Empress of Seattle – Olympia XLIII with the Imperial Sovereign Membership of The Imperial Sovereign Court of Seattle, as well as The Seattle Community, Court of Seattle and the Olympic and Rainier Empire. I began my involvement with the Court of Everett in 2005. I have been able to learn and experience the many aspects of community service, including the commitment and dedication involved in making a difference in our community. My accomplishments so far have been: being crowned Miss Gay Everett XXIV, Imperial Princess XIX of Everett, Empress XXI of Everett and am currently holding a seat on the Board of Directors of Seattle. As Empress, I am going to continue the mission of our organization through fundraising and entertaining. I look forward to creating shows and events that are fresh, dynamic and energetic. It will be my goal to raise more funds for the scholarship and various charitable services. I believe in supporting our community by embracing and promoting diversity through the art of drag while creating pride in our community. I will also strive to bring together the various non-profit organizations, including the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and The Knights Of Mantra, in order to reconnect the Court with the community. Please vote for RODEO DRIVE for EMPRESS of SEATTLE on Sunday, February 9th, from 1:00 p.m.-6:00 p.m., at C.C. Attle’s, 1701 E. Olive Way on Capitol Hill. Lifetime Members, Citizens for Life and residents 18 and up from King and Island Counties are eligible to vote with valid ID. Please join the Court of Seattle for Coronation 2014 – “The Future Masquerade: A Journey Through the Past, Present, and Future” on Saturday, February 15th, at the Renaissance Seattle Hotel. Respectfully, Rodeo Drive Candidate for Empress – Olympia XLIII

My name is Eric Bonesteel and I would like you to consider me for the position of Rainier XL. I have been a resident of Seattle for 23 years and have been involved in the community here for 21 of those years and been involved with the Court of Seattle since 1997. I have held titles representing Seattle Men in Leather, Generic Leather Productions of Washington as well as the Court of Seattle. I have also served on the boards of these three organizations. In addition, I have also given my time and talents to other organizations in the Seattle area, including The Knights of Mantra and Seattle Counseling Services. 2013 was indeed a great year for the LGBT community; however, there is still much work to be done. I feel that my background of serving diverse organizations gives me a uniquely broad perspective and ability to represent the Court of Seattle both here and across the country. I believe that education is one of the keys to forwarding the goal of true equality for the LGBT community. Should I be elected Emperor, I will endeavor to raise the visibility of The Court of Seattle’s scholarship program, known as The JC/Graytop Scholarship. This scholarship was created in 1977 and over the years has given away over $60,000 to deserving students who support our organizations goals of enhancing self-esteem, recognizing diversity, supporting personal development and acknowledgment of human rights. I hope that I receive your support in continuing this organization’s efforts to further and expand the reach of this scholarship. Voting Day is Sunday, February 9, 2014 at C.C. Attle’s, 1701 E. Olive Way from 1-6 p.m. Thank you for your consideration. Eric Bonesteel Candidate for Rainier XL

4

Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor The Archdiocese of Seattle said Wednesday he won’t change his mind about rehiring a Gay vice principal who was fired from Eastside Catholic, a Seattle-area Catholic high school, after school officials learned he had married his same-sex partner.

seattle stewardship

Seattle Archbishop stands by firing of Zmuda a great deal of prayer and consultation,” Archbishop J. Peter Sartain wrote. “In no way was their goal to be discriminatory to anyone, but to be faithful to their mission as a Catholic school.” In the letter, Sartain explains that all employees of the private school are required to sign an agreement that their public behaviors would at all times be consistent with

“When Mr. Zmuda married his same-sex partner, the school administration was left with no acceptable alternative that would allow him to remain eligible for employment at Eastside Catholic School.” Social Outreach Seattle (SOSea) joined a coalition of organizations, students, and alumni who believe that the Church should stop firing teachers based on sexual orientation, on Wednesday at 11:30 a.m. at the Archbishop Peter Sartain’s office to turn in over 20,000 petition signatures asking for the same. “Please listen to the students at Eastside Catholic and reinstate their vice principal. If Pope Francis says he won’t judge Gays and Lesbians, you shouldn’t be firing them,” the petition read. The archdiocese responded with a statement saying they stand by the decision. It was the first time since Mr. Z’s termination that the archdiocese spoke publicly about the school’s decision. “The recent personnel decision by the board and administrators of Eastside Catholic regarding Mr. Zmuda was made after

the values and teachings of the Catholic Church. The church does not recognize same-sex marriage, the letter pointed out. “When Mr. Zmuda married his same-sex partner, the school administration was left with no acceptable alternative that would allow him to remain eligible for employment at Eastside Catholic School,” the letter to parents said. Corey Sisner, a former Eastside Catholic student and organizer of the “Keep Mr. Z” campaign, said the statement by the Archdiocese of Seattle was unexpected. “We commend them for that,” he said. “This is what we want. We want to ask questions and get answers. So this is, I think, the start of that dialogue that we’ve been asking for.” Eastside Catholic students were in school where they presented their own petition to Principal Mary E. Tracy.

Archbishop J. Peter Sartain

“The year is 2014: It’s time to stop firing teachers for being gay!” Sinser, said as about 35 Catholic laypeople began a march on the chancery of the Archdiocese of Seattle. “Please take this bold step and help stem the firings of gay Catholic educators: Be a shining light for your colleagues in other archdioceses. If you lead, they will follow,”

Sinser urged Sartain. A large-scale protest in support of the educator, fondly known as Mr. Z, dubbed “ZDay” is scheduled for January 31, in which we are asking supporters at the school and around the nation to wear orange to show support for Zmuda and call for change within the school’s Catholic doctrine.

