Issuu

Volume 9 Issue 26 Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Check out community events Page 14

Matthew Shepard’s parents find healing through activism

NEWS

Nicky Awards … and the winners are

w RESTAURANT REVIEW

Grand Opening for Ad Libitum in Hillcrest

THEATER

’ t h g i N t n ‘Sile

The San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus performs “Silent Night” solely in sign language at its holiday “Jingle” concert at the Balboa Theatre on Dec. 15. (Courtesy of Gary Payne Photography)

San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus takes holiday music to a higher level Albert H. Fulcher | Editor

Holiday classic now playing at the Cygnet

OUT & ABOUT

Marc Matys stood center stage in his black tuxedo and white gloves. The orchestra softly played “Silent Night” as he began to perform the first verse in sign language. When the verse ended — which was absolutely captivating — the

crowd waited for the rest of the San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus to blend in with their harmonious tones. Instead, the theater went silent. The chorus, all in white gloves, joined in superb harmony and precision, signing “Silent Night” together. In this moment of heavenly peace, not a sound could be heard through

Index Opinion ................................... 6 Classifieds............................ 13 Business & Services ............ 13

the entire theater. But it only took a glance to your left or your right to see the mesmerized faces and tears flowing. This brilliant artistic direction took this chorus to a superior level in musicality that left the audience staggered in awe.

see Men’s Chorus, pg 9

Puzzle ................................... 14

Atkins, Gloria and Weber tackle poverty, housing and homelessness Albert H. Fulcher | Editor

A festive night of music, food and charity themed the fifth annual Holiday Party, Legislative

see Legislative, pg 4

(l to r) Assembly members Dr. Shirley Weber, Todd Gloria and Dreams for Change Safe Parking Program CEO Dr. Teresa Smith at the Holiday Party Legislative Update and Gift-raiser at the State Building in Downtown on Dec. 12. (Photo by Albert H. Fulcher)

Advertising 619-961-1958 mike@sdcnn.com

www.sdcnn.com San Diego Community News Network

A little over two decades ago, Matthew Shepard was a 21-year-old college student in Laramie, Wyoming. He was interested in the theater, politics, the Episcopal Church, and in standing up for equal treatment of every person without regard to personal characteristics. He was exploring all the possibilities of a bright future. But on the night of Oct. 6, 1998, Matthew Shepard was brutally beaten after being kidnapped during a robbery, sustaining injuries that claimed his life five days later. Matthew’s parents, Judy and Dennis Shepard, dealt with their grief and loss by initiating the Matthew Shepard Foundation on Matthew’s first birthday following his death, Dec. 1, 1998. The foundation persisted through 20 years, dedicated to supporting and providing protections to other LGBT youths. Judy and Dennis Shepard visited Downtown on Dec. 16, to appear for a forum at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church.

see Shepard, pg 2 Always Dependable, Always There for You, Always Prepared

Editorial/Letters 619-961-1960 albert@sdcnn.com

(Courtesy of the Matthew Shepard Foundation)

By B. J. Coleman

Legislative update Raising joy with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

On the night of Oct. 6, 1998, Matthew Shepard was brutally beaten after being kidnapped during a robbery, sustaining injuries that claimed his life five days later.

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FROM PAGE 1

SHEPARD At the forum, they spoke about their story, memories, and maintaining their lost son’s legacy. “We had a gay son, and we were proud of him,” Dennis Shepard said. “We have a straight son, and we are proud of him.” Judy Shepard serves as the Foundation’s president. “Judy, she is my hero,” Dennis Shepard said. He added that he looks at all young people now as “kids, my kids.” He further noted that his son Matthew made a great impact on the world, and most of that change happened while he was not here. “It is important to accept your

children, no matter what,” Judy Shepard said. The Shepard parents outlined some of the changes that have occurred over the course of 20 years — things that Matthew was unable to experience himself. Before his death, Matthew contemplated joining the military, but he could not. He wanted to put a photo of his boyfriend on his workplace desk, without risking being fired, but he could not. He thought of adopting a homeless child, but he could not. He likely would have wanted to put his partner on medical insurance policies and guarantee hospital visits for each other, but he could not. “Both our sons were born in Casper, Wyoming. Why were they not equal?” Dennis

Shepard asked. Audience members were familiar with the Matthew Shepard story, plying the Shepard parents with well-informed questions. What about the interment at the National Cathedral earlier this year? Judy Shepard replied that in the spring, the Foundation received a request from the Smithsonian Institution for memorabilia about their son, also suggesting a memorial service for Matthew at the National Cathedral. The Shepard family had the ashes from Matthew’s cremation, because their son Logan expressed deep concern about whether a scattering site or interment location would become a target of vandalism. When the possibility arose of placing the ashes in the

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(l to r) Judy and Dennis Shepard speak to community members at an open forum update on the Matthew Shepard Foundation at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church on Dec. 16 (Photo by B. J. Coleman) National Cathedral crypt, the Shepard’s agreed that it was a “brilliant idea.” They originally wanted to keep the event private, but Washington representatives requested reconsideration. The ceremony was then opened to the public. “We found that new friends could attend and become part of our family,” Dennis Shepard said. One attendee told the Shepards that he often thought of Matthew when he was at church, and he saw Matthew superimposed as the Christ figure in the crucifixion posture. Judy Shepard replied gently that no, Matthew had not been tied to the fence like that when he was abandoned in freezing Wyoming night temperatures. The true story is perhaps more moving than the symbolism. Matthew had been tied to the bottom of the fence. He was lying on the ground when a mountain biker found him the next day and reported the incident to local law enforcement officials. The trooper who arrived to rescue Matthew found a wild doe close to him, lying nearby as if to give protection, comfort and warmth to the suffering young man. Tracks of tears erased blood stains on Matthew’s face. Other audience questions asked about forgiveness and any moral convictions in removing the death penalty in sentencing the two perpetrators who participated in Matthew’s murder. “Forgiveness is not part of my process,” Judy Shepard said. “To me, they’re [the murderers] just gone.” She explained that the family agreed to reject executions as punishment for the sake of convenience, of not being drawn back into the trauma with every death row appeal. Judy and Dennis were worried that their surviving son, Logan, would end up having to deal with the situation after their own deaths. The pair of men who participated in murdering Matthew Shepard were both 21-year-old young men at the time of their crime. They were working-class men, roofers by trade, and reportedly methamphetamine users who spotted Matthew, at 5 feet 2 inches and 105 pounds, as easy prey in the local college bar Fireside Lounge. The two pretended to be homosexuals to lure Matthew away from the bar so that they could rob him. Judy Shepard offered one surprising remark. “In a way, I don’t blame them

entirely,” she said. “They were young, and they were influenced by the attitudes then that gay people were treated as less worthy.” Some people in Wyoming still resist accepting the viewing that Matthew Shepard’s murder was a hate crime. What few dispute, is that Matthew was targeted because he was “a vulnerable gay man.” Judy Shepard repeated that description of her son during her San Diego appearance. Russell Henderson agreed to plead guilty to charges of kidnapping and murder, admitting that he was accomplice to the primary perpetrator Aaron McKinney. The two corroborated each other’s basic account of their crimes. Matthew did not have much cash in his pockets, but McKinney took his debit card and his shoes. Henderson was at the wheel of the truck used in the abduction. Even after completing the robbery, McKinney continued pistol-whipping Matthew Shepard viciously and repeatedly, as Henderson drove to a remote location. At McKinney’s direction, Henderson brought rope from the truck to tie Matthew to the fence, where he was later found. Henderson’s mother froze to death a few months after the murder, a victim herself of Wyoming’s freezing overnight temperatures after a night of drinking. Both men were given consecutive life sentences. They are serving their prison terms in different states outside Wyoming. Each will most likely will die behind bars. What would Matthew be doing if he were here now? “Matthew would be doing what we are doing,” Dennis Shepard said. Shepard Foundation’s plans for 2019 include renewed focus on hate crimes. Five states have no such laws on their books. One area of concentration will be staging conferences to train police and local law enforcement officers about recognizing crimes against marginalized persons as hate crimes, including encouragement of reluctant victims to report criminal acts against them. “Thank you for being here, for being interested,” Dennis Shepard concluded. “Please stay active. There is still work to be done.” —B. J. Coleman is a local freelance journalist and editor/ staff reporter with 22nd District Legionnaire. B.J. can be reached at bjcjournalist@gmail.com.t

NEWS

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2018 Nicky Awards Highlighting the best in San Diego's LGBT community

