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Middle/Senior School Bulletin Issue 16 / 25 November 2016 Middle & Senior School News End of Year Congratulations to the Graduating class of 2016. You are an amazing group of young people and we thank you for your individual and collective contributions over your time here at St Andrews.

Year 12 Graduates, may God bless you and keep you safe through the journey of this life and may you remain confident in God’s love and plan for you. Above all else, seek joy, be hopeful and continue to share your light with the world! As we head into the final week of classes for 2016 and we finalise the students’ reports, I would like to also offer a word of thanks to the students, one and all, for their exceptional approach to College life throughout the year. Their vibrancy is truly the heartbeat of our College. I would also like to thank our College parents for their unwavering support and partnership. We appreciate the relationships we hold with you and your children. Finally, I want to acknowledge the dedication and commitment shown by our teaching staff,

for their work towards coaxing, coaching and inspiring our students to strive to achieve to their true potential. The work they do in and out of classes is what keeps our students learning, growing and developing as learners and as wellrounded individuals. Non-teaching staff, teacher aides, groundsmen, administration, library, tuckshop, and uniform shop all too go above and beyond to ensure this is a College of flourishing and so to them we are also most grateful. I would like to acknowledge and thank Mr Kotzur for his exemplary leadership of our community and dedicated service towards providing the best possible learning opportunities for students, in and out of classrooms, and for his vision and dedication towards ensuring that St Andrews is a community of flourishing where everyone is someone and wherein more than a good education, an education for good remains at the forefront of our journey. As I mentioned at the Parents and Friends farewell afternoon tea, Mr Kotzur’s legacy will span across the facilities and development of our College and into the hearts, minds and hands of our students and staff alike.

As we prepare for the long summer break, I’d like to encourage parents and families to stay connected. I believe the most powerful thing we can do is to stay connected. Stay connected with your child by being open to talking through your boundaries and expectations and also their ideas and thoughts around independence, trust and their world in general. Stay connected to one another. If your child is wanting to spend time with peers or to sleep over at another family’s house and you are feeling uncomfortable or unfamiliar with the family, call the parents and talk about your boundaries and expectations and their boundaries and expectations. Adolescents often use generalised statements like, ‘everyone is going’, ‘no one else’s parents are calling’ or ‘don’t you trust me’ to push boundaries and to become more independent. The balance of how much freedom/ independence afforded a young person is a difficult juggling act for parents and very dependent on the individual, the family values and context. From personal experience, I know how challenging that balance can be. Open, honest dialogue is always helpful. Further Recognition of Excellence This Wednesday 30 November is the Middle School Presentation Night which will be held in the Multi-Purpose Hall (Doors open 6.00pm for a 6.30pm start). This is a compulsory evening for all students in Years 7–9 and will be a wonderful showcase of our Middle School. Students are to wear formal school uniform and to sign in on arrival. Before the end of the year we will also acknowledge student excellence at the Year 10 & 11 and Middle School Award assemblies. Top of Subject, Merit, Citizenship and Service Awards will be presented at these assemblies. All parents are welcome to come along and join these celebrations of excellence. •

Years 10–11 Awards Assembly (Tuesday 29 November) 1.30pm in the WC

•

Middle School Awards Assembly (Friday 2 December) 1.30pm in the WC

Early in Term 1 2017, our Academic Excellence, Academic Endeavour and Academic Improvement Awards will be presented for each year level based on students’ overall Semester Two results. Staffing Updates This year we farewell Mr Tim Kotzur (Principal) who has been appointed Principal of St Peters Lutheran College in 2017. We also farewell Mr Bob Grehan (Mathematics) who is retiring after many years of dedicated service to St Andrews and Ms Audrey Woodhouse (Mathematics) who has worked with us over the past two years and Mrs Kulari Harris (Science) who has worked with us for the past few years. Ms Colleen Dockstader will be on Long Service Leave for Semester One 2017 and Mrs Jenny Lotz (Head of Department – Science) is moving into a part-time teaching position at the College. Next year we will welcome, Mr David Bliss (New Principal) who joins us after two years of service as the Executive Director of Lutheran Education Queensland. Prior to that appointment Mr Bliss was the Principal of Immanuel Lutheran College on the Sunshine Coast, having provided