The most LGBT-friendly places in America, according to The Advocate’s ever-rotating criteria, are some of what you expect, and a lot of what you don’t.

For the fifth year in a row The Advocate, the world’s leading Gay news source, has compiled its annual list of the “Gayest Cities in America.” This time around it’s not all piano bars, gender-specific music festivals, and giant disco houses (although we all love some of those things) that make these cities the Gayest in America. You say you’re shocked Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York City aren’t at the top of the list, this year and every year? (Spoiler alert!) “Don’t be so shocked. LGBT life comes in all flavors, some with sprinkles, some with a cherry on top,” said Matthew Breen, editor-in-chief of The Advocate. “We’re especially excited about our top pick this year – partly because it’s always a surprise to us until we crunch the numbers, but also because it inspires such patriotism. Each year this list reminds us that our experiences are diverse, that we inhabit every part of our country, and that there’s not just one way to evaluate our experiences.” The Advocate again created an assorted and surprising list of honorees. This year’s criteria, designed to uncover the hidden factors that give a city its Queer cred, include points for a city’s LGBT elected officials (and fractional points for statewide elected officials), points for the percentage of the

nate gowdy / seattle gay news

The Advocate’s 2014 “Gayest Cities in America”

population comprised by Lesbian-coupled households, a point for a Gay rodeo association, points for bars listed in OUT magazine’s 200 Best Bars list, a point per women’s college, and points for concert performances by Mariah Carey, Pink, Lady Gaga, or the Jonas Brothers. The raw score is divided by the population to provide a ranking based on a per capita LGBT quotient. The 2014 “Gayest Cities in America” include: 15. Pittsburgh, PA 14. Long Beach, CA 13. Orlando, FL 12. Rochester, NY 11. San Francisco, CA 10. Arlington, VA 9. Oakland, CA 8. Salt Lake City, UT 7. Madison, WI 6. St. Louis, MO 5. Atlanta, GA 4. Cambridge, MA 3. Seattle, WA 2. Pasadena, CA 1. Washington, DC Find out more about all the cities that made The Advocate’s top “Gayest Cities in America” this year at: http://www.advocate.com/print-issue/ current-issue/2014/01/06/2014s-gayestcities-america

Visit us online www.sgn.org

WE’RE NUMBER 3!

The Advocate is currently available to consumers via the print publication, online at Advocate.com, and via mobile devices, including on the new Advocate Discovery app for the iPad, which allows users to aggregate LGBT content from around the

January 17, 2014

world and tailor it to specific interests. Like The Advocate on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/TheAdvocate and follow The Advocate on Twitter at @TheAdvocateMag. Courtesy The Advocate

Seattle Gay News

5


Historic Seattle celebrates 40th anniversary Announces 2014 programs by Larry Kreisman Historic Seattle Get ready for another great Historic Seattle program year! It’s our 40th anniversary! Historic Seattle is proud to offer an outstanding 2014 educational program for lovers of buildings and heritage. Enjoy lectures, visits to private homes, local and out-of-town tours, and special events that bring you closer to understanding and appreciating the rich and varied built environment that we seek to preserve and protect with your help. Our 2014 program brochure is now available and events are online. Here’s some of what you can expect: _ Digging Deeper – Built Heritage Research: A multi-session program for those wishing to learn about the primary research materials in the many archives in Seattle and King County. _ A special focus on First Hill as we debut our 40th anniversary publication, Seattle’s First Hill. Learning from Historic Sites/ Members Meetings will be held at First Hill historic buildings. Our publication presentation and book-signing party will be at Town Hall Seattle in November. _ Preserving Utility includes an all-day tour of City Light’s Skagit Hydroelectric power plants, dams, staff buildings, and

gardens with preservation experts. _ Explore the architectural treasures of Tacoma on an all-day tour of downtown and neighborhoods. _ Tour preservation and adaptive reuse projects to understand the challenges and successes of re-purposing historic properties in Bothell, Kenmore, and Kirkland. _ Attend the screening of the documentary The Greenest Building in a free showing at the Seattle Public Library, followed by a panel discussion with the producer and panel of local experts. Be invited guests at an architecturally significant private home on Queen Anne Hill and the Centennial celebration for the beloved Ellsworth Storey cottages in Mt. Baker’s Colman Park. _ Enjoy the traveling exhibition “Deco Japan: Shaping Art and Culture 1920-1945” with our community partner, the Seattle Asian Art Museum, in a specially arranged walk-through with the collector. _ Take part in our 6th Annual Historic Preservation Awards event at Good Shepherd Center. Please visit www.historicseattle.org and click on “Events” for descriptions of all events for the year. You can request a copy of the brochure for yourself and your friends by calling (206)

622-6952. Or register online. Historic Seattle, founded in 1974, is the only city-wide nonprofit membership organization dedicated to the preservation of Seattle’s architectural legacy. Historic Seattle advocates for and participates in the thoughtful preservation and rehabilitation of historic buildings, landscapes, and archi-

tectural artifacts. Historic Seattle is grateful to Civic Partners Fund, Seattle Office of Arts & Culture and 4Culture for ongoing support. Historic Seattle is located at 1117 Minor Ave., Seattle, WA 98101; (206) 6226952; www.historicseattle.org. Courtesy Historic Seattle

national news

Utah tax officials OK joint filing for married same-sex couples by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer The Utah Tax Commission issued a statement January 16 saying that same-sex cou-

vious policy that Gay and Lesbian couples may not file jointly, and it seems to contradict the state’s appeal of a December 20 federal court decision allowing same-sex marriage in the state.

