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Rutgers Entertainment Weekly www.rutgersmedium.com
Volume XLII Issue II
50¢
SEPTEMBER 21st, 2011
MMMM....FOOD
STUDENT WITH MEAL PLAN GIVES BIRTH TO FOOD BABY
BY EVERYDAY I'M TRUFFLIN' NEWS EDITOR
COLLEGE AVE— It was the start to another ordinary day for Rutgers Senior Eric Huggin. He had just taken the LX back from his Police class when his stomach began to grumble. He thought it was just dining hall food passing through him, like it had done for the past three years. A week had past and he was still grumbling, and he became increasingly worried. “Normally New Tillet passes through me in two days, at most,” Eric recalled. “But it was getting uncomfortable going to class every day and have everyone looking at you while your stomach made gargling noises." After visiting a physician at a Wal-Mart clinic, he found out to his delight he was pregnant with a food baby! Said Huggin, “Words can’t explain how happy I am to re-
NEWS QUICKIES
Gateway project aborted due to student concerns
"They couldn't have told us this earlier,"asked head architect James Curtis. "I spent 4 years designing the parking deck and another 2 weeks on the building itself. What a waste."
Elderly Woman Makes Typo; Subscribes To Nut-flix
BURGER ON BOARD
An added bonus: the placenta will taste like ketchup!
ceive such a glorious gift!" The delivery was three hours later and the baby was delivered by a McDonald’s employee. The food baby weighed 2 lbs. 3 oz. (without lettuce and tomato), and came with Eggs, Taylor Ham, Hash Browns, and French Toast, all wrapped in
a Italian roll and topped with French Fries. When asked about a name, Eric happily proclaimed, “Chunk! Most definitely Chunk! A Fat Chuck would make a perfect meal for any time of the day. it probably could use some BBQ sauce though. I can’t wait to have it for dinner!”
"My son told me it would be a great way to spend the weekends with my husband"
Medium Writer "Its not what it used to be" "It used to be all penises and boobies, and I'd get girls numbers all the time. Now that we actually write stuff I havn't gotten shit. "
TRANSPORTATION
NEWS IN PICTURES
Man misinterprets girlfriend's Parking And Transportation To Subsidize Hitchhiking Program request to 'eat out' BY DR. K MANAGING EDITOR
Stephen Ronaldo, 39, was arrested for lewd and lavacious conduct, but not before enjoying a shrimp cocktail and complimentary bread basket.
Rutgers Division of Parking and Transportation recently launched a new initiative to resolve complaints regarding the crowding on its intercampus bus routes. The new program, HitchTran, enables students to hitchhike from campus to campus to avoid crowding the buses. Students are able to log into a website, and print a sign for the campus they would like a ride to. After taping this to scrap cardboard, they can wait in designated areas on campus to await a ride. The most popular areas as of now are College Hall bus stop and Campbell Hall due to their proximity to Route 18. “We’ve tried just about everything,” said a distressed Jack
Touche!
ESTABLISHED 1970
Molenaar. “We bought more buses, created more parking options, and even purchased 10 brand new bikes state of the art bikes to start a bike rental program. There’s nothing more we can do.” The program has received mixed reviews from students around campus. “I spent 20 minutes on the corner near route 18 and George Street trying to hitch a ride to Livingston to see my boyfriend,” complained SAS freshman Allyson Morgan. “When I finally got into a car, I realized that the driver was not even a Rutgers student, and he refused to drop me off until I blew him. After that, there was no point in going to see my boyfriend anymore.” “It’s a good deal, I think,” Continued on Page 2