outstanding leadership to that community since 2007. His Christian Faith is apparent in all that he does, and is at the heart of his leadership. The College is delighted to welcome Mr Bliss to lead this community through our next chapter of development. We also welcome, Mr David Wyatt who has been appointed as our Head of Department, Science. Mr Wyatt comes to us from St Stephens where he has served as the Head of Science for sixteen years. Mr Matteo Parente and Mr Michael Fields, both highly experienced teachers, will join our Mathematics team. Ms Megan Sippel who has recently returned to Australia will join our Year 7 teaching team and Mr Bernard Laverty will join our English department, taking Ms Dockstader’s classes for Semester One. Semester Two Reports and the Start of 2017 Reports will be available on Parent Lounge to parents in the first week of the holidays. Please use the feedback contained in the reports as a means of affirming your child’s effort and progress throughout the final semester, and also as a basis for setting new learning goals for 2017. We are working towards notification of class lists through Parent Lounge in late January. All Middle and Senior School classes resume on Tuesday 24 January. Our Year 7 students (2017) will attend an Orientation Day on Monday 23 January from 8.30am – 3.00pm and new students in Years 8–12 will attend an afternoon session (1.30 – 3.00pm). This is compulsory and ensures a smooth start for our new students. Also, please remember that traffic congestion is likely on the first day, so please exercise extra care and patience. This is our last bulletin for 2016. May the coming Christmas season be a timely reminder of God’s blessings and the joy of knowing that Christ gave us the ultimate gift in sending His son to save us all. Parents are warmly invited to attend the E to Year 11 Christmas Service at 8.50am (seated by 8.35am) in the Multi-Purpose Hall next Tuesday 29 November to celebrate the birth of Jesus. A very happy and blessed holiday season. Virginia Warner Deputy Principal Head of Secondary School

Chaplains Chat The Parable of the Lost Sheep - Luke 15:1-6 (NIV) 1 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” 3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbours together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ Throughout the past couple of weeks this story has been shared with many members of the College community through a simple animation that very clearly depicts how a sheep was drawn away from the 99 through being tempted. He then became isolated and vulnerable to attack by a ravenous wolf who stalked the helpless sheep and almost had it in its clutches. But at the very last moment the Good Shepherd arrived, after having spent considerable time and energy searching for the one lost sheep that he knew by name. The animation brings a depth to the truth contained within the few sentences of Jesus’ story that is so important in our understanding of who God is and how he views each of us. Our God pursues each of us with an everlasting love. We may choose to be distracted and head off in other directions from those that He would prefer for us but He never abandons us. Rather than becoming angry with us He continues to come after us, calling out to us and inviting us back into the security of His direct care and concern. Knowing that our God is like this is so encouraging. It leads us to great gratitude for who He is and the unending love He possesses for each of us. As the reality of this incredible love sinks into our hearts and minds it leads us to respond in love towards God and others. It is this amazing love that God has for us that drives all that occurs here at St Andrews. As we race towards Christmas for 2016 may each of us experience anew the passion and love our God has for us personally as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, His son who is the ultimate evidence of just how great God’s pursuit of humanity is. Graeme Schache Chaplain