“Same-sex couples whose marriages were performed in Utah pursuant to the federal district court’s order between Dec. 20, 2013, and Dec. 31, 2013, or whose marriages were solemnized in other states before Dec. 31, 2013, may file individual State income returns as ‘married.’” ples who have been legally married in Utah or any other state may file joint state income tax returns. It was a reversal of the commission’s pre-

“Same-sex couples whose marriages were performed in Utah pursuant to the federal district court’s order between Dec. 20, 2013, and Dec. 31, 2013, or whose marriages were

Hot

Use this coupon for

MAMA’S $2.00 off any size pizza PIZZA

700 East Pine St., Seattle

HOMEMADE

The Best Piece In Town! HAND TOSSED Not valid for delivery.

Free deLIVery • 206-322-6444

solemnized in other states before Dec. 31, 2013, may file individual State income returns as ‘married,’” said Charlie Roberts, spokesperson for the Tax Commission. The latest policy statement applies only to 2013 taxes, the agency said, with possible changes depending on the outcome of pending court cases. Utah is appealing the ruling of U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby striking down state laws banning same-sex marriage. His ruling was stayed 18 days later by the U.S. Supreme Court, but not before some 1,300 Gay and Lesbian couples were married in

the state. According to the Salt Lake Tribune, the Utah tax agency did not immediately explain its change of course. Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes has ruled that marriage rights for the couples are “on hold” until the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals rules on Judge Shelby’s decision. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, on the other hand, said that the federal government would recognize them as married spouses, and that they may file joint federal tax returns.

Rich Full-Bodied Cafes Savory Homestyle Soups & Sandwiches 6

Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer Embattled New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has vetoed a bill to allow Transgender residents of his state to update the gender marker on their birth certificates to match their actual gender identity. Under exiting New Jersey law, Trans people must complete gender reassignment surgery before they can apply for an accu-

Tony Kurdzuk / The Star-Ledger

NJ Gov. Chris Christie picks fight, vetoes Transgender ID bill

said. “This bill would have brought New Jersey in line with federal regulations. Now you will have birth certificates that don’t match driver’s licenses and passports. In many cases people are being called out on fraud because their documents don’t match.” “It was very vindictive,” Stevenson added. “It had not been a controversial piece of legislation. Just because it had the word transgender in it, he didn’t want to sign it.”

“This bill would have brought New Jersey in line with federal regulations. Now you will have birth certificates that don’t match driver’s licenses and passports. In many cases people are being called out on fraud because their documents don’t match.” rate birth certificate. The bill to ease this restriction on access to ID passed the New Jersey Senate in late December by a vote of 21-11. The Assembly had approved the bill last June by a vote of 43-27. The measure, named S2786, would have mandated a new birth record for people who have undergone “clinically appropriate treatment for the purpose of gender transition, based on contemporary medical standards.” Garden State Equality Executive Director Troy Stevenson said in a statement that only about 30% of Trans people have full reassignment surgery. “A person’s gender identity is about who they are, not what their body looks like,” he

Dru Levasseur, Transgender Rights Project Director for Lambda Legal, also blasted Christie for vetoing the bill saying there “is simply no justification” for refusing to sign it. “New Jersey’s onerous surgery requirement is out-of-step with contemporary standards for transgender health care and imposes a hurdle that many cannot and should not have to meet simply to have identity documents that reflect who they are,” Levasseur said. Christie issued a statement claiming that he wanted more time to think about “safeguards.” “The sponsors seek to alter the amended birth certificate application process without

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

maintaining appropriate safeguards,” he A two-thirds majority in both houses of stated. “Consequently, further consideration the state legislature will be necessary to is necessary to determine whether to make override Christie’s veto and allow the measuch significant changes to state law con- sure to become law. cerning the issuance of vital records.”

the walker report

Texas federal judge rejects anti-Gay brief authority in its motion to this regard.” The underlying lawsuit involves Cleopatra De Leon and Nicole Dimetman, who A federal district judge in Texas has re- were married in Massachusetts and reside in jected an amicus brief filed by the anti-Gay Austin, and Victor Holmes and Mark Phafundamentalist group Texas Values in the riss, who reside in San Antonio. De Leon marriage equality lawsuit against the state. and Dimetman want the state of Texas to Texas Values “speaks up for faith, family, recognize them as legal spouses. Holmes and freedom through public policy, grass- and Phariss applied for a marriage license in roots mobilization, and by standing for the Texas but were turned down. truth in media,” the group’s website says. San Antonio attorney Daniel McNeel Its activities center on opposing LGBT Lane, the lead counsel for both couples, said rights legislation. current Texas law banning same-sex marThe Texas Values amicus brief cites the riage runs counter to the U.S. Constitution long-discredited work of Mark Regnerus to and is a “badge of inferiority.” claim that children in same-sex households “Just as the judicial branch protected the face significant social and developmental fundamental right to marry and established disadvantages compared to those in oppo- that discriminatory laws could not prevent site-sex households. mixed-race couples from exercising that The brief also asserts that studies by the right, the courts again must step in to protect American Psychological Association are the marriage right,” Lane told Reuters. wrong in their findings that Gay parents Judge Garcia was nominated to the federraise well-adjusted children. al bench in 1993 by President Bill Clinton. Texas Values asks the judge to deny the He was previously a member of the Texas plaintiffs, two same-sex couples, a tempo- House of Representatives, representing San rary injunction preventing state officials Antonio. from enforcing state laws against Gay and A February 2013 poll commissioned by Lesbian marriages. Equality Texas showed that almost 48% U.S. District Judge Orlando Garcia ruled of Texans overall support the idea of maron January 13 that the brief be stricken from riage equality, but in the 18-29 age group, a the court record because “it cites no legal whopping 68% support equality. by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer

