Surrounded by Liars
Also by Thomas Erikson
Surrounded by Idiots
Surrounded by Psychopaths
Surrounded by Bad Bosses
Surrounded by Setbacks
Surrounded by Narcissists
Surrounded by Vampires
Surrounded by Liars
How to Stop Lies and Half-truths Ruining Your Life
Thomas Erikson
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Copyright © Thomas Erikson 2024
Translation © Jan Salomonsson 2024
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First published by Vermilion in 2024
Published in the United States by St. Martin’s Essentials, an imprint of St. Martin’s Publishing Group in 2024
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Introduction
Why You Want to Read a Book About Liars
Let me reveal something to you that you’ve probably long suspected: Consultants don’t always know what they’re doing—far from it!
For many years, I worked as a management consultant. The job wasn’t always easy to define, and attempts to describe it would often sound incredibly concrete and exasperatingly airy-fairy all at once. It spanned the range from carrying binders, to meeting with company management at Volvo Cars. One thing that always brought me great enjoyment, however, was a specific kind of workshop that I organized for people of all kinds.
In the 1990s, talk about core values was very much in vogue. Everything seemed to be connected to that. Everybody had to work on their core values. The statement, “If we don’t know our core values, we can’t succeed at anything,” applied even to those who didn’t have a clue if they had any values. Or, perhaps, they didn’t even understand what core values actually were.
But my industry kept promoting the idea. Time to define some core values! Let’s go!
One exercise went something like this: You would gather a group of people within an organization. It could be a management team, or a group of salespeople, or any category of people you had some reason to bring together in the same room. I began by explaining what a core value was, and why the participants would no longer have any hope of achieving anything if they didn’t have at least five or six of them.
Every member of the group wrote down their own suggestions, and then we negotiated our way to a set of shared core values. It might not come as a surprise that these discussions were often lively, especially in rooms with thirty or so people in them.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. The exercise itself is valuable and very rewarding. That wasn’t the issue. The problems began, rather, in the next session, when the time came for the group to define each value one by one. You see, there’s not much value in just producing a bunch of platitudes. I want to keep this brief, but I hope you’ll still allow me to give you a short example.
Ninety percent of the time that I’ve led this exercise (and we’re talking hundreds of times), the word “honesty” is suggested as an important core value.
Honesty!, says the group. Yes. We want that! Everyone nods enthusiastically.
Good, I tell them. Honesty sounds great. Now, de ne what it means, and—speci cally—how a person should behave to demonstrate that they are being 100 percent honest.
Their enthusiasm crumbles more or less immediately. At first, it seems simple. Tell the truth. But then, somebody
realizes that this can be quite tricky. Telling the truth, that is. The truth can be a heavy burden to carry. It can hurt people’s feelings. Cause offense.
What’s the solution? The group discusses this. Eventually, someone figures it out: Tell the truth, as long as it doesn’t risk hurting anybody’s feelings.
The truth, though? What truth? Whose truth? How much of it?
If a customer questions some of our practices—which are mainly for our own benefit anyway—we can’t very well explain what management really thinks of our customers, can we? That’s not information we’ll share voluntarily, by any means.
This is getting complicated. Also, has everyone actually earned the truth from us? Some customers obviously lie to us because they want some kind of advantage. We don’t have to be honest with them, of course. Those devious types deserve whatever’s coming to them, really.
A lengthy debate soon ensues, resulting in a series of unresolved dilemmas.
You get the picture. After some increasingly loud discussions, the group decides to strike honesty from their list of potential core values. They can’t even agree what the blasted word means.
Honesty hasn’t managed to make it to the end of this exercise once in all my times running it.
Why am I telling you this? Because I want to be upfront about one thing right from the start: As I give you my views on truth and lies in this book, it would be remarkable if you were to agree with all of them. For one thing, your own core values are likely to get in the way. For another thing, your
definition of a lie is likely to be different from the one I propose.
Some of you will probably end up throwing this book across the room in disgust because I’m going to make you take a hard look in the mirror and try to answer these questions: Why do you lie? Do you have any idea how your lies impact the people around you?