Middle School News Leadership 2017 At our Friday assembly this week our prospective leaders for 2017 had the opportunity to talk to the Middle School about their ambitions for these captaincy roles. For the last few years Mr Tanguy and I have been discussing running some different models for leadership and I look forward to working with these students next year. The announcement of our leaders will happen at our final assembly for the year on Friday 2 December. Thank You Working with adolescents in schools is always a learning experience. Not only because of the significant changes which occur during this period of life but also because the ground under their feet is often shifting as a result of societal trends and technologies. We may not always ‘get it right’ when working with your children but we always have their interests (and yours) firmly in our minds when we arrive each day. Thank you to all parents who have engaged in their child’s education this year. I enjoy our conversations together and relish seeing your children grow into young men and women as they move through the College. I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas season together and I look forward to continuing our relationship in 2017. As always please contact me should you wish to discuss anything further tomc@salc.qld.edu.au Tom Casey Head of Middle School

Student Development Working With Conflict, Invitation to Grow Working through some conflict and agitations with students recently reminded me of some important themes for living in community at St Andrews. Learning is always the priority and these situations are an invitation for growth. Using a restorative approach ensures that people feel safe, supported and that as a community our priority continues to be to work through these challenges with our young people so they can learn from their experiences. With the students, I explored how we could move forward after the reconciliation and peacemaking process. There was an opportunity for some involved to say, ‘this should never happen again’ and ‘how can I trust again?’ and ‘I’m sorry.’ The hopes being expressed in these moments reminds us that as humans we are not perfect and that while conflict is a normal part of our existence we wish to make things right and to be the best versions of ourselves that we can be. There is no insurance that similar mistakes will never happen again and the reality of working with teenagers is that mistakes and conflicts may resurface but there is a time of acknowledging harms done and making amends though a restorative approach. So the expectation is about the journey and the hope that growth will eventuate and also that these experiences themselves are an important part of a person’s development. Though

sometimes a struggle, they are fertile ground for change, adaptation, reflection and learning. It is in the mistakes and hurt that there is opportunity for growth. When we discussed that learning and growth is the priority, not perfection, it helped give peace and acceptance to the parties involved. Each person was able to gain a perspective on the inevitability of conflict, the skills and confidence to be ready to make peace when it arrives and the practice of self-compassion when we are involved in hurt or damaged relationships. The following two links are valuable resources for families seeking to know more about Restorative Practices: www.rpforschools.net/pres.html www.restorativepractices.org.au James Nelson Director of Student Development

Senior School News Flourishing It is hard to believe that we are so close to finishing the school year for 2016. What a busy, stimulating, challenging and amazing year it has been. It feels like only yesterday that we welcomed the Year 10s to the Senior School, shared a magic two days at Burleigh with the Year 12s on retreat and helped the Year 11s develop their time management skills through the Elevate Study Skills Program – and that was only the first week of school. A lot has happened since then and our Senior School students have grown and flourished in so many ways – whether it be through sports, academia, cultural pursuits, service to community, care of others or just by walking the talk of the way we do things around here. That is a focus on personal bests, getting the little things right, showing gratitude, forgiving others their human frailties and focusing on strengths. It has been a pleasure to journey with our students as they explore their values, learn about their strengths, contribute to the community and grow our culture of a flourishing institution.

eyes in the Worship Centre last week. This group of 78 knew what it meant to support each other, show gratitude to their teachers and staff and to honour their leaders. What a joy it was to work with them and despite our challenging year, they just got on with the job of being leaders of the College and achieving their personal bests. I wish them all the very best for the future. I will finish with a few words from our College Captains. Firstly, Tia Lightbody shared with her peers, “thank you for the last 13 years..for the countless mintues we have spent together… thank you for making my education and the education of those around you about more than an education, but an education for good. It is your faces, your quirks & idiosyncrasies that I will remember most. Congratulations everybody, we have successfully completed the first stages of our lives and are about to start the second. Lastly, if I was to give one last piece of advice to you all, it would be to always treasure people. As it is the people around us that put the humanity and warmth in our experiences”. And from Izak Schache, “thank you for letting me lead you and thank you for making 2016 our best year ever”. What a privilege it has been to work with these young people. Go well Year 12s of 2016, we can’t wait to hear how you make your mark on this world. For our Year 10s and 11s once all the hard work of assessment is done there is a full program on Monday 28 and Tuesday 29 November of guest speakers, the Christmas Service, a band, sporting events culminating with the Years 10 & 11 Final Assembly in the Worship Centre at 1.30pm (where Year 12, 2017 students will receive their senior jerseys). Parents are welcome to attend. Congratulations to: • Jenna Mobberley has accepted a place with Gold Coast City Open Women’s football (soccer) team in the National Premier League for 2017. Jenna is very confident she can balance her Year 12 academic studies as well as fulfilling her role in the women’s squad. • Jai Croker who won his fight in Muai Thai 6ik kg division at the Eruption Show, Siam Cup in Mansfield recently.