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Humanitarian Awards:

The Mayor George Moscone Humanitarian Award 2018 – Judy and Dennis Shepard The Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award – The San Diego History Center, KPBS’ “San Diego’s Gay Bar History” documentary and trans activist Sam Moehlig The Big Mike Phillips Community Award – Fernando Buendia Junior

Nicky Award recipients:

Outstanding Sports Organization – San Diego American Flag Football League Outstanding Pharmacy – (Tie) AHF Pharmacy and Hillcrest Pharmacy

see Nicky Awards, pg 8

Harvey Milk Civil Rights Award recipient trans activist Sam Moehlig Albert H. Fulcher |Editor Step and repeat, silent auctions, a special performance and a huge celebration of San Diego’s best LGBT activist, community members and allies decorated a gorgeous evening at the 43rd annual Nicky Awards on Dec. 16 at The Marriott Courtyard at Liberty Station. Founder of the Nicky’s Nicole Murray Ramirez, along with the Imperial Court de San Diego royalty greeted guests, nominees and honorees at the door as they had some time to mingle among friends, family and special guests before the program began. Dressed in their best, the air was full of anticipation as

the program started, as many nominees waited to see if they had earned the coveted Nicky, awarded by their peers in the community after three months of nominations and voting. But the wait was not long before Ramirez, along with the help of the evening’s emcee Miss Pearl, began awarding the humanitarian and community awards. Special awards presented were the Mayor George Moscone Humanitarian Award and The Harvey Milk Award, representing the best in those that continuously support the LGBT community in practice, activism and promoting awareness. It was an evening of many surprises, well deserved recognition and community bonding.

Outstanding Impersonator Kickxy Vixen Styles

Outstanding Entertainer/Group San Diego Gay Men's

NEWS

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

FROM PAGE 1

LEGISLATIVE Update and Gift-raiser with state Senate President Pro Tempore Toni Atkins, Assembly member Todd Gloria and Assembly member Dr. Shirley Weber at the State of California Office Building Downtown on Dec. 12. Top topics for updates were poverty, housing and homelessness. The Dreams for Change Safe Parking Program was this year’s fundraiser beneficiary. Every year, these legislators pick an organization that they come in contact with to be the beneficiary for their holiday legislative update and fundraiser. The Senator met the CEO of Dreams for Change, Dr. Teresa Smith, in March 2018 when Smith visited the Capitol to receive the Irvine Foundation leadership award for her innovative program. “For all of your contributions and the things that you have brought, families that are together and struggling to be safe have found this organization that has provided a parking lot for people to live in their cars, can be there at night, and be safe with their families,” Atkins said. “That is an incredible and innovative idea. There is not a day that I do not think about those less fortunate than me, because that is where I come, and I cannot not think about those that have still not made it. And that’s our job as citizens, and as human beings on this planet.”

Weber said that everyone in the room has had a dream, and those dreams talk about change, moving forward, making lives better, and making those around us better. “Every time life throws a curve, it makes it difficult for those dreams to be fulfilled,” Weber said. “Langston Hughes says, ‘Hold fast to your dreams. For if dreams die, life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.’ There is nothing more pitiful than a bird that is broken, who is destined to fly, but for whatever reason its wings are broken, and they are fluttering on the ground. We have the opportunity to help people hold on to their dreams and help them if they are fluttering at the bottom, to get to the top and to heal.” Gloria said this year’s annual homeless count in the city of San Diego that both he and Atkins participated in, they tallied 8,516 homeless individuals. He said that since its creation back in 2009, Dreams of Change has served 2,600 homeless people, getting them off the streets and into affordable housing. “People that thought they would never be homeless, became homeless,” Gloria said. “We needed more people to lean in and solve this problem and this is what Dreams for Change has done with its parking program. There are people that have been in this fight for years, and then there are some newcomers that come in and disrupt it, to innovate, and to try and serve more people. And that is exactly what the safe

parking program is.” Gloria said when he jogs every morning in his own neighborhood, there is not a day that he does not see someone sleeping in their car. “We know that is unsafe, we know that it does not have access to sanitary conditions and that lack of sanitary conditions caused the worst hepatitis outbreak in this country’s history right here in San Diego,” Gloria said. “Twenty people died because of our inability to properly house people. The organization we are talking about tonight actually saves lives. It keeps people safe and secure in parking lots that are illuminated, have security, have access to long-term services so that the cycle is broken and not continued. “We have harnessed that compassion and channeled it into real solutions, which is permanent supportive housing,” Gloria continued. “But we know that there is not enough units, so until then, we have to have programs that get people into a safe and secure place. That is the vision of Dr. Teresa Smith, who is doing this day in and day out.” Smith said they were honored to be the recipients of this year’s gift-giving and to be able to highlight what Dreams for Change does, but also to be able to talk about the issues that surround the stigma of homelessness. Upon opening its first parking lot in 2010, Smith said it has had close to 6,000 people visit or stay in the program. She said that the program is as simple as it sounds,

THeCeNTeR events @THeCeNT Holiday Hours The Center, the Nicole Murray-Ramirez Latino Services at The Center, and the Hillcrest Youth Center will be closed in observance of the Christmas Holiday on Saturday, Dec. 22 through Tuesday, Dec. 25, reopening at 9am on Wednesday, Dec. 26. We will close again for the New Years Holiday on Saturday, Dec. 29, through Tuesday, Jan. 1, re-opening on Wednesday, Jan. 2., 2019 at 9am.

Through Mon, Dec. 31

2019 YPC Academy Applications Open

The mission of the Young Professionals Council (YPC) is to develop and empower young LGBT professionals and their allies through the YPC Academy. The YPC Academy helps to expand the ranks of young LGBT leaders that are ready to further equality for our community through board service for a variety of agencies, not-for-profit organizations and government commissions. Approximately 20 candidates will be selected for the 2019 class. Applications and supporting documentation must be received by 11:59 pm, Dec. 31, 2018 to be considered. For more information and the application visit thecenter sd.org/programs/young-professionals-council/.

www.thecentersd.org The San Diego LGBT Community Center 3909 Centre Street • 619-692-2077 Twitter: @LGBTCenter

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#BeatingTheOdds: Holiday Donations Doubled! All contributions to The Center’s #BeatingTheOdds holiday giving campaign will be doubled during December! This is thanks to the incredible generosity of two anonymous donors who have agreed to match all gifts in support of The Center’s Youth Services up to $50,000. Make your gift at www.thecentersd.org/youth and read more at http://bit.ly/BeatingThe OddsMatch.

gay-sd.com with parking lots where 30-plus cars of individuals and families are living in them. “There are families with children, a lot of seniors, a population that is quickly getting pushed out of their housing situation and most recently, we have started working with RVs,” Smith said. “It is more than just providing that safe place to stay overnight. We have case managers and social workers there every night to provide access to resources. Our clients that we see are people that you probably wouldn’t see as being homeless.” The individuals helped are working individuals or are in school. Dreams of Change is reaching out to local college districts about students that are in this situation because there are not housing affordable options for everyone. “It is not just the extreme core anymore,” Smith continued. “Those are the clients we are facing every day. It is different because it is often a shock to them that they are in this situation. There is a sense of shame. They might not be telling their families, their friends, because of how they got there is often their [family and friends’] questions. And it’s of no fault of their own. It is just a situation in our community.” Smith said that groups of families and families with children is what they have seen increase the most significantly in the past few years. It has gone from about 20 percent to close to 40 percent within the program. “These are all real issues,” Smith said. “There is now this knowledge that housing is key. We know that if we do not help them right now, that they will be the ones that we will be seeing on the streets. We know how much more costly that is and think about all of the issues that people face when they lose their car. Now they can’t get to work to do the things that they need to do in our community.” Smith said in talking with their clients, Dreams for Change learned many strategies that could have been in place prior to them becoming homeless. “We need to start moving towards a lot more prevention in how we reach people before they have to take that next step,” Smith continued. “Keep them in their houses that they are in or make it a very smooth transition. For us as an organization, that is our vision. We are here in essence to disrupt because we want to see impact and change in our communities.” Atkins said she is grateful to serve with her colleagues and friends, and that they like each other, share similar values and work on lot of constructive things together. “You follow us on social media, and you see all the good things we do relating to housing, homelessness, education, equality and immigration,” Atkins said. “All of those issues we work hard every day for you. We do a lot at the state legislature because we learn hear from you in our own communities. We know what the needs are here.”