Judge Orlando Garcia

Visit us online www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News

7


by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer Only hours after being sworn in as Governor of Virginia, Terry McAuliffe signed an executive order banning discrimination against LGBT Virginians. “By virtue of the authority vested in me as governor, I hereby declare that it is the firm and unwavering policy of the commonwealth of Virginia to assure equal opportunity in all facets of state government,” the order, issued January 11, said. “The foundational tenet of this executive order is premised upon a steadfast commitment to foster a culture of inclusion, diversity and mutual respect for all Virginians.” McAuliffe’s predecessor, Republican Governor Bob McDonnell, refused to issue a similar order when he assumed office, but prior Democratic governors Tim Kaine and Mark Warner – now Virginia’s U.S. Senators – also signed nondiscrimination orders. For the first time in Virginia’s history, gender identity and expression join sexual orientation among the prohibited bases for discrimination. “My administration is committed to keeping Virginia open and welcoming to all who call our commonwealth home,” said McAuliffe after signing the directive. “Executive Order Number 1 sets the tone

for an administration that will not accept discrimination in any form, and one that will work tirelessly to ensure all Virginians have equal opportunity in the workplace, no matter their backgrounds, race, religion, or whom they love.” A former Democratic National Committee chair and ally of the Clintons, McAuliffe made LGBT rights one of his signature campaign issues against Republican candidate and former Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli. In contrast, Cuccinelli used his last hours in office to issue a parting anti-Gay opinion. “[A] Governor may not direct or require any agency of state government to allow same-sex couples to receive joint marital status for Virginia income tax returns,” Cuccinelli wrote in a statement dated January 10. The opinion is non-binding, however, and Cuccinelli’s successor, Democrat Mark Herring, was sworn in on January 11 along with McAuliffe. His inauguration took place against the backdrop of two federal lawsuits challenging Virginia’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. It is not clear whether McAuliffe and Herring will defend the ban that Virginia voters approved in 2006 by a 57%-43% margin. Just after signing the nondiscrimination

Study finds Gay couples happier than straight

Linda Davidson / The Washington Post

Terry McAuliffe re-bans anti-Gay discrimination

Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe

order, McAuliffe also signed an executive order that prohibits gifts of more than $100 to himself, his family, and statewide officials and their families. McDonnell left

office under a cloud of scandal when it was revealed that he, his wife, and their children accepted expensive gifts from a businessman seeking state contracts.

especially the younger ones, say they would not hold hands in public for fear of reprisal,” the study said. Of the 5,000 couples surveyed, about 500 were called back for individualized in-depth interviews. One Gay couple, identified only as Joe and Will from London, confirmed that they restrict their displays of affection out of concern about public reaction. “Although I’ve never received physical or face-to-face abuse, I am very aware of stares and raised eyebrows when holding my partner’s hand,” Joe told researchers. “It took us a while to have the confidence to hold hands and kiss on the lips in public, for example, when saying goodbye to each other. We spent a year saying our goodbyes at home in the morning rather than on the Tube, despite us both travelling in together, out of fear of potential disapproving looks or abuse. I know in London it’s probably much easier than other parts of the UK, or other countries around the world, but I don’t think we’ll ever feel 100 per cent comfortable in public as a couple.” While Gay couples are on average happier than straight ones, straight couples without children tend to be happier than parents, the study found.

“Heterosexual parents are the group least likely to be there for each other, to make ‘couple time’, to pursue shared interests, to say ‘I love you’ and to talk openly to one another,” the findings revealed. While mothers were found to be “significantly happier with life than any other group,” they also reported that they were the least satisfied with their partners. When asked who is the most important person in their lives, three-quarters of mothers named their children, while less than half of fathers did so. For men, slightly more than half felt their partners were more important than the children. “From this it could be inferred that children are the primary source of happiness for women rather than a partner,” the study said, “something that is corroborated by other survey data.” Fathers were more likely to complain of a lack of sex in the relationship. Only one in ten fathers said their partner wanted sex more often than they did, while four in ten mothers said so. Open University is an online university based in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire. The study was funded by the Economic and Science Research Council.

meant by “love” in relationships. “The act of saying ‘I love you’ is identified as important by men and women alike, Same-sex couples are more likely to have but a loving gesture is far more highly valhappy relationships than opposite-sex ones, ued,” it said. For Brits, that means making a a new British study found. cup of tea for your partner. A survey of 5,000 British couples pubDr. Jacqui Gibb, co-author of the report, lished January 14 by Open University was said, that “Grand romantic gestures, alaimed at finding out ways in which couples though appreciated, don’t nurture a relationmanage to stay happy through tough times. ship as much as bringing your partner a cup “LGBQ participants are more generally of tea in bed or watching TV together.” positive about and happier with the qualGibb’s team found, however, that Gay ity of their relationship and the relation- couples were less likely to be publicly afship which they have with their partner” the fectionate, for fear of attracting disapproval study found. or unwanted negative attention. Among other conclusions, researchers “Public/private boundaries of ‘couple disfound that it was “hard to pin down” what is play’ remain fraught. Many LGBQ couples, by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer

8

Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


Visit us online www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News

9


MOVING SALE

All FALL/WINTER merchandise 30-50% off ... Follow us on Facebook and the BB blog for Deals of the Day - up to 85% savings daily ...