Other readers will discover things about themselves. And— even more fun!—about others.
The reason why you need this book, however, is that it will give you all you need to spot a liar—whether it’s a close friend or a coworker, your cousin, or your manager. I will also teach you some tactics you can deploy to identify a lie. And this is important, because you don’t want to be deceived, do you?
The tools I’ll be telling you about will be of use to you in all your interactions with other people. And—important— many people will be using these tools in their own interactions with you.
Let’s be honest here—nobody’s perfect.
The strangest thing about lies, I think, is that we all seem to accept them. The extent of this may vary, but I’m quite sure I’ve never met anybody who wants to hear nothing but the truth at all times. The truth is often painful, and the only other option than the truth is, basically, a lie. Right? Besides, we all lie, so nobody can honestly swear that they never resort to this tool.
I spent a long time hesitating over whether to write this book—it was actually on my list of upcoming projects for several years—and the difficulties were evident from the very beginning. My publisher told me that I would have to define
what a lie is from the start, or I’d have a hard time making any useful points.
I suppose that’s fair, really.
But it didn’t take long before I found myself bogged down in issues ranging from white lies to half-truths. Or embellished truths. Or my truths. Or alternative facts. Statistics. Fake news and political correctness, which don’t tolerate being questioned, or data manipulated to promote specific viewpoints. It’s all a great big mess. Social media, other media. Whom can we really trust?
But I couldn’t resist. This book was demanding to be written. I wanted to explore the subject once and for all. I will be opening the door to a world of manipulation, untrustworthiness, deception, and lies. But we will also encounter the truths we need to navigate the complex landscapes that each and every one of us find ourselves in today.
In this book I’ll be teaching you how to detect a lie, how to expose a liar, and how to confront them with the truth.
But—I’ll also be showing you how to stick to the truth yourself, to the best of your ability. Because, as we just saw, honesty is no simple matter. Although we all agree that it’s important, we also know the countless problems that lurk ahead. And we all compromise the truth, practically at the first opportunity.
I mean this.
For once, I’ll be speaking the literal truth when I say we’re surrounded by . . . liars.
Because everybody lies. Even you. Even me.
However, perhaps we could do it a little less, and dare to
be a little more honest . . . ? Assuming we knew how. And why. So let’s head off on this adventure with our fingers firmly crossed behind our backs.
A disclaimer is in order here: You’re not going to agree with all of this. Some of the things I bring up may even upset you. If that happens, know that it was never my intention, although I must admit that I’d much rather have you react that way than just set the book aside and think, So what?
Welcome to this refreshing journey into the fascinating world of lies and deception.
A Reflection on Lies
I am sorry if you don’t like my honesty, But to be fair— I don’t like your lies.
—UNKNOWN
Many take pleasure in lying just a bit. It’s a way of adding some spice to everyday life, and getting away with it can be a thrill. Big lie, small lie, nobody caught me, ha-ha, I win. Managing to convince somebody to believe in an untruth can be particularly tempting, especially if you spend a great deal of your time in moral gray areas.
In today’s fast-paced society, the thrill of not telling the truth has become greater than ever. After all, you get more or less instant feedback. Pathological lying, manipulation, and fraud have undeniably become common elements of human interactions. Regardless of whether it’s a matter of fabricating upsetting news to gain attention, distorting and intentionally misinterpreting statistics to support one’s own convictions, or
repeatedly resorting to white lies to avoid embarrassment, the line between truth and deceit is becoming increasingly unclear.
DOES EVERYBODY LIE?
No. There is no irrefutable, statistical evidence that shows that everybody lies. Claiming otherwise would be a filthy lie. But it’s still a reasonable assumption, based on my own experiences of human beings. I honestly don’t think you’d disagree. And we know it’s true, really. Everybody does a little lying here and there. It keeps things nice and simple.
I’m ne, thanks.
That dress really suits you.
I love you, too.
I’m on my way.
Oh! I didn’t see you!
No, I don’t mind.