Weber said this year was amazing in many ways and a very successful legislative year. “I think that all of us are grateful that we live in California,” Weber said. “There has been a lot of things happening around the world and our own country and are glad we live in California because we believe in climate change. We are still wrestling with the fires that affected the lives of thousands of Californians that worked hard as a community to make a difference. We are grappling with a lot of issues in California to try to make it equal.” Weber said they are still dealing with issues of poverty and its impact. She said that she believes that people in California will rise to that occasion. “We will make it impossible for people to live in poverty in California,” Weber said. “Toni [Atkins] had a phrase a long time ago that said, ‘No one should work full time in California and still live in poverty.’ Work should matter and people should be able to see a difference that work makes in their lives. “We are going to go back to Sacramento in a few weeks and battle the monsters that we face, but we are confident,” Weber continued. “You know me, if you keep hitting them, they will fall. And we will do that again.” Weber, who is now the chair of the California Legislative Black Caucus (CLBC), said the group is already developing a very progressive agenda. She added that with Assembly member Lorena Gonzalez as the chair of the California Latino Legislative Caucus, “San Diego has the caucuses covered here in California.” “We are looking forward to the new season, the new change in government, a new governor, new elected officials with a Democratic majority of 59 out of 80 Assembly members,” Weber said. “It is a super majority that can do almost anything but will always do it right. That’s what’s important. We [California] set the standards, we are the lighthouse that people look to for change and we plan on continuing to be that lighthouse for change and opportunity and that good things happen for every Californian and not just for the few.” “We are fortunate in San Diego to have a delegation unlike any other delegation in the state,” Weber continued. “When you look at the other large cities and look at the delegations, you go, ‘Oh, they’re pretty good.’ But when you look in San Diego and you put together the four of us, Toni Atkins, Lorena Gonzalez, Todd Gloria and myself, you have a force.” Gloria said he sees himself as a missionary for housing. Less than two years ago, he and Atkins added $250 million annually for construction of additional housing. In this year’s budget, they have allocated $500 million across the state to invest in homelessness. That’s about $30 million for the city of San Diego.

see Legislative, pg 7

COMMUNITY VOICES

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Living with HIV, a woman’s perspective Profiles in Advocacy Ian Morton

appy December, friends! Among my favorite things for this month is the A. Brad Truax Awards on Dec. 1 (World AIDS Day), where so many of the tireless workers in the HIV/AIDS field are recognized. That event always reminds me of the very first column I wrote, profiling the 2012 winner of the Truax Award, and then executive director of Christie’s Place, Liz Brosnan (now Johnson). For this reason, it is that much more heartwarming that six years later, Christie’s Place peer navigator, Jay Blount, is the 2018 awardee. A beautiful aspect of the Truax Award, named in memoriam for San Diegan physician, researcher and individual Dr. A. Brad Truax, who lived with AIDS, is that it honors a broad spectrum of San Diegans who have contributed to the wellness of those infected and affected by HIV. Honorees have included researchers on the leading edge of science, physicians whose lives have been dedicated to serving the community, activists who push for legislation and policy, and those who assist HIV-positive individuals to access that which they need to thrive. Jay Blount has been at Christie’s Place for eight years, but her journey with HIV began before that time. She lives in her story — the good and the painful — as it serves as an inspiration for both herself and those with whom she works. A native Californian and the youngest of five children, Blount experienced the challenge of addiction, which eventually led to sex work. As a heterosexual woman, she was never aware of her risk factors, and was diagnosed with HIV in 1996, in Palm Springs. Her

(l to r) Christi’s Place peer navigator Jay Blount receives the 2018 Truax Award presented by the 2017 awardee Joe Burke. (Photo courtesy of Dan Uhler) life has included high and low points through her addiction, which included homelessness, a nine-year loving marriage, and adoption of a child. When her husband passed, she “lost her support system”, and she sought solace in her addiction, losing her child to the system and the life she had worked to build. It was family that brought her back to herself. “One day, I was at my sister’s house, and I was high and drunk,” she recollected. “My 12-year-old niece was watching me pace the floor, and she just broke down into tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she confessed that she just didn’t know how to help me. For some reason that resonated. I realized how much I was affecting my family and I got into recovery.” Enrolled as a client around 2007, Jay began attending “camping retreats” through

Christie’s Place, and saw that there was a community of both HIV-positive individuals and allies who wanted to see her thrive. “I had just restarted my life and it was a new chapter for me; a lot of firsts,” she said. “I was amazed by how people who were not HIV-positive embraced HIV-positive women. I’m from a small town and that’s just not something I had ever seen. Their compassion, commitment and involvement touched my heart as a woman. I felt seen.” Blount became a peer navigator at Christie’s Place before such a position became “the norm”, and recalls the resistance she and others experienced as they worked to legitimize their roles in patient wellness. “I experienced a lot of initial push-back from the medical community,” she recalled. “They just weren’t ready to buy

Are you emotionally sober? Life Beyond Therapy Michael Kimmel

any years ago, I had a boyfriend who liked to call me late at night, after he’d been drinking too much. He was a sweet, sentimental drunk. Eventually, the romance turned to friendship, he found Alcoholics Anonymous and stopped drinking. But, he never worked on the problems that he drank to escape from. He was the same person, just sober. I‘ve had clients who were 100 percent sober but their friends call them “drama queens” (why not “drama kings”? But that’s another column.) They never had a substance dependence, but they sure had a drama dependence. Without intense emotions and constant crises, they wouldn’t know how to function. At a recent SOS (Sobriety on the Sand) event (thanks,

Charlie H.), I attended a workshop on “Emotional Sobriety.” The idea really made sense to me as a therapist. It’s not really about whether you drink or use crystal meth or some other substance to numb out, the main point of being emotionally sober is that you learn to handle your shit so that it doesn’t handle you. Let’s look at what it means to be emotionally sober. Emotionally sober people: ● Work out their unresolved childhood wounds: What is it that you used to drink/use to avoid feeling? Was it loneliness? Social anxiety? Depression? Whatever it was that you were running from, it’s time to deal with it. If you don’t, those negative emotions are going to continue to run your life, and you won’t experience the freedom of having worked them out. ● Get clear on who you want to be. Many people in recovery are so focused on what they don’t want to be: “I don’t want to be a lonely, sad drunk

anymore.” But, they forget to clarify who they do want to become: “I want to be a secure, calm person who enjoys life and can handle whatever comes my way with grace and serenity.” Sure, it’s a lofty goal, but why not aim high? ● Live in the present, not the past or the future. Either you haven’t healed from traumatic relationships or experiences that still haunt you, or you focus so much on the future that you ignore where you are right now. All your hopes and energy are on the future: “Someday, I’ll have a great job/lover/home of my own.” “Someday, I’ll be happy.” “Someday…blah, blah, blah.” And you don’t do anything in the present to make that someday come about. ● Use gratitude as a tool: Start a daily habit where you are grateful for things … little things, big things, anything!

see Michael Kimmel, pg 7

into us as part of the patients’ care. We were made to stay in the waiting room while patients had their appointments. Now they see the value, and we get requested to join appointments by the providers!” Being a women living with HIV, she feels as though she gains as much inspiration from her clients as they receive help from her efforts. She currently oversees around 65 clients, making sure that women living with HIV are empowered to live their best lives; sometimes through administrative assistance, and sometimes by demonstrating through her own “no-holds-barred” story what a path forward can look like. Christie’s Place has been and continues to serve as a national model for women’s HIV services, and Blount is proud to be a part of the effort. She never expected to be awarded the Truax Award, and sees it as a reminder to keep working hard. As we finished our talk, she closed with these final words: “Women are born in the struggle. From the day they

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

arrive as babies, they are stigmatized from the beginning. As long as Christie’s Place is around, they will have a place to call ‘home.’” On this fitting “book end” column, I am a bit sad to report that I will be discontinuing writing Profiles in Advocacy, as I dive deeper into my schoolwork. It has been such an honor to tell the stories of amazing people and organizations, and I am grateful for the experience. Many thanks to the editors with whom I’ve worked (Anthony King, Morgan Hurley and Albert Fulcher), Gay San Diego and our community. I hope my words have illuminated some of the heroes among us! —Ian Morton has been in San Diego for over 20 years, working in the LGBTQ and HIV fields. He is currently a full-time student and works with the San Diego Black LGBTQ Coalition and the Y.E.S. San Diego LGBTQ Youth Conference. Recommendations for individuals and groups to highlight in Profiles in Advocacy may be emails to iandanielsmusic@gmail.com.t

