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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
April 13th, 2022
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX $420.69 IMAGINE PROPERLY TREATING YOUR WORKERS WELL
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BEZOS, OTHER EXECS TO MAKE STRATOSPHERIC JUMP IN ORDER TO FORGET AMAZON UNION VOTE BY MICHAEL C. HAWKE CANCELLING MY PRIME
Major waves were made regarding the organized labor movement last week as a new union was formed in, out of all places, a major Amazon facility in Staten Island, NY, called JFK8. The union in question, called the Amazon Labor Union (ALU) was organized by former Amazon employee Chris Smalls, who had been fired from the corporation in 2020 following his efforts to recruit people for the union. While many have celebrated the unexpected success of the new union, as a previous attempt to unionize in Bessemer, Alabama, failed last year, many have also anticipated that as a result of this unforeseen victory, the multi-billion dollar company will consider and pursue all avenues possible in order to stall the unionization process as long as
they possibly can. One of the aforementioned avenues being considered, alongside Amazon’s current legal attempts at repealing the vote by suggesting that the union votes were acquired by ‘bribing’ Amazon employees with marijuana (which
is legal in NY, mind you), is by having many of Amazon’s higher ups simply forget about the union vote by any means necessary. How? Bezos, alongside the rest of Amazon’s executives, intend on giving themselves the mother of Continued on Page 2
NEXT STOP: DELAWARE
WHOLE NJ POPULATION TO MOVE OUT OF NJ, MAKE IT SOUTHERN NEW YORK BY LEAHCIM C. EKWAH PACKING MY FUCKING BAGS
A survey was released recently focusing on how New Jerseyans around the state currently feel about living within NJ and whether they would move out or not, given the opportunity and resources. The survey showed that out of the 1,269 people who provided an answer, all of them (100%, in case you can’t do the math) said they would leave the state. Once the survey was released and seen by the NJ state government, Governor Phil Murphy (a Massachusetts native, weirdly enough) enacted a decree declaring that the entire state population of New Jersey, following July 31st, 2022, would be evacuated. Regarding his reasoning,
he stated, “It is in the spirit of every New Jerseyan to utterly shit on their own state. After hearing the results of a recent survey regarding how New Jerseyan’s feel about our state, I figured it was about time that we just up and left. It hurts to be the one to make the call, but if
that’s what the people want, it’s what the people want.” While New Jerseyan’s sentiments regarding their home have always been rather poor, it has drastically grown worse within the past couple years, primarily as Continued on Page 2
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