1408 Fifth Ave. Seattle - 206-622-5760 www.BUTCHBLUM.com

10 Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


Visit us online www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News 11


Discover 40 years of LGBTQ history in the Puget Sound region 860 Terry Avenue N., Seattle, WA 98109 206.324.1126 www.mohai.org

12 Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


Cindy Karp / New York Times

Hal Faulkner (seated) with his lawyer, family and fellow servicemen at a ceremony to restore his status as an honorably discharged Marine

faulkner

continued from cover Marine Corps in 1953. He started as a private first class and, within the span of three years, went on to become a corporal and a sergeant, eventually getting assigned to a base in the Philippines. But then something went wrong. In 1956, when he was 22, Faulkner was discharged from the Marines after more than three years of proud service. His record was clean. There were no real blots of any kind. No complaints of incompetence or laziness or insubordination. There was, however, this: A man Hal had spent some off-duty time with informed his commanding officer that Faulkner was Gay. The commanding officer determined that Faulkner had to go. The discharge was classified as “other than honorable” and the officer wrote “homosexual” on the papers. “It wrecked me,” Faulkner told the New York Times as tears streamed down his cheeks. “They gave up on me,” he said, referring to the Marines. Half a century later, Faulkner, 79-yearold at the time of the Times interview, said the early discharge had always stayed with him like a tight, stubborn knot of sadness and anger. In particular, those three words – “other than honorable.” He wanted more than anything to have them removed from his record. As the New York Times put it, “That became his dying wish: that those words not outlive him.” More than 110,000 Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual people were discharged from the United States military over time because of their sexual orientation prior to federal law being changed. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” vaguely softened the prohibition against Gays in the armed services, but throughout the ‘90s and 10 years into the next century, it was common for discharges to be classified as “other than honorable,” which sometimes barred Gay veterans from receiving any benefits, and, in some cases, disqualified them from civilian jobs they later sought. Now that the military accepts Gays, there is also a process that permits those who were dishonorably discharged to appeal for reclassifications of those dismissals as honorable. Currently, there is no data available on how many veterans have sought to take advantage of this or with what success.

When Faulkner caught wind of it, he knew that he had to try. He contacted OutServe-SLDN, an advocacy group for Gay service members, to rally support for his cause. Unfortunately, Faulkner’s discharge from the Marines based on his sexual orientation wouldn’t be the last time his being Gay lost him a job. In the late 1950s, after a sales job with a company that sold heavy construction and road-making equipment, Faulkner joined a firm that made tools and technology for guarding against environmental degradation only to lose the job, once again, to being Gay. Faulkner saw no choice but to return to the closet and tell no one about his sexual orientation. Had he been more open about being Gay, he told the New York Times, “I wouldn’t be here today. I’d probably be on the street.” It wasn’t until 2005 that he finally brought Charles, his longtime partner and “the love of my life,” to a big family gathering. A few years later, Charles died, and Faulkner lived alone with round-the-clock help from a home health care attendant One year ago, he received a diagnosis of cancer in his lungs, liver and adrenal glands. Faulkner was given about six months to live. Anne Brooksher-Yen, the New York lawyer who took on his discharge appeal, says she was racing the clock. She received Faulkner’s request just three months ago, when doctors were saying that he might only have weeks to live. She pressed the military for an expedited decision. Finally, in mid-December, she received a letter saying that the military would change the verbiage of his discharge. Three weeks ago, a gathering was held in Fort Lauderdale where the letter was presented to Faulkner. John Gillespie, a member of OutServeSLDN’s board of directors, traveled there, too, from Mississippi, and arranged for two local Marines, in uniform, to be on hand to congratulate Faulkner, who’d been told what the letter said. “He lived his entire adult life with this shame and this stain on his honor,” Gillespie said. “The world has changed so much that with the stroke of a pen, that stain and that shame are gone.” At the Friday gathering, in a penthouse apartment a few floors above his own, Faulkner was given a red Marine cap and received a copy of the letter, which included its assurance that his military record would

Visit us online www.sgn.org

“be corrected to show that he received an honorable discharge.” Those who were present say Faulkner was visibly fighting back tears. “I don’t have much longer to live,” he said, “but I shall always remember it.” Finally, he gave in and began to sob. “It’s often said that a man doesn’t cry,” he said. “I am a Marine and I am a man. So please forgive me.” The old man’s dying wish had been granted.

oklahoma continued from cover

lips and Susan Barton, wanted their Vermont civil union to be recognized by their state of residence. The case was complicated by legal wrangling over who was properly named as a defendant, and Kern did not actually hear arguments on the plaintiffs’ motion for summary judgment until last summer. In his opinion, Kern noted a “rhetorical shift” in legal opinion since the suit was first filed nine years ago. “There is no precise legal label for what has occurred in Supreme Court jurisprudence beginning with Romer in 1996 and culminating in Windsor in 2013, but this Court knows a rhetorical shift when it sees one,” he wrote.

January 17, 2014

In Romer v. Evans, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a state – in this case Colorado – could not take away legal rights from LGBT citizens. In USA v. Windsor, of course, the court ruled that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples violated the Fifth Amendment due process and equal protection rights of Gay and Lesbian couples. Both rulings were written by Justice Anthony Kennedy. LGBT rights advocates hailed the judge’s decision. James Esseks, who directs the ACLU Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender & AIDS Project, said in an interview that the decision is “a reflection of how far we’ve moved on this issue.” “This is not an issue for the coasts, this is not an issue just for the liberals,” he said. “This is increasingly America’s understanding of what marriage is, and fairness in marriage laws looks like.” Freedom To Marry said Kern had “done the right thing by affirming that marriage is a fundamental freedom for all people, gay and non-gay – for all of us who believe in liberty and fairness… “The momentum for the freedom to marry will continue as we win more hearts and minds, working to bring the freedom to marry throughout the country.” “Judge Kern has come to the conclusion that so many have before him – that the fundamental equality of lesbian and gay couples is guaranteed by the United States Constitution,” HRC President Chad Griffin said in a statement. “With last year’s historic victories at the Supreme Court guiding the way, it is clear that we are on a path to full and equal citizenship for all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans. Equality is not just for the coasts anymore, and today’s news from Oklahoma shows that time has come for fairness and dignity to reach every American in all 50 states.” On the other side, NOM President Brian S. Brown said in a statement the Oklahoma decision “is the latest in a string of examples of the dangers posed to state marriage laws when the avenue of debate is the federal court system.” Judge Kern was appointed to the federal bench by Bill Clinton in 1994.