I am looking forward to another great year in 2017 and am thrilled to work alongside our fantastic senior teachers and servant leaders, such as Mrs Warner. Thank you to my marvelous Year Level Coordinators – Mrs Washington, Miss Yeo and Mr Nelson. Their hard work, passion and dedication make my job so much easier. Their support of our young people is unsurpassed and it has been another great year for our team. I would also like to acknowledge the dedication and service of Mr Nelson, who steps aside as Year 10 Coordinator to pursue other areas within the College. Mr Nelson’s projects, such as, Growing Good Men, Bingojuwara, the Positive Learning Framework and support of our teachers and young people continues to be a blessing. On that note I would like to welcome Mr Ivett to the Senior School Pastoral Care Team as the new Year 10 Coordinator. I would like to finish by acknowledging the way our Year 12s finished their journey with us. What a delightful, caring and impressive bunch of young people. We were all so proud of the way they conducted themselves and the messages they conveyed at each of the final year celebrations from Presentation Night to the Final Assembly. There were very few dry

If you have any queries or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me on tanias@salc.qld.edu.au Tania Stewart Head of Senior School

Performing Arts News

Performing Arts Tuition

PAT 2017 As we begin our preparations for 2017, please note the following regarding our Performing Arts Tuition: 1. If you are currently enrolled in PAT, this enrolment will continue into 2017 unless we receive a Cancellation Form which can be found on the College website. The only exception to this is current Year 3 Strings or Mini Musos who will need to complete a PAT Application Form (found on the College website). 2. Our Performing Arts Administrator Anne Driscoll will email to confirm the receipt of a PAT Application within a week of receiving it. If you do not get an email confirmation, please email performingarts@salc.qld.edu.au to ensure that the application was received. As we do tend to fill places quickly, parents are encouraged to apply now for 2017. 3. Timetables will not be finalised until January. PAT teachers will contact parents the week prior to lessons commencing. 4. If there are no available places in the program, Anne will email parents in January to advise that they are on a waitlist. Any questions regarding PAT enrolment can be emailed to performingarts@salc.qld.edu.au The PAT Handbook (located on the College website) is also a good source of general information regarding our programs. Gold Coast Area Theatre Awards The Gold Coast Area Theatre Awards acknowledge excellence in Theatre across schools and Theatre companies on the Gold Coast. This year our College Musical, The Little Mermaid Jr has received 3 nominations: Best Vocal Direction, Best Supporting Actor in a Youth Musical â€“ Jonathon Aiello and Best Actress in a Youth Musical â€“ Tia Lightbody. Congratulations!

Animi Concerts On Saturday 12 November, Animi held its annual concerts at Kings Christian College. Kings graciously offered the use of their facility in the wake of the J block fire earlier this year. It was a joyful evening celebrating our dance journey of 2016. From ballet through to hip hop, students showcased their routines with energy and style. Well done to all involved! Cilla Scott Head of Arts