I’d definitely say that it’s reasonable to claim that we all lie a little from time to time.
However harsh this truth might sound, lying is actually fairly instinctive, and very common. If you’re thinking, No, I don’t lie!, I’d advise you to read through the examples above another time. And then, accept the truth.
Our reasons for lying will vary from person to person, of course, and from situation to situation. We might lie to defend ourselves, avoid a conflict, impress somebody, keep a secret, or win social approval by presenting ourselves in a flattering light.
Most often, we lie to protect people’s feelings, and to keep
them secure and happy. To some extent, these white lies and tiny omissions can even be justified. They might even benefit our relationships—that’s what psychological research suggests, anyway.
If we presume, then, that anything that’s less than 100 percent true must be a lie, the matter is settled. Sometimes we’re asked questions about our inner feelings, and simply can’t respond truthfully. Some things are too painful to admit, so we hope we’ll get away with fudging the truth.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
However, things are rarely that simple.
Imagine a father lying to his eight-year-old daughter. That sounds like a dreadful thing to do. But suppose she has lost her favorite toy, and he saw it being crushed under the wheel of a car. He doesn’t want to break her heart, so he tells her that it went to the toy hospital, and that it will be back once it’s well/ mended.
All quite innocent, really. The dad is lying to protect his daughter from pain. It’s actually a compassionate lie. Even though his intentions are good, it’s important to strike the right balance between protecting her feelings and letting her process what has happened and learn to manage some degree of pain. Life can be painful, after all. And challenges are inevitably going to pop up.
The little girl will soon be asking about her toy. Perhaps she’ll want to visit it at the toy hospital—that’s what people do, isn’t it?
This will leave her dad with two options: He can either tell the truth and admit that he made the whole thing up—not
fun, perhaps, but honest, at least. Or he can fabricate new lies to counteract the consequences of his initial lie.
Soon, he’ll be caught up in a web of fraud and deceit that will be hard to escape, however good his initial intentions may have been.
Or, how about this example:
When I was in middle school, a classmate of mine told her best friend that his drawing had been selected for the school exhibition. In fact, it had not. While she did want to see him happy, she was also keen to divert his attention while she tried to get her own artwork selected for the same exhibition. The idea was that if his work had already been selected, he wouldn’t work as hard on it, and this would in turn improve her own chances.
That particular lie rested on a mixture of good and selfish intentions. She wanted to make her friend happy, but most of all, she wanted to benefit herself. Lies like this can bring temporary rewards, but they also risk harming trust in the long run.
And that’s the problem, I guess. Lies are double-edged swords. Sometimes they are told to protect people and grant them temporary sanctuary from the brutality of the truth. Other times, though, they are told for personal gain, out of jealousy, or to manipulate.
Most lies aren’t malicious in intent, of course, but all lies bring consequences sooner or later.
Fake News and the Infamous Troll Farms
Once, the public trusted what they read in the newspapers, but that was a long time ago. These days, nothing is a given,
and there are probably many among us who would prefer to see everything with their own two eyes to get a better grasp of events. For instance, take the case of fake news. This is supposedly factual reporting that is actually inaccurate, or that has been deceptively presented in order to confuse the recipient, making it impossible for them to tell what’s true and what isn’t. This is one of the reasons why so many people no longer watch the news on television. Their sense is that they have no idea how truthful the reporting really is.
The fact that most of the reports, day in and day out, are about dreadful events—the kind that attract clicks and readers or viewers—makes many people feel that news reports only depress them. When I think about this, it makes me very angry.
My thesis is that the people who make the algorithms that control our actions in social media have great insight into how people function, but seem to completely lack insight into how social media impacts us. Or they simply don’t care about the consequences, as long as they make a profit.
Be that as it may, the advent of digital platforms has exposed us to a daily deluge of news and information. Unfortunately, many less-than-honest individuals and institutions have realized the power of fabricating and disseminating narratives to deceive and manipulate public opinion.
