Shoka Magazine June 2024

June

1, 2024

This month’s Shoka Magazine includes an article on bullying excerpted from Dr. Greg Moody’s new book Bullying Truths, Myths, and What to Do! Bullying is a serious problem. One out of every 3 kids are involved in bullying in one way or another. Bullying can lead to serious problems for the kid who is being bullied such as: anxiety, lower academic achievement, depression, physical ailments, suicidal ideation, in some cases suicide for kids who are bullied or mass murders to get even with those who did the bullying. And this is just a partial list. To make matters worse there is confuse over how to manage conflict and actual violence. All three violence, conflict, and abuse (bullying) need to be understood and handled differently. Please read the article and if you’re interested in digging deeper you can get a copy of his book on Amazon. I’ve known Dr. Moody for several years and have always found his insights to be valuable.

• Sat. June 15th Father’s Day Classes – we can’t leave the dads out!

• Sat. June 29th Women’s Self Defense Class 12n – 1:30 pm

• July 4th Holiday Closure (Wed. July 3rd to Sunday July 7th)

Welcome to our new and returning students: Audie Hernandez, Guilietta Gonzalez, Stella Gutierrez, Giovanni Scalfaro, Anayeli Ortuno, Missael Flores, Jayce Relota, Woody Clark, Johnny Giroux, Zacharia Butler

Here’s what’s in it this month’s Shoka Magazine:

• Bullying – It’s Different by Chief Master Greg Moody, 8th Degree Black Belt

• Enjoying Piano

• 20 Stoic Principles

Yours truly,

Marty Callahan, Chief Instructor, 8th Degree Black Belt, Speaker, Award Winning Author of The Hero’s Journey Act I – The Separation

Shotokan Karate Leadership School® 3082 Marlow Road B1, Santa Rosa, CA 95403

707-575-1681-ph, 707-861-0092-txt

Chapter I Bullying – It’s Different

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

So why do we care about bullying? Isn’t this just a problem of “kids being kids” engaging in normal rough housing that they outgrow? First, there is a lot of conflict with kids, “rough housing”, arguing (about toys, about who did what, about... everything), tattling, pushing, shoving, yelling, fighting, breaking things, mistakes... it’s a really long list! This happens all the time, every day, and it often happens between two or more kids. This is called conflict. And even worse, beyond conflict, when someone is in danger of injury or death is what we’d define as violence.

That’s why it’s hard to tell the difference between bullying and conflict, and further still, when it escalates into violence.

Bullying is a bad thing, but the confusion between what IS and ISN’T bullying is part of the problem.

Understanding Types of Conflict

There are three conflict types: violence, abuse (bullying), and ordinary conflict. All three are important but different.

Violence is when conflict is escalated to the point where there is danger of serious injury or death.

Conflict is when people are arguing, fighting, or disagreeing – which can be minor or even appear violent. There are four main categories of conflict: preference, perception, pressure, and process problems. It could be a conflict about a difference of opinion (preference problem), conflict about seeing the same issue from a different point of view (perception problem), a difference in how they communicate (process problem), and finally, conflict can arise if two (or more) people are under so much stress that they just fight about a topic because it’s a difficult environment (pressure problem). Conflict strategies at a minimum require de-escalation (lowering the level of conflict) or conflict resolution with communication and problem solving to gain solutions and agreements between parties. Successful conflict resolution improves personal relationships, builds warmth and teamwork (de-escalation doesn’t).

Conflict and Violence Strategies are Incompatible

These situations, and the strategies to resolve the, are completely different. If we try to use conflict resolution strategies when someone is threatening serious injury that’s likely going to get someone hurt. When someone is threatening you with a knife, it’s better to run than to improve your communication. Likewise, if you are arguing with your boss over the best way to manage the budget, it’s a really bad idea to punch them in the face (while that may be recommended sometimes with the knife attack).

Now that you understand these differences, as you learn the deep truths about bullying, you’ll understand how the rules for bullying are incompatible with violence and conflict. We’re not going to get rid of all conflict or violence, just as we’re not going to get rid of all bullying. It’s important to know that when people are in these different situations, there are different rules to follow to resolve or manage them.

If you’ve seen kids, you’ve seen them getting into an argument. You’ve seen them fight. The problem is it’s hard for people to know the difference and identify bullying.

Why Do We Care About Bullying In Particular?

Why is bullying different and why do we care so much? It’s different because is two kids have conflict they resolve it, they don’t resolve it, or maybe an adult helps (in an adult case of conflict maybe your boss or even the court helps). In bullying, it can result in the kid who’s bullied having:

• Anxiety (three times more anxiety than kids who aren’t bullied)

• Lower academic achievement than kids who aren’t bullied

• Depression (four to eight times more than kids who aren’t bullied)

• Physical ailments (headaches, they get sick more, sleep problems...)

• Suicidal ideation

• In some cases, kids who are bullied commit suicide (unfortunately, it just takes a quick internet search to find the latest case...)

And that’s a partial list. The problem is that bullying has different outcomes than conflict. Bullying outcomes – because it’s a form of abuse – are similar to domestic violence and physical or sexual abuse, and the effects can last through the child’s life, affecting their personality, their work life, and their mental health forever!

NOTE: This is an excerpt from Bullying Truths, Myths, and What to Do! Greg Moody is recognized across the country as one of the nation’s top martial arts instructors. He has a bachelor’s degree in engineering from Arizona State University, a Master’s Degree in Counseling from ASU’s Education college and a Ph.D. in Curriculum and Instruction with specialization in special education and counseling psychology. He’s the national expert on the relationship between bullying and martial arts. He is a certified trainer in the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program.

This excerpt has been edited for brevity.