Sport News It has been an amazing year for school sport in 2016 and it still keeps on going. This term our Years 5 and 6 students have competed in the Qld Schools State Primary School Touch Tournament, eight Years 7-12 students entered the Qld Olympic Weightlifting Titles and our 13 and 15 Years futsal teams will compete in the Australasian titles. Qld Champion Schools Olympic Weightlifting On Saturday 12 November eight St Andrews students competed at the Sleeman Sports Centre in the Qld Schools Olympic Weightlifting Titles. There were 100 students lifting from over 30 different schools in both the male and female age and weight categories. This was the first time our students had lifted and competed in front of a crowd and it was a very nerve-racking experience for them all. I am pleased to report that our 6 boys and 2 girls did extremely well and walked away from this event feeling enthused and motivated to continue their training and improve their technique and power into the future. Thanks must go to Mr Linzey Beister the Head Coach at Gold Coast Weightlifting Club for guiding our students throughout the entire competition. Linzey, one of Australia’s premier coaches will continue to run Weightlifting at the school in 2017. It certainly is a growing sport which we are keen to be a part of in the future.

In the next week our 13 boys and girl’s teams will compete in the QSS Futsal Finals to see which team is the strongest in the state. The following weekend they will then go on to play in the Australasian Titles. Again a wonderful achievement and experience for our young and developing players. The future is looking bright for futsal at the College. I wish all the players and staff the very best for these upcoming tournaments. St Andrews College Gym I am pleased to announce that our current College Gym is to be expanded and renovated. This is going to provide an enriching experience for our students in both their cocurricular pursuits as well as their PE program. Thanks to the P & F for contributing $25,000 to be spent on strength and conditioning equipment. I look forward to publishing pictures of this new facility in the 2017 Term 1 Bulletin edition. Libby Wood Secondary School Sports Coordinator

Dates to Remember

Futsal 2016 has proven to be our most successful futsal season. Training commenced right back in week 2 of Term 1 and still continues now. This is a result of 3 teams qualifying for the Australasian Titles. Our 15 boys did a wonderful job representing the College and had a fantastic start to their competition. After the first day they were 3 from 3. Unfortunately, they ran into some tough competition and lacked the consistency on the second day to make it through to the finals. However, this was an enriching experience for these boys and it became evident to them that they are very much capable of competing and beating these teams in the future. Thanks must go to Mr Paul McGilveray who coached and looked after the boys for the entire weekend.

NOVEMBER Saturday 26 Year 9 Dinner Dance, The Glades – 6.30pm Monday 28 Year 11 RYDA Program Tuesday 29 E to 11 Christmas Service, Multi Purpose Hall – 8.50am Years 10 & 11 Final Awards Assembly, WC – 1.30pm 2017 Student Leadership Team Mentoring – 3.00-5.00pm Term 4 Ends for Years 10 & 11 Wednesday 30 Years 7-9 Presentation Night, MPH – 6.30pm DECEMBER Thursday 1 Year 7 Netball Comp - LABTEN Cup – 9.00am-1.30pm Friday 2 MS Closing Assembly, Worship Centre – 1.30pm Term 4 Ends JANUARY Tuesday 24 Term 1 2017 Starts

P & F News On Wednesday 9 November, the annual AGM was held. The new committee was elected and these are the candidates that will hold the following positions for 2017. President: Julieanne Andrews Vice President: Jeffrey Bauman Secretary: Nicole Ainger Treasurer: Julie Dignan Committee Member Profile: Julieanne Andrews My name is Julieanne Andrews and I have recently been voted in as President of the P & F. I have previously served on the P & F as the Vice President for over three years and was involved in organising the last College Fete. In 2017 we will be holding our Fete on Saturday 20 May and are lucky to have Jess Gisler as the Convenor. I have a son Jack in Year 10 (teenagers... where is the book on them) who came over to St Andrews in Year 5. Moving to St Andrews has made such a positive impact on his life, both academically and emotionally and I love the community spirit of the College. The College made the transition easy for him and he has thrived under the College’s guidance. My daughter Isabel is in Year One this year, which means I will be at St Andrews until 2027. Like most 7 year olds Isabel loves school, her friends and has a very active social life. I am a single mum, work full time and am currently studying, so my life is very busy, but I feel one of the ways I can contribute to the College is by being an active member of the P & F. If you need to contact me, for any reason, my number is on the College website. The College has received a grant for Security Cameras. The total grant amount was $10,000. Special thanks to Kim Allan for all her efforts in applying for grants. Money was allocated to numerous different projects taking place around the College at the meeting. The first was $25,000 to increase the size of the College Gym under J Block, this should double the size of the existing gym area, giving the College a state of the art facility. Secondly $1,400 was allocated for the registration of the College to Online Cyber Safety scheme. Thirdly $6,000 was given to the College for new Netball and Futsal uniforms. The first meeting for next year is yet to be scheduled, please check the first 2017 Bulletin. From all the parents and guardians of St Andrews we would also like to wish Mr Tim Kotzur all the best at St Peters Lutheran College. We wish everyone a safe and happy festive break and look forward to 2017 at St Andrews with a new Principal Mr David Bliss.