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OPINION

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

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Guest Editorial

End-of-year giving: Selecting a charity and avoid being scammed By Paul Downey The holidays are a time of celebration, family, reflection and to help those who are in need. Giving to a charity each year is easy for most of us. We find ourselves drawn to a cause, a particular group, or an organization’s mission. We want to help those who may be less fortunate than ourselves, especially during the holidays when we take the time to be thankful for what we have. When you have a personal tie to an organization, giving your hard-earned dollars is simple. According to the Charity Navigator website, total giving to charitable organizations was $410.02 billion in 2017 (2.1 percent of GDP) and nearly half of the charities receive 41 percent of their annual contributions in the last few weeks of the year. However, EDITOR Albert H. Fulcher (619) 961-1960 albert@sdcnn.om CONTRIBUTING EDITORS (619) 519-7775 Sara Butler, x118 Jeff Clemetson, x119 CONTRIBUTING WRITERS B. J. Coleman Paul Downey Michael Kimmel Jean Lowerison Ian Morton Nicole Murray Ramirez Mickey Rox Frank Sabatini Jr. WEB AND SOCIAL MEDIA Sara Butler, x118 Jess Winan, x102

what happens when you don’t have a charity in mind or you are new to giving monetary donations? All too often, con artists use the holiday season to take advantage of the generosity of San Diegans and steal your hard-earned money for themselves, rather than for reputable and legitimate nonprofit organizations serving the most vulnerable in our community. Here are four quick tips to help you chose a legitimate organization and avoid being scammed: • Only give to a charity you know and do you research! Research an organization before you donate. There are a variety of online resources that provide free access to comprehensive reports about nonprofit organizations. Start with a visit to California Attorney General's Registry of Charitable Trusts (oag.ca.gov/

charities), the Better Business Bureau's Wise Giving Alliance (give.org), Guidestar (guidestar. com) and Charity Navigator (charitynavigator.org). Plus, go to the organization’s website and social media channels and really get a good understanding of what the charity does and who benefits from your donation. ● Ask questions. Real charities are able to tell you how they use their donations and what portion of your contribution will go directly to the group they are trying to help. Ideally, 85 cents of every dollar raised should go directly to direct programs and services of the charitable organization, with the minimal amount remaining to underwrite administrative salaries and operational expenses. Also, ask them for a 990-tax form. If they cannot give you this information, don’t give them your money.

COPY EDITOR Dustin Lothspeich

EDITORIAL INTERN Jules Shane

SALES & MARKETING DIRECTOR Mike Rosensteel (619) 961-1958 mike@sdcnn.com

ACCOUNTING Priscilla Umel-Martinez (619) 961-1962 accounting@sdcnn.com

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ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Robert Bauer (215) 287-4805 Heather Fine, x107 EDITORIAL ASSISANT Jess Winans

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● Do not send to a post office box. Ask for a tour! Make sure the organization has a physical street address, where you can go and see the charity in action at any time. Or even better, just show up unannounced. A reputable charity would be delighted to give you a tour on the spot. ● There should be no hard sell. Don’t feel the need to give into pressure. Organizations don’t need money “today.” If they cannot give you an answer for what the donation is to be used for then walk away. For example, here at Serving Seniors, we provide all the details a donor may want to know about our organization on our website. There you can reference our last four annual reports to see exactly where your dollars will be spent, and we encourage you to come “kick the tires” and get to know our organization.

We offer tours five days a week including at our nationally recognized Gary & Mary West Wellness Senior Center. Everything is transparent and that is exactly what you want in your charity. When you donate this holiday season, be sure to follow these quick tips to make certain your charity is being fiscally and socially responsible, and that you know your money is going where you want it to go. An informed decision is a wise decision. —For more nearly two decades, Paul Downey has been a national advocate for low-income seniors as well as the president and CEO of Serving Seniors, a nonprofit agency dedicated for more than 45 years to increasing the quality of life for San Diego seniors living in poverty. Learn more at servingseniors.org.t

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COMMUNITY VOICES / NEWS

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Mayor, police chief meet with LGBT leaders Sherman Mendoza and The Caliph

FROM PAGE 5

MICHAEL KIMMEL This keeps you grounded in the present, the only place you can really be happy. The past is gone and the future may never arrive: focus on the present. ● Begin to create new friendships. If your old friends still drink/use to avoid their problems, they may drag you down now. A strong support network is crucial to your long-term health. It doesn’t happen overnight, so be patient. Give new friendships time to grow and deepen. ● Learn how to calm yourself down when times are rough. Self-soothing skills are useful when life throws you a curveball. Books, friends, seminars,

FROM PAGE 4

LEGISLATIVE “Make sure they spend it right,” Gloria said. “No more rocks under freeways. We want housing. Passed a bill leading to the construction of 22 new homes on Commercial Street in Logan Heights as we speak. These are homes that are available for working-class San Diegans. Hopefully, soon enough, these homes which are actually going to be shipping containers that are repurposed into housing, can come online in the next few months, not the next few years. And by saving time, [we’re] saving money, and

(l to r) FBI Special Agent Brett Kalina, Chief’s Advisory Board LGBT Liaison Sgt. Daniel Meyer, Mayor Kevin Faulconer and SDPD Lt. Manuel Del Toro. (Photos by Nicole Murray Ramirez)

speech and crimes would not be tolerated against any citizens in San Diego. The local LGBT leaders, business and bar owners in attendance were: Metropolitan Community Church Rev. Dan Koeshall; Executive Director San Diego LGBT Pride Fernando Lopez; The Center’s Latino Services Coordinator Carolina Ramos; Urban Mo’s owner Chris Shaw; Brian Bazinet; Attorney Bruce Abrams; Benny Cartwright of The Center; Big Mike Phillips; David Cohen; Rich’s General Manager Ryan Bedrosian; Flicks’ owner Jeff Jackson; Julia Legaspi; Gossip Grill General Manager Moe Girton;

and Susan Nester. A future meeting with bar owners and their staff as well as other local businesses is in the planning and will be held in Hillcrest. Bedrosian of Rich’s agreed to establish communications for all bar owners and staff to be able to communicate with each other when problems arise. With the increase of hate crimes at LGBT centers and Planned Parenthood health centers — as well as a rise in anti-Semitic incidents — happening across the nation, we very much appreciate the proactive efforts and priority of making all of our city’s diverse community safe.

counselors, prayer, meditation … use whatever works for you to ground yourself when bad stuff happens. ● Find meaningful activities, work, hobbies and passions. Things that really matter to you, whether anyone else likes them or not. Focus on pleasing yourself and your old drama will begin to melt away. ● Explore what a healthy sex life could be. Be willing to let go of old ideas/break old patterns relating to your sexual/erotic life. Try new ways of relating physically/sexually/romantically to others and see what happens. In conclusion: It’s great to get clean and sober, but it’s not very pleasant if you don’t work on the reasons that you drank/ used in the first place. And whether you’re in recovery from

substance abuse or just a plain old sober drama queen, clean out your emotional “wounds.” Don’t just put a psychic bandaid over a whole lot of ugly stuff from your past that you’ve been avoiding for years. Instead, get in there, go deep and find your own emotional sobriety. You have nothing to lose but your drama. And, really, what did it ever do for you?

that money is reflected in the rent. This is the kind of innovation that we are trying to bring in this space, not just saying the talking point of housing, but that we are actually making. “It doesn’t matter where you are on the housing spectrum, or homeless and living in the streets — if you’re a renter who knows that the rent is too high, or if you are someone that we’ve invested in but cannot afford to live, buy a home or see a future in this state, we have problems,” Gloria continued. “We know that the poverty rate in California is the highest in the nation, not because we are not trying like mad to change this with the standard income tax credit, investing in higher education and the list

—Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.t goes on. The reason we still have this distinguishing characteristic is that it is just too expensive to live here.” Gloria told everyone to look out in the year ahead. “We are going to do some more legislation, more housing, at a price that people can afford,” Gloria said. “The goal is a roof over every head of every Californian because everyone deserves to live in this fabulous state and deserves to have a fighting chance. I am tired of investing in the education of our youth, simply for those young people to move to another state because they don’t see a future for themselves here.” —Albert Fulcher can be reached at albert@sdcnn.com.t

—Nicole Murray Ramirez has been writing a column since

Editor’s Note: The opinions written in this column are the author’s own and does not necessarily represent the opinions of the staff and/or publisher of Gay San Diego and/or its parent company, San Diego Community News Network (SDCNN). The newspaper and its staff should be held harmless of liability or damages.t

(l to r) The Caliph owner Sherman Mendoza getting a kiss from The Queen.