Some often find themselves competing for the latest, juiciest details of a story, and never stop to consider how dubious they actually seem. This prevalence of fake news actively incentivizes the distribution of untruths, which further increases the reach of alternative narratives designed to favor some agenda or other.
Fake news also exploits people’s innate curiosity. It plays
on our emotions and values to generate clicks and engagement. Fake reports on the deaths of prominent celebrities or the scandalous misdeeds of politicians give rise to extensive controversy. We needn’t name names here. Whatever your political convictions may be, you can safely presume that the party you support also twists the truth from time to time. These particular examples might seem reasonably innocent. However, there are also “troll farms,” which do nothing but produce propaganda disguised as news, and fill it with controversial claims about this, that, and the other. In Saint Petersburg, Russia, the Internet Research Agency, a troll farm, works full time to promote the interests of Russian president Vladimir Putin and smear the United States and Ukraine. Among other things, their campaigns are thought to have contributed to the public perceptions that allowed Donald Trump to win the US presidential election of 2016. True or false?
Opinions differ.
Science Is Always Truthful?
Oh boy! In a world that runs on data, statistics and scientific results serve as the basis for all kinds of convincing arguments and opinions intended to form public opinion and garner broad public support. A common argument used against different ideas is that they aren’t based on science . When people decide not to believe something, they will tend to disbelieve even the evidence of their own eyes unless it’s backed up and confi rmed by at least half a million scientifi c studies.
The curious thing is that people who look to science when forming their opinions in one field are perfectly prepared to
disregard scientific evidence when it comes to other opinions they happen to hold. How is this possible? We’ll be taking a look at different aspects of how emotions and opinions influence human beings who have IQs greater than their shoe sizes later on in this book. You see, we aren’t rational beings.
But what about statistics? They’re always accurate, aren’t they? Numbers never lie and all that? Well, to some extent. Two plus two is still four. But liars use numbers too. Statistics are sometimes presented in highly deceptive ways, and this makes it increasingly hard to trust “facts.”
Anybody who favors a certain position or opinion might be tempted to distort or selectively represent statistics in ways that shine a positive light on their own beliefs. This kind of manipulation tends to happen when somebody feels that their ideology matters more than the factual truth. They want to present the facts a certain way, however obvious it might be to everybody else that it doesn’t make sense. So they fudge the numbers and selectively look for evidence that supports their fictional truth.
Suppose, for example, that statistics showed that people of a specific ethnicity were seriously overrepresented when it comes to certain kinds of criminal behavior. This kind of information could be related in different ways, to serve different interests. Somebody who wants better funding for integration projects and job market initiatives might use this statistic to promote those ideas. However, it’s far from unthinkable that the same data could be used by somebody who would rather address the situation by emphasizing ethnic differences. What should the media do then? Refrain from reporting on it?
The temptation not to tell the truth, however, tends not to have such far-reaching consequences. Small, seemingly harmless lies (often referred to as “white lies”) can find their
way into our daily interactions too. White lies mostly stem from a fear of confrontation or a desire not to cause discomfort. They can also become a bad habit, something we resort to whenever the truth is uncomfortable. Although the intentions here will tend to be good, the consequence of this behavior is that we grow accustomed to dishonesty, and this hinders genuine understanding in the long run.
I’ll return to all these varieties of lies later on and expand on this discussion. There’s plenty more to say.
ON THE PERSONAL LEVEL
To steer clear of all the pitfalls related to lying, we need to recalibrate both our social values and our individual senses of responsibility. The path to honesty and sincerity probably begins with self-awareness and critical thinking.
We would probably all do well to question ourselves a little more often. As habitual consumers of excessive amounts of information, we need to give ourselves the time and resources to critically evaluate data and news that are presented to us. We need to take the time to fact-check and evaluate sources, avoid hasty and emotionally dictated conclusions, and see fake news for what it is.
Now, you might be thinking to yourself that that’s impossible. Who has time for all that?
Well, that’s my point. The sources of all the nonsense that washes over us are very aware of this, too. So they simply pour more of it out, fully confident that some of it is bound to actually stick.
At this point, we’d do well to remember what Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s Reich minister of propaganda, said: Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth.
