This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
April 6th, 2022
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX $420.69 WASH YOUR BLANKETS, FOLKS
QUICKIES
POPUSSY TO SEND GIFT BASKETS TO INDIGENOUS CANADIANS BY HARRY NUTTSUSSY DYING OF SUSSYPOX
Last Friday,PopussyFrancussy sat down with representatives of First Nations, Métis, and Inuit peoples at the Vaticussy and issued a formal apology on behalf of the Cathussy Chussy for acts of genocide propagated by church officials over the last few centuries. However, due to continued criticism, the Popussy has decided to take further action in the form of gift baskets. The primary offense of the Cathussy Chussy toward Native Americans, besides funding expeditions into Native territories and wars against Native Americans, has been the maintaining boarding schools where indigenous children were taught to be boring-ass white kids. It was the recent discovery of the bodies of over 1,000 Native American children in unmarked graves beneath these boarding
schools that sparked further public discourse. Popussy Frussy specifically apologized for the efforts of these schools to erase indigenous identities but not directly for the physical acts of genocide that led to the deaths of untold children in
these schools. This, coupled with the fact that the Vaticussy has no plans to arrange reparations for the systemic damages toward Native Tribes that they are responsible for, has led to demands for more from the Popussy. I would make a joke here about specific comments Continued on Page 2
THIS ARTICLE IS SPONSORED BY LACROIX
SPARKUSSY WATUSSY PRODUSSIES RALLUSSY TOGUSSY TO REDUSSY CO2USSY EMUSSIES BY PAULUSSY E. RICUSSY DRINKING PERRUSSY
With the planet becoming increasingly hot and more pollussied, it’s more important than ever for everybody to do their part. As big corporations are the biggest contributors to climate change and pollussy, they must make the biggest strides. That’s why Nationussy Beverussy Corpussy (makers of Lacrussy) and Polarussy Beverussies (makers of Polarussy Ice) partnered this week for a revolutionary plan to save the world. They claim that this plan will not only lower carbon emissions but may reverse them entirely if all goes well. Here's how: As usual, the companies produce their beverages by pulling in carbon dioxide from
the atmosphere, thus removing it from circulation. They then naturally essence it by talking really loudly about how cool it is that the drink tastes like strawbussies, gaslighting the liquid into having a flavor. Finally, they ship it to stores where you buy it. But here’s
where it gets interesting. When you drink carbussied watussy, the carbon becomes pee inside your body. Polarussy and NBC are asking that all of their consumers pee back into the cans and ship it back to them. They will then distill Continued on Page 2
Ussyfying Every Fucking Word Since 1970
What Bussies Russy In Russy, Pussy, Sussies? The Answer: Sussy Nussy Carussy Combussies After UNCDuke Gussy UN Sussy Clussy Chussy Mussy Be Stussied For 949th Tussy Nussy Wussy: An Excussy Intussy Betussy The Medium And Lil Nussy X Cussies Of Omussy Subvussy X Æ A-Xii Russy In US By 300% Oil Now At $210.35 Per Bussy After Oil Resussy Relussy Prez Decussies Yer Mussy As Superfussy Site