1.20.19 therecoveryride.org

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IDE

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FOURTH ANNUAL YOUR HE A ET

Recently, Mayor Kevin Faulconer, San Diego Police Department (SDPD) Police Chief David Nisleit, SDPD Lt. Manuel Del Toro, Chief’s Advisory Board LGBT Liaison Sgt. Daniel Meyer and the mayor’s Senior Community Representative John Ly, met with San Diego LGBT leaders, business and bar owners. Also in attendance were members of the mayor’s LGBT Advisory Council and FBI Special Agent Brett Kalina. Many issues and concerns were discussed, including the growing problem of police harassment, increasing physical attacks on residents, more incidents of hate crimes including hate speech directed at LGBT citizens, and the slow response rate of 911 calls. Recently, a pickup truck with young men have harassed gay bars in Hillcrest throwing eggs and calling out homophobic and racial slurs to bar staff and customers. The growing homeless problem outside The San Diego LGBT Community Center was also discussed, with some urging the The Center to hire security guards before a major violent incident happens. Faulconer and Nisleit made it very clear that any hate

After nearly six decades, one of San Diego’s most popular and beloved piano bars The Caliph is closing its doors on New Year’s Eve. The corner it sits on was sold and I am sure we will be seeing another condo building going up. While many San Diegans will miss this entertainment landmark, some will miss its owner and San Diego businessman Sherman Mendoza the most. He is one of the kindest, most caring and giving men that I have had the honor to call my friend. I first met Sherman when he was 19yearsold and talked him into running for Mr. Gay Teenage San Diego at what was then Bradley’s in Downtown. This man has given tens of thousands of dollars to countless LGBT organizations and causes, especially during the AIDS crisis. It seems like “no” was never in Sherman’s vocabulary. He also supported countless candidates for public office. Simply put, Sherman just loves our community and has always had a heart for those in need. The good news is that Sherman is not going anywhere, and he plans to stay active with our community — and yes indeed, our community is lucky he is. Thank you for the memories Sherman and God bless you.

EA IN G R RT

Conversations with Nicole Nicole Murray Ramirez

1973. He has been a Latino/gay activist for almost half a century and has advised and served the last seven mayors of San Diego. Named the “Honorary Mayor of Hillcrest” by a city proclamation, he has received many media awards including from the prestigious San Diego Press Club. Reach Nicole at Hillcrestqueen5@gmail.com.

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STEPPING STONE AND THE HIV FUNDING COLLABORATIVE AND MAMA’S KITCHEN AND TURNING POINT HOME

NEWS

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

FROM PAGE 3

NICKY AWARDS Outstanding Brunch – Uptown Tavern Outstanding Neighborhood Bar – The Loft Outstanding Bar – Flicks Outstanding Medical Marijuana Dispensary – SDRC, San Diego Recreational Cannabis Outstanding Nightclub/ Bar Event – Welfare Wednesday @Flicks Outstanding Trainer – Kristofer Reynolds Outstanding Night Club/ Dance Bar – Rich’s Outstanding Women’s Night – Finger Me Friday @ Gossip Grill

Outstanding LGBT Publication Gay San Diego

Outstanding Bar Owner – Andy Clark @The Loft Outstanding Bar Manager – Patrick Walsh @ Flicks Outstanding Female Bartender – Bekah Levine @ Gossip Grill Outstanding Male Bartender – Eric Arroyo @ Uptown Tavern Outstanding Bar Employee – Korie Houston @ Baja Betty’s Outstanding Impersonator – Kickxy Vixen Styles Outstanding DJ/VJ – DJ Will Z Outstanding Female Personality – Ebby Mullins Outstanding Male Personality – (Tie) Steve Juarez and Tyler Renner Outstanding Transgender Activist – Paul Rhodes Outstanding Levi/ Leather Personality – Bill Willis

Outstanding Community Volunteer Sister Ida

gay-sd.com

Man of the Year Benny Cartwright

Outstanding Community Event San Diego Pride Outstanding Entertainer/Group – (Tie) San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus and San Diego Kings Club Outstanding Title Holder – Mr. Gay Pride 2018 Ziggy Zig Outstanding Restaurant – Urban MO’s Outstanding Male waitperson – Dash @Baja Betty’s Outstanding Female Waitperson – Marisol @ Urban MO’s Outstanding Business – (Tie) Luigi Vera’s and Wynn Barber Shop Outstanding New Business – Inside Out Outstanding Business Man – Jay Jones and Brad Hart Outstanding Business Woman – Steph Burnside Outstanding Achievement in the Arts – Erik Benson Outstanding Community Volunteer – Sister Ida Outstanding HIV/AIDS Service Provider – Being

We Are NOT Pieology!

Alive Outstanding Community Activist – William Kelly Outstanding Community Event – San Diego Pride Outstanding LGBT Community Org – Stonewall

Citizens’ Patrol Outstanding Straight Ally – Jessica Wight Carter Outstanding LGBT Publication – Gay San Diego Outstanding LGBT Writer/Columnist – Timothy Rawles Outstanding LGBT Online Media – San Diego Gay and Lesbian News Outstanding Bank – California Coast Credit Union Outstanding Night Club Dancer – Marvin Garcia Outstanding LGBT Couple – (Female) Kristy and Liz Salazar (Male) Cesar Reyes and John Paul Spickard Outstanding Hairstylist – Britton Purvis Outstanding Real Estate Agent – Todd Armstrong Outstanding Corporate Sponsor – Hotel Del Coronado Man of the Year – Benny Cartwright

Outstanding Community Activist William Kelly

—Albert Fulcher can be reached at albert@sdcnn.com.t

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MUSIC

gay-sd.com FROM PAGE 1

MEN’S CHORUS This was a paramount moment in the Gay Men’s Chorus’ sold out performance at the Balboa Theatre on Dec. 15, as it performed its annual holiday concert “Jingle.” With an array of holiday classics, cultural descants and beautiful serenades, the entire show confirmed that this chorus is the best of the best — and that they just keep getting better with one implausible performance after the other. Artistic Director RC Haus brought in one of his very young students, Wilson Mueller, as a special guest artist to pair with soloist Tim Dwyer and the chorus in “A Million Dreams” from the film “The Greatest Showman.” This was a striking performance. It takes a lot of guts to take on some of today’s most popular music. Yet for the chorus and the soloists, it was just another day for the group as they glided through the number, bringing an alternative meaning to the song that was apt for a holiday show. Absolutely delightful, campy and entertaining, “What I Want for Christmas Melody” let the dancers shine as they told the story of wanting a hippopotamus or “my two front teeth” for Christmas. With numbers like “Suzy Snowflake” featuring Fete Sagale and Emmett Coffey, dancers brought a lot

The entire San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus engages the audience in its encore performance. of laughter in their humorous antics and their moves were as endearing as the expressions on their faces. They also proved their presence as professional performers. Throughout the entire concert, the precision of movement within and outside of the chorus line gained momentum, adding to the unabridged performer in everyone. It is always a pleasure to hear the music of other cultures, especially since San Diego is home to such a diverse community. Whether or not you understand the words, music is a universal language that surpasses words. “Ocho Kandelikas,” a Ladino (yes, that is right, it is JudeoSpanish) song of Hanukkah was easily understood, despite the language barrier. “Adeste Fideles” also stood up strong to Andrea Bocelli’s version. One thrilling part of the

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evening was the performance of “Pasko Na Sinta Ko” and “Ang Pasko Ay Sumapit” in Tagalog. The chorus not only mastered the lyrics, but also captured the harmony of these beloved songs. A performance by the Samahan Philippine Dance Company brought in Philipino members of the chorus for the Bamboo Dance, blending the best of Eastern and Western cultures together. The addition of the Candle Dance, simply, was exquisite. All I can do is say is thank you to the chorus for sharing the beautiful arrangement of “I Shall Miss Loving You.” This beautiful song of grief is a vibrant reminder of the many we lost to AIDS and reminds us that our losses were not in vain. The chorus sang Peter McWilliams’ sonnet with beauty, pride and intent. It is as moving today and will be just as moving tomorrow. Every time that this song is