“You
Don’t Love Me Anymore”
Here’s an example we might take a closer look at: A man’s wife asks him why he doesn’t love her anymore. Uh-oh. But why is she asking him this? And what should he say? The obvious answer is that of course he loves his wife. The reason for her question is that she feels he hasn’t been giving her enough attention lately. And that might be true, for whatever reason. He might have been ruminating on his own problems too much. So she tells him that she doesn’t think he loves her anymore.
This could very well be a lie. She might realize that he actually does love her but feels a need for some affection. And worst of all, he insists that he loves her more than ever, even though at that very moment he’s feeling deeply annoyed that she’s questioning him. This kind of behavior is precisely what makes him feel less affectionate toward his wife. He might even be lying. Perhaps he’s just tired of her.
The wife repeats her thesis: You don’t love me anymore.
She does this despite knowing that he’s been going through a long busy spell, and that this is probably why he’s forgotten all about flowers and affection. How should I know?
Again, her husband repeats that she is his number one priority, lying again. He’s been spending a great deal of time at work. So now, he lists various reasons for his behavior, all designed to suit this particular moment.
Soon the two are embroiled in an emotional battle of attrition that neither of them can hope to win.
The simple solution, of course, would be for the woman to say that she doesn’t feel loved when her husband spends so much time at work. And he could have replied by saying something about how he understood this, and how he was going to try to act in ways that showed her how important she is to him in the future. How about a date on Friday?
Wouldn’t that be a lot easier? Ten seconds later, they’d both feel very relieved. (I hope you’re taking notes.)
More Reasons to Lie
I’m sure all of us, at some point, have had a question from our boss and chosen to lie right to their face.
The report is almost nished, I’ll have it on your desk on Wednesday.
Nobody answered when I called.
Sorry I’m late, the tra c was horrendous today.
My son has mumps, so I can’t come to the conference.
Now, naturally, there are lies that are fully well-intentioned. Our parents teach us to thank our hosts for dinner and say how much we loved it, even if it tasted like roadkill. We’re expected to remark on what a lovely home our Aunt Agatha has, even when Aunt Agatha’s wallpaper is the kind that gives you nightmares. Morally, and ethically, being kind and polite is sometimes more important than being truthful.
We tell people we care about that you’ll do ne, even when we seriously doubt how fine they will actually do.
So yes, certainly. Lies of certain kinds fulfill some kind of
social function, and sometimes save relationships from becoming difficult.
IS HONESTY REALLY THE BEST POLICY?
Well . . . as I mentioned earlier, honesty is of vital importance in establishing trust and forming healthy relationships. There’s no doubt that many people in history have claimed that nobody can live entirely without deceit, and this leads us to the claim that everybody lies in some way, or in some degree.
However, perhaps we ought not fully condemn all statements that deviate from the truth. There is a wide spectrum here, ranging from casual exaggerations to more serious deception involving fabrications and outright lies. Although most of us are perfectly able to make the odd, harmless embellishment in the interest of keeping relationships harmonious or protecting someone’s feelings, this doesn’t mean that everybody lies to an equal extent in all situations. I’ve read many studies that suggest people actually tend to lie quite rarely in general, and usually reserve deceit for strategic purposes.
Honesty requires good intentions, while deceitful behavior tends to be caused by a variety of factors. In some cases, lies can be instinctive reactions, motivated by a fear of seeming judgmental or suffering negative consequences. We simply have to accept the fact that not everybody lies with malicious intent. At least, that is, you and I don’t. Ha, ha. Human relationships are built on trust, and this makes
dishonest behavior quite harmful in general. An individual’s sincerity and reliability can only be appreciated through long-term interactions, and lying tends to gradually weaken our trust. It impacts the social dynamic. And that only makes sense, really. Who wants to spend time around a liar?
Our Culture Influences the Ways We Lie . . .
