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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
October 2, 2019
VOLUME LVII ISSUE VI 50¢ M.E.A.T IS MURDER
VEGANS HOLD BROWER HOSTAGE, DON'T KNOW IF MEAT IS REAL HARRY NUTTSAAC CAN YOU SMELL THAT?
College Ave- The other night, something horrible happened at Brower Dining Hall that would forever traumatize all the patrons there that night: dinner was served. Not too long after this, the whole dining hall was taken hostage by a group of militarized vegans, which definitely wasn't as bad as dinner. The vegans rushed into the dining hall and barricaded the doors (but not before letting the sweet old black ladies out. Who doesn't love BACON THO! them?) To make it clear to the That's why I always get Brower Bizza diners that they were serious, one their demands to Rutgers Dining of the vegans tried to flip a table, Services: but they were too weak from the 1.No more meat is to be served lack of protein in their diet, so they at the Rutgers Dining Halls had to settle for knocking off the 2.All the animals on Cook ketchup bottle. The radical group Farm are to be set free. announced themselves as M.E.A.T. 3.Dining Services staff must (Militarized Ecocentrists Against stop being subjected to torture like Torture) and they were there to list
King Neptune Night Very quickly, the RUPD was informed of the hostage situation, so they headed to Brower right after they were done stopping a frat party on campus. Upon arrival, RUPD surrounded Brower on all sides and prepared Continued on Page 2
WHAT IS THIS SOME KIND OF SUICIDE SQUAD? I HOPE SO!
TRUMP TWEETS OF CIVIL WAR SPARK LITIGATION FROM DISNEY RICHARD HERTZ SICK OF THIS SHIT Washington- As if the political climate was not perilous enough, Donald Trump took it upon himself to throw yet another wrench into the already completely fucked state of affairs. In this unfortunately real tweet from the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, Potus writes “If the Democrats are successful in removing the President from office(which they will never be), it will cause a Civil War like fracture in this nation from which our Country will never heal”. Though he was quoting some evangelical pastor, the sentiment is clearly something he believes. The reactionary statement has sparked
outrage among constitutionalists, anti-fascists,and just about anyone fearing that Trump has finally lost it. Today these groups have found
a very powerful, but unlikely ally. Responding to both the wording of the tweet and the swarm of memes that have spawned thereafter,
Laying Pipe Since 1970
Continued on Page 2
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