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019 heard, it reaches a new group of people that have never heard this part of LGBT history. This is a masterpiece of lyric and music, and the tenderness of this piece will remain in the thoughts and hearts that you allowed to hear it. Performed by David Decker, Daniel Makholm, Andy Mathews and Brandon Pohl, “O Holy Night” is by far my favorite traditional Christmas hymn. In tandem, their combined voices not only sang a heavenly hymn, but also brought a sense of holy tradition that could not be denied. To the chorus, soloists and entire ensemble that worked on this magical holiday musical journey, you were all

masters of song. From every facial expression to sultry movement, pure joy radiated throughout the theater and proved once again that each member is as important as the other. It didn’t matter who had the solo or what row you were in. In every twinkling moment, you all executed in solidarity and it clearly was seen. Everyone exuded the mastery of choral performance. You made this holiday season brighter one song at a time. And when you think things can’t get any better, you continuously show our community that it gets better every single performance. —Albert Fulcher can be reached at albert@sdcnn.com.t

Dancers added to the chorus’ performance in its “What I Want for Christmas Melody” including the holiday classic “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.” (Photos courtesy of Gary Payne Photography)

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DINING

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

gay-sd.com

Italian sandwiches made your way in South Park (Courtesy of Enoteca Buona Forchetta)

Enoteca Buona Forchetta in South Park is up and running as the latest offshoot to

Consumers have given a thumbs-up to IKEA’s newly introduced salmon meatballs. (Ikea/Google images) Salmon meatballs have rolled into the cafeterias of all IKEA locations, including Mission Valley. The newly introduced option, tested initially in the company’s Portugal outlets, features a recipe of mostly salmon mixed with a smaller percentage of cod. In addition, the orbs are flavored with lemongrass and seaweed.

The Swedish housewares store has long been famous for its Nordic-style beef-pork meatballs draped in creamy brown gravy. A few years ago, veggie and chicken meatballs were added to the lineup. Those, along with other hot meals are served in the store’s second level restaurant. 2149 Fenton Parkway, 888888-4532, ikea.com.

the original, nearby Buona Forchetta. Its native Italian owners also operate Officine

Libations such as moonshine lemonade, vodka-based “salty dogs,” and red sangria are linked to a few charities at Farmer’s Bottega in Mission Hills. For an indefinite period of time, $1 from the sale of each drink is earmarked for a specific nonprofit group listed on the restaurant’s cocktail menu. The recipients are Mission Hills Heritage, Paws4Thought Animal Rescue and Urban Street Angels. At its sister restaurant, Farmer’s Table, located in Bay Park and La Mesa, the charity drive has also been implemented, but with a variety of different drinks benefiting additional organizations such as San Diego Roots and Stepping Higher. 860 W. Washington St., 619-458-9929, farmersbottega.com.

Buona Forchetta in Liberty Station. Since opening recently, Enoteca has pumped up its ingredient options for customers to build their own sandwiches, including toasty paninis. In addition to a choice of house-made breads, such as thin piadina flatbread, ciabatta, whole wheat and more, the protein options include bresaola, speck, spicy salami, and prosciutto de Parma. Prized cheeses such as smoked buffalo mozzarella and soft taleggio are also in the offing, along with a choice of lettuces and other garnishes. Unlike its sister restaurants, the new venture doesn’t serve pastas or pizzas, although it offers daily breakfasts (except on Tuesdays). 3011 Beech St., 619-381-4844, buonaforchettasd.com.

Hard lemonade for a good cause (Courtesy of Alternative Strategies)

Popular country-western dance bar comes to an end (Courtesy of In Cahoots) Mission Valley will bid fond adieu at the end of this month to In Cahoots, the legendary country-western bar and restaurant that opened in 1992. Fans of the establishment can enjoy their last two-step on New Year’s Eve, between 7 p.m. and 2 a.m., at which point the two-level building falls into the hands of an undisclosed new owner. “We’re among the longest independently owned nightclub of its kind in the country,” said Mike Brown, who served as head music programmer since In Cahoots opened. “It’s been an amazing run and I’m proud to be part of it.” When news of the upcoming closure recently leaked out on

social media, the outpouring from the community “broke the internet and Facebook,” he added. The bar featured a dance f loor and a full menu of casual fare. It was owned by a Texas-based woman, who put the property on the market several months ago. Brown and other sources said she received a fair asking price and decided to move ahead with the sale, which becomes official on New Year’s Day. 5373 Mission Center Road, 619291-1184, incahoots.com. —Frank Sabatini Jr. can be reached at fsabatini@san.rr.com.t

DINING

gay-sd.com

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Labels be gone

Ad Libitum 1263 University Ave. (Hillcrest) 619-487-0361 adlibitumsd.com Lunch and dinner: Salads and appetizers, $12 to $16 Shareable plates and boards, $8 to $27 Entrees, $20 to $23 Brunch: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., Sundays Egg dishes and other plates, $8 to $14

Ad Libitum takes a non-categorical approach to dining Restaurant Review Frank Sabatini Jr.

fter a three-month soft opening that involved meticulous menu adjustments and the finalizing of an impressive bar program, Ad Libitum in Hillcrest has moved into prime time. Located in the mid-century Googie-style building fronting The Merrow, the address has been a turnstile to numerous businesses over the past two decades — something Ad Libitum’s owner, Mike Kan, took into careful account before launching the business. “I researched a lot of the past restaurants that were in here and analyzed how long they lasted and why they failed,” said Kan, who is augmenting his investigative data with the help of a shaman to break whatever curse might hang over the property. The lighthearted ritual will take place during Ad Libitum’s three-day grand opening, which begins Dec. 28. During that time, select dishes and drinks will be 50 percent off. What may ultimately lend to Ad Libitum’s longevity, however, is Kan’s disdain for stereotyped menus, drink lists and interior designs. Here, none of those fall into any particular pigeonhole. Even the name is a refreshing departure from the scores of restaurants and bars that unimaginatively use two words separated by an ampersand to define their businesses. (The building’s most recent tenant was Bull & Grain.) Kan explains that Ad Libitum is a Latin musical term for performers who decide which notes and tempos they will play, but while adhering to the main crux of a song. When applied to the business, he says it denotes the dishes and drinks are “80 percent classic and 20 percent creative.” Outside of that, don’t expect him to sum up the concept with such cliches as “farm-to-table,” “comfort,” “elevated” or “modern.” Though admittedly the words “continental” and “global” come to mind considering you’ll find everything from tuna tartare and patatas bravas to New York strip steak, whole branzino and fabulous seared duck breast set in three different sauces. The menu is steered by executive chef Charleen Sandoval (formerly of Trust, Bistro du Marché, Pizzeria Mozza and Cowboy Star). She’s a magician with sauces such as the addicting vegan garlic “cream” that accompanied an appetizer of fried king trumpet mushrooms. It paired well to their tempura-like batter, which uses vodka instead of water.

A dark, viscous wasabi-soy dipping sauce that came with honey-chili glazed shrimp was memorably complex with its salty-spicy zing. And the sauces swirled around those thick, tender slices of duck breast — tamarind, sweet onion and pomegranate-molasses — were playfully sweet and tart as they interacted with each other on the plate. As for Sandoval’s naked lamb “pops” bedded over arugula, her dipping sauce of mint and roasted red pepper was wonderfully fitting, but hardly needed. These were handy, little chops at their juiciest and most tender. The only dish that fell flat with us was an attractive salad mingling heirloom tomatoes with grilled asparagus and watermelon radishes. The combination felt random, and the basil-spiked dressing jived only to the tomatoes. The ad libitum reference might best apply to the cocktail program, which was developed by Jay Choi of the cocktail consulting business, CoLab. Aside from a dozen signature drinks, such as the slightly tart “pear bear” combining pear brandy, gin, lemon and walnut bitters — or the guzzle-worthy “spritz for sore eyes” blending gin, vermouth, créme de péche, chardonnay and elderflower liqueur — you can take the “ad lib’ed” route. We did so after downing the aforementioned drinks and picking over an elegant cheese and charcuterie board. We told Choi our general preferences and ended up with pleasing twists on a classic gimlet using a tad less sugar, plus a gin Rickey prettied up with star anise. Still, our favorite was the “spritz for sore eyes” with strawberries and oranges bobbing within the glass. Dare I return to drink it in bottomless quantities for $18 during Sunday brunch (10 a.m. to 3 p.m.). Truly, it’s one of those cocktails that can make you forget about mimosas forever. Kan has made minor