Geography and upbringing can have a great influence on how people from a certain country feel about lying and truthfulness. For instance, cultures that emphasize respect, like those of East Asian nations, are keenly focused on values like virtue and ethics. Consequently, they emphasize the need for honesty and stress the importance of cultivating and promoting trust. Conversely, cultures like those of Western societies that place an emphasis on situational needs, that is, prioritizing doing what’s best for yourself in each particular situation, display a greater frequency of lying.
The question of who speaks the truth in criminal circles is an interesting one. A collection of gangsters that includes a fair number of psychopaths and sociopaths who make a living lying and deceiving others—what kind of culture do they breed? Lies and deception are so deeply integrated into that world that I find it hard to believe that anybody who lives in it could ever trust anybody else. It’s difficult for a law-abiding citizen to picture what it’s like to have that point of view.
There are also plenty of examples of cultures in history where truth tellers have been rather unappreciated. Criticizing the government, for example, is fine in my part of the world, but less accepted in a dictatorship.
During the communist rule in former East Germany, society was governed by fear for decades. Close to one citizen in three was supposedly an informer for the state in some capacity or other, and as a result, everybody lied about absolutely everything absolutely all the time. Nobody dared take responsibility for anything, as this could involve the serious risk that the wrong people might find out how you felt about some issue or other.
Some cultures are also, undoubtedly, more corrupt than others, and corruption doesn’t provide a good foundation for truthfulness beyond one’s own front door.
Even here in little Sweden, which is a reasonably wellfunctioning society, we experience difficulties caused by lying. Now, our problems might certainly seem rather quaint from an international point of view. Here, traditionally, boasting about your own success has always been frowned upon.
If you happen to be more successful than the people around you find acceptable, you’d do well to expect somebody to try to knock you down a peg or two. If you make a lot of money, many will simply assume you’ve taken it from others, rather than earning it over years of hard work, at considerable risk. This attitude is reflected in the Law of Jante (whose creator was Danish-Norwegian), which essentially requires us to keep quiet about our personal achievements to make sure we won’t annoy people too much.
What follows is rule 7 from the Law of Jante:
You’re not to think you are good at anything.
What is the effect of this depressing attitude? How did you land that well-paid position? Who do you know there?
What’s the answer to that?
Ah, I just got lucky.
Under no circumstances should you admit that you’ve worked your arse off for nine years. It’s quite strange, to put it mildly. But whatever else it is, it is a lie.
. . . And Sometimes It’s Okay to Lie
What conclusion can we draw from all this? Perhaps this one: Even though it can actually be claimed that dishonesty exists literally everywhere, we tend to overlook the specific causes of this dishonesty. Because of this, it would perhaps be a little unfair of me to simply claim that everybody lies without taking into account the multifaceted and genuinely complex dynamics that determine human behavior. All people are capable of honesty, and the truest measure of character is how frequently a person decides to genuinely embrace and prioritize honesty. I find it all to be rather clear: I have a lot more respect for somebody who has the ability to lie their way out of a situation— but refrains from doing so—than I have for somebody who is simply incapable of lying. Consider that.
USEFUL KNOWLEDGE— THE FOUR COLORS
Differences in human behavior and personality traits are, as always, incredibly interesting and fascinating. So let’s investigate whether there might be any connections between specific behavior patterns and lies. As you may be aware, I have written several books that discuss the DISC model and the four colors. If you’ve already read those books and consider yourself an expert on this theory, you might not need to read
the following section. However, I’d like to suggest you give yourself a quick refresher anyway, just to make sure you’ll feel at home when I refer to the colors later on in this book.
Let’s go!
A Clever Approach to Discussing Human Behavior
You may have heard of the method in which human behavior is categorized using four different colors: red for dominance, yellow for inspiration, green for stability, and blue for conscientiousness. These are the basic ideas of the DISC theory, which is used all over the world.
As you can see here (Figure A), each quadrant covers two dimensions: task versus people orientation, and extroversion versus introversion. The colors are simply memory aids. Think of them as a learning tool. It’s easier to remember that a behavior is Red-Yellow than it would be to remember that it is high in D
ART #A
Figure A
over I with low C. The letter D stands for dominance, I for inspiration, S for stability, and C for conscientiousness.