Uniform Shop News Second Hand Clothing If you wish to sell second hand clothes and use the credit to purchase more uniforms in January, please submit your items before the end of term. All items must be clean & ironed (not damaged, stained, faded or showing excessive wear). Items may be submitted in January but, due to the back to school rush, any credit will not be available until mid February. Uniforms for 2017 See Flyer at End of this Bulletin for ‘What You Need for 2017’. Buy or lay-by your uniforms now and avoid the January rush and any price increases. You are guaranteed to get the items you need and you can exchange sizes in January if needed (providing items are returned in a saleable condition). Email us your order by 8am the day prior so we can have it ready for you when you come in or order and pay online via www.flexischools.com.au Selling Senior Blazers The Uniform Shop will sell your blazer for you on consignment basis, providing it is in good condition and unmarked. Simply have your blazer dry cleaned as soon as you finish school and bring it to us with the receipt attached, preferably before the end of term. We will notify you as soon as it is sold. We already have a list of parents looking for 2nd hand blazers for next year, so the sooner you bring it in, the better chance you have of selling it. Prices paid range from $70 - $100. January Opening Hours The Uniform Shop will close Friday 2 December 2016 at 9.30am and will reopen: JANUARY 2017 (Existing Students Only)* Wednesday 11 - Friday 13 8am - 12pm daily Monday 16 - Friday 20 1pm - 4pm daily Monday 23 (Orientation Day) 8am - 12pm Tuesday 24 (School Resumes) 8am - 9.30am Wednesday 25 8am - 9.30am & 2.30pm - 3.30pm Thursday 26 (Australia Day) Closed Friday 27 (normal hours) 8am - 9.30am * Existing Students Only - Families with 3 or more children or families unable to attend during these times are requested to phone or email to book an appointment outside these hours. If you do not have an appointment please do not come outside these hours as we may have to refuse service. Save Time: Email us your order by 8am the day prior and we will have it ready for you to collect during opening hours the following day. Or order online via Flexischools and enjoy express pick up!

Uniforms for 2017 What you need if your child is moving up to the next year level. ……..

Year 1

JUNIOR SCHOOL.

The Formal Uniform is worn 3 days a week. The Sports Uniform (same as Prep uniform) is worn 2 days a week. BOYS Formal Hat - $48 White Short Sleeve Shirt - $32 Navy Elastic Backed Shorts - $28 Navy Knee High Formal Socks - $ 8 Formal Jumper (to be worn with Formal Uniform) Wool $80-85 Poly Cotton $70 Black Leather Lace-up Shoes (not available from Uniform Shop) GIRLS Formal Hat - $48 Formal Dress - $70 White Ankle Socks with navy stripes - $ 8 Formal Jumper (to be worn with Formal Uniform) Wool $80-85 Poly Cotton $70 Black Leather Lace-up Shoes (not available from Uniform Shop) Navy tights (optional for winter with Formal Uniform)

Years 2 & 3 no changes Year 4 ALL Navy Sports Shirt - $35 (house shirt now worn one day/week) BOYS College Shorts with belt loops - $30-$34 Belt - $20