Tomatoes and grilled asparagus with watermelon radishes Ad Libitum has settled into the heart of Hillcrest (Photos by Frank Sabatini Jr.) changes to the 2,800-squarefoot interior. He added darkwood elements, rebuilt the bar, and enhanced the mezzanine with colored lighting. He’s environ created an anti-trendy environment that is very gay-friendly and serves up some of the most applaudable food and drinks the address has seen in a while. —Frank Sabatini Jr. is the author of ‘Secret San Diego’ (ECW Press) and began his local writing career more than two decades ago as a staffer for the former San Diego Tribune. You can reach him at fsabatini@

san. rr.com.t

(l to r) The “spritz for sore eyes” and the “pear bear”

Honeychili fried shrimp

Charcuterie and cheese board

Grilled “lamb pops”

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Bah humbug

THEATER

gay-sd.com

A jolly, scary, funny, festive musical Theater Review Jean Lowerison

hat is it about the Christmas season that brings out the grouch in some people? Is it all that talk about peace, joy, love and brotherhood? San Diego theatergoers are typically blessed (if that’s quite the word) with two Christmas grumps. A few weeks ago, we saw the arrival of that moldy green monster, the Grinch, stomping around the Old Globe and trying to ruin everybody else’s Christmas. Now it’s the British contingent’s turn, with that penny-pinching, no-good Ebenezer Scrooge polluting politeness by “humbugging” around and snarling at those

nice ladies collecting for charity. Cygnet Theatre is back with its fifth edition of “A Christmas Carol,” a jolly, scary, funny, festive musical retelling of the old Dickens story. Yep, it’s all those things in turn — sometimes all at once. This year Director Sean Murray has opted for minimal staging and maximal music. His score including two new songs and new verses for old favorites “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” and the French carol “Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella.” The ghosts? They’re different, too. Christmas Past is a trio of women all in white; Present is David McBean in a voluminous full-length green velvet coat. The last — Christmas Yet to Come — is the scariest, complete with ominous-looking black cloth draped from the ceiling.

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Show veteran Tom Stephenson as Ebenezer Scrooge (right) in ‘A Christmas Carol,’ which runs through Dec. 30 at Cygnet Theatre (Photo by Ken Jacques) It all works for two reasons: a good story, adapted by Murray, with music by Billy Thompson; and a stunningly talented cast of seven who sing, play, dance and portray multiple characters. (Okay, six do — the old grump just gets to grouse a lot.) Most are returnees; all are magnificent. By now, Tom Stephenson has perfected the geezer Scrooge, who has misplaced his humanity but may eventually find it again. David McBean, master of over-the-top characters, has a great time at the top of the show as Marley, who enters dragging heavy metal chains “forged in life” and warning old partner Scrooge of what might await him. He also plays young Scrooge’s buddy Dick, who works with Ebenezer at Mr. Fezziwig’s — and, of course, Christmas Present. Patrick McBride is great as Scrooge’s frozen-fingered clerk Cratchit, father of Tiny Tim, and as young Scrooge’s jolly old boss Fezziwig, who throws a terrific holiday

party for his employees, where they “gather together to party all night and celebrate Christmas Day.” Melissa Fernandes brings attitude to Scrooge’s beleaguered (harried?) housekeeper Mrs. Dilbur, as well as kindliness to Mrs. Cratchit and her multiple talents to a few other characters. Melinda Gilb amuses as Mrs. Fezziwig, a young Cratchit and one of the charity solicitors. Charles Evans, Jr. makes a sympathetic young Scrooge. Both are fine as several other characters as well. Megan Carmitchel exudes charm as young Scrooge’s girlfriend Belle, and shows her versatility as the Cratchits’ daughter Martha and in other roles — notably the voice of the puppet Tiny Tim. Andrew Hull’s set is simple and effective; Jeanne Reith’s costumes are lovely; and Kyle Montgomery’s lighting and Matt Lescault-Wood’s sound design are both excellent. Katie Banville’s elegant choreography — and the rest

‘A Christmas Carol’ Through Dec. 30 Cygnet Theatre 4040 Twiggs St. (Old Town) Wednesday and Thursday: 7:30 p.m. Friday: 8 p.m. Saturday: 3 and 8 p.m. Sunday: 2 and 7 p.m. Tickets: 619-337-1525 cygnettheatre.com of the musical events — are ably supported by music director Patrick Marion, who plays an onstage piano. Let’s face it: it’s not Christmas without Scrooge, and Cygnet’s the best place to find him. —Jean Lowerison is a long-standing member of the San Diego Theatre Critics Circle and can be reached at infodame@cox.net.t

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GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

Ongoing Events:

Spring Open Registration – Open registration for the spring semester began at the San Diego Community College District (SDCCD) on Dec. 10. Those interested in enrolling are encouraged to register for classes early, with the semester beginning Jan. 28. bit.ly/2rh6Ipr Mobile Medical – The Family Health Centers of San Diego mobile medical unit will be located in The Center’s parking lot every Monday from 3-7 p.m. Services include basic primary care, immunizations, PrEP (through Rx), STD screening & treatment, chest/breast cancer screening, family planning, pap smears, pregnancy testing, hormone therapy and sick & well visits. For appointments, contact The Center at 619692-2077 ext. 211.

‘The Nutcracker’ – Spreckels Theatre presents its rendition of Tchaikovsky’s classically scored “The Nutcracker.” A timeless and enchanting ballet production returns to Spreckels for the holidays. Runs through Dec. 23. Tickets range from $30–$80. 121 Broadway. bit.ly/2EAILRE

‘A Christmas Carol’ – Cygnet Theatre’s holiday smash hit is back for its fifth season. Guests are invited to enjoy the holiday classic adapted from Charles Dickens’ timeless tale of hope and redemption. This re-imagined, fully-staged production features original

gay-sd.com new music, creative stagecraft and puppetry, and live sound effects. Runs through Dec. 30. Tickets start at $45. 4040 Twiggs St. For tickets and showtimes: bit.ly/2qI82Bt

Stonewall Salon – The Diversionary Theatre will host auditions for its Stonewall Salon theater workshop, which opens the stage to older adults interested in studying stagecraft. This is a unique opportunity to be a part of an LGBT+Allied group, meet new friends, and try new things in a casual and fun environment. Rehearsals are Tuesdays and Thursdays, Jan. 15–Feb. 28 from 10 a.m.-noon at the Diversionary Theatre, with performances scheduled for March 1 and 2 at 2 p.m. on the Diversionary mainstage. Free. 4545 Park Blvd. bit.ly/stonewallsalon. Lambda Archives Donation Match – The Lambda Archives has announced a pledge from the California Institute of Contemporary Arts, which has agreed to match all donations to the Archives until Dec. 31. You can help by making a one-time donation, start or renew your membership, or set up a recurring monthly donation. bit.ly/donateLambda.

‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ – The Old Globe Theatre’s 21st annual presentation of Dr. Seuss’ “How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” runs this year through Dec. 29 and returns with its sensory-friendly performance for children on the autism spectrum. A seasoned

cast and crew bring this holiday classic to life each year. Tickets range from $19–$79. 1363 Old Globe Way. bit.ly/2QnvGP0 ‘Struggles and Triumphs’ – The San Diego History Center in partnership with the Lambda Archives of San Diego brings the first-ever exhibition in Balboa Park focused on the history of San Diego’s LGBTQ+ community. Visitors will experience and learn about the struggles to overcome persecution, the battle with AIDS, bullying and intolerance, the power of the community, and the tremendous strides taken in the fight for equal rights. The exhibit curator is noted author and historian Lillian Faderman. Runs through January 2020. 1649 El Prado, Suite 3. bit.ly/2o5PrxG

Baja Betty’s, Gossip Grill, Hillcrest Brewing Co., and insideOUT. Starts at 6 p.m. Cost: $30 pre-sale. Tickets available at urnbanmos.com/ uglysweater. 308 University Ave. urbanmos.com TRICK: Sleigh 4 Pay – Celebrate a Merry Trickmess with The Merrow’s last Trick for the year! Sexy Santas, raunchy reindeer and free merch! Free limited-edition high-quality enamel Trick pins will be given for the first 100 tickets sold. Pornstar JJ Knight is coming down the chimney to Trick for the first time and will be dancing with some of the woofiest men from the Homo Rodeo Calendar. San Diego’s favorite DJ Mateo Segadeis sleighing all night with performances by Vivvi The Force, Tangie amd Jokrok. Wear what makes you feel sexy, dress up, down, and sideways but come to get your stocking stuffed. $10. 9 p.m.–2 p.m. at The Merrow, 1271 University Ave. bit.ly/2ExU6lK

Sunday, Dec. 23

Holiday by the Bay – Hilton San Diego Bayfront has unveiled its reimagined winter adventure park along the waterfront. Located in Bayfront Park, this family-friendly event series features a two-story, 100-foot ice slide, ice bumper cars, an interactive holiday light show, Santa’s workshop, Claus kitchen, and more. Tickets are $20 for adults and $15 for children (4–11). Part of all ticket purchases will be donated to the USO to help troops around the world. 1 Park Blvd. bit.ly/2FYMgDY

Painting in the Park – Pink Easel, a creative group offering workshops in art, invites you to join its picnic-style painting session where guests will create three 4-by-4-inch mini canvas panels with acrylic paint. All supplies provided. 10– 11:30 p.m. in Balboa Park, located outside the Botanical Building. $25. 1549 El Prado. Purchase tickets at bit.ly/2FA2rHI.