Each color combines two dimensions at once, which means that a color is actually a combination of two measures. It simply depends on which axis you’re on. Look at the figure below (Figure B). Here, you can see who is more task-oriented or more person-oriented. You can also see who is extroverted and active, and who is introverted and more passive.
Once we understand what each axis represents, we can see the different colors for what they are.
There are digital tools that can determine how much of each color a certain individual’s behavior exhibits. The result of this is a graph that indicates their profile—that is, the main characteristics of their behavior as defined in terms of the DISC model. Even if somebody were to have a certain color dominate their behavioral pro le, there would still be a number of interpretations left to make depending on the how much of each of the other colors is present.
ART #B
Figure B
I’m often asked if there are really only four kinds of people. The answer is very simple: of course not. As we can see in the figure above, while Red is always Red, it can still mean lots of different things. An individual who is in the top right corner would be very Red—perhaps exclusively Red. This means, then, that this individual would behave a certain way. We’ll be able to understand what makes them tick almost immediately. On the other hand, somebody who is in the bottom left corner of the Red quadrant would appear different in certain ways. The position you’re at on each axis will jointly determine your behavioral pro le. This is, then, only a matter of how to describe the various basic ingredients.
As you’re no doubt noticing, I’m going to some effort to highlight the phrase behavioral pro le. It’s important to remember that this model isn’t a personality test. It is a self-assessment tool that describes behaviors.
Behaviors are the things that the people around an individual see and hear them do. Personality is always on a far deeper level than behavior. In order to define somebody’s personality, you’d have to supplement the DISC analysis with other methods. The model doesn’t in any way consider an individual’s drive, motivations, interests, intelligence, abilities, or skills. It also doesn’t address gender, sibling position, hypersensitivity, or diagnoses like ADHD or ASD (autism spectrum disorder).
I’m not making any claims as to whether the DISC theory is the best model ever; I’m content to focus exclusively on giving you a good description of how this particular model works. When used correctly, I am convinced that it is very useful for anybody who wants to understand human behavior and gain self-awareness.
The reason why I originally chose to write about the DISC theory in my first book, Surrounded by Idiots, is that the model is in use worldwide. It is practiced on all continents and has been translated into more than fifty languages. According to Selinus University, about thirty million DISC analyses had been performed worldwide by 2013. How many have been done now, more than ten years later? I don’t know, but I’m willing to guess that it’s a lot.
In Figure C, I list a variety of different characteristics that can usually be associated with each color. However, this list is only a guideline. The fact that thinks on their feet is listed under Yellow should not be taken to mean that an individual who displays more of the other colors is unable to improvise. It simply means that thinking on their feet is particularly characteristic of people with Yellow behavior. They tend to do it a lot of the time.
There is also an overlap between some of the colors. Red and Yellow possess more active qualities, while Green and Blue tend to have more passive qualities. This doesn’t in any way mean that any color is better than any other—just that they are different.
Looking at the Green column reveals a number of characteristics that I think very few people would say they identified completely with. Somebody who displays nothing but these kinds of behaviors would be considered a full introvert with an exclusive people orientation. This is a more detailed description of Green behavior, but exhibiting all these characteristics should only be expected of somebody who ends up in the extreme bottom left of Figure B. The farther to the right we go in that quadrant, the fewer Green characteristics would be obvious to others, and instead, a variety of Yellow charac-
Driven
Ambitious
Strong-willed
Determined
Forward-moving
Problem-solver
Innovator
Decisive
Inventive
Impatient
Controlling
Convincing
Performanceoriented
Forceful
Results-oriented
Takes initiative
Keeps a high pace
Time-conscious
Intense
Imposing
Talkative
Enthusiastic
Persuasive
Creative
Optimistic
Sociable
Quick thinker
Expressive
Charming
Vivacious
Self-centered
Sensitive
Adaptive
Inspiring
Attention-seeking
Encouraging
Communicative
Flexible
Open-minded
Relationshiporiented
Patient
Relaxed
Controlled Reliable
Calm and collected
Loyal
Modest
Understanding
Fastidious
Steady
Careful
Discrete
Supportive
Good listener
Helpful
Honors
commitments
Durable
Cautious
Considerate
Kind
Nurturing
Orderly
Distant
Polite
Conventional
Hesitant
Objective
Structured
Analytical
Perfectionist
Slow-paced
Reflective
Methodical
Facts-oriented
Quality-oriented
Scrutinizes
Stickler for the rules
Logical
Questioning
Meticulous
teristics would present alongside a set of the Green ones. If you end up in the opposite corner of Figure B, that is, the top right corner of the Red quadrant, that would make you an extroverted
Figure C
individual who is highly task- and object-oriented. While people like this do exist, they aren’t too common. Most Red types will end up in some other part of the Red quadrant of the chart.
