This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
October 27th, 2021
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX 69¢ SILLY DEALER, KUSH IS FOR KIDS
WEED DEALER UPSET HE HAS TO GIVE EDIBLES TO KIDS ON HALLOWEEN HARRY NUTTSAAC IMAGINE THE SMELL
A local marijuana dealer is speaking out in the wake of conversation around giving children edibles on Halloween. In recent months, many have taken to the internet to show the generosity of ganja men across the country, displaying a multitude of THClaced candies and sweets that their children had been given in years past. This has created an undue expectation for many in America that children will be sent back to their homes on Halloween with bags filled to the brim with edibles, a very expensive commodity to just be handing out for free. Out of fear that their loyal customers will turn on them if they refuse drugs to children, many drug distributors have decided to simply eat the cost instead of the brownies.
One local distributor and my go-to guy has decided that he will not be participating in this free drug program and will instead charge any child he sees double this Halloween. "I cannot stand the idea that children can just get whatever they want all the time.
Sure, some candy from the dollar store is whatever, but a 400mg Nerds rope? A cosmic brownie that makes you see the cosmos? No way." Many pro-marijuana parents have condemned the selfish drug dealer, upset that "their children" will not get to Continued on Page 2
SMOKE 'EM WHILE YOU GOT 'EM
SNOOP DOGG SMOKES JOINT, FORGETS ABOUT CONCERT FOR AN HOUR MICHAEL C. HAWKE DON'T CHOKE ON IT
On October 23rd, Snoop Dogg hosted what was quite possibly one of the most ridiculous events to have ever been held within Rutgers University. The concert was held at SHI Stadium, serving as a gift from the college administration to the graduating classes of 2020 and 2021, each of which had the pleasure of entering the hellhole that is our economy, during a pandemic, nonetheless. What was expected to be a relatively tame event turned out to be anything but. The concert began about an hour late, as Snoop Dogg had gotten his hands on some prime Garden State grass prior, with reports saying that he smoked about five pounds worth. Right after arriving
at SHI Stadium, Snoop had a brief identity crisis, as he wanted to be referred to as Snoop Pangolin on stage. After some brief discussion with staff, Snoop gave up on the prospect of the sudden but glorious name change. Once Snoop Dogg arrived and began the concert, a thick
cloud of smoke immediately crept around the stadium; oddly enough, it appeared to originate directly from the famed rapper himself. The concert proceeded for about an hour before Snoop himself ceased to sing, apparently having ended up on a completely different planet. Continued on Page 2
Just Writing Absolute BS Since 1970
QUICKIES
Engineering Student Sticks Dick In Water Fountain Crackhead Rants, Summons Cthulu Man Takes Axe To Question Mark Woman Discovers Meaning Of Life In Pie Recipe
Mike Myers Celebrates 1000th kill NYPD Shoots Harambe Statue as Child Plays On It Local Student Actually Becomes Zombie After Midterm Waterworld 2 To Begin Filming In New Brunswick