Seattle Gay News 13


northwest news

GAY CITY ARTS – “PORTALS TO SPIRITUALITY” JANUARY 9 - FEBRUARY 9 Join Gay City (517 E. Pike St.) for “Portals to Spirituality” by Darnita L. Howard. Through digital fractals and traditional media (acrylics, ink, and photography), Damita L. Howard explores spirituality, nature, love, beauty, and culture. “Portals to Spirituality” is presented in conjunction with Gay City Arts, through which Gay City collaborates with local LGBT artists to galvanize an audience for Queer arts, foster the development of LGBT artists, and facilitate artistic excellence across a wide range of disciplines, including theatre, music, dance, film, spoken word, literary and visual arts. A portion of any sales will be donated to Gay City. www.gaycity.org METROPOLITAN OPERA AUDITIONS On Sunday, January 19, at 1 p.m., the Northwest Regional Metropolitan Opera Auditions will be held at Benaroya Hall, S. Mark Taper Foundation Auditorium (3rd Ave. & Union St.). Winners from the four Northwest districts compete to go to New York City for the Nationals on the Met stage. Admission $15 and $10 senior/student. Cash or checks. Audience can come and go between each singer’s short sets. www.metoperanw.com or 425-678-8774. MLK JR DAY RALLY & MARCH – “RISE UP! RESTORE THE DREAM” On Monday, January 20, workshops 9:30 a.m.-11 a.m., rally 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m., march 12:30 p.m., at Garfield High School (23rd Ave. E. & E. Jefferson St.), the Martin Luther King Celebration Committee hosts the annual region-wide Martin Luther King,

Jr. Celebration. Seattle has one of the largest annual martin Luther King Day Celebrations in the U.S. We honor the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., for his work toward racial equality and toward economic justice for all people, for his commitment ot nonviolence, and for his stand against war and militarism. www. MLKseattle.org. POZ SEATTLE – MONTHLY SOCIAL #2 On Wednesday, January 22, from 6-8 p.m., at C.C. Attle’s (1701 E. Olive Way), join POZSeattle for their second monthly social. Meet inside for drinks, light fare of tasty food provided by C.C.’s kitchen, socializing, and a whole lot of fun. This event is FREE (except for cost of beverages), and is for all HIV-Positive men and their friends, regardless of age, shape, size or color. For those who can afford it, a voluntary $2 suggested donation is requested to help with overhead costs, but no one will be turned away for lack of funds. POZSeattle is a social organization run for and by Seattle-area HIV-Positive men that is committed to planning and promoting fun, social activities. www.pozseattle.org.

compiled by Rick McKinnon SGN Staff Writer

speak hugely to all those fathers in our reading group. It brings back to life post-Stonewall San Francisco, when it was the capital of the Gay universe, as well as the catastrophe of AIDS, when the caregiving parent has to turn to his daughter for caregiving. Sofia Coppola has just purchased the rights to Fairyland to make into her next film. All GLBTQ folks are welcome to participate in this FREE book club. For more information, visit http://faculty.washington. edu/swittet/SGLBookClub/.

19TH ANNUAL SEATTLE ESPRESSO CUP BOWLING TOURNAMENT JANUARY 24-26 On Friday, January 24, through Sunday, January 26, the Seattle Unified Bowling Association (SUBA) hosts the 19th Annual Seattle Espresso Cup Bowling Tournament. Approximately 130 bowlers from the Pacific Northwest and from around the country have registered for the tournament. The goal of the tournament is to promote friendship and goodwill within the LGBT community while providing a venue for bowlers to compete in a series of events held throughout the weekend. The team event is Friday at 7 p.m., singles SEATTLE GAY & LESBIAN is Saturday at 10 a.m., followed by doubles BOOK CLUB – FAIRYLAND at 1 p.m. An optional scratch event is SunThe Seattle Gay & Lesbian Book Club day at 9 a.m. Spectators are welcome. meets every Wednesday from 6-7:15 p.m., www.espressocup.org. at Seattle Area Support Groups Community Center (303 17th Ave. E. at E. Thomas St.). EMERALD CITY SOFTBALL In January, the club will discuss FairyASSOCIATION – land by Alysia Abbott, the true story of a FIELD DAY girl growing up with her Gay Buddhist poet NEW-PLAYER CLINIC & father in San Francisco during the ‘70s and SKILLS ASSESSMENT ‘80s, and as she goes through his journals 35 years later and recreates their time together, a daughter-father love story that I think will

On Saturdays, January 25 and February 8, at 10 a.m., at North SeaTac Playfields (S. 128th St. & 20th Ave. S., SeaTac), players of all skill levels are invited to attend this new-player clinic and skills assessment meet-up for ECSA’s 2014 LGBT softball season. For rainout and league information, visit seattlegaysoftball.com. SEATTLE QUAKE RUGBY – NEW PLAYER ORIENTATION On Saturday, January 25, from 1-3 p.m., at Magnuson Park (7400 Sand Point Way NE), join Seattle Quake Rugby for a new player orientation. Email join@quakrerugby.org for detailed information. www.quakerugby.org. DIVERSE HARMONY – “WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO BE ME” On Friday & Saturday, January 31 & February 1, at 7:30 p.m., join Diverse Harmony, the nation’s first Gay-straight alliance youth chorus, at Broadway Performance Hall (Broadway & E. Pine St.) as we take you on a musical journey from the family we are born into, to the family we choose. Combining Broadway, pop and classical tunes, this concert will explore what family is, and how everyone forms their own sense of family and community. Selections include Sondheim, music from Ragtime, pop hits of the ‘70s and 2000s, and dancing and acting from our amazing youth. www. diverseharmony.org. Tickets: $20 general; $25 premium; $30 VIP. www.brownpapertickets.com/ event/520888. Free youth tickets (ages 22 and under with ID) available at the door on day of show only.

