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*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
September 21st, 2022
VOLUME CDXX ISSUE LXIX $6.99 NOT POURING ONE OUT FOR QUEEN LIZZY
QUICKIES
QUEEN'S DEAD, LUL BY PADDY O'MALLEY WATCHING QUEEN LIZ MEMES
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A LITTLE EGGPLANT PARM IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
GOVERNOR MURPHY PROUDLY ENGAGES IN FELLATIO WITH MAN FOR PRIDE MONTH BY DARREN S. DICKSON CURRENTLY PACKING
Beaming in front of his family, Governor Phil Murphy has announced at a press conference that in recognition of LGBTQ+ Pride Month, he has engaged in fellatio with another man he met off of popular gay hookup app, Grindr. News outlets have identified that the man in question is local Trenton hairdresser, Ben Dover, 37, who first took the Governor out to dinner at local Italian restaurant, La Familia. Waiters, speaking with anonymity, suggest that over the course of the dinner, Dover suggested that they “go back to my place and watch something”. At Dover’s residence, Phil Murphy received what sources close to the Governor’s office describe as “pretty great
head” before the Governor left late that night. New Jersey politicians have both praised and criticized the Governor alike, with New Jersey Democratic Senator Cory Booker saying that “we finally have a governor of New Jersey willing to actually do something for gay rights in the Garden State”, while
former Republican gubernatorial candidate Jack Ciatrelli responded critically to the Governor’s actions, stating that “if I elected Governor, I vow to only receive head from bossy Italian-American women”. Murphy’s decision marks a rapid change from the Christie Continued on Page 2
Shitposting On Print Since 1970
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