In statistical terms, only about 5 percent of the population would display just one single color in a DISC analysis. This is the reason why so few people identify themselves as being, say, exclusively Yellow or exclusively Blue. They exist, but they’re quite rare.
It’s a sensible premise that people are too complex to be fully described by a few sentences on a sheet of paper—but we shouldn’t ignore the things we can actually learn. It’s true that we can probably never understand another individual 100 percent, but it’s also true that we can document quite a lot . . . we just need to maintain awareness of the fact that we won’t be giving a full description of them.
Here are some things I need to point out about DISC theory:
• Not all aspects of an individual’s behavior can be explained in terms of DISC.
• There are many other models that can be used to describe human behavior.
• The colors aren’t the only pieces of the puzzle we need to chart various patterns of behavior.
• The DISC model is based on psychological studies, is used all over the world, and is available in about fifty different languages.
• Statistically, about 80 percent of people display some combination of two dominant colors in their
behavior. About 5 percent display a single dominant color. The rest display some combination of three colors. The author of this book is one of these, and this fact can sometimes cause no end of problems.
• Fully Green behavior, or Green combined with another color, is the most common. The least common is fully Red behavior or Red combined with another color.
• There are certain gender-specific differences in behavior.
There are always exceptions to the examples I give in this book. If you want to explore this model in greater depth, I’d like to refer you to Surrounded by Idiots, which is dedicated to these subjects.
When it comes to lies, of course, it can be very useful to know what to expect from the people you encounter. This simple color system offers a convenient way of avoiding the worst pitfalls. As you read this book and do your own reflections on lying, consider your own colors, as well as the colors of the people around you. Perhaps they’re not even lying— maybe you’re simply misunderstanding them. Or maybe they’re misunderstanding you.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU LIED?
Well, when was the last time you lied? There’s no way I could know this. Perhaps you lied this morning when you told your
neighbor you wouldn’t at all mind picking their children up from day care. You’ll do it, certainly—you did promise, after all. In that sense, you’re reliable. But given the fact that you usually find getting your own little darlings home late in the afternoon to be quite a handful, just the thought of having to try to herd another pair of mischievous rascals into the car is giving you a bit of a tummy ache. They’re not even yours! They’ll be tired, and grotty, and as they are someone else’s children, you won’t even be able to raise your voice to them.
Who were you trying to deceive, really? Surely you didn’t want to have to do this?
Relax! I get it. We all help one another out. But a more truthful answer might have been this: I’ll bring your kids home, too, even though it’ll give me a migraine and gastritis and frankly be quite a pain. Having four exhausted little hooligans in my car isn’t really what I need late on a Thursday, particularly considering what happened last time. The four of them practically tore our home apart. I sincerely hope you’ll be returning this favor. Preferably tomorrow.
Now there’s a full truth! But sure, you’ll help them out! Again, when was the last time you lied?
Did you answer honestly when your partner asked if you’d like to go visit the Johnsons this weekend?
Did you answer honestly when your boss asked why you were late to the meeting yesterday?
Did you answer honestly when the police officer asked you if you knew how fast you were driving?
Did you answer honestly when your son asked why you couldn’t play football with him?
Did you answer honestly when somebody asked how you’ve been doing?