Rich Full-Bodied Cafes Savory Homestyle Soups & Sandwiches 14 Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


file photo

international news

7,000 French weddings since May 29, 2013

Seven thousand same-sex couples have married in France since May 29, 2013, when it first became legal, France’s National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies (INSEE) says. The figure represents about 3% of all French marriages. About 60% of the marriages involved male couples, INSEE added. This is the same proportion for civil partnerships, or PACs – in France, a separate legal relationship. Same-sex marriages reached their high point in September, when 1,500 took place. Fourteen percent were conducted in Paris, and a quarter in cities of over 200,000 inhabitants. The proportion of same-sex marriages is expected to fall since many couples were thought to be waiting for the legislation to be passed in order to wed. French Gay and Lesbian couples married at an older age than opposite-sex couples. Gay men averaged 50 years of age and Lesbians 43. For straight newly-weds, the average age was 37 for men and 34 for women. INSEE did not speculate whether this difference was due to the fact that until last year same-sex couples were unable to marry, regardless of the age at which they made a commitment to one another. The average age difference in same-sex marriages was eight years in male couples

and 5.5 years in female couple, against 4.3 years in mixed marriages, INSEE reported. Bruno Boileau and Vincent Autin were the first same-sex French couple to marry, which they did in the popular Gay resort town of Montpellier. France legalized same-sex marriage after months of intense and sometimes violent protests, in keeping with an election pledge by Socialist President François Hollande. Hollande’s government faced a huge backlash from the right and the powerful Catholic Church. Some right-wing mayors claimed the right to opt out of performing Gay marriages, citing the French constitution, which stipulates that freedom of conscience is a fundamental human right. Several have refused to conduct Gay marriages on the grounds it goes against their beliefs, but the Constitutional Council, France’s top court, has ruled they must perform marriages – Gay or straight – as part of their legal duties. While Gay and Lesbian couples rushed to get married in 2013, the total number of marriages in France continued to decline. After a steady decline since 2005, the total number of marriages increased slightly to 246,000 in 2012, but dropped again in 2013 to 238,000. President Hollande himself is in a PAC, a civil union, with his partner, Valerie Treirweiler. He was previously in a PAC with fellow Socialist politician, Segolene Royal.

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News 15

by Mike Andrew SGN Staff Writer

nigeria

continued from cover the past two weeks and charged with belonging to a Gay organization. He denied anyone had been tortured and said all 11 – 10 Muslims and one Christian – signed confessions, but that some of them retracted the statements when they were charged by a judge. Sharia, or Islamic law, is implemented to different degrees in nine of Nigeria’s 36 states. President Jonathan is a Christian, but his government is dominated by Muslims from Nigeria’s northern states. According to BBC News, one man, 20year old Mubarak Ibrahim, was punished by a sharia court on January 16, and two other prisoners have had their trials adjourned till January 23. Ibrahim pleaded guilty to the charges, but said he had engaged in Gay sex as a boy seven years ago, and had now stopped doing so. Nevertheless, he was sentenced to 20 lashes and a fine of $30. BBC correspondent Ishaq Khalid said the whipping was immediately carried out in the packed courtroom, with Ibrahim stretched out on a bench. Ibrahim “screamed in pain while being lashed, but was able to walk afterwards,” Khalid said. Ibrahim told BBC that “he was relieved that Judge Nuhu Muhammad had been lenient on him and had not sentenced him to death,” the maximum possible sentence under sharia law. Dorothy Aken’Ova, Executive Director of Nigeria’s International Center for Reproductive Health and Sexual Rights, told AP that a total of 38 Gay men had been arrested, and police have put together a list of 168 suspects. Police originally entrapped four Gay men by inviting them over social media to meet

for sex, then arrested and tortured them until they revealed additional names, she said. Aken’Ova said the arrests began during the Christmas holidays and blamed “all the noise that was going on surrounding the (same sex marriage prohibition) bill.” An AIDS counselor told AP that he helped get bail for the arrestees and confirmed Aken’Ova’s report that 38 were arrested. He said the arrests were sparked by a rumor that the United States paid $20 million to Gay activists to promote same-sex marriage in Nigeria. The AIDS counselor spoke on condition of anonymity for fear he would also be arrested. Aken’Ova’s organization is providing legal services for the men, he added. U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry condemned the new law on January 14. “Beyond even prohibiting same-sex marriage, this law dangerously restricts freedom of assembly, association, and expression for all Nigerians,” Kerry said in a statement. “People everywhere deserve to live in freedom and equality. No one should face violence or discrimination for who they are or who they love.” “It is inconsistent with Nigeria’s international legal obligations and undermines the democratic reforms and human rights protections enshrined in its 1999 Constitution,” he added. Samantha Power, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, characterized the law as a “big setback for human rights for all Nigerians.” The United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights previously condemned the legislation. Jonathan’s spokesperson, Reuben Abati, told AP on January 13, “This is a law that is in line with the people’s cultural and religious inclination. So it is a law that is a reflection of the beliefs and orientation of Nigerian people. ... Nigerians are pleased with it.”