Tuesday, Dec 25

Friday, Dec. 21

Ugly Sweater Hop – Mo’s Universe is holding its Ugly Sweater Hop event in recognition of National Ugly Sweater Day. This is a guided bar crawl with prizes, drinks, food and more and will be stopping at all of its five locations: Mo’s,

Christmas Day – Merry Christmas from your local community news team!

ACROSS

1 Erection supporter 6 Like recently cut leaves of grass 10 Janis Ian's “At Seventeen,” e.g. 15 Owen of “Closer” 16 Fortune-teller's opening 17 Short story writer and poet Bret 18 Dog-___ (shabby) 19 Cabbage salad 20 Doubleday of balls and strikes 21 Start of what Freddie said to an upset Roger in “Bohemian Rhapsody” 24 Tooth care org. 25 Wine info, for Antoni Porowski 26 Direction from Rick Rodgers 30 You bend them in gay bars 33 Hustler from Minnesota 37 Coin in Lorca's pocket 39 Golden Girl McClanahan 40 Rent sign 41 More of what Freddie said

44 Lucy's gal pal 45 Mandela org. 46 Anderson Cooper, to CNN 47 Queens ballpark of old 48 Most queer 50 Pull down 51 Sound like Harvey Fierstein 53 “Swan Lake” step 55 End of what Freddie said 63 Phallic oral pleasure 64 Wings for Julia Morgan 65 “___ Tom” (Langston Hughes poem) 66 Got to second base, perhaps 67 “The King and I” setting 68 H2O threesome 69 To the point 70 Makes costumes, e.g. 71 Chaz and family

Kwanzaa – Happy Kwanzaa from your local community news team!

Monday, Dec. 31

New Year’s Eve!

Port of San Diego Holiday Bowl Parade – America’s largest balloon parade will take place on Harbor Drive along the North Embarcadero area of Downtown San Diego. The parade starts at 10 a.m. at the County Administration Building. More than 100,000 spectators are expected at this year’s event. The parade theme this year is “New Year’s Eve on the Waterfront,” and showcases 29 gigantic balloons, 20 specialty units, 40 marching bands and four floats. This year’s Grand Marshall is San Diego County Supervisor Ron Roberts. Parade viewing along the street is free and reserved grandstand seats are available for $22. bit.ly/2EeA5Ai NYE 2019: Hillcrest Top 25 Video Countdown – Join Flicks as they countdown your Official Top 25 Videos of 2018! The hilarious duo Erica Foxx and Alexander Rodriguez are here to ring in the New Year. Enjoy Go Go Boys, a free champagne toast and more. Video requests made before Dec. 26 will be counted for the NYE 2019 countdown. No cover. 21 and up. 9 p.m.–2 p.m. at Flicks, 1017 University Ave. bit.ly/2EtFqUJt

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solution on page 13 DOWN 1 “Johnny Mnemonic” actor 2 Vanilla 3 Land of Sinead O'Connor 4 Declare firmly 5 Greek sorceress 6 Prayer book, to Father Mychal Judge 7 Capital of Norway 8 Get off the breast 9 Either wife, right after the nuptials 10 Butler's burden on the Tara stairway 11 Working stiffs 12 James Bond opponent 13 Bit from Michael Musto 14 Suffix with musket 22 Head set? 23 “Thumbs up!” 26 Undercover agents 27 First extra inning 28 “Grease ___ word!” 29 Run-throughs on Broadway 31 Mark on the rear of a steer 32 Cup fraction

34 It comes with a lei 35 Opera guy 36 “Private Parts” author Howard 38 “Shop ___ you drop” 40 Great deal 42 What homophobe Trump got from Access Hollywood, e.g. 43 Glenn Close's “___ Attraction” 48 Fruit sugar ending 49 Orgasms, e.g. 52 Up ___ (stuck) 54 Young pigeon 55 Sexologist Shere 56 Role for Bela 57 Confession of mendacity 58 Leave marks on the back 59 “Render therefore ___ Caesar...” 60 Bus. major's study 61 Patron of people in the navy 62 Untouchable head 63 St. Louis clock setting

LIFESTYLE

gay-sd.com

Five ways to help a friend financially without giving them money By Mickey Rox When a friend or family member comes knocking for cash, pause before opening your wallet – because rarely does this situation go off without a hitch. That’s not to say you can’t lend a helping hand – you can – but your goodwill doesn’t have to put a dent in your own financial situation. Steer the conversation away from handouts with these alternatives to providing support without it costing you a dime.

Offer personal advice

Your friend or family member isn’t the first person to fall upon hard times financially; we’ve all been there. Discuss your personal hurdles, as well as how you overcame those issues. When somebody knows they’re not alone in their struggles, it often gives them the necessary confidence to get back on the right track. Offer your assistance, but not easy money. If you do, you might be opening a Pandora’s box of coming back for more.

Help them set up a budget

Do you have a budget that works for you? If you’ve been successful in this area of your finances, there’s nothing wrong with offering this “service.” As easy as budgeting may be for you, others find it extremely challenging. Sit down with your friend, show them what a solid budget entails, and illustrate how they can use this to their advantage moving forward. Talk to them about how they can cut the fat from

their expenses, show them how to use apps to get cash back, and teach them a few of your tricks on saving on everyday items, like gas and groceries. Laziness is no excuse to spend more than necessary, but it’s the root problem of many people’s financial crises.

Let them know that you’re available in other ways

Everybody faces rough financial patches from time to time. When you have somebody to lean on it’s much easier to make your way through these periods and come out a better person in the long run. Don’t turn your back if your friend needs an ear. Instead, let them know you’re available – to talk, listen, and offer advice. You may be surprised at how much assistance you can lend by being their sounding board.

Review their income and expenses

There’s a fine line between helping a friend and going beyond your duty. If the person is open to you reviewing their financial situation, including income and expenses, sit down at a convenient time to see what is going on. Many people need another set of eyes for them to truly realize where they’re running into trouble. Note: If you are not comfortable with this, there’s nothing wrong with telling your friend that you’d rather not see their personal information. It may be easiest to simply give your friend money and hope it helps them financially. While it may get the person out of a jam for

the time being, they are likely to face the same problems again in the future.

Show them how to make new money

There’s no shortage of fast ways to make cash if you work the gig economy to your advantage. Resources like Instacart, Airbnb, Lyft, Uber, Roadie, DoorDash and Rover. com provide opportunities to anyone with a home or car to make extra income with little effort. Any one of these resources can help bring in hundreds of dollars per week when

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

you’re dedicated, and that may be the ticket to getting your friend or family back on track without digging into your own pockets. They’ll be better for it, too. Teach a person to fish and all. —Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.t

MICHAEL KIMMEL Psychotherapist Author of "Life Beyond Therapy" in Gay San Diego 5100 Marlborough Drive San Diego CA 92116 (619)955-3311 www.LifeBeyondTherapy.com

GAY SAN DIEGO Dec. 21, 2018 – Jan. 3, 2019

COMMUNITY

&in

Gay San Diego

Joy raisers On Dec. 18, The San Diego Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence invited the public to its Annual Meeting and Winter Celebration Sisters’ Saturnalia at Fruitcraft in Hillcrest. This yearly event gives the community a chance to see the inside of this joy raising organization. The evening covered annual budgets, current and past projects, along with ordination ceremonies, officer reports, consecration of Sisters, renewing of vows, officer installation and the Changing of the Guard. The Sisters also gifted $8,500 in Saturnalia grants to community organizations. This year’s grant recipients included the LGBT Community Center, North County LGBTQ Resource Center, South Bay Pride, Being Alive San Diego, GLBT National Help Center, ArtBusXpress, Expressive Arts Institute, Youth Rally and Monarch School. (Photos by Albert H. Fulcher)

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