Years 5 & 6

no changes

MIDDLE SCHOOL. Year 7 The Formal Uniform is worn 4 days. The Sports Uniform is to be brought to school and changed into for PE. The Navy Sports Uniform is worn to/from school on Thursdays only. ALL Baseball Cap or Wide Brimmed Sports Hat $16 Sport Sockettes - $8 GIRLS Formal Blouse - $42 Formal Skirt - $55 Formal and Sports Sockettes - $8 each BOYS - Grey Trousers are optional in Terms 2 & 3

Years 8 & 9

- no changes

SENIOR SCHOOL. IMPORTANT - SCHOOL PHOTOS (WEEK 2) ALL STUDENTS MUST HAVE THEIR BLAZER FOR PHOTOS. BOYS MUST ALSO BRING THEIR TIE AND TROUSERS.

Year 10 GIRLS Senior Girls Tie - $22 Blazer - $190-$195 BOYS Senior White Short or Long Sleeve Shirt (no tartan trim on pocket) - $32 The following items are required for Photos but are only worn in Terms 2 & 3 Senior Boys Tie - $22 Grey Trousers - $35 Blazer - $195-200

Years 11 & 12 - no changes

___________________________

Questions? Please contact the UniformShop on 5568 5933 or email uniformshop@salc.qld.edu.au Prices current until December 2016.

2nd Hand Uniforms may also be available.

INSIGHTS Building parent-school partnerships WORDS Michael Grose

How to encourage

kids to be

problem-solvers Ask good questions to prompt problem-solving

parents to be advocates for them such as

on adults but we teach kids to be afraid of

A problem-solving approach relies on

to make the most of the opportunities for

making mistakes and to blame themselves

asking good questions, which can be

children to speak for themselves. Better

for not being good enough. That’s fertile

challenging if you are used to solving your

to help your child find the right words to

ground for anxiety and depressive illness.

child’s problems. The first question when a

use and discuss the best way to approach

child brings you a problem should be: ‘Can

another person when they have problems.

courageous problem-solvers rather than

you handle this on your own?’ Next should

These are great skills to take into adulthood.

self-critical scaredy cats?

be, ‘What do you want me to do to help you

Here are six practical ideas to get you started.

solve the problem?’ These questions are not

When parents solve all children’s problems

we not only increase their dependency

So, how can we raise kids to be

Turn requests into problems for kids to solve

Kids get used to bringing their problems to parents to solve. If you keeping solving them, they’ll keep bringing them. ‘Mum, my sister

meant to deter children from coming to

when they are being bullied, but we need

Prepare kids for problems and contingencies

you; rather, to encourage and teach them to

You may coach your child to be

start working through their own concerns

independent – walk to school, spend some

themselves.

time alone at home (when old enough),

Coach them through problems and concerns

catch a train with friends – but does he know what to do in an emergency? What happens if he comes home after school and

is annoying me!’ ‘Dad, can you ask my teacher

So, your child feels she was unfairly left out

the house is locked? Who should he go to?

to pick me for the team?’ ‘Hey, I can’t find my

of a school sports team by a teacher and

Discuss different scenarios with children

socks!’ It’s tempting if you are in a time-poor

asks you get involved. The easiest solution

whenever they enter new or potentially

family to simply jump in and help kids out.

may be to meet with the teacher and

risky situations so that they won’t fall apart

Alternatively, you can take a problem-solving

find out what’s going on. You may or not

when things don’t go their way. Remember

approach, cuing them to resolve their own

resolve the problem but in doing so you

the Boy Scouts motto – be prepared!

problems and take responsibility for their

are teaching a child to become dependent

concerns. ‘What can you do to make her stop

on you. Alternatively, you could coach your

annoying you?’ ‘What’s the best approach to

child to speak to the teacher herself and

take with your teacher?’ ‘Socks, smocks! Where

find out why she was left out. Obviously,

might they be?’

there are times when children need their