Visit us online www.sgn.org


Google Hangout will highlight educational options during National School Choice Week Digital learning innovator Getting Smart, the International Association for K12 Online Learning, the Christensen Institute for Disruptive Innovation and Digital Learning Now will host leading online educators and experts in a Google Hangout at 4 p.m., January 28. The online event, titled “Digital Learning – Giving Students Choice” will feature speakers Tom Vander Ark, Susan Patrick and John Bailey, who will discuss opportunities for school choice for all students re-

gardless of zip code. The Getting Smart event is one of 5,500 independently planned events taking place during National School Choice Week 2014 – the nation’s largest-ever celebration of educational opportunity. National School Choice Week shines a positive spotlight on effective education options for children – including traditional public schools, public charter schools, magnet schools, private schools, online academies, and homeschooling. If you are interested in taking part on the online Google Hangout session, go to: https://plus.google.com/u/0/events/clv0cs-

google

by Shaun Knittel SGN Associate Editor

John Bailey

gu4g700s2nr6grj0rengs shift to digital holds learning promise for Getting Smart is an advocate for better improved student achievement. K-12 educational options and believes the

Religion & Spirituality A Church for All God’s People – since 1972 www.mccseattle.org Sunday Worship 11:00 am 1415 NE 43rd St. on U-District (206) 325-2421

www.sgn.org

Health and Personal Services SPECIALTIES LGBT Issues Couples Counseling Depression Anger Management Domestic Violence Grief and Loss HIV/AIDS

Gary Sarozek, MA, LMHC 1370 Stewart Street (Across from REI) Seattle WA, 98109

206-619-4187 gsarozek@comcast.net www.garysarozek.com

Que Areste, N.D. Naturopathic Family Physician

206.328.2926 drque@speakeasy.net 1605 12th Avenue, Suite 16 • Seattle, WA 98122

www.sgn.org Rich Full-Bodied Cafes Savory Homestyle Soups & Sandwiches

16 Seattle Gay News

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


health and medicine

Kiki with D

Exes can be difficult

in our life.” She accepted my request, but when I went onto her timeline, it was just full of really hateful things directed at me. (I’m not being paranoid, she mentioned my name a lot.) My boyfriend doesn’t have Facebook so he wasn’t aware of her mean spirited comments. I don’t know what to do. I need to be nice for the sake of my boyfriend and his son, but she is driving me batty with how mean she’s being. I get that I’m the girlfriend and I might be stepping on her toes a bit, but I love both of them very much and have no plans of leaving. However, her bad attitude is shaking my confidence. What can I do so that she’ll maybe even warm up to me a little? –Trying to Keep My Cool Dear Trying to Keep My Cool, Don’t look at her Facebook page, smile when you see her, and let your boyfriend be the communicator. There’s no reason for you to have to reach out to this woman right now. It’s his job to be the go-between, and you can’t break any more ice.

by D Smith SGN Contributing Writer Dear Kiki with D, I’ve been dating this guy, for almost a year and a half. Prior to meeting me, he had a child, with his ex-girlfriend. She ended up cheating on him and they broke up shortly after his son turned 1 – he’s 5 now. His son is shared between both of their houses – more with her than him – but whenever she drops him off at my boyfriend’s place and I’m there, she gives me really mean glances and won’t even speak to me.

Instead of brainstorming ways to warm her up, talk to him about how this will work, if she continues to freeze you out. Will this affect your ability to get close as a couple? What will happen if you decide to move in together? And – are you missing something here? Is there a reason she’s so hostile toward you, even though they broke up years ago? Find out whether he has a plan for keeping the peace as this relationship moves forward. I hate to say it, but sometimes ex relationships are just like this – in perpetuity. Sometimes they don’t get better and people just learn to work around one another, occasionally scowling and eye-rolling and playing nice for the kids. As you talk to him about managing this discomfort, ask yourself whether you can be happy in the relationship, even if it means a lifetime of occasional dirty looks and stepping on toes. It’s never easy, but it’s manageable. Hope this helps. Remember be true to you, love yourself, encourage yourself and others. –D

At first I thought, “All right, I’m the new woman in his life. She has a reason to be upset, if she still has feelings for him.” But as time went on, she wouldn’t ease up, not even a tiny bit. Things actually got worse, with her texting him to see if I was there before dropping their son off. He recommended requesting her as a friend on Facebook, just so I can break the ice and try to be on better terms with his son’s mother. When I did so, I sent along a message stating: “I know we haven’t really got along, but I’d really like to be friends with you, just for the sake of the two men

Legal Services MARTIN SJOLIE Over 20 Years Experience

Last Will, Power of Attorney & Health Care Directive (Living Will)

$500.00/Person or $750.00/Couple for complete, personalized services.

(206) 841–1373 www.sjolielaw.com

Auto accidents, DUI, Small business needs.

www.sgn.org 206-395-2004

1411 4th Ave. #1130 Seattle, WA 98101

Visit us online www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News 17


Home & Specialized Services

Gary D. TorGerson Co. Expert Painting and Repairs Rot Repair: siding, doors, windows, porches and decks.

www.sgn.org

Lead-Safe Certified

See photographs of our work at www.TorgersonCompany.com Email: info@torgersoncompany.com Contractor Registration #: GARYDTC134CJ Phone: 206-781-0999

18 Seattle Gay News

www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Celebrating 41 Years!


MoSS Alley MotorS, Inc. SpecialiStS in VolVo, Honda, toyota and Subaru

932 12th ave. Seattle, Wa 98122 (206).325--.3992 www.mossalley.com Seattle’s most progressive auto shop!

Visit us online www.sgn.org

January 17, 2014

Seattle Gay News 19


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook