FAMILY HEALTH P l a n t a t i o n S p o r t s & A c t i v i t i e s D i r e c t o r y | I s s u e 57 | M a y - M i d A u g u s t 2 0 2 2
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Parenting Children with Disruptive Behaviors E
Dr. Bianca Howard & Dr. David Yudell
very parent faces externalizing behaviors (acts of disruption, aggression, defiance, or anti-social intent) at some point during childhood. Young children are developing the ability to regulate their emotions and impulses, while adolescents are caught between desiring autonomy and dependency on parental figures. Whether you are going through the “terrible twos”, or dealing with an adolescent who believes they know best, parents need to set clear expectations and boundaries allowing children to learn what is expected of them. There is not a “one size fits all” solution, however, research suggests techniques and parenting behaviors which can minimize maladaptive behaviors (tantrums, oppositional / defiant behaviors). Here are some evidenced-based approaches. The Parent-Child Relationship - When children are cooperative it is easier for caregivers to stay engaged in their life. Positive familial interactions foster secure attachments in children leading them to feel loved, safe, and more receptive to parenting behaviors. Warm and accepting parenting styles are consistent predictors of favorable developmental outcomes in children, whereas hostility and rejection predict unfavorable outcomes (Buschgens et al., 2010). Disruptive behaviors cause caregivers to react to their children negatively, leading to excessive punishment or increased disengaged / permissive styles. The question becomes, how does one maintain a healthy and supportive parent-child relationship during times of conflict? Create Clear Expectations - Enforce the strictest boundaries on aggressive and anti-social behavior such as acts which cause physical damage to property, bodily harm, and excessive verbal aggression. Address other types of misbehavior next, asking yourself which behaviors are most disruptive at home, school or to relationships. Children need a clear message on what behavior is not acceptable and will receive a consequence. If a consequence is given it must be followed through on. Consistency is more effective in creating behavior change than giving punitive consequences. It is helpful to predetermine consequences instead of reacting to their child’s behavior in the moment. This will help prevent communicating punishments that are out of proportion in reaction to the negative emotion you are experiencing yourself. Remember to communicate in a supportive way, refraining from using statements that are rejecting, punitive or forbidding. Pick your battles - Try focusing on 3-5 realistic targeted behaviors that you would like to see change. Focus on the behaviors you would like to see from your
child, reinforce and build confidence. Implement a reward system - It is important to reward children with encouraging, positive feedback, but sometimes children need a little more motivation. Would you go to work every day if the only compensation you received was positive praise from your boss? Reward systems help children to learn to think about their behaviors while weighing the costs (i.e., consequence) and benefits (i.e., rewards). It is important to note, the younger the child, the greater the need for immediate gratification and visuals. Remember it is essential to follow through on the agreed reward for each behavior. Talk with your children about their emotions and understand why they push back - Children need to be taught about their emotions to understand there is a connection between their emotions and their behavior. Teach your children ways they can soothe intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or jealousy so there is a greater chance of preventing the occurrence of disruptive behaviors (Dewar, 2020). It is important to explain the reasoning behind certain rules or boundaries and why they are beneficial. Engage in discussions about what is fair and reasonable and try to refrain from statements such as “because I said so” or “I’m the parent and you’re the child”, which do not allow for greater understanding of difference of opinions. Approaching conflict in this manner models effective conflict resolution skills and allows for children to feel heard and that their feelings matter. By creating clear expectations for children to follow, implementing rewards and consequences, as well as teaching children how to cope with their emotions will help decrease the occurrence of disruptive behaviors. By focusing on the overall emotional tone of the relationship, instead of on the details of every disruptive behavior, parents and caretakers are more likely to remain a positive influence with more ability to steer their children’s development over the long-term. For further information and support please contact us at 954-288-9393 or email DrYudell@DrYudell.com.
